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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: What Do Birds Have To Do with Bees?

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I woke up this morning with a cocktail of emotions – excitement, apprehension, fear, anticipation and joy. I’m going away for a bit and it’s a move I’ve been contemplating for a while and suddenly it’s here. I feel a little out of sorts – which, according to my friends, is perfectly normal. So, I spent the weekend basically clearing out the house, making last minute visits and gazing at my room like a lost child. I tried to think of deeply profound things they tell you when you’re leaving home – “Remember the child of whom you are”, “always remember to tell the truth – no matter the cost”, “be good”, “a good name is more worthwhile than gold and silver”.

In my house, they tell you all these things in Yoruba so it resounds deeply in the innermost part of your head. I can’t say how effective that method is but it’s something my mother specializes in. When I was much younger, she darned near scarred me for life with deep words delivered in that manner. Just before I turned 11, (gosh seems like a lifetime ago now!), I was taken away to live in Kwara State. Anyway, so while I was there, one of the cousins in my foster home had gotten pregnant in the village and she was brought to Ilorin for my guardian to deal with the situation.

I was young, but I know there were several meetings, a lot of yelling, crying and castigation. After a few days of the cousin’s arrival in the house, the pregnancy had been attended to and the girl was in a lot of pain. I was assigned the duty of using a hot compress to press her belly. She was in a LOT of pain. I didn’t quite understand what was going on but all this blood and pain? What had happened?. It was during this period that my dearly beloved parents came to visit. A few hours after their arrival, my mother called me to the car. My first instinct was ‘Ah Ah… Mummy, why can’t we have this discussion in the guest room? Why must it be in the car?’ I followed the woman meekly as I knew this had to be something serious.

Ladies and gentlemen, it was inside the car, outside the house on Basin Road in Ilorin, that my mother gave me my Birds & Bees talk. Here we were, talking about my body being a temple of the Lord and how the body of a woman develops at this rate and how a woman’s feelings change as she grows older. It went on… and on… The woman found a way to relate sex, with pregnancy and the attendant pain that the girl was going through upstairs. I was sufficiently mentally scarred! It was the most distressing conversation anybody has ever had with me. She used strong and deep Yoruba words that any tingles that I may have been feeling from immersing myself in Harlequin Romance always died a violent death in my head. “If you don’t want to end up like XYZ upstairs, don’t let any boy come near you”

Looking back now it’s hilarious because it must have been uncomfortable for her too. But really, what’s the deal with African parents and the sex education talk with kids? I asked my friend, Tolulope if she ever had the sex education talk with her Mom and she said “No! I even still feel uncomfortable if we’re watching a movie together and they start kissing… and I’m married with a son oh! It’s that bad”.

Okay guys, please share some of your experiences of when you had the sex talk with your folks – if ever and how you felt? Would you give your child the sex talk? When and how or do you think it’s just be plain uncomfortable.

A really cute Nigerian R&B star shared with his experience with the BN team. He told us his Mom locked he and his brothers in a room and made them watch videos of people dying from AIDS for hours. She came back and said “That’s what happens when you have unprotected sex!”. Our guy’s life has been a living testimony since then… He has NO string of baby mamas!

Gotta dash now. Have a fantastic and beautiful week ahead. Stay strong, be happy and remember, nobody can put you down unless you let ’em!

Peace, love & cupcakes!

Toodles!

Photo Credit: essence.com

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

63 Comments

  1. Dame Cute

    August 19, 2013 at 10:07 am

    Atoke, u jst made my day with this lovely writ up. with the way things are goin on nowadays, i cld even do the method of showing my kids d AIDS video tho….lol!
    Till date, my mum never talked to me about sex education or even asks if i hav started my period. Thank God for everything for God drew me near to him. I have tried to live a good life. and in all, I remember when i see people doing the wrong things and they keep blaming their parents especially their mums for not guiding them well. I had every reason to be wayaward as my mum too never talked to me aout sex education but I told myself it’s my life. Whatever happens to me, even if the world will blame my mum fo rnot taking me through the sex education ish,

  2. Dame Cute

    August 19, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Atoke, u jst made my day with this lovely write up. With the way things are goin on nowadays, i cld even do the method of showing my kids d AIDS video tho….lol!
    Till date, my mum never talked to me about sex education or even asks if i hav started my period. Thank God for everything for God drew me near to him. I have tried to live a good life. In all, I remember when i see people doing the wrong things and they keep blaming their parents especially their mums for not guiding them well. I had every reason to be wayward as my mum too never talked to me about sex education but I told myself it’s my life. Whatever happens to me, even if the world will blame my mum for not taking me through the sex education ish, it’s my life anyways. I have never buyed the idea of blaming others for anything.

