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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Cringe, Doctor, Cringe

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It is truly a good thing to be alive and well. We made it to the end of September and I’m really grateful to be healthy. We pump in so much junk in our bodies that it is truly a miracle the things still work. (As I type this I have the blackest and strongest cup of coffee on my desk… don’t judge. There’s so much to do and so little time in one day).
I went away for the weekend and I wasn’t particularly looking forward to the 4 hour trip back home. As I sat there watching the the houses speed past I noticed that the little boy beside me coughing. It was like once in 15 minutes and then it became more frequent. I panicked. I don’t want to fall ill and have to go to visit the doctor. I don’t have a fear of doctors really, I’d just rather NOT have to visit them.

You see long time I didn’t know what it meant to have a headache. I had this family friend who used to faint a lot and it helped her get a lot of days in the sick bay.I wanted to know why people took Phensic. Was it sweet? Did it make people buzz? I wasn’t so lucky. I remember thinking, if only I could have one of those things that gave Yemisi the dizzy spells all the time. Then, I’d just faint and I wont have to worry about LaCombes for a few days.

I was a perfectly healthy child until it became increasingly difficult to breathe and sleep through the night. They said it was tonsillitis and I was to have tonsillectomy. The doctor explained it to me that he was going to have something removed from my throat and I’d be able to breathe better and I’d grow up to be strong and healthy. I remember my dad saying that if I learned to spell tonsillitis and tonsillectomy I’d get loads and loads of Walls ice cream. The ice cream was actually recommended for post-surgery recovery.

Anyway, after the surgery at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital, there was no room in the ENT ward. (Ear, Nose & Throat) and so I was wheeled into the ‘Gynae’ ward for recovery time. There were beds of women laid out before me.
All the doctors that attended to us while I was in the hospital were male doctors. They were kind, patient and they smiled a lot which was a good thing. As I grew older and I recalled my time in LUTH, I always thought I’d probably be very uncomfortable if a male doctor had so much freedom with my Lady Bits.  When my cousin’s baby was being born, I remember being in the room and when the doctor came to check if she was well and truly dilated, he stuck his fingers right there, flexed them and turned them left and right.

I wasn’t the one being probed but I was so embarrassed. My cousin was a nurse, she worked in that hospital and the guy checking her was basically her colleague.  When I asked her later on if she was shy she said “Please at that time that was the least of my worries”. I found that a lot of women honestly don’t care who’s checking at that time because all they want is for the pain to stop.

Embarrassing medical moments seem like the highest level of mortifying experiences because it just feels so personal and it’s not just women who feel this. My friend, Dipo, told me of how he had gone to check his penis as he had noticed a few rashes. He went to a teaching hospital because he didn’t want to run into any of his cronies in any private hospital. Unfortunately for him, while he was being examined, a consultant decided to take medical students on rounds. Half an hour later and he was still there with his penis being used as case study by the doctors-to-be. I don’t think he’s going to ask any female doctor out in a long time.

Have a fabulous week ahead. October is THE BEST month of the year so make sure you go into it and have a blast. Please share your most embarrassing medical moments with me. Have you ever had to be examined by one hot guy that you’ve been feeling fresh for? Share your most cringe-worthy stories with us. It’s a really beautiful day, let’s kick it off with a smile on our faces.

Have fun, live well, be happy.

Peace, love & cupcakes!


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You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.

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