Okay so I don’t have a boyfriend, but I was thinking if I had one, I’m sure he would get me an iPhone. But just in case he needed some reasons to nudge him along, I would give him 7 great reasons. Ladies, please feel free to share this list with your man too.
1. He’s the only cockroach in my cupboard
The problem with young ladies today is that they spend too much time with too many different men, hoping that by spreading themselves around they will be able to make enough money to live the kind of lifestyle they want to live. The problem is that guys know when they are not the priority in your life, so some of them (if they really like you) may try to win you over by doing more and more for you, but most of them will just treat you like a side dish, and only use their spare change for you. But since my Lover Boo will be the only cockroach in my cupboard, the only one I spend my time thinking how to make happy, and feel special, then I know he will appreciate me enough to buy me an IPhone.
2. I love his mother even more than I love my own
Ladies, you know how guys are about their mothers. The woman who breast fed them for many months (and many years for some), the woman that risked her life to push their big gigantic weird shaped heads out of her womb… yes oh! That woman. I’ve already decided that I will love his mother, maybe even more than I love my own. If the woman tells me to jump, I will ask her how high. If she tells me that my dress is too short, I will ask if I can borrow her clothes. If she says that I need to spend more time with Jesus, I will ask her if she would like to be my prayer mentor. I don’t care where she is in the world, but I will visit her at least once a month, or maybe once a week, if she is close by. Even if she says I’m annoying I will ask her what I can do to stop being annoying. She will not find a better “almost-daughter-in-law” than me oh!
3. I cook for him and his family every Sunday and wash his clothes every Saturday
I just pray my parents are not reading this post right now because they have been trying to get me to cook for them, and wash their clothes, but as you all know, I’ve been very very very busy! Nevertheless, for my Lover Boo, I will cook whatever he wants me to cook for him. Is it Nigerian food, American food, Senegalese food, Martian food? It doesn’t matter, as long as I have the internet, I can find the recipe and cook for him, because his wish is my desire, especially around this Valentine’s season, and especially since I still don’t have my iPhone.
4. I buy him expensive gifts all the time
You people may be thinking “ahn ahn, if you have money to buy expensive gifts then why do you need him to buy the phone na?” Well my dear friends, let me explain. First of all, by him buying me the expensive iPhone, he is proving his undying love and affection and commitment to me. And then of course, “expensive gifts” are in the eye of the beholder. So depending on my income sha… buying a bag of M&Ms may be a very expensive gift for me oh. But anyway, it’s the thought that matters the most.
5. I wash his car
Yes o! my Lover Boo must have a car. I know some of you may be saying ahn ahn, that is so unfair, there are some good men out there that don’t have cars. Well since I’m such a generous person, I will leave those good men for you. For the rest of the good men with cars, please contact me if you’re unattached. Please I said unattached, not separated, engaged, contemplating engagement. No I mean emotionally, mentally, physically and everything else unattached, those are the only ones that should be trying to approach ladies. And for the rest of you that call yourselves single, but you have women that think the two of you are attached, shame on you. But anyway I digressed a bit. For my Lover Boo, I will wash his car for him at least once a week, but if my job people don’t mind me coming late to work on occasions, I will take the journey to his house early in the morning, no matter where he lives to wash his car, just so that he can have a nice sparkling car when he goes to work, and he can tell everyone that it’s his honey chocolate that washed the car for him, especially that one girl at his job (isn’t there always at least one) who tries to flirt with him. [insert eye roll]
6. I won’t be on Blackberry chat
There are so many relationships that breakup because of social media. The guy is talking, and the girl can’t hear because she’s on Facebook, or Twitter, or she is BB chatting. Haba! Why would you do that? Me on the other hand, if my Boo lover gets me an iPhone he won’t have to worry about me bbing anybody, since BB chat doesn’t work on the iPhone. It will just be me and him against the world. Okay maybe I will be using Instagram, but it will only be because I will be sharing pictures of my handsome Lover Boo with the world. And okay maybe I will be on Facebook and Twitter, but it will only be because, I have to let people know how in love I am with my Lover Boo. And maybe I will be on Pinterest, but it will only be because I want to share my wedding planning ideas with the world so that when my Lover Boo finally proposes I will be ready – I will not be slacking like those other girls. No not me! I am a good daughter of a good mother!
7. Finally, finally, finally. My Lover Boo should buy me an iPhone because he loves Jesus
Yes oh! I could end with that he loves me and I love him, but I think the greater love is the one he will have for Jesus. Jesus said give and whatever measure you give is the same measure that will be multiplied to you (my paraphrase). So if he wants to be successful in life, he better treat me well, and take care of me, otherwise success will not come to him. But I know because he loves Jesus, and he trusts Jesus to provide for his needs, my Lover Boo would not mind emptying his bank account to make sure that his Honey Chocolate has the iPhone of her dreams. And that is what I like to call the truest kind of love – Me and my iphone.
Ladies, please feel free to share this list with your man. If you have not done anything on the list, it’s not too late to start, at least around this Valentine’s season. And please let me know how many phones your man ended up buying for you.
This is meant to be a fun piece and NOT to be taken literally 😉
Photo credit: www.essence.com
Osayi Osar-Emokpae will have a Lover Boo any day now, and she knows he will propose with an IPhone. She is an author, speaker, creative genius, social media enthusiast, and some other cool stuff. She is passionate about relationships, and changing the world by changing herself. You can get a free excerpt of her book here: “Impossible is Stupid,” a book that encourages singles in their search for fulfilment and for finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, or subscribe to her blog. Free book excerpt: http://impossibleisstupid.com |Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/iyasostuff | Twitter: https://twitter.com/iyasostuff | Blog: http://iyasostuff.com