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BN Hot Topic: “True Love Doesn’t Care If You’re In A Relationship! He’s Fair Game Until I See A Ring”



You know how they say they’re more women than men in the world… Some people have used this statistical imbalance as a valid justification for polygamy and keeping your options open. Whether this is right or wrong is open to a whole lot of discussion and analysis. The dynamics of how these things work are however, very interesting. Last week, my friend told me of how her mother had sent a message to another mother saying “Sister, has Akin introduced any girl to you? Our Dolapo is single and even though they call us old fashioned, this is how things were done back in the day.”  She said she asked her Mum what the plan was if Akin actually had a girl… her mother’s reply was “Then, he will decide which of you he wants”

The fact that he probably was dating someone wasn’t important to the woman. I remember thinking… two mothers somewhere are scheming the ousting of one poor girl from the safety net of her relationship.  

I saw the picture of one hot chocolatey looking delight of a man on my friend’s Blackberry display picture… I asked if the guy was single and that’s how the matter became long… What do I mean by single? Ehn now… is he married? or dating anybody? My friend says, he’s not married sha but I don’t know if he’s seeing anybody *insert pause* then he adds…SERIOUSLY!  So I ask my friend to ask the guy if he’s seeing anybody, seriously or otherwise and the silly guy asked to see my picture!

I mean, how hard is it for you to tell if you have a significant other? It’s either a yes or a no, whether I’m beauty or the beast, shouldn’t matter, unless of course, he’s up to some mischief… Or so I thought, until my cousin said “No oh! It’s not simple like that oh! He’s fair game until I see a ring.” I’ve heard guys also say that the fact that a babe is dating someone doesn’t mean they can’t “enter set” and toast then, date the babe. Besides, you can’t let the presence of one pesky boyfriend who doesn’t have game mess up your runs.

Babes who go all in and fight for what they want are hailed as Spartans! Besides, there are more women than men and since we’re in this really tight feeding trough, we all have to work for what we can get. For all you know, your “perfect” man might just be in the arms of the “wrong” woman.

What do you guys think? Is everyone fair game until they’re married? How much commitment does a guy need to make to his girlfriend before other girls would know to stay at bay?

Do you guys agree with this tweet I saw this morning?

True love doesn’t care if you are in a relationship

Let’s discuss.


You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. Africandecor(click)

    August 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    ehn!!!ABEG ABEG….. it does care, why wld you be loving someone that loves another. smh, it only leads to all this hurt and pain that can be avoided.

    click my name to visit my blog of african interiors and more

    • hateunrealisticpple

      August 6, 2012 at 2:16 pm

      erels i just knew it was you.

  2. Priscy

    August 2, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    hmmmm….this is will be like snatching the guy from another woman. I can’t be in a relationship where i’m aware that the guy has anoda lady and we have to struggle or impress him b4 he chooses whose finger he wants to put a ring on. I believe whatever is yours will definitely come to u

  3. Princess of Zion

    August 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Personally, if someone is a relationship, I would say the man/woman is taken; it’s better than going through emotional turmoil. But for a lot of people, if the man/woman is engaged, they’re still fair game because many people court someone for five years, break up and then marry the next person after just a few months. SO, some people are adamant on the fact that if you’re not married, you’re single which is fair enough.

  4. Mz Socially Awkward...

    August 2, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    I think we’ve had this debate before on BN, can’t remember if Glory Edozien wrote the article in question but it was generally agreed that no-one’s truly “settled” in a relationship until the male and female participants are standing in front of Father Obi/Augustus/Clementon that fateful day as he incants the marital rites….


    August 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    I feel until a guy makes a commitment with his girlfriend,they are both fair game.your mr right might be the guy toasting you while with your boyfriend.

  6. Chacha

    August 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    What have naija babes become? Whatever happened to waitin to be sought. Karma is a bitch…mess with someones relationship and u get what’s coming to u.

  7. Mz Socially Awkward...

    August 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    that should read “Clement on” and not “Clementon”.

  8. Chattyzee

    August 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    I once had a similar conversation with my friend and she said exactly the same thing. She even went as far as to say that If you like a guy, then you had better “jump” at him and go for it, instead of waiting for the guy to come and meet you blah blah blah ……
    I’ll tell you the same thing I told her, My Lot Is Maintained! (Psalm 16:5). God will not give my food to the dogs. If he’s mine, no matter the number of ladies in world, he is mine.
    There is no one man that is ordained to be your husband! Man exist in Kind – “man kind”, which means if this guy walks out, a better one will walk in. If a guy is already in a relationship (serious or not), why would you invest your time in trying to break them apart? I don’t get that.
    There’s no need to measure his commitment to the other girl. If he’s in a relationship then that should be the end of it and like that say, If he’s yours, then he’ll definitely come around of his own will and not because you sabotaged the relationship.
    We ladies need to stop trying to help God by doing the finding. After all, it says “HE” who finds a wife ……. (check out my blog for more)

    • KAY

      August 3, 2012 at 12:07 pm

      PREACH Sister!!! [email protected] said all dat needs saying… <3

    • Audrey

      August 3, 2012 at 12:40 pm

      Hi Chattyzee,A virtuous woman like you is hard to come by these days.such intelligence! God bless you.May he grant all your heart’s desires especially a very good husband i.e if you are not married already.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      August 4, 2012 at 3:01 am

      Well said.. well said. This men we are pushing and shoving are only mortals ohh.. God is good.

