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It’s Not a Man’s World

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mans worldThe other day I found myself watching the reality singing competition American Idol and the first performance of the day was by Michael Lynche who did a rehash of the James Brown song “It’s a Man’s Man’s World”. While I thought the performance was very good, I have to admit that I no longer share the belief that it is a “man’s world.”

I think this realization first came to me when I completed my youth service; however, the seeds of this notion had been planted way back in primary school as early as primary one!  Truth is society heavily aided by the media and the male ego has planted this lie into our subconscious; but perhaps a silent force behind this propaganda is the woman herself!

 Allow me to illustrate very quickly.

In primary one, a few boys in my class refused to let the girls play in a particular section of the playground. The girls did not like this so off they went to the class teacher and spun a tale of how the boys threatened to and actually tried to beat them. Without hearing our side of the story, the (male) teacher proceeded to trash all the boys identified by the girls (O yes! I was caned as an innocent bystander as well). Talk about swift justice. Fast forward to primary five where I was the best pupil in my class. Then came this girl in primary six – my competition. She was better than me in Maths but weaker in English, so she would enlist my help (using her girlish charms) with her English assignments and class work; but I on the other hand was too proud to ask her for help with my Maths! The few times I did she would ignore me totally! Guess who became the best ‘boy’ in class?

Over the years, the male child has always been encouraged to excel at school, sports etc but the female child has had it a lot easier without some of the attendant pressure associated with their male counterparts. For some reason women are regarded as the weaker sex – not as smart or as strong as the man, so the man tends to treat her as such grossly underestimating her in the process. So it was always a pleasant surprise whenever a girl actually did well at school and sports. In Nigeria, the girl-child is believed to be at the short end of the stick when it comes to opportunities to go to school and complete their education. So the feminists and women groups cry foul and NGOs are set up and huge sums doled out to ensure that Chiamaka gets to go to secondary school and is allowed to pursue her dream of becoming a doctor. Very nice. But what about Emeka, who finds himself in the same situation? Who fights his cause? No one. After all, he is a man and can ‘take care’ of himself, abi?

When I completed my NYSC, the job hunt was on and I was on fire! Three months down the line, no job offer. The boys and I would meet at the end of a fruitless week to discuss our challenges, exchange ideas and revise our strategy – in short to lick our wounds. Then one of them pointed out that nearly all the girls he knew had all gotten jobs! I did a quick scan and discovered that all my female friends except one or two had gotten jobs. Even the girl I was dating during service year had gone on training with Virgin Nigeria! Another friend swore that he was discriminated against when a bank overlooked him in preference for two ladies despite his being better qualified. I asked him if they were fine and “yellow”, he nodded; case closed.

I mean the female prefere its everywhere. In traffic, God help you if you try to cut in a woman driver! And may God forgive you if you do not let her cut in when she wants to! A man drives badly he gets cursed out; a woman does the same and everyone lets her off saying, “Leave am o, na woman dey drive.” I am standing in a queue and a woman comes along and smiles at the attendant or cashier, next thing I know she has been attended to. I complain and someone behind me says “Ah! Leave am, na woman now!” I am trying to exit a close and some woman comes and blocks me despite the fact that I am almost out of the close. She stubbornly refuses to reverse to allow me pass by. I decide to be stubborn too and there is a standoff. Next thing I know every passerby concludes that I am an ogre because I did not give in to the ‘weaker sex’.

Permit me to be a bit crude, but I must speak! Even when it comes to the intimate actions of the bedroom women seem to hold the treasured right of passage. Men would never admit this but intimacy with any woman has the power to control them. When a woman tells a man, “I have a headache”, the world has seemingly come to an end. On the other hand, when there is a slight chance that he might get some, the man is ready to move mountains to ensure that he taps that. Men have borrowed their friends’ cars, stolen money, lied, fought their mothers and even killed because of women. I mean, forget all the political reasons but Helen of Troy was so HOT that a ten year war was fought because of her HOTness!

I once heard the story of a man who had two children in the university, a boy and a girl. They were both broke and they called their father separately to ask for some money. The man got angry saying that he had just sent them money and that he had no more for them. At the end of his tirade the girl quietly said, “No problem dad, I’ll get the money somehow. Bye.” The father asked her what she meant by that. She replied saying, “Don’t worry dad. You said you don’t have the money, I’ll get it from somewhere else.” Not wanting to know where that ‘somewhere else’ was the father credited her account the following day! What did the boy do? Go figure.

After years of believing that I am the man in any relationship, I finally got married to the love of my life and now my wife gives me permission to hang out with the boys. I have to treat her like an egg and put her first most times because if I do not my mother will get to hear; worse still, her mother and sister will get to know and then my goose is cooked!

