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Ifesinachi Okoli-Okpagu: Boys Are Raped Too

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If your Facebook wall has not been crawling with heated arguments these past few weeks, it’s either your friends are ignorant or you are living in ignorance. The Obesere rape accusation has also opened a can of slithering worms such that the past few days, my Facebook wall has been crawling with different posts about and against rape, and women have risen as one showing their fury over the increasing rape cases in Nigeria.

Not that I think the cases are increasing. Rape has always been there. The difference is that now we have Social Media to blow our trumpet for u. So when a celebrity makes a joke out of rape, he becomes the target of our frustration over a dehumanisation that has refused to go away. Women have ranted, journalists have written with burning pens, people have cried out. Even three weeks ago a woman, who launched a non-governmental organisation, visited my church and exposed her story to the congregation of how she was raped at gunpoint and you should have seen the reactions after her ‘testimony’. I held the arms of my chair throughout her story withholding myself from punching the male seated next to me. Through it all, it has been clear that men deserve the missiles thrown by women.

But surprisingly, amidst all that noise on my Facebook wall, a male voice rose with an interesting remark – boys are raped too.

This male voice, name withheld, was filled with anger, perhaps over the fact that we women were blaming 99% of men of being likely to rape under several circumstances. The statistics, maybe or maybe not exaggerated by helpless women like myself who have heard several rape horror stories, must have fuelled his anger to blurt out that women are to be blamed too. According to him, several men were disvirgined as children, most often by the female house-helps these male children were left with at home or even female relatives. In the case where a (female or male) minor is taken advantage of by an older individual, be it male or female, it is termed ‘rape’.

Of course, his post did not get a single ‘Like’, the last time I checked. I mean, his voice is just one opposing a million; minority vs. majority. Right?

But I noticed because I remembered that I heard from male friends how they were introduced to sex by bored or sexually starved female house-helps who were left to care for them, and I imagined the confusion these male children would have been subjected to when ‘Aunty’ starts fondling their private parts. Now, fast forward years later when these men, filled with shame and unable to report such cases to their parents as children, grow to become adults with women all over the place; in their heads, ‘these women who have taught them that they like to be touched’. What would their reaction be? Would the story become an endless circle spinning round and round without an end? Do these incidents have a psychological effect on the society as a whole? Can women and men be hurting each other in the long run?

These abused men may be in the minority, and surely not all abused men have turned out to be potential rapists and not all rapists were abused at one time in their lives, but something happened somewhere along the line, most likely during those formative years. Sadly, this minor issue is one threatening an entire gender. Ironic.

So, at whose feet do we lay the blame?

Perhaps, we should blame mothers for not being open enough to discuss these ‘abominable’ topics with their children, both male and female. Perhaps, we should blame men for not controlling themselves no matter what psychological issues they are dealing with (yes, men who rape have deep psychological issues). Perhaps, we should blame these house-helps we can never really trust to care for our children – both male and female – but in whom we must depend on to survive in these harsh economies. Perhaps, we should blame the government for not taking the issue of rape as seriously as they should. Perhaps, we should blame each other for not being our neighbours’ keepers – no one can be trusted these days.

Whoever you think is right or wrong, can we please decide on who is to blame? So we can all carry our pitchforks to their doorsteps and demand that the horrors of rape stop, because we have had enough of it.

No matter who is to blame, like a Facebook friend said (paraphrased): “It does not matter if a man finds a naked woman twerking on his bed, if she says NO, she really, really means NO”.

Photo Creditfootage.shutterstock.com

_____________________________________________________________________________________
Ifesinachi is a writer and brand strategist. She blogs at www.meetifesinachi.com. You can also reach her via twitter @ifesinachio_o

61 Comments

  1. Leggy

    March 13, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    Are you for real? Who’s to blame? The rapist is to blame. No one else causes rape but rapists. It’s about time we stop teaching “don’t be raped” and start teaching “don’t rape”.

    • kb

      March 15, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      The case of rape always bothered me because it sometimes happened when u dont really expect it and one of the reasons it happens frequently these days is the rate at which our teenagers are exposed to sexual acts.. but i strongly believed in d laid down punishments for d rapist by Alnighty GOD, the big problem at hand is that we human being has neglected the rules and regulations of Almighty GOD and tried to create our own which can not help our problems.

