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The Unspoken Competition

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Human beings are naturally competitive. We all want to win; we want to be the best. It takes a real sport to shake off losing to someone else. I, for one, hate every form of competition because I hate to lose and I hate to fail.

With all that said, not only have I been told over and over again, I have also learnt that, unfortunately, in life, one cannot avoid failing and losing every once in a while. So, obviously, like everyone else, I have had periods when I lost and failed – periods that I pray would never re–occur (if only that could be).

Still on the subject of losing, many times, I thank God that I am not a man. I can only imagine what men go through to approach women they find attractive only to discover, sometimes with much pain and humiliation, that his feelings will never be returned. I guess “man” can be defined here as “an interesting creature that continually puts his heart on the line, bearing in mind that there’s a good chance that it’ll be smashed!”

I had a particular “toaster” over a year ago who was true to this definition. Although I was physically attracted to him, things just didn’t work out between us and I felt this was for the best.  I figured that I needed more than physical attraction in a relationship, so I let him go and wished him well. I think, somewhere in me I didn’t see the need to hold onto him for the sake of it because he deserved to find a woman who would love and care for him in a reciprocal fashion.

One year later, I heard that he was getting married. The minute I heard of this, my heart skipped a beat and I fell into a mild depression. Why so? After worrying about his proposed BIG day for a couple of minutes, I repeatedly asked myself – why? Why was I so bothered about this? Why did it matter and why did I suddenly hate him and his bride-to-be whom I didn’t even know? After all, I had practically left the door wide open for her to walk straight into his life. So why on earth did I feel depressed? What was wrong with me?

I began to think long and hard about this. Ordinarily, even though I would love to be married someday, I am not the type to be unnecessarily preoccupied with getting hitched. In fact, I find that many are concerned that I don’t dwell on the issue as much as I ought to. In the past, I have celebrated weddings and marriages whole-heartedly with friends and family, so I knew it wasn’t jealously that was behind my unexplained mild depression.

It was simply because this “ex-toaster” of mine got to the finish line (altar) first. Although I had convinced myself that I wanted him to find his own – one who would love him uncontrollably and unconditionally – I just didn’t expect that he would find her before I found mine. I suddenly discovered that it had been important to me to prove that I am more desirable than he (even though desirability has little to do with finding the ONE) but I just didn’t realize it. I really wanted to win this unspoken competition and yet I didn’t. I had failed – my gripe wasn’t that I had lost him, it was that I had lost to him.

It was almost like this realization brought with it a sudden calmness and my brain and heart began functioning as they once had.  I reminded myself of how much I didn’t want this groom-to-be even when he was all up in my face and of all the reasons that led me to that choice. I reassured myself that I could do much better, and that he also was better off with his, hopefully, God–given wife.

Today, I find those emotions I went through humorous. It really is typical of the human nature isn’t it? Suddenly finding this man attractive only because he was taken! When I spoke to my friends about it, they told me that they too had gone through the same feelings; even my male friends admitted this to me. It’s almost like we can’t believe what we rejected can be found acceptable, even to the point of marriage, by someone else, especially when we ourselves are still sitting on the shelf gathering dust!

For me, there was a vital lesson to be learnt. Before I discard the next guy, I must think carefully about that decision. I must weigh the pros and cons carefully. There is no need to start crying over spilt milk when I see the man of my dreams walking down the aisle with another woman when I practically drove him to her myself. God forbid! That way, if I do decide not to be with someone and I hear later on that he is getting married, before me, I can with all sincerity wish him and his bride to be the very best that marriage can offer.

My advice to every single lady out there is simple. Although, it is undisputed that there is an unspoken competition between ex-es when it comes to relationships, we don’t need to waste precious time analyzing to find that this kind of competition really is unreasonable and a complete waste of time. Even though some move faster than others, ultimately everybody moves on. I have come to accept this and I implore you to do the same if you haven’t already.

So what if he gets there first?

