BN Prose: When Demon Meets Duchess by Eniìtàn

dreamstime_s_37945321I roll my eyes at this whole frenzy about Yòrùbá demons. The way Lagosians like to just fixate on one thing ehn? Everyone will just jump on one wagon and over-flog the thing for a few weeks before they find something else to chase after. Who said Yòrùbá demons just started to manifest? You people don’t know anything. In my ripe old age of thirty, I have been dealing with them for over fifteen years. All them girls be crying “Yòrùbá demon broke my heart”, “Yòrùbá demon dumped me”, una never see heartbreak!

I met my first demon when I was fourteen and he was a very special one, demon and all. You know, your first one is always special. Káyòdé was a Unilag Boy and the first appeal was the fact that little me could catch the attention of a smooth, sophisticated guy like him. I mean, none of my friends even had boyfriends, not to talk of a Lag boyfriend with a car. I was the most popular girl in my school for all of two weeks until his equally sophisticated Lag girlfriend paid me a visit and literally scratched my eyes out. Then I became the most popular girl in the entire neighborhood. And of course Bros Káyòdé had eaten the cherry on the cake by then. Don’t judge me oh! It was love, at least I’m not blaming le démon like these girls are doing these days.

Fémi was closer to my age, plus I was a lot older then (and wiser, I think). We met in Path Finders Jamb lesson and we used to jump bus to lesson together from Àkokà (ain’t no way another guy was bamboozling me with his fancy car) so I was more secure in the relationship, knowing that there was no Madam high-and-mighty waiting to give new meaning to the expression “kick-yo-ass”. All was well in paradise until my cousin wanted to give me gist about this wonderful new guy she’d just met who was God’s special gift to women. Short story extra-short, I wasn’t even the Chief Madam oh, iró! I was the other other woman and cousin moi was number four. Kai, even those chingum boys were running things back then!

Ayò was my Bestie in 400 level. I was the Bonnie to his Clyde and we went everywhere together, read in Akíntúndé Òjó together, ate lunch together at SUB after lectures, did assignments together and even went to fellowship at Main Auditorium together. He used to tell me I had beautiful eyes (yímú) and that his mother would just love me, that I was so much like her (double yímú). Everyone thought we were dating, even me sef carry join think am, until he went to London for Christmas that year and came back married to some Akátá chick. Jídé was married with two kids and I was the múgù who helped him pick out gifts for his “sister” and “nieces”. When I found text messages on Kólá’s phone, he had the audacity to suggest a threesome with the somewhore else, imagine! Johnson was half British but his Yòrùbá half carried the demon gene. Lékan was….abeg, let’s leave all that story. If I continue ehn, we’ll be here all day. The point I want to make is that those demons ehn, they’ve been around tey-tey, so please everyone should let me hear word. Take it from someone who knows, all this noise girls are making about it won’t change a thing. They will still be here till kingdom come. And seeing as me I can like to fall in love anyhow, I had to find a way to weather the storm. The key here is not to try to change the demon, but to “hold him down”.

Enter Cynthia, a friend from way, way back who introduced me to Poknomi and the wonders of Love in a bottle. You can call it jazz or jùjú (Cynthia calls it her Jagermeister) or whatever else you want, na you sabi. I call it my Guarantee. If I’m going to invest so much in a deal, there has to be returns at the end of the day nah. Like my mother always says, follow your heart, but take your head along.

Remember Káyòdé (the first one oh, not that other one) who popped the cherry? Shèbí I said I loved him, and true to God, I still love him oh! Well, he was the one I chose specially for poknomi. Don’t ask me how I managed to keep track of him for almost twenty years. That would be giving out the secrets of the trade. He’s almost ten years older but he’s one of the big boys in Abuja now plus I still love him (never forget that).
We were happy for a couple of months (although I can’t say the same for his wife) until I ran into Kólá on a trip to Port Harcourt. He was with this very good looking friend of his (abeg please! Did you think I was going to say I was still in love with Mr. Threesome? Tuffia!) and that was when the penny dropped. Who said there was no love in sharing? There is actually more than enough love to go round and make the world a better place, so Mr. eye-candy-friend joined the clan. Then I remembered Bestie and that nonsense Akátá chick he left me for, so he’s always on standby whenever I’m in London. Then there is Ifeanyi who technically isn’t a Yòrùbá demon but is a demon all the same, so po-tay-to po-tah-to.