  2. iyke

    March 13, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    Decide on who is to blame??? Blame it on POWER!( Physical/Psychological).
    Sexual harassment and rape is all about power. Who ever has the power over the other is the manipulator as a such should be held responsible! Moments to reconsider your options is now…

  3. greenb

    March 13, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    This is a very interesting point. No one should be raped no matter what gender

    • Uche Ugo

      March 13, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      summary of the piece. nice to know someone got it.

    • Iris

      March 13, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      No I don’t think that was the take-away message at all. We are looking for who to blame (male or female) and the answer is the rapist. Your parents or the environment you grew up in may be secondary factors but at the end of the day you who decided to violate another human being by force – boy, girl, man, woman – are inexcusably guilty.

    • Busarni

      March 13, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      tanx, tell the dimwit @iyke, comprehending things is not his forte. still waiting for his invention; ova sabi

    • no smart names

      March 14, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      @busarni, iyke is correct. it’s all about power, physical or psychological. The abuse of that power results in rape, among other things.

    • Hurperyearmie

      March 13, 2014 at 4:50 pm

      supported nobody deserves to be raped male or female

  4. naana

    March 13, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    agree with greenb.

  5. @edDREAMZ

    March 13, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    This is a dope point…. It’s about time we stop teaching “don’t be raped” and start teaching “don’t rape”……
    .
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  6. D'Mamma

    March 13, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    True. Most guys I knw were sexually abused by female house helps at a very tender age. For some odd reason they don’t term it abuse. I dunno why

  7. Neo

    March 13, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    The issue is an entire change of orientation. It goes beyond rape to the increasing fascination with sex. We have seen videos of children engaged in sexual acts and it is borne from a generation that has become increasingly fascinated with sex. When it becomes a thing to hide, a taboo topic, bad words that fascination increases and builds in the mind. My sister was called to school once because her four year old said a “bad word” She got there to discover that he had said a fellow classmate kicked a ball and it hit his penis. what was the bad word? She was confused? Penis? Isnt it a valid body part?

    She has her kids reading books on sexual harassment and the implications as soon as they can read. They may be “too forward” but trust me they are less likely to be harassed by one househelp and not talk about it.

    Orientation should extend to existing laws on rape that suggest a man cannot be raped in the legal sense since the act of rape involves penetration which a woman cannot do.

    • NUR

      March 14, 2014 at 8:24 pm

      I strongly disagree with the part that a male can not be raped by a female. no one said the penetration has to be with a penis….

  8. Chyoma

    March 13, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    so bad

  9. SisiRomi

    March 13, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    This article is all over the place. First, people who have not witnessed heated conversation on their Facebook walls do not have ignorant friends or live in ignorance. It just means that we don’t follow pop culture news , have friends from diversified backgrounds that are not into Nigerian pop culture news or many other reasons particular to other people. Second, you start off saying boys are raped too and proceed to blame the house helps and female relatives for touching them. Are we going to deny male househelps and male relatives are not touching these boys? Third, who is to say a greater percentage of male rapists were raped by someone when they were younger.? Being raped as a child is not a causation to raping someone as an adult. Please let us refrain from writing with emotions and prepare a writeup with valid research. Have a theme and stick to it next time because what you have ended up doing is taking blame from male rapists and shifting it to female rapists. No one is to blame but the rapist. Do you know what psychological battles protectors go through when the people under their care reveal that they have been taken advantage of? Let us blame the rapist and refrain from shaming the victims who are bold enough to recount their experiences.

    • Dr. N

      March 13, 2014 at 6:25 pm

      Your points are valid but, I don’t think her article is all over the place. She simply raised questions for us to answer. Many boys are molested by men and are afraid to speak up. I think we are perpetuating the act by tolerating the amount of”twerking” on our screens. Can’t we come together and fight for less obscene video, billboards and the like? The amount of sexual info out there gives the impression that women mean yes when they say no! Rem rapists are imbalanced. They see a woman giving them the come hither on the screen. She is out of reach but, his neighbour’s child is not. Voila! He projects d image in his mindo onto him or her. There are so many other reasons for rape but this is 1 of those we can do something about. Let us teach children to respect the rights of others, to scream and run away from molesters, and report all attempts, even by family members. drnsmusings.wordpress.com

    • Leggy

      March 13, 2014 at 7:53 pm

      So twerking is why there are rapists? Are you actually listening to yourself? Rape has been there wayyy before television was invented. What exactly does twerking have to do with rape please?

