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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Lonely? Get a Hen!



Now that the World Cup has come to an end, what are we going to do with ourselves? I feel like one of my close friends just went away and won’t be back till 2018. Now we have to find something else to excite us globally. When I moaned about this to someone last night, he said “we’d go back to Naija scandals”. As funny as this was, it is so true. We, as a people, provide enough entertainment for ourselves. It is probably why we’re described as “Happy People”. I mean, if you can laugh after spending 3 hours in traffic on Alfred Rewane road, then you deserve a trophy.
But, where we have traffic jams, no electricity & bad leaders, people from other parts of the world have other issues which are equally heavy to them.

Last week, there was a news feature on TV about the use of hens as pets for elderly people. It was based on the presupposition that hens are friendly, and people who nurture them stand a higher chance of warding off feelings of loneliness. The news feature also tried to make a distinction between loneliness and social isolation. At that point, I had lost interest in the chickens and I paid closer attention to the points being made about social isolation.

As a Nigerian, these issues are not really given a lot of prominence. Loneliness? “Where are your family members?” Social Isolation? “Isn’t it someone who is well fed who knows to come up with such terminology?”. One of the things which we pride ourselves in as Nigerians is the family unit. Good or bad, we are a family-oriented people. If you are moving to a new town, the chances that there is a relative – close or distant- already there. So, the concept of loneliness or social isolation is not something that we really consider to be an issue. But, it’s a human emotion and it should be considered.

Loneliness is also one of the points canvassed by the ‘Get Married Or Die Trying’ squad. It is said that nobody wants to end up alone, because everybody needs someone. So the proponents of this cause state that one stands a higher chance of a balanced life if there’s someone to share your life with.

However, some people have been dealt a bad hand with family and friends that they’d rather just be by themselves. So they’re comfortable with just being by themselves.

Recently, I was telling Nengz about a fantasy I’d been nurturing about one guy. I went on and on about how I’d seen our future together. I’d be far away in a remote town in Canada and he’d be in the UK. I’d see him once in three months and our reunions would be hot, steamy & emotional. When I paused to step off the cloud of romantic nonsense, she said “I notice that in all this your love story, you are two continents away and all by yourself”.
I replied that my own love is always sweeter from afar. Besides, I have a very good coping mechanism for loneliness. My laptop & my phone.

So maybe I’m a little weird. Just a little. But how do you cope with loneliness? Even when you have a gazilion friends, life happens and people move on. They may not disappear from your life completely, but they won’t constantly be there and life won’t be the way it was when you used to go from Faculty of Law, to Moremi Hall to QSS to New Hall. You have to understand that and find a coping mechanism.

Have a fantastic week ahead. The world cup has ended *sigh* but something fun will come soon. Please share some of your experiences on loneliness with us. Do you get lonely? How do you cope? Or do you think loneliness and social isolation is an ‘Oyinbo’ problem? How do you plan to combat loneliness when you get older and all your friends are gone?

I’ll love you and leave you at this point.

Peace, love & cupcakes,
Photo Credit: Dreamstime |Monkey Business Images

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. TA

    July 14, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Bella.Naija crew :Uche (can see you have been facing your work,)Atoke (d talkative masquerading as banterer),Isio (of las vegas )ati be belo. Shebi all of you conspired and changed the locks and locked me a bonafide self respecting tenant out of the house you newly renovated.? You people reduced me to peeping through the fence. Today,I had to scale over the fence to leave this comment.. Now that am in I can inspect your handiwork properly,d house now.looks and feels brand new. Smell of paints still all over d place…indicating work is still going on. Kudos! Just don’t lock me out again 🙂
    PS: This is not a graffiti. If am lonely,I would buy a dog. Have a fantastic week you all. 🙂

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      July 14, 2014 at 4:05 pm


    • Grace E

      July 14, 2014 at 6:07 pm


    • olaedo

      July 14, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      You are a silly person

