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BN Prose: First Fight by Lola Okusami

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Ding-dong went the doorbell.

I hurried to open the door before the bell rang a second time and woke up my sleeping 14-month-old. I’d finally gotten her to take a nap and was relishing the slumber which hopefully would last a couple of hours.

Just as I sank onto the couch to see what was on TV — anything, please, but Disney channel — my phone rang. It was ‘Ranti calling to say she was in the neighborhood and was stopping by. There’s only one thing that brings ‘Ranti to my side of town and I’ve long since realized that it’s not me. ‘Anthropologie’ is right down the road from the condo ‘Dute and I bought about two years ago. I introduced ‘Ranti to ‘Anthropologie’ soon after we moved in and boy, have I created a monster. At some point, I was worried homegirl was going to shop herself into some major credit card crisis but I guess marrying Olisaemeka has helped curb some of her ‘Anthropologie’ diggings.

As I opened the door, ‘Ranti practically pranced into my living room like a young deer, wearing an off-the-shoulder white peasant blouse with dark blue jeans. Her lovely thick hair framed her face in a Rihanna-style pageboy. “I had this haircut before Rihanna did, okay?” she always insists, whenever I say that. Whatever.

“Shhh,” I whispered. “The empress is asleep o. If you want to enjoy this visit, you must speak softly.”

“Okay,” she whispered back and we both tip-toed into the kitchen. In hindsight, I have no idea why we were tip-toeing but I chalk it up to the power of the fear of the awakened child who hasn’t gotten enough sleep.

Anyways, she had this twinkle in her eye and I knew she had some story to tell. “Oya, I brought bananas, you got flour?” Right on cue, I pulled out a mixing bowl from the dishwasher and started getting ready to make my world-famous — okay, I exaggerate, but who cares? — puff puff. The secret ingredient is the banana which weirdly enough, takes some people ages to figure out. They’re like, “is it vanilla extract?” Someone even said it was plantain. I think it was the girl with a PhD in physics. I guess sometimes, it’s hard for certain people to see the small picture.

“So tell me, what’s this gist ’cause I can see it just pouring out of your eyes, ‘Ranti.” She glanced at me mischievously from mashing the bananas and half-spoke, half-whispered, “Ollie and I had our first fight.”

“I bet it was after you went over the limit with the poor guy’s card at ‘Anthropologie’, right?”

“No,” she replied. “Actually that will probably be our second fight but anyways, right now, I’m living in the moment.”

‘Ranti and Olisaemeka aka Ollie had been married for about 9 months. They met at an unlikely a place as a protest at the Nigerian embassy in Washington DC. A popular journalist disappeared in Lagos after a visit by Nigeria’s Secret Service. It had been two weeks and her whereabouts were still unknown. There was a big uproar in the press in Nigeria and an organization called ‘Naijas in America’ decided to go bombard the Embassy in Washington, DC, and hopefully get some press attention. In the end, only about 12 protesters showed up and were largely ignored by embassy employees. They definitely didn’t get any attention from the press either but I guess ‘Ranti and Ollie were paying lots of attention to each other. After a couple of dates, they found they were passionate about all things Nigeria except actually living there. Six months after they met, Ollie popped the question, they went home for the wedding, then off to Morocco for their honeymoon and lived happily ever after — or until their first fight, I guess.

“So what happened?” I grinned. I couldn’t imagine ‘Ranti and Ollie fighting, actually. They were the closest thing to soul mates I’d ever seen. They always seemed to find a way to agree on everything.

“Okay, so, remember I was on a diet, right?” she began.

“Mm-hmm,” I replied, switching on the deep fryer.

“Okay, so Ollie had been grumbling about how he doesn’t like me dieting and stuff. Just minor grumbling here and there but I hadn’t been paying him no mind, jare. He’s not the one who has to fit into these jeans.”

“Mm-hmm,” I said, and started to drop teaspoon-sized balls of dough into the hot oil.

“Okay, so last Saturday, I went to the mall to get a maroon clutch for those shoes I was wearing to Kemi’s thing. On my way back, I grabbed a chef salad. You know how I love chef salad. The boiled egg, the strips of ham, the shredded carrot, the slices of turkey….”

“Mm-hmmm.” I started to turn the puff-puff over so the other side could cook also.

“So I get home and something smells wonderful. I walk into the kitchen and Ollie has an apron on and is stirring something. Turns out he’s making Ogbono and I see water boiling for iyan. ‘Honey,’ he goes, ‘I’m making lunch.’ I went and hugged him from behind, all the while thinking, how am I going to tell this man that I love, who has just made a steaming pot of ogbono with some serious chunks of smoked turkey, pomo, and beef, that I’m about to settle down to a salad. So I hugged him, whispered quickly that I was going to eat my salad instead and then dashed to the bathroom because I needed to pee.”

“Trouble,” I said, and started collecting the golden puff-puff with my spatula.

“But seriously, Bunmi, do you know how many carbs there are in iyan? And then all that palm oil with cholesterol and all that iyan taking hours to digest, you know?”

I hid a smile and told her to continue. She reached for one of the puff-puff.

“About three or four minutes later, I emerged.” “Honey,” I apologized as I went to hug him again, “I’m really sorry but I’m going to eat my salad. But we can eat together at the table.” As I said that, I glanced toward the spot I’d left the salad. It wasn’t there.

“Trouble,” I said again.

“See me o,” she said and continued. “I pulled away from Ollie and walked over to push my purse aside. No salad. Without thinking, I scratched my scalp. I could have sworn I put it here. I was kinda talking out loud, but got no response from Ollie. So I ran out quickly to the car and peered through the windows. No salad. I started laughing. My dear husband had hidden it.

So I went back inside and pulled Ollie away from the stove so he was facing me. Laughing, I said, “Ollie, what did you do with my salad?” He went, “what salad?” “Don’t play, jare. Where’s my salad?” I started pulling drawers open and opening cabinets. Ollie stood there and watched me.