Did I hear you say I have become a demon too? Please oh, Kámári! At least, I’m not dumping people up and down and stomping on hearts left, right and center. I love each one of my men very much and we are all one big happy family. When someone starts to annoy or bore me, I just tell him (really nicely) to leave. When there’s a new addition to the family, everyone plays nice, even if they don’t like it. The only problem now is I don’t know which one to marry. I know it’s only just a matter of taking a name and showing him to my family but still, I’m so spoilt for choice…

Photo Credit Dreamstime

28 Comments on BN Prose: When Demon Meets Duchess by Eniìtàn
  • beebee March 8, 2016 at 10:46 am

    ok Demon.. I bind you in Jesus mighty name. fire and thunder strike all your works of darkness. holy ghosts fire on your head…
    Good for you!!!!

  • Psychic March 8, 2016 at 10:51 am

    I’m at the ripe old age of 30 too and i think I’m at ds stage..all d exes feel like coming back,some eye married men too won’t leave me alone and my smile is quite practiced…they think they are demons,they are all about to meet the demonic-duchess,all A-Z of them

  • xyno March 8, 2016 at 10:56 am

    I thoroughly enjoyed this. Nice one Eniitan. I’m an ex demon and now I’m married to a wonderful wife and a very beautiful daughter. I’ve covered my daughter with the blood of Jesus against future demons. #Noweapon

    • Omaa March 8, 2016 at 11:37 am

      Ohhhhhhh so you are now covering your daughter hehehe

    • Nuna March 8, 2016 at 12:13 pm


    • honey omo lekki March 8, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      lol. lmao. rotfl. lwtmb.

      Continuu to bind and cast…. olohun o ki n se oba ika (God no dey sleep for heaven)

    • Kokoro Dudu March 8, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      Xyno, too late. Karma is a bitch! Too bad, your daughters won’t tell you when they get demon possessed. Wish you the best of luck!

    • didi March 8, 2016 at 4:18 pm


  • justdeywakapass March 8, 2016 at 11:08 am

    HMMMMMMMM………………….I no fit shout!

  • Milli March 8, 2016 at 11:22 am

    Loooool. You have really experienced them firsthand. Nice writeup

  • HerExcellence March 8, 2016 at 11:29 am

    Lol…I see d shade there for Ifeanyi. Since he’s craving so much to b a demon this days. I love u big time williamifeanyi.

  • Tolu March 8, 2016 at 11:49 am

    Nice write-up Enitan!
    I think all ladies are saint. They don’t cheat, don’t lie, don’t deceive and always honest.
    Holy ladies, mothers of demons!!!!??

  • Yelo’sisi’ March 8, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    Is Tolu a guy? Your “holy ladies mother of demons got me in stitches ??
    @xyno you never cover, you go cover taya, pls, dont forget ‘what goes around’ and Enitan, thanks for making me laugh hard this morning. Your piece is lovely ???

  • OO March 8, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    WHAT did I just read abeg???

    • Jade March 8, 2016 at 6:49 pm

      Lol…I felt like it was all over the place.

      • kemmmie March 8, 2016 at 8:57 pm

        The second to the last paragraph was so difficult to understand….I had to read it twice and slowly….I felt the same way too!

  • Sika March 8, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    I love this. so funny and honest. I look forward to more articles from you Enitan

  • Tope March 8, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    Lol ahhhh it’s like you ghost wrote this for me . I love your honesty !!!! Keep writing girl!!!

  • aaewhy March 8, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    Lool lovely write up enitan @xyno cover koor cover in karma is a bitch

  • LADY March 9, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    Please I’m confused. What is “Poknomi”….??

  • deedee March 9, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    Enitan , i love this write-up, so hilarious, may God save us from all demons!!!!!!

  • Tosin March 10, 2016 at 7:32 pm


  • Damsy March 12, 2016 at 12:14 am

    hehehe, loved reading every part of this piece… big family abi? lovely piecr

  • the dambam March 12, 2016 at 1:27 pm

    “I love each one of my men very much and we are all one big happy family” this is too hilarious abeg, I laughed really hard. nice one

  • patsychy March 31, 2016 at 11:31 am

    I think all we ladies have some demons stashed inside all of us….reason is cos we have dated past a dozen of male demons but like Isio usually says…..I haven’t dated more than two guys in my entire life….lol.

  • MY LIFY May 16, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    Nyce write-up on the truth abt men. But i mst say i got lost 2wards the end.

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