  3. Ngozi

    August 19, 2013 at 10:17 am

    My mum was quite straightforward when giving me the talk. Ever so often she reminds me of why condoms save people from AIDs, many STDs and babies. I will not hold back when giving my children the talk in future. African parents need to realise that people are having sex at younger ages these days and while children should be taught to wait till they’re ready, they must also be informed of available protection just incase. 🙂

  4. Godslove22

    August 19, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Lol….Funny article…….I can relate to this

  5. Chi

    August 19, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Me too. Am an educated woman but don’t know how to go about them. Waiting 4 comments.

  6. Jet

    August 19, 2013 at 10:32 am

    I grew up with my dad, he knew the day I started my period it was in the village and my grand told him, when he was shipping me off to boarding school he gave me a stern warning never to have a boyfriend, and I should not bring pregnancy to his house,I was 11. I remember when he drove me to school my first time in Uni, he told me not to have a boyfriend who was a cultist, and not to sleep around because of AIDS I guess he believed at age 18 it was ok for me to have a boyfriend. The truth is that my dad could be scary when he is warning you, I did not have a boyfriend till he passed on and that was my penultimate year in uni. My mum and I just gist about relationships and guys as it relates to me.

  7. Anita....

    August 19, 2013 at 10:34 am

    My mum simply said and i quote “if you like allow any boy to touch you down there….you will see the result!”….Thank God im someone who is a firm believer in taking responsibility for myself and my actions or i would have gone down a dark path. When i have kids i’ll do my best to teach them the right way to go and to be responsible but above all, i’ll pray that God gives me good children cos sometimes Nature can trump Nurture….im living proof.

  8. Neo

    August 19, 2013 at 10:36 am

    This made my morning! My Mom told me that if a boy touches me i’d get pregnant but then one day she called me and told me that once i started dating i should let her know who the person is so that if “anything” should happen they would know who to go and hold. Imagine oh!

    My sister is very open with her kids about sex and their bodies. At 8 and 9 she made her kids read a book on sexual harrasment. Anytime they have a new help you’d hear my 6 year old nephew screaming “Dont touch it, its my privacy part. Only my Mommy can touch it, give me soap lemme wash it by myself!” Its hilarious. Once she was called to school cos he said “penis” and that he would “corrupt” other kids whose parents arent so open minded. My sis was like “Its a body part, not a cuss word” Another time the yeye boy was screaming that his brother kicked his “dicks”! We were like how many dyu have. LOL!

    Seriously though, we need to stop treating this issue like a taboo topic, even as the kids are growing up teach them about their bodies, what its called and let them know how the body works, cos if we dont they’ll learn anyways and it may not be what we want them to learn.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 19, 2013 at 1:17 pm

      DEAD @ “Dont touch it, its my privacy part. Only my Mommy can touch it, give me soap lemme wash it by myself!”. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

      Mission accomplished, that kid sounds like he knows how to handle would-be pervs.

  9. TopMan

    August 19, 2013 at 10:41 am

    I’m a dude and I really never had a sex talk so to say. I guess it happened when I was in secondary school and testosterone was running so high…Was home on holiday, and nobody was home.Gf came over …i was busy trying to talk her to come to bed with me and forgot to lock the door.
    Papa came in and caught me squeezing my gf’s boobs ….I was transfixed.
    That night, family meeting was called and my Mama started warning me of the dangers of getting a girl pregnant.

