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Diary of a Mad Single Nigerian Woman

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There is a general misconception that every single woman is praying day and night, for a spouse. This is incorrect. Personally, I find myself praying more about my career and bank account balance than I do about a potential life partner.

This isn’t an article about how I don’t need a man or how men aren’t important. Truth be told, men are important and marriage, when done properly, can be a wonderful thing. But I have come to the realization that marriage is a part of life and not life itself. I came to this realization a few years ago. There I was, 27, single and heart broken over another failed relationship when the thought hit me. “Glory, what if God, has decided that you won’t get married for another 5 years? Are you really going to spend the next 5 years of your life, throwing pity parties and wondering if the next guy, who says ‘hello’ is the one? Surely, there has to be something more fulfilling to do with your time”. There and then I made my decision to focus on things that were within my control. i.e. finishing graduate school, my career, focusing on building my character and other aspects of life. 

It’s amazing what such an outlook does to your mind set. It’s utterly liberating. I no longer wonder if the guy I met last week Saturday, is going propose in 6 months. I don’t spend my free time idly browsing through wedding dresses while sighing hopelessly and I find my emotions so at peace that I am able to be absolutely happy for all my friends who are currently in fabulous relationships, engaged or married. Unfortunately those around me are not so liberated in their own thinking.

A few weeks ago, a friend of a colleague came to the office, sporting a baby bump. I congratulated her on her upcoming bundle of joy and new marriage. Only to find her praying for me and advising me to be patient, “that my time would soon come”. I thought it strange that someone who barely knew me would think that my congratulatory messages somehow masked any form of envy for her situation. I mentioned this to my colleague later in the day and she admitted she felt awkward about it too but mentioned that she had done similar to a single friend of theirs earlier.

I’d have put her actions down to pregnancy hormones, if I hadn’t experienced various versions of this ‘single woman needs a man’ attitude in various aspects of society. A friend of mine, recently, went to speak to her pastor about some challenges she was facing at work. After 30minutes of speaking with him, she left without discussing her problem. Why? Because the pastor had decided the bigger issue, was her unmarried status and began to pray about that instead. Another friend of mine complained to me about how her married friends completely cut her out of social activities because she always had a different date and their husbands think she is a ‘bad influence’.

Single men are also not excluded from this new form of single women xenophobia. For some reason, men think, hinting at the prospect of marriage is sufficient to keep any single women under lock and key. Recently, a guy who I had decided not to date told me he didn’t understand my reason for being unnecessarily picky. Apparently, my age didn’t afford me the luxury of time and since he had already told me he was willing to propose, in a few months, he didn’t see why I was being hesitant. Clearly, he had me mistaken for someone who actually gave a damn.

With these various attitudes, it’s no wonder some single women find life frustrating. Sometimes, I wonder if we actually want to get married because we’ve found the right person or because society wont leave us alone. You’d think with all the stories of divorce, people would be a little more careful before they said their ‘I do’s’. On the contrary, our society has made marriage into this utopia that is the answer to all things. Whereas, life itself still continues after marriage. The woman you are, your career, your values, education, financial status and character are still ingredients you need to make life pleasant after marriage.

I see getting married, like the days after secondary school when everyone was anxiously waiting to enter university. Some of my friends traveled immediately after the final secondary schools exams, while I waited to write JAMB. Those days, conversations were filled with who got what result, what school they got accepted into and what they were studying. Some people had to repeat various exams just to enter their preferred universities. Today, no one remembers any of that because we are all at enviable levels in our respective careers. The same is true about marriage, one day, in a few years time, no one will care who got married first or who got married last.

I think accepting being single is a big step in accepting who you are and giving yourself room to enjoy life and all it holds, instead of constantly concentrating on what’s missing. Most guys can spot a woman fishing for a proposal a mile away and will use that as a tool to play you as they see fit. But when you are a confident woman, who is about her business, you wouldn’t have time for any time wasters and only the truly serious men will be able to get your attention. The sooner everyone admits that there is more to life than being married, the sooner we single ladies can have some peace. We will all get married at some point, but in the meantime there are other things to get on with. There are places to visit, new people to meet, promotions to fill and money to be made! So please, the next time the urge takes you to pray about my single status, kindly include my need for a bigger account balance in such prayers. Many thanks!

Photo Credit: live.drjays.com

 

 

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are https://www.canadianmeds4u.com/category/buy-antibiotics-online/ more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

334 Comments

  1. Loretta

    August 8, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    On point

    1
    • qhaycee

      August 8, 2011 at 8:20 pm

      finally a woman hits d nail on d head! Men r hunters,d smell desperados 4m a mile away. Ur time cant pass u by,but u have 2 prepared 4 it wen it meets you…

      1
    • nwosu chike

      August 30, 2011 at 4:31 pm

      women re d same too,which of u can marry a guy who is got no dame at d moment?none u c so zip ur .

      1
    • libra

      August 9, 2011 at 9:57 am

      sooooo true

    • Tiki

      August 9, 2011 at 6:44 pm

      Soooo on point it could bust a hole in Kevlar! I love the angle of this…true, the average girl wants to get married young et al., but if it aint happening, don’t sweat it. Pray hard, but don’t get desperate – concentrate that energy on things which you can change! To everything its season…

    • Toju

      August 26, 2011 at 7:30 pm

      Word! without ever thinking of it this way i actually pray more to be able to pay my rent than for a husband!

  2. tinu

    August 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    nice one!

  3. BubblyBliss

    August 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Single and proud!

  4. Onyeka

    August 8, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Well written Gloria! I

  5. Annabel

    August 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Well writen piece Glory, i really enjoyed reading it because its more like my thoughts in writing,i personally believe in love and happiness,i believe in marriage and family but i also know it isnt life itself . After all said ,i also believe strongly in divorce.

    • Consuella

      August 8, 2011 at 3:48 pm

      LOL @ I also believe strongly in divorce! That sentence has me cracking!

  6. partyrider

    August 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    #Gbam

  7. Bose

    August 8, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    This is such a wonderful piece and it echoes a lot of the stuff i’ve thought about and the decisions I’ve made concerning my life. I made the exact same decision a couple of years ago to focus on the things I could change, like my education and career, and just work on having a full and rich life regardless of my marital status. The thing that still rankles are the people who give you pitying glances and seem to have come to the conclusion that you must spend your nights crying yourself to sleep just because you happen to be over 30 and single. I just try to ignore people like that and stay away from them as much as possible.

    • Unoma

      August 15, 2011 at 8:11 pm

      Forget all those kind of people oh because if God forbid you marry a Mr Available that ain’t worth it when the trouble starts they will be sleeping peacefully in their beds while you are tossing and turning in yours.With marriage its not about” how fast” its about “how well”

    • Nicole

      November 29, 2011 at 3:00 pm

      Bose, I so love your comment, you spoke my mind.

  8. nge

    August 8, 2011 at 1:31 pm

     love dis articule keep it up.

  9. Nabzie

    August 8, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    but in the meantime there are other things to get on with. There are places to visit, new people to meet, promotions to fill and money to be made! love this quote girl!!! my BFF just sent a msg talking about how i need a boyfriend today coz she is enjoying marriage and wants me to have the same. i know she loves me and means well. but friends and family need to realize that some of us want more than just that, so we’re working on the “more” till the Lover comes. maybe that more is what will attract him sef.

    • Adesuwa

      August 8, 2011 at 7:26 pm

      I feel you so much… it is so annoying when people look at you and think there is something to fix coz you do not have a boyfriend; it is as if you have higher bank interests if you had one. I hear it from every friend who gets engaged “do not worry God would do yours…” Like Gloria i do not down play having a boyfriend or finding love i just feel after spending millions on a degree i deserve a fat account and a few steps up the career ladder, no harm done and can we just be happy doing this without some father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, auntie, uncle and yes FRIEND not pouting and begging God to brew up a knight in shining armour

    • Missy

      August 9, 2011 at 6:55 pm

      God bless you love!!! am currently dating a guy who got attracted because of the more value i added to my self while waiting….you are so on point!!!!!!…..

    • Ngozi

      April 27, 2015 at 8:28 pm

      I love the fact that Glory is actually telling single women to fill in the time before the man appears physically and not act so desperately like there is nothing else left to do. Also she said everyone will get married at some point which is good. As for me, if I am to be brutally honest. I will rather have it all because I have seen woman have it all. My grandfather is a retired Judge and grand mum a nurse. They had(both retired now) thriving careers and a great family. Grandmum was also an entrepreneur who ran her own hospital and employed doctors, also I see such happening in the life of a few women in this generation and must be counted among them before I leave the earth.Great career and great family, who says you must forfeit one for another. We all need God’s wisdom, hard work, patience, firmness, soundness, selflessness, determination etc. I don’t want to be that girl with a fat bank account and no family at the right age. I also don’t want to be that married woman with no career or business. As for me I have chosen to have it all and not settle for less, don’t want to raise children in old age. Have you seen a case where a woman gets home from work and ate immediately just because her husband who arrived earlier that day had cooked something delicious, it’s beautiful. I am not ashamed to want it all because with God all things are possible. I trust him not to give me anything less and that’s where I am standing on. Don’t want half and half. There is nothing wrong in praying for both; Great husband and great career. My life is sweeter than way

  10. Sassy Dee

    August 8, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Wow, tis is a nce piece, i think evry lady should read it….it makes serious sense…Kudos Gloria.

  11. Carfeey

    August 8, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    nice!!!

  12. Lola

    August 8, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Sad but true. Our society really defines most things in life.

  13. shola Pacheco

    August 8, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Thanks Glory!!! Love love love it….

  14. bellagurl

    August 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    I cant decide if this is actually true or ‘just something you tell yourself to feel better’. It does make sense to concentrate on other things we can control. I’m 24 and single and I’m made to feel like I’m an unwed 40 year old. My good friends in ‘fabulous’ relationships say its not my fault but i still feel its more of pity and it makes me sick to my stomach. Lesson learned: Dont give a damn anymore (Ok maybe a little less damn than I used to)

  15. Ekene Onu

    August 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Well said and well written.

  16. ify

    August 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    i see nothing wrong in praying for a good husband

    • hey

      August 9, 2011 at 11:57 am

      well said Ify!

    • Bella

      August 9, 2011 at 2:09 pm

      I see nothing wrong with that too, but if you make that the only point in your prayers ,then sorry

  17. babylawyer

    August 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    thank you Glory

  18. http://dakkylove.blogspot.com/

    August 8, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    word…to the word…to the serious word..excuse my misyarnings but this article is so true it seems like glori’s pen just jumped out of my thoughts and materialized into this article…i am a bit bummed though wanted to blog about this myself but it’s a nice piece

  19. Truth Teller

    August 8, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Glory!!! At 27 going on 28, this’s my story “There is a general misconception that every single woman is praying day and night, for a spouse. This is incorrect.” My BF wants US to get married in december while: “Personally, I find myself praying more about my career and bank account balance than I do about a potential life partner – FOR NOW (yup,and the guys hate it – some form of independence).” I don’t know why people are always under pressure to get married. I think it’s about time we ladies damned the consequences of what society determines and live for ourselves. We’ve seen how our mates, seniors and juniours have fallen prey and are weeping to leave their marriages. Marriage is a good thing when involved with the right person, so is being single and happy before saying I do. I hope that we all make the right decision even though no one’s true character’s shown except you live with the person as a spouse.

    • Excellent

      April 27, 2015 at 8:33 pm

      Besides pressure, I think love is a beautiful thing, also why burn and sin against God if you can get married. Finally you can have both career and marriage. I like the fact that you said ‘right person’ which summarizes it all. Raising children is more strength exerting when you are older. Better to raise them in the days of your youth.

  20. Kay

    August 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    well said, I couldn’t agree more!

  21. http://dakkylove.blogspot.com/

    August 8, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    @ify there is nothing wrong with praying for a good husband, so long as you allow God answer your prayer instead of searching for a husband like a hunter hunting prey, God knows your heart, therefore it is more appropriate to work on yourself and career so that when the Husband comes he comes in to meet a partner and not some dependent half crazed desperate woman who sees every man who says Hi to her as a potential husband, to be happy you have to discover who you are first.

    • aosgrl

      August 8, 2011 at 8:30 pm

      Ain’t that the truth. It is important to me so i pray about it. My i won’t put my life on pause because of that. That would mean i don’t have faith in God’s grace.

  22. yetty

    August 8, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    wooow, you nailed it!

  23. Cannime

    August 8, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    good one!

  24. sheisnice

    August 8, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    this is so so true!! i recently turned down a proposal , cos i had to be real to myself , i have alot to accomplish in life than a guy think am in a relationship cos am desperate to get married or sumtin, i need HAPPINESS , and its a pity it doesnt always come wit being married , (well for some it does) but for me , i think i have some things to accomplish before getting married … so marriage right now is on my waiting list.. MONEY making on my mind right now

    • sheisnice

      August 8, 2011 at 2:17 pm

      well it all sums up to one thing also… God makes things beautiful in His time .. so am chilling for the right time for every

  25. Bukunola

    August 8, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Nice article! I am married and I sometimes envy singletons who can arrange a weekend away without having to worry about childcare or tow children along. Singletons can focus on career easily without having to bother about Junior and his dad.

    The book of Ecclesiastes in the bible says there is a Time for everything. So while you are single, build yourself, which is also applicable to when you are married. Life is a journey with different stages which should be enjoyed. I must confess that its much easier when you are single.

    • Tee

      August 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

      I’m married as well and I definitely agree with everything you just said. we should learn to celebrate and fully enjoy every stage of life we find ourselves in. There is indeed a time for everything.

  26. Dolores

    August 8, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Glory Edozien MARRY ME! Yes, I am a girl and no, I am not gay. But you are the TRUTH walahi! I’m printing this out and framing it to show everyone!

  27. diamond

    August 8, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    well said! only the serious men would get your attention when you are occupied.

  28. http://diaryofsnw.blogspot.com/

    August 8, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Amen my sister. It is time single women start enjoying life. A friend once told me her mother told her that men are thieves, they will haunt you till the end of the world if they know you got yourself together.
    Rightly said, the world is huge, u need to do all you can do, develop your confidence, be very very happy with yourself and they will chase you like their lives depends on it.

  29. dewowo

    August 8, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    value 4 my time Glory!

