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Loud Thinker: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?



I have gone back and forth with a lot of girlfriends about this topic. For me it’s a no. I don’t think there can be a clear friendship after a break up. Some friends said “well, it depends on how the relationship ended”. In their opinion, if the relationship ended amicably and both parties parted ways without any mess then there is room for a friendship. One of my girlfriends even said one of her exes has now turned out to be a very good friend. Two snaps and a twirl to them for making it work, but for me I still believe that it is not possible. Well, maybe ‘not possible’ is not exactly right so I will say I don’t advise it. Just as they say men and women can’t be friends because someone always wants more, I believe that the same thing applies to people who become friends after a relationship.

I always tell little stories to solidify my point of view so here goes another one. By the way I hope my BN family like reading those stories that give a little insight about this loud thinker.

I met Paul and instantly there was chemistry between us. Something we tried hard to ignore because we met at the wrong time. You know that moment when you meet someone and you are not single. Then the moment you are single it just so happens that the person is in a relationship and so on. Well that was exactly the story between Paul and I but we were able to keep the friendship while trying our hardest to ignore the chemistry. Finally the timing became right and we decided to give it a go.

Whatever chemical substance we felt between us soon dissolved and we decided to path ways. We still tried our best to remain friends but it was very tough. We will call each other and reminisce about good times and sometimes went out on dates. We sometimes forgot we were friends when we ran into each other at social events. In the midst of this, he happened to find himself a girlfriend. I was actually relief that the line will be drawn between us out of respect for the relationship.

We went from reminiscing to being friends and again trying hard to ignore the chemistry that somehow appeared again. We were slowly getting there. During our phone calls, after Paul’s usual “have you moved on?” “who are you with now?” “do you miss me?”, we were able to just catch up as friends because I always turned him down or avoided those kind of questions. I did this because this was my first go around at trying to be friends with an ex.

Finally the awkward questions disappeared and it was just friendship. One day he called me and asked if I still cared about him. I said no and reminded him that he was with someone. Paul said “ok because I am going to propose to her”. I asked for details and he told me and I wished him luck. A few weeks passed and I asked him how the proposal went. My people oh! This boy flooded my Whatsapp with pictures and videos of the proposal, the ring and all the emotional pictures that were taken after she said yes. My first reaction was “ah ah one picture or the video of the proposal will do. Am I the maid of honor?”. But I went ahead and congratulated him and asked him if he was ready and he said yes.
Then about a month later, Paul was back with not only the awkward questions but he was asking to see me. I spoke to my friend and she told me “you two cannot be friends” and that was exactly what I told him.

This is not the only reason why I believe it is a bad idea to be friends with your ex. I have had other experiences that have made me believe that a friendship is hard after a breakup. Some people will say that it depends on how long you have dated the person, or how the relationship ended, or if there was a friendship prior to the relationship.

I will still say that it is very hard to maintain especially if it was a long relationship and it was very emotional. If you do want to become friends with an ex, I will advice making sure that your feelings are completely under control. Make sure that deep deep deep down (I say deep three times because we never like to admit this point) in your heart there is no and I mean no ounce of hope that the friendship will lead to a relationship again because this is where people usually feel the hurt from the relationship all over again.

I am not saying that exes cannot get back together. This life get as ei be. If you do get back together great but I am talking about situations where both parties know that ending the relationship is the best thing to do. What do you think about the topic? Do you think exes can maintain a friendship right after a breakup? Do you have a friend that was once a partner? Share your experiences with me. I love reading the comments.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Loud thinker is an extension of a young woman’s conversations with people around her and the thoughts that come with it. She loves to tease people’s minds and sometimes think outside the box. On her spare time she loves to dance, work out and Netflix.

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