Photo Credit: www.fotosearch.com

73 Comments

  1. Queen Erics

    January 17, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    I must say i felt the same way some yrs back when an ex got married. I just couldnt convince myself i did the right thing letting him go; not till i met my husband. I’m five yrs down with him now and can truely answer you, e no matter!

  2. Gloria Anthony

    January 17, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    Beautiful write up….i love this pharse “Although, it is undisputed that there is an unspoken competition between ex-es when it comes to relationships. However, we don’t need to waste precious time analyzing to find that this kind of competition really is unreasonable and a complete waste of time”. i know i have learnt a lot of it.

  3. Aibee

    January 17, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    True talk. I feel the same way too as at least 3 of my toasters are getting married this year. Me? Not even in a relationship, smh,lol. I know it was right to let them go because they weren’t for me. Still doesnt stop me from being slightly jealous sha.

  4. olu

    January 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    As usual, mind blowing! thanks, Ejire.

  5. sandra

    January 17, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    yes it is not abnormal but at times it is good to let go my case was the fact that he told me he was no longer intersted while he was out of the country and the girl he hoped for dumped him and then he came back but by the time he was back i was already engaged to my husband though i would have prefered him cos he was richer dan my husband den (not now cos my husband has more dan 4times passed now) but i still got stocked to my husband 6month after i said no to the reunion he called me dat he was getting married i felt bad though but i now thank God i neva did cos the wealth dat was getting me attracted to him God starting giving it to my husband and my husband adore me cos to him i loved him when there was nothing so i advise the umaried to prayerfuly take thier time for the right person to come it is no how far but how well…

    • THE AMAKA

      January 17, 2011 at 2:29 pm

      GOLD DIGGING!!!! ah ah!
      so if your ex didn’t have more money than your husband (at the time) then you wouldn’t have been bothered? what about dating someone for whats inside?
      GOLD DIGGING!

    • The real miss pinky..

      January 17, 2011 at 2:44 pm

      LMAO… Sister’s being honest…

    • Ready

      January 17, 2011 at 11:34 pm

      Lol @ the real miss pinky…you know she ain’t being honest. Talking ’bout “i would have prefered him cos he was richer dan my husband den (not now cos my husband has more dan 4times passed now) but i still got stocked to my husband”
      And then she advises us at the end to prayerfully take our time for the right person.
      Olojukokoro, biko, find chair and siddon.

    • D.O.T.M.H

      January 17, 2011 at 3:45 pm

      Please learn to use punctuation marks next time

    • shade

      January 17, 2011 at 11:33 pm

      Word!!

    • Miss ATL

      January 17, 2011 at 4:44 pm

      Wow!

    • chi-chi

      May 12, 2011 at 11:03 am

      so u got married cos of money? n u are not ashamed to say it publicly, may God deliver us all ijn

  6. susan dikeh

    January 17, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    we shd all think and weigh d chances b4 letting someone off d hook and wen we do there is absolutely no reason to feel anyhw bcos one man’s meat is anoda’s poison.

  7. pere

    January 17, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    sandra
    yes it is not abnormal but at times it is good to let go my case was the fact that he told me he was no longer intersted while he was out of the country and the girl he hoped for dumped him and then he came back but by the time he was back i was already engaged to my husband though i would have prefered him cos he was richer dan my husband den (not now cos my husband has more dan 4times passed now) but i still got stocked to my husband 6month after i said no to the reunion he called me dat he was getting married i felt bad though but i now thank God i neva did cos the wealth dat was getting me attracted to him God starting giving it to my husband and my husband adore me cos to him i loved him when there was nothing so i advise the umaried to prayerfuly take thier time for the right person to come it is no how far but how well…

    You still need deliverance sha!!!

  8. cheaster

    January 17, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    girl friend i honestly relate to your article, most especially to this part.One year later, I heard that he was getting married. The minute I heard of this, my heart skipped a beat and I fell into a mild depression. Why so? good question, he has evolved into a better man, not like he wasnt good enough for you, but you didnt see the best to come in him, stop blaming your self and stop your mind from been into the unspoken competition thing, its over!!!!, the good, the bad and the ugly. its only going to harm you, and trust me he is living his life to the fullest. the best lesson doesnt just come from experiences learnt but from the fact that you know that there is no rush to life.

