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Kome Olori Agulonu: How to be a Good Nigerian Wife

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Dear Nigerian wife, heartfelt congratulations to you on your recent nuptials. Love is indeed a beautiful thing and I am so pleased that you have met and married the man of your dreams. Surely after all the celebration, you just want to go home and live happily ever after with your other half. To help you navigate towards your future happiness, here are a few words of wisdom from me to you completely free of charge:

The first thing you must know about being a good wife is that your in-laws have all the power in your marriage. Regardless of all you thought or imagined in the past, you start to live by their grace as soon as you say “I do”. Yes. They can visit your home anytime they like with suitcases in tow and stay for as long as they like too. Simply delete any idea you have to complain – after all, you should be grateful they let their son or brother marry you. Instead, as a good wife, you should concern yourself with more important things like getting pregnant immediately. Do not get it twisted. These people are not interested in your ‘good’ girl reputation. All they really want are grand-children.  How you even managed to marry their son without a bun in the oven is beyond them. Didn’t Mary mother of Jesus experience Immaculate Conception? So why didn’t you?

Secondly- for as long as you intend to stay married to Mr wonderful, your cooking has to be on point. In this case, variety is your friend. You have to be able to impress him with your cooking if you want him to keep growing in love with you. Under no condition should you consider ordering food from outside your home; only lazy women get take-out for their families to eat. So please even if hubby requests for Banga soup and starch at midnight, you have to be willing to make it for him. Failure to deliver will push hubby into the hands of those girls out there.

Ha those girls out there! Haven’t you noticed them hanging around before? They are the hot, single ladies who go everywhere in Brazilian hair, short dresses and enough makeup to kill the fishes in the Atlantic Ocean. They are hard-core believers in the merits of married men and their main aim of living is your husband. They go everywhere hoping to bump into him so they can snatch him. But don’t be deceived oh. Even though they look like they live in the salon, these babes can cook! Think about any dish – pepper soup, banga soup, Ayematse, even Bolognese. It does not matter what country or continent the dish is from, they will deliver.

If the girls outside do not catch your husband first, trust the witches and wizards in both your villages to do it. Imagine both Yokozuna and the Undertaker catching your man in a tight corner, and then you know that he is finished. It does not matter that he has never been to his village before. All these forces need to know is that he got married and has to provide for his family to come after him with the vengeance of Amadioha (Igbo deity). To safe guard him and your happiness, you have to join the nearest praying church in your area preferably the ones that chase their enemies with fire. Thereafter, you have to pray every day and night or the witches will think that you are only joking. Ignore the fact that your husband sleeps through your night vigils. It is not him you are after. It is the witches and you don’t want them to intensify their mission. Or do you?

Before long, things should start to quiet down on the spiritual front since more people from your village will have gotten hitched. The shift will leave enough time for you to diligently do your husband’s laundry. Note -Dirty shirts and boxers are your new best friends. They allow you to prove your undying love for your husband. Luckily many people have washing machines nowadays so they rarely have to deal with the skid marks left on oga’s underwear. If for any reason you do not have one of those machines in your house Ariel detergent and a few scrubs works wonders. The magic is complete when everything is dry, neatly ironed and arranged in the drawers for the next wear. His colleagues, friends and family will see how impeccably dressed he is and praise you to high heavens.

Now, while you are pleasing the in-laws, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, working (because modern men detest idle women) you have to make it your objective to remain sexy. So that when the time for adult games come (the one that usually involves a bed) he has absolutely nothing to complain about. You must never plead tiredness, headaches or you will have to explain what you have been doing all day? Also, it is highly beneficial if you endeavour to stay fit because he may ask you to get into all sorts of kinky positions perhaps involving a pole. Whatever you do, do not give him a reason to return you to your father’s house like a broken Barbie. We all know that it does not end well for wives who are returned. Keep him happy.

Dear wife, you do not need to be Nigerian to benefit from the advice here. These words will help you even if you or your husband is from another part of Africa where a happy husband means a happy wife and home.