    • Pd

      August 4, 2012 at 2:55 pm

      God bless u…..gbam

    • Primebabe

      March 26, 2013 at 12:51 pm

      i like you

  9. @ajiriavae

    August 2, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    If a man has a woman that he has decided to commit himself to, then there is almost nothing that can be done to make him switch loyalties. If he does decide to get involved with another female, it will be a temporay thing. But then, how do you know that he is actually commited? There are so many guys who are with women in what they consider nothing but a temporary relationships. How do you know that what he has with a babe is not just temporary, to him? The best I think you can do with ANY man, is to go in with your eyes open, and observe his actions. How he treats you, what he is willing to do for you, if he is ready to chase you. When you are dealing with a man, you MUST always be a lady and not give yourself completely until you know what his intentions are. If he proves to be really interested and commited, then by all means go all the way with him.

    • Person pikin

      August 2, 2012 at 7:32 pm

      Thank you!

  10. Mz Socially Awkward...

    August 2, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I think we’re all missing the point of the question and I don’t believe anyone deserves to be judged if they end up with a man who dated another girl for years on end but ends up marrying chick No. 2. It’s not about stealing anyone from anyone, the question as I’m reading it is whether you would give up on your own obvious Mr. Right just because he happens to be in a relationship. I know happily married couples today who were in that same situation and I’m talking proper finding of Adam’s rib here… so, I wouldn’t judge anyone, let them work out their decision with God.

  11. dominique

    August 2, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    I agree with fiidelia nuff said.

  12. Theodora

    August 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    HMMM now this should be interesting,,,will wait to see comments

  13. Chi-ka

    August 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    If he’s in relationship (let the definition of commitment be up to the two people involved, not you!), then you are NOT allowed to go and squeeze yourself in the middle for three reasons:
    1. You never want to be “the girl who broke Jane and John up, and is now married to John”. Trust me, you will carry that label for a loooooooong time.
    2. If you have to put yourself in front of a man that wasn’t looking at you in the first place and then say that it is up to him to choose which one he wants to go with, you are so on a long thing! Any respect that man has for you most likely will be lost whether or not you end up together. But most importantly, it shows how much you value yourself. The man that is yours will come after you whether you are in Kafanchan of Alaska. Somehow, God will make it possible for you two to meet. You don’t need to ‘show yourself’!
    3. Please do not complain if you eventually date/marry this guy and another woman comes to ‘try her luck’. After all, you took him from someone else so he is indeed FAIR GAME, married or not! The day you ‘successfully’ replaced his girlfriend was the day you gave another woman the permission to do the same to you…Karma is real, honey!

    In conclusion, let us stop trying to sugarcoat it o: if you are trying to ‘chance’ your fellow woman, it is not called Trying Your Luck, it is called Boyfriend/Fiancee-Snatching in plain English! 🙂

    • Ikunkun

      August 2, 2012 at 8:32 pm

      Thank You Chika!!! My exact sentiments when an Ex gave me the free pass to break his ENGAGEMENT with his woman….am thinking in my head….
      1.hmmmn am not your first Ex am I?? what if one of my “seniors” comes back and you have even stronger feelings for her, and then who am I to complain when I get the boot?
      2. How am I going to face your friends and family??Some might accept me but then that label would be there.
      It downright pisses me off when people use True Love to mess other folks businesses up.

    • tbn

      August 2, 2012 at 11:27 pm

      Thank you jor, I dont know why some women are so desperate forgetting that karma will always be there waiting in their future when you snatch another woman’s fiancé, boyfriend or husband. Some girls even go as far as wanting to snatch a married man from his wife, its also amazing that its young ladies who should be going for guys their age to grow with them, that would be angling for another woman’s husband who she has grown with over the years… Karma is waiting right at the door for you… just as that man would one day realize he’s left his 90% for a 10%.

    • Niyi Adelaja

      August 20, 2013 at 1:03 pm

      chika i think u’ve said it all. to snatch should not be pacified with “he’s made for me” theres no such thing as that. its just pure greed to look at a relationship and delve in with the intent of stealing the other half. always remember that what goes around will surely come around. all girls out there and guys too that look unto the justification of their actions with the view of “he’s made for me”… then in all honesty i think maturity will take time t set into ur child like minds. you dont do to people what you dont want others to do to ypu. its as simple as that.

  14. Hazel

    August 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Your opening statement is interesting to me. In reality, there are more men than women. A ratio of 1 woman to 1.05 men. This is consistent over the years and across countries. In every country in the world, there are more boys born per year, than girls. For whatever reason, they told us since we were kids that there are more women than men. This is obviously very likely due to sexism and men wanting to have their cake and eat it.

    • CAC

      August 2, 2012 at 2:47 pm

      My thoughts erxactly. Nigeria in particular is a very chuvinist country. The chuvinism there is enough to not want to make me ever live in Nigeria again.

    • lara

      August 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm

      exactly, chauvinist and chauvinism my dear

    • Papa

      August 4, 2012 at 11:20 am

      Historically the ‘man’ has always been the dominant sex and this isn’t unique to Nigeria. Nigerian women are actually very culturally empowered. Yes, we have our flaws, but I think your words are a little too harsh.
      If we all run away from Nigeria, then who will fix our country. Freedom takes sacrifice, and if we’re not ready to sacrifice, then freedom is lost on us.