Okay, now after a while, I started getting really irritated so I kinda barked, “where’s my salad, Olisaemeka???”

He barked right back, “Don’t yell at me!”

“Ollie can bark?” Olisaemeka is the coolest dude I know.

“If I’m lying make I baf naked for bafroom,” said ‘Ranti. We went into hysterical giggles over that. Of course, we couldn’t laugh out loud because of the empress sleeping upstairs.

“Continue.”

“Bunmi, there was something about his tone and the way he was standing that looked like he was preparing for the worst. Like this was some kind of Battle Armageddon and he was prepared to go down fighting.

And then I thought to look in the trash. And there was my salad– I’m not sure I could call it a salad at this point because Ollie had obviously emptied the container into the bin so I was staring at my leaves, shredded carrots, half a boiled egg, nestling comfortably among coffee rinds, scrunched-up paper towels, peels from a watermelon, and other things of suspect identity.

‘How dare you toss my salad into the trash,’ I spluttered. How dare you?! I think I really lost my mind at that point.

I started pulling the leaves out of the trash and placing them on a paper towel.

“You’re still going to eat it?” Ollie asked me.

“Yes, I am and what are you going to do about that?” I replied.

“You’re basically disappearing before my very eyes!” he yelled. “Everything I loved about you is disappearing! You’re always on a diet! I don’t even get to eat with you anymore! You’re either at the gym or trying a new salad! I loved your breasts! Now you’re just one huge plateau of a chest!!!”

Plateau of a what???

”Before I knew it, I ran to the stove, grabbed the pot of ogbono by the handles and emptied it into the sink. I plead temporary insanity, Bunmi. I don’t know what came over me”.

“You did what? I gasped.

She bit into another puff-puff and continued. “He didn’t even say anything. He just stood there and watched me. And I’m totally ashamed to tell you what I did next. I turned the garbage disposal on and very maliciously watched the ogbono slurp down the drain. Of course, the smoked turkey bones ruined the disposal and Ollie had to get someone to come fix it but that’s another story, jare.

By this tiime, I was staring at ‘Ranti as though she was an alien. “So he didn’t say anything?”

“Nothing. It was a wordless fight, really. All we both did was destroy each other’s lunch. He took the apron off, stalked upstairs into our room and slammed the door. Of course, I’m like crap, so where am I supposed to go? So I went into the basement and turned BET on as loud as I could. I think LLCool J was picking his top 25 music videos.

Anyway, about 20 minutes later — I still don’t know what I did for 20 minutes. My brain was in a fog — I turned down the volume of the TV just in time to hear Ollie banging out the front door. I ran upstairs and saw him hop into his truck, reverse and speed away.

”I didn’t know what to do. In the nine months, we’ve been married we hadn’t fought. I went into the kitchen and looked around. He hadn’t cleared up from cooking and the leftover tomatoes he had cut up were still sitting by the sink. I noticed he’d boiled panla and blended the crayfish himself because I don’t like the stuff that’s already ground. Sometimes, it feels like they blend crayfish and add some sand for good measure”.

”I thought of my dear Ollie putting all the stuff together while I was at the mall, hoping to surprise me with a hot meal of ogbono and iyan and I had to be a drama queen. I stared at the sink, wishing I could reverse time, walk back through the kitchen and see Ollie at the stove, still stirring his pot of ogbono. I wish I had just thrown the salad in the fridge, settled down to the iyan and then snuck out to the gym later. So many possibilities. So many different ways I could have chosen to react”.

“I thought of calling my mom but I could already hear her speech about how I finally found a guy who was willing to deal with my craziness and now I was going to chase him away because of salad”.

”Anyways, by this time, I was truly penitent and decided I was going to apologize the moment Ollie came back — if he came back. I had visions of him going to the courthouse, never mind that it was a Saturday, coming back and handing me annulment papers signed by a judge”.

”Why are you looking at me like that, Bunmi. You know how my mind works now”.

”I don’t know how long I stood in the kitchen thinking. But a key in the door aroused me from my thoughts. I quickly pulled myself together and walked towards the door. As Ollie appeared, I started to say how sorry I was, how ungrateful I was and how I didn’t deserve him. He looked at me, reached into the plastic bag he was holding and pulled out an exact replica of the salad he’d dumped into the trash”.

”Next thing, we were in each other’s arms. I’m, of course, crying at this point. You know I cry at the weirdest things. And he was telling me he was sorry for dumping my salad and he had no right to tell me what to eat and sorry about the comment about my chest and I’m saying sorry for pouring your hard work down the drain.”

“Wow,” I said. “You two are a movie. For real. ‘Ranti & Ollie: The Movie.”

“So does he like your aya now?”

“Hmm, I stopped going to the gym o, and now I’m back to a C cup.”

“Hallelujah, praise the Lord,” I joked.

‘Ranti started on her third puff-puff. “This no be joke o. If I had done that to any other man, I don’t know if I would have survived to tell the story.

“Well,” I said, “there is never any justification for that. I don’t care how many pots of ogbono you throw down the disposal.”

“I know now. You know Ollie would never lift his hand to me or any other woman. I’m just saying.”

“Girl, you are crazy,” I said.

“Yes o, you think I don’t know it? Well, so is Ollie. Who throws someone else’s food in the trash. But anyways, I better run to Sears and pay off this Discover balance before we really have a real fight.”

“Take some puff puff for Ollie.”

“You know I’m going to finish it on the way. But I’ll take it, sha. I have to make sure Ollie is not cooking tomorrow ’cause after all this puff-puff, I definitely must eat a salad tomorrow!”

“Take it easy. If the man wants you to eat, then eat.”

Ehen. Mo ti gbo. You think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t touched the puff-puff at all? Thank you, jare. I dey go. Kiss the empress for me.”