  9. Me

    January 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Beautiful piece, thought me a thing or two even at 38!

  10. Me

    January 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Beautiful piece, thought me a thing or two even at my age!

  11. The real miss pinky..

    January 17, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    My ex got married a year after we broke up but I couldn’t care less because I really did not see myself ever getting married to him plus I was not ready to get married then. He was an ex for a reason…
    There is more to life than this stupid race to the alter that has engulfed this generation…

    • shade

      January 17, 2011 at 11:35 pm

      And that is all. Thank you.

    • Ymc

      January 19, 2011 at 4:18 pm

      Word….it is indeed a senseless race especially with more and more toddlers getting into marriages. They got no business there…well at least not until when they are mentally and spiritually matured.

  12. Bachelorette

    January 17, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    True….

  13. olamidet

    January 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    GOD is so AWESOME,this exact scenario happen to me last week,have been depressed since,this lift my spirits.why choose to spend your life with a man who cheats on you

  14. ochella

    January 17, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    nice…..can relate.

  15. sleekish

    January 17, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    this post doesnt make sense abeg

  16. THE AMAKA

    January 17, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    while everyone seems so much in a hurry to get to the alter, I’m scared of getting married.
    am i alone here? lol

    • shade

      January 17, 2011 at 11:35 pm

      No you are not.

    • Jenifa

      January 18, 2011 at 2:29 am

      Fear factor….getting married scres me more than anything else . I pulled a disappearing act the day I suspected my boyfriend was going to propose to me. I m not a spring chic either I am just scared of being married and then being single again for whatevere reason…death, divorece etc, just scared, glad to see I m not alone

    • urhobo waado

      January 18, 2011 at 5:58 am

      In micheal jackson’s voice “u r not alone, i am here with u” ..lol.. seems like pple don’t understand the level of commitment and responsibility that comes along with it .. having to deal with/tolerate one person for the rest of ur life, and then providing for kids .. e.t.c.,,, everything changes .. sometimes i feel like it’s a commitment prison .. i dunno if it’s becos many pple go into it for the wrong reason, wrong time or with high expectation .. but marriage stories around are not even encouraging .. I love my single life and imma rock it to the fullest .. the word marriage scares the living crap outta me .. i love weddings though..lol.. but as for marriage??? .. uuhhmmm ..i dunno ..lol

    • THE AMAKA

      January 18, 2011 at 1:16 pm

      @Jenifa and Urhobo Waado
      I understand completely. its things that like that which scare the crap out of me!
      having to tolerate someone FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…& what if you get divorced and everything you worked so hard to build up, is gone?
      the thought of that freaks me the hell out.
      🙁

    • Ms M

      January 18, 2011 at 4:52 pm

      Nope

  17. Brittle Paper

    January 17, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    You can’t force someone to be right for you. If you left him, chances are that he was not meant for you. So move on without regrets. Honesty is the best policy and you owe yourself that much, to be honest with yourself. If someone is not working, and you know the relationship will not work, drop it. Because things ain’t going to chance magically.

  18. Uzo

    January 17, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    I can relate. I rejected my husband first time round when he toasted me because of bad advice from a friend. When I found out he was dating someone else I almost died of jealousy and guilt but I put it behind me and moved on.

    Four years late late we reunited and we have been married for 7 years now.

    • lizzy

      January 18, 2011 at 11:05 am

      lucky you, they don’t always stick around.

  19. emepretty

    January 17, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    if my prob was letting go, it wld be diff.As for me, i am inlove with someoneelse’s fiancee.I cant help the fact that both of us are madly inlove.I never believed inlove until i met him and trust me i tried so hard not to reciprocate his feelings.When we got closer i found out his fiancee actually pushed him out coz she was more concerned about his money, and always put him down in public.Now im glad when i see him smile, and tell me his dreams….I dont feel guilty that she lives opp me.Its still a secret for now…coz i told him to break her heart by telling her..im inlove

    • DUDU

      January 18, 2011 at 6:41 am

      Poor you!!!! I can’t believe you’re letting this guy use you this way. Wonder why some women would settle for being 2nd fiddle. SMH!!!