    • sassycassie

      August 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

      words of wisdom!!

    • Papa

      August 4, 2012 at 10:55 am

      Please cite your source/s because according to the US Census bureau, for every 100 women in the US, there are 96.7 men.

  15. Thelma

    August 2, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    had a conversation with someone years ago about this….the person said men/women are like buses. when u are waiting for a bus, if u see an empty one u enter, if u don’t see any empty one u hang at the door hoping someone will get down soon for u to sit…from what i understood there is absolutely nothing wrong with toasting a girl/guy that has a boyfriend/girlfriend. who knows whether the girl is enjoying her present relationship sef?

  16. buky

    August 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Tough question, nt all relationships lead to happily ever after, so in order for U̶̲̥̅ to distinguish btw a true or false relationship, U̶̲̥̅ have to know Jesus Christ so he can direct Ʊя steps, cos he knws it all…… ∂α̲̅ts D̶̲̥̅̊ fact

  17. cathy

    August 2, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    will be back

  18. Adedoyin

    August 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    @Chi-ka and Chattyzee…you have said it all..

  19. peaches

    August 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    i totally agree with chika ahe has said it all!

  20. Gorgeous

    August 2, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    many desperados trying to justify their position. No wonder a lot of yo are still single and fodder for randy men, both married and unmarried. While you are busy struggling for another woman’s man, your Mr. right is alone and wondering where his future wifey is. By the time he meets you, you would have been tarnished and passed around all over town. nigerians kuku talk a lot. So keep fooling yourself. By the time you are 40, the story will change to as long as he can take care of this wife and family, including me and my illegitimate children, i am OK! LMAO

    • sassycassie

      August 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm


  21. Berry Choco Latte

    August 2, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    What Chattyzee and Chi-ka said.

  22. AbEg

    August 2, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    GBAM!! thank you very much Chika, hit the effing nail right on the head

  23. climax

    August 2, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Have you forgotten that some men say some girls are good enough to date but not to marry, what if the guy sees the one he wants to marry and decides to leave theone he`s been dating? You guys should get real joor….the only relationships that are binding are the ones that have been religiously, culturally or legally contracted….someone will always get hurt…deal with it..

    • tbn

      August 2, 2012 at 11:48 pm

      Yeah right climax (eyes rolling), you’re only religiously defending your position because that was how you met your husband who married you. I still believe that a woman should not chase or agree to date a man who is already with another woman, married or not. This is what most women in developed countries would not do because they have integrity and respect for themselves and their fellow woman. Women in this country don’t know how to have the backs of their fellow women, no wonder men feel they can do and undo when it comes to relationships cos women would still be running after them, you later wonder why he treats you badly. For all you know, he’s put a ring on your finger and chasing girls outside. mcheww

    • Purpleicious Babe

      August 4, 2012 at 3:18 am

      BLUNDER… WOMEN IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES????? would not do what? how many developed countries do you know? and how many women do you know? Pls do not make it about nations… NATURE of humans will be nature of humans any parts of the world.

      Pls there are people abroad that do things you know??? it

      PLS dont take it personal am not attacking you but the statement is incorrect the women part.

  24. madam

    August 2, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Abeg Abeg Abeg!! u ppl that r saying this is ok should not just annoy me ataalll. So pls enlighten me then what is the difference between this and boyfriend /girlfriend snatching *confused* Me im still single o, and there is no amount of nonsense logic or sugar coating that can convince me to be eyeing another womans man, How can that possibly equate to im being my Mr. Right??? if he is, they would breakup through no fault of mine then he will come and find me Shikena! Until then it remains a ludicrous idea.

  25. Naveah

    August 2, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Only DESPERATE women say things like “he is fair game until I see a ring on his finger” because if a woman is not desperate then she bid her time. She will be only interested in a man who is free and clear like she to start a committed friendship and relationship. Desperate time calls for desperate measure should not be applied to relationships and human emotions. If a man or woman is in a committed relationship, they are OFF limits, hence the word “COMMITTED”. Relationships are not games, men or women are not medals to be won at the end.

    Ladies and gentlemen, before you “jump” on that man or woman you desire who you know has a significant other in their lives, check your compassion dial. Would you like someone to do that to you? If not, then reel yourself back…there are single, available men out there who will fulfill your needs. I got married at 36 years old, I bid my time and now I am enjoying a wonderful marriage to a man who came to me free and clear. We both started our relationship without baggage and the full support of both our families.

    If you don’t remember anything I’ve said, remember this: IT IS WORTH THE WAIT TO DO IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AROUND.

    • sassycassie

      August 2, 2012 at 5:52 pm

      The truth!!


      August 3, 2012 at 10:53 am

      Wow! Getting married at 36? Kudos!!!

  26. kester nanna

    August 2, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Many have been in wrong relationships, many have received marriage proposals and remained single all their lives, others are in hurtful, cheating relationships even many who are married ended up regret the choice of their partner! True a man or woman’s dream may be in the arms of another! Funny to say that there are few people who say that they are not in a relationship, everybody seems to claim that they are in a relationship but event know the kind of relationships that exist! I believe that true love does not care if one is in a relationship! The only exception is marriage for only on that ground is one legally, socially and morally accepted to have been taken!