“See you later, ‘Ranti.”

I watched her prance down the driveway to her car and then I saw in my mind, Ollie standing there as ‘Ranti emptied his pot of ogbono into the sink and suddenly, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Photo Credit: http://gainingonesdefinition.com

213 Comments

  1. Ulo

    July 5, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    lol! She ia a nutcase for sure. but gotta love her for being real……crazy

    • Temi

      July 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm

      I want an Ollie kinda man, lol! Lovely read for a dragging day at work. 6pm knack already!

  2. miss bonnie

    July 5, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Awww..love. Tew cute

  3. Mememe

    July 5, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Lol…I like..

  4. adele

    July 5, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Awwww, this is how love should be.

  5. john

    July 5, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    Good read..I’m 1st today?

  6. Linda

    July 5, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Great! I enjoyed the flow of thoughts and the story. Funny too…. interesting but most guys no for take this like that o. ah, he will cook and then u will pour it down the drain, wahala don start o

  7. missy_spectacularrrr

    July 5, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    funniest read in a while……….that was so refreshing….im in the office and i could not stop laughing!

  8. Annonymous

    July 5, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Wow…I can only imagine! Well written prose but honestly and truly that must be true love. Are there really men like that in Naija?

    • Zee

      July 7, 2011 at 9:29 am

      Yeap there are ohh! And I have one 😀

  9. Fati

    July 5, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Very amusing story. I pray they continue to make-up after each fight and that each fight brings them closer together. The story was quite funny… thinking about it cos I cud NEVER imagine throwing my oga’s ogbono inside the garbage disposal. Fear no go gree me..lol!

  10. ASHAMA

    July 5, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    We need WEDDINGS oooooooooo!!!!!

  11. teeboz

    July 5, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

  12. Tee

    July 5, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    This story is a such a breath of air from all the sad stories of late…Love still de abeg

    Great job!

  13. Muicy

    July 5, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    She is lucky…

    • amasha

      July 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm

      She’s really lucky o, if na some men now(like the ones we’ve bn hearing of late) na wahala be dt o

  14. Myne Whitman

    July 5, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Nice story, makes me go hmmm….

  15. Cho22

    July 5, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Lover the make up part!!!!!!! Love!!!!!

  16. oma

    July 5, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    lol, sounds like a fairy tale but nice one

  17. oma

    July 5, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    and first!!!!!!!!! yay

  18. john

    July 5, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    women..they will always want a good caring man but when they do, they end up acting “Ranti”. At least Ollie knows how to make things work again..Good luck to all the married men and women. its def. not an easy task to stay married.

  19. Chinwe

    July 5, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    awwwwwwwwwhhhhh!!!!! thats the kind of hubby everywoman prays for. Thank God Ranti realised without being told that she was soo wrong. Nice one Lola, more of this please.

  20. Titi

    July 5, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Spoilt ass heffa…she betta grow up and thank God she got a good man

  21. Fab junkies

    July 5, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    Aww, what a gentleman Ollie is. Great story,nice read.
    http://www.fabuloucityjunkies.com

  22. auntie

    July 5, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    I LOVED IT!!!!!!

  23. Vieve

    July 5, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    I must say that Ollie is a very wonderful guy. Nice write up. I enjoyed d story. First to comment! I doubt it

  24. OK

    July 5, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    nice piece.

  25. Miss Onakz

    July 5, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Wonderful

  26. lolo

    July 5, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    interesting ild try adding bannana to my puff puff next time

  27. Biodun

    July 5, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    HIlarioussssssssssss!!!!! lmfaoooooooooo!!!!!! that’s the funniest story I’ve read on BN. More of these stories please??!!!! TBH i dont know how i would have reacted if i was Ollie..a violent dude would have turned her into a punching bag just as quickly. However i believe women..African women to be precise would appreciate their husbands in the kitchen for a change. I think a more realistic version if this story is that the salad would have flown into the fridge once she saw him cooking!!!

    • auntie

      July 20, 2011 at 9:42 pm

      errr… she visited that option later.
      haven’t you had a craving ever??

  28. jaybee

    July 5, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    nice story,dnt take the one u love for granted though

  29. Abi

    July 5, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    i lovee it!! i cant epress how much i love this Prose.
    i want the story to continue & Never end!

  30. missmee

    July 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    i love!!! very good write up

  31. kizito

    July 5, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    Nice got me laughing out loud

  32. Nana Nasiru

    July 5, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Hilarious read!!! I honestly love this couple, if I did that to my husband walahi snow go fall for Abuja if he doesn’t murder me.

    • WaleAdeniji

      July 6, 2011 at 12:52 pm

      Lol!!!!

  33. Africhic

    July 5, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Nice……………am i first?

  34. Dee Dee

    July 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Funny 🙂

  35. Girl

    July 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Aww, this is such a cute little story…….. but aiye o ri ba yi sha…..

    • Ngozi

      July 8, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      abi o!! tell them.

    • hateunrealisticpple

      July 11, 2011 at 5:54 pm

      not in every case o…im married and can honestly say my husband is like that

  36. chuqqie

    July 5, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    Wt a lucky lady…

  37. Moi Meme

    July 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    AMAZING!! lol laughing all the way through it! so women sha lol @ the breats part, na real talk o! lol

    • Moi Meme

      July 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm

      FIRST! lol…couldnt resist

  38. kemmy

    July 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    awww…i need a man like ‘Ollie’

  39. Minny!

    July 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    lol….is this real?
    I love anthro too!!!!

  40. Indomie

    July 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    hahaha too funny!

  41. Excited B

    July 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    Daresay im 1st? Whatever. I just know this is such an exciting story, dat i didn’t want it to end. Wish every woman could find her ollie, then marriages would last longer. I wish you and ollie all the best, Ranti. Thanks for sharing Lola.

