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Isio Knows Better: The Rape Story

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Isio Wanogho - Fayrouz Valentine Mixologist - BellaNaija - February - 2014 001I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio.

So, here’s to making private conversations public.

Enjoy!
***

Once I knew a girl. I knew her as a child. I know her now as a woman. She is still becoming. She is strong, beautiful. She was adored. Yet there was something about her; an absent-ness, a vague-ness, a sadness that I just couldn’t fathom. There was an aloofness to her grace. It was there when I looked into her eyes. It was there in her smile. It was there in her being. I watched her love. It was complete, unconditional, powerful, yet detached. I had seen her anger, it was like an ocean and its turbulent flood. And the men came. Magnetized by this wild, unaffected nature’s child. In dozens, they came. In droves, they came confident that they could possess this creature. Make her theirs. Many failed. Many more tried. Still, many proposed.

And so it was that as a student, there came along a suitor of hers. He had tried to embrace her. I saw her smile as she wiggled out of his longing embrace. She wasn’t rude; actually she was never rude, that one. She was just “absent”. Then, he asked her a question , that 10 years down the line, still inspires me to share my friend’s story.

“Do you even know what you are running from? You keep running from me, yet I am beginning to wonder, are you running away from something, or running towards something else?” This was the first time she actually saw him. She looked into his eyes and paused for a moment, then she whispered, “I honestly don’t know…” He didn’t stay long after that. She told him she had to go. So, I asked her the same question – why she was so cold. The answer she gave me chilled me to my soul.

“You don’t know all of me, Isio. I know you think you do. You don’t know my scars. They look at me and all they see is a beautiful face. You don’t know my pain. The things I wish to forget. Do you think I like being this way? Not being able to connect…to feel, to trust? Listen, it is what it is. I will tell you one of the things that happened to me years ago, and while it has been years and I have dealt with it, I cannot deny that it changed me fundamentally. I was raped once… then taunted by the guy and his friends. It traumatized me”.

Oh wow! How did I not know this? I asked myself. I just stared at her in shock.

“I was young,” she sighed. “It was a hot, horrible day. There was traffic everywhere. No taxis, no buses. I had been waiting on the side of the road. It was two hours before I decided to search for one, by walking from street to street with both my arms laden with heavy bags. I was so tired and sore. Then I saw my neighbor. Actually, he saw me and honked me down and screamed my name. He said he was going home and that he would give me a ride. Being neighbors, and him being someone I knew, I sighed in relief. By this time, I was soaked in sweat. I was so grateful. I thought he was a saviour,” she laughed bitterly.

“He said we were going home. We were supposed to go home. Then he told me he needed to make a quick stop. His house keys were at his friend’s. What did I know? When I remained in the car, he asked me to come in; he promised that we wouldn’t be long. He said that we should say hello, that how rude of him it would be, to just leave me in the car, in the hot sun, especially considering the day that I had had.”

We got into the house. There were two friends there. They start to play music. He offered me a drink. I refused. He asked me why I was so “stiff”; I was being a “J.J.C”, that I should act mature. Still, I refused to drink. He goes off to converse with his “friends”. He came back and began to dance. He asked me to dance with him. I tell him that I don’t dance. He insisted. I knew I was in trouble before he yanked me to my feet. I was young; I was naïve. What did I know about sex? I knew nothing about rape. I mean I knew of it, but I didn’t know what rape was. It wasn’t my reality. At that age, all I was concerned about was Organic Chemistry, playing with my friends, and being a child.”

I tried to run for the door, but it was locked. He was so strong. He dragged me along the floor to a nearby room. I was kicking and scraping, trying to hold on to anything to even the odds against my tormentor. At this point, I was shouting and screaming for help…

…and crying.

I begged him. I begged him. And I cried from my soul. I cried to God. My tormentor laughed. He pinned me to the floor and grinded his pelvis against mine as he forced his lips on mine for a wet sloppy kiss. It was the most disgusting feeling in the world. I wished the floor would open up and swallow me. I couldn’t move nor breathe. He was so strong. And he kept laughing at me. Why wouldn’t someone help me? Somewhere out there his friends heard my screams and ignored it. And I died”

“I don’t remember much after that. I know we read about black outs and losing your memory after a traumatic experiences. I never thought it would happen to me. I remember just three things – begging him to wear a condom, him finishing and then telling me ‘look what you made me do to you; you are too pretty’ ”.

I remember walking into my home. My family was in the living room, engrossed in a football match. They didn’t see my bruises, my swollen face nor my torn clothes. I hurried to the bathroom. I scrubbed myself sore. I washed and washed, and sat in the tub shivering, my mind numb. And I wept”

“You don’t know me Isio. All these men, they don’t know me either. Do you know that I walked around with a dagger in my pocket after that incident? That till today I shower three times daily? That I cannot watch a football match? I don’t even want to hear the sounds. Did you know that this man stalked me? Then he mocked me. When I ignored him, he would touch me. I would be walking down my street, and they would follow me, laughing and pointing. It took every inch of strength for me to just walk. Then he would call my phone. He would beg me to forgive him, and then send me messages berating me for acting like a child. All I wanted was to grieve in peace.”

“Yet, it is what it is. I am not a child anymore. I vowed after that incident that I would never put myself in a position where such a thing would happen to me again. I would never be so helpless. I will never beg anyone to save me. I will never cry like I cried that day. I will be so self sufficient that no-one will take advantage of my need, even if I have to work my fingers to the bone. I have no choice. Nobody will rape me again. All these men; they think they love me; they tell me I am beautiful and sometimes don’t understand why this makes me cry. Who would I tell? Tell a man your weakness and your shame, and he would use it as an excuse to justify his wickedness against you. I know, because I tried. That incident made me so strong, so aware, unbreakable and unshakable. You have never been raped, you cannot imagine the devastation it does to your soul.”

She shrugged. She cocked her head to one side and looked at me quizzically.

I didn’t realize that I had been crying.

It’s taken me almost ten years to write this story. And while she gave me her permission to share her story years ago, I just wasn’t ready to go into that place to recount it… the way she told me. Over the years, I have seen people try to justify rape, saying, “She asked for it!” or “She’s gay, let some men just rape her, her head go correct!” To that, I would say this, there is, and never was a justification for rape, nor pedophilia. None. To have someone invade your body, your soul so thoroughly and brutally and leave scars that are better imagined…

May God help us all.

______________________________________________________________________________________________
Isio Wanogho is a top-model, TV Personality and entrepreneur. She is conversant in five languages and has 12 years of experience in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Isio, popularly known by her brand name Isio De-laVega, captivates audiences with her signature wide smile and relatable, quirky personality which endears her to many. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @isiodelavega

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

113 Comments

  1. me

    March 4, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    I know this feeling, been there.

  2. Elle

    March 4, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Oh God! This is too sad. It kills me that people, especially women still find reasons to justify rape. Nobody deserves to go through such an experience. I wish more rape victims would tell their stories, rather than let the pain eat them up.
    Please people, be safe. Follow your gut, if something feels wrong, it probably is. It does not matter whether he is your uncle, friend, neighbour, brother sef! Until we find a way of making sure men know there is absolutely no excuse for rape, we will just have to protect ourselves the best way we can. God help us all.
    Thank you Isio for telling this story

  3. eesha

    March 4, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    To all the ladies who have ever gone through this traumatic and painful ordeal called rape may God bring succour to you and give you the strength to carry on. And to the rapists God have mercy on your souls.

    • Babytohcute

      March 4, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      Amen!

    • Ena

      March 12, 2014 at 4:31 pm

      ….more like God roast their souls in HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Dr. N

    March 4, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    These mentally deranged men! How will we know they are sick? Watching porn and fancying that every woman wants them. May we have the strength to report, to seek medical attention, and to seek counselling.

    drnsmusings.wordpress.com

  5. @edDREAMZ

    March 4, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    Nice piece atoke….
    .
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • Fashionista

      March 4, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      It wasn’t Atoke that wrote the article.

    • nwa babii

      March 4, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      LMAOOOO dude you’re in another world!!

    • Akua

      March 4, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      You are definitely in Jupiter…..

    • Anne

      March 5, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      I bet you didn’t even read it. Probably too long for you.