    • Guys Perspective

      August 19, 2013 at 11:49 am

      @Topman, my story is similar to yours, I was home on holidays from the boarding house, except that I was not actually caught red-handed, I didn’t know flushing down a used condom requires more than one flush. Our house-help saw the used condom first and reported me to my mum, my mum was so shocked, she couldn’t even utter a word till my dad came home for the weekend. The conversation I had with my Dad was not a very interesting one, that was the first and only time my Dad called me a “Bad boy”

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 19, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      @ TopMan & Guys Perspective… I really shouldn’t treat young sexually active teenagers as a laughing matter but your stories are hilarious. And also quite sobering. Imagine not having had the talk and going ahead to get a girl pregnant or even worse, catch an STD. What does the parent say then?

    • Sandra

      August 19, 2013 at 3:38 pm

      Hilarious

  10. Vics

    August 19, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Lol Atoke’s nice one as usual. For me I always dreaded those birds and bees talk from my parents and I still av two sessions to go *sigh* 1 will happen soon cos am bout leaving d house as well to a far away land, and d oda wen am getting married, and mine happens very early in d morning. Anyways on the issue of sex talk, my parents never really went deep to wat sex was, it was just d normal don’t av sex till u’re married stuff. As for me i think it’s better to be open and most especially make d child feel free to talk to you about anything, that can help make d sex talk easier, sometimes they can even initiate the talk. But many kids live in fear of their parents which makes the conversation awkward for both parent and child whenever it comes up.

  11. tbn

    August 19, 2013 at 10:50 am

    I had to laugh out loud at this : “She used strong and deep Yoruba words that any tingles that I may have been feeling from immersing myself in Harlequin Romance always died a violent death in my head. “If you don’t want to end up like XYZ upstairs, don’t let any boy come near you”. Atoke I give it to you, you’re a good writer. Please I hope your morning banters would remain after you’ve moved. This is a technological world, you can always post it online from where ever you are, I cant bear the thought of my monday, monday medicine going away. I wish you all the best as you take this bold step into the future.
    Moving on, my daughter is almost 10 and Im just dreading the day i’ll have to give her “the talk” as the day comes nearer. Im thinking of doing it just before she enters secondary school, thats when she’s 11yrs. I didn’t really get an in-depth talk from my mum as I would have wanted, but i remember that she talked to me when I started my period and it was quite embarrassing. I believe its important for parents to educate their children on sex matters otherwise they’ll get wrong education from one wayward friend or boyfriend.

    • TA

      August 19, 2013 at 2:49 pm

      @ tbn,Please give your daughter that sex education TODAY! Do not wait till shes 11. Sex is so pervasive now that its almost impossible that she would not have seen,read,or accidentally stumbled on material of a sexual nature. I am a firmly believer in teaching your children their body parts as soon as they can talk, and teach them not to let anyone but you touch it. There’s a whole lot of sexual abuse being perpetuated on children because they are ignorant and trusting by nature. Typically, kids ask where babies come from way before they are 10 yrs old (the age of your daughter),its a fine opportunity to let them know in simple terms how it happened. Of course,the information you give a 4 0r 5 year old is not the same as you give a 10 year old. For a 10 year old you could say babies are made when the man puts his private part (penis or whatever you call it in your language) into a woman’s vagina. As the child grows older,increase the explanation in plain respectful language and make your child repeat or explain what you have said just to be sure that he/she comprehends what you have said.

    • Ola

      August 19, 2013 at 9:42 pm

      I agree with you. I have 13 and 9 year old girls and you will not believe what kids are talking about these days. I started my sex ed with my girls very young because there are a lot of perverts in the US. For my 13 year old, I printed the list of all STD’s and method of transmission and gave her to read. I found the scariest pictures of people dying of AIDS and showed her.

      My parents never spoke to me about sex and I thank God that I never caught any STD when I was single. African parents need to wake up.

  12. Berry Dakara

    August 19, 2013 at 10:51 am

    LOL @ the R&B musician’s story!

    My mum had the talk with my sister and I when I had my first period. I was either 12 or 13.