  30. MissyB

    August 8, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    While I agree with the author, I still get the sense that she is saying praying for a husband is wrong. There is nothing wrong in wanting a loving relationship. Having a healthy concern about your love life is not being desperate.
    Why is it ok to pray for a career but not for a life partner that, God willing, will be with you for life? I feel that people are always trying to downplay the importance of seeking or longing for a good partner. Praying over a job or for an acceptance into a good school is not seen as desperate, yet longing for a life partner (who will be there after you have retired from your job and finished school) is painted as wrong. I just don’t get it.

    The same enthusiasm that you have for your career aspirations should also be applied to your love life. It by no means makes you desperate. You become desperate when your longing for that love prevents you from making wise decisions regarding your personal and professional life.

    • PD

      August 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

      she didt say that…..what she said was that instead of seeing every relationship u ve with the opposite sex would lead to marraige …y dont we just sit down and channel our energy into other things………than building our lives on wat the society wants us to do.we are to listen to God and wait patiently….not turning to testing testing tools at the hands of men.

    • aosgrl

      August 8, 2011 at 8:34 pm

      Uhm i really don’t think thats what she said. My overall message from this was, don’t wait for society or your marital status to define you as a person. Go ahead and keep living. Sometimes we women get so stuck on the idea of finding that man that will marry us, so much so we are willing to give up everything including our identity, our goals in live for finding that man. Even if the man is not worthy, just so we can say we married someone. She said remove that element of desperation, don’t think that every tom dick and harry that says “Hello” automatically wants to marry you.

    • hey

      August 9, 2011 at 11:59 am

      well said Missy B

    • xxx

      August 12, 2011 at 2:54 pm

      Well said Missy B…i totally agree with you, why pray desperately for money and career when the important thing (Marriage) u down play. I am not married neither do i have children but i pray constant like for a perfect husband /children….remember no matter how u pray for money, if you have all the wealth in the world and u later married to a stupid husband that doesn’t know how to manage money, that just spends and spends trust me the whole money will go (Personal experience with my aunty) also, if you have a man that frustrates u day and night, trust me u wouldn’t be able to concentrate on ur so called perfect career……..don’t forget the poor girl that was killed recently by her husband. i for one think we all need to pray day and night without season for a husband.

      Please don’t let us down play it, due to the fact that the world think we are desperate. Marriage is for life, who we marry also determines how our future will be.

      Pls prayyyyyyyyyyy. And while we wait and pray, let us work on our relation with God and ourselves (character wise)

  31. kemmy

    August 8, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    there is quote ma Godmother says anytime i tell her im looking for a husband…. she says *God forbids a bad thing*.. u wont look for husband but ur husband will look for u. well said Glory…. we the single ones would get good husbands wen the time is right, but instead of focusing on dat. focus on other things and not run yourself mad

    • Gidi'More Girl

      August 8, 2011 at 3:17 pm

      @Kemmy, God bless your godmother for those words. We ladies smetimes fail to realize that when we resort to ‘looking for a husband’, it reverses what God originally intended wooing to be…

  32. Torkwase

    August 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Truthfully, Marriage is part of the big picture. Not the entire picture in itself. And if you’re lucky, you’ll find someone who encourages you to live your dream even while married. Because another misconception is that once you get married, your life is over. I believe in striking a balance… And as always, we all have different destinies and priorities in life. Choosing one over another doesn’t mean you have it better than others.

    • zegzy

      August 15, 2011 at 8:58 pm

      Thanks for this post, the general idea that most people have is that once you are married…
      1. Life is over – your life now revolves around the man
      2. You can’t hang with you single friends anymore. I think the single friends actually want to stay away because they assume that is what you want.
      3. That you can’t strongly pursue your career dreams anymore
      4. That you should have children right away.

      I personally think one is very lucky if they find a partner that is willing to support them through all their goals and life dreams. Please stay single if you don’t have a man like that. For those looking to marry, life is good when marriage is good and life is horrible when marriage is horrible. Forget the wedding day, what counts is what happens when that day is over and reality sets in. Please pick your partners wisely.

  33. azed

    August 8, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    great article and as a guy, i wish all girls had this attitude.

  34. Naymarie

    August 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    I am so loving this.. You just bared my mind

  35. boo

    August 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Praying for a good husband is completely different from running around town looking for a man.

    Praying for a good husband is a life time prayer that should start very early but then after praying, do not cheapen yourself by running around like a desperate chicken looking for water. Focus on your being the best you can be and let God answer your prayers.

  36. Sleeky

    August 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    babe you said it all. ladies relax and God willing it will happen.

  37. http://www.myHairmyBeauty.wordpress.com

    August 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    This is Why I love Glory! Nice Article. Can you please call my MOM and talk to her? she is literally harassing me to get married and is about to start a prayer group for me.

    myHairmyBeauty.wordpress.com

    • Flo | Nigerian Recipes

      September 5, 2011 at 10:46 pm

      looooool! All mothers are this way. Don’t let it bother you so much hehehe

    • Sola

      April 28, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      Parents should be appreciated for trying their best for their children. Funnily enough, children should also pray for their parents to help lead aright. That’s one good thing God noted Abraham for, that he will lead his children to follow God. No mother wants a 10year old in elementary school, mothers want things right on time and right on point. It’s a huge blessing to be right on time in life walk, talk, go to school and get married at the right time and there is nothing wrong in praying about ‘right on time blessings’

  38. teeto

    August 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    seriously on point!!! thot i was the only 28 praying towards career and a fat bank account. it’s so bad cuz everyone wants to match me with a guy and when i end up laughing they find it strange!!!

  39. ogy

    August 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Thank u Gloria! Tell “them” pluezzz!

  40. FreeSpirit

    August 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Great article!..I just recently made the decision to stop looking and just do the things that I’ve always wanted to do.

  41. temmy

    August 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    i totally agree with you, i guess all these is cos of our tradition and morals. civilization has set in so people should learn to grow with it.

  42. PD

    August 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    its like if u were talkly directly @ me…..6months proposal expectation!…..thank u…am gonna change my attitude and put more energy towards building my career……

  43. Knight

    August 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Word!!!! Am a single guy and i can still relate.

  44. Moi

    August 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Stay true to yourself my dear! Nice one!!!

  45. TSC

    August 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Not sure about the whole ‘men will chase you to the end of the earth when you are successful’ story. Told myself that for the longest while and I am now seriously doubting that hypothesis. Most guys like low hanging fruit, needy types and types that can be controlled. Strong independent women scare them. That said I beleive there are guys who are worth being with out there and who’ll see the value in a woman who knows herself, is independent and confident – they are just pretty hard to find (especially in this Lagos!). In the mean time agree with Ms Edozien – focus on the factors within your control and enjoy your life!

  46. Me Here

    August 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Actually, I agree with the author… the only problem is that I dont actually believe her. To me it reads as though she is satisfied to ‘get on’ with her life accepting her lot as a late runner who will eventually reach the finish line too…cf “We’ll ‘all get married one day.” in other words marriage is still one of those life achievements she feels she must reach to feel complete. I am not saying this is a bad thing but really,some women have no desire to be married at all. Otherwise an interesting read! X

    • C.Y

      August 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm

      Yup, yup….like me! I have sincerely no desire to get married. I honestly think I will become very depressed if I go into marraige because I enjoy my own company more than anyone else’s. People generally speaking bore me quite easily and I don’t like talking much when I am at home. My privacy and freedom to make choices over MY life is also important to me and I feel all that will disappear once married. Besides, I don’t trust people that much.

    • Berry Feistypen

      August 8, 2011 at 5:40 pm

      Great! It’s so important to know thineself… Please never be pressured to marry until your perspective changes.

    • chichi

      August 9, 2011 at 8:56 am

      Exactly!

    • K.A

      September 9, 2011 at 1:19 pm

      Also…….pls never lead a guy on who gets into a relationship with you looking for a life partner. Let him know you never wanna get married early

    • Excellent

      April 27, 2015 at 8:47 pm

      I think it’s more convenient and stress less on the mind to give up especially for people who have had many failed relationships. But if you ever come across women who have both career and marriage, you will change your mind. Marriage has it’s own challenges but it is beautiful if you got it right and you are working harder at getting better at it. A good marriage and career won’t jump on us. I have seen blessed women who have it all and would rather be part of those. They have it good in marriage and career. Mrs Adejumo is a preacher who got her degree as a married woman, though very brilliant in school, her family struggled financially due to her brother’s illness. She has 2 boys, two girls and a grandson. Google her, why should I have just one and not another. God is able to give me both marriage and career. The article makes one feel better and more confident as a single woman while one waits which is ok. But I refuse to remain that way for a long time simply because God has blessed other women which tells me that such a life is possible under God so why won’t I ask for mine. Yes I will.

  47. Mysterioso

    August 8, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    This is so true Gloria. It makes no sense putting one’s life on hold till the man comes. I keep telling my father this but he has refused to see my point. I love this piece, it’s really encouraging.

  48. Miss J

    August 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    I noticed a lot of your post talk about relationships but this write up is the first one that i completely agree with.
    I love the quote “life itself still continues after marriage”, for me marriage is a continum of life itself, married or not life will go one.
    My second favourite quote “The same is true about marriage, one day, in a few years time, no one will care who got married first or who got married last”. That is exactly what i tell my friends. In ten years time it will not matter who married first, what will matter is who is not only still married but has a happy marriage. Lovely writting Glory.
    http://thecolourcouture.wordpress.com/

  49. Ronnie

    August 8, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    On point!

  50. Virgos Very Own

    August 8, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Loves it!

    • John Bulus

      August 9, 2011 at 1:33 pm

      Yes marriage is not the only priority in life. However, any single woman who wishes to get a spouse can pray 4 that intention not because society is imposing it on her. society must not dictate for you since u are responsible for your actions and u must be the master of ur choices in life. U can remain indifferent to societal pressures and live ur life.

  51. Gidi'More Girl

    August 8, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    well spoken, Gloria!

  52. Bimbola

    August 8, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    well said…

  53. Bolanle

    August 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Love it! good piece

  54. Trojan

    August 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    “DESPERADOS”…read this and be happy.

  55. OMG

    August 8, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    on point!!!!!!!!!!! My exact thots

  56. ify

    August 8, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    great girl. This applies to both single and married. Life doesn’t end in marriage and definitely didn’t start there. Love is a feeling to be learned if you ask me. Make your choices because you have the right reasons to do so, not because others are doing so and you are expected to do the same.

  57. julie

    August 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    God bless you Glory.You said it all.

  58. pynk

    August 8, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    good write up glory. Life is about understanding what makes you tick, and making the best of ur God given gifts and talents.

  59. MARY

    August 8, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS. THANKS GLORY FOR SPEAKING OUR MIND.

  60. Hairaytai

    August 8, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Pls,move on wit ur descision.By the time u’re 40 u’ll realize…Career Woman

    • dingdingdong!

      August 8, 2011 at 4:54 pm

      Realize what? Not every woman wants to get married. Besides, those who get married become single again (with baggage) once the man dies and you don’t need me to tell you that the average Naija man does not live long anyway. Most die before they even reach 60 years old and then the women will be left to fend for the kids all alone since society equally discriminates against widows! Lastly, when it comes to children, one can birth them biologically without having to be married while at the same time staying ontop of one’s career (Omawumi the singer who just gave birth to her baby gurl in the U.S comes to mind). Nowadays, most Naija men are not goal getters anyway and are broke like a stroke except for the ones who are into occultic practices and fraud. So, being married to one is generally speaking a MINUS and not a PLUS. So nothing dey happen! Peace!

    • ManAtHisBest

      August 8, 2011 at 6:40 pm

      I like the realness but you seem a little over the top and a little angry with Naija Men. I can guess u don’t plan on marrying one, but your culture forbids you 🙂

    • hey

      August 9, 2011 at 12:05 pm

      welll said hairaytai

  61. fokasibe

    August 8, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    I see getting married, like the days after secondary school when everyone was anxiously waiting to enter university. Some of my friends traveled immediately after the final secondary schools exams, while I waited to write JAMB. Those days, conversations were filled with who got what result, what school they got accepted into and what they were studying. Some people had to repeat various exams just to enter their preferred universities. Today, no one remembers any of that because we are all at enviable levels in our respective careers. The same is true about marriage, one day, in a few years time, no one will care who got married first or who got married last…

    This is the GBAM!!! GBOSA!! WHOA!! part of the article…I love this outlook…Bravo!!!

  62. adenike

    August 8, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    I told you,that wat u say u wana be is wat u r gonna be wiv wrte ups like this.
    Kudos dear
    *big hug*

  63. madman

    August 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Glory, you are absolutely brilliant. (gets chills all over body)

  64. Aibee

    August 8, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    I so totally agree with you. You put my thoughts on paper so perfectly. So tired of people I don’t really know being presumptious enough to offer advice on how and where to find men and to stop being ‘picky’. Psschew. I want to get married someday but till then, I shall be making the most of my time and my life.

  65. Nancy, Accra

    August 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Bless u Glory!!i actually had to print this and beg a guy in my office to read. This colleague would just not let me be when i was single in my late 20’s. he just didnt understand why i should be so opinionated about work related issues and not be concerned about being married like my mates. i refused to be pushed until i met the right person and decided he was IT! Some people just dont want to understand that, women of this generation are quite different from that of our Mothers. Some ladies genuinely dont want to be married and others are refusing to give desperation a place in their single lives. whats wrong with that? Marriage isnt every thing!!

  66. alexis

    August 8, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Hi Glory

    This is one very remarkable piece, I grew up in a polygamous home and was made to believe that the be and all of a woman is a man. But as the years went buy I saw how my father shattered my mother’s dream by going behind her back to marry another woman. It is over 24 years now it happened and my mother spent all these years bitter, unhappy and wondering what happened to her life,he made life hell for her, she for him too, for a long time it was as if they were both out to kill each other and we the children of the marraige it was hell on earth for us,she is yet to recover.

    So in essence what am trying to say is this, in the bible St Paul said that marraige is a choice and besides is not being married is a sin? I have a very close friend she has been working in a one man business enterprise for like 14 years now and she just sat there not building her self or improving her lot but waiting for a man to come marry her and give her a better life.As of last week with the recession she has not been paid 4 months salary or something like that.