  42. OyinD

    July 5, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    LOL. Kudos Lola,ur story definitely put a smile on my face

  43. Tiki

    July 5, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    First, yay! tan tan tan tan tan TAN *dancing the conga*

  44. popsicle

    July 5, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    hmmmm…May God lead us to the right man. Instead of married girls in naija forcing their single friends to marry OR parents forcing “marriage” down their children’s throat, married girls going through hardship better let it be known instead of pretending that marriage is the best thing since sliced bread.

  45. Baby Dee

    July 5, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    Yayyyy First!. Love love the story!

  46. wole

    July 5, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    Like seriously ,fantastic right up, wow! would an olisaemeka for masef abeg he is really a man.

  47. kaydee

    July 5, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    very nice

  48. AnotherIfy

    July 5, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    Really?

  49. iknow

    July 5, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    So sweet…
    Am I first?

  50. Young, Fabulous & God forbid brokeness

    July 5, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    Absolutely love the story!! too funny!!

  51. Anambragirl

    July 5, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    Loved it!. I just cracked up I just cracked up in the office!

    This my idea of a fantasy love. Where you guys can both fight and know that u love each other and will always come back and appreciate each other.

    I want my own “Ollie”!!!!!!
    Chukwu biko

  52. I am Me

    July 5, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    When I read d part of she trowin away d ogbono, I was in shock. Anyw an glad she realizd she was wrong. D guy is jst 2 gud 2 b tru. Went nd got u anoda salad. Sme guys wld swear neva 2 cook 4 u again or do anytn nice, while sme wld beat d crap out of u. Either way u got urself a gud man. Always remenba dat ranti.

  53. ayo

    July 6, 2011 at 12:01 am

    aww, how nice of ollie … now that is what i call love

  54. DMZ

    July 6, 2011 at 12:15 am

    Awww……..am I #1 (Bella pls stop moderating comments joooor) lovely story!

  55. Slush

    July 6, 2011 at 12:29 am

    Lol…

  56. vickky

    July 6, 2011 at 12:34 am

    First!?? Lovely prose about a crazy girl. I hear my husband and kids talk about his cooking prowess……..ogbono soup too. But so far I havent seen any evidence. what wouldnt I do to see him actually cook. Though its a stroy, shes a lucky girl.

  57. Elle

    July 6, 2011 at 12:37 am

    I lurrrvvveee the story, got me smiling.
    I wish my husband and I will fight about things as mundane as salad, lol.

  58. SEXY-YUYI

    July 6, 2011 at 12:39 am

    FIRST TO COMMENT…

  59. NNENNE

    July 6, 2011 at 12:39 am

    Ranti, its okay to keep fit but a liitle bit of the soup would not hurt. That would have made Olie feel appreciated. Anyhow, it was nice that U guys made up.

  60. judy

    July 6, 2011 at 12:54 am

    nice one

  61. pLuM

    July 6, 2011 at 1:00 am

    Wow…such a luvly hubby…Couples have fights often!most impOrtNt thing s haw they r resolved!! GudwrK…

  62. Mademoiselle

    July 6, 2011 at 1:12 am

    Firssstttttt!!!
    Totally enjoyed reading this. If and only IF I could find a man like this in real life! *sigh*. On another note, Ranti is crazy! lol. Well, she apologised so I guess she snaps back into normality from time to time.

  63. Akebaje

    July 6, 2011 at 2:04 am

    Very nice Lola!!!

  64. mary007

    July 6, 2011 at 2:06 am

    Jeez lovely read, very realistic, could not stop reading. Well written, this made me smile after that yeye Casey Anthony verdict!

  65. MissKay

    July 6, 2011 at 2:30 am

    i absolutely LOOVVVEEEEEEEE this!!! PLEASE, we want more!! – i normally wouldnt speak for anyone else, but im pretty sure any sane person would want more of this!…cant waitt……keep up the good work & work your writing talent & blessing!

  66. Lola NYC

    July 6, 2011 at 3:18 am

    Good Job, Lola

  67. ASHAMA

    July 6, 2011 at 3:26 am

    We need WEDDINGS ooooooooooooo!!!!

  68. dlapikin

    July 6, 2011 at 3:54 am

    Loved it… I smiles all the way!!!

  69. Beeci

    July 6, 2011 at 4:18 am

    Nice read!

  70. Anyaposh

    July 6, 2011 at 4:19 am

    awww! that was an amazing story with a great ending!

  71. meme

    July 6, 2011 at 4:34 am

    awww

  72. mia

    July 6, 2011 at 4:57 am

    awwwwwwwwwwwwww! i want a man like ollie lol.. great story. im obsessed with working out and eating salad too lol …oh well 🙂 Anyway, she’s one lucky ass girl. i was mad when she threw that soup away, me i was already licking my lips here lmao hiss. They are soo cute tho. Ollie is such a good and patient man o.

  73. Ann

    July 6, 2011 at 5:17 am

    Excellent! I enjoyed reading every line! hahaha! The first fight is always something else! Good times!:) lol

  74. Ene

    July 6, 2011 at 5:43 am

    First?

  75. IFE

    July 6, 2011 at 6:18 am

    LOVELY ARTICLE. WHAT A BLESSED WOMAN

  76. Rolayo

    July 6, 2011 at 6:28 am

    ROTFL!!! Good story, sorry, wonderful story! Its nice to have some humour on BN Prose! *round of applause*

  77. Eva

    July 6, 2011 at 6:51 am

    First fight indeed!Wish all couples would fight like that.

  78. toluwa

    July 6, 2011 at 6:59 am

    good read.

  79. Sobe

    July 6, 2011 at 7:07 am

    lovely ……..*big round of applause*

  80. Kay

    July 6, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Nice, interesting read

  81. judith

    July 6, 2011 at 7:26 am

    This is such a nice storyy! Damn! Am such a ssucker for romance, I hope we all can get. A gud man like ollie!