  13. Princess

    August 19, 2013 at 11:03 am

    My mom n dad educated me b4 my junior class thou i was vry vry young. One of their words ‘dnt eva bring unwanted baby 2 dis house’ stil ringing on me up till now. So nothing wil stop me frm doing d same 2 my kids n if my nieces of 6 -7yrs can xplain wat sex is all abt, i 1da y i’ll shy away frm… Winks….

  14. mia

    August 19, 2013 at 11:03 am

    my mum was very strict, so you can imagine her giving you sex education. she would take you to weddings, show you the bride in all her splendor and tell you that you can only wear that white dress if you keep yourself, that if you don’t, they will fling your things out in a polythene bag and the shame will have no part 2. she would also ask you the kind of husband you want to marry, then you’ll say a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer, then she will go on to tell you that such men only marry their contemporaries, they do not marry ladies who have “wounded” themselves or who dropped out of school as a result of teenage pregnancy.

    And whenever you leave the house, she will tell you “to whom much is given, much is also expected” and the “ranti pe o fi iya ati baba sile o” (remember you left you mum and your dad at home). it was effective if you ask me, cos we all turned out well.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 19, 2013 at 1:28 pm

      “she would also ask you the kind of husband you want to marry, then you’ll say a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer, then she will go on to tell you that such men only marry their contemporaries, they do not marry ladies who have “wounded” themselves or who dropped out of school as a result of teenage pregnancy”

      Nna, your mama dey harsh oh. That kain strict advice would have stayed deep in my consciousness…

  15. naana

    August 19, 2013 at 11:16 am

    my grandmother and mom told me that i’ll use my school uniform to carry my child if i got pregnant. this was when i turned 11yrs.
    my mom went on to tell me that, if its sex i want, i will have enough to the extent i will run away from it and it should ony be after marriage.
    at 11yrs she made me know that sex its mostly enjoyed when married.
    my dad on the other hand is the silent type, but when u do the wrong thing the worst part of him is revealed.
    this is a man who can disown you if the worst should happen. so imagine yourself with all these sex education and involve in teenage pregnancy.
    hmmmmm…..

  16. ogo

    August 19, 2013 at 11:34 am

    my mum never really had “the talk ” in the real sense of it! what she just told me when i was leaving for the uni was “if anybody touches you,you will get pregnant” .then later it metamorphosed to ‘if any boy touches you by force ,yank off his private part”!!!
    my dad just asked me to be sure i wash my private parts very well in an awkward conversation!!! till date ,i cant even watch a steamy scene in a movie with my parents and i’m in my late 20’s.
    i will definitely have the talk with my kids ,most definitely ooo. not awkward convo,but well detailed..after praying for wisdom on how to go about it .

  17. iffy

    August 19, 2013 at 11:41 am

    i am 24 and my mum has never pronounced the word sex to my hearing, not even in my language. you needed to see the struggle with words when she had to tell me about menstruation when i was 15

  18. riri

    August 19, 2013 at 11:41 am

    My mom was the strictest of all. She had a sort of finishing/punishment school. Problematic young girls were sent to her to be taught a lesson or two. She told us she would literally know d instant a boy touched us. She said men deceived girls with gifts so she was forever buying us stuff 2 avoid us being decieved. Being pregnant was not even an option cos d fear of my mother was rili the beginning of wisdom. She said she wld abort d pregnancy 1st with her bare hands b4 making walk arnd d neighbourhood stark naked b4 u took up residence in her fowl house . We didn’t doubt her 4 a second.

    • ze griott

      August 19, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      lmao! that threat alone is enough to make anyone die a virgin. jisox!

    • Lade

      August 19, 2013 at 12:17 pm

      LMAO. ROTFLMAO. My case will be different from most people here sha. My mum got pregnant in her early twenties 21 to be exact, and her mum accepted it with open arms. So tey till date I am the favourite grandchild even though my mum went on to have other children but my grandma looooooves me specially. Apple of my eye she calls me outside of my sibling’s hearing. In my house pregnancy is not a taboo not at all. My mum gave me the sex education talk early and she said hmmn, being a single mum that early was not easy at all and she won’t wish it on me but if i find myself in that situation please do not abort it. This is not a house where you will be chased away. We will support you and pregnancy does not mean your life is over. Despite having me young she still went on to do her degree and she runs a multi million naira very successful business now and i have the best step dad in the world. My half siblings and i are tight like nothing else and only close family know he is not my dad. When I have kids, I’ll adopt the same method. many girls have risked their lives and reproductive futures with abortions because of fear from home. Now I am 30 and mumsie is saying my dear if it is baby you want and husband is not forth coming she doesn’t mind o. I said lai lai history will not repeat itself. I want her to carry gele and do Mama Iyawo. She deserves that at least as I am the only girl.