The big irony in this is that womenfolk have over time succeeded in deceiving men that we are the ones in charge! They claim “weaker sex” when it suits them and scream “gender equality” when it is convenient. We poor men have been tricked for decades into believing we are in charge when really we might as well be puppets in this woman dominated world. Real power is not the one on obvious display, it belongs to those pair of hands pulling the strings in the background. Just ask Turai….sorry, I meant Lady Macbeth!

24 Comments

  1. sweetie

    March 30, 2010 at 10:04 am

    lmao!!!! loved every single line TJ, ha yep, some men might still deceive themselves that it is a man´s world but we women (and men ) know better.. 🙂

  2. Tess

    March 30, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    True word TJ, we(girls, ladies, women) rule the world.
    Did u write that article on Lady Turai…Lady Macbeth?
    I loved that article so much
    Keep it up TJ

  3. az in...

    March 30, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    LOL! true talk, true talk!

  4. Loves Post

    March 30, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Couldn’t stop laughing… loved it!
    Women! what a blessing 😀

  5. Boyo

    March 30, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Did you listen to the James Brown song “It’s a Man’s Man’s World” completely? I think not, or else you would not have referred to it. Here is it for your edification:

    “This is a man’s world
    But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl”

    Hope this helps.

  6. Obi-talk

    March 30, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    by far one of the most interesting articles i’v read here, though I dont agree with all the points but it was a nice funny read!

  7. LadyOne

    March 30, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Funny! I keep telling my friends that we women have power o! Some of us just have to learn to maximize it properly! Nicely written 🙂

  8. Nneka

    March 30, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Such a good read and ofcourse I agree with your general point.

    I’ll point out one thing though: most successful men happily welcome the string-pulling tactics of the noteable women in their lives (note I said ‘women’ not woman). Not because these women necessarily run the whole show, but because their perpectives and ample support have helped conceive, nuture and birth the man’s visions and dream.

    Take the famous Proverbs 31 for example. THOSE WORDS WERE A MOTHER’S TEACHINGS TO HER SON!! (read from vs 1 before you jump to vs 10 as is often done) But ofcourse how many men can claim to have read and digested those verses? Instead they are quick to tell Funmi, Aisha and Nkem, their ‘weaker counterparts’, to read it so that they can become a virtuous women/gfs/wives. Proverbs 31 was primarily written for MEN so they can carefully pick/identify their women. Infact vs 3 actually says,”Give not thy strength unto WOMEN, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings”. Duh! By allowing the woman know proverbs 31 while you jones away, you have given her an advantage over you. Well guess what brothers? We read it and have turned out wiser.lol

    The “Helen of Troy” example is a classic btw :).

    Hope to read more from you.

  9. Myne Whitman

    March 30, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    It is still a man’s world and most of the items you listed are very superficial. Please be real. What about choices, what about certain key and top positions at work? What about equal salaries? Work-life balance nko? Do men pull their weight in the house? You mention boys night out. How many times does your wife go oit with the girls, wait for it, while you stay home and look after the children?

    BTW, I love your style of writing.

  10. silva

    March 31, 2010 at 1:06 am

    so someone finally realised?
    even though i love your piece, i got to say, there’s still a lot men get away with that women don’t…
    btw i love the way you write…

  11. Iwalewa

    March 31, 2010 at 2:55 am

    Myne Whitman has said it all!! It is still sadly a man’s world.

  12. fokasibe

    March 31, 2010 at 7:07 am

    Hear! Hear!! True talk o! Boy where have you been? Keep em coming!!!
    Yes, I agree with you that sometimes – ok, mostimes life’s a tad too hard on men – in normal circumstances. I do know some cases where the man acts indifferent and the woman has a hell of a time! Anyway I enjoyed reading this and would love to read more from you! Ta!

  13. Joy

    March 31, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    yes! we rule. lol very interesting read

  14. warrahell

    March 31, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    i think you’re missing the point though.
    Let me give you this example. If Mr and Mrs Obi had to pick who between Emeka and his sister Chioma goes to school, who will get this opportunity?

  15. Bola

    April 1, 2010 at 2:23 am

    Nice! lovely refreshing read. nice to know what the opposite sex think now and then.

  16. Support local design

    May 3, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Oh dear! lol…. soon white people are going to be whining about how black people get all the breaks because they dont burn in the sun.
    As Myne Whitman said, your examples are somewhat superficial e.g I’ ll let you cut ahead of me in traffic if you tell your boys to let me be the leader of the free world or the CEO of a major corporation….and if you can work it out that I get equal pay for equal work and dont have to have my competence called in to question everyday because “I be woman” then I’ll make sure I never have a headache again….except for when I really have a headache…….or just cant be bothered 😉

  17. comment

    May 5, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Dude, you are soooo correct! I mean, it starts off with your mother commanding,
    then you get the “little sister” who chips in her own commands, then the girl friend
    comes along, the missus/wife and finally the little “angel” you though would be
    innocent forever.