    I am single and extremely talented, and just realized about 2 years ago that for God’s goodness sake this is mylife and I have only once to live it.I have decided that I will never be influnced or swayed by people’s opinion. When I was younger two men proposed to me at different time of my life one was semi literate and loaded, well he never respected the fact that I wanted to be well read and independent and always demanded I leave school any time he beckoned, I made him realise that I was not his maid or house girl, we had an argument at a time and he called me a whore. My dear, I took off and the second one was very educated, exposed and loaded but he was an out right control freak and was so narccist that he expected me to be fawning over him every time it seemed as if he wanted me to be worshipping him and he was insulting me and accusing me of sleeping with men. I just sat down turned down all these insecure narrow minded men.

    I fought very hard to come to Lagos and be independent am not scared to show my intelligence, an older woman friend advised me once to pretend to be a little bit dumb. Am never quick to give an opinion about most things but a lot of men come up to me and tell me stupid stuff and expect me to be stupid enough to believe them. Am not aggresive by nature but I will never tolerate insult or any one trying to belittle me.

    I love my life and Glory I agree wih you, romantic marraige has been one of the biggest lies of our century, so I believe any single out there should be focused, learn to build your self and don’t forget one thing. No man or woman or child will ever fill any body only Christ/God can but please have a life and get on with living it.

    If you spend the whole of the next 20 years worrying about man, man, man my sisters you have spent 20 years enduring life not emjoying it. My God I will not waste any one more second worrying about what I can’t control but actually living this life.

    I am not a desperate person by nature so a lot of these confused man men meet me and expect me to start cooking for them at a drop of a hat, or even let them sleep in my house, the truth is that I don’t know how to do desperate, period. Being independent does not mean you are not submissive but the truth is that in our society a man can treat you like shit when he knows you are solely dependent on him because by the end of the day you are just a sitting duck if you are a woman in that situation.

    And there is always a plan B.

    • Missy

      August 15, 2011 at 5:08 pm

      sweetheart nothing do u!!!…truth is we shud spend time building ourselves ladies especially…..add worth to urself and have a very healthy dose of self esteem….and u know what Alexis…u did well to turn down those two men cos a man of real worth will value ur beauty worth and intelligence and will infact marry you for it, encourage you and give you freedom to live your dreams…that the sort of man worth waiting for and pls let no one tell me they dont exist cos God got me one…yeah thats right!

  67. AJCiti

    August 8, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    I LOVE THIS! Great article. I think a big take-away is that neediness is unnatractive. No one wants a woman who is desperate to get married, men will use that to their advantage and treat you like shit. Have your own life, be happy and confident. He will come, and if he doesn’t, oh well.

    • Missy

      August 15, 2011 at 5:10 pm

      true talk!…desperation is like fear…same way dogs sniff out fear same way men sniff out desperation….neither ends well!

  68. vixen

    August 8, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Brilliant piece Glory…you took those words right out of my mouth.I believe in love as much as I do I believe there’s time for everything……am single and proud,being single @ 30 has opened my pulse to so many things,like re-discovering myself and makin myself a better person,acquiring new skills and seeing life in a different light all of these ingredients and more add up to being positive abt one’s self and also attracting the alpha male,lol.Thumbs up Glory…keep articles like this coming.Cheers

  69. Gbam!!

    August 8, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Excellent article Glory! I always look forward to reading your articles because they air my views and sentiments exactly. I don’t even know why people make so much noise about marraige especially Nigerian marraiges. Most of the married Naija women I see look horrible and stressed out. The men don’t seem to care about helping with child raising so then what is the point of getting married if the man is just going to sit there like a trophy? Another problem I see in Naija marraiges are high rates of infidelity and spousal abuse. In this day and age, its not advisable to be with someone who has no self control. AIDS is real and does not discriminate!

    • blessed

      April 27, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      I love my Nigerian man and our Jesus blessed marriage, not pretending at all. My husband found me in church and chased me, before then, he asked God since marriage is an extremely serious thing. Not every man out there is chasing a woman. I know men who didn’t even fancy women in their youth. Dr DK Olukoya, my husband would rather do business making money. Yes, there are men out there who don’t get swept away easily. When I was in college, a pretty lady asked a guy for a ride expecting the guy to drop the other girls off. That man gave her the rudest shock of her life and didn’t pick her. Two days ago, a man told me how he turned down a potential employee because she said she had a pretty face to offer, he was surprised that’s all she could bring to the table.It’s a pity a lot of women are meeting wrong pretentious men these days. When I was growing up. Church boys loved God for real with all their hearts and didn’t want to mess around with women. Respect was paramount to them, in my days, people actually asked God so many questions because we were told that God is way smarter than us so it was very common to ask God for the right man or woman,then learn how to live together in love and unity allowing the Holy Spirit to rule. Men learnt responsibly at an early age like Jewish boys. Amazingly, I’m just in my thirties and look at the mess. Sometimes I wonder why some girls meet the wrong promiscuous men. My comment is not the common type out there but I am happy to express the truth and not tell a lie.

  70. kciwaa

    August 8, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    for a moment i tot i was d one who wrote d article so factual!

  71. Otimkpu

    August 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    All the desperate women are coming out. Na lie una talk. You still need us.

    • Emeka

      April 27, 2015 at 8:52 pm

      Otimkpu. Why are you looking for trouble again.

  72. 9ja gal

    August 8, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Ha! This is SO on point, man! I know I’m quite young for this, but at 22 going on 23…People are already asking me if I have someone..u know that special someone! I’m like are you guys on cheap crack?? Like seriously? I’m still focusing on how to finish my undergrad and on to Med school..and you are here blabbing crap! Really?! My aunty is like you better start looking now, so it won’t be too late when that time comes. Sometimes, I let it get to me…since everyone of my friends are always dating someone. Oh well, I have not started dating yet..and I don’t intend to make it my priority now! Damn! There are so many things in life that need my utmost attention, for Pete’s sake! Bella, thanks for this article!

    • Busola

      August 8, 2011 at 8:30 pm

      I am also in my early twenties, and i so hate those annoying questions. I am already getting hints from people around me and i am like – i am still a freaking baby for “pete’s sake”. I don’t even get the whole concept of marriage, get shackled to a man and live in a house, have babies, then what? your whole life is surrounded and limited to your family. what is that? sometimes you are just considered as a baby machine (two kids are not enough for them) sounds like a boring routine; and then combined with all the unpleasant and scary marriage stories, divorce, cheating, domestic violence – that leaves no desire to join the bandwagon. Nigerians make it seem like marriage is the be all end all when most of them are not even happy in it. When i think of marriage all i see is restriction, stress, tolerating bull crap from one human being, annoyance sometimes regret and resentments. I will need to understand the concept, need, essence, importance of getting married cause i really don’t know. the only people that still make me believe in marriage is my parents (i think they have a wonderful relationship) and God (because God makes everything beautiful). Maybe when i am a little older, i will have a different view and perspective but as of this moment, give me a break with that!

    • 9ja gal

      August 9, 2011 at 3:33 am

      MY FEELINGS EXACTLY!!!!!!! GIRL, YOU ARE ON POINT! I don’t really get marriage for now! Maybe I will..but for now..uhmmm..NOPE!

  73. mimilavander

    August 8, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    NICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DATS ALL I CAN SAY……………………

  74. Yhemmi

    August 8, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Thanx for this post. i think most of us singles r driven by pressure from family and friends.
    Marriage is either heaven or hell. i dont see too many heavens out there, s o why rush into it? Am 28 and life has just begun for me! y will i wallow in self pity and wait for the husband, while my life wastes away? My advise is ‘live ur life’. everything happens at the appointed time. No amount of hustling will make anything quicker. Na God get everything

    • Emi

      April 27, 2015 at 8:53 pm

      You can join the few heavens

  75. Ibilola

    August 8, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Glory, i can sooo connect with this. I pray about my career all the time and i actually started feeling guilty about praying for my career instead of my husband, so i’d throw in a line or 2 at the end of my looong conversation with God about work. Thanks for freeing me o jare!

  76. taiwo

    August 8, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Love it

  77. Bachellorette

    August 8, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Glory rocks joor…..no doubt!!

  78. Nkeiruka

    August 8, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    Good stuff Gloria, you’re still in your 20s, imagine what ladies in their mid thirties face? Even the whole family have taken to an ‘occassional 30 days fasting’ :o)

  79. Notorious DSS

    August 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    I like most parts of the piece. I am a 37 year old single male and I can relate with this. I can’t understand why some people think you can’t be happy till you get married, when you hang with the guys as soon as you try to talk they tell you go get married first before speaking. I am happier and more accomplished and fulfilled than most of these guys. MOST married people are miserable and they envy you and want you to join their group. Just find out what married men/women talk about when they are together!

    • Ibe

      April 27, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      I can understand your point sha but you also need to meet happily married people. Every venture in life including a great career has its own challenges. I have met a few rich and married. Loving and admiring them.

  80. Blessing Nwobodo

    August 8, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    A friend of mine recently said, Blessing, we re all getting married, would like to see you get married soon ooooo, so we can all be happy. cool right. but then must I be married for everyone to be happy. abegi when its my time i will definetely get married, until then, no friend of mine should be more concerned about my status than me.

  81. KLODYN

    August 8, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    NICE ONE.I LOVE THIS!

  82. Hannah

    August 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    AMEN!… And nothing else needs to be added.

  83. zeenie

    August 8, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    i totally love this… well written!

  84. tblaiz

    August 8, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    love loretta’s comment i second dat! #thatisall

  85. ManAtHisBest

    August 8, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    This Article is not for Single Women..This article is for women whose focus is only on Marriage.The Vibe I get from the Article is a Young Woman whose #1 focus was marriage, but didn’t succeed in getting married at the same time didn’t succeed in accomplishing their career goals because they didn’t know how to do both/ multi-task, suddenly realizes that she has been doing it all wrong, so now marriage is not so important anymore its now “finishing graduate school, my career, focusing on building my character and other aspects of life. ” Which to me is another wrong decision a woman that wants to get married could make, just for you to realize 3-5 years down the road that your priorities were screwed. (Then another article gets written about how not to focus on Career and lose out on your Life partner 🙂 )
    I think the Article is good and its a wake up call for women to learn and focus and concentrate on how to Balance all their goals and succeed in them.

    • Kemchi

      August 8, 2011 at 7:46 pm

      Mr man I don’t know that balancing ‘husband finding’ and career goals is the issue here.
      I think the gist of d article is that in the absence of Mr right and marriage, the author figured the right thing to do would be to carry on building her career and self (things she can control) and not throw herself a pity party, and perhaps in the process her husband (something she really has no control of) would find her.
      I always say if husband matter was like grocery shopping, a lot of ladies woulda concluded that bizness a long time ago. Fortunately/unfortunately it ain’t. I don’t know any stores that sell husbands. If anyone does do not hesitate to point us in that direction 🙂
      Pretty tough to succeed in something you have no control of, and it’s one of the things Naija women really cannot control. So what do we make with the lemons we got? Make lemonade, with plenty sugar sef!

    • Ibe

      April 27, 2015 at 9:05 pm

      I will have to agree with ManAtHisBest, you can’t down play any of the 2. Multitasking is the real deal. Some people get so depressed that they don’t perform or deliver anymore. The girl that made a first class in law school years ago was married with a child. My cousin is an anesthesiologist. She told me that she thinks married people did better in her Med school. Also I am surprised people focus too much on the bad marriages, there are a few good ones out there so why can’t yours join in. Another thing, people act like they don’t have to spice up their marriages like they do at their careers. For example, studying new courses etc. Marriage is not a dead end, you gotta spice it up too and improve upon it so you can enjoy a good marriage. You can’t just sit down concentrating on career alone.

  86. Kemchi

    August 8, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    A kiss, a hug and another round of applause for Glory. Nne abeg tell them o. Keep telling them till they not only hear but comprehend! Haba!
    It is good to be married (if it is for u), but do not let d desire to become mrs/mr consume u! It is good to pray for husband too, it that is what u want.
    One must be complete and be able to bring love and several other goodies to d marriage as well. If we’re just looking to get married to mark register then wahala dey o.
    Being single is a gift and not a stigma. Even Paul said so. Let us use d gift wisely.

  87. FabulousCC

    August 8, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Just the right article i have been wishing to read. so truthful and on track, thanx Glory

  88. Leverage

    August 8, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Fantastic!

  89. BrownSugah

    August 8, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Right on point Gloria. Well written!!!! Still waiting for your reply though abi un a no want my article on BN?

  90. Ogo

    August 8, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Well said darling!! Thank you

  91. Bums

    August 8, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    *yawn*, na so sister glory yimu, im sorry but i don’t believe you..i feel like you have just written this to mask the fact that you are actually really wanting a husband, and this comment is not to throw stones at you in any way but really!!!!
    some of the things you highlighted are quite true but i cannot agree with all of them, my sister pls marry ooh, even God says you start to really live life after marriage just make sure you are marrying his choice for you.. 😉

    • John

      August 9, 2011 at 7:30 pm

      And if Glory gets married, what difference is that gonna make in your life? And don’t bring God into it because in the same bible, we are told that it is better to remain single but if you cannot abstain from fornication, then get married. Most of you are miserable in your marraiges hence you keep ushering other women into misery with you…..but as my boss always says, mind your business! Live your life as you see fit. Not everyone is cut out to be a slave AKA wife in a Nigerian man’s home.

      And this is coming from a non Nigerian male!

    • Sola

      April 28, 2015 at 4:50 pm

      I am not miserable in marriage and that’s the whole truth and not an attempt to follow the crowd or make my contribution on social network noted. I am also surrounded with good marriages. A miserable marriage should not deter a single person who truly desires to be part of this God ordained institution. If you see a miserable marriage around you, you should ask questions and choose to behave otherwise. A great marriage does not begin on the wedding day, it truly starts from your choice; Who made the choice(God, you or men), what did you do during courtship(kissing, hugging, having sex ,living in and giving each other all you should aspire for and all of a sudden you expect enthusiasm and trust in marriage). Pre marital sex changes the tune and tone. The spirit of immorality begins his journey and starts to wrought havoc such as delay in proposal, trust issues, inferiority complex, unnecessary attachment, inordinate focus on looks etc. Watch your steps all the way and be humble enough to ask important questions. After passing those stages; what are you bringing to the table; if it’s selfishness, inferiority complex, gossip, hatred, laziness, prayerlessness, lies etc. you are gonna be greatly miserable in marriage. Life is a package. Please read 7habits of highly effective people. Life is not hard work in my career but no need to work in marriage. Marriage is more than loving and being loved. Why the creator of marriage bring you two together should be major in your affairs. I love honest singles who are developing themselves. I love highly knowledgeable and mature singles who study hard about marriage before they get in there so they are more equipped than those who dived in ignorantly.