  27. janded

    August 2, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Married or not there is o guarantee a MAN will ever stay loyal or that women will no be attracted to him.

  28. Emem

    August 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    My dear true talk (actually did not read this piece, merely responding to the headline) and sometimes sef even the presence of the ring should not hold you back once it is true love……

    • lara

      August 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

      OMG AT EMEM’S COMMENT….wow….funny though, I hope you are joking.

  29. venus

    August 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    why do people find the need to quote the Bible on topics that are debatable. You don’t find Muslims quoting the Quran on comments do you? I mean, if the writer has written the post on a neutral ground that encompasses us as human beings, i.e men and women, why then do some commenters steer the conversation to a biblical angle…..I am a Christian but I still just don’t get it.

    • pretty me

      August 3, 2012 at 10:59 am

      we have to quote d bible becos we r too live according to d word of God.we have to live by his word to work in his will for our lives.

  30. Traditionalbay

    August 2, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    The price of compromise is dam expensive! No woman should play cheap/snatch/luck try any man. SHE WILL DEFINITELY PAY…someday. it leaves scares in marriage eventually. The man u are throwing ourself to will chop and clean mouth while you live to fell used. decency is still in vogue!

  31. konnie

    August 2, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    People forget in life there is always payback. Interesting quote. “For all you know, your ”perfect” man might just be in the arms of the “wrong” woman.” Always amusing until it happens to you or life forces you to payback for the meaness and selfishness you acted upon to get the man.

  32. lara

    August 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    there’s NO such thing as Mr Right. Anyone under the impression that Mr Right will show up at the right time will end up like the lady in that picture. That said I can’t even try to take a man in a re-ship. He is in that re-ship for a reason. If he leaves her for you, what are the guarantees he won’t leave you for some one ‘more perfect’. Wait your turn I say, if he leaves her and hooks up with you later, good, if not, carry your market go somewhere else……I find it hard to deal with exes as it is, talk less of an ex that I caused the re-ship to scatter…

    • thepainofseparation

      August 22, 2012 at 7:14 pm

      Lara, I agree with you. I don’t believe in the phase or term “Mr Right”. As much as I would love to agree with the author of this article, I have my reservation of ‘eyeing’ another woman’s man. I used to love non-commitant relationships. I was all for it until recently when I did an evaluation of it and I found out that, honestly, I hadn’t gained much from it. I then did an evaluation of all the guys I had been with and found out that a few were in steady relationships at the time. I said to myself “R u interested in a long term relationship with any of them?” To be sincere, I heard my head (not heart) give me a resounding NO. Why would you want to be with someone who cheated on someone to be with you. If he really like you, why doesn’t he do the right thing – which is to end the relationship with the other person and start afresh with you. I love the idea of being the one he wakes up and says to “I have been looking for you all my life and here you are right in front of me” but I always reel myself in with the words “at what cost? should my happiness cause someone else’s unhappiness?” If he ends things with her to be with you and you in no way schemed your way to his heart, then you deserve him and his love cause you did the right thing.

  33. bj

    August 2, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Everyone is fair game until he or she is in a committed relationship/engaged. I am a single man BUT I will never go for a girl knowing she’s seeing some guy. just don’t have the time to worry about any guy,it’s not right.

    • Idak

      August 2, 2012 at 5:31 pm

      you dey fear blow for road?
      The truth of the matter is that there are no rules. Who go cheat go cheat.
      All those changing partners like wrapper are wasting their time. You’ll never find what you are looking for cos no one person possesses it all.

  34. climax

    August 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    its one thing to run after a man, and its another thing when he runs after you……if he wants you and he feels there is something lacking in the relationship he already has…..why the hell not? my hubby was dating someone at the time he met me, however he was in the process of trying to break up with her, i guess she was still clinging onto him…i was so not interested cos i felt he was off limits. I was seeing someone too, well we liked each other over time and decided to move on from our current relationships and we are married now. In matters of the heart….there are no hard and fast rules, i have had a girl break my relationship before and i moved on, that you are dating someone does not bind you to the person….as far as marriage has not been contracted, get your head out of the sand and smell the coffee… are not married until you are married, anything can still happen. Not all relationships end at the alter.

  35. climax

    August 2, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    the only time i consider it wrong is when you break any of the unspoken girl codes…..for e.g if he was dating your friend or sister……
    , as far as he`s old enough and has the means to marry, if he likesd her he should have put a ring on her finger, all these babes that date guys for donkey years and he moves on to the next girl and u sit there raining curses on the new girl………as far as the girl didnt go all out to take him from you,sweety e no go catch am, she did nothing to you, deal with it and wait for your own man to come

    • kiss

      August 2, 2012 at 6:41 pm

      @ Climax, I dont know why you sound so familiar. you must be the girl that broke up the relationship between me and some guy few years back. there’s not problem, i think if the man doesnt want you, he wont go for you, so i guess he wanted you and he has put the ring on your finger. Men can be liars, they’ll say a girl is clinging to them and still come back to beg the girl after, of course the bottom line is that he actually puts the ring on the finger of the girl he wants, so no hard feelings at the girl (u), the man has made his choice. In a nutshell, i am saying, i wont go after a man who is already in a relationship, but if the man knowing we are in a relationship goes after another girl, then so be it, that’s who he wants and he is not good enough for me, better things are ahead of me. however, i strongly believe that what ever a man sows that shall he reap.

