Loud Thinker: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

I have gone back and forth with a lot of girlfriends about this topic. For me it’s a no. I don’t think there can be a clear friendship after a break up. Some friends said “well, it depends on how the relationship ended”. In their opinion, if the relationship ended amicably and both parties parted ways without any mess then there is room for a friendship. One of my girlfriends even said one of her exes has now turned out to be a very good friend. Two snaps and a twirl to them for making it work, but for me I still believe that it is not possible. Well, maybe ‘not possible’ is not exactly right so I will say I don’t advise it. Just as they say men and women can’t be friends because someone always wants more, I believe that the same thing applies to people who become friends after a relationship.

I always tell little stories to solidify my point of view so here goes another one. By the way I hope my BN family like reading those stories that give a little insight about this loud thinker.

I met Paul and instantly there was chemistry between us. Something we tried hard to ignore because we met at the wrong time. You know that moment when you meet someone and you are not single. Then the moment you are single it just so happens that the person is in a relationship and so on. Well that was exactly the story between Paul and I but we were able to keep the friendship while trying our hardest to ignore the chemistry. Finally the timing became right and we decided to give it a go.

Whatever chemical substance we felt between us soon dissolved and we decided to path ways. We still tried our best to remain friends but it was very tough. We will call each other and reminisce about good times and sometimes went out on dates. We sometimes forgot we were friends when we ran into each other at social events. In the midst of this, he happened to find himself a girlfriend. I was actually relief that the line will be drawn between us out of respect for the relationship.

We went from reminiscing to being friends and again trying hard to ignore the chemistry that somehow appeared again. We were slowly getting there. During our phone calls, after Paul’s usual “have you moved on?” “who are you with now?” “do you miss me?”, we were able to just catch up as friends because I always turned him down or avoided those kind of questions. I did this because this was my first go around at trying to be friends with an ex.

Finally the awkward questions disappeared and it was just friendship. One day he called me and asked if I still cared about him. I said no and reminded him that he was with someone. Paul said “ok because I am going to propose to her”. I asked for details and he told me and I wished him luck. A few weeks passed and I asked him how the proposal went. My people oh! This boy flooded my Whatsapp with pictures and videos of the proposal, the ring and all the emotional pictures that were taken after she said yes. My first reaction was “ah ah one picture or the video of the proposal will do. Am I the maid of honor?”. But I went ahead and congratulated him and asked him if he was ready and he said yes.
Then about a month later, Paul was back with not only the awkward questions but he was asking to see me. I spoke to my friend and she told me “you two cannot be friends” and that was exactly what I told him.

This is not the only reason why I believe it is a bad idea to be friends with your ex. I have had other experiences that have made me believe that a friendship is hard after a breakup. Some people will say that it depends on how long you have dated the person, or how the relationship ended, or if there was a friendship prior to the relationship.

I will still say that it is very hard to maintain especially if it was a long relationship and it was very emotional. If you do want to become friends with an ex, I will advice making sure that your feelings are completely under control. Make sure that deep deep deep down (I say deep three times because we never like to admit this point) in your heart there is no and I mean no ounce of hope that the friendship will lead to a relationship again because this is where people usually feel the hurt from the relationship all over again.

I am not saying that exes cannot get back together. This life get as ei be. If you do get back together great but I am talking about situations where both parties know that ending the relationship is the best thing to do. What do you think about the topic? Do you think exes can maintain a friendship right after a breakup? Do you have a friend that was once a partner? Share your experiences with me. I love reading the comments.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

85 Comments on Loud Thinker: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?
  • Spunky February 19, 2016 at 10:20 pm

    Yeah! Very possible. But at some point, one party could want more (perhaps for the moment). After eight years in a relationship, my ex got married and we severed all ties. Fast forward to almost five years later, she reached out due to emotional stress arising from her troubled marriage…at some point, she wanted more than I could give and out of respect for myself, I had to flee from temptation. It all depends anyway.