    • Mary

      April 28, 2015 at 5:10 pm

      The Bible does not encourage everyone to be single. Do you think you have been given the gift of celibacy from above? That’s not referring to people who are though single but are doing what married people are permitted by the word of God to do. Marriage is a honorable thing and the bed undefiled. If you cannot remain single, then get married. God made Adam and Eve, Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding ceremony. Apostle Paul dealt with this issue extensively in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verses 1-16 even widows were encouraged to re-marry. Not everyone has the special gift to stay unmarried but it is ok not to get married if you have the special gift. You will know it if you have it. Your own reasons for not getting married won’t be because marriages are miserable, failed relationships etc. That reason will be eternally embedded in you and no one will shake it. It’s like Mary pressurizing Jesus to get married or Jesus living beyond 33. Not possible. There was a plan and that plan having being predicted since old testament would shake heavens and earth. It will also restore the relationship between Divinity and humanity. Jesus’ steps were 100% ordered by the Holy Spirit, everything was on point including Judas. If I were single, I’ll ask God so many questions about my life, who am I, should I get married, who should I get married to. Questions lighten our world and that’s the first step in the scientific process. You don’t need to reveal it. Go into your closet and ask Who am I for real.? I want to know the truth? they told me this and that but who am I?

  92. EMEM

    August 8, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS………I THINK EVERY SINGLE LADY SHOULD READ THIS, U LITERALLY HAVE TAKEN THE WORDS FROM MY MOUTH……GOD!!!!!!!!!! GET A LIFE. 1. MARRIAGE IS NOT THE END OR PURPOSE OF GOD CREATING A WOMAN.
    2. There’s the world out there, explore….live your life to the utmost fullest. I can’t quantify the emotions inside me right now….I surely am grateful that there’s a world of Nigerian ladies having this opinion.

  93. loli

    August 8, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    One of the most refreshing articles I’ve read in a while. Single women are treated like foreign entities like its a crime. Rather be single than to be with with some bloak that not worth it. Go on ladies live your dream

  94. istidele

    August 8, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    I really enjoyed by life as a single girl and only got married before age 30 bc of my biological clock. I wanted to complete my family b4 35 and didn’t want to look like my children’s grandmother

  95. Mumbai

    August 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    Good thinking Glory!!. You make perfect sense, spot on. Especially on married friends who isolate their single pals.

  96. Biodun

    August 8, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    I’m all for women enjoying their single years, developing themselves and not making marriage the ‘be all, end all’ . What’s the point in desiring to marry Obama when you’ve not made any attempt to be Michelle? I hope you catch my drift. Unfortunately you’ll start getting the side-eye in a patriarchal, largely hypocritical and sanctimonious society like Nigeria if you’re the wrong side of 20 and still single! It’s just the way people roll in that country. Your parents’ friends subtly hint at your ‘singledom’, your mother starts putting pressure on you to bring a suitor home, you’re pressured into making a wrong choice-when what is desirable is unavailable, what is available becomes desirable. Y’all know the way that isht ends!

  97. Ogor

    August 8, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    Very well said. I dont know why im expected to ‘hurry up and get married’. Afterall, its a lifetime thing, no?

  98. nuhu

    August 8, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    u may just wake up 65 @ with 8 cats wondering where u lost the plot.
    That said, men need to be more prepared and careful, so that they dont end up being disappointments, or rich and in that case ensure your bank balance

  99. deep thinker

    August 8, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Gloria…I must commend you. Its no more society pressuring you, its now the immediate family…Its sad. I disagree with you and a lot of people commenting on fat bank accounts..that will never make you happy or fulfilled. Its perfect to have just enough to take care of your needs and basic wants..trust me I know. Half of the females commenting here deeply in their hearts yearn for men and are just being brave by saying they don’t. I agree with you gloria when you say it shouldn’t be priority..to that extent it makes total sense…. The love and drive for career is only sought after and relished by ‘sriven and ambitious’ women…what would you say to half the women who aren’t and are placidly waiting to get to the next stage of life after education -marriage. Your piece makes quite an interesting read

  100. Enuka

    August 9, 2011 at 12:22 am

    There are very few women who do no worry about marriage..I am one of the very few. I have been in relationships most of my adult life and only thought one of the many would end up in marriage. I love my singledom..I love the idea of getting to know me. I have converstions with myself(when I’m alone, no need for everyone to know I’m a nutter) and sometims my train of thought amazes me. I have the strenght of a man and the resilience of a woman, I know that I would never have attained it if I had married at an early stage. This isn’t because marriage stifles, it is simply because the society is full of “asiris/tatafos/amebos” who might pressurise a husband to do things he ordinarily wouldn’t..Kudos Glory, you echoed the thoughts of lots of women..and men..let’s put an end to the Xenophobia..

  101. A

    August 9, 2011 at 12:59 am

    Great Article! Lets keep the truth flowing!

  102. gbonju

    August 9, 2011 at 1:01 am

    You articulated my thoughts clearly and concisely….

  103. Kukute Chicago

    August 9, 2011 at 1:45 am

    Truly said but deep down within, it’s a topic that really affects unmarried women and with a society like ours.. even their immediate families would still haunt them ” when are you getting married ? ” , “you are getting old”, your younger ones are married with kids etc etc. The pressure from within the immediate family is always greater in most cases. Like the writer said, if a single lady is not confident, then she would give in and her life might now become worse off or unhappier that her initial single status. It is good to marry but not every human being would marry as painfull as it sounds, this is true.

  104. Ayo

    August 9, 2011 at 1:58 am

    Ummm… Look I’m going to say what’s on my mind. I’m in a fantastic relationship. When I say fantastic , I mean FANTASTIC! We’ve fought, “broken up”, come back etc etc but I’m the happiest I’ve been ALL MY LIFE. He drives me crazy but makes me SO happy. I blush sometimes when I think of him and when I see him and we’ve been together for a while now. So excuse me if I want my friends to experience this feeling and if I tell them that after God, he makes me the happiest. This article almost makes it seem like those of us in happy relationships are in the wrong and should hide this joy and heady feeling that we feel and not share it because our friends are single. Love is a beautiful thing please and I advise every single person of marriageable age to pray INTENSELY to find/be found by the pre-destined person. Your money/career would never have any feelings towards you. There must be a reason marriage was recommended by The Almighty Himself.

    • Bidemi

      August 18, 2011 at 1:07 pm

      I agree with you when you say, love is a beautiful thing, but marriage should not be forced on anyone. Besides, I believe Gloria’s point is that single women should enjoy life and focus on their dreams, until Mr. right comes. Afterall, when Christ returns, he will not first take up the married ones to heaven and then, decide whether the single ones are worthy enough to be in heaven. Love and marriage is great, but being single is also great, if you focus on the right things.

    • Missy

      August 29, 2011 at 5:43 pm

      thanks for being honest Ayo…..i’m in the same place you are….this article doesn’t make me feel in the wrong cos i know the one God sent into my life is right for me and it was at the appointed time so….anyone advocating focusing on career cos there’s no man is on their own….why not do an honest realistic article on praying for a husband while pursuing our careers….cos one cant find true love doesn’t make love a crime…..abeg….if half the ladies here were married the comments would be diff….so spare us that are not in the career only mode….when u have a good thing its natural to pray for others close to u to have same….well….we can go on deceiving ourselves cos we dont want to appear needy…but i know if u go down on ur knees and humbly ask God to order ur footsteps into ur Boaz territory He’ll gladly do it for u rather than go on ranting about being fulfilled single, when u are 50 and have travelled round the world, slept in all the restaurants, collected all the souvenirs and fought all the human right causes, i hope we’ll still be fulfilled… when the God of creation said it is not good that man shud be alone…na una sabi…me i want a career, husband and kids period!!!!…and yes i’m focusing on getting all three no crime in that!!!so help me God.

  105. amber rose

    August 9, 2011 at 2:21 am

    as in, i love it. absolutely love it. im busy making money, continuing my education, upgrading my life, starting a business. im a multi tasker so when he comes along, i just continue from where that list stopped. no woman prayed in d bible for a husband.(2 d best of my knowledge) i no go start am joor. gloria, well done wit dis write up. ladies, read and b wise. live the very best of ur life. dont dull, visiting aladuras, imams, alfas, tb joshua, all in d name of husband. he will come when and if he comes.

  106. Obi

    August 9, 2011 at 3:44 am

    Marriage is a good thing as has already been said but its not a bed of roses and we ladies need to stop believing the age old fallacy of “age is no longer on your side” … SAYS WHO? Then once married they start all over again “when will you have kids” PLEASE!!! These are the same ignorant mindsets that got some of our parents into difficult situations and part of the cause of some broken families. God determines when the time is right for me. Whats all the fuss?

  107. Busayo

    August 9, 2011 at 3:46 am

    Thank you for this great article, just returned from nigeria and was so surprised that I wasn’t harrassed by the usual…where is your husband questions. Although I was sure its cause they have given up. I love Nigerian culture but the fact that if you are a single woman over 30 essestially you are considered a non-entity is incredibly irritating. And also half of the marriages i see don’t seem like anything i would want to be a part of.

  108. Kay

    August 9, 2011 at 5:35 am

    Love love love it! All judgemental pastors, family members and married women need to read this and back off!!!!!!! Though I would advice that if a woman would like to have kids, she should aim to be married by 40 cuz after 40, it becomes more difficult. (Happily married to a wonderful guy and was happily single when I was).

  109. Myne Whitman

    August 9, 2011 at 6:30 am

    Great article, and there are some really good comments too.

  110. pearl

    August 9, 2011 at 7:18 am

    i agree with u and u ve really give me a reason to move on with my and enjoyed it very well

  111. Temi

    August 9, 2011 at 7:28 am

    This is so hilarious, i wrote something about this on my blog too, but my own has a little twist to it, you can read about it: http://theimageofmyheart.blogspot.com/2011/06/signs-and-symptoms-of-marriage_16.html
    Thanks for this though, i really enjoyed reading it. I wish i can send it to my MUM… LOL

  112. bissy

    August 9, 2011 at 7:34 am

    whats most important is happiness, marraige itself wont make u happy! dats a personal decision…. if u are single and unhappy, gettin married wont solve that problem for u… i totall love this article!!!

  113. Dith

    August 9, 2011 at 8:02 am

    Love this post!

  114. Mercy

    August 9, 2011 at 8:24 am

    True, oh! so true Gloria. Thanks a great deal…

  115. seyi

    August 9, 2011 at 8:25 am

    well gloria is rite but dint let us be encapsulated wiv the stori and forget the advantage og getting hook p early i loife. nice article dou

  116. chichi

    August 9, 2011 at 8:52 am

    Gbam Gbammer Gbamest!!!

  117. oluwatosin

    August 9, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Miss Glory,pls tell dem ooh!am 22 n my girlfriends re already talkin abt marriage as if its a do or die affair.they even went as far as saying its cuz nobody around me is married yet,dats d reason I feel its nt a big deal.I am so in love wif ur article!

  118. Nomy

    August 9, 2011 at 9:49 am

    My Aunt once told me i was becoming a lose girl because i was not married, did not have a steady boyfriend but i was travelling a lot on official assignments and working late. For her, it did not mean that i was devoting myself to a part of my life i had control over, it just meant that i was becoming an Abuja big girl and messing around with my bosses. We made up after the fight that ensued after the discussion, but deep down somewhere, i may never forgive her!

  119. yetunde

    August 9, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Goooosh am I soooooooooooooooooooooooo PROUD of you, God bless you really good and you will definitely fulfill purpose. Lovely article, a blessing and an eye opener to us all (ladies). Thanks again

  120. aLittleHumor

    August 9, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Career or no career, whenever marriage calls, answer o but plssssss marrry your FRIEND!!!! the man who can tickle you outside in the presence of everybody without a care in the world!! the man who makes u throw ur head back and laughhhhhhh!! the man who would NEVER hit u! (and yes u can tell from the beginingm just dont lie to urself!)

  121. MISSDEEE

    August 9, 2011 at 10:38 am

    nyc1 msGloria!!! i totally agree with u!! Ryt nw,let ma life begin is all i can say!!!!

  122. ifeoma nnamani

    August 9, 2011 at 10:56 am

    i luv your courage in life. “yes, there is indeed more to life than bing marred”. thx.

  123. bebe

    August 9, 2011 at 11:27 am

    on point Glory….. just the confidence single lady needs!!

  124. Duchess L

    August 9, 2011 at 11:34 am

    On point!! There’s more 2 lyf dan jst fillin d earth with empty thoughts of marriage.. A fat account and a good job are paramount thoughts

  125. CHubby cheeks

    August 9, 2011 at 11:34 am

    You spoke my mind…..marriage is no means to an end like most ladies make it seem…Wedding pictures is the intimidating trend on my FB page but HELL>>>>I dont care. There is more I can achieve until marriage come…dts it it comes.