    • SisiRomi

      March 13, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      Your reply lost all validity at “perpetuating…twerking.” NO ONE has the right to rape another because of the sexualization of females in music videos or even real life. A female music vixen does not depict my narrative as a corporate woman or graduate student or groundnut seller so therefore I should not be subjected to the same stereotypes of her. In a perfect world, a female
      music vixen would not be raped because she displayed come hither looks in the last popular video. The movement to censor sexual acts on our TVs is a different one that should never be associated with the fight to end rape. Women mainstream sexualization should not be listed as a causation of rape. Someone already mentioned it but Dr. N, I believe by your comment you are teaching people “not to get raped” instead of “Don’t rape.” This ought not to be so.

    • SisiRomi

      March 13, 2014 at 9:38 pm

      I don’t think I explained something: because a video vixen, Jenny is sexualizing herself on screen does not mean Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane and Jill should have the inclination to rape me due to the sexual acts Jenny was depicting on screen. In a perfect world, they will be able to dissociate her onscreen role from her day to day persona and not rape her.

    • http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com/

      March 14, 2014 at 7:28 am

      Honestly that first paragraph put me off. Who are you to call me ignorant based on what or what isn’t on my Facebook wall. Quite frankly I don’t know what my timeline is like because I don’t really care for social networks. But after reading this write up, Dear writer, I can confidently say that I am far more aware than you are. Be careful with the words you use. Do not be insulting because you’re trying to write a thought-provoking piece, that just makes your article seem weak and forced.
      Dr N, I usually agree with you, but not this time. Rape has been there long before (twerking). I don’t think what’s generally shown on TV has got anything to do with rape.
      While most teenage boys were introduced to sex by their house helps, the MAJORITY actually demanded sex FROM their house helps (what do you call that?). Pls ask questions dear writer. For a lot of young boys it was a right of passage. I’ve seen households where all the teenage brothers are “doing” the maid. I’ve heard people proudly say how they screwed all the helps who worked in their houses when they were teenagers. And if you want to know why that kind of “rape” doesn’t get talked about, it’s because in most cases it is not traumatizing as it is when a female, a member of “the weaker sex” is raped.
      Who’s to blame for rape? The rapist of course.
      Lastly, your last sentence made me even more annoyed than I was by your first. “If you find a woman twerking naked in your bed” reminds me of what we call in law ‘contributory negligence’. You should be telling women NOT to put theirselves in situations that can put them at risk, not making them think that it’s ok to seduce a guy in his own bed, just as long as she says No. Quite silly if you ask me.

    • John de Beloved

      March 14, 2014 at 8:29 am

      I couldnt agree with you more… Your comment has earned you my full support and respect.. ladies often times put themselves in positions that make them WANTED. i dont support RAPE as its totally wrong, but like in the case of the Obesere rape, the lady went to the guys place alone at night… think of it! had she gone at day time and with someone, the Rape would never had occured… I am a guy and my Blood is raging with hormones, i wont ever rape any one cause i am knowledgible, but think of the less educated (like Obesere). And big thanks to the media for being RAPES biggest fan… Strange world we live in, NBC only bans videos on the news and on blogs, but when i tune to SoundCity and HIPtv i still see those “Banned” videos.. the lawlessness of Nigeria must stop… it is deplorably annoying.

    • KD

      March 14, 2014 at 9:42 am

      This your comment on majority get as e be o. The truth is that loads of young boys are usually abused by house maids first. When the house maid gives them the experience and leaves, they now demand from any other house maid that comes. the first experience triggers that.

    • Irritated

      March 14, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Thank You!!! What writer does that (its not even a satirical piece). I read a whole lot, yet this subject hasn’t come up on my wall, how does that make me ignorant! When did Facebook become the parameter for measuring people’ s intelligence anyway?!

  10. Hurperyearmie

    March 13, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    APROCO! APROCO!! APROCO!!! i don’t know how to pass this message to B.N and am so sorry to divert this post i just saw this caption: NAFDAC SET TO BAN DENCIA’S BLEACHING CREAM. Please make confirmation and get back to us as soon as possible tanks

  11. BubblyBliss

    March 13, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Nobody is saying men don’t get raped too. If no one speaks about men being raped, no one will hear about it.
    Women are much more vocal about these things, this is the major difference. So a woman speaking about her experience and vehemently standing up against it takes nothing away from the man who decides to speak up against his.
    I am completely AGAINST rape regardless of gender. Thank you for speaking up for men

  12. portable

    March 13, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    Very valid point the author of this piece has made. From gisting with a good number of guys, I have come to realize that 7 out 0f 10 guys were introduced to sex by older females they looked up to one way or another; house helps, older neighbors, school teachers, older cousin and all such. maybe a woman cant penetrate, but she can very well guide/instruct/command the poor boy to do it. and that is still rape! or at least, a major infringement of the boy’s right to discover sex at the ripe age. she has not only introduced his body to sex, she has given him a new thinking pattern. I am female and I cannot stand news of rape, especially pedophilia which is outright sick but I think in protecting our kids, we shouldn’t focus just on the girls, the boys are get abused too.

