Temi A: I Can Tell She’s a Snob

dreamstime_l_31638101If I got paid for the amount of times I have heard people make snap judgement about other people based on a brief initial appraisal, or minimal conversation, I would not be writing this. I will be somewhere in the Caribbean sipping on an afternoon cocktail and contemplating the good life. From this initial encounter, one person leaves the room thoroughly convinced that the other person is probably a snub (face “boners” unite), probably rude (just check out her nails), probably can’t cook (not with all that English she is speaking), probably jobless (look at the “dada” or cornrows on his head) or just plain “off”. I always tap into blessing for such superior nose whenever I witness these conclusions. Being blessed with such a discerning nose must surely make life easier; with one whiff you can tell the phonies and dogs apart from the loyal people. No more heart break, no more entering into contract with dodgy people. Life would be straightforward and blissful.

I admit it; we are all disposed to make snap judgements about people. First impression counts, dress to impress and all those sayings did not originate from nothing. Humans are physical beings first and will make initial judgements based on the superficial. The problem begins when we do not let go of these initial judgements and allow it to dictate the direction of our relationship with other people. Admittedly in some situations your intuition might pick up certain vibes from a person, which leads you to avoid them so we cannot discount intuition. In those situations, you will be vindicated when your gossip mongering friend casually mentions that “Joe impregnated Janet who is Janice’s sister, and did you know that Joe is engaged to Judy?” or Judy stabbed her boyfriend to death in a fit of anger. (I admit it, I am drawn to the dramatic) in that instance, you nod to your all-knowing self and note that you are not really surprised; he always struck you as “off”.

Reality does not play by the rule of common sense and nothing is certain therefore we cannot rely on our intuition to be precise. Most times we miss out on building a relationship with truly wonderful people because we write them off before they even got off the ground with us. You know David in your workplace who is a dismal dresser? His idea of dressing up is to wear a pair of tight trousers that splits his bum cheeks and leaves you gasping for breath when he waddles by your desk? He is probably a decent person; however, you and everyone else might not give him the light of the day because he does not come in the package that you expect people in your life to come in.

I posit that the people who make snap judgements, of these kinds, do it because of their own inadequacy at coping with the challenge other different people pose to them. How else can you explain drawing outrageous conclusions about people you do not know well enough? I say this in relation to how I behave in these circumstances and how people who have done the same to me behave. The times I am guilty of making snap judgements about people is when I don’t know how to go about being friendly to them, as they are so different from me or what I am used to. It wasn’t until I started making conscious efforts to be friendlier to people that I began to shake off this impulse.

To be fair, you might be right in your initial assessment that a person is “off” or weird, but no one is perfect. Once you breakdown the barrier of how you think people in your life should be, then you will be able to relate better with everyone regardless of how different they are. You will learn that “weird”, “off” and “rude” are just synonyms for interesting, useful and funny. Even if you don’t end up being friends with these people, it cannot hurt to view people in a positive light as that ultimately reflects on you, and influences your thoughts and actions. You win!

PS: This does not count if you are on your way home at night. Then, EVERYONE is suspect and snap judgements to avoid all strangers, until you get home, applies.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

33 Comments on Temi A: I Can Tell She’s a Snob
  • beauty January 22, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    Nice write-up…

  • JADE January 22, 2016 at 2:27 pm

    I remember when i resumed work at new place, i overheard our HR manager saying she hated me and the mere sight of me irritates her, one other guy said i form too much whether na because say i get car or i came from abroad. Another one said i am always feeling because i didnt pronounce turn as torn. Anyhoo, ain’t nobody got time for that!!! People will feed their insecurities off you esp if you have something they wish they did. I have always practiced getting to know someone first before deciding what to make of them

    • whocares January 22, 2016 at 3:16 pm

      I know people who said they did not speak to me when we initially met because of the way i talk. According to them I spoke too much “english”. lool.. I don’t know how to speak all these “innit” people slangs. I just feel very uncomfortable speaking slangs. I am a product of my upbringing and the truth is I have never looked down on the slang speaking populace or considered myself better for the sheer fact that I am aware that the world is changing and oyinbo okpere will not get you far. I will wince at bad grammar, but that is different from ebonics. Yet you have people who speak ebonics call me a snub as if they don’t realise that they are guilty of the same thing they perceive i am guilty of. All of this my snubbish nature or coldness they have discovered without having a proper discussion with me of course. c’est la vie jare. I don’t let it bother me anymore.

