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Mya Williams: The Married Single Man

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Recently, one of my very good friends found herself in a not so great place. She had been dating this guy for about 6 months and really liked him. They virtually spent all their weekends together, and some weeknights too. They cuddled indoors, dined out, went to the movies and had a great time together. He treated her like his baby and she felt they had a good thing going. The fact that he was in his late thirties and didn’t pester her for sex daily was also very welcome. He lived alone in his flat, so whenever she visited, they had the whole place to themselves and could be totally free with each other.

For six months, my friend enjoyed a blissful relationship with this guy and whenever his name came up, you could tell she was really falling for him, in fact she had fallen for him. An incoming call from him showed his nickname accompanied by a set of red lips – this always made me smile. She would talk about how mature he was and how there were no frills or thrills; it was just the two of them enjoying each other. She believed he was possibly the one. I was very happy for her because I knew her most recent relationships had been disappointing and I wanted her to meet someone who she liked and most especially, someone who liked her for the wonderful person she was.

Towards the end of the seventh month of their relationship, he became a bit distant, unavailable if you will. He was “busy” a lot and the ease of hanging out and being able to see each other at the click of the phone faded away. It was replaced by the need for arduous scheduling and repetitive asking. She initially put it down to something being on his mind – maybe work. However, things weren’t getting better and she started to get frustrated and eventually pissed. She gave it another month, hoping that whatever happening at work, will soon quiet down and they could get back to their loving, easy lives, this wasn’t to be the case.

Eventually, one Saturday evening, after he cancelled on her at the last minute after they had planned an evening of cuddling on the sofa with movies and Chinese food, she angrily stormed over to his flat unannounced and pounded on the door, prepared to have a full on confrontation with her boyfriend. She was, however, surprised to find a woman there. The woman had been crying and they were obviously having an indepth, serious conversation. The look on his face when he opened the door was a mixture of apprehension and alarm. He eventually composed himself enough to say he couldn’t see her right now and will call her later, all the while ushering her away from the door as he spoke.

It turned out my friends’ lovely, mature, “no frills or thrills” boyfriend was married and the woman was his wife. Not only was he married but he also had two kids. He had moved into the flat temporarily because he and his wife were currently working through some issues. The flat was conveniently in a neighbourhood far from his family home. The conversation my friend interrupted was the final reconciliation conversation and the very next day he moved back into their family home. The reason he had been unavailable for the past two months, was because they were in marriage counselling.

My friend was devastated to say the least. She was not interested in a married man; she was looking to find love with a man she could marry. She was also not interested in being the other woman but had accidentally been a mistress. What infuriated her the most was that she was completely blindsided. He was the one that pursued her. He didn’t wear a ring, he lived alone, he was attentive and caring, there were no family pictures on the wall to suggest he had one, she just never stood a chance. She was also upset at the thought of people assuming she’d known he was married and was happy to go along with it. I tried valiantly to make her see that he was the deceitful one and that there was no way she could have known, it was no easy feat. Personally, I was livid on her behalf, how do you lie blatantly about something such as being married. I mean, it is bound to be revealed eventually!

Ladies, so what do we do? Do we go all “inspector gadget” on the men we are seeing, lest we get a rude awakening! Beware of the married single men, they don’t have their rings on and some of them live alone.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Atholpady

Mya Williams is a fiercely passionate and fun loving rebel/nonconformist. She loves to write in her free time. She emphatically believes that certain societal customs and norms must be challenged if one is to have a truly fulfilled and happy life.

132 Comments

  1. bee

    October 16, 2014 at 8:55 am

    hehe… story of my life. this has happened to me twice. It is very frustrating, for me i stumbled on a picture on Instagram and just kept following the chain of comments before i realized i was eating another persons cake. I just thank God because i have learned from this awful experience. Prayer is the KEY!!!.

    • Berry Dakara

      October 16, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      Girl. In Nigeria especially, I see ALL men as MARRIED UNTIL PROVEN SINGLE!!!