    • Iphie

      July 16, 2014 at 9:04 am

      You cracked me up! lol

  2. P.O.P.E

    July 14, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    It’s depends whr your stay o! For me mainland dey sure with joblessness everywhere n things. Baba ijebu terminals still exist….abeg loneliness is foreign. When the amebos dey fresh gist everyday till you go tire! Stay blessed:-)

  3. Mz Socially Awkward...

    July 14, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    My mother calls every so often with tredipation in her voice to ask this question: “Do you get lonely?”. She’s convinced that because I’m cut off from having family members around me, life must be bleak (of which, she keeps forgeting I’ve got a cousin in Abz who’s practically given me the spare keys to her family home here, in her own bid to get me to come and spend a weekend… which I still haven’t done in the past 3 years that she’s and her family moved over… no need to remind me of my guilty conscience in that respect).

    Said mother has roundly informed me that she’s never coming to visit me in this city again because the last time she came, I went to work during the days and left her to her own pursuits and even though I took a few days off to entertain her during her time here, it wasn’t at all like her jaunts to other cities in England or Yankee where there’s sure to be a friend or relative for her to spend quality time gisting and catching up with. She wasn’t blaming me for having employment commitments which occupied me during week days, she just couldn’t get over the fact that she had nobody to commune with when I wasn’t there.

    So I suppose there is some truth in saying we Nigerians are pretty stuck on being part of a unit of any sort – whether it’s family or socially oriented. And I hear you on the “good or bad” aspects as it’s what often prevents us from letting people have their space and realizing certain people are just introverts who prefer their own company now and again … but that’s a topic for another day.

    As I’ve repeatedly tried to assure my mother, I don’t have time to be lonely. Working mad hours from dawn to dusk during certain stressful weeks, making time during my week day and weekend evenings for my commitments in church, the planned as well as often impromptu weekend engagements (such as the unanticipated cooking for and visiting of a new mum I gladly did last Saturday), with my unending list of people I haven’t visited or called in yonks… E go hard to pause and think of loneliness. Although mumsie seems to believe that I’m constantly engaged in one activity or the other because I do, in fact, suffer from unacknowledged feelings of loneliness that I’m trying to mask … but such recountings of our many conversations on the subject will be left for another day. 🙂

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 14, 2014 at 12:39 pm

      Should be “trepidation” in the first line… and there was something wierd going on with the page when I opened it up the first time. Una dey try at BN oh, I for don pack up the effort and just returned to the previous format by now, out of sheer frustration with how many teething issues keep cropping up. More grace!

    • jcsgrl

      July 14, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      Lol at your momsie alleging you have loneliness issues you are trying to mask. You know my hubby and I said the same thing about a single friend of ours who is always busy. As in Monday to Sunday always somewhere not for biz o but pleasure. So we hypothesized it must be loneliness. Her own too much ahn ahn. As for me, I love my own company die. I can stay home all weekend and have a ball. So I dont know what loneliness feels like. Now on the contrary my momsie feels my overindependence is a sign I have deeper issues. That how can I not need people. That I enjoy my own company too much for my own good. I’m still trying to shrink myself and see if there is some truth to her sayings…still thinkin

    • Chinny

      July 15, 2014 at 4:13 am

      You’re in Aberdeen too? I should begin a manhunt for you. This place can be dry abeg, laptop and phone: my hens anyday.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 15, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      @Jscgirl, I will admit that 1 can be a lonely number… if you let it. And even though I’m not scared of being alone, I’m terrified of any encroaching feelings of loneliness. If that makes sense. However, let’s not tell my mother a fuel the paranoia she bears on behalf of her kids. Although, that could work in my favor and she reverses her decision about returning to see me. 🙂

      @chinny, let the manhunt begin! 🙂 🙂 How we wan take find ourselves?

  4. Neo

    July 14, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    World Cup ended fro me when Nigeria was knocked out so I’ve been coping since. In other news the debauchery that is BBA returns soon, so there you have it for entertainment.