    • FasholasLover January 22, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      @Jade, no shade. You do NOT resume work in a NEW establishment. You ASSUME work. You resume when you have been there previously, go away and return. Resume is same as returning to something……

      • IsThatWhyWeAreHere? January 22, 2016 at 4:44 pm

        I had to register just to tell you shut up. Just shut up,please!

      • FasholasLover January 22, 2016 at 5:51 pm

        @is that why we are here. You are obviously one of those grads who have your head in the wrong place. Yet, you wonder why you cannot pass recruitment interviews. We talk now you sef go say you go Uni.

        You could just have said thank you and learn. Not all corrections are bad you know. Idiat.

      • YES THAT IS WHY WE ARE HERE!!!!! January 22, 2016 at 6:18 pm

        Isthatwhywearehere. You are very stupid
        I come on BN for information and to learn. Only you know why you are here. If the only reason you registered is to show your ignorance SHAME ON YOU! On this blog we know those who have quality education and those who went to backyard schools. @fasholaslover, is correct. So stop exhibiting your stupidity here. If you don’t want to learn go and read about egg plants.

      • Ogamadam January 22, 2016 at 7:19 pm

        Really..I thought it is that you “commence” at a new job/place…

      • Ada Ada January 22, 2016 at 7:47 pm

        @Ogamadam, in this context, commence is not proper English.

      • ElessarisElendil January 23, 2016 at 1:20 am

        Why are you this cold??

        *Insert popular Frozen song*

      • Cindy January 23, 2016 at 3:47 am

        Like the article said, I’d hate to be judgmental but honestly people like you on BN irritate me. There is a way to correct someone without making the person look dumb. You could have just said, “Hey dear, it is assume not resume. I’ve seen people get confused with both words in this context and I think it would be nice to share this little knowledge with you….” Then you go ahead with the rest of your explanantion. Believe me, the other person wouldn’t come at you being all defensive but with this stupid comment of yours, she has every right to be.
        You sure sound like you are used to bullying others. Please get off your high horse and put that superiority complex in check!

      • FasholasLover January 23, 2016 at 10:47 am

        @Cindy, you must be blind. Did you not see “No shade” What has “dear” and all your juvenile diatribe got to do with the said correction? I am not your mama, l cannot help your feeling of inadequacy. Pls. fall back.

      • Smackdown January 23, 2016 at 11:35 am

        Oh for crying out loud..obviously you knew what she meant, and so did we. No need for the bloody unwarranted grammar lessons. People can post whatever the hell they please in whatever fashion. That’s the beauty of free speech.
        P.s— before you jump in with another Snide remark, yes we know this applies to you as well, sigh!!!!

      • Kike January 23, 2016 at 1:33 pm

        @cindy thanks a lot for your comment… Fasholaslover has her head stuck in her ass! Why do u think the person who asked you “is this why we are here?” Is a grad without a Job and can’t pass recruitments…. She could be earning twice your salary. stupid shell grad ( your words gave u away)

      • Yeah right January 23, 2016 at 7:25 pm

        And you just had to call someone “very stupid” to make a point. Na WA for you people o. “You come on BN to learn” and INSULT faceless people who don’t know you and vice versa.

      • reply January 25, 2016 at 10:38 am

        As for madam “I come to BN to learn” – since when did BN become your college or uni? The more I read that comment, the more I suspect it is FL using another device.
        Nothing we won’t see in this internet world. Orishirisi

      • ….. January 27, 2016 at 11:18 am

        Do we then agree you are the one liking your own comments? Some people agree with her you know.

    • honey omo lekki January 22, 2016 at 5:48 pm

      How many people in the same office are saying same thing about you? You might need to “chillax” a bit. We spend more hours in the office than at home, so it pays to make it as conducive as possible. Not saying there wont be haters, but …..