    • Loud Thinker February 20, 2016 at 12:18 am

      Thanks for your comment and interesting to see that after so long there was still hope for a connection due to her situation.

    • Caligula February 20, 2016 at 1:38 am

      It depends on if you ever loved the ex or not. I’m friends with just one ex…never loved him, we actually have so much in common. I like him better now and see a long term friendship because I’m now able to get to know him on a casual level. We are good friends! ?

      The only guy I’ve ever loved apart from my current beau……I can’t be friends with him, not true friends anyway. We just do oju aiye for each other even though we talked about Working on a friendship despite everything. He’s on all my social media, snapchat, gbogbo e…..bhet we secretly resent each other ???

      • Caligula February 20, 2016 at 1:41 am

        My hubby is great friends with all his exes and I’m perfectly fine with it. They can still fantasize about him but I get to do him every night… ??

        It’s really once or twice a week…but who’s counting ???

      • FasholasLover February 20, 2016 at 11:39 am

        How come anytime l see your moniker, l just giggle/laugh? This happens every time. Caligula the evil one!

      • Tosin February 20, 2016 at 12:45 pm

        Thank you for this ‘oju aiye’ tip. It helped me figure out something…someone I’ve been making overtures to who has apparently been making overtures back but hmm, maybe I should have had the sense siiince to know that she doesn’t bloody like my ass. I sha like her, she’s ‘friends’ (romantic) with my friend so I feel a need to include her more you know build a large circle of love and trust kumbaya. Story of my life. Her own circle is for two lol.

  • hmmmmm February 19, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    Can you be friends with your ex…….
    Me: for what! The reason is to avoid some kind of things.i will feel very awkward if my husband is friends with his ex,I don’t tolerate it at all.There is a saying that goes ‘old firewood no Dey quench’ For Christ sake,there are other 6 billion wonderful people in the world.one ex cannot tie me down.He is an ex for a reason.

    • Loud Thinker February 20, 2016 at 12:19 am

      hihihihihi I like that saying “old firewood no dey quench”

      • Anon February 20, 2016 at 11:27 am

        Says who? You pour water on it and there you have it!

  • jennietobbie February 19, 2016 at 10:42 pm

    It’s a NO for me. I’m not about that life.

    • ATL’s finest February 19, 2016 at 11:38 pm

      @Jennietobbie U sound like me. That ‘NO’ of yours in capital letters got me rolling. I just CAN NOT see myself doing it. We have bn there, done it & outta it. If it didn’t work then, it ain’t gonna work now. So what’s d point? Ain’t trying to go down memory lane with no Ex-.

      Most times, they end up becoming friends with benefits. Mbanu I just CAN’T deal.

      • Loud Thinker February 20, 2016 at 12:20 am

        I like that “Its a NO” too. That got me laughing

    • Odds March 29, 2016 at 12:25 pm

      Lmbo at that NO.

      I say it all depends on how the relationship ended. I am friends with all my exes but since I am now in a committed relationship, I don’t communicate with them out of respect for who I am dating.

      When my ex got engaged and married I called him up and we talked and laughed and I congratulated him.

      I personally don’t know how to make enemies so if an ex wants to be angry or carry a grudge, they can keep themselves in prison. Not my cup of tea.

  • Yrimu February 19, 2016 at 10:54 pm

    Yes you can, from a distance. I am friends with my ex only on phone and email. Never met up with him, never will intentionally..

    • Loud Thinker February 20, 2016 at 12:21 am

      Yea I see how the distance can help.

  • Pat February 19, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    In Tamar Braxton words “Absolutely Definitely No, if we were cool why aren”t we together” lol

    Anyway, as for me it depends on the circumstance of the break up. E.g maybe long distance etc. But if my ex was a complete jerk nobody got time for friendship but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish the ex well. Again, its important for the exes to know their boundaries if they choose to remain friends. Just because I am your friend doesn’t mean I want u back and I don’t need the ex bringing up uncessary discussions or reminiscing about our “affectionate relationship” in the past. In a nuthshell its take a matured disciplined mind to know how to appropriately maintain such friendship. Also, this applies to a man who is in a committed relationship with a woman and has a female best friend or a woman in a commmitted relationship with a man who has male bestfriend. Respect is also key.