  6. slice

    March 4, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Pls what is the guy’s name? We shd shame idiots like this…even ten years after the fact….if that’s alright by the girl or lady

  7. http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com/

    March 4, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    “He said we were going home. We were supposed to go home. Then he told me he needed to make a quick stop. His house keys were at his friend’s. What did I know? When I remained in the car, he asked me to come in; he promised that we wouldn’t be long. He said that we should say hello, that how rude of him it would be, to just leave me in the car, in the hot sun, especially considering the day that I had had.”
    Brings back memories, for a few seconds I actually stopped breathing.

    The painful part of this story for me is not the rape in itself but the fact the he was not held accountable and taunted her afterwards, and blamed her, and his friends jeered, and berated her. And has today probably even forgotten and lives life normally while he has scarred a beautiful woman for life. Now this is what pains me the most.

    thelmathinks.blogspot.com

    • SOS

      March 5, 2014 at 12:05 am

      Am sure y’all believe u have heard it all but let me give you guys another twist to mine. Yes i was raped brutally from d age of 5 by a non related uncle whom my mum would ask to come take care of us whenever she and my dad got into there stupid fights. This guy woyld not only rape me he would also report me to my mum of how rude i was and she not asking questions would beat the living daylight out of me taking out her aggression for my father on me. I could not tell her what has bn happening to me as i was scared of “dieing” as said to me by the rapist.It went on for another 5 years that it became a norm until i was “dumped” in a boarding school by my grandparents who thought i shouldnt be caught up in my parents messed up life but in the real world i was happy i had been freed from that bastard. When its holiday periods i would refuse to go home even though boarding house wasnt fun but i had stay and make up excuses and guess what? Neither father or mother asked questions. At the age of 13 i had lumps in my breast and instead for my parents to see me through it, they both started calling me all sort of names including me been a prostitute and how they now realised why i was wearing a size 34b bra as a 13year old. I cried n cried n cried until dia was no more water in my eyes…i couldnt tell anyone i just wanted to die at dat age but for a pastor and a particular doctor who saw me crying at the hospital passage who then spoke some senses to my mother if not she would have just abandoned me there….after the operation, my parents even though they were seperated always agreed on one word “prostitute” that was my middle name and that i became used to it unfortunately i hated sex and i still hate it and for that reason i v never had a 3month old sucessful relationship because i dont have feelings and i date most guys out of pity. Fast forward year 2012 i had enough of the word prostitute and i shouted back at my father during a conversation how he and my mother’s stupid fight cost me my virginity and how it has ruined me, he was sober for two minute only for my father to say to me that he would only believe me if i am ready to testify against my mother that i was raped by the guy because my mother was not always sleeping at home and if the lawyer asked me where she goes to, i should say she sleeps around with men even after i got the nerves to meet up with the bastard that raped me and recorded everything he said and played it to my father. I should state here that he begged for forgiveness but God knows i can never forgive him. Yes my mother has been remorseful and seeking for my forgiveness but i can never forgive her but you see my father said it was never his fault that i was raped and for me not to have said it till 2 years ago meant i enjoyed it so you see even God would not forgive my father…. I would be 24 this month and i have been carrying this heavy burden that has ruined any good i have left in me. If your parents dont love you how would an outsider love you????

      HOW BAD CAN IT BE? HOW BAD?

    • ccc

      March 5, 2014 at 5:54 am

      Please, don’t give up on believing that things will get better. There is always hope after despair. There is always light after darkness. It takes time sometimes to lose the sense of hopelessness, but tomorrow always come. The first step is always forgiving and laying down the burden of those who did you wrong. That way you can seek justice for the past without being consumed by the weight of the journey. For your parents, well, they are fractured people, too, and it will take time and space for them to get to the place where they are whole enough to recognise what they have done to you. In the meantime, don’t let that wait for their acknowledgement of their past mistakes hold you back. Determine that you will still live a full life without it, and that if and when it comes, you will take it on board and go on to an even better life. It’s YOUR life, not anyone else’s. I pray you find the peace and healing and inner strength to take back your life and live it to the full.

    • Buki

      March 5, 2014 at 9:57 am

      I’m so sorry to read your experience. No one should have to go through such. I want you to know that though you have had it rough, do not give up on love. There are still some good people left in this crazy world. Also, not forgiving your parents would be disastrous to your sanity and peace of mind. They should have protected you, that’s what parents are for but alas…… I’m so sorry, and i dont know you but i love you cos i see that you have a good fighting spirit. I mean that. You will be fine hun. hugs

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 5, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      SOS, there’s a biological ability for male and females to breed but not everyone is meant to be a parent. And the two people who brought you into this world are, unfortunately, too self-centered and inadequate to ever refer to themselves as “parents”. I’m not insulting them (as they may be fulfilling purpose in other areas of their lives), I’m merely pointing out the reasons why they’ve been totally blind and useless to your needs as their child.

      So place this truth in context with all that you’ve been through. They were never there for you but it’s all on them, you are not to blame for this. It was their responsibility which they woefully failed, you are not responsible for your pain. I know you’ll have asked repeatedly where God was but this is what evil does, it uses men (& women) who are willing and sets out to vaporize any goodness around us.

      But yet, there is still goodness in the world and your share of it is still assured by the Almighty. And I can say that because I have personal experience of having my own pain being finally replaced with joy. Your end will be better than your begining, my darling and beautiful young sister. Let your heart start to hope for it, don’t allow the wickedness they did to you continue to be your burden and just let God, dear one. Just let God. I pray for you and that burden you’ve carried for so long, may He show you what true love really feels like.

      And as @slice said above, expose this monster who did this to you. It’s not revenge, it’s to stop him from hiding under whatever disguise of respectability he’s currently using as his cover and to protect future young girls. Maybe even protect his daughters… plus, you don’t know who else he’s done this to who’s currently dying inside and has no hope of ever getting her story to be heard.

    • Anne

      March 5, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      My heart goes out to you. I cannot begin to imagine how traumatizing such an experience would be , especially on a child so young. I would advice that you forgive your parents as your first step to recovery. This would probably be really difficult but it is something you must do. I am not asking that you become best friends with them but you must forgive. Secondly I don’t know your relationship with God but if there is a lack of one try and build a relationship with God. He is the only constant and sure thing in our lives and he will comfort you. Take care dear and God bless u.

    • SOS

      March 5, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      Thanks everyone i am begining to build a relationship with God i hope i find peace in him…..thank you for your words and i love you all.

    • Deetyn

      March 6, 2014 at 1:21 am

      Dear SOS, please know above all else,that God loves u. Even though circumstances may tell differently. You are not to blame in any of this, but first, forgive the monster that took advantage of u. The good book even says by so doing, u heap coals of fire upon his head. Better still, it helps u heal better and a good quality of life is assured. Hatred only begets more hatred. Hatred robs u of ur peace and blessings. Name and shame d perpetrator if u’r so inclined, after all u may just be saving his next victim.. But my dear, pls u still have ur whole life ahead of u. Don’t take it lightly. God bless u and keep u……xxx
      Badedav.blogspot.ie

    • Deetyn

      March 6, 2014 at 1:56 am

      Dear SOS, please be assured that Jesus loves u. Even if ur circumstance tell differently. Please forgive d monster that violated u. The good book says by so doing, u heap coals of fire upon his head. Better still, it gives u peace and a good quality of life. Hatred begets only more hatred. It robs u of your joy and blessings. Name and shame d perpetrator if u’r so inclined. You may just be saving his next victim. But pls forgive, u have ur future ahead of u my dear. Dont continue with those weights, pls drop them, let go.Don’t be robbed of d joys and beauty that await. God bless u and keep u….xxx
      Badedav.blogspot.ie

  8. Hurperyearmie

    March 4, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Hmmmmmmmmm i wish things can change, i wish we can love our neighbors the same way we love ourselves

  9. naana

    March 4, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    i learnt that a rapist is not the stranger on the street but the the person closest to you. be it a male or a female, cos some females can engage minors to make the masturbate.
    been there and out. thank God.
    a colleague told her children that only she can see their naked bodies and no one else.
    and that they should report anyone who wants to do other wise.