  126. sclasy

    August 9, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    glory -pointed piece ……mi love 2 explore, of cos we al kno der are lots 2 b…..most married women 2day wish 2 b single hot wealthy ladies……

  127. hey

    August 9, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Welll personally,i feel a lot of you are just talking to make yourselves feel better,search the inner most part of your heart and you will realise your just in denial….While trying to find yourself and make all the money in the world and praying to God for more financial growth,there is nothing wrong in adding that little prayer for God to give you a good spouse and that does not make you desperate…..it totally depends on your personality,while praying to God for wealth and a husband/wife you can still do other things with your life,TRUST ME…i dont think any of you here wants to die single,after accumulating all the wealth and travelling to all the countries of the world and probably even out of space as well,you will still go back to your lonely homes and there will STILL be something missing.
    So my advise,while praying for wealth,and touring the world and growing in your careers,you can still ask God for someone to share your life with,because that is what God wants for all of us,a man for every woman,a woman for every man…Thank you

  128. Jay

    August 9, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Thank you Gloria, you just shared my deepest thots! ” We will all get married at some point, but in the meantime there are other things to get on with. There are places to visit, new people to meet, promotions to fill and money to be made!” #Gbam. And for the money part, I can’t agree any less 🙂

  129. :)

    August 9, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    @ Me Here, you read my mind. This article still supports the Nigerian psyche that marriage is the start all and end all. I have spent most of my life seeking self improvement, and when I have lost myself in a man, marriage was never the reason. I only wanted to get married once becuase I was dating a guy I could see myself spending my life with not because I wanted marriage. I like having partners in everything but it is my feelings for that particular person that makes me give my partnerships societal labels. My best self and total hapiness are so important to me and being able to give light to those already around me is just as important. Marriage is not a goal neither should any kind of partnership be, like the kind of friends you want to have, it should be a natural thing and a natural destination and till your life takes you on that journey, you should go on journeys you can control and that your being is naturally inclined to and if you are a lover that wants togetherness go for it, but if you are a person seeking to enjoy life for what it is, do so… There is that strong possibility that marriage is not for everyone.

  130. Mon1881

    August 9, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    let me point out that not everyone gets married in life,we actually have ladies that are 60yrs plus and still single

  131. God

    August 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    I have never seen myself as the marrying kind. I foresaw an awesome career and the adoption of two beautiful babies- from the age of 11! Now when I think of all the stress from extended relatives (never my parents), pity looks from pals etc, I get exasperated and wander, would it not be easier to get married? My last relationship sucked. I am 19 atm, We were 17 and he said he saw us together FOREVER!!!! Worst words ever. I destroyed the relationship from then on. Sometimes I think that it would be nice to have a buddy to snuggle unto forever but then I think of sharing my bed when there is barely enough space for my 5ft10 albeit skinny frame FOREVER! I think of having to cook for someone FOREVER! I think of all these factors and I’m like, Mehn… later

  132. :)

    August 9, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    3 words Eat, Pray, Love… Inner peace first before anything else…

  133. Ify

    August 9, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    I think its wonderful when young women can take control of their lives, and not allow society demands to rule your lives. Every woman is different: some want to marry today, some want to focus on career e.t.c. Career and marriage are both equally important. If you decide that your career should be your focus, then work hard, and stay focused on it. If you feel marriage should be your focus, then pray hard, and position yourself correctly (I don’t mean go to every shindig or wedding you hear about even if you don’t know the celebrants). I personally think they are both important so I choose to take control of both situations, I pray daily on my career, financial situation and that a great man will find me. I pray that God uses my life to exemplify the true meaning of what being favored is.

  134. Oreo_512

    August 9, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Um, I always visit this site (looove the comments by the way, they’re always hilarious) but never felt the urge to post my 2cents … until today.

    WORD! Have we said it enough, yet? WOORRRRDDDD!!!!! 160+ comments to this post must mean you’re echoing the thoughts of very many single, unmarried & yet-trying-to-make-the-most-of-themselves naija chicks.

    Just yesterday got a call from a long-time friend of mine who lives in Nigeria and she said she had “a guy” for me. I laughed it off but she insisted that she was going to give him my number. I mildly asked her to please not do that & then she said okay, she’ll give him my email address instead. I very firmly asked her to please not do that either and then she asked me what my problem was. When I was trying to explain to her that I cannot get even fathom the begining of a phantom relationship with someone who lives on a different continent, it became clear to her that I wasnt interested. The next thing she said to me is “It’s like you’re not serious”. I then sarcastically asked whether the plan is for me to make the man my husband and then pack my belongings from the UK, quit my job and move to Nigeria for the sake of marriage and she honestly didnt see anything wrong with that.

    ?????!!!!! I gave up after that but thank you, so much, for saying what I’m tired of trying to explain to married friends who choose to make me their charity case. And should I start on those aunts who want you to meet some 50yr old divorced man because you’re a spinster over 30 and they feel immense pity about your situation? Should I? Argghhhh!!!!!!!!!!

  135. God'sChild

    August 9, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    I am soooo happy reading this.gloria,we r very alike!i work late and travel a lot too.i am 28 and really dont care any more…Thank u 4 the word”NO WOMAN in the Bible prayed 4 a husband”.This is gona ring in my head now and always.2 every single reading this blog,enjy ths time doing thangs,having fun and makin money+most of all,lookin good.May God bless us all with the flesh of our flesh and the bone of our bone in due season.Amen!

  136. b. Bottoms

    August 9, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    Bull’s Eye! Some dude told me that life without marriage is “unfulfilled” and i couldn’t help but wonder where he got that from. He went further to backup his point with some scriptural quotes one of which was “a man would leave his parents and cling to his wife and both of them would become one”, he said that if God knew that one can be “complete” alone, he wouldn’t have created Eve for Adam. All i can really say is…..Thank you for this…..to think that it was only yesterday that i had this argument

  137. Adelegirl

    August 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Fantastic piece Glory! I can totally relate especially the part praying more about your bank balance and career than about getting married. I thought I was the only one who did that. I clocked 30 this year and I tell people I’m still in recovery from a 9 year relationship that went bad. That usually shuts them up when they go on about not yet being married. Most of my friends are married. Unfortunately, I can’t say that they are all happily married. One is considering walking out of her marriage after less than 3yrs of married life with kids to boot?! So, I wonder what the fuss is about getting married. I know that the right man will come along in due time but do I sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for him? NO! I’m living my life and enjoying it… To be honest, the times I think – I wish I had a husband, are when I’m broke or faced with huge bills. My married friend has however disabused me of the notion that being married will solve my financial issues. So, please stop looking at my ringless finger as if it is diseased!

  138. deema

    August 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    word #gbam#

  139. KayKAY

    August 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Thank you Gloria for speaking the hearts of many!! Need I say more? NO.

  140. Phoenix

    August 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Gloria, i am so loving u right now and would love to meet you (a girl after my own heart). My sentiments exactly. You are so on point. I feel like sucker punching people that say such prayers for me but like you said, Married ladies please pray for my increased bank balance and promotion i need to go to Thailand in October and buy more shoes. lol.

    Great job girl, you tell ’em.

  141. Godlovesme4me

    August 9, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Ok, so I read this article yesterday and totally love the last couple statements made. Gloria, u definitely the …ish thing going on right now. I look forward to reading ur articles cos they always make lotta sense. I just recently broke off an engagement too and mehn am I glad that I did…otherwise oju mi ko ba rin ma bo if I’d gone into marriage with the guy. Right now, this young lady wants to live her single life in the fullness of God’s presence and enjoy every moment of each day. Life’s too short to dull is what I’ve recently been telling myself and honestly no man can show me a good time as much as I can show myself. So I’m living my life jor…ofcourse also using the time to build the character of Christ in me and also make some kudi in the process…very pataki jare. When he comes around he comes and now I know better than ever before how to handle men’s situation when that happens…but I aint waiting in desperation to jump at the toms, dicks, and harrys that come around. I’m wiser than ever now becos these pretty eyes have seen ‘nkan’ but I know aal izz well and His timing is what matters most. Gloria you are a great writer and the very thing at BN. Stay focused and may God continue to uplift u in all areas. Cheers!!

  142. Lola X

    August 9, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Such a fantastic writer! Great read!

    Lola x, London
    http://lola-x.blogspot.com

  143. BossLady

    August 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Absolutely beautiful piece…i loved it, and the comments have been good. I can totally relate to this piece, but the sad thing in my case is the gbeborun aunties dats wont let me be, my own folks aint stressing me. Right now busy prayin for a bigger bank balance and been on top of my game.

  144. Paparazzi

    August 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Nice One Glory!!! Like being single has become a crime. I am so with you o this

  145. Ebere

    August 9, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Marriage is part of life and not life itself. Good and well thought out piece you have here Glory. Bravo!

  146. nola

    August 9, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    i am certainly one who tilts towards the argument that one should not be swayed by societal pressure to marry, but there is also a time for everything( even the bible says so). On that note when you realise you are getting to a certain age, perharps it pays that you should pray about it. cos in as much as marriage does not complete a woman, neither does loneliness. My advice ;be prayerful and career oriented. You must have a balanced life and try to get that radar that detects the unserious guys…Girls, there is no such thing as an independent woman ask Beyonce( who tricked us once) U dont want to be successful and be 37 and find out that all ur option is is dating a married man( even worse).I have many cousins and trust me they’d just hiss on reading this piece, cos they ve the money but need the company. its human natre, it forms part of our own construct. So truthfully lets be realistic, its really best when we have it all.. Till them keep praying hard and working hard.

  147. Dr Dee

    August 9, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    Brilliant piece Gloria. I pray a lot of presurised spinsters wil learn from this. However I dont agree with you when you say “every woman will get married eventually”. That is just not possible. Some people (both male and female) will never get married in their lifetime and that is the plain truth. What we should pray for is to fulfil God’s destiny for our lives!

  148. fairgirl

    August 9, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Hmmm,gloria well said….Recntly ma kid sis bf propsd †̥ ha,n she came teling moi hw much she wil like moi †̥ gt maried b4 ha,dt plans were alredy on ground as d guys family cud no longer wait.,dt she hoped it was k by moi….well…very totful of ma kid sis.i sincerely aprciate ha concern…n ofcos d wedin tuk ples wt moi as ha maid of honour…bt belief moi….M happy 4 ha.Marriage į̸̸̨Ƨ̷ gud…i want †̥ b maried,but nt cos evrybody į̸̸̨Ƨ̷ gettin maried n tym į̸̸̨Ƨ̷ no longa on our side cos we r ladies…
    Minwile who eva sed its wrng 4 a lady †̥ propose †̥ a guy she realy luvs?does it shw desperatn?
    Shd a lady jus w8t 4 mr ryt †̥ com propose.,@ Gloria N everybody iπ d house, wil like †̥ur opinion…

  149. TawaB

    August 9, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Well written!

  150. Paul

    August 9, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    My dear Ladies,

    Lemme start by saying the will of God for you and I is to have all round peace and success ( 3John 2). Therefore if we have success in one area and deficient in another area, it demands prayer.

    2. We need to know that what is good requires prayer in order for it to be perfect and what is bad needs prayer in order for it to be good. Therefore praying about something good and wonderful like marriage does not make you desperate.

    3. Progress and advancement should be a constant thing, whether we are single or married, therefore one shouldn’t be at the detriment of the other. Waiting on the Lord for a partner shouldn’t hinder us from working on ourselves but when we focus on one area and neglect the other, its uncalled for.

    4. As a psychologist and a counselor, i have come to realize that most people who don’t desire marriage got to that state cos of the experiences their mum had with the dad, what they suffered in the hands of boyfriends and girlfriends, stories from people and what they see around them(divorce and failed marriages). This has killed their tendency to love or stay with a man.

    5. We need to know that since we are xtians, we have a new life in God and what our parents suffered is not our portion. A thousand may fall to our side but it wont come near us. Every one’s marriage may fail but mine cannot fail bcos that is what God says about me and i will do everything in my capacity to make it work by loving my wife(cos am a man), treating her well as someone who has conscience and one who fears God.

    6. Marraige is honourable and sweet. A man shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousand cos the way God formed us is that we should be helpmates and help each other reach our destiny. Come to think of it, can a single tree make a forest? If you desire it, claim it, declare it and pray for it and it shall be to you according to your faith irrespective of the experiences you have had in time past.

    7. Don’t give in to anyone cos of pressure, your own time will come. Even if your time has passed, God will grant you speed and make 1year 10years for you. Stay focussed, lay your hands on whatever you can, position yourself for God’s blessing and keep connected to God.

    8. I urge you also to work on yourself. When we are right, we will attract the right sets of people. Many are actually waiting for Mr/mrs Perfect but perfection may exist in the dictionary not in reality. Some of us have got very high standards that can only be met when we get to heaven. Lets be selfless, tolerating, accommodating, don’t look down on anyone, not too materialistic, kind-hearted and show some care in the affairs of others too.

    9. Iron sharpeneth iron. I believe in my words(sure you do too) whatever i confess and say is what will happen to me. Rather than complaining, being depressed or finding consolation, we can do the right thing-PRAY. I have a passion for this and created an account on twitter and mail address where we can meet to pray. The page is not meant for criticism or sharing experiences but only for encouragement and prayers.

    10. The twitter account is (single2married) and yahoo mail address [email protected]

    11.Cheers.

  151. Gold

    August 9, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    I like your views because you are telling the truth although I am a single man who is 30+ and has never had a girlfriend or affair with any woman ,I personally take a day at a time to achieve my best with time,someday if it is in the will of God I will surely get married but between now and then I must sort myself out career wise, happiness, wise and accomplishment wise.One has to be happy and in order to help ones soulmate.In Gods time all things are made beautiful.

  152. toni

    August 10, 2011 at 3:20 am

    this is so on point and she is real too so once again to “Me here” you can kill yourself because she is neither pretending nor has she accepted that she is a late runner..runner??? running where??? mschew

  153. Skii Zann

    August 10, 2011 at 5:53 am

    couldn’t have said it better myself – American loving 9ja

  154. Beevvyy

    August 10, 2011 at 9:33 am

    lovely piece Gloria, thank you for reminding alot of people that in a few years time, it wont be about who got married first or last. its gonna be who is “happily married”.
    most people rush into it just for the sake of being in that social status.
    singles ladies HEADS UP!

  155. Nan

    August 10, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Amen!

  156. SlipperySlide

    August 10, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Thanks for the article Glory. Soo on point. My 25 year old friend told me she couldn’t wait for her life to start cos she wasnt married! Our lives start once we’re born. I personally don’t need a husband to jumpstart my life. My life is here and now. I really don’t think I’ll be unhappy and lonely at 50 if I don’t have a family of my own at that age. There’s so much to do and so much to see. Society should back off and allow women to live their lives to the fullest and be the best they can possibly be. We single women (esp over 30) are tired of the constant hounding and pitying looks we get all the time from ‘concerned’ friends and family! There’s nothing wrong if I like to party have a fat bank account, drive a fab car and i’m fighting for that juicy promotion in the office and i’m still not married. I deserve a full life abeg! When marraige comes I will get married and if it doesnt happen fine! I’ll go t my grave knowing I had a happy life. No one has the right to tell me what would make my life more fulfilling cos they aren’t me!