  • made February 19, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    NO!!! even if someone asked me if we dated ill say No cause you don’t exist!!!

  • SimplAmazing February 19, 2016 at 11:01 pm

    My 2exes are like my best friends now, no leftover feelings at all, so yes it’s possible

  • nwa nna February 19, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    Of course, you can be friends with your ex but you’ll be walking a fine line… It’s not for everyone, trust me it takes a certain type of person to be friends with their ex with no other strings attached.. You cannot cut off a good friend just because they’re your ex, sometimes you end up as better friends than you were as partners 😉

  • bunmi February 19, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    Errr seeing as all my ex’s were supreme assholes that would be a NO for me. As a woman i would definetly not want to see that my husband still keeps in touch with his Ex so that means i wouldnt be either. its awkward and very unnecessary.., if things ended amicably all that means is that whenever we see in public we can be cordial but friends? NAH!!

    • nwa nna February 19, 2016 at 11:25 pm

      @bunmi, you do know how to pick them. Don’t you? 😛

  • Cemi February 19, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    I am friends with all my exes. We parted ways amicably and we all still chat once in a while. One actually turned out to be my confidante. Easier to relate with guys than females.

    • Olu February 19, 2016 at 11:58 pm

      ex,…confidant? Careful o

    • Loud Thinker February 20, 2016 at 12:22 am

      Yea it has a lot to do with how the relationships ended. Good for you!

    • Another angle February 20, 2016 at 1:28 am

      Do you mind if I ask if you’re in a relationship now? Were you intimate with them? (Especially the confidant)

  • beast February 19, 2016 at 11:12 pm

    good thing y’all are not in Hollywood

  • ‘Dassah February 19, 2016 at 11:12 pm

    That’s a big NO for me! The time I tried something like that, we were friends for four years. He had girlfriends while I was single because I wasn’t over him and kept comparing every guy I met to him.
    Complete waste of time. ..Never again!
    Please let the ex go for good!

  • Nuellavista February 19, 2016 at 11:18 pm

    Excuse me,
    Whatever happened to building high fences and burning bridges ???
    That way it’s easier to say Hello from a thousand miles. No new boo would like to see an old boo hanging around as “friends” it could spark a lot of tensions.

  • Grace February 19, 2016 at 11:19 pm

    Lesson learned. Be secure and ready for a relationship so you don’t have Ex’s.
    My lesson learn; it doesn’t mean if someone admits they were wrong and you forgive them. Doesn’t guarantee they wouldn’t want to get even with you. Due to their pride and shame, the break up costed.
    So my lesson learned is NO! I CAN’T BE.
    I take my time getting to know myself and also any other person’s I meet.
    For you attract what you got.
    I rushed into relationships,- both not ready.
    I forgave and maintain friendship which I later learned; it was one sided. They never were my friends. The Lord reveals the heart of men. They ensured they served their revenge. The Lord saved me and has restored me. I have learned my lesson.
    I am not quick to label friends or rush into relationship no matter the attraction.

    • Bolu February 20, 2016 at 12:12 am

      “Lesson learned. Be secure and ready for a relationship so you don’t have Ex’s” Been secure and ready for a relationship doesn’t necessary mean u won’t have an ex. Having an ex doesn’t necessarily equate to something negative.

    • oil March 21, 2016 at 11:57 am

      the hearts of wombed-men are no different from the hearts of men

  • madman February 19, 2016 at 11:27 pm

    Naaah. No point.