    • Onye Ara

      March 4, 2014 at 3:47 pm

      I actually told mine that no one is allowed to touch their ‘wee wee’ while bathing them after the age of 5. By that age, i had taught them how to watch that particular part of their bodies and I or their nanny will monitor them while they wash it and we can continue with the rest of the bath.
      No sitting on any uncle’s legs after the age of 3.
      No pecking non nuclear family members.
      Na from clap hand,dem dey start dance!!
      I can’t fit shout.

  10. Vanessa

    March 4, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    I wonder why men enjoy having sex with a crying lady. All the same, God will comfort her and send her a true man who would cherish, nurture and protect her. The rape was not enough, he had to mock her too. Tomorrow, he will say he doesn’t know why things are hard for him. People just bring curses upon themselves unnecessarily.

  11. labelle

    March 4, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    this story just describes me.

  12. It happened to me too!

    March 4, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    I’ve walked down this road too. Fellow student back in Uni. Friends warned me against him that he was bad news. After exams one day, he along with one of my classmates came to see me in the hostel. He said he needed to go drop his books in his crib in quarters and pick up the books for the paper he had the next day and wanted me to accompany him. I agreed to go with him, after all my classmate was going to be there, what could possibly happen. We got to his BQ and my classmate drops us and leaves to go to his place to change. One minute I’m looking through magazines, the next minute I’m being dragged across the carpet. He beat me up so much. I fought back – blows, kicks the whole works. I cried, I screamed, I begged all to no avail. I even begged him to use a condom and be gentle – I didn’t get either wish. Rug burns on my back, nail scratches on my breasts. And he raped me. Over and over again. So much that I was weak and at some point I zoned out and kept repeating Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. And the more I said Jesus, the more he hit me to keep quiet. At some point I was on my knees and my bum was up in the air and I was choking on my own tears and phlegm. I don’t know how long it lasted but by the time it was over, I felt dead and just kept telling him to kill me. He didn’t kill me. He took a shower and asked me to dress up. My panties were torn so I just wore my trousers and he walked me to quarters gate where we took a cab into campus. My classmate never came back. I remember getting out of the cab at SUB Building and walking through the White House bush path to my room in Moremi and then I laid on my bed and wept. When I told my friend, he told me to let it go and not make an issue out of it/report to the authorities because people would ask me “why did you go to his house”.
    It’s been 9 years now and I still haven’t forgotten.

    • CarliforniaBawlar

      March 4, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      Reading the feature article and then your actually made me manifest physical pain…the left side of my head and left ear is throbbing!!
      A close friend of mine had the exact same experience as you…I cried for days (You can imagine how she felt!)….and to make matters worse his girlfriend was a close friend too!! She lived right next door! so she saw him ever single day for 1year….and guess what? Our friend married to the monster today!!…hmmn!!
      Oh that all violated women may find justice!!

    • Debee

      March 4, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      I’m sooo sorry for ur pain… So so sorry.

    • Blessmyheart

      March 4, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      Wow. I’m so sorry for your pain. I pray God heals your wound and gives you the strength to move on. Nobody should have to go through this. There is no justification for rape. None at all.

    • Onye Ara

      March 4, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      How can you forget? You will never forget but you can experience true healing even without forgetting.
      Pls seek help.
      Throughout this month, I mean every day of the month you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I can’t guarantee much but my prayer is that you steps will be ordered to find healing. Healing that will not provide answers to the plenty questions you have about sick episode but healing that will heal your broken and lacerated mind, lead you into the path of men and women who will give you cause and reason to live above that pain.

    • Nosey

      March 4, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      Gosh! That sounds so awful!!! I am so sorry you had to go through this. However, regardless of what people say you should have reported the bastard. I know its easier said than done, but the fact that he got away with it probably means he had done it before and will do it again. These guys know a lot of girls are ashamed to report cases of rape because of the stigma and hence they carry on committing such atrocities. Women have really suffered o!

    • Nosey

      March 4, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      I really wish there was a proper support system for victims of rape in Nigeria. Its high time these randy bastards ruining women’s lives are brought to justice. Bastards!

    • slice

      March 4, 2014 at 4:52 pm

      Contrary to popular opinion, u can actually get justice for rape in nigeria…there r some bad police pple but nt all. The first thg is to help the police help u. Even in the states, many rape cases go unprosecuted bc there just isn’t enough proof and things start to look more like he sd she sd. The best thg for a rape victim to do is call the police right away. Don’t clean up, don’t shower, don’t change panties esp. They need that dna if available.

    • Person

      March 4, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      My dear. This is OAU Ife. I know because it almost happened to me, under the same circumstances. We were in class, he said he was going to help me move my locker in Moz, but then he said he needed to pick something from his house on Road 7. We were in year 1 and I thought we were best friends. I cried, I begged, I had rug burns from kneeling all over the place. It must have been the longest time of my life. Time seemed to move rather slowly. I still don’t know how I escaped or why he let me go but he did or maybe he raped me and my mind has blocked it off? I really don’t know. I was shaking when I got to Moz. I intensely needed to take a bath. I felt soiled. I was only 16. We were both law students. He’s engaged to someone else and when I first heard the news, i felt immense pity for his fiancee. Because HE IS BAD NEWS. I share my story so you know you are not alone. I don’t blame you for going to his room alone. I did the same. I’ll advise seeing a therapist/psychiatrist for help. You’ll be in my prayers too.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 5, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      Tell us his name. TELL US. You haven’t forgotten and chances are that he has because the list of girls has been too many. TELL US. He deserves at least 1000th share of the shame and regret you’ve been carrying all of these last 9 years. TELL US.

      My body is shaking. Print out these monsters’ names, my amazing sisters. You may have forgiven and not forgotten but somebody’s nightmare may be about to begin. TELL US.

  13. john22

    March 4, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    cruel and very sad… rape can never be justified. Its very evil and denigrating. its death sentence in law in some developed worlds and it kills the individual. Nigeria still pays lip service to this issue

  14. tatafo!

    March 4, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    All the sorry in the world will never make up for what happened or take away the horrible experience. But I pray you find some measure of peace and that with time the pain has dulled and will continue to dull.

  15. Chinma Eke

    March 4, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    My heart just bleeds everytime I hear of or read about rape. Who are this rapists? They are our sons, brothers, friends, that guy we think the world of has once raped a girl or is a serial rapist. It all begins with the little things; let us teach our sons to respect women, that when a woman says no she means no. That to me is the only way to stop rape. The womans dressing, behavior or opportunity doesn’t excuse rape. Rape is a violent crime and the only way to stamp it out is to instil the right ideals in our male folk.
    chinmaeke.wordpress.com

  16. TheresaO

    March 4, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    Rape destroys a woman, it’s no wonder it is used in wars as a weapon. Like the article and some commenters have implied, several years after the crime, it still haunts the victim.

    I believe as women we should become more proactive about this. We cannot continue to wait upon the the government or society, which is patriarchal in nature, to help us. I believe if rape victims form groups which provide counseling for victims as well as advocacy/awareness for young ladies in primary/secondary school, it will help. This group can also partner with other female-related NGO’s to demand for stiff punishment of rapists.

    Rape is a crime, its nothing to be ashamed of. As long as we see it as shameful, we will continue to give the rapist the courage to continue, and even embolden others to do the same.
    The only people who can end this crime are the people who are most affected – women. For the sake of our sanity and our daughters and younger sisters, we need to speak with one voice to say “enough is enough!”

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 5, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      And we can also start SHAMING the rapists. What is social media here for? I’ve never blogged but am willing to start. Tell us their names, dear sisters, so we can expose them the way they exposed you to shame. I’m happy to throw the words “alleged” into paragraphs as required but let’s get this business of shaming started. Let’s have these men being made to stay away from the daughters and sons of their friends, family and work colleagues. Let’s cause them to come under closer scrutiny by the people around them.

      Ah, my body is still shaking. And to add to the valid points you’ve made, Theresa, we women can also take a minute whenever possible to say a prayer for each and every victim of rape. The face of the victim could have belonged to any one of us…

    • Jane Public

      March 5, 2014 at 4:27 pm

      I support. Start that blog and shame. I for one will read that blog every day

  17. X- Factor

    March 4, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    Sad!