Finally, thank you, dear reader for reading this far. Allow me to point out that the words above do not reflect my opinion of marriage or how to be a good wife in any way. They are simply, extreme, stereotypical opinions (compiled with fun in mind) of marriage that have been passed on to many young ladies, including me as advise by well-meaning friends and family. To me, a good marriage is not at all about servitude, subjugation or any of their cousins.

I hope you enjoyed my compilation and look forward to any additional stereotypical ideas that you can add in the comment area.

Live, Love, Laugh.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Orangeline

Kome Olori Agulonu is a writer and trade finance analyst. She is also the CEO of Chunky Jewels, a brand of unique, African inspired costume jewellery sold online in the United Kingdom. You can read more of her writing on her blog: www.shedarestosucceed.com Connect with her via twitter @komeolori or email her at [email protected]

101 Comments

  1. bruno

    October 29, 2014 at 9:59 am

    pls what is the point of this article. it wasnt even funny.

    • bibi

      October 29, 2014 at 11:47 am

      bruno,i am praying for you ok?

    • bruno

      October 29, 2014 at 1:38 pm

      you are looking for my trouble, stop praying for me

    • Frankly Chris

      October 30, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      And what constitutes funny to you exactly. While you are at it, you might be lucky to run into “the point” of the article. Good luck with the ultimate search.

    • MUslimah

      October 30, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      Bruno Are you unemployed?

    • Isioma

      October 31, 2014 at 10:57 am

      My thought exactly..

  2. UberChick

    October 29, 2014 at 10:02 am

    Sarcasm is a skill!!!

    • tunmi

      October 29, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      I felt the writer could have done better.

  3. jessica

    October 29, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Lmaooo @ you have to join the nearest praying church in your area **preferably the ones that chase their enemies with fire. **

    Very funny read but I agree with you the stereotyping is crazy thank God our generation is a bit different…oh dear!

  4. annie

    October 29, 2014 at 10:05 am

    i am trying to understand you please is this for housewives or working wives too?

    • Magz

      October 29, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      Please did you read everything???

  5. naana

    October 29, 2014 at 10:09 am

    and the husbands??????

  6. Bellemoizelle

    October 29, 2014 at 10:10 am

    I was already screaming warrisdis ooo! Then I was patient enough to read to the end and voila! It was all sarcasm,I for fear ooooo! Chai some women are living like this ooo and are not appreciated! La vie est belle………………

  7. B.A.K

    October 29, 2014 at 10:14 am

    Not funny. a friend of mine had a funnier version on her Facebook page . going to copy and paste

    • Anonymous

      October 29, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      please u do not repost from other peoples blog on someone elses page…at least appreciate the time it took

  8. B.A.K

    October 29, 2014 at 10:17 am

    I don’t know who added me to Facebook group ‘x’.
    In the beginning, the posts that kept showing up in my news feed were mildly irritating and then for some reason I began reading them and quickly became a silent reader.

    I have learnt many things reading the thoughts of the ‘average’ nigerian woman who can now share her thoughts firmly via her mobile phone, and it is all just ….

    Make up your own minds as I share what I have learnt in one year.

    1. The answer is almost always prayer.
    We really don’t care what your problem is but you are definitely not praying enough. When you are really serious, you will wake up midnight and pray naked. Call his or her or name 7 times and speak what you want to life, and see if it will not come to pass.

    2. Be more submissive to your husband. when he beats you, insults your parents to their faces, has sex with your younger sister, impregnates your under aged househelp, it’s because you don’t know your place as a woman. Don’t forget to cover his shame, his shame is your shame.Please forgive him, we are all going through the same thing, you are even lucky he confessed, he is a good man. The man is the head, you are the neck. Maybe you have let yourself go and you stopped doing the ninja styles you did before. You are playing with fire woman, you better do something before he brings in any of the stupid single ladies out there who will treat him like the king that he is. Besides, God hates divorce, marriage is till death do us part. it’s in the bible

    4. Your ‘matrimonial’ bed is your throne,the symbol of your Kingdom. you must never ever, I repeat- never ever allow anyone sit , talk less of lie down on it. My mother told me so, so it must be true. Even she slept on the floor of our one bedroom when she came for omugwo after her cancer treatment.