  • Bebabe February 19, 2016 at 11:35 pm

    I may see him in the street or shopping centre and say hello but I wouldn’t. If someone wants to truly move, it is a big No. New partner would come in and I wouldn’t want to create unnecessary situation. They are our past, hence the reason they call them “Ex”

  • kaybee February 19, 2016 at 11:47 pm

    If we are meant to be friends, we would still be together!
    This does not mean we are enemies, If I see him, I will say a civil hello, how’s the family, goodbye.
    In fact my ex whatsapped me recently, I was very frosty cos he was frankly admiring my profile pic, In my mind, I was like, wetin dey worry this porzon? How did he even get my number?
    Besides, if my hubby wants to be ‘friends’ with his ex, I know I would absolutely not like it.

  • Ijebujesha February 20, 2016 at 12:01 am

    How about not having an ex? How about your spouse being your first (and if it works, your only) romantic partner? how about we go back to those good, old values of decency and chastity? how about we start to take pride in virginity till wedding night and be shameful about an alredy broaden womanhood or an already overused manhood on weddig night? How about we stop being more western than oyinbos and reclaim our lost moral codes.? Abuse me, call me names but think about it…..how about………..

    • Doxa February 20, 2016 at 2:04 am

      There’s no use crying after the milk is spilled.
      Let’s think progressively shall we?

    • I just waka come… February 20, 2016 at 6:29 am

      How about you wake up and do your pile of laundry?

      • Ijebujesha February 20, 2016 at 3:47 pm

        Lol. How on earth did you know I’ve got a pile and I’ve been feeling lazy about it?

    • Tosin February 20, 2016 at 12:37 pm

      How about if you never ‘sinned’ with your romantic partner? Mind out of the gutter 😉

  • ElessarisElendil February 20, 2016 at 12:29 am

    It must be me, but this topic has been beaten to death. It always ends with the consensus that some can others can not.

  • Honeycrown February 20, 2016 at 12:43 am

    It’s a NO for me too simply because one day one day, fly wey no dey hear word go follow dead body enter grave.
    Meanwhile, I have this friend o whose entire family practices keeping in touch with their Exes and as liberal as I am, their own pass my power. I’ve asked several times in the past & questioned if there’s infidelity going on but I’m always dismissed and get responses like, “of course not, it’s not a big deal, stop acting like an old woman”. When they host social events, na like re-union of the Ex-es o! Their parents are also familiar with the Ex-es. The one wey shock me pass? My friends sibling (who is married) lives next door to their married Ex. No be say same street or community o AS IN, house number 42 & 44! Another of the sibling is still roommates with their Ex and currently in a new relationship. They have even renewed their lease for another year sef. And yes, they are Nigerians.

    • Rita February 20, 2016 at 1:40 am

      Hey do the family live in New Jersey? I might know who they are lol

    • Ladybird February 20, 2016 at 2:18 am

      WOW they must be really chill..lol..but honestly I think it’s not bad as long as both parties have respect for each other and are mature enough…

    • ATL’s finest February 20, 2016 at 6:39 am

      @ Honey crown Yes , they are Grinding ? Just kidding but it’s very weird, unusual & unheard of.

      • Honeycrown February 20, 2016 at 7:20 pm

        Lol….Yes @ATL finest extremely unusual and I doubt that any of that is going on. The family is just different o and a truly loving bunch that make friends into family.
        @Rita no, not NJ hehehe
        @Ladybird, yes they are chilliest & most down to earth

  • zoranx February 20, 2016 at 1:19 am

    We are talking about been friends here, i am friend with all my exes we are even better friends now than when we were patners or lovers we still help and advice each others.

    • Tosin February 20, 2016 at 12:35 pm

      I think it’s related to the “why date” question. I think if it’s all about finding one then all the others are waste. But if it’s about meeting people, then yes.
      By and large my exes are my good friends and my good friends are my exes.

  • Another angle February 20, 2016 at 1:23 am

    Except the relationship did not go serious and we kinda checked out at the very early dating stage. And we are joined by work or something else. Even at that, conversation would be diplomatic and our meeting brief.
    Otherwise, no. The purpose of dating is happily ever after. If it does not end in happily ever after, something went wrong. Why o why would you pick (out of 7 billion male and female potential friends) someone who things went wrong with, to be your friend and confidant? It’s even more inappropriate when you have been intimate and they have seen your sweaty ecstasy face.