    Enough of my personally venting jare *drops the mic and flees the spotlight*

  157. SlipperySlide

    August 10, 2011 at 11:06 am

    sorry for my typos
    *giggles*

  158. igbofille

    August 10, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Any lady who still cries out in the night simply because someone made some nasty comments about her single hood has a lot more personality haulage to do. If you must do that, do it because you want to, not because people insulted you. I wish many ladies will read and believe this article. There are so many positive things to be done as a single which a married persons can never do. I cant remember the last time I brooded over the fact that I am single even though people say some nasty things I dont really care. I am having the time of my life by improving on my education/career and traveling till Mr. Right comes along. I also noticed it is very difficult to find an old woman who never got married in her life time. Everyone has her own time to get married.

  159. igbofille

    August 10, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    *married persons* not a married persons, sorry for the slip.

  160. olasumbo

    August 10, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Ȋ̝̊̅ wish our parents Α̲̅πϑ other married friends see it this way. Nice piece

  161. Naveah

    August 10, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Great article! Joel Osteen said “bloom where you are planted” and I truly hold to that belief as well. When you are single, use that opportunity to be true to yourself, to honor who God has made you to be and to know yourself in a very deep way…use that time to build your bullshit detector because when you finally meet that person, you will have a clearer sense of what you will allow or not allow into your life. Some women use dating as a way to distract themselves from the inner work/turmoil they need to face. I did not get married until I was 35, when I look back at those I had dated, I wonder at times what in the world I had been thinking and to think that I gave so much of myself and my emotions away to people undeserving of me but those were growing pains and life lessons that helped me when I met my husband. I had taken three years off after my last disasterous relationship to focus on me and when I was not looking is when God brought my husband to me. I couldn’t have made a better match for myself had I been able to go into a factory and fashioned him by hand myself. God’s time is the best, it’s cliche but true.

    I wouldn’t go back to being single for a million dollars, I don’t miss it. I enjoy being married, I love being cocooned in love, security and comfort. If we need to get away, we use the resources around us, being married doesn’t mean life/fun is over for the next 18 years, it just means planning better and using the resources in our lives to make it easier to maneuver.

  162. Atoke

    August 10, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Arrgghhhhh it’s “GLORY” not “GLORIA”

    *sigh*

    Yes I just had to get it out of my system.

    Lol

  163. EniOfTheCloset

    August 10, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    I love love love this article….! Lovely piece

  164. Josiah John

    August 10, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Perfectly written and heart expression, but something still missing…..I like the idea and its good, yet i feel something is missing? And this brings my question…….

  165. Hills

    August 10, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    Naveah, i wish i could hug you.

  166. Ruthina

    August 10, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Lovely piece. Inspirirng

  167. Mosunmola

    August 10, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    soooooooo correct!

  168. Sandra

    August 10, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Da problem wiv dis generation is dat many are educated but still illiterate. People like 2b brainwashed. They accept things as they are said and fail 2 luk at the other side of it. For all of you saying good job and good piece, l took my time to analyze the article and see some of the quotes from the article. ***This is not an attempt to attack the personality of the writer in any way please, but just to show you the other side of this article. What applies to Taiwo may not apply to Kehinde. The truth is a very bitter thing to say****

    “But I have come to the realization that marriage is a part of life and not life itself. I came to this realization a few years ago. Then I was, 27, single and heart broken over another failed relationship when the thought hit me. “Glory, what if God, has decided that you won’t get married for another 5 years?”

    She came to this point of view because she was heart broken.

    “Are you really going to spend the next 5 years of your life, throwing pity parties and wondering if the next guy, who says ‘hello’ is the one? ”

    This statement means she once desired it and did all she could but wasn’t producing a desirable result.

    “There and then I made my decision to focus on things that were within my control”

    Meaning having a good relationship was beyond what she could handle so she settled for another option. You better don’t settle for anything in your life.

    “I no longer wonder if the guy I met last week Saturday, is going propose in 6 months. I don’t spend my free time idly browsing through wedding dresses”

    She used to wonder or think the guy she met was the right one. She desired it and wanted it

    “After 30minutes of speaking with him, she left without discussing her problem. Why? Because the pastor had decided the bigger issue, was her unmarried status and began to pray about that instead”

    Humans are made and fashioned biologically that they need the company of the other sex when they attain a certain age. God knew what He was doing when He said it is not good for man to be alone.

    “Recently, a guy who I had decided not to date told me he didn’t understand my reason for being unnecessarily picky”

    The guy knew she was unnecessarily picky because he had seen it before saying it and many ladies are picky that is why they are still single

    “The same is true about marriage, one day, in a few years time, no one will care who got married first or who got married last”

    When your friend’s children have graduated from school and have started taking care of their parents and you are still toiling to pay your children’s primary school fees at old age that is when you will know that there is time for everything and early marriage is the best.

    “We will all get married at some point, but in the meantime there are other things to get on with.”

    This is a fallacy. At some point in your life, you can never get married again except if you want to be the second wife of another married man who is in his old age.

    “So please, the next time the urge takes you to pray about my single status, kindly include my need for a bigger account balance in such prayers.”

    A woman was just like this was very wealthy and trained the children of other people. When she died, none of the people she trained came for her burial, they all gave excuses. Her corpse was lying fallow with no one to take care of her. All the money she made, her career and big account balance couldn’t bury her.

    You don’t even know the personality of the person writing- As adults, I put this to you, have you ever thought of being emotionally satisfied? Having sex with your partner? Sharing love with your partner? Don’t you know there are some people who have decided not to get married but get emotional satisfaction from outside. If you desire it, it must be in marriage not someone coming to service you when you are horny.

    If you like, let someone live your life for you. Live after the dictates/ideology of another person when you have your own life to live.

    ***Just been critical not an attack on the personality of the writer please***

    • Let's see........

      August 10, 2011 at 11:48 pm

      All this epistle may not be necessary in my opinion. The bottom line of Glory’s article is live and let live. Some women want to get married and some don’t. God’s time is the best for those who do want to get married and if it’s part of God’s plan for them to do so. Some women were sexually abused as children (especially in that pedophillia infested country we call Nigeria were everything get’s swept under the rug) and are too traumatized to have an enjoyable sex life with the opposite sex/gender that you oh so preach about. Other women went through hell because they came from broken and/or abusive homes and hence are not willing to take that risk called marraige in this day and age when several Nigerian men do not stay faithful to their wives or butcher them up like nama/cattle/goat both at home and abroad. I know of several woman who raised other people’s children and those children love those women like they were their own mothers and did not abandon them. I equally know of married women who birthed kids and those kids have grown up and become their worse nightmare! Everything is by the grace of God. One can get married and the spouse can die before one get’s to age 60. One can birth kids and they can get killed by accidents, traibal or religious conflict, an abusive spouse or what have you. Life is unpredictable so we should be prayerful. Nothing in life is guranteed…and that includes neither marraige nor the birth of one’s children. Lastly, bad things including tragedies happen to both good and bad people. Though we may say that it is not our portion, nowhere does the bible say we will have no tragedies or heartache in this life. We are however promised that we will be given the grace of God to get through it all.
      My 2 cents. Shalom!

    • Oreo_512

      August 11, 2011 at 1:38 pm

      Soooooo…. you would have told Sarah that there’s a certain age in which she can have children and after that she should just forgerrabourrit, abi? And look how God used her to produce a mighty nation.

      Please dont spout the same washed up argument that I keep hearing married women make (some of that was also addressed in Glory’s article, wouldnt you know). There were just as many holes in your so-called critique but I can’t be arsed unraveling that entire epistle. *Sigh*

    • Toriola

      August 13, 2011 at 5:28 am

      i am perturbed by your ignorance. the concept, for the umpteenth time, is to “live and let live”. you found love, good for you. go and marry and enjoy it. others who don’t find it can enjoy other things abi must they be miserable cos u found love and they don’t? unless my happiness is tied to yours, then i can find other means to enjoy life although your own enoyment oozes from your marriage.

      Nigerias are so narrow-minded and a bunch of hypocrites…when your “married” aunty is 45, childless, you maintain faith that God will do it for her right? and the God that answered sarah will answer her. But when it comes to your single 35 year old friends, you condemn them and bully them so much with useless advise such as ” go and freeze your eggs o, old mama goose”. faith is faith…the same way u have faith for ur barren relatives, have faith for your single friends and stop haboring ill-wishes on your friends who don’t seem to be that bothered about getting married. mscheeewwwwwwww! Nonsense and ingredients

    • gbonju

      August 13, 2011 at 6:23 pm

      @Sandra & Jackie, THE POINT of this article is to build yourself and exert your energy into positive things while waiting for Mr.right. Abi, are we reading the same article?
      You both have to point me to parts in the article where she said marriage is bad and women shouldn’t get marriage?

      So in your opinion what should a single woman do? Go on a man hunt, beat her self up over her single status, propose to the next guy that says hi to her…really pls, pray do tell…what is she suppose to do?Cos, i honestly, dont get what you guys are on about

  169. Uchechi

    August 10, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Gloria you are right on my street, good points raised, well done!
    @paul i’m hitting you on twitter and to all others who have commented, your views have enlightened me richly..high five!

  170. Nokal

    August 10, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Amazing piece. I remember last year, i was desperate to get into a relationship and tried i could to have one and every step that i took ended me the wrong way, either the guy would be interested for a week or so and later on, goes on a silent vacation(no calls)….i got tired and i made up my mind to worry more about me than a relationship. I got working on my career and how much i can save and how many properties i can buy and build, i found myself praying more for a better job than a man in my life. And even when a man got interested in being with me, i told him up front, i am not your typical girl who wants to settle down as soon as possible,Am not the kind of woman to follow men and be desperate…Its been a year now and we are still together.As the writer says, learn to love being single and when the right guy comes along, you will feel it.Don’t be in a hurry and worry yourself sick over the guy you had a chat with at the gym—-is he the one?You will be all thin and miserable…live your life and make something for yourself. When you start to think more about you, the men appreciate it too!!!

  171. Deee

    August 10, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    Dear Glory, I absolutely love you! Sometimes I feel like you’re in my head. Its uncanny how you put into writing my exact thoughts. Don’t know how many times I’ve told peeps that i’ve decided to focus and pour my energy into the things that are within my control. The fact that I’m so calm gets on everybodies nerves. Thank you for writing this lovely piece.

  172. Greg

    August 10, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Ladies, y’all dont know the half! Even we guys r hounded day and night by ppl who tink the knw wat’s best 4 us!
    Am 30, an ITpreneur and doing well. And all ppl can see is the fact that am single! How’s tht 4 selective vision? LOL!
    A 5mins chat wiv anyone and they wanna know who the “lucky gal” is or wen i dey announce “date”. Terribly annoying.

  173. Mary

    August 10, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Married people are looking for a way out

    • Yup!

      August 11, 2011 at 12:09 am

      I know right? I agree with you 100%. That is why many of them are here foaming in the mouth because they are stuck in unhealthy, abusive realtionships that they wish they can get out of but can’t because they are scared of what people will say. So they chanel their energy towards single women living their lives peacefully with no in-law wahala, no pressure to birth male children, no accusations of killing their husband if the man should kick bucket before the wife, and the freedom to make healthy decisions over their own lives without restrictions from the almighty husband. Who are married people fooling? Tomorrow now, we will here another story of a Naija man who has butchered his wife for whatever reason. Abeg Nigerians carry go!

    • ayemko

      March 26, 2013 at 10:18 am

      no they are not we are enjoying being married

  174. jackie

    August 10, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    she makes some points though it must be said that if you turn the essay around, it seems a bit dishonest. It would seem that although she believes in marriage {which is a good thing}, she sounds frustrated that it hasn’t happened for her YET – [‘YET’ being the operative word that echo’s throughout her essay]. it reads as if for her, not being married is a disease or condition which she has to manage with a positive attitude! -see where she talks about ‘accepting being single’. She also talks as if she is most interested in her career and money, but this is all a coverup for how she really feels. I argue very strongly that she has her mind firmly on the bottom line {for both men and women alike} – MARRIAGE! The carrer talk is a decoy … see where says: ‘instead of constantly concentrating on what’s missing…’ – oh so theres something missing? I thought you had your eye on the bank balance? – I dont think so!!! The underlying message in this essay I would argue is the same as a lot of women’s disposition on this topic, which is that she cant wait…she wants it… bad{ if she’s 30 and above… I bet she weeps buckets at night, in her private and quite consciousness{which is her ‘actual self’} , then comes out in the morning with her second personality {her essay writing sacha fierce ‘social self’} navigating her mind from marriage thoughts Again where she says: ‘it’s no wonder some single women find life frustrating..’ i think she is talking about herself. In psychology its called ‘reflexivity’. Also where she talks about her friend who goes to see the pastor, i strongly suspect that she is talking about herself again. she has to come out of the closet, because as she rightly stated, a man can spot a desperate woman a mile away – BUT SHE FORGOT TO ADD THAT THE WORST REPELLANT FOR MEN {ON THIS SUBJECT} IS THAT WOMAN WHO WANT ‘IT’ BAD, BUT PRETENDS THAT SHE DOESNT CARE. a man can spot a fraud 2 miles away, and a phony{in this case, a woman who whilst they are together is working with her ‘innerself’ to make it seem that she’s not anxious about it} 3 miles… the list goes on!!! Bless.

    • Lydia

      August 10, 2011 at 11:22 pm

      All these your assumptions are becoming too much! Live your life and let others live theirs. You don’t know the author to be making all these assumptions. This is why this piece was written to begin with. Nigerians and their oversabi is getting really annoying. Here abroad, you need to see how other African women talk negatively about Nigerians and their culture which includes this over the top obsession with marraige. Stop assuming what others do with their private life (single or married) before they swear for you!

    • Sandra

      August 11, 2011 at 7:26 am

      @Jackie
      happy you saw what am seeing too

    • Oreo_512

      August 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

      Oh Lord… *says to self that this is the last time I’m gonna do this and then I’m done wt trying to set folk straight*

      Did y’all even read what she wrote? The article is about focusing your inner energies away from something you can’t control (except through prayer but you better be praying for other things to build yourself with).