  18. DJ STELCH

    March 4, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    You have never been raped, you cannot imagine the devastation it does to your soul… (You Couldnt Have Said It Any Better Dear).. I’m just dumbfounded, so permit me Borrow isio’s word, there’s no justification for rape, nor pedophilia, None. To have someone invade your body, your soul so thoroughly and brutally is the Most Heartless/Inhuman Act Of All Kind!! #MOFOS!! So So Up Set Now!!

    • vivian25

      March 5, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Pleas know that texting and driving is no fun.its the cause of so many accidents..stay safe please

    • Bleed Blue

      March 6, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      Yet there you are saying the absolute opposite on the obesere rape issue. In your words:

      “Very Good.. She came to Obesere’s house willingly to have a taste of his THIRD LEG.. If she do anyhow Brov, Show Her Anyhow.. 29yr Old EKPARODE!!”

      Please develop a clue and stick to it.

  19. Akua

    March 4, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    Such a sad story. I pray God comforts all women who have gone through this.Dear ladies, if you have been raped, be strong and march forward; the past is gone. Behold, a new morning.I know its hard but try to forget and live a healthy, happy life. All women should learn from this story and the many others we have heard about and take good care of themselves.

  20. nique

    March 4, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Dear Lord……………………………Onr thing iv vowed in my life, none of my female kids would grow up without learning a form of self defense. Beat the hell out of any f*****g guy who even dares to bring close a finger. This world is too evil abeg. such degenerate minds!

    • Onye Ara

      March 4, 2014 at 4:31 pm

      my dear,more prayers than self defence o!
      There is something called gang banging.

  21. www.woahnigeria.wordpress.com

    March 4, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Incidents like this have been occurring in Nigeria for ages with a different outcome. The chaps would then ‘beg’ or threaten the girl, and that usually would be the end of the matter. There is this girl I know who once told me that she was raped by her brother’s friend who she had a crush on, when she was just 16. She was in S.S 2 then, and the chap was a 2nd year student in University. She had stopped over at the guy’s house after school. The guys and 2 of his friends all took turns shagging her in the living room, and then she ran home crying but didn’t tell a soul. She said she had buried the terrible memory in the deepest pits of her subconscious.

    What?! I asked her why she didn’t tell her elder brother or her folks. She confessed that her brother would have been really pissed and brushed off her allegation saying something like “Nto gi, why did you go to his house in the first place. It is good for you’. Her folks would have sneered ‘ Ashewo, your waka waka don carry you enter gbese abi. If you like, next time make you no come home straight from school.’ What kind of family is that? The Adams Family or the Fuji House of Commotion?

    The act of forcing a girl to have sex against her will occurs far more often in Nigeria than one imagines. A girl comes over to see a guy whom she is not even dating, and is ‘coerced’ into ‘dropping’ .Or some rude guy hands the girl a refreshment in her hand, as he is shoving his penis into her mouth.

    There are many other examples. Guys who coerce the girl into having sex by refusing to drop her off, or shutting the exit doors, and falsely imprisoning her. Or the case of the rich aristo chief who took a girl on a shopping spree at the Palms. When they got back to his hotel suite, he started taking off his agbada, and strapping on a Gold Circle condom. When the girl tried to protest saying “Ah, Chief, I am not in the mood o; besides I have a yeast infection”, the Chief barked as he shoved his manhood towards her pelvis “Ehen? And then? Ti ya n’ime!!!”

    Chief had 4 rounds that night.

    Or when a girl says “I have the ketchups, so we can’t even have sex”, there are guys who would counter “That is all well and good but what do I tell junior who is now stiff”.

    As lads, we have to exercise self-control even if a girl comes to spend the night dressed like Tiwa Savage in her new video for ‘Love Me, Love Me, Love Me.” We have to keep that trouser snake sheathed. A cold shower is better than a cold cell.

    Throughout history, many famous or successful men have fallen from grace after they were indicted and imprisoned for rape crimes. Tupac and Mike Tyson are moot examples. After Tyson went to jail for rape, he lost his boxing mojo, and was never the same prized fighter again, and took to biting ears like Goldie songs. He now rears pigeons. He lost bouts to boxers who would have beaten previously with his eyes closed. Even Bash Ali would have had a good chance of beating Tyson.

    To prove how heinous the act of rape is, rapists are treated as the lowest of the low in the social hierarchy in American prisons. Once your fellow inmates ask you what you are in jail for, and you mention rape, you would get assaulted and picked on, or even shanked with a sharp object by other prisoners. Only child molesters have a worse reputation than rapists. Put it this way, even a prisoner who is serving time for stealing an 80 cent loaf of bread is treated better than a rapist. I don’t know how they would be treated in a Nigerian prison though. I mean corrupt politicians have been raping the economy and our treasury, and the few that went to jail for it had thanksgiving dinners in Kirikiri.

    A lot of chaps have gotten burned by misconstruing a girl’s intentions. Chaps that like to look for an imaginary ‘green light’ in the girl’s posture, often get the wrong message that the girl is DTF (check “Jersey Shore” for the full meaning). Some guys have a problem discerning what is green light or even light at all. If a girl so much as looks as them, they would sprout something like “Abi, una done see? This babe dey fall for me, mehn. I go carry am go lodge.”

    Isio – I apologize for the long epistle, but I hope your friend finds the healing she needs, and our society takes a better stand against rape and all forms of violence against our woman. The lyrics of Tupac Shakur from the song “Keep Your Head Up” ring true:

    And since we all came from a woman/
    Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman/
    I wonder why we take from our women/
    Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?/
    I think it’s time to kill for our women/
    Time to heal our women, be real to our women/

  22. tobiloba

    March 4, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    🙁 🙁
    their judgement awaits them on Earth and in Heaven

  23. 'Lapeju

    March 4, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    One thing I dread the most…RAPE! Listening to my friends recount their stories as we grew up made me vow silently that I’d kill the Bastard (oh yes I will) and move to a convent. Here’s one; We had just graduated from secondary school still waiting for our jamb results so we all would go see one ‘bros’ whose house was our cinema, dude was a really nice big bro to us all(our thoughts). As my hair was still ajankolokolo, nurturing it was my priority @the time so on this fateful day I went to the salon 3 streets away. My friend came to the house so we and other friends could go to ‘bros’ house as usual but I wasn’t home and since there was no phone to call she assumed we had gone without her so she went there ALONE. To cut the long story short, he made her feel very comfortable and tuned his home theatre so high neighbours couldn’t hear her scream OMG! I went under my grandma’s bed, took the machete and a bottle of coke, ran all the way to the devil’s abode with my friends screaming and running after me I was ready to KILL (at least inflict him) the bastard! My friend has moved on and I thank God for her…she’s doing so well but I on the other hand can’t seem to forgive myself. If I hadn’t gone to make my stupid hair!

    • TA

      March 4, 2014 at 10:02 pm

      Its not your going to make your ‘ stupid hair’ that made the low life rape her. What if you were there and yet he drugged your drink or both your drinks and raped both of you? The animal is responsible for his actions not you.

  24. victim

    March 4, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    I just had to comment on dis post with anoda name…I had same experience dealt by a neighbour too. My life as well as virginity just ceased to exist seconds..its just d same feeling I get when ppl ask why I don’t do well in relationships, why I don’t have sex, why I don’t visit people, why I’m so qucik to ask for the death of a rapist…they don’t know how it feels to be violated, ur whole life shattered just for a minute satisfaction! They have no idea

  25. Bev

    March 4, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    The way we write about rape and the language we use is at best PROBLEMATIC. I see a lot of comments – shag, rounds, randy. Are we are talking about rape – non-consensual violation or consensual sex.
    Randy men do not rape, Rapists and criminals do. Lets call them what they are Criminals, rapists.

    When a person says No, all you need is for them to say it ONE time. No matter what.

  26. Shona

    March 4, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    Heart breaking stories I must say.I was a close victim.Thankfully,nothing happened.I was seven,my friend was 6 or 5 there about.He was on her,I tried saving her and he came after me.We ended up fighting,kicking and having bruises on our bodies and I remember I stayed outside until 10pm when my parents got back.He threatened me,but trust my big mouth,told my mum after 1 week of having sleepless nights.He was supposed to be a neighbour’s househelp cos my neighbour lost his wife.Still feels like yesterday and whenever I think about it I still cringe.Please everyone,try to protect your kids..male and female .Teach your men to respect women and vice versa.