  82. Tosin

    July 6, 2011 at 7:36 am

    Love!

  83. Domina

    July 6, 2011 at 8:08 am

    lovely prose… first?

  84. funkie

    July 6, 2011 at 8:22 am

    Epic!

  85. kehnie

    July 6, 2011 at 8:36 am

    Very lucky lady!!!!!!!!!I pray my man also exhibit such character.

  86. Newbiee

    July 6, 2011 at 8:36 am

    Awwwwwww……|This is indeed a good day start for me.

  87. T

    July 6, 2011 at 8:39 am

    I totally enjoyed this!…is there a book?…*hoping*…lol

  88. beforesheimplodes

    July 6, 2011 at 8:59 am

    LOL this was cute….sadly not a popular reality….

  89. Cutie Toxie

    July 6, 2011 at 9:01 am

    I LOVED THIS STORY SO MUCH. I TOTALLY TOTALLY LOVE YOUR STYLE AS WELL. I LIKE HOW THE STORY IS ABOUT RANTI AND OLLIE BUT IT’S IN 1ST PERSON AS TOLD BY BUNMI.
    Yeah I typed in caps cos I was totally screaming here. I wanna meet the writer!!!!!!!!

    *composes self* *cough*

    ‘Nice piece’ 😀 😀

  90. Cutie Toxie

    July 6, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Ok now that I’m done gushing over the piece can I also add that I love how the carb conscious Ranti was devouring puff puff… also u shoulda made that buns cos puff puff is usually kept aside to allow for rising.. u cant mix and make puff puff immediately… ( i believe!)

  91. NIRA

    July 6, 2011 at 9:09 am

    No comments yet????

  92. Kekeli

    July 6, 2011 at 9:10 am

    Lol, I love this…lighthearted and cheerful read…funny, i was smiling through. Cute couple, funny story teller

  93. notaplayahater

    July 6, 2011 at 9:12 am

    lol…. im in love with Ranti! serious were of a girl! Ha, she’s just lucky that ‘Ollie’ had been jandified! wallahi. if na proper Nnewi Ollie be dat eh….heh heh heh… i’m sure e for nack salad commot for her eye! no excuse for that, yes, but Omo girl dey crase sha! and truly, if Ollie had thrown away my salad, i for “kpokpo” his cute, adorable Igbo head!

  94. sadie frost

    July 6, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Beautiful read…

  95. Lenny

    July 6, 2011 at 9:21 am

    what an interesting story….so real.

  96. Jacky

    July 6, 2011 at 9:21 am

    Wow! such an interesting read. got me all glued in. i like

  97. ADI

    July 6, 2011 at 9:38 am

    This is so splendid. Great Job

  98. cleo

    July 6, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Lol…..Ollie nice oh….some guys wont have taken it sooo likely ,after slaving over the pot ….love conquers all i see…..lol

  99. Ibk

    July 6, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Ranti is a drama queen! Lol. Glad it ended well. Thumbs up

  100. Nanlop

    July 6, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Hmmmmmmmmmm! She went too far by pouring the steaming,and deliciously lukn ogbono soup away and he also went too far by putting her salad in the disposal but the moral of this story is the fact that they were able to learn form their mistakes,correct them and move on, that’s nice, though i advice that we all learn to e more patient with one another and not allow angry becloud our sense of reasoning.

  101. Lola X

    July 6, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Great read!!!

    Lola x, London
    http://lola-x.blogspot.com

  102. Honey!

    July 6, 2011 at 9:45 am

    nice write-up!

    Women sha! u beta not try dat wiv some men o, if una no wan chop slap. this one wey d talk of d town be domestic violence…..God save us o! Ladies n weightloss saga! e sha rora, tbh, not all men like women who r so obsessed wiv this weightloss of a thing! Ladies, lets be careful o! just stay healthy n dnt kill urself cos u wanna fit into a size zero jeans! my two cents…..

    • Tess

      July 6, 2011 at 4:26 pm

      wow u had to take this to the slap. o ga o, is that what u r used to? this ur comment alone deserves another write up on whether or not, some of us women are “conditioned” to expect being battered as a reprimand or everytime we make a mistake. comments like urs, is part of the problem o so be positive and don’t think it’s ever ok to be slapped. pls let’s keep it light and humorous as the article is intended. Olle and Ranti are rockstars 🙂

  103. omaosoul

    July 6, 2011 at 9:58 am

    yay! am first, dis is d funniest piece ever, you write excellently, wat a way to start my day. I love this, men is she lucky, not many a man will take that o, marriage in wonderland..patience is a virtue!! and love covers a multitude of sins..more of this please!!!

  104. diamond

    July 6, 2011 at 10:02 am

    OMG! one of the best & most hilarious i’ve read so far. there are different ways to kill a rat. we should only choose the best. unforgiveness deprives us of many pleasures. well done, lola.
    kiss the empress for me too….. lol

  105. miss p

    July 6, 2011 at 10:06 am

    and i’m laughing this lady in this story is so meeee,original drama queen or lady gaga as my mother calls me

  106. Chuchusweets

    July 6, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Oh I Love BN Prose stories so much..they do something to me, cant there be a short stories compilation…would be nice really!…Well Done Lola

  107. temi

    July 6, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Cnt stop laughing! Ollie is such a gud man.

  108. mary-anne

    July 6, 2011 at 10:16 am

    nice, wish i had that kinda guy lol!

  109. chi chi

    July 6, 2011 at 10:29 am

    o my gosh! we women can be something some times o. ‘Olise’ is such a real man, nt only does he attempts to cook, he cares about his woman, her health, her looks, etc, he’s also man enough to apologize. of course he’s crazy to have actually dumped her salad in d trash. they are really in love (and they are already married. it might have been a different story if they were just dating).