      Listen. I was at church yesterday and my Pastor was talking about answered prayers and one thing he emphasised on was that sometimes our prayers are’nt being answered because of what we’re going to do with that which we desire. He spoke specifically about wealth, marriage, children and jobs asking us “do you want a husband because you want to enrich someone else’s life or do you want a husband because you want to show the world that you’ve overcome this shameful situation and rub it in their faces?”. The first thing my mind thought back to was this article and I thought that maybe this is where Glory might have been when she wrote it.

      So, in a nutshell, please do not see this article as decrying the usefulness of men, marriage or the benefits that come with the latter. This is an article addressing the question of singleness being something that one MUST overcome to meet the expectations of society and regardless of whether that by-force marraige will bring real happiness. And I’m (hopefully) done.

    • jackie

      August 11, 2011 at 10:33 pm

      I DO NOT AGREE MY BROTHER. YOU ARE TALKING FROM A SPIRIT FILLED PLACE OF GREAT BEAUTY; HOWEVER, THIS LADY DID NOT AT ALL ANCHOR HER ESSAY ANYWHERE NEAR THE ROCK OF THE MOST HIGH GOD OF ABRAHAM, ISSAC AND JACOB. SHE DID NOT EVEN SUGGEST ANYTHING GODLY IN HER ESSAY. BY TRYING TO CONNECT IT TO A SPIRITUAL BASE, IS JUST YOU BEING SPITITUALLY MAGNANIMOUS.

  175. nena

    August 11, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Well emphasied and delivered

  176. ololade

    August 11, 2011 at 8:40 am

    could be truth be anymore clear than this. good one

  177. anita

    August 11, 2011 at 9:09 am

    i am a 36 i was married for 10 had a lovly daughter she now 12 married is not all you hope it will be for me it was hell of reality i am now single and i am happy the african tradition do not accet a single woman or man friend don make it easy they want you to married the next man you date jobness or not they don”t care as long as you are married and be like them but for i am a single mother and happy that is important for me

  178. chic

    August 11, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Well written. I’m 25 years and i have been very worried about this marriage issue. I even cry at night and feel so sad most days. I pray more than enough on this issue, i think about my ex boyfriends and I feel I made a mistake letting go of them. This has made me realise that Life must go on with or without marriage. I have good job here in Nigeria and I’m a fan of travelling around the world. Maybe I should just focus on the things that make me happy and stick with girls like you all who have come to understand that Marriage isnt the answer to all problems.

    I once dated a military officer who was soooo rich and handsome and he felt he was the answer to my prayers. He beats me, cheats on me and even insults me. I woke up one day and said enough is enough!!! He is still in shock because he never believed I would leave him. I’m happy being single and away from such molestation.

    Single or Married, Life will eventually even out. No cause for alarm.

    • Tomi

      April 27, 2015 at 9:42 pm

      I am so sorry about that awful experience, Hopefully, things become brighter beyond your expectation. I have a subtle question. Did you live with him or let him have it? That’s a No No in relationships because it causes a woman to attach and gives the man some kind of power.

  179. A plus

    August 11, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    tru talk big sis, ur insights are good, evry one wants to have a good life not be in lions cage……. my advice….. reach for the stars

  180. vickkie

    August 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I love dis well written article. I tot I was de only one on de notion of a big balance acct nd a career. Marriage though inevitable in a ladies hrt buh what happens after marriage where a ladyhas no finace of her own or an item to cal her own. All fingers r not equal dey say,buh de fingers make up a palm. No matter hw each lady views her priority,marriage ,career nd a fat acct balance r jst inevitable in a ladies diary.luv de write up

  181. Eniola

    August 11, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    AMEN! Sister Gloria, please preach it! Ladies, while I understand the ultimate need to be married and in many cases, the isolation that comes with being single, its important to note the need to be HAPPY. Why rush in and compromise your happiness?. The part where Gloria said men can sense desperation a mile away…that is so TRUE! Men see through us farther than we can ever imagine, why do you think a very confident woman get the best men? While I am all for saying “I do” someday, the biggest turn-on for me right now is a BIG bank account and a career that would put me on wikipedia someday..allow me to quote Mrs Beyonce Carter
    ” have your own life before you become someone’s wife”

  182. Patricia Salaam

    August 11, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Get outta my head! Lol

  183. Jennifer

    August 11, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    marriage is actually not our primary purpose on earth. its a secondary issue. because after marriage, d man nd woman still both live differently.

  184. Paul

    August 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    @chic

    sorry about that. God will put a new song in your mouth.

  185. jackie

    August 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    REPLY to Lydia August 10, 2011 at 11:22 PM

    I respect your opinion, but I disagree with it. Im not making assumptions about the author – im making comments on her statements. In a civilized society, when you put a statement out, the logical sequence is to expect comments on it.
    Its nothing to get emotional about. I would argue its not oversabi- rather, it’s the natural process of civilization. You need to employ reason free from passion. According to Aristotle, passion kills reason. So please don’t get annoyed, what you need to do is to restrain your adrenaline.
    You talk about ‘abroad’…yet you don’t take in the fact that when you use a western medium of dialogue, you should expect a western medium of response.
    Since you are abroad, I’ll have you know that the law of the western world is that when you put yourself in the public domain, you can no longer lay claim to you private life- to the extent that you put yourself out there, to wit, you cannot complain about the responses you get to what you have put out there – the expression here is that ‘you become fair game’.
    If I may ask, am I talking to a graduate?…if so, why are you depart from an intellectual discourse to talk about ‘swearing’?… Besides if you believe in that ‘I’m just coming out from under a stone cave mentality’, it would not be wise to engage in a forum that promotes free speech: have you heard of that before?
    Finally, assumptions are the bedrock upon which a hypothesis is tested for truth. MAY I ASK AGAIN: HOW FAR DID YOU GO IN SCHOOL?

  186. Kay

    August 12, 2011 at 3:54 am

    well said

  187. AY

    August 12, 2011 at 6:10 am

    Very interesting piece Glory! So true too.

  188. Anon

    August 12, 2011 at 11:52 am

    i want to be honesty here,your article is full of negativity…have some hope sister! Life is not all about carreers and generating more cash.

    • Annon 2

      August 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm

      No the article is full of the truth! The way with which I see Naija men abuse and kill their wives you cannot blame women for dreaming about career and alot of money. SMH

  189. Urerime Emretane

    August 12, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Gloria! thnks for this piece. it is very true and helpful.

  190. omotayo

    August 12, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    this is so on point…my best write up so far on BN

  191. olami

    August 12, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    ohhh yeah…..am so loving dis article…

  192. omoh

    August 12, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    I conqueror…i must confess have learnt so much frm bella naija,and to ma darling gloria keep it up will keep this in mind and pls need you to talk to my mom cos evry moment she as to spend wit me is – Topic Marriage,she don 4get sey wen she n my papa marry and now no be d same thing.

    • Toriola

      August 13, 2011 at 6:08 am

      you must have flunked reading comprehension when you were in elementary school…or they didn’t even teach reading comp in the evening school you attended? Long story short, Glory is saying “..if mr right hasn’t come, get busy with other things and seize the day”.

  193. xxx

    August 12, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Well said Missy B…i totally agree with you, why pray desperately for money and career when the important thing (Marriage) u down play. I am not married neither do i have children but i pray constant like for a perfect husband /children….remember no matter how u pray for money, if you have all the wealth in the world and u are later married to a stupid husband that doesn’t know how to manage money, that just spends and spends trust me the whole money will go (Personal experience with my aunty) also, if you have a man that frustrates u day and night, trust me u wouldn’t be able to concentrate on ur so called perfect career……..don’t forget the poor girl that was killed recently by her husband. i for one think we all need to pray day and night without season for a PERFECT husband.

    Please don’t let us down play it, due to the fact that the world think we are desperate. Marriage is for life, who we marry also determines how our future will be.

    Pls prayyyyyyyyyyy. And while we wait and pray, let us work on our relation with God and ourselves (character wise)

  194. Saka Muyiwa

    August 12, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Was the same when my friends started buying cars. Everyone behaved as if you were half-dead if you didnt buy cars at the same time they did. But in the final arithmetic, we all have cars and I dont even remember in what order we bought cars. Now marriage is the new toy to chase and they are still behaving the same way.

    We ALL MOVE AT DIFFERENT PACES. Thats how life was meant to move.

  195. kini

    August 12, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Girl been there done that. This article is great and I feel her, I’ve practiced exactly what she is advocating for 12 years. BUT, there is a further analysis she needs to do, it doesn’t end there.
    I’ve had to face the fact that time is still a factor for us women. At some point we need to make a decision whether we want kids or not and everything goes from there. Sorry if I seem all antsy about getting married, but actually I am not being the girl who thinks marriage is what will “save” her. I have had to make a choice whether I want kids and am just looking for the best strategy for having and raising them. That includes building a strong enough relationship with the man so that he will be involved in our kid’s life if not mine, you know what I mean 🙂
    I don’t agree with the bigger account balance though, but having an occupation I enjoy, yes. And that brings again the whole marriage/companionship thing: if you are two successful people, you have more options in terms of choosing the occupation you enjoy because the other person has got your back.
    Unfortunately our parents no longer have the strength to be there no matter how much they’d love to, neither our girlfriends cause the deepest form of companionship is meant to be between a man and a woman. Our girlfriends drop us the moment they meet a guy.

  196. Maky

    August 13, 2011 at 5:06 am

    This is an awesome post i like.

  197. omalicha

    August 13, 2011 at 7:08 am

    hi 5 to this.

  198. PAM

    August 13, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    fantastic article. men can sense desperation a mile away and feed on it. know what you want but be wise and have faith in ur prayers if you do pray. and remember to thank God for what he has given you. I see women with good health, good jobs, good families praying for marraige in a way that suggests the Almighty has failed them utterly and they are in the worst position on earth. Give thanks o! Good things are yours

  199. Jatropha

    August 13, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Career,money,happiness,promotion etc.can still be achieved under the right man’s roof.There is no gain hiding that this article is a product of the author’s several failed attempts to get a proposal.Apart from an arranged marriage,having a man propose to you and on time too requires a special inter-personal skill(s) which most single but desperate ladies clearly lacks.I’d like to opine that those without these skills should first seek for it before expecting a proposal.

  200. ray

    August 13, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Nice one

  201. teni

    August 13, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    very nice…word

  202. swit9jachic

    August 13, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    well written. gr8 article

  203. tee

    August 14, 2011 at 2:23 am

    Right on point babes, ave got these two friends that are married they try to rub it on ma face because am still single..one of them her husband cheats on her right under her nose, the other is a lazy-ass scrub.. ma friend is the bread winner of the family..things like these sometimes puts you off men..d real potential men out there want an independent woman that’s got ambition, no guy wan bukta woman for a wifey..My priority now is getting my boss’s job chikena!!

  204. One Naija Girl

    August 15, 2011 at 12:01 am

    Very well said!

  205. Lynn

    August 15, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Glory i love you so much for this article. These were the exact words i spoke to a friend of mine over the weekend. Now you cant even use ur frnd’s baby on ur BB dp or congratulate a friend who’s gettn married by putting up her pix in her wedding gown without people asking you “when are we coming for your own?” There’s absolutely more to life than crossing legs and waiting to be rescued by a knight in shining armor. I told my friend who said “Lynn it’s remaining only us o” that i’m soooo not in a hurry. In ibo there’s an adage that says ebe onye oso ruru ka onye ije ga eru (the person running and the one who’s walking will both end up at the same location), so why frustrate urself or let what people say affect u?

    Besides, different people have different priorities in life, to some,getting married is their greatest goal while some have other things scheduled in life (not saying u cant achieve oda goals after marriage), but dont let it be the upmost criteria for living. Marriage will definitely come but in the mean time, develop urself more financially, intellectually, socially, spiritually ( u def can’t do it without God) etc. My best sentence in this article is (so plss next time the urge takes you to pray about my single status, kindly include my need for a bigger account balance in such prayers). loll

  206. Jola

    August 15, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Beautiful writing. Hitting at reality. Women, especially the single ones need this sort of empowerment. Life is not all about the opposite sex or what goes on with them. We also have our own lives to live. NB. I’m not a feminist.
    Ladies, there’s a lotta money out there to be made, so many beautiful places to go, interesting people to meet. Better you do it all now, cos marriage may not afford you the chance.
    Peace!

  207. :)

    August 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Lol @ being worried about who will bury you when u are DEAD! WTf! That’s one of the stupid things people worry about that doesn’t make sense. Like u can predict what turn your life will take. People get married and don’t have kids! Stop being silly, Glory gave her perspective and told her feelings, she was not trying to lead anyone or tell them what to do. You on the other hand with your doctrine and crazy, ludicrous examples are trying to force your opinion on people by condemning Glory’s.

  208. jummy

    August 15, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    This piece is d most down to earth av ever read. Word for word so honest,wish my big sis wud read this and realise she’s got more potentials that any goal getter man wud want than sit around and pity herself cos she’s still single.sometimes wen she envies me cos am in a relationship i just wish she cud see aw unhapi i am cos am fedup wit d guy but cant breakup cos of my kind of family:everybody will remind me of aw lucky i am to av everytin at an early age unlike my elder siblings.hmmph

  209. tolu dawodu

    August 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    You’re right!