  • Cha February 20, 2016 at 2:13 am

    Hmmmm Friends with your ex? Probably.I decided to be friends with my ex soon after we broke up.I would call to say hi and all tha
    because we promised to never burn out as we were very good friends before we became lovers. He even asked favors nd i would oblige and i went all out of my way to help. Got to a crescendo where we were chatting on a particular day nd he alleged i was flirting with him.I took a pause and realized i had to take a step back.And now,it’s just a hello-hi relationship. I did try but he wasn’t putting in any effort to be friends, so i gave up.

  • franck February 20, 2016 at 3:14 am

    Hmmm……. Okafor’s Law Of Congodynamics.

    Have you ever wondered why Girls especially will always accept to be ”Apakolyzed by there ‘EX’??
    Have you ever wondered why married men and women still cannot resist that one guy they dated far back in time. Exs, i bring you…
    Okafor’s Law of Congodynamics
    C 1 P = C ∞
    It states that once a Congo has been shined once (C 1 ) , it can always be shined (C ∞ ) provided it was shined properly ( P) the previous times.(emphasis on properly). In other words, “….a woman once knacked, can be reknacked…”

    Pls stay off your Ex if he/she did you well, because you will want to be well again, it’s only a matter of time.

  • D February 20, 2016 at 3:31 am

    No! Am not cool like that cause all my exes want more than hello! Why?they feel I don’t nag not knowing that I really don’t fall in love not because my heart got broken but because the one I like no gree grow Up.
    My husband invited is friendly ex to our wedding my sister sensed something when she saw them dancing and told me go there and block her.I said nah….he his wiser than that,some weeks later I read their pre-wedding what’s app chat n.a. so after morning devotion when he still in the habit of worship told him i don’t like their freindship and i want it to end right away.we already discussed what we would do if at any point someone want to step out.

  • magh February 20, 2016 at 5:04 am

    i have dated bobo all thru college.. broke up and did friendship and we got back together.. if we break up again.. i will not be doing friendship.. I would cut him off completely.. how would i really move on if i remained friends with my first love who I have dated for more than 5 years.. which kind friendship be dat ?

  • Branded February 20, 2016 at 7:51 am

    well, I broke up with an ex not because we weren’t compatible socially and emotionally, but because of out health… we are both AS. so, unlike other exes, am real comfortable being her friend and stuff… distance also helps us, else….

  • HALIMA February 20, 2016 at 8:12 am

    Yes and No. For me, I think it depends on the way we broke up. Every situation is different. If you hurt me so badly I can only forgive and move on but will never remain friends with you. If we had mutual agreement on the break-up and there were no too much hard feelings I can be friend with you.

  • F February 20, 2016 at 8:15 am

    Pls my BN readers I need your views in my current issue..will u date your friend ex ..even if she says she doesnt have issues with your decision.. …(meanwhile she is engaged to be married to someone else soon)

    • Missappleberry February 20, 2016 at 9:58 am

      Please do not date your friend’s ex! Wtf is wrong with u? Even if the said friend is now happily married. There are a million and one guys out there. Why an ex of a friend?

    • Tosin February 20, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      Please date your friends ex. Jesus, by time you eliminate exes, exes of friends, and everybody in your network, who will you hook up with? Na to go use remote online dating be dat.
      That’s how my sister one time expressed her shock that I had a thing with some guy, why, because he’s her former colleague. I gave her some time to think about it because my dear, former colleague ke. C’mon shift.