      Karma is a bitch BTW

    • Ymc

      January 19, 2011 at 4:23 pm

      hahaha……..lol!

      Chic, you got your head in the clouds!!!! Wake up and smell the coffee!!!

    • Ms M

      January 18, 2011 at 4:50 pm

      News flash girl! There’s only one person in love…hint: it’s not him. As long as he’s with his FIANCE he’s “not all that into you”… You’s just a booty call…Sad.

    • LBoogie

      January 18, 2011 at 6:37 pm

      ummm he’s not in love with you!…pathetic.

  20. emepretty

    January 17, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    if my prob was letting go, it wld be diff.As for me, i am inlove with someone’s fiancee.I cant help the fact that both of us are madly inlove.I never believed inlove until i met him and trust me i tried so hard not to reciprocate his feelings.When we got closer i found out his fiancee actually pushed him out coz she was more concerned about his money, and always put him down in public.Now im glad when i see him smile, and tell me his dreams….I dont feel guilty that she lives opp me.Its still a secret for now…coz i told him to break her heart by telling her..im inlove

    • saskgirl

      January 18, 2011 at 5:51 am

      @ emepretty

      Its only a secret because he isn’t going to leave her. No guy stays engaged to someone if that person puts him down, seriously! Especially if you both “love” each other. He is only shagging you and sadly you will hear that they are married… Better leave that ship sis!!!

    • Ada Obi

      January 18, 2011 at 7:43 am

      what will you do if he decides to go ahead & marry his fiancee? There must be a reason he’s still ‘engaged’ to her even though he;s with you.

  21. missy

    January 18, 2011 at 3:35 am

    hmmn @ d comment above..anyways my ex cheated on me with this same gal through out 1yr or so relationship only for me to find out that the babe is pregnant for him and she doesnt want to abort it so her family wants him to get married to her…i heard that they live together now…anyways anytime i remember it i thank God i had the strength to break up with him on time and i won’t say that i dnt hurt nd all i do but i feel much better than when i first broke up with him…it feels good to be single and all but atimes it could be lonely…

  22. brendz

    January 18, 2011 at 4:05 am

    @ emepreety…girl wake up!!!!!!

    My ex dumped me….I thot I wz gonna die over that roly poly short boy….a year later I got married to my husband (u can’t help bt do the victory dance) I got there first! Gratification wz was I got when I saw his reaction to my wedding news. I am sooooooo glad he dumped me cos until I met someone who loved me warts and all,I wz with that guy for all the wrong reasons

  23. uju

    January 18, 2011 at 4:50 am

    emepretty
    if my prob was letting go, it wld be diff.As for me, i am inlove with someone’s fiancee.I cant help the fact that both of us are madly inlove.I never believed inlove until i met him and trust me i tried so hard not to reciprocate his feelings.When we got closer i found out his fiancee actually pushed him out coz she was more concerned about his money, and always put him down in public.Now im glad when i see him smile, and tell me his dreams….I dont feel guilty that she lives opp me.Its still a secret for now…coz i told him to break her heart by telling her..im inlove

    OMGosh!!! Who r u??? u r just a pathetic examplary case of women being obstacles to themselves ..”coz i told him to break her heart by telling her .. im in love” ..really??? how r u even sure d guy is not lying? secondly, if he has a problem with her, pls let him/them deal with it in a matured way .. OMGosh some ladies/women will never cease to amaze me .. i am trying really hard not to be judgemental .. really really hard .. watever u do, just remember that wat goes around comes around .. peace!