  27. Autoprincess

    March 4, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    And when karma deals its hand to this horrible horrible human being, he will beg for mercy and wonder who he offended. Sometimes, I wish God would not delay His judgement on people like this, just descend a plague on them, no mercy, no second chance, just Old Testament type of judgement. Alas, God is not man!

  28. v2

    March 4, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    Its really had,especially when u have 2 deal with that persistant voice telling you is all ur fault,u shouldn’t have gone there, u shld have fouhgt harder u shld just have allowed him to kill u

  29. Tunmi

    March 4, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    Rape…hmmm….been there o. i’m a story of one who survived and is getting stronger everyday especially with the fact that it happened at a tender age. i don’t wish it on anyone, not even my enemies cos the scar lives with you forever and affects every single relationship you get into, even one’s self esteem. God give the lady in the story strength to let go and love herself as God loves her. God keep us all.

    • TA

      March 4, 2014 at 9:57 pm

      Amen! A hug and a squeeze from me.

    • Tunmi

      March 6, 2014 at 11:17 am

      thank you!!

  30. Buki

    March 4, 2014 at 5:54 pm

    I sincerely hope rape victims find mental healing from the trauma. it is crushing reading these stories. 🙁 There’s a Rape #ReOrientationWalk this saturday from Ogba Shopping Complex by 9am. Let us all hit the streets and #StandToEndRape. This disgusting act must be stopped. it is way to rampant and the effects are lasting and devastating to the victims and their loved ones. I will be there. Search for the handle @standtoendrape on twitter or follow the hashtag #StandToEndRape Thank you.

  31. anonymous

    March 4, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    I was raped as a kid, even started enjoying it. Started when I was five and ended when I was 7, and he repented one day only to tell me I seduced him. I believed I was possessed for a long while, then I was frigid, then I was aloof, till one day, I looked at myself naked in the mirror and said ‘You’re so beautiful, men couldn’t resist you at the age of 5’ and then I let go of the guilt and hurt and now I’m in a relationship and I try to receive my boo’s love though it’s something you never get over. Rape is a sin worse than murder cos it kills the girl’s soul

    • nwa babii

      March 4, 2014 at 8:33 pm

      nawa oh he said u were seducing him at age 5? u did not drop a machete down his throat? hmm Dear God!!

    • TA

      March 4, 2014 at 9:38 pm

      Big hug to you.My dear is not as if the animal could not resist beautiful you at the age of 5,he could. But he chose to behave worse than an animal. A child of 5 is exactly that: a child! Think about it? What can possibly be attractive or sexually appealing about a child? Too many sick men amongst us…

  32. its me

    March 4, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    I feel ur pain,been there…it was my cousin that did that to me

  33. Onye Ara

    March 4, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    BN,the kind of stories i am reading BTL here are scary.
    There must be something we can do. This can not go on like that.

    • Arin

      March 12, 2014 at 11:45 am

      What can we do? But to be better parents. Your married isn’t a license to have children you can’t take care of. Hmmm… Teaching our sons to respect, and our daughters to he bold, build up their self esteem. Don’t shut a child up. Allow them speak, correct them when they are wrong but pleaseeeeee allow children to express their feelings and emotions. Don’t shut a child up!!! And listen. My sister Inlaw has taught her girls how to express their feelings. She sits down and has an actual conversation with them. When they think she was wrong they sit down and talk and my sister Inlaw apologizes to them when she is wrong. They are only 5 and 4 year old. I sometimes can’t wrap my mind around how this girls are growing up into bold, confident and soo respectful, because their parents pay attention to them and respects their feelings. The society can’t help you with much. BE GOOD PARENTS. Or you have no damn bizness having kids.

  34. Nonim

    March 4, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    My friend who has sickle cell was raped… by a close male friend. She has suffered a lot because of men in Nigeria. It’s no wonder that she has a very cynical attitude towards life. I was so angry that her rapist not only went scot-free, he also brushed her aside when she was trying to get him to apologise to her… She told me about four years after it happened because she was too hurt to tell anybody. If I ever meet that ass-wipe, I will disgrace him and spit on him! She is freaking suffering because of her health and f-ing jerks can’t leave her alone!

  35. Experienced

    March 4, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    I have been there too. First was at the age of three by my uncle who usually tell me to suck his p***s almost anytime we are at home together. The painful part of the story is that my mum didn’t believe me the day she saw me in the toilet with him; he had told me to come inside the toilet with me because my mum was around and sleeping but she woke up while i was busy doing what he told me to do as usual. My mum called me and heard me speak from the toilet but he insisted i ran into the toilet to wee. She didn’t believe me, instead she spanked me and called me a naughty girl.
    Hmmm, the next time was at age 10 by an Alfa at ‘ile kewu’. He had already stripped me naked and i was already doing the task he told me perform on him before help came to me! Thanks to my mum this time around because she was already suspecting his kind gestures towards me. I can remember everything clearly!
    May God help to heal our heart. AMEN

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 5, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      Your story. I’m holding my head in shock. Oh God.

  36. TA

    March 4, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    Its scary the number of women who have been raped and or molested. It is a very sad and sorry tale. If you are reading this and you have been a victim, a big cyber hug. Wish there words to soothe your hurt but words fail me,may God heal all of you.

  37. TA

    March 4, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    Thank you Chinma! And teach our kids(2 years is not too early)whether male or female not to let anyone touch their privates. In my opinion,all that calling a little boy or girl ‘ my wife or my husband’,slapping their bacjs is in bad taste. Call me extreme o, but I do not like it(didn’t even like it as a child) Pick on someone your size

  38. SOLO ACT

    March 5, 2014 at 5:13 am

    i believe 3 out of 5 nigerian men have raped a woman before! as an African woman i believe we have to be extra vigilant and not joke around with guys! we always walk a fine line between being friendly and being raped. i will NEVER follow a nigerian man to his house, collect drink from him in the clubs or ask for a lift home. rape is very demoralizing and to all the women that have suffered it, please keep your beautiful heads up!

  39. me

    March 5, 2014 at 5:37 am

    So the first time I knew anything about sex was when my twin sister who was in a different class told me that her teacher touched her down there. She didn’t really know what it ment neither did i so I suggested that she tell my mom but she didn’t want to. I could tell she was really bothered about it because it didn’t stop after that one time. I took it upon myself to tell our mother what was happening with my sister and that was honestly the biggest mistake of my life. My mother Started shouting at me, everything just went upside down from there. I honestly did not anticipate her reaction. She woke my sister from sleep and beat the living daylight out of her, she caused her of liking what her teacher was doing to her, and trying to add me to their corrupt life. The things she said and did to my sister that day has never left my mind. I felt so guilty for everything she suffered that day. Since that day I felt like I was alone in the world my sis and I are still pretty close but we never talk about that day. If she goes through struggles in this perverted world of ours and not share her pain with her family I honestly won’t blame her. I myself find it hard to confide in anyone but myself. I’m very reserved and fearful of telling people that I was sexuality assaulted for years by an asshole in our compound a few years after my sisters assault. But who could I tell, who will I talk to that wouldn’t berate me for some one else’s shameful behavior. Nobody. My own sexual assault made me grow up really fast. I became really tough and more recluse and quiet.

    A few years ago I found myself in the house of a family friend that I haven’t seen for a long time, we were just chatting and laughing and from nowhere he started rubbing my shoulder and I felt uncomfortable because that was really odd. Before I could say it’s getting late I should go, the shoulder rub turned to full on fondling he pushed me down and I fought like I have never fought before. We struggled for what seemed like forever, I lost my voice my nails but i drew blood, i managed to free my hand from his death grip and I punched him as hard as I could on his neck and that was when he got off me. I took off. He came after me with my jacket and my purse I didn’t even feel the cold I felt like I was out of my body walking in the cold to the bus stop that was a few blocks away. He met me there and tried to hand me my stuff I didn’t take it from him I didn’t want nothing to connect us in anyway and my jacket and purse were in his hands I just felt shock and extreme disappointment. We both looked beat up and I guess he didn’t want to cause a scene he dropped it on the bench and left not before saying sorry it was the devil. The people at the bus stop were looking at us.