  • Hopefully February 20, 2016 at 8:24 am

    I just recently got out of a relationship & I can NEVER be friends with this guy…although i hv known him all my life, the relationship was short and It didn’t end well! On the other hand, I am friends with another ex. I have a civil relationship with his siblings and his wife. I visit his home and play with his kids and he his my confidant. I respect him a lot and because we share similar values, we can never cross the line (we never crossed the line when we were 2geda). My recent ex even wanted to know if I told him we were 2geda bcos he knows we are still great friends. So I’ll end by saying “to thy self be true” I’m friends with him bcos he is a great guy and I NEVER think of “something can happen” cos he his happily married and I will not sow an evil seed that I will reap in future. take care

  • Jo! February 20, 2016 at 8:27 am

    I don’t have exes

  • Ope February 20, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Once we know the Strengths and weaknesses of our partners,I think that should be the determinant factor.
    Stumbled on my Ex’s chat with her ex while we were still dating. It read “I forgot to get airtime when I got home,it was late. I saw my period yesterday. Congrats,you’re not going to be a father” and the dude was like,Thank God. I found out later,that it’s being that way between them for years,since he deflowered her. Was he the only ex she kept contact and was knacking,NO. For me,goodbye to your ex. I don’t have too many of them,just two. I keep zero contact with both

  • Mowunmi February 20, 2016 at 9:09 am

    It depends…. Yes and No. It just depends on how they conduct themselves. And the nature of their initial relationship, it’s course and end. And their innate nature .Sometimes it’s good and safe and helpful but sometimes not so much. 

  • Ope February 20, 2016 at 9:34 am

    Once we know the Strengths and weaknesses of our partners,I think that should be the determinant factor.
    Stumbled on my Ex’s chat with her ex while we were still dating. It read “I forgot to get airtime when I got home,it was late. I saw my period yesterday. Congrats,you’re not going to be a father” and the dude was like. Was he the only one she kept contacts with and was doing ,NO. I don’t have too many of them,just two,I keep zero contact with them.

  • joey February 20, 2016 at 9:59 am

    My ex broke up with me to go get married after 3yrs of dating to someone he met for eight months. I had dated in the past though but he was my 1st love sort of, so after the break up we agreed to stay friends since we were friends before we started dating ……… Old fireworks sparked one day and I got preggy, told ex and he said he insisted I keep the baby that he had always wanted it all along. Dude got married and less than two weeks after his marriage he waltzed back to how the child was his only hope and we should keep it …….story too long jawe, well from my personal experience being friends with an Ex is a disaster waiting to happen. Run Run Runaway.

  • Christina-rose February 20, 2016 at 10:50 am

    Well it all depends, we broke up due to some circumstances beyond us (the forbidden fruit in Igbo land. OSU) but we are just friends now, we’ve both move on with our lives

  • deedee February 20, 2016 at 10:54 am

    I keep saying this ……EX are non-existance ..All ties you had with them EX_pired … even the bible says behold old things have passed away ….head for what’s new…. so really I dont think i have or you all have exes …..You have had all the friendship and getting to know in the past…..What really is the point being friends again ???? …

  • Damseldami February 20, 2016 at 12:14 pm

    Friends with ex ke.. Story of my husband life cannot do without one ex to the other and never kept it platonic smh. Part of the many reasons why we are now separated Jare after all I also have exes but out of respect for my “marriage” I purposely left the exes in the past.. Don’t know why his own was different anyway that is now in my past ?

  • YUMMY CHICK CUM MUMMY February 20, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    it depends thou, those i truly love , i didnt become friends with him….plus the ex i have a child for, i have no choice than to be friend with him. for the child’s sake,it is a hard thou esp. if u still have feelings for each other but boundaries must be drawn.#story of my life#………… Lord , strengthen me more

  • Tosin February 20, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    everybody chill.

  • YUMMY CHICK CUM MUMMY February 20, 2016 at 12:32 pm

    forgive my typo errors

  • Asake February 20, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    It depends on the circumstances that led to your breakup. If your friendship will have a negative impact on you or your new relationship, keep the friendship civil or stay away.

    If you are vulnerable or your ex still has your mumu button; then let him or her go.

  • lstone February 20, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    very big no for me…

  • TushTuah February 20, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    To be on a safer side, the answer is NO. It will get get complicated and awkward.