    • Yeah right January 23, 2016 at 7:23 pm

      No shade indeed. BN bully

  • Divaclan January 22, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    Wee said. People should learn to give others a chance to present themselves and not form hurried assumptions based on ‘first impressions’

  • Nammy January 22, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    I actually have first impressions of people, if it’s a good impression, i leave it at that and conclude that the person is good nice and friendly but if it’s a bad impression I try to look for other opportunities to prove myself wrong before I finally conclude on the personality of the person.

  • Jagbajantis January 22, 2016 at 5:33 pm

    I am the type of fella who mirrors whatever I received from a stranger. If you are friendly towards me, I can be the most open and down to earth person. For people who carry airs, I do the same to them. All is fair in love and war.

    Before I used to dumb down a bit to relate to these types. But I see that patronizing certain persons to soothe their egos is counter-productive. Cream always rises to the top. Besides I can engage on any type of subject with a light level of expertise at the very least – history, tech, politics, current affairs, popular media etc.

    But sometimes people bring out the worst in you. They are intimidated by your material possessions; they cower before your intelligence; they hate you because of your upbringing. They label you a snob because of your zest for life. Some people cannot be helped – they just want to watch the world burn. Your world burn, actually.

  • Nonye January 22, 2016 at 7:07 pm

    This write up is my thoughts exactly.

  • Barbs January 22, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    LOL reminds me of my previous church. There were certain girls that thought I was a snub because of my upbringing(very different backgrounds). I am the very quiet type when I’m out and I love being on my own except I’m asked to do something. Those girls will act all nice to your face and say the worst things behind you. They called me a snub, an arrogant person and would deliberately exempt you from certain activities so I can be ‘pained’. Their inferority complexes tho.

  • Honeycrown January 23, 2016 at 7:45 am

    Lovely article, I enjoyed it. I form first impressions about people but whether good or bad, I try not to rely on my judgement because I know that “assumption is the mother of all screw ups!”
    I like the witty last paragraph of the article. too!

  • Mz_danielz January 23, 2016 at 8:36 am

    So some close peeps in the office said I was jealous and envious. They kept carrying that gist around. I did some soul searching to see if it was true then I moved on. The funny thing is they never say it to my face. They just keep gossiping. Love is a powerful force however. I’ve learnt to genuinely love pple, pray for them and wish them the best while being smart in my dealings with them. The moment nothing can make you hate, you’re a winner.

  • NoDerailingPls January 23, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    And that is how they derail a post entirely…. All these busybody correcters, please occupy yourselves and your time with other things na. I was looking forward to people sharing their experiences not for peeps to start referring to others as “idiats” and “very stupid”

  • concerned9a January 23, 2016 at 11:16 pm

    Had to leave a 9ja group here in the diaspora for athe same reasons…just because one is reserved and hasn’t got the average Joe..Joanna mindset
    As for the English Lecturer we sure had our run ins…don’t come for me unless I call for you..capiche! !

    • FasholasLover January 24, 2016 at 11:45 am

      We did? Come on, you are still smarting from past rub – ins? Either your ego is very fragile or l burnt you real baaad. If you cannot take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Capiche?

  • concerned9ja January 24, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    Nah..If I recall you resorted to personal jibes or were somewhat abusive…
    That’s where I leave my trail or snow prints…when it gets to that level…
    Had one with @Carlifornia…but the respect was there..
    Anyway we agree to disagree it’s Sunday right..

    • stop wailing January 27, 2016 at 10:06 am

      Stop playing the victim. you called her out so you deserve any perceived insult you get.. You are just as guilty. Snow print my foot. I dont like people who blame every body but themselves.

  • reply January 25, 2016 at 10:18 am

    concerned9ja, i’m really impressed with the maturity you’ve displayed. Please keep being yourself.

    As for FL who is obviously so full of herself, all i have to say is life has a way of teaching people a lesson in due time.

    • stop wailing January 27, 2016 at 10:07 am

      And you do we then agree you are the one liking your comments by yourself?

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