    5. Never bring in a woman into your home especially in the first 3 years. You see; men are children and cannot fight temptation. Do you keep your goat with your yam?
    Don’t let your sister sleep in your house for more than 2 days. She may be possessed or a witch lusting after the things you have now.Let your friends meet you at the bus stop, you can smell their too strong perfume from there anyway.
    Pray, my sister pray. These men will not kill us o.

    6. If your husband beats you, you need to search your inner soul, you know you talk too much and ‘we women have too much wahala in our body’. Maybe you are not working, men don’t like leeches. if you pray fervently and get a job (you have to back prayer with action) You will see how things will change. Oh!- you are a Doctor/Engineer/some other supposedly high paying professional? You sef true true like wahala. have you not heard you’re supposed to be the neck? You are the type that serves the children and yourself food first before oga abi? You have to get a job as a teacher in your ‘area’ fast. what do you need more than 15k a month for? or better still ask oga to open open a shop in front of your compound for you and don’t forget to be very grateful.

    7. Your husband wants to have sex one week after you had the baby and you don’t think you are ready? my sister you are really blessed o. The Doctor said you should wait at least 6 weeks? are you sure the doctor is not single and wants to destroy your matrimonial home. Please give it to him now now, anyway he wants it, is it not his own?

    7. Watch and pray. The devil is outside in a mini skirt looking for whom to devour . Watch and Pray.

    I can’t take it any more and must remove myself from all of this I just really want to know who added me to that group and say thanks.

    • Dear BAK

      October 29, 2014 at 11:23 am

      Please what group is this?

    • Dora the explorer

      October 29, 2014 at 11:23 am

      B.A.K are you male or female?

    • Mrs Dee

      October 29, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      Pls wat group is dis, am female married with kids and frustrated of being married, ur write up motivates me.

    • Dora the explorer

      October 29, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      @Mrs Dee I am 100% B.A.K did not mean to encourage you in any way with the content posted in that group X he/she has been reading. B.A.K was only trying to point out how women in marriages deal with their problems by hushing everything and praying… Please seek counselling ma. Thanks.

    • Tee

      October 30, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      You can join BABES Redefined group on facebook. Its a Christian group that share inspirations and counsel on life issues.

    • Idomagirl

      October 29, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. On point!!!

    • Hian

      November 3, 2014 at 4:56 am

      That Mamalette group makes me want to slap somebody. Babes redefined has some saner women but unfortunately, Naija women are everywhere giving horrible advise. Divorce is not the answer to all problems o but sitting and collecting diseases, slaps and abuse will not guarantee you entry to Heaven. Naija women and sufferhead.

  9. deb

    October 29, 2014 at 10:20 am

    The only thing that keeps a marriage to work is prayer and communication. In law’s are beasts, they just do things that are unimaginable and you will be wondering( these people actually are educated)

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      November 5, 2014 at 5:56 pm

      Right right!
      Sigh @ the rubbish we condone. I actually don’t think it is about Nigerian married women and men anymore. It all boils down the values/principles/motives we hold.
      Smh the lack of shame that comes with being a beast.
      I pray God will continue to make us invisible to beasts. What more can I say? This is the reality for so many women. My heart bleeds even though they know not to marry.

  10. Shadylaj

    October 29, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Lol! I was getting ready to finish you with abuses……until i read to the end. Nice write-up.

  11. Derry

    October 29, 2014 at 10:25 am

    Hilarious

  12. Fume

    October 29, 2014 at 10:25 am

    Laughing in diff languages! Loved this [email protected] annie sidon there its for every woman if you like be bank manager. Oh and the one that advises you never to touch his phones or you will find what you’re looking for, Only Lazy women need house helps to take care of three children, the home, and still work in a private organization that makes her wake up at 4:am close at 5:30 to join the traffic till 8:30 or that you must prove yourself worthy to the in-laws that compare you to others even in your face. it is good to be aware that they’ll always have his back and you’re always in the wrong. heheeeeeheee thank God for my life

  13. i no send

    October 29, 2014 at 10:26 am

    yaaawn..same ole thing..slow news day BN ?