  18. Joy

    May 8, 2010 at 2:26 am

    hear hear!

    LOVED THIS!

    man these pieces are great!!!

  19. Dianah

    May 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    LWKMD!
    Really love this, i am a woman and i keep telling people i dont believe in all that women’s lib crap, cos we already got the power, we GOVERN THOSE WHO GOVERN!

  20. aniuvi

    May 22, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Lmao!!! thats a good one.A very good one i must say!

  21. datshowitis

    May 25, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    OMG!!!!!! i am choking on my laughter… just to “appease” you buddy, there is no change intended…. funny it took you so long to figure out…u equally forgot to mention how your wife tells you what you should and should not wear to certain places, as if u were naked b4 u met her…..ndo o…

  22. maryjane

    August 24, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    OMG! YOU POSSIBLY COULDNT HAVE BEEN MORE TRUTHFUL, FOR ACCEPTING THIS U ARE A STRONG MAN AND AN INTELLIGENT ONE AT THAT.

  23. jensmile

    November 30, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    Do you seriously get paid to write this? before you shoot off the handle about it “not being a mans world” perhaps you should step outside of your highly skewed personal experiences and examine a few facts… or perhaps one even.
    I mean seriously at what point are you restricted by the sheer fact that you have male genitalia? is it every night when you step outside your door and wonder if you will be attacked because you happen to possess a penis? or perhaps when you are sitting at a board meeting of company heads and you are the only male? Maybe you are held back when you turn on the television to watch a movie and every film available is about a woman’s life… and where the only men you see anywhere in the media are under the age of thirty and perfectly fit while somehow married to their grossly over weight wives who do nothing but rag on them as they are showed by admiration and love for their laziness.
    Actual facts:
    -women get paid 70 cents to the male dollar on average, 63 cents in you have a university bachelors, 41 with a doctorate. (in Canada, which is high compared to the US) – 2009 census
    -In the US head nurses of the ER department of private hospitals get paid less annually then non- specialized truck drivers who required no diploma for hire.
    -female oriented stories comprise 7% of blockbuster movies, including Disney which presents girls with one ambition to their lives (ie. finding the one).
    – no female president, 1 female priminster, 17% of congress, beaten out easily by Chine and Afghanistan who have 29%, and 36%.
    – women do 80% of the housework, 73% of the child rearing and account for 42% of family finances (and only because they are paid less)- Kan (2008) published by Oxford university
    and to Dianah open your eyes girl. You can love men and still respect your self and your gender.

  24. Jerry

    November 27, 2013 at 5:03 am

    ROFLMAO!! the article sure was a fun read…

    First off, I doubt the writer even listened to the lyrics of the song … if he did i doubt he would have used it as reference to bring forth a point. The lyrics goes
    “This is a man’s world…
    But it wouldn’t be nothing,
    nothing without a woman or a girl”

    Secondly, this person no doubt has a lot of issues, wherein he sits and laments about his issues with girls since Primary one (or kindergarten), I mean most kids tend to be brats be it boys or girls (if what he says is true he just got unlucky, you are an adult now get over it!! ) I mean at year 5, a girl used her charms to get help in class, well too bad he continued to help her when she would not return the favor! I mean seriously is that something to even lament about as an adult ?!

    And why is it that girls or women considered the weaker sex i wonder ?! Is it their fault that this is the ingrained belief that a patriarchal society/culture has thought both men and women over the years and treated them as such?!

    Again it is funny how he laments about girls getting the jobs over him and his male peers. Ever hear of the glass ceiling and opposite sex not getting equal pay?! Also, is it the womens fault for the Males in the HR choosing women over men, cause they see women as eye candy and the possibility of having some kind of relationship with them at the work place ?!

    The author even goes on to whine “Men have borrowed their friends’ cars, stolen money, lied, fought their mothers and even killed because of women.”… that’s a laugh… Who is at fault here is not the men who have stolen and killed over women?! Seriously if women are such a pain in the ass why do you bother going through all that trouble?! And what does it say about your character as a person if you are willing to steal and murder for ANY PERSON man or women?!

    I think i almost died laughing at this statement of his “When a woman tells a man, “I have a headache”, the world has seemingly come to an end. On the other hand, when there is a slight chance that he might get some, the man is ready to move mountains to ensure that he taps that.” hahaha i mean really!! The guy is clearly a born loser.

    What a ridiculous article!!!

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