    On to the matter, I have always struggled to find the balance between being lonely when I’m alone and missing my space when i have people around me. Family is another state, closest friends in another. I’ve made some awesome new friends and we always plan activity when loneliness starts to loom. I think people tend to associate loneliness with lacking a significant other, fill your life with the things you love to do instead of sitting at home and moping.

  5. Jade

    July 14, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Sadly i can no longer view bella naija on my mobile and i still dont understand why that is. Any hoo on the subject of loneliness, i left Nigeria for the UK last september and it has been the loneliest year of my life, although i have sisters here but everyone is soo consumed with work and family balance there no time for aught else, and since i dont have a husband or children to tend im left twiddling my thumbs plus the fact that Liverpool is a mainly white dominated city, making friends my age who arent married orhave a multitiude of children is nil. Then as for love from afar, that has seemed to be the best method for me, whenever my bf and i are together for a while we begin to snarl and growl at each other unnecessarily but when we are apart, everything is rosy. now he has hinted on proposing when i get back to nigeria in december and i am worried because somebody needs to be ravelling regularly for at least a mont or three weeks ya know? and yes i have decided to go back home, this life aint for me jare. 🙁

  6. D

    July 14, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Loneliness…My family sent me to a state that even some Americans do not realise is a state in the US and yes in that state (NOTE not town) you notice when a new person of color comes into town. So I learned real fast to enjoy my own company that even my oyinbo buddies would complain that I needed to hang out more. I am an introvert so I tend to keep to myself. Siblings are in different states, friends like wise since I moved after graduation and I happen to get married to someone who also enjoys just having the 2 of us by ourselves 70% of the time but we are working on making new friends not so much because we feel lonely but because we are beginning to understand that no man(not talking about marriage here) is made to be on their own and we need to have our network of friends. I love having my family around but after a few days I begin to itch for my own space.

  7. Ima

    July 14, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    “Besides, I have a very good coping mechanism for loneliness. My laptop & my phone.”
    You’ve said it all. Throw in some internet access and apples to nibble on, and I’m in total bliss.

    • Iphie

      July 16, 2014 at 9:07 am

      Kai! you people have a way with words that just crack me up!

  8. Jay

    July 14, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    I really don’t get lonely even though I live abroad cos my boyfriend and I are like twins and there is no dull moment. I have no friend except him though but he is a handful himself with plenty Nigerian gist, shopping, church activities, football , clubbing and the endless dinners….then my mom on whatsapp always saying I never have her time as I am always in the library or doing a part time…oh dear mother, I have to hussle too. How could I forget irokotv,?God bless Jason Njoku. Overall, there’s no dull moment with me and my boyfriend calls me as I always have endless plans about what we should be doing.

  9. Loulou

    July 14, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    Between work, church, taking care of my dad, loneliness doesn’t come in often, but when it comes, i just get me a good book or movie or call friends to hang out or sleep. I love my own company a lot, and so am not bothered like most when it gets lonesome, but i do want to get married soon so i can have someone to share and fight with other than my siblings…

  10. Chichi

    July 14, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    My phone never fails me and i sleep for long hours to cure my boredom. (

  11. TANTRA

    July 14, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    When I am lonely, I watch movies – seasonal ones.

  12. Blue

    July 14, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    I get really lonely at times n end up refreshing bellanaija and instagram endlessly like they owe me posts. The crappy network service we have here makes matters worse. My school is in a remote town in the eastern part of Nigeria n being dt m pursuing a 5yrs BMR degree my frnds left after dre 4 yrs BSC n I find it really difficult to make new friends seeing that I like my circle and my space…can be really frustrating buh thanks to sleep,bbm n phone calls I get to live on…. 1mnth left n m outta this village …oh plus I have a super awesome fiance who bridges d gap with calls when he’s nt working n we get to visit each other wn m nt tied down wiv school work.