  14. dimma

    October 29, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Sarcasm, but is d bitter truth. 80% if not more of wives live like this. Is Africa

  15. Owelle

    October 29, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Eww @*skid marks left on oga’s underwear*
    Nice writeup btw, welldone.

  16. eka mmakamba

    October 29, 2014 at 10:39 am

    funny but so true.

  17. Jacques

    October 29, 2014 at 10:44 am

    The most annoying thing is it is actually women who set these standards.

  18. Que

    October 29, 2014 at 10:58 am

    I get the sarcasm, but its still boring to see yet another article on this subject….sarcastic or not…. we cant spend everyday dissecting marriage naa haba!

    • Fashionista

      October 29, 2014 at 11:19 am

      I completely agree abeg!

    • Bleed Blue

      October 29, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      Que and Fashionista, yep, my thoughts too.

      Overflogged subject.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 29, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      @Que, Fashionista and Bleed Blue – but you have to agree that B.A.K’s version brought a few chuckles forth.

      I can imagine the increasing bewilderment with which the frustrated writer had been silently reading all the “advice” being posted on that Facebook page.

      @B.A.K, please, what’s the name of the group your friend was added to? If I change my FB status to “married”, do you think I’ll be given an invite? Abeg, share because some things need to be read in person to be believed… 🙂

    • Lady

      October 29, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Mz SA which kind of chuckles? Unless maybe you’re having one of those days when anything and everything is funny.
      The thing is dry and we have seen too many of it’s type here on BN, written by both men and women. If I had energy I would have gone on to look for the links of similar pieces and put them here.
      Abeg I don tire for the matter. With the sarcasm and all. Big fat yawn.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 29, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      @Lady, maybe it’s just me but I thought B.A.K’s friend’s rant (which he or she poached and posted in his or her comment up here) was deliciously sarcastic.

    • Tosin

      October 29, 2014 at 6:58 pm

      What made it funniest to me was the thought that my sistas might be reading the thing, taking notes as in, ha, the competition is hot, I have to work harder, gird up for more abuse, up my game oh…and how long it would take them to figure out that it’s not real advice because they’d be taking it seriously.
      Come to think of it, maybe that’s why some people are annoyed by the piece.
      I also got some funny, disturbing facebook advice threads one time, I could not tell whether they were real human beings or a tribe of masochist aliens. Women, stop fucking doing this to yourselves. It’s not pretty.

      God bless the writer and the publisher, and if anyone still wants to sacrifice twenty or more years of her life to these misogynist traditions, at least they’d have CHOSEN the life of pain by themselves.

      These traditions are dangerous. I just lost an aunt. I was at her wedding just a few years ago. I remember being pissed at how in the wedding ceremony the preacher piled the whole responsibility for the marriage on her head. His exact words “ko ni bo lowo re” that is a prayer saying that she will not drop the ball, she will not fuck up. She followed the advice, did everything by the book, and if that is not what killed her (just this month.) My beautiful aunt, about my age.

    • Ada

      November 2, 2014 at 12:23 am

      lol…you don’t have to be married before you join this group
      I was added early this year & I’m not marriage (single sef 🙂

  19. chigurl

    October 29, 2014 at 11:03 am

    I didn’t really enjoy reading this, taking a dig at marriage has gotten old, everyone has something mean-spirited to say about it (joke or not), no wonder majority of folks struggle to believe there are married people who are genuinely happy.

  20. chigurl

    October 29, 2014 at 11:13 am

    instead of this, if we are really concerned about the ‘horror’ that is marriage, why not write articles that allow for meaningful and insightful conversations, open the floor for dialogue and let the change begin, lets ensure that by the time we (those of us still single), our sons, daughters are getting married things would have changed for the better.