  110. Damsel

    July 6, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Niceeeeeeeee.You have to see my reaction when Ranti threw the ogbono into bin,i was like kasala go burst.

  111. ifeoma

    July 6, 2011 at 10:30 am

    very lovely story

  112. sleekiun

    July 6, 2011 at 10:35 am

    awwwwww………………..

  113. Nikky

    July 6, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Oh so funny! It made me laugh oh….Weldone to the writer.

    We women are so caught up with our bodies, I am too but i feel Olisa sha.

  114. Annie

    July 6, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Totally Loved it. well written. love love love it!!!

  115. Tess

    July 6, 2011 at 10:50 am

    hahahhahahaahahah loooooooooooooooooooooooool, i can’t stop laughing. Maybe I should stop reading these stufs in the office before I grab a querry for “out burst laughter”. Beautiful gist, please tell Ranti to eat and thank God everyday for Ollie……….some other guy will………… just blank but I know it won’t be good.

  116. Romerniah

    July 6, 2011 at 10:55 am

    yey!! i am first….very nyc story, i really enjoyed it. Ollie is a nyc man, i love his patience and consideration.that is how a real man is to behave, and Ranti…hmmm she is a case. wats the use of slimming down wen ur man prefers the way you are, just eat healthy, period!!

  117. Ajike Gold

    July 6, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Ranti,you one lucky girl…hold on to that man o

  118. precious

    July 6, 2011 at 11:00 am

    nice one,love is very very interesting for the first time u guys are fighting and the next in each others arms gosh marriage is a blessing but shouldn’t be compared to relationships, she did the right thing by apologizing and she should thank her stars for having such a man…….

  119. Tama

    July 6, 2011 at 11:00 am

    wow, nice article
    i had a fight with my boyfriend over the weekend, food related too and after reading this i just have to swallow my pride and apologize

  120. Karimah

    July 6, 2011 at 11:09 am

    lmao. tho am not a salad person, by bf is just like Ollie. thinks am disappearing before his eyes and would want me to eat all I can. *smh* I see myself doing what Ranti did tho…. I better watch out

    • Karimah

      July 6, 2011 at 11:29 am

      My*

  121. Rebel

    July 6, 2011 at 11:12 am

    bowl of salad you can replace from the supermarket, steaming pot of freshly cooked ogbono is another story – ouch!

  122. Alake

    July 6, 2011 at 11:15 am

    fantastic!!! i almost didnt want it to end

  123. EFE

    July 6, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Lol…9ice. Enjoyed reading it. Can imagine the scene with her throwing the soup away..LOL!

  124. debosky

    July 6, 2011 at 11:31 am

    nice, well written..funny couple.

  125. T

    July 6, 2011 at 11:44 am

    BN…post my comment oh!

  126. emjay

    July 6, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    well nicely finished! can i dare say FIRST……………?

  127. Mashauto

    July 6, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    What is it with us African women of today! We can not even appreciate our on culture, oops! If this is what we call
    development, definitely we have a log way to go.

  128. Kesse Noni

    July 6, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Sincerely, I love dis so much

  129. RMG

    July 6, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Ranti has a gift of a man in Ollie, not too many women have the same story to tell…love it!

  130. debbie

    July 6, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    very nice story! hmmm, do men like Ollie really exist? i could have sworn he was going to giver her a dirty slap after pouring d ogbono away…anyway, I pray for this kinda man oo..

  131. WaleAdeniji

    July 6, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    All ladies here wantd their own Ollie, abi? You go pray hard o. I would have love this type of fairy tale happening to be happening in all marriages but for where? Perhaps this happened because their marriage is still very young else the guy would have vowed never ever to enter that kitchen again not to talk to trying to cook anything for both of them to eat. I pray all relationship in real life will be like that of Ollie and Ranti where there would be absolute peave and love would reign supreme.

  132. Oma

    July 6, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    The ups and downs of marriages. moving past it is what matters.
    http://lifethroughomaseyes.blogspot.com

  133. Lucy

    July 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Wow! But this cannot happen in a Nigerian society, in fact, an African society. The man would simply throw the woman out of the house without battling an eyelid. However, I believe true love conquers all as long as you accept the wrong doing and apologise.

  134. Oluwatosin

    July 6, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Makes me want to fall in luv!

  135. Mariamah

    July 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Hahahahaha so?

  136. Oyeyemi

    July 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    What, is this some kinda of joke? Ranti deserves serious pankere!!!!

  137. Oyeyemi

    July 6, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Oh, now I understand. Its a prose

  138. adaking

    July 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    wow!!!!dis got me rolling in laughter…..i am sure my colleagues think i have gone mad. by the way lovely piece ,,,wish all men r so compassionate and understanding.

  139. Sassy Diva

    July 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahha… ROTRFLLLLL …i enjotyed myself..did anyone notice how she was telling a story and teaching us how to make puff puff …this is soooo funny…well done gal lol

  140. NKIRU

    July 6, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    WISDOM IN ACTION, OLLIE IS MORE THAN MATURED, HANDLED HIS CHALLENGE VERY WELL.

  141. Kgirl

    July 6, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Lovely story

  142. H.A.W

    July 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    aww. cute

  143. Tess

    July 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    this is the man every woman needs.

  144. zizim

    July 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    wow..so adorable… makes me believe in foolish love and romance again..
    breath of fresh air..may we find men who r that patient with our drama and for those of us already married, may we continually be the apple of our husbands eye’s..
    amiiinnnn

  145. Lue

    July 6, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    is there really that kind of man?….just asking o

  146. Bukky

    July 6, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

  147. Bukky

    July 6, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    now i feel like eating Ogbono

    • auntie

      July 20, 2011 at 9:53 pm

      lol.. o serious

  148. awelewa

    July 6, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    WAOH DIS IS INTERESTING AND CRAZY.WAT CAN I SAY BUT TO MUTTER HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

  149. Godlovesme4me

    July 6, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    I agree with you Rolayo.
    LMAOROTFL…I cldnt stop laughing even though I was at work.
    I enjoyed each line and excited to read the next…hard to believe but such men as Ollie still exists in some parts of this world. Nice Nice Nice story!!