      I even wrote a post about it last year: berrydakara.blogspot.com/2013/01/married-until-proven-single.html

    • steel

      October 16, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      same thing all he had to say is “she is my partner”

  2. Dr.N

    October 16, 2014 at 8:59 am

    Happened to a friend. They had gone so far as doing an introduction and setting a wedding date. One day, a friend of his pulled her aside and told her he saw her as an innocent girl. He asked her if she knew her bf was married n she laughed him off. To prove his point, he drove her to the guy’s house n parked outside. She watched his wife n kids leave for sch or whatever. Heartbroken, she fled d town. It took her about 2 years to recover. Ladies, take time to investigate. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is

    • Fashionista

      October 16, 2014 at 9:59 am

      Setting wedding date ke???!!!!! Hian, I tire oh!

  3. DatEnuguChic

    October 16, 2014 at 9:03 am

    Hmmmmm. Its as if you are referring to my neighbor. Now heres the story about him. This neighbour moves into my compound to replace an old tenant who had relocated to Abuja.Landlord is a pastor and a gentleman really cos he likes doing things rightly. He takes him to all d tenants flats and introduces him with his ‘”girlfriend” (like he does with every new tenant) Cos he says its d right thing!(Landlord by d way lives in Lagos). During d introduction landlord says ds is Mr XYZ he is ur new neighbour and dis is his girlfriend and im sure they will soon get married bla bla bla. We all laughed and welcomed him. Weeks passed and we kept seeing many ladies coming and going. Fast forward to 7 months….Wife appears with a son. Everybody was shocked…..So you were married and have a son and never cared to tell us!..It was laughed off. Wife spends about a month and returned to her base. Life returned to the usual. changing ladies as he liked. Brother does not wear a ring and he lives alone!

  4. Truth Teller

    October 16, 2014 at 9:10 am

    It’s quite unfortunate what happened to your friend and I hope she finds the strength to move on and not label every man a liar like this man.
    That being said, knowing/ meeting your partner’s family members ( and even friends in some cases) can never be overemphasized inasmuch as most people would rather wait until they’re sure they’re walking down the isle with that person. If your partner hides vital information or is always reluctant about you knowing their family, please watch that person closely. In Africa, ( I’ll assume your friend is African) relationships/marriages are not just about two people, family members are involved and the best thing to do is to keep them distant ( for very private people, or if you’re at loggerheads with each other) , but know them all the same. Know your partners family, know where they actually come from, know their family beliefs,traditions e.t.c , know their culture for sure ( you don’t want to marry someone that insists you circumcise your female children if it’s something you don’t believe in). Having all that information is even like a filter process, that way you’re able to know what you can cope with and what you can’t tolerate.

    • Jane Public

      October 16, 2014 at 10:00 am

      A million likes for this comment. I am Team Investigate. My friends call me Inspectress Gadget. I even investigate for them, not to talk of for myself. You know how men I have saved them from? I can sniff them out, I have ESP for that. I am also for team let me quickly meet your family and your friends, and their friends friends too. Don’t care if it makes me look desperate. I am team ingratiate yourself with them quickly, not for them to necessarily like you, but to easily filter out information, just in case someone accidentally slips, and you find out something. Not like that helps sef, cos some families are evil. Will lead you on, knowing their son is married but because they don’t like the wife, they hope your relationship will lead to their son divorcing the woman. #truestory. Happened to a friend of mine. Investigate, and investigate. Me, I have no shame when it gets to that o. Been caught snooping a couple of times and I have nicely defended myself. I did it with Le Boo, of course he caught me and I told him to his face, yes, I am snooping, before I fall in love with you and start to rationalise like a mad woman. After the big fight, he basically handed me everything, and my unashamed self said thank you Sir and I looked. Another woman would have gone aaaaaaaaw, it means he has nothing to hide, if he let me check. Errrrrrrrr, not me. With all glee in his presence i was checking and I still do periodically, until I am done with this phase of my career with the travelling. Hopefully in a few months, I become stable, location wise. I can’t shout o. Trust no one is my mantra, many women are MARRIED to men who are also MARRIED to another woman in some other state. Also women, beware of men that live alone and the situation of the house is almost near perfect. You know the kind where he probably already has a home somewhere else and this is temporary for his adulterous runs, especially when he wants you to himself A LOT of the times. It is either your house or his. It may be nothing, but those are red flags that should make you investigate sharply. 6 MONTHS ke, tooooooooo long.