    The moral of my story is that monsters are closer to us than we imagine. They could be your neighbors, teachers, mothers or family friends. You can’t tell because they are wolves in sane people’s clothing. Always be on you guard. Always.

    • Blessmyheart

      March 5, 2014 at 10:05 am

      The only thing that breaks my heart more than stories of molestation is when the people who are supposed to protect their girls fail in that task or worse, exacts punishment on the victim. These stories are really heartbreaking. Again, I pray that God heals your pain and gives you the strength to forgive and have a fulfilling and rewarding life. There really has to be a great increase in rape awareness and support groups.

  40. mia

    March 5, 2014 at 10:41 am

    most of our mothers just have this sick notion about rape. how in the world could you think a mere child would seduce a man or even enjoy sex when you dont even have secondary sexual features?

    i was almost molested by a teacher who offered to take me free piano lessons. i was 7 or so then and i remember him bringing his bearded face close to my lips, i can’t remember the details, but i know i insulted him and ran. i never went back for the lesson. when my mum asked, i just told her casually that i wasn’t enjoying the lesson. she probably thought i was lazy, but i could not bring myself to tell her what actually happened. till today, i cannot stand men with beards on the face, it just irritates me!

  41. jade27

    March 5, 2014 at 11:11 am

    Rape isn’t even something you can describe. I seem to have “rape me” written on my fore head. I have been raped 4 times, by 4 different people, at different times…and the shameful thing is i didn’t tell anyone.
    I couldn’t report any of these people, i just didn’t do anything about it. I don’t know what kind of a person that makes me.
    I don’t know if it scared me though, I was 19 the first time it happened…I am 24 now. I have been in relationships, i enjoy sex.
    I don’t ever think of those incidents though, whenever my mind go towards that direction i just consciously think of something else.

    • Deetyn

      March 6, 2014 at 2:07 am

      I think speaking up about it may help you. Don’t forget that d perpetrators bank on u keeping quiet anyway. Are they friends ,relatives or colleagues?tell people close to u or them. You may be saving their next victims…. God bless u and keep u xxx
      Badedav.bolgspot.ie

    • Anon

      March 7, 2014 at 1:19 am

      Okay Jade. Been down this unfortunate road thrice.
      But guess what, I’m a good person. Scratch it, GREAT person. The perps, they are the messed up people. I don’t ever talk about it, haven’t ever told anyone because I don’t want to be pitied or mocked secretly. I chose to be a victor and victim. It’s an experience that leaves scars no doubts but I don’t dwell on the past.
      You can and you must move beyond it for your sanity and well being. You’ve had it worse than some and also better than some people. Love yourself and love God…you’ll be fine.
      Ps: this also goes out to other women, you’re not a rape victim…you’re a survivor!

  42. naana

    March 5, 2014 at 11:21 am

    i wonder why some MOTHERS cannot protect and stand by their children.
    my mom will support you publicly even though she knows you are wrong and deal with you once she’s alone with you.
    i believe mothers of molested children only think of what society will say, think and do, but not what their OWN CHILDREN go through and the scars the salt they add to the injuries caused.
    both parents should be able to support and protect our children, that is one of our responsibilities.
    some parents and guardians are selfish people who only think of themselves and the standards they have raised for themselves.
    e- hugs to all victims.

  43. naana

    March 5, 2014 at 11:25 am

    a male friend told me this morning how a j.s.s girl is throwing herself at him.
    i told him to discuss RAPE and its effects to the girl and her friends to prevent them getting into the wrong hands.
    school children need to be educated on RAPE because its improtant.

  44. anonymous

    March 5, 2014 at 11:38 am

    mine wasn’t exactly rape but it was child abuse… started when i was 7 by a neighbour who was in ss3 he fondled me and made me swore never to tell my mom… i got back home with some buttons missing but my mum never figured out… i became withdrawn from the usual chatterbox i was. By the time i got to boarding house and started approaching puberty, i then realized what was done to me as a child. to think the fool saw my breasts budding and wanted to continue, but i knew better and fought my way out… it affected my relationship with people especially the opposite sex as every guy potentially looked like an abuser. i kept it all bottled up within me till i had a nervous breakdown, it was then i was able to tell my mum at the age of 23 she cried here eyes out. till date i find it difficult dating, i find anything relating to sex repulsive and i keep wondering if i’m ever gonna get married cuz how would i get married when i can’t possibly love a guy or fulfil my marital duties… if at the age of 27 it still feels like yesterday. say No to rape and child abuse……..

  45. Ada

    March 5, 2014 at 11:49 am

    Now I understand why I despise men..10 years later and it still feels like yesterday

  46. Isio De-laVega

    March 5, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    I would like to thank everyone who took the time out to read this post, and even more so those who took the time to comment and share their experiences. I speak for my friend when I say she is touched by the out-pouring of love from non-victims and victims alike, and hopes that this forum, that has allowed us all to share our stories, will get us, some measure of healing, and if we are lucky, some closure.

    I know it is difficult, but we have no choice.
    She says to tell you all, that our only choice is to raise our sons better than the men who abused us, physically, emotionally, psychologically and sexually. After all, who are these men? They are people’s fathers, brothers, friends, relatives, neighbors, care-takers. That your generous boss might be a rapist. The boy writing you poems might be an abuser, the suitor wooing you with flowers, the man you have a crush on, or even the one you just married- might be a rape story waiting to happen. Be aware.

    For non-victims, be vigilant. It is always better to be safe than sorry. Learn from the stories of the victims. The experience and the psychological effects of that invasion is devastating, and it is better imagined.

    For the victims, you are better than your past. There is no shame in your reality, as unpleasant as that memory is, it is a reality, it is YOUR life and no, the shame is NOT yours to bear, but for the delinquent ones who took advantage of you. It helps to share, if you can. Through sharing, you just mind find healing. Knowing that you just educated one more person (who otherwise would not have heard your story if you kept it all inside) is the best gift you can give to yourself.

    It breaks my heart when I read about victims being condemned and abused by parents and families who are supposed to know better and keep their children safe, be the voices of their kids when they are voiceless, and be their strength when they are weak. There is no excuse for such behavior, and I empathize with those with whom this was their experience. What is done is done, but I hope that we all can break this cycle, and
    1. Educate our daughters AND sons about sex and condemn its many perversions (rape, incest, paedophilia amongst others)
    2. Support our children, instead of condemning them and abusing them further.

    Lastly, I will converse with my friend, to see if she is up to having a simple support group for rape victims and near-victims, a kind of #SurvivingRape discussion, where people sit down, talk about the psychological effects of rape, and how it affects their relationships, commitment and other social behaviour, a place to share their experiences, and hopefully help each other.

    Once again, I thank you all for reading and contributing.

    Lots of love.

  47. Halima

    March 5, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    Hello BN…how do I email an article please

    • Damilare Aiki

      March 5, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Hi Halima,

      Please send an e-mail to features (at) bellanaija (dot) com.

      Thank you!

  48. D'drim

    March 5, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    Hmm. that is a tough one. i had always thot only girls get raped mayb its not called rape whn a guy experienced such. I know many will scorn and laugh at me cos i am a guy and i am suppose to enjoy it, afterall i am a man.

    i was raped(dnt knw any word for it). by my uncle when i was 10. i have never heard of gay as at then. he tied my hand back, spread my thigh wide while he cello-taped my maut. i cldnt walkd properly after the act as i had to liec to my mum that it was football bruises. i couldnt tell anybody cos nbdy will bliv me. i suffered low esteem nd i became extremely quiet. thankfully the act only lasted for 3month before my called me back.

    fastwarded 10 yrs later. i was 20 and got raped by group of 5 girls at a friend party. Mayb because i had become comfortable with girls as i dont mix with guyz anymore after my uncle incident. never knew i was in for another hurt.

    up till today, i detest gays and girls with passion. i am 29 now and never had a relationship. though i am beginning to regain confidence thanks to all motivational books and tapes i immersed myself with. still marriage is off my agenda.