  150. angela

    July 6, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    dat shows true luv

  151. Akinbayo

    July 6, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Ollie, You be Ideal man o, I trust my self and a few other Ondo Men hmmmn I will probably give a silent treatment for 2 weeks, feed outside for that period, but sure somewhere along the line My love for Ranti will sheath my silence to forgive. The truth is forgiveness is very sweet, it lifts a huge burden off your emotions.

  152. Uju G

    July 6, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    Initially, I thought it was another article addressing domestic violence … but it turned out to be a nice read and a breath of fresh air .. (don’t judge a book by it’s cover) LMAO @ all the ladies wanting a man like “ollie” .. Goodluck to una .. keep dreaming .. not trying to be a pessimist but … see you on the other side of reality …lol

  153. Kerosene

    July 6, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    Very very nice and lovely story..make us all want to find our own Ollie..

    Funny too people who are the numbers 98 or 99 to comments hoping to be the first lol..don’t you check at which hour a story was posted before screaming “first!!!” 😉

  154. omoge

    July 7, 2011 at 4:01 am

    fairytale…if only men like that existed….

  155. Obi

    July 7, 2011 at 5:33 am

    Chai! No words can express …

  156. Lovinit

    July 7, 2011 at 7:21 am

    I dare say that dz can happen in reality. True Love is not selfish n itz sacrificial. Ollie threw away her Salad 1st, Shld he av done dt under any circumstance? However, he realised he was wrong to av acted in such manner n asked for forgiveness. Ranti on d other hand also thought in retrospect how she could av handled d situation better n was sober even before Ollie came in. True Love does not justify actions. It would make u thnk of how u could have handled situations better inspite of ur partner’s actions/reactions. Thumbs up Lola! Vry cool prose.

  157. Aibee

    July 7, 2011 at 10:32 am

    Awwww! So sweet. Ranti & Ollie saound like how real and true love should be.

  158. Lady V

    July 7, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Beautiful, very nice read.

  159. keke

    July 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    this is so cool!!

  160. Chichi

    July 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Very nice write up and if Ollie is this much of a gentleman, aim really happy for her but I want to make some points clear, yeah Ranti had her way, and yeah Ollie was even nicer about it, we thank God but looking at all comments, it was only one person that said we shouldnt take good men for granted as well as we shouldn’t take good women for granted. Going back to the news we have being hearing lately about abuse, I will want to say that Ranti should really thank God and not ever be encouraged to do so, men like Ollie are out there if he’s not pretending to be something worse later o but I can tell you that a lot of women provoke men like him to turn into whatever he never wished to turn into. Everyone is laughing about it and thinking it is the best thing but please women don’t be ever encouraged to provoke your man, the rate in which women provoke men is really high and bad, a lot of women already said it here that their men will kill them if they did the same, that is because ofcos we all have our different ways of handling issues and if u agree with me or not, I am not saying the guy was right for trashing her salad but she was very very wrong for pouring his pot of soup away, if you can recall, it was easy for the guy to run out to get the salad back for her but do you think it will be easy for them to put together all the ingredients for ogbona. And what I have learnt from we human beings is that we make what is tolerated of us an habit, like the women that keeps accepting their hubbies back because the came back to beg so is Ranti’ behaviour will continue because her hubby tolerates it and let’s her get away with it. But on the other hand, do we actually think of the length in which even good men like her hubby will take provocation. If she changes and knows that that kind of behavior to a good man can not be continued, I wish her all the best. Another thing is the way we comment on some issues where we are supposed to really rebuke the behaviours causing the problems we are having now, I understand this is a true love story but I feel like the truth about this story wasn’t seen and addressed and that is why I sat to really bring this points out. Everyone with their opinions and really don’t have to agree to mine but if truly we want to end abuse against either men or women, we need to change ourselves first and be factual when we have to be. I pray for all those in abused relationships, God will help them get out and also pray for us all, married or not….may God lead us thru. Amen!

  161. uzor

    July 7, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    NICE STORY, BUT I DO NOT KNOW IF WE STILL HAVE GUYS THAT CAN TAKE THIS AND STILL BE THE FIRST TO MAKE UP.

  162. Chiichii

    July 7, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!! Ollie is made in heaven!!!

  163. tite

    July 7, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    humm very nice story mi like

  164. Justino

    July 7, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    We need more role model husbands like Ollie…….Good prose

  165. Fumi

    July 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Praying for ma Ollie,ba won’t be this silly anyway!!!

  166. Elba's wifey

    July 7, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    look at all dis pple sayin FIRST…first ko,last ni…anywaiz, beautiful writeup…

  167. -----

    July 8, 2011 at 2:13 am

    Bless your dear heart sweetie. The story is tres interesting. BBtw 4 someone who writes such articulate and deep stories, it’s a shame you don’t believe in soul mates(“They were the closest thing to soul mates I’d ever seen”). Ha Lord oh.. ah us we want Ollies oh, he sounds like a sweetheart.

  168. Tomilola

    July 8, 2011 at 10:43 am

    This story is great for so many reasons like,
    1. Ollie is such a SWEETHEART, like totally.
    2. Story is narrated and written so well, very enganging too.
    I want more of this.

  169. robo

    July 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    i love this story, hnmm i wish all marriages were like this,

  170. DIVAZU

    July 8, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    nice story esp after all the violence around……i will have to ask my man what he’d ve done in this situation….lol!!!…..pouring the Ogbono was a lil too far…all the same for a first fight…that was a quick make-up!