    • Thatgidigirl

      October 16, 2014 at 11:38 am

      @ Jane Public I met this guy’s friends and they all called me our wife, even his younger sister and cousins were in on it cos he was rich and had them in his pockets. To say that i was devastated is putting it lightly, he just moved to Lagos and his wife was pregnant back in PH. His friend made a pass at me at a beach party, and when i got angry he said that “James” (not his name) that you’re dying for is married and his wife is moving to lagos soon. I just went cold turkey on him and became a very mean person afterwards. Turns out that his wife moved into the house that i drove my agent in my car several times to go and inspect. Several years later, he’s trying to contact me through social media, taking about how sorry he is, aint nobody got time for that.

    • Jo!

      October 16, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      You should probably take it easy, all this indepth snooping can’t be good for your relationship

    • Ifeyinwa Chicity

      November 10, 2014 at 8:28 pm

      You are SO right!!! #teaminspectressgadget

    • Jane Public

      October 16, 2014 at 11:52 am

      Oh dear, I am so sorry for your experience. I know that some families are evil, but the good thing here was that you knew his friends and family and as I wrote previously, someone will let something accidentally slip, which his friend did, when he made a pass at you.Iif you never knew more people from him, you could have been sitting on a palm tree until madam gave birth or even after that. So, in a way, you knowing his friends, paid off in the long run. Some people are just evil.

  5. Stunner

    October 16, 2014 at 9:10 am

    Been There. This is so real. I met this guy, nice to a fault, called everyday. sent me good morning and good night messages Everyday. I was on IT then. Went to his place for the first time, nothing suspicious, just his Mom’s picture on the nightstand, we were together for 2 and a half years, he was always requesting to meet my Parents, he even came and packed my stuff from school to my family house when I graduated from school so he saw my parents, informally tho. I started work immediately after school and we were seeing often, then one day I was sick, he came and picked me to his place, intending to take me to the hospital the next day, I was in the car waiting for him to come downstairs, I saw a CV lying on the seat, I picked it up out of curiosity, Imagine my Shock when I saw Marital Status: Married, I had to reconfirm his name, email address and phone no to be sure it was his CV. I couldn’t believe it. He used to take me to his Church sometimes, he was in the Church Building Society, he was In the Christian Men’s Association. He never missed Church, infact we were supposed to go for his Church members birthday party after the hospital Trip. For more than two years I was deceived into a relationship with a married man. Apparently his family was in a different state,i didn’t bother finding out the details. He was working here but then I started to piece together all the sudden trips, he would spend most of his Vacation in Lagos, I always wondered why but he would tell me his mom and brothers were there. I never suspected anything cos we were on the phone most times. So this could happen to anybody. Men want to eat their cake and have it if you let them. I haven’t seen him since then and I told him that the only thing he could do to make it right with God was to release any other girl that was in that sort of relationship with him. Ladies when you are in a relationship snoop as much as you can, ask questions, check his facebook profiles, if it is private then there could be something wrong….look out for numbers he doesn’t answer in ur presence…know the chats he has on bbm, be attentive when he answers a call in English and switches to his native dialect in ur presence, especially when your not from the same tribe.

  6. lifeasitis

    October 16, 2014 at 9:20 am

    This happened to me as well and he is still denying being married till date! Be proud of your wife and kids! Not an easy task for some smh

  7. efe

    October 16, 2014 at 9:21 am

    A lot of Married Men do not put on the Wedding band,and Please Please and Please ladies stop sleeping with the Man/Men even if you are marrying Him tomorrow cause it is giving yourself away and can be painful and devastating when the whole thing ends,,sleeping with a man does not guarantee Marriage. In this Matter , God go Help us but we need to shine our eyes and Let God reveal the secrets of these Men to us even when they open their mouth to tell all the Lies. It is well.

    • G

      October 16, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      Efe I say Bam Bam Bam! story story… maturity has tot me a good lesson about intuition… Till to date I look at this guy with “flabbergast” in my eyes that I can’t believe this guy is truly a crocodile.. Smiling in front of you but stabbing killing you behind. If not of God… chia! please those who are virgins cherish it. Those who aren’t and feel horny tell the Lord and take no tot. don’t put urself in a compromising situation equally forgive urself of ur past. I rest my case to forgive forget and God heal me…

    • ba

      October 16, 2014 at 8:43 pm

      There is an assumption that virgins don’t feel horny?

  8. Ebunoluwa

    October 16, 2014 at 9:23 am

    The way to discover married single men is through investigation. Always ask questions from the man, his friends, relatives and neighbours. If He’s above 35 years old, investigate more. Do a background check. Don’t always believe what they say, repeat questions to identify inconsistencies.