    • lizzy

      January 18, 2011 at 11:09 am

      Am a believer of what goes around coming around. Let her be. How can she know that stuff’s not right between them? some people are just killjoys. Am sure if the same guy was single, she’ll not see whatever good she’s seeing right now.

    • bcgeorge

      January 18, 2011 at 11:46 am

      i hate to generalize too but i think women are very gullible.
      Back to the article,it happens all the time but sincerely even if the break up was for all the right reasons in the world, one still feel a cringe whenever you run into an ex and you discovered he or she is with someone else. I think it only proves the fact that we once cared for the person and that’s so human.

    • THE AMAKA

      January 18, 2011 at 1:19 pm

      don’t mind her! she might lose her man the same way she got him!
      hisssss
      #nonsense.

    • prettygal

      January 18, 2011 at 1:58 pm

      well, i made a serious error earlier”I meant i told him not to dump her for now”Well,the fact is i tried so hard not to have feelings for him.I just couldnt.He is so lovely and when i used to see them at first , all i did was admire their relationship coz he was madly inlove with her while she treated him like shit before everyone.So, when we talked, i realized thsi is a lovely guy who has been used by women coz of his generosity.He actually has invested alot of money into the relationship”theirs”. So, its not that easy to tell her off in one day.But he does care for me deeply and its not about the sex coz its been ………omg..he just called to say he loves me..sorry guys got to go now

    • DIVA

      January 18, 2011 at 3:33 pm

      you are just fooloing urself…its like a married man getting osho free and telling you his wife is wicked and will divorce her but cant tell her yet cos he’s afraid she’d beat him and run away with his kids…well i can assure you what you are doing now will repeat itself in ur life only this time you’ll be the fiance…and a promise that he wont leave his fiance for fear that wen he marries you…u will happily sleep around…ask any guy..sorry babe..no beef just being real with you..

  24. Cynthia

    January 18, 2011 at 5:42 am

    You are not alone at all. I am not even considering it. Too much coconut not enough syrup when it comes to marraige…lol

  25. socris

    January 18, 2011 at 10:56 am

    no, your not alone, tot i was the only one……

    shade
    No you are not.

  26. ejogene

    January 18, 2011 at 10:57 am

    I just stumbled into my ex “family picture” on facebook. I can’t believe he already have 2 children in 3 years. They obviously looked happy. We ended our relationship 3 years ago when I discovered he was getting married, by eavesdropping into his conversation with his friend.
    I didn’t feel bad cos we didn’t get married because he was such a MEAN guy. I only felt bad about the way he carried on lying, pretending with all the false plan to see my parents etc. As a woman, I had this feeling that all was not well and I believed my instinct, which made me eavesdrop into his conversations especially with his elder brother and some of his close friends, until I got the gist.
    I have matured in so my ways after that relationship, I know what I want now, what I deserve and not ready to accept less, probably why am still single. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder why I feel bad each time I remember that relationship. I know very well that I would not be happy if I had married him, he hates and disrespects women, one thing I can’t stand in a man, and this is not about me. I noticed the way he talks about his exs, his female colleagues, even his former female classmates.
    Maybe it because am still single, or didn’t expect him to be looking so happy, or didn’t expect him to have moved up so much, or it is the unspoken competition?

  27. Domina

    January 18, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    lovely post and yes, one has to think properly and pray before ending a relationship. In my case, i’m in a happy relationship with a guy i love and who loves me as well. our relationship is blissful and has been on for almost 4 years now. the only problem is he’s yoruba and i’m Ibo and my parents dont want to accept him as d man i want to marry. and now i’m under intense pressure from family members to end the relationship. Friends have also given their bit of advice.some say i should follow my heart, others say i should obey my parents cos the family’s approval is very important.
    We’ve gotten his family’s approval but my family is the only problem.
    Its all so confusing cos even though i’m still young and all and can still get some other guy that my parents will approve of, i dont want to let dis guy go. some ppl say i can always get a better guy who’s from a tribe thats approved by my parents and all dat crap.
    But i rily do not want my story to be like that of girl in this post. My family’s opposition is strong and i would want my parent’s support and all but i dont want to let this guy go and years down the line, i see him get married to another girl and get depressed. cos believe me i know i’ll be depressed if he marries someone else. cos he’s wonderful like that.