    • X- Factor

      August 19, 2013 at 12:18 pm

      laughing in vernacular….Correct mama!

    • Mariaah

      August 19, 2013 at 1:30 pm

      OMG!!!! LMAO!!! I’m laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes!! 🙁

    • Tobi

      August 19, 2013 at 2:25 pm

      this is too funny!! LOL!

  19. X- Factor

    August 19, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Atoke ooooo…..I m going to miss you dearly, What will happen to our Monday Morning Banter? I hope you’ll still be in touch on BN Whist you are away, ……love u loads gurlfriend….Be good and don’t forget those Mama’s talk( wink wink)

  20. Lilly

    August 19, 2013 at 11:56 am

    I was given the sex talk by my mum and She told me that if a boy touch me that i would be pregnant especially when i started seeing my menses, well that actually kept me far from boys during my secondary school until my university days.

    I would definitely give my children the sex talk but not like i was given. But when i think of it, i realized that it was that fear that kept me and with children of nowadays its only getting worse.
    Children learn very fast, they take in what they see and if u dont correct them immediately or avoid it totally. u will be in for a shocker.

    Only God can help us.

  21. Chelle

    August 19, 2013 at 11:56 am

    my mum just told me never to sit on any uncles legs again. my mother can never mention the word sex to us not to talk of pregnancy. chai that is too much for her. sometimes i notice her staring at me and i know for sure that she is wondering if i have ever had sex. i actually had my sex education in the classroom and youth fellowship which has greatly helped.

  22. Ready

    August 19, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    LMAO! Nigerian mothers are gangsta! Not one person here was given an actual sex ed class…look at all the mafia methods that were employed.
    My mom’s message when I started my period in SS1 was “don’t go to dark corners with boys”. When I told her my period had started, she literally said okay, then sighed deeply, and came to meet me in the hallway where she delivered her one-liner. Didn’t even teach me how to use a pad.
    Before I got my current bf whom she likes, she would go “Don’t let any guy have fun with you.” Mom…no fun? Really?

    • Lade

      August 19, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      I was given and in detail. When your mum gets pregnant at 21 trust me I was given very very well.

  23. naana

    August 19, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    @ riri: laughing my heart out in silent till tears dropping from my eyes.
    ur mom really is serious and thats what i say- if u don’t want monkey tail to touch you , don’t dance monkey dance.
    riri and x-factor are hilarious.hahahahahah

  24. Ok o

    August 19, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    Atoks…thank you o..This reminds me of the first time I had my period,of course my mum told me if I allowed a guy to touch me ( not even shake me ), I would get pregnant. She never for once gave me sex education and I don’t even think she even understands up till today( just like a lot of mothers don’t) the physiology of how conception takes place.It is so bad that even up till now very few parents educate their kids and some only focus on girls while boys are allowed todo whatever they like.I can remember I was in a health talk group years back and some girls do not even know there are two different openings in the perinuem,apparently they feel urine comes out from the same opening as the V……..And a while back One of my guy friends was asking me some questions about human anatomy and my other girl friend had to call me aside to stop the conversation cos it was making her feel uncomforatable.I was shocked.In this day and age,I think children should start educating themselves too,instead of spending the whole time’pinging’ and watching movie,spend some time on google and ask anything,u will find answers.Look for science books,u don’t have to be in a science class or a doctor to understand human anatomy or physiology .Be knowlegdable!