  • Chukwuka February 20, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    Dear Brothers and Sisters in the Lord. I have a #WORD! **** Speak it Brother I hear someone say? ok yels!!
    During my undergraduate days in a University located in the Oil & gas capital of Nigeria, that University that had reputation for housing “Beauty queens, Cultists and “Oppressors yeah? Ehen ‘Ima’ihe’m ne ku yeah?. In that University, there existed a bro. His name was Nengiefa , he was a cousin to me. He had a bae, lets call her Enefa. Nengi dated enefa as a “Pay as you go”, Meanwhile Enefa was busy loving him. I knew this was what was going on so I kept mute. i kept mute cos Enefa’s parents owned the apartment where we lived off K. They loved us but never knew my cousin Nengi was dating their dorta”. After 3 years, Enefa started seeing ‘ Ronke” her course mate flock around her boyfriend, meanwhile Osas was also coming so also was Bola. Nengi had 4 babes, Enefa was 1,, Bola was 2, Ronke was 3, while Nana was 4. They all had financial benefits and thats y nengi kept them. They had visiting time tables too!. on 17th of August one year, Enefa was walking past our apartment when she overhead ‘soulful screams. It was not normal, when she tip toed, she discovered Nengi was “working”. She attempted bursting into the room only for Nengi and the client to remain calm. The door was locked! No noise but they were mhhhs and ahhhs! . With full proof, rather than apologise, Nengi denied like a baptised demon, He slapped Enefa and drove her out. Enefa came back next day to apologise only to see Nengi and babae number 4 , in wrong positioned moves. She never complained, but remained with them till 4pm when Nengi asked her to leave. This even repeated it self 5 times and Nengi left! She even changed department and lost a year!

    In Final year, we learnt that Enefa was preggie for her guy, the dude has done the intro and stuffs needed.Then the Devil struck!
    Nengi knew of this and was jealous! I asked him “U no wan marry her but u wan dey poka? he replied, U no know say we fit still be friends even when she don marry and I go still dey chop beans? I remained silent until the following week when I learnt that both of them had reconciled through mutual friends. Nengiefa promised to help with the wedding plans coming up next April.

    Little did we know that Nengi’s friendship was not true.

    Finally, Enefa fell in for Nengi, terminated the baby she was carrying for her guy and went back to Nengi. The wedding was cancelled. Enefa’s parents became furious and demanded to know what Nengi had done to their daughter. it was during this period that i also discovered that Nengi had worked out plans to go on Graduate internship in Czech republic. Nengi left without telling Enefa, Enefa lost the baby and the boo to be!

    #Lesson. It ain’t safe to keep ex’es as friends. U might be tempted to forge the bond but with time, it will translate into a pit. Resist the ex and flee!.
    #Shikena. Eku gwom nkem!.

    • Ivy February 20, 2016 at 6:44 pm

      Unique Uniport…..?. Kindly remind Nengi that karma is a bitch! & Enefa, no words.

    • jhennique February 20, 2016 at 7:38 pm

      PHC. The city of godless people. I wonder how I left that uni with all or maybe most of my sanity. I never wanna go back there

    • abeg jo February 23, 2016 at 7:12 am

      na wa oh. nengi na sociopath oh. kalahari boy too shey?

  • nyinye February 20, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    Being friends wit an ex is a bit tricky oo. Currently, my ex is my best friend. We had d most beautiful relationship for 3 years but something went wrong along d line nd we broke up. After a few months, he reached out to me nd we became friends again. we’v been friends since

    . I wnt lie oo, d first one year, we crossed d line a few times sexually (we were both single at d time sha), we den decided it was prolly a bad idea continuing d friendship so we put some distance between us, but mehn, we just hav dis natural chemistry and it wasn’t long before we became close again, but this time, we talked about our boundaries nd agreed that nothing intimate would ever happen between us again. I still visit him and we still talk about everything under d sun. We both run all our decisions by each other even to d who we date. My boyfriend is so suspicious of our friendship but I swore to him dat there is nothing going on so he has chilled a bit.