  13. Noble (http://www.lagosconvo.com)

    March 13, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    and those guys that use their eyes (Aba n’anya) to tear people’s dresses should stop it too

  14. me

    March 13, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    Parents always take care of and guide and pray for your kids do all d necessary
    It is not by force to have kids you cannot pray or see vision for.

  15. me

    March 13, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    Parents are to blame.

  16. D.U

    March 13, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    This article is indeed all over the place. Got to the end wondering and?? so… what’s the point being made? And if it’s a call for a party to blame then its not worth being written, should have been shared with a few friends without being news. The Blame Game has never solved anything or made any situation better. Rape, Murder, Theft happens because human beings are human beings and will only resist harming one another when sanctions are in place. Period. Where there are tough sanctions, bad behaviour is limited and where sanctions cannot be secured, the reverse happens. So rape is everywhere, every country, every state – only difference is the effectiveness of the law that prevents it.

  17. Ifesinachi

    March 14, 2014 at 12:28 am

    The article just informs people to be more mindful of the fact that boys are raped too and can turn out to be dangerous adults. So parents should watch their male children as closely as they would their girl children. If the article seems all over the place, pardon. BN changed titles and it affected the theme of the piece.
    Thank you for your comments.

  18. Ifesinachi

    March 14, 2014 at 12:29 am

    The article just informs people to be more mindful of the fact that boys are raped too and can turn out to be dangerous adults. So parents should watch their male children as closely as they would their girl children. If the article seems all over the place, pardon. BN changed titles and it affected the theme of the piece.
    Thank you for your comments.

  19. nhia

    March 14, 2014 at 1:16 am

    bet Dr.N, your grandmother was probably twerking. Some traditional dances, no be twerk be that? abegggii

    • Dr. N

      March 14, 2014 at 10:28 am

      You know my grandma? Wow! Talk about personal. My comment was misunderstood. If u take time to read beyond d word twerking, u will notice that it is d innocent not d twerkers who usually get molested. I simply suggested 1 out of several solutions cos she asked d way forward. No it is not a perfect world. I hope everyone felt better after letting off the steam. Talk about cyber bullying! Lolllllllllllll.

  20. IY

    March 14, 2014 at 1:52 am

    i get d point and yeah it’s a disgusting cycle.no1 should be raped.male or female.it’s very inhuman

  21. El patron medellin cartel

    March 14, 2014 at 5:22 am

    BuT why should you twerk naked on my bed?! And say no is no! May God give us power,control and will to restraint from Daughters Of Jezebel.

  22. KD

    March 14, 2014 at 9:37 am

    i de vex … i am vexed!!!Rape is a terrible experience, female or male and it is good that media is increasing the awareness. My only problem is this; a good number of rapist also include the uneducated fellas, agberos, street thugs, omo onile and co. these guys dont have access to bella naija, LIB, facebook or any other form of medium. so the big question is: how do we get through to them?
    To those saying in a perfect world,… Hello!! this is not a perfect world, it is far from perfect!! For me, my daughter will learn self protection skills, taekwando, judo and start going to the gym early, so she wont be the weeker sex!! Even if this is not 100% security against rape… The only solution to this rape saga is a dealth penalty for the rapist, thats all. check the abused in a medical facility and confirm if there was rape, if there was, no need to prolongthe case in court to hear the why from the rapist… just hang them,,, thats all. no excuse not even if she was twerking on your bed,, leave the bed na. i de vex abeg!! GEJ will turn a blind eye on this one o. even with all the noise Reno is silent.

    • Ifesinachi

      March 14, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      I wish there was a like button on BN for your comment.