    • Ides of March

      August 20, 2013 at 6:41 am

      Dude! I was one of those who didn’t realize there were two openings, lol. I had to do some research before i realized. Shame i know

    • bee

      November 26, 2014 at 10:40 am

      Omg!! me too oh. i found out in 200 level University. i tire for awa naija “escape the akwardness” mummies. lool. Now when i’m 22 is when they want to give me sex education. thank God for the Holy Spirit that guided me. loool

    • Plush

      August 22, 2013 at 5:05 pm

      I was one of those who didn’t know there were two separate openings o! Ignorant all the way to med school, where I silently learnt from my anatomy books. Regardless of being the last girl of a family with 5 girls 🙁 Unfortunately my parents are the ‘don’t talk about it, or skim over it somehow through religious preaching, then cross fingers and hope/pray for the best!’
      Pity. Didn’t turn out bad, thank merciful God 🙂

  25. Zizzy Lucci

    August 19, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    OMG! really funny comments. Anyhoo, mum told me that if i allow any boy to touch me, i’ll get pregnant and my dad would fling me out and i’ll live under the bridge, this was when I was just 10 years old ooo. Then sometime when i was 13, i didnt see my period for like three months, i was scared to death. lol, turned out it was just some homonal issues. kai, it was very very embarrassing.

  26. Mz Socially Awkward...

    August 19, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Some of the comments here have slayed me. Lemme me stop responding like I’m the actual writer of the article…

    Speaking of whom, wait oh, so Madam Atoks. Check you trying to distract us with this Birds-and-the-Bees reminiscing so that we can forget your momentous disclosure – where you dey go?? “Moving away” in which direction exactly??? Will you still be working for BN? I have certain suspicions, given the particular time of year but is this a hiatus or a short term absence??? I don’t like change!! 🙁

    And I’m sure your R&B artiste was Banky. Truly, there has been nary a whisper of baby-mama drama concerning him…

    On the matter of sex education for young ‘uns I’m reading too many stories where people say their parents didn’t tell them a single thing about sex itself. Just plenty of warnings about consequences. That’s very worrying and we didn’t even have the internet when I was growing up so how did we get educated? Was it just sneak peaks at “Lolly” magazine (goodness, who remembers that rag and its sleazy stories?) and reading ‘Morden Biology’ that made us aware of what happens and who puts what where??

    • TA

      August 19, 2013 at 2:29 pm

      LOL! I guess you took my thoughts out of my head. I have my suspicions too since she’s going away at this time of the year…hmmm. And i guessed Banky W too. he he he!
      Me i found out how the real stuff happens during my science class on reproduction in school. My mum actually told us about sex and adjusted her explanations as we grew older but i was too embarassed to listen to her(cant imagine why i was embarassed about it though),so my mind would be far away as she was telling me about it… 🙂

    • Atoke

      August 19, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      LOL

    • Lade

      August 19, 2013 at 2:50 pm

      Atoke is going to school o. Whish one please. This time of the year me i yam thinxing Ameeerica or Canada. UK Uni’s dont open until September. Oya Atoke your secret is out. I hope it is an MSc in Creative Writing o

  27. mia

    August 19, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    @ Mz Socially Awkward, that was the whole idea, she wants it to keep ringing in your consciousness even as guys come to deceive you with sweet nothings.

    meanwhile, my mum was even better, my friend said she was so scared of her mum that the day she started her period, she felt her mum was going to kill her because she played with a boy(her neighbor) that day. she actually hid in the toilet and was crying until her dad saw her and he educated her that she was perfectly normal. Naija mothers sha.

    • tm

      August 19, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT? she cried because of her period? chai! Naija mothers

  28. eniola

    August 19, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    LMAO! Dear Atoke, bless you girl. I can totally relate with this plus i know Basin road in Ilorin. 🙂 My mum did o , not once sef, and in very embarrassing ways, using very kong Yoruba which i grew up to understand even before i visited Kwara. The way she wakes me up in the morning sef, you go fear ” dide nle obirin ni o, obo lo da de di” – ”stand up you’re a woman, it’s vagina you have covering your ass”. with not so hard or so mild abara ni o – slaps. Then once she saw a guy following me from a mallam’s kiosk through the window, while i was forming leave me o but enjoying the someone is toasting me feeling. kai kai kai, i just heard pao on my back and i saw the boy trying to run and greet my mum at the same time. Lmao! it was so funny. I heard sermon, preaching, insults, abuses etc that day and she reported me to my dad. Once she demanded to see my menstrual blood before giving me money for sanitary pad. Haa my mama, we are not close till today.