    I do rather adopt children and lived happilly a single man

    • miss moji

      March 5, 2014 at 8:05 pm

      my heart reaches out to you…may you find full healing. amen

    • TL

      March 6, 2014 at 10:24 am

      wow. Your experiences are truly heartbreaking and i am so so sorry you had to go through it. Please remain strong. I hope you will one day soon meet someone genuinely nice, fall in love and she will help mend your heart.

    • jinkelele

      March 8, 2014 at 7:08 pm

      There are tears in my eyes I am so so sorry how anyone could do that to you. Sometimes because abuse transcends the physical to other parts of our being, people who have been abused before tend to be abused again.
      Please don’t hate…this burden you have is too heavy for you to carry dont add hate to it. I pray for Healing for you cos your life is more important than what 2 incidents caused by others, I pray you become whole

  49. Anne

    March 5, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    OMG! Do we blame parents for not bringing up their sons properly, or the media for the warped images shown on our televisions, or the devil??!! God help us women!

  50. chichi

    March 5, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    jst sad………. really!

  51. xoxo

    March 5, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    I have been raped 3 times by three different men. I haven’t told anyone, cos I’m ashamed of how people would react, & accuse me visiting male friends. First time was by a family friend,last
    two times were on two different occasions by different guys.
    The ” rape & date syndrome” is very rampant Nowadays. A woman likes a guy but hasn’t said yes to dating the guy, and is still trying to understand him , and you think she has given you the ” green light” to have sex with her.
    God is watching!!!

  52. Here to help

    March 5, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    If you’ve been affected, please listen to a message by a lady called Terri Savelle Foy on YouTube or podcasts. It’s called Broken, Mended and Made whole. It’ll bring so much healing into your life.

  53. Africhic

    March 5, 2014 at 11:47 pm

    Sad.

  54. FunkyW

    March 6, 2014 at 8:57 am

    @D’drim Wishing you all the Strength! Marriage is definitely not the most important thing in one’s earth life as long as you serve your Creator and live a happy and fulfilled life. Xoxo

  55. broken but risen

    March 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    I remember it like yesterday 🙁 . We had been friends for close to 2 years but it was my 2nd time visiting him at home.

    WHY?? Same rape fear!! By then I felt, stupidly thought he was a good Man. He was older, (39) not married, lived alone, educated, well travelled, blabla…

    I honestly thought I was safe, but I was DEAD WRONG!! He had been on leave all through Christmas till new-year. So after work, I went to chill at his so we could gist (I enjoy the company of “matured minds”)

    This was not someone that was spending on me oo. I had refused gifts, invitation to travel, money for even transport (after we meet in his office or an open place) in the past so he couldn’t have held me to ransom for those reasons.

    The idiot excused himself, actually had a shower, wore a CD and came to sit in the living room. He shifted to sit with me on the same couch, I didn’t realise. Then he started trying to kiss me, I refused. He kept trying so I grabbed my bag to leave, everything went blank from there.

    I was dragged like a rag doll off to his room! I fought, kicked screamed, begged. Inmy mind I kept thinking “OMG I am being raped! I am finished! This guy has killed me! Finished me! I scratched his face, neck, everywhere. I’d spring up to flee, almost making it he’d push me down!

    I cried, cried, lost my voice, begged him in the name of God, his mother (I knew he loved her dearly). He was like a 3-head monster on top of me. humping away.

    My screams got too loud at some point and he held my neck too tight.

    I swear all I thought of then was “OMG!! He is going to kill me!! 🙁 What will my mother do?? She isn’t strong enough to lose a child”.. Then I kept quiet, I told myself “brace it! Let him finish”..

    I zoned out after then.. Next thing I remember is walking down his street in the cold. Like I let the harmattan breeze wash through me.

    He called me a month later, tormented me, disturbed me with calls. He tried to apologise. I didn’t even give him an audience. I sent him text messages, cursed him! He persisted but eventually stopped after sending him a text message that I filled a report at the station closest to his house, I had an open file I go to check every 2 weeks, evidence of the incidence including his DNA through swabs and I was under psychological treatment courtesy of the Police force and if he didn’t stop I’d go drop his name and address. HE LEFT ME!

    Last two weeks, I saw him again. I was running errands for work that took me to his office. We passed each other, side by side I felt like killing him there in the passage way.! He said good afternoon but I didn’t respond. I kept moving then he called several times that day. When he called he said ‘You looked too beautiful today’. I rained curses at him, called him a pig, until he hung up.

    I have healed nicely though. I learnt the hard way although I was sceptical before about visiting guys alone, I gave him benefit of doubt. I thought he knew better.

    I am sure Bella Naija won’t allow my comment so I wont drop his name, phone number and address. Selah.

    • jinkelele

      March 8, 2014 at 7:14 pm

      Walai…you for push this case fully abeg. wetin sef

  56. Flora's Secret

    March 6, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    hmmmm….i read this story and am in shock! never quite understood why i was withdrawn at an early age,sarcastic and always bitter. I lost my mum at the age of 9 and became very vulnerable to men. I never knew why. I had to stay with dad’s sister who had a son she cherished. My cousin was the first but i never understood what he did to me or what happened, by age 10 i was back at home because i was called trouble child and all sorts of names. My neighbor then would call me take my pants off and touch me, fondle my breasts and all…funny i seem to have liked it but i never knew why until one day he wanted to have me and i screamed and cried and told him no and never went back to him. i had never heard of rape or known about sex,body parts or anything. Three of my very close family friends tried to sleep with me at different occasions. I remembered my best friend’s brother calling me into the palour,he was huge and i was very small,he tried to force himself on me but I cried and told him I would report to my friend who was just outside, he tried kissing me but I couldn’t even open my mouth. He was 19 I was 10, I remembered crying when I went to meet her,she asked why I was crying but I cudn’t tell her,she made me her chief bridesmaid but I couldn’t go for fear I would see him.But the worst was “The Washman”. He would make me s*ck his p*nis and when i cry and beg he’d say he wud report and no one would believe me and they wud beat me and he was right!so i endured and started experimenting with childhood friends and all.

    As i grew up i realized i started to hate boys a lot! became too strong and mature and withdrew from them. Then i met one who managed to sweep me under my feet but cudn’t even bring myself to have sex with him, people think am odd cos am almost 28 and still a virgin (as i like to think of myself that way) . I guess he never understood me though he tried and eventually said i was too crazy and dramatic for him…….i like him so much never really could use the word love even till now but i think i do……he means a lot to me and i just want him to know that.

    First time i’ve openly said my story…..*sigh*smile* God see me through……..

    • Ready

      March 6, 2014 at 9:51 pm

      Please don’t shut yourself off from love. I pray God answers your prayers, and sees you through.

  57. Eni

    March 6, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    I honestly don’t know what to call what happened to me. When I was about 5, I remember being naked and lying on a male cousin who was about a year older than me.
    We didn’t know what we were doing but we had been put in that position by my elder cousin (6 years older) and the babysitter to ‘do’ the deed. I didn’t feel comfortable and I really didn’t understand what was going on so I was reluctant but my elder cousin kept pushing me to continue. Later, he (my elder cousin) threatened me and told me that if I told anyone about what happened, he would deal with me. That was when I realised that what we had done was wrong but I couldn’t figure it out. And I didn’t tell anyone either.
    When I was about 12 years old, I finally figured out what had happened to me. I was ashamed of myself. I doubted if I was a virgin and I also knew if my mum ever found out, my elder cousin would be off to jail in a minute. Yet, I still kept it to myself.
    And all through that time, my elder cousin was living with us. I would look at him and wonder how he could go on with life like nothing ever happened. I also wondered if my male cousin with whom I had been forced to commit the act also felt abused by my elder cousin.
    I’m 27 now and I’ve never told my mum. I’ll tell her one day, I just don’t know when. My cousin and I don’t talk and as for the babysitter, she lives close to us. She’s now a mother with her own kids. I never greet her when our paths cross. My mum usually asks me to go say hello to her when I visit but I never do. Cos the day I’ll do that, will be the day the cat will be let out of the bag.