    • Chattyzee

      August 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm

      “I dont know why you sound so familiar. you must be the girl that broke up the relationship between me and some guy few years back. there’s not problem, i think if the man doesnt want you, he wont go for you, so i guess he wanted you and he has put the ring on your finger. ” ROTFLMAO ……I literally busted out laughing, my co-workers tot I was nuts …. nice one

  36. Idak

    August 2, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    i know four ladies who have made comments on this post who are living a total opposite of what they just wrote. on that basis i am tempted to draw a conclusion on all the comments here. I’ll hold my breath and just remind you all that God himself is watching you all in 3D. Try and walk the talk.
    Over and out.

  37. christy

    August 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    I hate reading about this kind of story,it break my heart,when has the world turn to this?is life all about man/woman relationship!haven’t read it thou,but dat picture hurt my feeling!

  38. Iris

    August 2, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    There’s such a thing as karma. If he or she can leave someone for you, he or she can leave you for someone else because commitment doesn’t mean a thing to them. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you are special case. That is all.

  39. o

    August 2, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    I live in a state where the ratio is 3 girls to a guy. I didn’t think anything of it until i was single again and my phone will not stop ringing. A girl I met in church told me she was dating but she’s fair game If I could fight for it. I told her I am a fighter but I fight the right battle.

    • smith

      August 3, 2012 at 12:50 am

      Chop knuckle

  40. Yeah MAO

    August 2, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Everyone is fair game even after marriage, because these days people marry for all kinds of reasons. You see the truth is you can’t take someone out of a relationship until they are ready. Whether it’s abuse, infidelity, boredom, distance, poverty, time, you name it people have gone through it and stayed together. People are trying your relationship all the time, you just don’t know it. Never blame someone outside the relationship for breaking up a relationship.

  41. Ikunkun

    August 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Reminds me of my situation with my ex….this guy was my first love and all that crap. 3years ago we broke up cos i wouldn’t get serious, Then few months after he called to tell me he was engaged, broken hearted as I was I decided to stay friends with him, then for some reason he kept wanting to have a weekend get-away as just friends….am like, uhhh NAH!! U are engaged aren’t you?? Fast forward…..last year, am living in a different country so chances of us hooking up again are now next to nil and out of nowhere this bobo had the guts to tell me we had a chance to get back together but i didn’t take it… Errrr??? Then he goes “Engagements have been broken…If you loved me you should have fought for me” The story be like Nollywood for my eye…Moral?? Some people want to be ‘stolen’ from their current partners, irrespective of the stage of the relationship Talking, Dating, Courting and even now from personal experience Engaged to be married….I just hope I am never at the receiving end of such a shady and shifty mess!

    • Kik

      August 2, 2012 at 11:58 pm


  42. Lamie

    August 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    In my opinion, this is just an excuse for people to mess around. How can you not care that at least the other person in the relationship you are scheming to ruin has invested a lot in it? As long as you don’t see a ring, he/she is fair game? Hmmm…BS! Once someone is taken, leave them to work their relationship out. It doesn’t matter if that relationship is serious or not, stay away…for your own self-respect. It’s all fun and games until it’s your own partner someone else is chasing under this same excuse. Let’s see how fair it’ll be then.

    • scott

      August 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

      ok to say buh every one here is talking about relationship here and there so hw u suppose to be in one because the truth we are all somebodys ex and in a real world we either getting married or still continue to d ex to someone,so if u have ur chance please abeg u take it because this is the world we live in be and this being the good ones is never going to help anybody.

  43. Gimmer

    August 3, 2012 at 1:48 am

    and then when he leaves you and runs back to original madam, you will cry your eyes out. continue playing with fire and make yourself rebound…

  44. kris

    August 3, 2012 at 8:04 am

    i think dating is no different from having a friend. so as many friends you have there’s a possibility you can date all of them if you please. till you take him/her to the alter that’s when you can say he/she is yours.

  45. storyteller

    August 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

    ikunkun i agree with u a hundred percent! in my own opinion, if a guy or a girl feels its fair game to get into a second relationship because he/or she isnt engaged, by so do so but be compeletly open to the first party, by letting the person know ur in an ‘open’ relationship with the person.Trust me we girls love the truth especially when its said at the onset!we wud respect u and no one wud get hurt!lastly, guys and girls, the law of karma is definitely true and wud always catch up on u!