    • THE AMAKA

      January 18, 2011 at 1:23 pm

      I’m sorry….
      my BIGGEST pet peeves is when someone calls themselves “Ibo” its IGBO!
      its incorrect, please fix it.
      thank you.

  28. prettygal

    January 18, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    well, i made a serious error earlier”I meant i told him not to dump her for now”Well,the fact is i tried so hard not to have feelings for him.I just couldnt.He is so lovely and when i used to see them at first , all i did was admire their relationship coz he was madly inlove with her while she treated him like shit before everyone.So, when we talked, i realized thsi is a lovely guy who has been used by women coz of his generosity.He actually has invested alot of money into the relationship”theirs”. So, its not that easy to tell her off in one day.But he does care for me deeply and its not about the sex coz its been ………omg..he just called to say he loves me..sorry guys got to go now

  29. Gorgeous

    January 18, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Well someone i was seeing is getting married this year. But my reaction was what? Someone could be ok with that? Oh wow, every happy relationship you see may not be that happy, or maybe not everyone values sexual satisfaction in a relationship. I had to end it because his kini wasn’t to my expectation’s, and i dont see myself marrying a man i would definitely cheat on! I guess his fiancee doesnt mind, Goodluck to them. But sex is very important to me especially in a relationship that i hope will last at least 40years.lol.

  30. prettygal

    January 18, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    I know we are veering off topic here but the notion that if a guy has a fiancee, he is incapable of loving anor is hilarious…Who are we to control teh mind or heart when love is involved?What happened to maybe she isnt his true soulmate?Whomever ur dating now or married to now once had someone they loved and cherished.Yes, karma is a bitch but ive been heartbroken too.I mean, does it means coz he started dating me, he should kick teh girl out that very day?That means he’s heartless and i wont go for such a man.As long as he respects me and is not ready to have sex with me now until its fully over with them.he makes me smile, he gives me joy…Im the first one he runs to when he’s sad.pple wld say, he wld do teh same to me, well life’s a bicth depending on how u treat her.Just yest, i called it quits when he was on his way to ibadan, and this guy turned around and drove back straight to Lagos and walked into my office (straight to my boss’s office)nd knelt down saying”Pls beg her to give me some more time”My boss was as shocked as he was moved.He obviously cant do without me now, and im not ready to hurt him and myself by letting go.

    • Gorgeous

      January 18, 2011 at 5:44 pm

      seems you are not sure of this yourself, because you are trying very hard to convince us of why you are there as second best. You obviously dont have respect for yourself and place much value on yourself. Maybe at a point in time his fiancee was you. Have you ever thought why she treats him badly? Maybe he is an unrepentant cheat. There are always 3 sides to a story. About the act he put up at your job, MARRIED MEN, do worse. They even create an alternate life where you and them can live this unending fairytale. Stop making yourself a bargaining chip for him to leave his girl. Leave the situation and let them sort themselves out. Because your mind will never be at peace once you both get together, you will always wonder what if. You are seeing a side of him that will never give you peace in the future. He can also go out and profess his love to someone else. Goodluck and keep convincing yourself.

    • prettygal

      January 18, 2011 at 6:19 pm

      thank you..As hard as it is..i’ll stay off for now….I guess there is a missing link somewhere.If its meant to be, maybe if they ever breakup and teh feelings are real.

  31. El Bee

    January 18, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    I kinda had the same experience. I was good friends with this great guy, awesome personality. He finally told me he really wanted to be with me blah blah but I just couldn’t, as shallow as it sounds, I didn’t find him attractive AT ALL. Unfortunately, the friendship ended. A year later, heard he’s engaged and getting married soon to a pretty girl… Surprisingly to most of my friends, it really doesn’t bother me one bit. I can never picture myself married to him so he can be happy with whoever he wants.