    • Anonymous

      October 29, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      @chigurl i get what you are saying but there are a lot of people writing articles like the ones you are talking about. I for one think we all have double standards…. how many times have you criticized all them comedians for propagating nonsense and whats not? it was funny..plain and simple!!! appreciate the talent of the writer

  21. Ronke

    October 29, 2014 at 11:15 am

    And what about the men? are they supposed to relax while the woman does all these??? just saying

    • Tosin

      October 29, 2014 at 6:59 pm

      But it was not real. It was a joke. You need to read the thing again. I am tired.

    • Idomagirl

      October 29, 2014 at 10:08 pm

      Sarcasm honey….

  22. sum1special

    October 29, 2014 at 11:18 am

    Nothing extraordinary..i am sure every good wife knows these already…any other advice will do, because some women have done all mentioned and are still being cheated on or disrespected.

    • Tosin

      October 29, 2014 at 6:59 pm

      This is not for good wives, this is for doormats. For sufferheads. How can you not see that? How?

  23. Berry Dakara

    October 29, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Lol @ the article and the list from FB too

  24. Tee

    October 29, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Wow…well written and most of it is actually a reality for most people. I pity women worldwide but where there is a will, there is a way…things will get better for us all in due course. Nice one.

  25. lifeissweeter

    October 29, 2014 at 11:33 am

    my sister-in-law stays with me ,my mum met her in the market talking ill about me . my mum was walking behind her for about 30 mins and she wasnt aware, she kept telling her friend how evil i was and the friend told her the house is also her house and she has equal rights in the house with me . this happened years ago. i cant wait for the little monster to be out of my house ..

  26. Lila Lila

    October 29, 2014 at 11:52 am

    Well done, Nice piece. Funny but true talk. A word to a wise…………….. those who have ears should listen very very well

  27. Dear BAK

    October 29, 2014 at 11:55 am

    abeg free in laws. they’re all not bad. they’re just people, some good, some bad. start the way you intend to finish, set your boundaries and keep it moving knowing that you CANNOT die because of marriage and you’ll be fine

  28. manb4real

    October 29, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    God help us all

  29. Vivadrew

    October 29, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    Sarcasm yet the truth…anyways for the average-thinking Nigerian woman/I want to marry by fire-by-force ladies.

  30. Tosin

    October 29, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    I LOVE THIS.
    This is the content of the head of many people I’ve met.

  31. Vivadrew

    October 29, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    @Ronke, God bless you for that question. jess, are men supposed to be worshiped (even when they misbehave and break the altar vow by committing DVs, cheating, laziness etc) ? It get’s me vexed when I have to read bullcraps about petting and worshiping the ground they walk on. What about the women, are men not supposed to be lectured on how to treat a woman right, respect her family and massage her ego too…and yes I said HER EGO. God never put men/women above each other but rather as companions. Mbok, if you want to be treated like a king, treat your woman as the queen she is or watch her play your Blackjack too. Everyone (male/female) has the same nerves and blood to act out of the ordinary..Same blood flows forget what ever the society says.

    • Idomagirl

      October 29, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      SARCASM….

  32. Kome Olori Agulonu

    October 29, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Hi Chigurl, thank you for your comment. I can understand your irritation at people who ‘take a dig’ at marriage but allow me draw your attention to the fact that this article was not a dig at marriage in itself. Instead, it is about the kind of advise that new wives are given usually by their mothers, aunts and other more experienced women.
    I strongly believe that these misconceptions that are passed on freely without reservations are sometimes to blame for the problems people experience in their marriages.

    • Biggest Survivor

      October 30, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      HELLO Kome , while i appreciate the time and commitments it took you to write this story, I feel there is no point defending it, truth these stories exist and they will always no matter how civilized or well brought we end up to be. but THESE STORIES HAVE BEEN OVERFLOGGED ON BELLA NAIJA.
      We need to tell fresh stories, and not dwell on these overflogged issue, the bright side of marriage en all. This is not an attempt to criticise or downgrade your creative ability and passion but just point out what i think is OBVIOUS.
      THANK YOU……..