  13. myss ayanfeoluwa

    July 14, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    As much as i love my own company, i still feel LONELY!!!!!!!! But whenever i feel that way, i have my phones…. I play music, stand in front of my dressing mirror and start shaking my bum lol…. Sometimes, i visit friends…… The one i do most is to SLEEP cos i can sleep for d whole world…lol. Mind u, u can be married & feel lonely, u can be in a relationship & still feel lonely so it is better for your life to be complete with or without someone in it….

    • bee

      July 14, 2014 at 11:02 pm

      bless you myss ayanfeoljwa for that your last statement.don’t run into a relationship/marriage just cuz ure lonely!be whole with or without someone in your life

  14. Iyke

    July 14, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    What exactly is being lonely?
    That word doesn’t exist in my consciousness. You should have absolutely no desire to fit in. Knowing how to be alone in my opinion, is honestly what we all need. I’d rather climb this mountain of life alone than be just another blind ship herded by the masses at the base of the mountain…No one defines me but me!

    • Person

      July 14, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      Iyke ehn, for the first time, I actually *DO* agree with you. *faints and wakes up* LOL.

    • Grace E

      July 14, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      for your mind now oh!! LOL u aint never lie tho

  15. Ruby

    July 14, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    Atoke love, waiting for the Boo in canada gist #waving my fairy wand. You can title the post ‘long distance love’ #winks.
    Alone is different from lonely, Even in the midst of crowd, one can be lonely oo. If you don’t open up yourselves to experience and enjoy the present! As for me, I try to always live in the now, maximise the moments, learn the lessons and have fun! No time to be lonely!

  16. Annie

    July 14, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    Loneliness doesn’t have a place here……. i would rather stay indoors during the weekends than visit friends, i am either watching a movie/series, reading a book or resting, who gets lonely in this Lagos sef? i love me my space, once i have electricity, a book to read, a movie/series to watch and food…loneliness won’t find me interesting…a man or a woman cannot complete anyone, u can be in same room, building with ur gf/bf,husband,wife and still be lonely o jare……

  17. Miss Pee

    July 14, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    Loneliness to me opens my mind to creativity, I virtually started creating things when I feel lonely, so in my state of loneliness creativity creep in. I don’ have my friends but I have people around who want to make friends with me, as a person who truly understand myself, I get easily irritated with people easily and when am irritated, it takes God to revive me from that irritation. So I mind my business and face my creative hobby

  18. beautifulonyinye

    July 14, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    I’m rarely ever lonely.I really enjoy my company when I’m not at work or I watch my series or I sleep.I can actually sleep for the better part of a day.I enjoy my husband’s,family’s and friends’ company when they’re around but I really do enjoy my space.

  19. baboushka

    July 14, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    Lol I can see I am not the only sleeper in here haha I can sleep for the world. I love my own company have always done from childhood that is why most of the childhood games like hopscotch and what not I no sabi to ride bike sef I don’t know. I would play outside for half an hour get bored and go straight back into the house to watch cartoons or read a book still the same to this day if I go out it is to honour an occasion. I can set foot in the house on Friday evening and leave again Monday morning as long as I have my internet connection, laptopp, cable TV and some good books and food I am good to go. Sometimes you can be surrounded by people but still feel lonely and you can be alone and so fulfilled you don’t need any company surrounding you.

  20. Idak

    July 14, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    My happiest times have been when I was all alone and some of the biggest fun moments have been when I flew solo.
    I have amazing company at present and thank God for them but I have never been one to complain about loneliness.
    Besides,there is a world of difference between being ‘aloneness’ and loneliness.

    “I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude”.