    • Omo1

      March 14, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      Just want to pick something from a point you made. A good number of rapists could also be MORE of the well educated fellas..only difference is when this happens, you might not get to hear of it as much as you would hear a case as it happens in one local part of the state/country or involving some low life, poverty stricken people (sorry for the use of such words) who always needs the government’s intervention to bring such people to book
      On the other hand, rape involving the the more enlightened class of people are usually hushed up, probably cos such ones do not want to be stigmatised kindof..trust me, such rapes happens all the time and usually goes unreported

    • SisiRomi

      March 14, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      In a perfect world does not necessary mean the writer thinks the world is perfect. The writer is sometimes giving feasible solutions to the problem. And no, you can’t hang someone to death without a trial. That would be jungle justice. I do support females and males protecting themselves from rape so I agree with you on teaching your daughter these skills.

    • SisiRomi

      March 14, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      On solutions: there should be billboards and ads (Internet, blogs, Tv,
      Radios) saying “No means No” and other rape warnings. Include the penalty for convictions in the ads and when convicted punish to the fullest extent of the law and use convicts as example. Ads were all over my uni due to date rape and rave rapes. I’ld like to think they were somewhat effective because the stats went down after my completion at the school. Now, who will post all these ads? That’s were the problem starts. And it’s not only uneducated people that rape. Bella Naija can co-sponsor with all of the other blogs and have a campaign that last for a certain period of time. Your ad revenue will not take much of a hit :p

  23. biodun

    March 14, 2014 at 10:34 am

    It is very real, boys get raped by maid, big sis, teacher, and aunt.

  24. temitope

    March 14, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    I don’t tink obesere can do such a tin jare…

    • B!

      March 14, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      Even if he did, would he tell you?

  25. temitope

    March 14, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    nawa ooooo

  26. SoChi

    March 14, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    On one hand, we need to educate parents on looking out for both genders. We need a reorientation on this rights of passage nonsense that boys are fed at a young age. We need to watch the help services that we let into our homes. We need to teach our girls that putting yourself in risky situations has consequences because some people are just too weak, or stupid to listen to a strong NO. You know how you walk in a dangerous neighborhood and you stay alert, or you go to a parking lot at night alone and you have your keys ready to let you in to that car so you can drive off, we need to educate both genders (esp women) on how to always be on guard, because we live in a crazy world. On the same hand, we need to stop placing blame on the victim. A rapist is usually a man/woman that you know or trust. To be honest, twerking naked on someone’s bed and screaming no is an extreme example but I hope no sensible woman is doing this and hoping not to send off the wrong signals. If you are gyrating naked on the bed of a psycho, he will not even hear your no.

    Now to the writer, I’m trying not to take offense to the start of your write up or maybe I am just overly sensitive but you are a writer…do you get people to read your pieces by abusing them first? I am not sure why my friends would be called ignorant for not spreading the Obasere gist…gist that is still up in the air and not proven. Thank you for the article though.

  27. anwuli

    March 15, 2014 at 1:50 am

    Your very first comment is quite offending – “If your Facebook wall has not been crawling with heated arguments these past few weeks, it’s either your friends are ignorant or you are living in ignorance.”
    What made you qualified to make that call?

  28. Author Unknown

    March 15, 2014 at 3:53 am

    A male cannot legally be raped by a female, for obvious reasons. Sexual assault maybe, but not rape. A male can rape another male though.

  29. Warren

    March 16, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Rape is rape and the rapist is always to blame – entirely. It doesn’t matter if a girl wears the skimpiest clothes; if she says no it means no. Heck, even having sex with another person who is not in their right frame of mind is rape; i’m talking about taking advantage of drunk people or those on drugs. We spend time teaching our girls not to dress in a certain manner so as to reduce their chances of being raped but we do not make any real efforts to teach our sons about respect for the opposite gender.
    If you think the high sexual content on tv is a factor for the increase in rapes, you are fooling yourself. Actually the areas with the highest rape rates do not have much access to modern tech. If it were left to me, rapists would be given the longest prison sentences or most severe of whatever punishment has been set aside by the judicial system.