  33. IH

    October 29, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    BN: What about articles on ladies that don’t want to be married in Nigeria? ehn?, articles about how to tell your parents you don’t want to be married and how to reply snorty ‘when will you get married’ questions?

  34. bruno

    October 29, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    you are looking for my trouble, stop praying for me.

  35. Genny

    October 29, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    hehehhheh inlaws staying very long is not too goodooooo cause they will surely wake up one day and start complaining that wifyy did this on that meanwhile husbands have alot of work to do as well to keep the love flowing like some are so selfish that even in bed once they are satisfied they sleep off or start watching soccer , infact no foreplay forgetting that most women get satisfied better just with during foreplay, ask many married women whats wrong with their marriages the answer you will get is always MY DEAR YOU WONT UNDERSTAND.LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..

  36. papermoon

    October 29, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    Some wives at times cause some of these problems. she wont allow the husbands family to visit but will want her mother and sisters to be there through out the year. Some wives think the husband should not give anything to his family, even is parents meanwhile she wants everything for her parents and siblings. SOMETIMES ……………………………. the wives are the problem.

  37. Jiddah

    October 29, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    I agree with the person who said articles like this are written everyday. On twitter, Facebook et al, all we see are the reasons why marriages are horrible. Some people even make it a point to tell stories about colleagues or friends or even neighbors who they know are troubled one or the other in their marriages. No relationship is a bed of roses. None. I understand the sarcasm of the article, it is not lost on me, i even laugh at a point. Even for expensive wedding that are put up on BN, people start to ask if they are truly happy? what is it na? even those living in face to face and had just a sitting room wedding can till have problems. Lets just give this thing a break and let those in marriages experience their challenges, pull thru and do whatever abeg

  38. B.A.K

    October 29, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    lol she says the name of the group is Adorable mum on Facebook. join at your own peril

    • Idomagirl

      October 29, 2014 at 10:11 pm

      LMAO….

  39. Anonymous

    October 29, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    @Olori!! i had a good laugh…. been laughing since..
    i thought it was a very good read. Sarcasm is a skill.
    @chigurl i get what you are saying but are you also going to criticize all them comedians for propagating aristos and whats not? it was funny..plain and simple!!! appreciate the talent of the writer
    @ B.A.K please u do not repost from other peoples blog on someone elses page…at least appreciate the time it took

  40. Ces (B.A.K 's friend)

    October 29, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    Thanks ‘B’ for posting my rant without my permission. You try;)

    The name of the group is Adorable mum, it’s a nice group in the sense that there is a sense of camaraderie amongst the women who share and talk about their problems and get immediate AND feisty feedback.
    But..

    B.A.K is female.

    p.s.
    Wish all the likes for my rant was money.

    p.s.s
    There are lots and lots of good marriages. Shit is hard but worth it.
    #notallnigerianmarriages

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 29, 2014 at 6:54 pm

      Hahahaha! If the number of likes was money, it better be coming with at least 3 zeros behind it… 🙂

      Thanks for clarifying about the group, I’ll abandon my plans to stalk them as it sounds like something set up with the good intention for mums to share their burdens with each other.

  41. me

    October 29, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    To say the truth, bellanaija has added to my loss of interest in marriage, almost evrytin I see everywhere is on how marriages don’t work, how many marriages rily work, maybe just my dad and mums own. Please for God sake we need fresh air abeg, give us articles of happy couples working it out, maybe people with experience who will motivate the younger ones like me, I know marriage has its own challenges but give us more articles that will help people become better wives,like more of articles like pastor Odukoyas own, abeg this tins don’t motivate me. I even told my mum that am not even in the mood for marriage, she started fasting and prayer for me. I pray for a marriage like my parents own, that generation needs to teach us what they did right abeg. Please feature more couples in their 50s or 60s abeg, maybe a new column should be opened for them so we can learn. Thank you

  42. Just me

    October 29, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Interesting read.
    Her points might help someone in need of it.
    One thing, she did not mention is sex. I guess that is not important in her marriage

    • Anonymous

      October 29, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      Just incase u missed it
      “Now, while you are pleasing the in-laws, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, working (because modern men detest idle women) you have to make it your objective to remain sexy. So that when the time for adult games come (the one that usually involves a bed) he has absolutely nothing to complain about. You must never plead tiredness, headaches or you will have to explain what you have been doing all day? Also, it is highly beneficial if you endeavour to stay fit because he may ask you to get into all sorts of kinky positions perhaps involving a pole.”