    It’s really tricky but d truth is, some people r so much more valuable as friends dan as partners. U don’t want to loose out on d value they can add to ur life becos u r trying to burn bridges.

  • Celeste February 21, 2016 at 2:12 am

    A big fat NO for me, especially if I loved him much. How can I be just friends with a man I still love? That’s pretense! How can I be friends with a man I don’t like anymore because we ended badly? That’s impossible! Doing both is living a lie. As a matter of fact, I don’t keep them as friends on social network – facebook, bbm, twitter et al. And If the relationship ended on a sad note, I avoid him as much as I can and if I bumped into him I don’t even say hi – I just act like I don’t know him. He is an ex, you never know what he genuinely thinks or says about you to his family and friends – I doubt he talks nicely about you to them – if you both were good together, you’ll still be together. So why trying too hard to fake what’s not real? Exes should live their lives, let’s live ours – NO FRIENDSHIP. It doesn’t mean we mean evil for them, we just minding our business; minding our lives.

  • Tosin February 21, 2016 at 6:48 am

    Dear Aunt Bella,
    When I grow up I want to be Alexander the Great, Kanye West, Jesus Christ/Prophet Muhammed (saw), Obasanjo, Poincare and Joyce (just for starters). As it turns out, I was born female. I obviously need to network to be all that I can be, but girls are silly and boys get engaged/married which I’m told means I can’t network with them. Which leaves me with God and angels, yeah, I hang out with them a lot.
    Can you make a law…or…help me find more friends? Mmua.

  • Reuben February 21, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    I don’t know what the fuck people are saying about this but am friends with my exs. The first was three years break up and the second was two years break up and we still friends. we chat, call and skype.

  • Worriedbabe February 21, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    I dated a guy in my early years for almost 4yrs about 15yrs ago and we ended the relationship not really due to any serious reason. He actually is my first crush and we never had sex together. Now we are both married and we live in different parts of the country. We do call each other once in a while. I went for a training in the town he lives, he came to check on me and took me out. We hugged and suddenly everything, all the feelings we used to have for each other came rushing back. We talked about those days. We chat and call each other frequently and always look forward to us seeing again.

    I have tried to discourage him and don’t want to see him again coz I don’t trust myself with him and I don’t want to break my marriage.
    Friendly with your ex is not advisable.

  • sammiewolf February 22, 2016 at 11:03 am

    These things aren’t black and white. I bet most people (including the writer), who say NO, may still find themselves in this situation in future. Chemistry, feelings and desires no dey obey logical reasoning. Add to that the fact that every person and every relationship is peculiar, and you might see my point…and oh, we all know that in our country today, relationship (and EX) get different definition for different people.

  • tee-mama February 22, 2016 at 1:53 pm

    I have an ex i am still friends with, hes married now…..we still keep in touch both on fone and social media. Then there is another ex i dont know if to call a friend or not…maybe frenemies….the break up wasnt a good one, we both cried but then he keeps blaming me when he was the one that went chasing a woman in the first place before i reacted. When it happened initially we didnt talk for months , when we eventually did talk he was more hurt than i was, i thought we could talk things out and get back together but bobo had gotten a rebound in that few months of not talking….we decided to part ways…we call each other on birthdays and say hi once in a while…but the minute we get to be alone in a room, we indulge in s**…..as for me i would say the only way you can stay friends with an ex is when both parties have moved on with no feelings….theres no way am just gonna be your friend when in me i still nurse an atom of love for you….btw i hate the attitude hes giving now…i just wanna hate him as well right now….

  • Grace February 24, 2016 at 8:07 pm

    yep I agree. I dont support friendship with the ex. Too messy. besides, the guy ex is usually very disrespectful cos they tend to ask stupid questions about your sex life and try to make you compare….

  • Odds March 29, 2016 at 12:32 pm

    This always boils down to, some can and some can’t.

    I am friends with everyone I’ve dated, unless of course they don’t want to be.

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