  30. Temi

    March 17, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    My story is so different to this…I met a guy through a friend and she told me of how nice this guy is. As an introvert minding my own business I decided to try this being introduced to a guy. However, on meeting the guy he was charming, easy to talk to as oppose to what I expected. We met up 2 weeks after talking on phone. The day we finally met he came to mine and as he lives so far told him he can stay in my room and leave in the morning . I live in a 2 bedroom flat, with my cousin in the other room, so I stayed the night with my cousin. He came again to see me a month after and I was like okay I kind of know this guy now and it should be okay to share my room with him knowing he does not believe in sex before marriage. I was glad that he didnt even try to touch me over night so I became comfortable with him. We became good friends until when after a month he asked me out. We agreed with see each other at least once a week. unfortunately for him on one of my visits to his, he left his phone by the bed side and when it rang i could see the name. It was a woman on his phone and it was said Sara. So when he came out of his bathroom, I told him Sara called, he was like its my cousin. Anyways not long after that my phone rang and it was my brother whom I am used to calling Boochi. It was like a joke when he said who are you talking to and I said my brother. Next thing i heard was a big slap across my face and before i knew it, he held me down and was saying so you can be speaking to another man..I didnt have enough time to respond and before I knew it, I was being raped. I thought maybe it would happen only once because he said he was sorry after. Unfortunately after two weeks we met in a party because I had been avoiding him since then. It was a house party and because people had been seeing us together they assumed we were already together. When the party got a little boring I sneaked into my friend’s room to get some sleep, locked the door with the keys and slept. I didnt realise this guy was now obsessed with me that he came in through the window. He raped me not once but twice. he tied me to the bed and guaged my mouth. When the ordeal was over, as per its naija…i wore my clothes back and ran out till i was back in my house and cried bitterly and then I called my friend that introduced us together that why did he let this happen to me. I told him the full story and she told she would sort it out. Unfortunately, she forgot to switch off the phone i used to call her whilst on the other line to him. I heard clearly that he had two baby mothers already with 3 kids in between them. It was then I remembered that all through I didn’t think of if he had on a condom during sex but i remember seeing him putting it on. However, I have been feeling very ill lately and I am scared to talk to anyone about it. He has been calling me and threatening me that If I am pregnant, I must not get rid of it because girls that have tried it have died because it is a taboo in his tradition to abort a baby from where he is from in Delta. By the way am yoruba. I do not know what to do. I may be pregnant but I need advice.

    Now i know that I cant trust my friends anymore and I have become more introvert than before. I asked what I did to her but she said she just wanted me to be married and she thought she knew the guy before she also heard him tell her he has 3 kids. This man is 37 by the way and i am in my late 20’s.

    Help anyone advise me what to do…

    • Soldier

      March 20, 2014 at 11:38 am

      My dear, this is not your fault. This man is an animal and a sadist. You have been a victim of rape, false imprisonment, domestic violence, harassment (stalking) and deception. You can recover from this and be healed. To move forward, you must get to the doctor immediately to check on your health so you can know what to do next. You alone have to take this step for yourself. Also consider reporting this man to the authorities. I will be praying for you.

    • Mariaah

      April 1, 2014 at 10:59 am

      OMG! Temi I am so sorry this happened to you. First of all, go check yourself out in the hospital. Check for pregnancy and STD/STI!! My God that Man is evil! Forget about his silly threat. Nothing will happen to you, you won’t die (in the case of his silly tradition). You aren’t married to him. You OWN your body, pray about it and do what suits you the most hugs darling.. 🙂

      I pray you heal nicely. 🙂

  31. Tade

    March 18, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    No one listen to this kind of stories. Its a culture all over the world no one want to hear the man’s/boys story. Men’s troubles and there woes is not the business anyone neither is a news in anyway. Boys are raped too…really ? The denial of the suffering of the modern males does not discount the validity of boys suffering. We need help too.

  32. Tade

    March 19, 2014 at 12:11 am

    Really so there are still people like you in 2014 peeeeeeewwwww. Last thing I pray for in life is your type of intelligence. If you have never been a victim of a crime don’t ever assume it cannot be committed…… Hope u are are not a judge because u would definitely deny people justice. Am not saying you are shallow just surprised.

  33. entrepreneurs factory

    March 19, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    who should the boys cry to?

  34. Soldier

    March 19, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    Truth is there are hundreds of boys in boarding schools in Nigeria who have been molested and raped by older seniors. This is one truth Nigeria is not ready for. I know that this has happened from counselling adult men who were left feeling dirty and confused about their sexuality. When your first sexual experience as a young boy is with another man … nothing but scars.

    • chi-e-z

      March 23, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      I have a feeling that is a topic that really needs to be discussed. I will be scared and extremely mad if something like that happened to my son or brother s how do we shine the spotlight on this topic to eradicate it.

  35. chi-e-z

    March 23, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Menh this topic hit home to much for me. I used to talk to my bff about what happened to me when I was younger and he’d relay his painful experience and I always felt like there was more to it like there was more to his expeience but he felt he had to be Macho for me. My question is how do you get a man love to open up to you if he has ever been raped or should you?

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