  21. Grace E

    July 14, 2014 at 5:48 pm

    save some money and travel.. doesn’t have to be an exotic destination…you’d never be bored #thankmelater

  22. Carliforniabawlar

    July 14, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    Its interesting how loneliness has crept up on me of late….i work in a unit all by myself, so i’m literally alone for days sometimes cos i work shifts and most times i don’t even have cell reception & internet connection. I’ve always taken pride in enjoying my own company, i have the most interesting mind ever and sometimes i even laugh by myself, i’d think of something stupid, laugh and say ‘gurl you’re so crazy’ lol. But of late i’ve found myself wanting to share my craze with someone, not exactly in the romantic sense, just anyone. But the catch is your girlfriends and even family are not going to ‘commit’ to keeping you company on the steady….most people find mates and move on, hence why being lonely is kinda akin to wanting a close relationship with the opposite sex and/or to getting married. People are often shamed for craving this, everyone wants to be seen as strong and independent…i think that’s the box. If i’d be honest with myself, i’m cool being single now, but i don’t see myself being that cool with it when all my friends are ‘gone’. I know! I have to keep making new friends right? I’ve been pretty great at that actually….but the revolving door gets pretty tiring…
    Howeves, in the time being, i found that reading about things i find interesting and staying creative helps keep the lonely thoughts at bay….

    • TA

      July 14, 2014 at 8:31 pm

      Thanks for speaking my mind.

  23. Mzlyrics

    July 14, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Seems like Atoke has been listening to some of my thoughts lately cos I am sooooo lonely that I can cry as I write this! This weird loneliness has been hanging somewhere around me since I got married last year and moved to another country. I NEVER imagined how lonely it would be for me. I missed my family so much in the first few months that I would cry silently to myself. I miss my friends too. The sad part though is that life has kinda happened to us all and these friends I am pining for have since moved too. They are moving to other cities to be with their own husbands, having babies and so on, so it is even hard keeping up and being in touch with them. I think I just miss my Uni life!!! That time we all lived together in Moremi and stuffed ourselves with Indomie and egg and fantasized about the life we are all living now. It hurts to be lonely esp when you are a ‘hyperactive’ person like me. I have tried to make new friends here but I don’t know why it doesn’t feel the same or maybe I haven’t given them a chance sha. Everyone seems to be sooo busy and when they are not busy, no money for activities cos we are all students! Chaiii, Atoke, see all what you have made me write now!!! #sorryforrambling #rantover!

    • Fashionista

      July 15, 2014 at 11:55 am

      Awwww, E-hugs? moving away from home is never easy.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      July 15, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      I wish I had something wise or witty to say to whip you out of this mood. I’m sorry you are hurting so bad. I believe you can still do something to keep it at bay if not completely get over the loneliness. Perhaps because you are too focused on your state its difficult to think of anything else. But I think if you open up your creativity it would indirectly bring you in touch with people with whom you can develop relationships of a different type than you are used too. and you may be surprised how fulfilling you may find them. Don’t be down.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 15, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      “That time we all lived together in Moremi and stuffed ourselves with Indomie and egg and fantasized about the life we are all living now…. Everyone seems to be sooo busy and when they are not busy, no money for activities cos we are all students!”

      I can co-sign with that except for me, it didn’t all happen at Moremi Hall; it was Oscar Plaza instead. Have great memories of moving in as the first ever clutch of females to use that block of flats, right outside UST and amazing friendships we formed in our 2-3years living there. Not having any money but having big dreams of where we’ll all be but now that we’re there, it’s so hard to plan any fun meetings together.

      You’ll make new friends, my luv and hopefully, build new lasting memories together. Keep yourself open to discovering people like you in the same community and in the meantime, take loads of opportunities to try something new with your hubby. Many cities have sites which advertise vouchers for nights away in a hotel in a nearby city, doing some activity, or even going to a restaurant which serves a cuisine you’ve never tried. You’ll find something which catches your fancy if you look and I hope it’ll be a window as well to meeting new people. 🙂