    • uh-huh

      August 19, 2013 at 4:41 pm

      OMG!!!!!! ur mom is a Nazi….what?! and here i am thinking my dad is worse….i swear that boy go see u coming one way and run the other way…….chai!! hahahahahahahahahaha

    • hot mama

      August 19, 2013 at 8:22 pm

      rotflmao…as in you just killed mi with your story walahi… haven’t laughed this hard in a while..lmao…she gave you correct bella on your back…looool

  29. Dolapo

    August 19, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    Atoke, where are you moving to? I’m blonde so I don’t have wild guesses in my head. I hope you can still send in Monday Morning Banter. Some of us start checking for it on Sundays.

  30. Dolapo

    August 19, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    Atoke, where are you moving to? I’m blonde so I don’t have wild guesses in my head. I hope you can still send in Monday Morning Banter. Some of us start checking for it on Sundays.

  31. Chic

    August 19, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Lol see African mothers when I got my period it was my older cousins who were tasked with teaching me how to use a pad and the birds and bees talk since I am the first girl for my parents imagine! When my younger cousins got their period I was then tasked with the pad and bird and bees talk it’s like a never ending cycle in my family. If I have girls I will be doing that talk myself that’s what my cousins and I have decided we will do the talk to our individual daughters ourselves no going to cousin so and so or aunty so ando so we will handle it ourselves

  32. Chic

    August 19, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    And btw kids know about sex way younger this day a friend who worked as a volunteer teacher as part of a work abroad program for her University in another African country told me how they would confiscate porn magazines and DVDs from kids as young as 9! She was telling me how this one boy used to steal them from his older brother and then charge his classmates to read the magazine or rather see photos and also for the DVDs.

  33. M'AM

    August 19, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    1 thing i’ve noticed about the sex talk issue is that the focus is mainly on the girls and not boys, and in all these comments none ever mentioned that her/his parents taught her how to protect herself from rape or harrassement. my mum gave me the if u allow a boy touch you’ll get pregnant but by the time she finally got around to saying something i was already being sexually abused by our houseboy, so she only got to do damage control. please parents and would be parents, teach your children comprehensively all the need to know about sex, watch them like a hawk at a tender age so you can better protect them from bad uncles/cousins/house boys and the like and when it’s time for them to go off on their own, teach them how to protect themselves and know when to stay away from situations and places that could give room for harrassment, above all parents please please teach your boys not to be rapists by making them understand from a tender age that women aren’t sex objects but human beings as well and bringing them up in the fear of the Lord.

  34. Lani

    August 19, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    My mom is amazing. She told me ‘sex is sweet, very sweet but your visa to sex is marriage’. She also told me if I keep myself till I am married, she would give me a wonderful present. Knowing my mother, I am expecting big big thingsssss. Yes, I am keeping myself. Not because of a present but by choice.
    My dad on the other hand warned me about HIV/AIDS. And he explained everything, sex positions and bodily secretions. He does it regularly and it is always a very painful discussion. Up to now, every 6 months, I get an HIV/AIDS lecture. My parents have been very open to me about sex and I intend to do the same with my kids.

  35. Jiddah

    August 19, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    I am totally floored by most of the comments on here.

    One of my friends claims that her mother cooked her her favorite meal of fried rice with chicken when she saw her first period, to celebrate her becoming a woman, the birds and the bees talk came before.