  32. Gorgeous

    January 18, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    prettygal
    thank you..As hard as it is..i’ll stay off for now….I guess there is a missing link somewhere.If its meant to be, maybe if they ever breakup and teh feelings are real.

    Goodluck to you, and while you are at it, resolve to find SINGLE, UNATTACHED men! The biggest mistake you could ever make is to be with someone that is committed and failed so woefully in making that commitment work. It may just be a view of what is to come in your own relationship. Imagine if you have problems with him? What stops him from running outside to the next woman who will hear him whine, and he ends up professing his love for her as well. He is a gentleman with many issues. You are blessed to see this before getting in a relationship, be happy you dont have to go through the humiliation his girl is going through right now. How would you feel if your man did the same to you? So just cut things off with him, and find your own man.

  33. Neighbor

    January 19, 2011 at 10:55 am

    This is the problem in our society..isn’t there more to life than Marriage, Marriage. That’s why they use some girls like football. Haba!

  34. Amseriouslyinlove.

    January 19, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Lol at Neighbor,am sure that is why they use some girls for yahoo rituals..buhahaha.

    So many of this girls in London..LoL

  35. ibb

    January 21, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    hey!It is not good for a man or woman to be alone.

  36. dee

    January 21, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    excellent piece Ejire, truly wise words.

  37. Purpleicious babe

    January 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Lool @ all the comments… just hilarious..

  38. Purpleicious babe

    January 25, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    @ the article, the very first guy I decided to date was a cool guy but I was not into him, i didnt find him attractive on any level apart from the conversation, but he treated me very well. Although, we went our seperate ways he got with someone esle, and still tried it with him but i didnt give him any attention to lead him on.

    Regardless, last year I saw wedding pics of him and his wife, he is only 23 when he got married. I didnt feel anything, I was so happy for him, i even congratulated him on fb. I was happy, besides I was with a great dude at the time, I am so glad I didnt stay in the relationship, even though i knew he would spoil me. If any of my ex was to be married, I would be so happy for them. This is because we werent meant for each other. I guess I can only be depressed or sad if I treated the partner like trash.

    I do believe in marriage, even though i am aware of all the negativity surronding it. I have a very strong faith and I am a living to testimonies that whatever you believe can come true only if it is in the will of God and you have a good motive behind it. So believe it and you will receive it in the best time.

  39. tamiz

    February 1, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    this write up wasn’t necessary… sorry…

  40. maryjane

    February 9, 2011 at 11:18 am

    it hurt me!i was sad but for a moment i knew dat i wouldnt have married him but it was d competitive spirit fighting in me! thanks for this write-up!

  41. be-inspired

    February 10, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    u must be a naughty person!!! really funny bt important reason…………ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!

    • be-inspired

      February 10, 2011 at 7:53 pm

      @ Gorgeous January 18, 2011 at 4:56 PM
      Well someone i was seeing is getting married this year. But my reaction was what? Someone could be ok with that? Oh wow, every happy relationship you see may not be that happy, or maybe not everyone values sexual satisfaction in a relationship. I had to end it because his kini wasn’t to my expectation’s, and i dont see myself marrying a man i would definitely cheat on! I guess his fiancee doesnt mind, Goodluck to them. But sex is very important to me especially in a relationship that i hope will last at least 40years.lol.

  42. Mini

    March 1, 2011 at 10:04 am

    this is truly an experience….. never knew that other people undergo the same pressure or rather should say feelings….

  43. Ibo Chic

    August 2, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    Being afraid of marriage is not strange and really not rare. I used to b so very afraid of getting married. Like i just couldnt picture myself in a life long committment to any of my ex-boyfriends then. I was mortified and thot something was seriously wrong with me. Until i met my husband and then bam! i could see the whole picture of happily-ever-after with him in my head and i was no more afraid to say those magical words ‘I DO’.
    Being afraid of committment with someone is simply a sign that that person isn’t ‘THE ONE’ for u. Prayerfully move on and soon u’ll find the man just right for u.

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