  46. Kem

    August 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

    If u ask me, its until a man & woman gets to the alter and say I DO, u cant hold any1 down. i was engaged to marry my guy but deep down in me i knew he wasnt all that i wanted but cos we’ve been in the relationship for long i decided to go ahead to marry hum. I met this guy few months to our wedding and i knew he is the one for me, finally i broke up with my fiance a month to our wedding and am SO HAPPY with my decision to be with the other guy. So dont blame any guy or babe that decides to see/date another while in a relationship (u never can tell, they might not be happy in that relationship and are looking for a way out) Whatever works for u but dont be desperate, what is yours will definitely come to u. Happy weekend

    • Sola

      August 3, 2012 at 12:10 pm

      My dear, you are just a case of karma waiting to happen. You strung the poor guy along all these years. if you knew you were not happy, and you were not sure, why put someone through that? You went all the way to agree to marry him, and one month to the wedding you broke it off. If that is not selfish, I dont know what is. You only thought about yourself, and not other people around you. Him, his family, your family, everyone. As long as you are happy that is what is important. A relationship comes with responsibility too, if you were in his shoes, you wont be so cavalier and dandy about it. Karma is a stong thing, and you cant cause someone pain, humiliation and suffering and you ride way into the sun with your new lover. Lai lai. Please I am not saying you should have married him. Hell no, that one even worse pass sef, because you would have stood in fromt of the altar and basically lied, so you spared the guy pain, because whatever he must have gone through, wont be as bad as if you had married him. So, please that is not what I am saying, but to pat yourself on the back, as if you’ve done something admirable, is just callous, that is my point. You owe him an apology, and also your conscience. If you know something isnt working, if you had any iota of care for the person at all, you break it off. Rather than put them through the harrowing experience of being dumped before the wedding. They say love is the only time you are allowed to be selfish, but I disagree. To break someone’s heart, just so you can fly free and be happy, is bad karma. I’m happy for your ex fiance sha, because he deserves better, and one day he will find somone who will cherish, love and respect him. As for you, it is left to you and your Maker. Just remember, Karma. Sometimes we dont think about the other person that we hurt, as long as we are happy, just as women who say a man who isnt married is fair game. What about the woman in his life, who has invested sooo much, you just want to swoop in and take over. The Lord is watching you, in 3D IMAX. End of…………….

    • Lue

      August 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

      i owe you a huge hug #datisall

    • Lafunky

      December 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm

      I definitely believe in karma. I also experienced the same 3weeks before my wedding day. My fiancé called it off on flimsy excuses. I agree with your points, it’s not just the person it affects, it affects the whole family, relatives, friends and all. Why wait till a month before the wedding to cancel it? I will advice her to ask for forgiveness from the guy. That cud prevent karma from happening.

    • Audrey

      August 3, 2012 at 12:57 pm

      Karma is a bitch baby. she will come biting,real hard and guess where? You agreed to marry someone’s son,that means his church,family,friends,enemies all knew about it and you dumped him one month to the time? when you could have broken it off way before then? You are selfish personified!

    • Audrey

      August 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm

      Karma is a b**ch baby. she will come biting,real hard and guess where? You agreed to marry someone’s son,that means his church,family,friends,enemies all knew about it and you dumped him one month to the time? when you could have broken it off way before then? You are selfish personified!

  47. laugh child

    August 3, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    @ kiss ooooookia dat ur comment ehn,,lmao……….. chio dis grl ur mouth nice joke tho…**clears throat**y only comment is do wot u knw is ryt……. we ain’t kids n as such we knw d diff btw ryt n wrong… so y’all shud stop prachn…………

  48. yinca ojo

    August 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    hmm..when you’re not sure, ask them if they’re with someone…also ask about any seemingly ‘look-like’ hanging around them…i think its not cool to interrupt a relationship…whether or not the relationship is going fine is not your business…stay at a safe distance and wait till you see a green light (dats if you’re sure its crumbling soon anyway)…end one before another starts… and if you’re in a relationship you’re not enjoying, you dont need a prophet to tell you to have a heart to heart and do the right thing before moving on the next one…tho this is usually difficult but its the right and fair thing to do…its proof of respect you have for them n love you probably once had for them…follow your heart, dont let any relationship tie you down…but dont ruin another’s…be fair….

  49. fade

    August 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Hmmm, it’§ interesting to think a third party could come in between a relationship and take one’s best half. True love isn’t about falling for the guy who’§ already taken, it’§ about respecting d fact that he’§ taken then letting him be.

    • kiss

      August 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

      @fade, I love u! That’s just the definition of true love (though not all it entails sha) but a major one

  50. Deep

    August 3, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Thank you @sola you cudnt av said it any better. Let me add that God will judge you kem because men do the ish you do and neva eva get away with it so truss me you wont either. My x did the same to me and truss me karma is making love to him rite now!!!!! Lmao nonsense!!! While am here happy n smiling with my hubby pahahahahahaha!

    • fairweatherfriendnot

      September 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

      so if you are so happy with your hubby, why are u rejoicing that “karma” is catching up with him?? Isn’t it because you 2 both broke up that you met your current husband??
      I should think that the greatest love will be allowing your man find the happiness he seeks yes even @ the cost of your broken heart.
      How does one even continue in a relationship knowing that your partner’s heart is somewhere else??

  51. Purpleicious Babe

    August 4, 2012 at 3:36 am

    All these becos of a mere mortal. I stand by principles and principles are personal convictions that keeps you in check and helps you avoid unnecessary situations.

    For some of us we dont have principles or some of us fail to acknowledge them. We live in a world where everything MUST GO. Desperation is at the height of it levels. We argue, debate and reason all in the name of justifying why we do the things we do.

    Why cant we just live a life of LIBERTY? NO we cant, we push and shove all because of mere mortals???.

    My advice: pls work on your mental state and salvation.

    To answer the qs, I wouldn’t put myself in a situation that I know is distasteful and dishonest. I have a purpose to fulfill and a dream to ACHIEVE. DRAMA is the least on my mind including its consequences.