  58. SoChi

    March 6, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Jesus please have mercy. Bella, what can we do. Ms Sociallyawkward anyone that has some thoughts for a solution, please what can we do. I am weak. These men (and women) are still roaming around. See so many hurt people walking around, people are going around unpunished. Mothers please, how can you chastise your child for crying to you about such injustice? How can you not want to kill. I am sitting here wanting to kill these men for hurting the 5,6,20 year old Enis and D’drims of this world. I do not know what to say but to ask what can be done; first to bring support to these women and men. I am so all over the place with my comment, oh Father.

    • jinkelele

      March 8, 2014 at 7:23 pm

      I’m with you there. But my concern is what makes these perpetrators do this? Do they think children forget? Are the just plain psycho? Too many random people in children’s lives alfa, househelp , family friends, drivers.

  59. Jaennie Walker

    March 7, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Mehnnnn…. This is really a sad one… Guys that do this thing called rape, i usually wonder how they feel years after the act.. I think “Rape” should be treated as a serious criminal case… In the case of pedophilia, i did a research some months back, and found out that it’s actually a psychiatric disorder… so our country should adopt the process of capturing these people, putting them through several torture and treamtment, before releasing them.. They don’t have any excuse or justification for their act.. Those affected now or then, don’t worry, God will see you through and give you the grace to start again…

  60. babygirl

    March 11, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    we need a pl or a national phone line to help victims of rape both women and men(men do get raped by other men). a safe haven with physical, spiritual and mental counseling without judging.

  61. Babes

    April 13, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    Rape is a terrible thing. I pray for healing for all those who have experienced it. Please the ladies from OAU Ife, I feel your pain. I had friends in quatres too and I went there to visit so I too could have been raped. Please name them here, their dept, faculties, fellowships, road no and house no. Name them, shame them. Somehow it will get back to them.

  62. Duchess

    May 15, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    @SOS and It happened to me….i’d say TIME dulls most pains (i did not say heal o).
    i was in class 6 (age 9) when one of the guys living with us (a distant relative) pulled me into his room one morning, pushed me down and fell on top me. he proceeded to use one hand to grab hold of his body cream and tried to lubricate me with it while trying to zip down @ the same time. i used my teeth, nails, legs etc to cause him some serious groin injury and forced open the door and ran to my room. i remember beng so scared he was going to come into my room and finish what he started. it was holidays and my siblings were all watching TV.
    few weeks later, my dad sent the same guy packing as my mum reported he had tried to touch her ‘funny’ one evening.

    few months before i got into college, another guy living with us caught me in my dad’s bathroom while i was trying to scrub their bathroom. he pulled me down to his lap and made me fondle his penis while he roughly inserted his hand into my panties and fondled me. i escaped when he heard footsteps outside the door.

    fast forward to age 15, i was back in nigeria and about to enter Uni. i took a walk from Mobolaji Johnson estate in lekki to present lekki round about and met a guy i knew and he requested i join him in his friend’s car so i could give them directions to a certain place which was on my way home. i did and the friend introduced himself as a pastor. we got halfway and he parked and next was him trying to tell me stuffs and ‘prophesy’ to me. next is he forces the seat back and hands go into my panties and into my private part..with ‘my’ friend telling me not to shout or people will know what was happening. i push his hand out of me and my blood coats his fingers. i get out of the car and run home.

    few years later in school, i get set-up by a classmate and escaped being raped by agreeing to my first blowjob.
    in my 3rd year, i go to visit a close girlfriend of mine who was married and was asked to go pick up stuffs from the bro inlaw who was lodged at a hotel. i have met the guy a couple of times due to my relationship with his brother’s wife and so i was no stranger to him. he proceeded to lock the door after i had come in and given him a hug and then took the liberty of raping me while looking into my eyes. after the rape, he says ‘i know you liked it’. i get up from the bed, pick up my panties and walk out the door without a backward glance. i travelled back to school same night after walking the streets at 10pm contemplating suicide.

    now you may read my story and say i seem to be attracting a lot of rape and perverts etc and i should have done something. Maybe. however, i learned i can be strong and bold and kind and all things good. i have been in relationships but i know i was not giving it my all and intimacy or sex was never pleasurable to me so i ended them.

    today i am 26 and after deciding i was not going to give myself the heartache of ‘touch & go’ relationships, i knew that one desire i could not quench was that of having my own child. Nigeria has not gotten so advanced that i could do an insemination so i gritted my teeth, met a young guy and got pregnant. i am not marrying him but i am so happy to keep this baby knowing that i wont be alone or face the stress of relationships.
    as for the men who did them, the best revenge i can offer is to be succesful, great, bold, courageous and confident. I refuse to accept anything less.

  63. Doxa

    July 1, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    This is so so sad! So sad.
    So so sad.

  64. four ones

    July 2, 2014 at 10:06 am

    its the conformity to the culture of shame that breed the silence that ruins the victims. people will not say ”that is the boy who raped the girl”, they’ll say, “‘that’s the girl that was raped”. To avoid the stigma, we avert justice. We blame ourselfs, maybe if we didn’t do this or that, he wouldn’t have done what he did. when my brother’s friend fooled me into his apartment and locked me in for a whole night trying to have his way, i did unimaginable things that still make me cringe at the thought of them to make him get off. I couldn’t tell my sisters or my brother for that matter. I still feel like i brought it upon myself. He has the guts to be present in every event my family hosts. i think he makes it a point to torment me, because he knows i will never tell my brother.

  65. jennie

    August 12, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    D man who tried to fondle my lil breasts as a child…lost his own child(baby died in a too hot bath) n asks me 4 moni 4 transport n food weneva e bumps in2 me on d streets.

  66. Sister

    September 14, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    Tears are running down my face. Hot tears for my sisters, for my brothers whose souls have been scarred this way. I have had a couple of close calls, but God always shows me an escape. Even as a child in primary school…
    God will heal us. God will heal you @SOS. God will heal you @D’rim. God will heal you.
    And to the perpetrators of this act…hiding behind the anonymity of shame and society…your dues will come. I am fully with MzSociallyAwkward. Shame them. Call their names. Don’t stop until you’re heard.

  67. tatianah

    January 28, 2015 at 9:14 pm

    Growing up i have always lived faraway from home.for me living with a relative doesn’t count as home..i was living with my aunt from my maternal side who maltreated the living soul out of me and my sis..but this day i was in primary 2(kids that age get to play outside and watch cartoons and all) my case was quite different i remember doing the chores i was assigned to cos not doing it leads to heavy consequences ,her in-laws nephew came visiting, he was an army guy or so but he called me from my duty post to his room gave my cousin money to go get sweet for himself i was too young to sense anything fishy.he told me to sit on laps and i obeyed for the fear of being beaten and that was how this perverted soul of a man that i call ‘uncle’ started fondling with my private part and him putting his penis in my mouth.really can’t remember what happened after that cos i think i decided to tell my head another story and what to believe in..i was crying and begging (uncle pls my mummy told me it isn’t good if some touches me down there) but it all fell on deaf ear,when he was done he ordered me not to tell anyone and if i did he will kill me ,my sis (who had finished primary school and had gone to stay with my mum) and my mum whenever they came visiting…i finally finished primary school and ran to lag didn’t even wait for my common entrance result or graduation ..i had to grow up fast even tho i was so little…fast forward to my ss3 i was sent on an errand to go get money from a family friend ,on getting there he was welcoming and all and he told me to come get the money in the room cos he doesn’t want anyone to know where he kept it..the moment i got to the room he bolted the door and i sensed danger i was 15 and he was 26 .oh i so fought for myself,my life and dignity,i didn’t care if he was 100 pounds heavier than me and even if he was going to have his way it wasn’t going to be an easy one..he fondled with my breast before i kicked his d***k and jolted for the door not forgetting the money either..i couldn’t tell my mum any of this cos she will blame herself the more and i didn’t want her to think she failed has a mother..(my dad left us before i was 1) that was y i had to live with my aunt and she didn’t even have a roof over her head..he sold everything before he disappeared..now i’m 21 and the uncle who molested me would be getting married and it makes me wonder should i come out now and destroy the union or keep living my life …i’m past all that he did to me but can’t seems to forget ..i find it hard to trust the opposite sex from my father who didn’t even give me a chance to the 2 perverts..i can’t blame anyone..but i’m still a working progress..i’m so sorry about the long writeup ..

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