  36. uh-huh

    August 19, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    most of y’all r lucky u get to hear “the talk” from ur mothers, mine was my dad and at a verrrry tender age till i turn 18. my mom died when i was 6 and i have 2 older sister before me and then 2 younger sisters after me, so in all we are 5 girls, one oldest boy and later on my dads second marriage the youngest boy (12 years now). we didnt actually have the talk, i just overheard my dad warning my 2 elder sister (mainly the oldest) about getting pregnant. he told us that, hes a guy with 5 girls and that if we let a boy come near us not to talk of touching us that we’ll get pregnant and since hes a guy and dont know what to do abt it, he’ll marry that person off to an old guy who is old enough to be our grand father. because we live in a story building, we were allowed to stay downstairs till 6pm, if the dude catch u downstairs a minute past 6, u probably should start singing “this world is not my home”…. mehn that guy put the fear of God in us. and the best part is that all the guys in my neighborhood is so scared of my dad to even talk to my eldest sister, since my second sister said she wanna be a nun, so my first sister was a target. she didnt date till she turned 21, can u imagine? but that made us kind scared abt getting pregnant. Although we have my grandma to teach us all that but the lady is all the way in the village, we only get to visit her once or twice a yr. i remember one guy in my neighborhood whose wife gave birth to a kid and my dad let me go help him with some domestic stuff because the guy respects my dad alot, so he let me go. i remember that guy asking me to dance with him, he put his hands around me and start touching my butt, i ran away from there like a gazelle, and i went to the mirror looking at myself, asking myself if am pregnant, now it sound hilarious but back then it wasnt. so after my dad died when i turned 19, i still remember all those things he told us, abt keeping ourselves for our husband and my sisters have been doing that, both older sisters are married and have their first sex with their husbands. and i pray that God give me the strength to do the same too.
    Talking to kids abt sex at a very young age is the best option and what to do in a situation when they find themselves in one. my 16 yr old cousin got pregnant, and her parents are the strictest parents in the world, they didnt know what to do so they have to accept it, my aunt will not talk to her kids abt sex all she does is pamper them, make sure they eat and do their homeworks and thats it….i mean come on now….that girl sits in her room watching “16 and pregnant” , whenever i come to her room and saw her watching it, she goes “hey did u see what they did to this girl? just cus she got pregnant, and she get to be on TV” and nobody cares till she got pregnant, her dad stop talking to her as if that will solve the problem,

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 19, 2013 at 10:15 pm

      Your dad sounds like an amazing Poppa, it seems he tried
      his darnedest to raise his girls properly. Maybe not the most
      informative source on the subject of sex-ed but I wish there were
      more fathers like him… Praying that God also gives you the
      strength you need to keep your promise.

  37. Woman

    August 20, 2013 at 9:18 am

    Atoke really knows how to give topic for discussion and all these stories, some are WOW!! Ghetto mothers as someone said. Lol.
    My mum is quite shy so the talk was uncomfortable for both of us but basically was don’t let any boys near u, talkless of touching u. My dad more action man just made sure I had a room to myself and no boys allowed, I can go to my brothers room but they can’t enter mine, lol. After secondary school my dad while gisting with me suddenly asked if I had a boyfriend, I vehemently denied it, then he said whether I tell him the truth or not, if I get pregnant, abortion is alu (forbidden in igbo) in this family. He will find the boy, marry us and pay our first year house rent for us, from there on we are on our own. Remembering that statement I always laugh hard. I understood my parents would support me but getting pregnant should be after marriage.
    I believe sex education should be more elaborate than that, for both male and female children. Children are soooooo exposed these days. Many of us who didn’t get much info from our parents learnt from biology class and other friends. I don’t think its taboo at all for children to know parts of their bodies. The more we teach and satisfy their curiosity at home, the more confident adults they become. What words or language one wishes to use is personal but should be as realistic as possible in my own opinion.

  38. divea

    August 20, 2013 at 10:27 am

    Lol…the comments here are hilarious. Well, my mum never did tell me anything about birds and bees. In fact when I saw my menses (didn’t know what it was then) I ran to my mum shouting and crying that blood is coming out of my V. It was then she gave me a pad and showed me how to use it.

  39. Ayobami

    August 20, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    When I was around 11 or 12 years old and had to go to boarding school, my mum told me that girls are like oranges that we peel,suck and throw the remnants away.She emphasised the need to keep myself..I carried the discussion with me and it helped me alot.

  40. mia

    August 23, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Atoke has travelled and no more BN: Hot Topic. i dey miss am badly o

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