  43. NNENNE

    October 29, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    ….And what does the man bring to the relationship?
    Today, most women work equally as hard and are bread winners too.
    Why should a woman who can care for herself be subjected to all these? ?

    • Tosin

      October 29, 2014 at 7:04 pm

      Because men are gods. Capital G even.
      That is why they are the head and you are the murdafoging neck.
      That is why Jesus, Muhammed, father Abraham, and all those were dudes.
      That is why you have boobs but they have little , anyway. You get the idea. You were born to serve. Serve. Serve. Enjoy it.

  44. moneke

    October 29, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    how refreshing to see a parody of what to do to keep your man,

  45. NNENNE

    October 29, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Nice article. We need to address these issues because our marriages are failing.
    Women’s roles in society have changed. Africa’s expectations of married women need to be tweaked.

  46. Vocalcords

    October 29, 2014 at 5:48 pm

    Hilarious! Nice write-up too. Enjoyed every bit. Sarcasm is truly a skill

  47. chee

    October 29, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    Marriage oh marriage……it isn’t easy handling these inlaws but for now I can’t be bothered….ur son has left feeding expenses on my shoulders and every morning u’ll storm my house looking for food to eat and faults to point out…I can’t even remember d last time I felt real love for him because in cases with d inlaws he can’t defend me…..he has so much but gives to pple and they all look at me and believe am enjoying/blocking there way….u guys ain’t seen notin yet cos am so done trying to impress u all,i’ll do d right thing dat makes me happy cos I no longer feel d butterflies in my tummy for him……if u (inlaws) like……u can have him!. sorry BN I had to vent.

  48. Akintayotimi's Future Wife (He dont know it yet)

    October 29, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    It haff do oooo. We do not want to see anymore articles, SARCASTIC OR NOT, on what women should be doing. Can we find better topics to write about? I would rather read stories of women making in work in life, their careers and marriage. True life stories we can learn from.

    • Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat MY AKINTAYOTIMI???????!!!!!!!!!!

      November 4, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      Seriously my heart skipped a beat, please O don’t kill our love that is about bloom, please!
      (He doesn’t know it yet) #crush like sugar

  49. Big mama

    October 29, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    Nice write up…….so sad society especially the African one has rewritten what God said about marriage…….husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church……….does all these burden society puts on women even give the men a chance to show love? Yes a wise woman builds her home but a man has to do his part of showing love……if men loved their wives the way Christ loves the church then it will be only a witch who will abuse that kind of love……..So tired of people expecting the wife to do all the work……that’s bullcrap…..love is a whole lot of work but men sit on their lazy butts and subject women to all kinds of standards in the name of marriage…..I have been married 10 years now and am done slaving for my husband and enduring all his cheatings, allowing family interfer and all other ego tripping men get into…..if God opens his eyes to see he has as much to do to make marriage work as I do fine if not am taking care of me henceforth…….whoever gets tired first and wants out fine……..no marriage in heaven Abeg……..