  9. Adaeze Writes

    October 16, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Despite agreeing with the comments above, we have to agree that we can never be too careful. Some people can hide things so well that you wouldn’t even suspect. I believe that before anyone wants to commit into a relationship, he/she must pray because it’s God alone that can show you the truth.

  10. Intoxyka

    October 16, 2014 at 9:55 am

    I am surprised that we are taking this issue rather lightly. Think about it…. seven months of your life, SEVEN MONTHS!!!!
    A child born them would have started teething and possibly working. Someone employed then would have just been confirmed, a new married couple seven months in would have started having their first fight… What is my point? Time is money and seven months is just too much to forget or describe as spilled milk.

    My suggestion: Investigate the friggin brother out. Get your girl friends (thats what we have them for), stalk his twitter, facebook or instagram page, linkedin sef. Get information on the brother, let your friends speak to friends; there’s bound to be someone that can give you the information you desire. Guys cannot come and treat us like crap and we will cry and say eya… NO!!!! Kneel down and pray on the brother’s head. Let fire from on high burn the deceptive idiot out of your life.

    PS: I’m happily married but I know people that this has happened to and we cant just be chilled about it.

    • G

      October 16, 2014 at 1:37 pm

      Amen! fire of Most High God burn deceptive brother out of your life…
      Due diligence eh! isn’t an understatement in my life nowadays….
      I don’t have that time to snoop bc girlfriends have proven to me untrustworthy. But I believe God will reveal things if you ask.

  11. Ferrari

    October 16, 2014 at 10:32 am

    I dated this guy a while back who used live with his “ex” and they had a baby together, this he only told me of months after we had been dating. Almost same scenario, he lived alone and was always available until he was not, because the babe who broke up with him wanted him back now that he was seeing someone else. Fortunately i had withdrawn a little myself when i heard of the circumstances of the break up with this other girl. then she calls my phone the days he tells her about me and that was the end for me,,,when an ex girl friend of your current boyfriend calls you to tell you she is his wife even though they are not married yet, that just means she is ready for drama, and considering they have a child together she will always be in his life. it was not what i signed up for so i moved on from it although everyone else though i was crazy and foolish for giving up “just like that”

  12. Fabulicious

    October 16, 2014 at 10:56 am

    This is not the era of what you don’t know will not kill you ooooo. What you don’t know now will kill you and bury you all put together.Snoop,investigate,learn body movement,unusual actions and try and love with both head and heart and not just sit there and be sentimental with your prayers. Some men are really nice but most of them are sneaky by nature.

  13. EB_Pearls

    October 16, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Its just so sad how these men put up the deceit game. I don’t know what they gain in deceiving a gal who they obviously know is deceit, ready for marriage -not the one who wants to play. I don’t know why they always go for the gal who is ready for serious biz and not the ones who wants to play. we all should be wise as women not to fall prey to men’s deceit game

  14. Open Sesame

    October 16, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Hmmm…the heart of man is desperately wicked.

    Def good to investigate as much as we can. Don’t be shy to ask questions, there is no such thing as a stupid question. I’d rather ask and look stupid than not ask then be bitten because I was left in the dark.

    My colleague at work approached me asking if I was single as he’d like to set me up on a blind date with his brother. I was up for it & he said he’d put us in touch. A month passed and I heard nothing; meanwhile at lunch time one day he was telling my friend about his plan. I laughed and told my friend that I didn’t know if this brother of his really existed as I hadn’t been put in touch with him. He assured me he did; just out of no where I heard myself asking him – ‘Is your brother single?’

    Na there story start. Anyway he didn’t answer that day when he finally did a few days later he goes: ‘He has a girl friend but he’s breaking up with her soon’…blah blah blah.

    After the brother apparently broke up, he wanted my mobile number so he could pass it to him…before that I’d given him just Social Media details. I told him I wasn’t interested in dating someone who was probably on a rebound and was upset at him for trying to set me up with his brother when he wasn’t even single at the time.

    Till today I don’t know why I asked if he was single as it wasn’t something I had thought about before I asked him. I’m an over thinker if it had occured to me before to ask him, I’d have ‘overhtought’ the whole thing and dismissed the question as silly because he should have my best interest at heart, right?