  52. feelitx

    August 4, 2012 at 7:53 am

    How morally bankrupt are we becoming as a people? How can we even validate this kind of behaviour through some of the comments we have made here? Have we no more respect for relationships?

    The pain that will be shared through encouraging this type of conduct that ‘He or She is fair game if there is no ring on it’ will ultimately to one of us here or to your neighbours door.

  53. Lee

    August 4, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Ur either married or single, if ur engaged or d relationship has been defined it’s ok evryoda pesin should stay clear but if ur just dating boyfriend girlfriend den ur on a longthg cos a lot of pple ve missed deir potential spouses by being tied to one unserious guy or girl, I’m nt saying any1 should double date bt if ur in an unserious relationship n someone serious comes ur way pls use ur head. Finally, I strongly believe no man or woman can take anyone away from someone he or she loves n truly wants to be with.

  54. Lee

    August 5, 2012 at 5:53 am


  55. Nok10

    August 5, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Some of the comments are shocking. However, thank God there are still people out there with morals. What goes around, come around; you reap what you sow. If someone is in anykind of relationship be it dating, engaged, married – they should be off limits. If they choose to breakup and are single, then they become available. You can’t just date and breakup everytime someone that seems better comes along!

  56. beatle

    August 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Wow…dis is hot.

  57. MEE

    August 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Hmmmm, tanx to everyone who commented here, I have learnt a lot, a guy had been asking me out since 2009 n I just didn’t like him co he brags about evrything,somehow I haven’t dated since dat 2009, fastforward to 2012,dude is still toasting, but I learnt he had presented a girl to his family, he kept on telin me he’s not married yet,n wen I kept on telin him I couldn’t date hiim he finally confessed d girl existed n was his girlfriend, but its me he wants, d reason he has been after me all dis years, sadly bfor all dis confessions der was intercourse wich wasn’t planned n I hate to say I was tipsy, ( gud thing dude is still running after me) n he has been d most wonderful guy I had everr been with, aside his bragging,he is everything I I want in a man. But a few days ago I decided to free myself of dis whole drama, let me hurt n be hopefull I would be fine. Den this whole discussion here just gives me d courage to call him up tomorrow n tell him we need to stop this drama before the hurt bcomes bigger.I believe I would be okay, n trust me marriage or no marriage,I just believe I would be fine. I realy aint crazy about guys n marriage.d reason I’v been single since 2009. Guys just lie too much,n I hate to hurt too much.

    • 21ctl

      August 6, 2012 at 5:25 pm

      wow, i think the major Red flag here is that he has a Girlfriend.always remember that no one is perfect, if the bragging is not to make you feel bad.if he really wants you,he needs to be sincere about his stands on the relationship with his girlfriend.

  58. maaay

    August 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

    *nuffsed*wait on the lord he will grant all ur heart desire ……

  59. lovely

    August 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    this is becoming more interesting…….

  60. Mopelola

    August 7, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    I’d say the word ‘fair game’ is not even fair! Even if you end up marrying the snatched husband,you’d live with the heartache when karma lays its demands on your marriage. Let’s call a spade,a spade.

  61. Opsy

    August 12, 2012 at 1:04 am

    It’s never dignifying dating someone who’s already in a relationship. If you do, apart from Karma hitting on you bla bla, the guy may just use you to satisfy his sexual needs and still stick to his main woman. At the end of the day, who will be at the receiving end when he says I DO to his main woman while you were stuck at his side as “the otheR woman”.
    And even if per se, you eventually succeed in snatching him, do your research and find out whether second wives have peace of minds. What will be will be. There are still lots of single and capable people out there. Wait your turn and respect yourself and stop giving women a bad name as desperate sluts.

  62. Tejumade Oyedeji

    August 15, 2012 at 10:47 am

    All i will say is nature has a way of doling out what each and everyone deserves. It will always be funny and possible when it is happening to someone else but when the dirt comes to ur door, you willl not find it so funny. When a man is in a relationship, all the signs are there even if he does not say it outrightly and we babes have this misconception that if he loves her, he wont cheat on her with me so i still have hope of taking him away. Rarely can u take a man from his present babe. Worst thing that u will end up being is his main side chick but that is what one will be. While in school, i had toasters with guys in relationshps, not necessarily dating but i used to go on dates with them and “spend their money” and feel cool with myself even knowing he has one serious babe sumwhere. I am in a serious relationshop leading to marriage next year and i see so many text messages and bbm chats on my man’s phone with babes who i knwo are runs babes and probably going on dates with. I trust him and they are not a threat to what i have with him. My point is this, however harmless it may seem, karma has revisited me and somehow i am able to see what i had with those toasters back then. If u take what does not belong to u and you know it does not belong to u and may cause pain to the real owner but u take it anyway saying there was no name on it and the owner did not come and meet you anyway to ask u to return it, it may take a while but nature will visit when u least expect and when it will hurt the most. If you can take him from someone, it can also be taken from u. Wat makes it funny is that we women forget life is a cycle. U will always get there and it will come back to u. I am deliberately referring to d ladies cos a cannot take what does not want to be taken. So i just smile and sit back and watch. Except no be naija man u marry… Hehehehehe. If it is not yours, leave it there. Chikena