  171. HoneyDame

    July 8, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Oh wow!!!….really?! Very good prose…fiction… I like how i was able to live in the moment of the story

  172. Timma

    July 9, 2011 at 12:03 am

    I love love the story, Ollue is a man with a good heart!!!!Hmmmm! sweet romance, food for the soul, more please! but Ranti, remember every day no be Christmas o,don’t send him out with your African woman craze!

  173. Uche

    July 9, 2011 at 11:37 am

    love the story but lets just say i have a thing for women who want to diet, even when its approaching the limit. Trust me this is simply fiction it DOESN’T happen in real life. why would I want to surprise you and you ruin it??? There can’t be any Ollie in this world, nobody, not even women love the kitchen and when I spend so much time in it and you reject my offer for a meagre plate of salad??? Anyways good story…

  174. janded babe

    July 12, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Ranti don spoil o, wetin be ogbono in garbage disposal, an she wan ring her mama..olli get patience, if it were meshe would re cook that ogbono, insult oshi lol
    but seriously its good they made up so quickly although personally i couldnt live life without any arguments, so they agree on evvvverything, I pray it lasts sha.

  175. janded babe

    July 12, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    by the way beautifully written, the best gist on Bn so far

  176. HAUWA

    July 13, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    ERRR…. THIS STORY IS A FAIRYTALE JARE… *LMAO* @ THE OGBONO DOWN THE DRAIN … THAT OLLIE MAN MUST BE SENT FROM HEAVEN… MTSEWW

  177. Funmi

    July 14, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Ollie is a reasonable man he threw her salad to the bin 1st so whatever she did with his Ogbona he also deserve it. I love this story and this is true love in practice. God bless Ollie and Ranti eat and enjoy just work it out and you will be fine.

  178. Nikki

    July 16, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Awww….i love this story so much, its one of the best BN prose..i wish the writer would write a book or more articles..would love to read more of her stories! it was a very descriptive and narrative story, i felt like i was there…it was also funny,& i learnt from it…now im curious to try banana with puff puff!

  179. cheekie

    July 16, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    awwh 🙂 i love this

  180. sclasy

    July 19, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    good tale,gud.tanks write up….milikey

  181. deema

    July 20, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    enjoyed every bit of it

  182. ty

    July 20, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    awwwww.. this is sooo sweet… i feel like giving the author a hug from my computer… very brilliant! thumbs up!

  183. auntie

    July 20, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    i just love how some ppl are praying for ranti and ollie.. lol…
    this is fiction oo…

  184. 9ja gal

    July 23, 2011 at 12:27 am

    AWWW! This is so sweet. I swear this is like the umpteenth time I’m reading this prose. I just love this newly wedded couple 🙂 I wish I find my own “Olisaemeka” one day 🙂

  185. Purpleicious Babe

    July 23, 2011 at 3:15 am

    Awww I loved it and the happy ending is gorgeous…… read it with a massive smile on my face…

    Talent speaks volumes… this is talent…

  186. Purpleicious Babe

    July 23, 2011 at 3:17 am

    Have learnt loads too… ability to compromise is important…

    I am glad they used maturity and wisdom to sort out their issues…

  187. bimz

    July 27, 2011 at 7:58 am

    nice one….love the story…

  188. BrownSugah

    July 30, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    very nice write up!!! Couldn’t help laughing all d way. BN abeg wen can i send my prose. I would love to see my write ups here on BN. Can someone please tell me how i can go about it?

  189. BrownSugah

    August 1, 2011 at 9:36 am

    BN still waiting for ur reply. That’s why am back here again to see if u’ve commented……

  190. tenionabanjo

    August 13, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    awww,too cute
    the kind of man every woman need,nice 1 ollie

  191. Amaka ibeneme

    August 14, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Nice writeup

  192. Ofunne

    August 17, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Luv the story…

  193. OgeSmallz

    August 26, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Awwww. so so sweet… I cant help this comparism: If the two parties involved were my boyfriend and I, hmmmm I woulda had to make the Ogbono soup again o. (After he had bought my salad sha… )

  194. Debola

    September 5, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Wow!! Olie is like my husband…really! We had this kind of drama too..only i am not as crazy as ranti..i sulk, rather than fight

  195. Ollie's fan

    September 14, 2011 at 3:52 am

    Awwww Ollie reminds me of my fiance. I once angrily slapped him because he wasn’t paying attention to my unending blabbing (LMAO). He went upstairs, took his car keys and drove off. Only to find him at the store licking ice cream. My hubby to be is such a God sent. Thank God they still have people like Ollie and my hubby to be in this world. Doesn’t mean you should take advantage of your partner. Nice write up to whoever wrote this. I truly and really enjoyed reading this, Never wanted it to end 🙂

  196. Ted Uche

    October 26, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    I jus cnt stop laughing seriously. But Ollie is da best. Silence treatment is always da best although he realise his mistake but he did wat a man should do.

  197. didi

    December 9, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    nice story and its so cool that it took a whole 9months to have a first fight

  198. Thecla

    July 13, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Ollie is a real man indeed.He’s truly the best man dat any woman would wish to have.I pray dat God will bless me with an Ollie kinda man cos i tnk i really deserve his kind

  199. Olori

    December 18, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Very funny. Sweet love. Nice to read another happy story.
    http://sayolori.wordpress.com

  200. PHLAKKY

    January 28, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    LOL……..NICE STORY WELL WRITTEN, I ENJOYED EVERY LINE….THE INNER LAFF HELPED ME RELIEF DIS OFFICE STRESS OF MINE

  201. Eve

    May 21, 2013 at 9:20 am

    I loved every bit of the story! To all ‘Ollie’s out there, may God continue to bless u, and save one of you for me as well 🙂

  202. tobee

    October 20, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    Wow,very nice read.ollie is amazing!nd to you Ranti,dat
    shdnt happen again.

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