    • ayo

      July 16, 2014 at 1:26 am

      Hello Mzlyrics!!! Trust me you will be just fine.In some years from now you will look back ,and laugh.I came to the Us January 2011 and trust me the 1st two months were bliss with the feeling of I was in the US and life is good. Fast forward to a month later boredom started ,job I couldn’t get as a result of the bad economy,money reduced (May that never happen again,Amen) friends I did not have because my friends were back home in naija,boyfriend did not have,School I could not enter because my Gmat did not favor me.I searched for jobs for 6 months even if it was to work in McDonalds could not get because I was overqualified and trust me oh I left a very good banking job in Naija.I started blaming everybody oh that why did i not just stay back in Naija and still did not find friends yet. Went to all the shopping malls with the question are you hiring ,most times they will say no but One eventually called me and offered me a job in June 2011 in a retail store and worked like ‘jackie’.Started meeting people in church who connected me with other people ,got invited for game nights ,from there I started feeling a bit at home got a 2nd job still doing gmat oh and failing .2012,things started getting better still working two jobs making friends,2013 Gmat still failed me but God showed himself,got admitted in to one of the best Universities in the state that i reside.I now have friends that I get invited to events every week sef that i get tired of attending.Now I can buy plenty shoes and bags ,pick and unpick events that i want to attend.Looking back at 2011 before I could buy a payless shoe of $10 I will think and think and plan and plan but now I have many shoes that i don’t want anymore. In conclusion,believe in God ,be open minded ,the economy is better you will soon get a very good job and remember this moment too shall pass.

  24. lonelygirlintheUS

    July 14, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    i can totally relate with Jade. I came to the US January this year on Green card lottery, some will say i am lucky and i need to give it time to adjust, but i have concluded that the life here isnt for me. I am super lonely and been trying to get a job as well.. Basically, nothing excites me anymore and my relationship is almost over, of course due to distance and other factors. i have nothing to hold on to here, and yes i have also decided to move back in December, God willing.

    • Carliforniabawlar

      July 14, 2014 at 10:18 pm

      Hmmm….sending hugs your way my dear!! I know the feeling of moving out to be in the middle of nowhere by yourself!! I was in your shoes 5years ago….but I’ll tell you something, if you stick it out, it will pass!!
      One good tip If you are ‘religious’; find a good church and attend more than just sunday meetings. Get up for first-timers call and give them hints on your situation. Most churches/mosques have people who open up their homes to foreigners. The youth group in my church really helped me! I was meeting on Sundays, Wednesdays for bible study and Fridays for game night/youths meeting…lol.. Or even bad as e bad, you can maybe reach out to the African community in your city, If you see person wey resemble Naija for mall, walk up to them and chat them up….you can’t have the Naija “I don’t know you from jack” attitude around here o…lol.
      And lastly be open and smile, I was so open to making new friends…I’m not the most approachable person and most folks think I’m a snob, But watch as I turned on the charm when i met anyone I thought we could ‘click’. Na so I go dey collect numbers like a player o, inviting fellow chicks out to lunch/dinner/movies or even cook for them. Obviously you have to apply caution wrt all of my suggestions oh!! you don’t want to end up in some serial killer’s basement…hehehe.
      But on a serious note, Its a different society out here but trust me you can cope.
      Don’t give up just yet darl! xoxo

    • bee

      July 15, 2014 at 12:07 am

      Felt the same way when I moved to yankee. Even wanted to go back to Le boo who was in naija at that time. But now its all water under the bridge.

    • Ginger

      July 15, 2014 at 2:04 am

      Hey dear, I know how you feel, I moved here two years ago and the first year had to be the most memorable of my life… Kept asking myself why I left Naija, but I knew God brought me here for a purpose so I kept trying, one day at a time…. Life is not perfect now, but it feels like home for now. Like she said, find a group of some sort to join, consciously look for the good in people/things, just carve a niche for yourself and of course if all these efforts don’t bear fruit, do what you think is best for you, will be praying.,… All the best!

  25. DOO

    July 14, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    For me, loneliness only occurs when you live in obodo oyinbo. Too many things happening in Gidi for me to be lonely here. If you are lonely, send Atoke your details I have a couple of friends I can introduce you to who will sort you out.