  210. Missy

    August 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    my take from all this i will reply with what i did to myself i hope this advice helps someone out there…….
    immediately after youth service, i prayed one prayer, that i would work for at least five years, then start my business(which i kinda see as my lifes calling) get as many clients as possible doing all the marketing i can before i get married and that the man i marry MUST share same vision as me and together we’ll do God’s work be it kingdom biz…whatever….now that was my prayer cos i reasoned that that my husband to be shud meet me doing that so after we are married it wont be a case of…”what are u doing?” “where are you going?” now God saw the sincerity of my heart , am saying this cos i know i had no hand in fate…..i had to start my biz first cos aside 20k marketing jobs nothing else wud come, in 2008 after running my biz for 2years i finally got an internship in an advertising firm, a year later i got a scholarship to attend a business training in Pan African University LBS, and then in 2009/2010 i went back to biz full time….now something interesting happened. I met a pastor in my church who offered me paid employment i almost turned down cos i HATE the regiments of 8am-5pm daily….but after much prayer i felt led to take the job….now a most wonderful thing happened…..i met a guy in my new place of employment who had near given up hope of ever finding a lady who has passion for business and loves God….of cos we were attracted to each other first, we’ve had to grow our friendship and yep we are headed down the altar…we have so much in common, have shared goals, beliefs, vision and ideals….my 2 cents is, pray for what you want then hand it over to God….i dint work for 5 years, i started my business b4 getting a job and yeah, i eventually met someone whom after marriage and conjugal high we’ll continue living but this time, with support from each other in our various endeavors….i believe in the power of prayer cos truth is, i dint want to go back to paid employment but strange how God works….so ladies am not saying every one shud run off and marry the first man that shows interest in ur career choice what am saying is being sensitive and knowing when to take what desicion….funny my beau and i have had oppurtunities to meet as his close friend is married to my close friend but God ordained it to be in an office….so ladies pls never say never and be open and flexible….just one right move might just be what will bring about a chain reaction of testimonies in ur life….think about it!!…my 2 kobo..:-)

    • Bidemi

      August 18, 2011 at 2:18 pm

      I’m praying for the exact same thing (business, better spiritual life and a man that will support my dreams). Your message is such an inspiration. God really works in miraculous ways.

  211. Babe

    August 15, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Preach Glory, preach it!

  212. Unoma

    August 15, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Very interesting piece Gloria.In Naija they make being single look like some kind of affliction or something.There are so many things to enjoy as a single woman (man even)so I say enjoy your single state so you can enjoy your marriage because if you are not happy being single chances are you may not be happy being married because you just don’t know how to be happy anyway.

  213. funmi keazor

    August 15, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    There is more ti life than being married! Wow! This sentence confirmed the thoughts on mind.
    That even Jesus didn’t get married but He made sure he was rich. When it is time, we will
    get married and even if we don’t, it doesn’t make us a failure or anything less than the married.
    Though its a battle between our mind and the society. Someone asked if marriage is a necessity
    or is a dictate from society. I replied that it is none rather it is what you make it.

  214. Nero

    August 16, 2011 at 12:02 am

    I reckon every post (or @least 99% of all posts) r from women………ladies, pls keep on psyching ourselves…….u all definitely need it……..all ya independent ladies…we give it up to you all…

  215. Nero

    August 16, 2011 at 12:03 am

    *yourselves

  216. t

    August 16, 2011 at 12:24 am

    this needs to be published!! … brilliant

  217. msiphie

    August 16, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Yeah you’ve said it all, but after all d wealth where’s your family? the one you built on ‎ your own that when ever you wake up in the morning you thank God for a lovely home he has blessed you with. I know some marriages don’t work out but don’t use that to judge yours, yours can be perfect even after misunderstandings. Just pray for a good husband and a good wife which u wanna be. Nice 1 though

  218. Buddie

    August 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

    I like this piece…so on point.
    And what a way to end a brilliant piece – ‘We will all get married at some point, but in the meantime there are other things to get on with. There are places to visit, new people to meet, promotions to fill and money to be made! ‘ It’s not all about marriage as we see it these days..

  219. lely

    August 16, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    its all about money with you Gloria, izit? Pray for account balance, thinking about money, money, job, money… No wonder youre not married
    ;-D

  220. amasha

    August 16, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    OMG! I Love this

  221. chyka902

    August 17, 2011 at 9:59 am

    so on point like a decimal, on a scale of 1-10, this ish is on a 12, Been single is fun!!!!!

  222. Bidemi

    August 17, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    You go girl!!!
    I love love love this article. I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years and we recently split up. Now that the heartbreak is over, I realize that I was willing to die for my ex, when we were still togehter, so I’m now glad, I’m out of that relationship. Now, my thoughts are all in the right place. I’m focused on God, work and helping people, but I still pray for a husband; however, instead of praying for a man that will supplement me, I pray for one that will complement me.

  223. sallybonne

    August 17, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    true talk.i jst showed dis 2 a desperate frend of mine n she gt d msg.weldone gloria

  224. smiles

    August 17, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    nice post… i had a guy toasting me once and tellin me to have his kid bla bla bla, i told him he was gradually going bunkers and his reply? ‘how old are u again’
    (referring to my 30yrs). meaning at 30, i shd b happy he telling me we shd get hooked.
    im 30 and proud, if ive waited this long, den i myt at least get d best, i shdnt b 30 and still settle for crap.
    as much as il luv to get married, il want a happy life more.
    like d aying goes, il rather ne single and happy, than married and miserable

  225. dami O

    August 17, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    i wish my mum could read this!!! my motto has always been ‘Pray, relax, let go and let God take over.

  226. Ogo

    August 18, 2011 at 9:00 am

    I totally agree with you Glory, I really dont think its just about for it, but more of working on oneself and getting ready for that, cos prayer cant work on our attitude for us with out our effort. It can really be funny when u see dem telling you ‘I will change ur life’, I usually wonder, wot does he know about me, my likes and all, they all believe its about money and all….

    Was told by one that even when he dcided to overlook my skin condition and age am still not grateful…..dont bother to ask for wot my response was cos I handled it and he is still looking for a way to be friends.

    Beautiful piece must say

  227. Olurin

    August 18, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    God bless the writer of this piece,it was superb! Ienjoyed my space,lol

  228. JESSY PARKAR

    August 18, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    LOVLY POST.I SEEMS YOUR TALKING TO ME DIRECTLY.WITH THIS I NOW HAVE A RETHINK ABOUT THIS WHOLE MARRIAGE THINGY.THANKS TO WHO EVR WRITE THIS ARTICLE.

  229. sarah

    August 19, 2011 at 1:37 am

    brillant gloria edozien,im almost approaching late twenties,and honestly i have not been really bothered about being single,but trust society, each time my phone peeps,and i pick it up and hear my mother’s voice, my heart begins to beat fast, because, the next question would be” MY DAUGHTER HOW FAR” with that i already know the line of conversation she is trying to engage in.i want to be happily married for me, at the right time with the right person, and not because i want to put a smile on my mum’s face,afterall it is me who is getting married, not my mum.lord help me not to be swayed by the pressures in this world amen.

  230. Yemi

    August 19, 2011 at 11:12 am

    I love this write-up..

  231. Demmy

    August 19, 2011 at 11:58 am

    🙁 It’s a pity some people go to emotional stress just because they are single. Oh well<3

  232. Demmy

    August 19, 2011 at 11:58 am

    *get emotionally stressed. Sorry:)

  233. Harmony

    August 19, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Fnx a milla Glory..ure such a darlin! Am 23,i gat many friends of ma age range talk so much abt marriage,it dosn’t freak me @ll,i thought i wasn’t ok coz i feel its nt yet time coz i kw am nt yet set 4 it…marriage is nt a do or die tin,it wil come wen God wants it,nt wen u put it as ur little god.

  234. Bel

    August 19, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    Words of wisdom. Filling your mind with who the next guy will be or if the next guy will be the one, is a waste of space meant for more innovative and intelligent ideas that should flow from your mind. When he comes, fine; if he doesn’t, fine; till he comes, do something more productive. Well said Glory.

  235. jay

    August 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    dats da spirit! ride on sister..

  236. jay

    August 20, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    dats da spirit!ride on sis..

  237. vanilla

    August 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    U so on point!!!single ladies should understand dat dey don’t nid a man 2 b happy der is more 2 life!!!

  238. Toksy

    August 21, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    i’m married myself and have been for 5 years. Whilst you’re praying for a husband ladies, you need to pray for the best inlaws as well. I omitted that in my prayer and don’t really get on with mine (too many problems with mine). My sister learnt from me and prayed for a good husband as well as inlaws and she has the best inlaws. U would think they are sisters. It shows that prayer works!

  239. KEJI

    August 21, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    I REALLY LOVE DS PEICE……VE POSTED ON MY WALL 4 SINGLES TO READ…TANKS

  240. desim

    August 22, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    i love this angle. i just wish my sister will look at it this way as well. i shall refer her to your article. good job.

  241. Tinu

    August 23, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    Beautiful article and a good one as well …. But with all this said do not think with all ur bank account and career movement upwards will bring happiness.. Lets be realistic with each other.. Being married is good and being sinlge is good.. But everyone in this world wants to be loved and also to love….E.G celebrities no matter how much money they make you see them still falling in love and having that special someone cos with everything in this world the one rule God gave is love so trust me even 10 yrs from now with all the accomplishment you will still want someone u can call ur own… Maybe its me or am not seeing things right is everyone replying single….

  242. Tinu

    August 23, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    What am saying is even though having your career and ur bank acct is good do not let the man or woman for you pass you by…. even though u r not praying for that your parents are praying for that… Do not rush into it which is right You have to balance it … Life is all about balance and moderation.. It is the key learning how to balance your work and your love life is the best..

  243. uju

    August 24, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    u got it so right, kudos!!!

  244. OgeSmallz

    August 26, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Very on point, Glory. Very on point.

  245. Ibukungeorge

    August 29, 2011 at 3:52 am

    Right on point bella!Am in my late 20s and still in NYC club and all i hear around me is ‘Don’t worry GOd will do it”.As if GOd has not done it*smirk*.

  246. vg

    August 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    awww the rants of single frustrated women. No need to mask ur feelings, pls go ryt on and do some night vigil for mr ryt to come your way .

  247. Martina

    August 29, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    My dear u have spoken well. Double thumps up! Marriage is a university one doesn’t graduate from until death comes knocking at d door. U just spoke d mind of some ladies who want to marry at d right time to the right man. Apart from praying for a husband every lady is meant to live a decent and holy life, have a good fashion sense, look attractive, look beautiful, a good character and attitude.

  248. Enyinna

    September 1, 2011 at 3:33 am

    We’re social beings and as such, most of us can’t fold our hands and not give a damn about our singledom. So we put our best foot forward and hope for the best. Being single isn’t a death sentence but, most people will be happier in loving relationships.

  249. adebowale comfort

    September 1, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    this is lovly. it is nt we shouldnt get married, bt why d pressure 4rm friends

  250. gracie

    September 4, 2011 at 11:59 am

    The truth and nothing but the truth, ladies lets face reality!

  251. yinks

    September 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    so true…lol @wondering if the next guy, who says ‘hello’ is the one?……….looooool

  252. snazzyj

    September 6, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    this is sooooooooo beautiful, i jst love d last paragragh we wud all get married some dy cos u r d 1st 2dy doesnt mean ur marriage is d best.

  253. na2

    September 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    well said gloria, did u read my mind?

  254. julie

    September 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    well said author!!!! While waiting for a right partner(waiting means praying ) look around for the open doors. Open doors are opportunities for you to enjoy and improve your life to the next level.I love this article and have been thinking the same way all along !!! am now a wealthy prosperous woman and feel good about myself AND STILL HAS HOPE FOR MY RIGHT PARTNER GOD HAS FOR ME AND I ASSURE YOU HE WILL BE THE BEST EVER !!! SOME OF US NEED TO WAIT TO GET THE BEST NO SHAKING!!!

  255. Hey

    September 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    This is to time in my life and I want to use dis medium to say a very big thank you to my mum,who has been very supportive.God bless her and keep her to see my kids IJN. Amen

  256. Bosede

    September 17, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Thank you for articulating this issue of the single woman or single man so eloquently. I especially loved the balanced perspective you shared about the benefits of being in a committed relationship, yet not putting one’s life on hold in the interim…

  257. jenny

    September 17, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Nice one

  258. Yvonne

    September 18, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    I was nodding my head up to this sentence: “We will all get married at some point…”
    Not ALL of us will get married, and some of us will be happy being unmarried for the rest of our short lives.

  259. dzifa

    September 18, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    nice piece, Gloria
    …………..its a must read for all.

  260. ted

    September 22, 2011 at 11:39 am

    ”Truth be told, men are important and marriage, when done properly, can be a wonderful thing. But I have come to the realization that marriage is a part of life and not life itself”

    well said.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA9EN2opAkc

  261. commy wole

    October 2, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    my pastor just told us point blank todaay that many sinsle ladies feels their destiny is tied to marriage. no that is not true, the fact that you are not married does not mean ur life is crashing and u ve to say i do to even the deadliest of men, who cant even say am sorry wen he does something wrng, pls sisters be careful wen choosing a life partner.

  262. mimi

    January 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Nwanyi , biko ga nuo di Akuko na ibeya

  263. Psalm1

    January 19, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Sooooo on point. Like I’ve just been woken from a deep slumber and I can’t believe what I’ve been doing to myself.

  264. SASSY

    April 17, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    The author wrote well BUT i feel this is a gimmick to downpaly natures nned and want for a loving patner. please pray hard to meet a good man and dont forget what marilyn monrowe said, a career cannot hold u in bed at night. what is all these caeer bull…i am a career woman but the best thing that will happen to me is getting married to the love of my life.

  265. Fola

    April 18, 2012 at 12:23 am

    This article I think would help a lot of single women out there, I’m married and I have been for over 10yrs now. Marriage is not everything. Enjoy Ur single life while it lasts and pray that when that Partner comes , it should be the right one for you. I have friends that are close to 40yrs and are not married and blv me, they are happy, becos they never let not being married stop them from following their dreams. And I also know people @ that age that got so worried and ended up dating guys that just kept taking money from them. There has to be a balance in life, like Glory said, concentrate on things u can change and make Ur life be fulfilled in those areas and blv me, the right guy will come.

  266. rukayat lawal

    July 17, 2012 at 9:59 am

    nice one better tin to tink off bank acct, i love money money, always tinking of hw my bnk acct, wiff money u stands every chance men will come for you

  267. eniola

    January 30, 2013 at 10:16 am

    I totally love this article. Though i don’t have the kind of strength u posess to carry on like a soldier, but i’ll definitely get there. i just got out of a three years rel that seemed promising last friday n the thoughts of me bin the one that called it off wont let me be …might regret it in the future. smhow, smwhr in my head, i now feel i didnt mk no mistake. so now, it’s gon be strictly self development. gbam!

  268. Kachi

    October 30, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Just came across this article while looking for my column online…
    You nailed it!

  269. LMFAO

    April 22, 2015 at 10:00 am

    This is what women say when the kind of men they want are not interested in them

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