  63. funke

    August 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    There’s this guy I like so much. I met through his friend and he got my number and pin, we got chatting and all. The 1st time I went on a date with him, it was like I had known him for ages, we had so much in common. We went on a 2nd date and it was way better than first. So I started liking him alot and we started seeing each other more. When I told my best friend about him and that I might have started having feelings for him, she said I should ask him if he had a girlfriend. When I asked him on BBC, the first thing he said was “why do u ask?”, I said bcos I just wanted to know. After what seemed like eternity, he texted “I’m in a relationship, but its not serious bcos she’s never around”. I as disappointed of course, when I reported back to my friend

    • funke

      August 16, 2012 at 3:27 pm

      I’m sorry for the plenty errors(auto correct). I asked him on bbm…. when I reported back to my friend, she said I shoukd forget him immediately, but my stubborn nature refused, so I kept seeing him. Now I’m stuck on him and he couldn’t care less, like its so obvious that he doesn’t care one bit about me. I’ve learnt my lesson, you can’t make a guy leave his girlfriend for you unless he is actually tired of the relationship.

  64. Amanda

    August 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    ure single until there’s a ring

  65. Farrah Lynn

    August 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Seriously, you need to be a lady. My friend had this ‘aggressive’ policy and now her marriage is a joke. Guess why? Because other girls have gone ‘aggressive’ on her man. I think their logic is “if he’s yours, he will stay with you”. Bottomline: do the right thing, what goes around, comes around.

  66. Frances

    September 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    while dating doesn’t mean marriage, i daresay if you attempt to steal a man from his girlfriend, you’l truly never know ur worth in that relationship.from experience, i dated this guy whose girlfriend was away and i guess the distance made them quarrel alot. we started off as pure friends but turned out to be more than that. in the end, a choice was made and u bet i lost out, not cos i wasnt good enough but cos he was more secure with her afterall.i actually opted out cos i truly did not want to hurt her and i feared Karma. That was 2009 and here i am 2012 and am in a good relationship. this new one started in 2010 but we sort off broke up, 5-6months later he comes begging saying he’s tested the waters and he’s convinced he wants me……..i daresay that my decision to free the other guy even when i had no one(only cos i didnt want to hurt the other girl)is the reason why the second guy came back. fact is we’ll all marry someone ex, but dont be the one to break them up.i av come to believe that marriage is ordianed by God. let him lead the way while we follow. i know its hard but it saves alot of headache

  67. TT

    September 13, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    I quite agree with some of you on this matter, but from my own share of relationship I’ve come to discover that in the process of relating with others, you lost sight of “morals and virtues”, by selling out your best qualities cheaply (like buying gold jewelries for pigs/goats) to those who will NEVER notice the worth talk-less of appreciating it. Ladies should never be afraid of being single because it only gives you time/room for reflection, that will make you better, groom you farther than you were in your previous relationships. Sometime, disappointment is inevitable (either you’re good or bad) but it’s the end that will justify it all (if you’re good, you will surely get BEST rewards at last no matter how long it takes and if you’re bad, I don’t need to spell out your end result). Whenever you enter into a new relationship, you should always try to make it new, fresh and unique (positively) coz nobody is ready to eat stale food, you should do proper findings and get appropriate results (it doesn’t have to suit your expectations “truth is bitter”) so you don’t give yourself unnecessary head/heartaches when you ought to be enjoying a blissful moment/stage in your live as planned by the maker from the foundation of the world.
    Whatever decision you want to make, since life revolves around relationships platonic or not should be made with others in mind (am not suggesting you live to please others but am suggesting that you should in some occasions/decisions) you should see with their eyes before drawing up conclusions and what you decide on should be based on what you stand to gain and loss (merits and demerits). I hope you’ll someday live happily ever after with no regret or anxiety of your past decisions, reactions and actions.

  68. tk

    December 19, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    I ve heard a lot of pipu speak nowadayz and am scared 4d future coz sum pipu’s philoso mere listening 2 It depresses me! Well I blive in KARMA wat goes around comes around!may God help dis generation

  69. paris

    January 9, 2013 at 3:57 am

    Well the thought of everyone being fair game is logical .But still going for another mans woman or another womans man because they are fair game is stealing. if you think your right man is with the wrong woman then wait for your turn. no matter how long it takes he’ll come around.

  70. Fredrick

    April 12, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Women are too demanding hoping men to be special and it can not be like that

    • Eve

      May 9, 2013 at 8:02 am

      Fredrick and your point is???

  71. sleekrevlon

    August 16, 2013 at 2:58 am

    This is really deep..pls I need ur honest opinion guys…I was dating Mr A and den we broke up n we both started dating oda forward months later,I broke up wit Mr B and I and Mr A started talking as friends(at least on my part evn tho I still lyked him,bt I respected d fact dt he ws dating somebody else now)..I started confiding in him about I jst met n I myt considering dating..and den he said to me that he doesn’t want me dating somebody else and then went ahead to say dt evn if I wasn’t in the picture,he wld av still broken up with his current girlfriend now he’s broken up with her,evn she dint take it well,and we are now dating..sometimes I just can’t help but wonder if I was the reason he left the girl and I feel guilty about it evn tho I also love him very much..matters of the heart,no one really understands it right??

  72. marc by jacobs バッグ

    November 28, 2013 at 8:45 am


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