    • Rhecks

      July 27, 2014 at 8:21 am

      I live in Gidi too and terribly lonely most times, can you send suggestions on which fun places to go? And where I can meet interesting people? I don tire to dey watch movies/read books everyday! Lol

  26. hey hey

    July 14, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    For me I’ve had so many lonely years and I’m kinda used to it. Living with a boring uncle makes it worse

  27. Kemi

    July 14, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Truth is everyone need a little human interaction to keep sanity. Too alone can lead to depression and crazy thoughts. You can be with friends and still feel alone or you can be alone and be thinking you missing out. If one has a spouse or boyfriend…they cannot be your company 24/7, truth is it is best to first love yourself…then enjoy your own company first…then when you have lots of company, it would just be fun and not feel like yeah…I finally got company to chill with. Find a hobby…learn to be creative…read books…volunteer at the church or your community…make a friend with someone different from you..for real…loneliness is of the mind and if after all this you still feel lonely…go to a random store or cafe and just chat with a stranger or store worker. See everyone just needs a little human interaction for the day…like a shot of espresso to get through the day…but don’t isolate yourself from people ever…insane madness will occur next. Hope this was yourself first and enjoy being with you then…. Other things will follow. Hugs to anyone feeling lonely out there…:-)

  28. abigail

    July 14, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    I used to feel lonely. Now I started a company and the work + creativity it requires takes all my time. There is still the rare moment when I think to myself that I could be out dancing (and I would love to dance more, like I used to when I was single… nothing stopping me though). But in general, my life feels full. Wasn’t always that way, but deep inside, I’ve always been an introvert. So no surprise there.

  29. NNENNE

    July 14, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    When you work six days a week, the word loneliness will cease to exist. You actually go home to rest desperately, craving to be left alone.

    • Chike

      July 15, 2014 at 1:32 am

      Sorry but this made me laugh loud LMAO!!!

  30. brules

    July 14, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    oh loneliness!ii think that defines people living abroad,i just don’t get it.what it turns you into sef,embarrassing!was home to visit and my friends could not but help notice how my hyperactive self has suddenly become reserved. I think we are very family oriented as Nigerians,so we are out hanging out with fam n friends all weekend,meanwhile in the western world,we are busy working all week long,i almost did not want to leave Nigeria again o……infact i don’t understand it again People in the US complaining at least there are a host of black/Naija’s there,come to Canada and see,an OYO kinda life. I pray to remain sane in all.Amen

  31. chidimma chime

    July 15, 2014 at 3:49 am

    Omo,loneliness nor b here oh….I just finished my youth service and decided to stay bak in bayelsa state…d boredom is terrifying, most times I just stay back @ work till it is 8 pm,tired of hanging out with some guys who u knw deep down,u not friends….I can’t wait to get out of here!!!! My fone is my saving grace though,Bella naija to d rescue too*smizessss*….

  32. Gbubemi

    July 15, 2014 at 7:52 am

    I didn’t feel lonely till I got pregnant. I can’t do a lot of the things I used to do and I can’t work anymore. As a single person the word lonely was so foreign to me, but now being newly wed and expectant I have too much free time. Plus I’m in a new city with very few friends, it’s just hard hard hard!!!

  33. Katriel

    July 15, 2014 at 10:21 am

    Wow there are so many opportunities out there and activities that i think loneliness is a choice. Only have one life and make the most of it 🙂

  34. Romy

    July 18, 2014 at 5:19 am

    I can totally relate to everyone who has moved away from home to a different place especially a foreign country. it was hard for me too when I first moved to the U.S. I would literally cry for days as I didn’t have that many people to talk to. My friends and immediate family were back in Nigeria so I was borderline lonely. it has gotten a bit better. but honestly, the loneliness has made me a loner who is able to achieve more especially creatively because I can think straight. however, do I hate it? yes, sometimes, but I know everything is all for a season. so to everyone on here who feels lonely hopefully our lonely days shall eventually pass and be brightened with beautiful fun. Till then, lets be thankful for the gift of life and of sound mind. kisses to every bellanaijarian. you all are my new found friends and family. And @mzlyrics please put a smile on that lovely face and show us your 32. kisses and e-hugs to everyone here. XOXO.

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