  50. Ifesinachi

    October 29, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    Nice article Kome. It’s sad we live in a society of stereotypes, but hey you lightened up the bleakness with your humour! Thanks for this

  51. Dee

    October 29, 2014 at 10:45 pm

    We may think tge issue is overflogged buy sarcasm&ehen serious writing dost give it the much needed publicity. for those asking why marriages can’t be like the ones in their parents time, I hear “they lived in a time when things were broken,they fixed them&didn’t just toss them out. for those wanting real stories just goooooooogle and have your fill . Nice write-up though. those wearing the shoes sure know where its pinching

  52. Dee

    October 29, 2014 at 10:47 pm

    Dee October 29, 2014 at 10:45 pm
    We may think the issue is overflogged but sarcasm&even serious writing doesn’t give it the much needed publicity. for those asking why marriages can’t be like the ones in their parents time, I hear “they lived in a time when things were broken,they fixed them&didn’t just toss them out. for those wanting real stories just goooooooogle and have your fill . Nice write-up though. those wearing the shoes sure know where its pinching

  53. Sappi

    October 29, 2014 at 11:54 pm

    Dear Author please DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS! after clearly pointing out that this was a satirical piece, some people will still be wondering if u were serious and be hurling personal things at you. Hian! y are u bothering to reply the trolls? humour aint for every one jare. carry go my sister!

  54. Jenn

    October 30, 2014 at 2:16 am

    Lol lol sharing on my blog

  55. cynthia obanya

    October 30, 2014 at 5:51 am

    I love dis write up……. for those of u saying all sorts…… may God help u. keep it up Kome!

  56. yinka kasumu

    October 30, 2014 at 9:39 am

    was actually wandering if the advice was for wives of the 1920s.

  57. prickly pear

    October 30, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Nice article as usual. It is a painful reality that needed the sarcasm. I really like the caveat at the end of the article.

  58. tessy ejovwo orumo

    October 30, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    i loved this article kome wrote its so inspiring i pray to be the best urhobo wife oh and cook well for my husband when i get married

  59. Tee

    October 30, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    You can join BABES Redefined group on facebook. Its a Christian group that share inspirations and counsel on life issues.

  60. PP

    October 30, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    Even though they look like they live in the salon, these babes can cook! lol dis made me laugh hard…nice piece

  61. Isioma

    October 31, 2014 at 11:07 am

    This was not an inspiring write up attt allllll. Am not even interested in reading comments which is rare for me. I thought this is ‘bella inspired’. Please my marriage is nothing like what you described in your write up and if you don’t believe it, why did you write it or do you think other people have not heard of these same horrors you explained in this your write up?
    Kome if you have noting inspiring to share, don’t bother sharing and to think this is the first article am reading today….
    What a mood spoiler.

    • Hian

      November 3, 2014 at 4:57 am

      Jesu Christi lighten up lady!

  62. Myra

    October 31, 2014 at 11:34 am

    Funny article. .loved it Komzz!!

  63. HAPHILIX

    October 31, 2014 at 11:58 am

    Nice one KOME!

  64. kome olori agulonu

    November 1, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate the feedback .

  65. batman

    November 2, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    Forget the action film that your boyfriends/fiances are acting now (to be socially acceptable based on today’s modern dating environment). When/If you guys eventually get married (if thats the intent ) the real colours will come out hence the usual disconnect between the angel you dated and the man/inlaws you are married to. YES you are also “married” to the inlaws.
    Finally @me who needs advice on how her parents’ marriage worked… Don’t you talk to your parents??? Simply ask them naaaw… and you might be shocked how many of those “sarcastic” things all being mocked here are part of the winning formular. Not necessarily because they worked but because they show the husband/inlaws that the young wife is willing to go the extra mile to please her husband. Its an attitude thing.
    And what are men “supposed” to bring to a marriage? Let me help the olodos that don’t know so they won’t settle for less.
    Unconditional love, Comfort, warmth, a listening ear, Leadership by example, companionship, romance, 6 inches or more, respect, provision, prayer, a brand new surname, some silliness , some temper, some lust, etc… etc…
    He (any spouse actually male or female) will also bring 50% (half) of the things you enjoyed when dating and 200% (twice) of the bad things that drove you mad when you were dating… so you will be half as happy and twice as sad. If after that you still think he/she is worth it. Then go ahead… True talk…

  66. babygiwa

    November 3, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    I don’t understand how some people don’t get sarcasm. I didn’t even have to read it to the end to know the writer was being sarcastic. And yes, I enjoyed it. Well done!

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