    Now I have concluded that no question is too silly to ask. If it comes to me, I’ll ask it. If I get an inkling to check something, i’ll check it. The days when snooping was frowned on in my books are long gone…the deviousness of people is crazy these days so we must wise up & size up.

  15. iyke

    October 16, 2014 at 10:59 am

    It’s a shame that this happened to you or someone you know. As you can see, cheating on his wife with you, (no matter what the issues they were dealing with) tells you how well he deals with any situation that he doesn’t like, and how much he disrespects his wife.
    You also have your blame here. Yes, he’s got his cake and ate it, because you allowed it. How? You failed to administer the character test and focused on ‘cliche’ traits that aren’t sustainable in a relationship but sounded so valid to you. Therefore, you are an accomplice.
    Like it or not, you are a willing participant in his violating his vows and betraying the trust of his wife – not to mention grossly disappointing his children and making it difficult for them to see him as a role model.
    Ladies, ever notice how quickly the years go as you get older? Open your mind ….. Even though he’s the one who pursued you. Even though he’s the one that made it difficult for you to say “No.” And even though he tells you how wonderful you are and how he cannot live without you. At some level in the relationship, this same ‘Soul mate’ is going to have trouble respecting YOU for settling for such a flawed relationship because he knew from the onset that all he wanted was to eat his cake and have it.
    My suggestion, should you decide to think about it/accept it, ……. If ‘HONEST Marriage’ is your goal, never fail to administer the Character test that only you know. Define/ask/ discuss what you want right from the onset and don’t assume that because all is going well at the moment, means that all will end well with le beau or la belle!

    • Open Sesame

      October 16, 2014 at 11:13 am

      I disagree with you Iyke. This is no fault of hers except if she saw warning signs and ignored them which from the story looks unlikely.

      It’s important we stop blaming victims of con artists like the guy in this story. All that does is make them hide or not show the guy up for who he really is so he goes and does it to someone else.

      Can you elaborate on this character test you speak of?

      It’s in the dating process you get to know someone and only in time do you find things out. Even when you decide to sniff him out from the start, there are some things you’ll only find out with time.

      The only thing I’d say which someone already said earlier is avoid the sex…if we’re being honest this is usually the biggest regret when the relationship ends.

    • iyke

      October 16, 2014 at 12:13 pm

      It’s ok to disagree. I respect that.
      Why should sex be the biggest regret?… Is it because the relationship didn’t end up in marriage hence the regret?. Anyways, I will come to that later!
      Mind you, am not supporting the man. He clearly showed that he wasn’t courageous enough to handle his business and chose the easy way out.(dating another woman, cheating on his wife and disrespecting her/kids)
      She shares in the blame because she built up a fantasy of her ideal relationship with a wrong man and allowed him to mess up her mind for six months. Nothing wrong in making mistakes even though six months for a mature lady/man who wants to settle down is enough to set her/his priorities right and stick to them.
      He lived alone, watched movies together, walked around together, never argued, validates the relationship?
      Where was the passion in what they had? In all these moments, did they really talk? I mean, an honest and stimulating conversation that ticked her boxes? She already knew or thought she knew what she wanted ……Did she know what he wanted?
      Let me tell you something about (MEN). We are not good liars when it comes to cheating in a relationship. No matter how much we lie/manipulate relationships, we always slip and give out our honest intentions/frustrations. We always leave clues hoping that you would figure it out and walk. She had the power to run that relationship but because of ‘FEAR’ and need for validation, she transferred her power to him. Hence the reason he fed on her fears, and for 6 months led her on, on a while goose chase….eating the Vanilla cake anyhow!
      When you begin to challenge and call men out on their shenanigans, trust me, you wouldn’t find yourself in a situation where you can’t convince yourself on exactly the direction your relationship is taking, after 6 months.
      Anyways, she is single now, she should embrace it, work on herself – understand that not everyone is meant to last in her life. People come and go to teach us a lesson and prepare us for that last relationship we will ever have. Am sure that one day, God willing, she’s going to wake up ,roll over on her side and kiss the love of her life, ‘Good Morning’.

    • iyke

      October 16, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      It’s perfectly ok to disagree. I respect that.
      Why should sex be the biggest regret?… Is it because the relationship didn’t end up in marriage hence the regret?. Anyways, that’s a story for another day!
      Mind you, am not supporting the man. He clearly showed that he wasn’t courageous enough to handle his business and chose the easy way out.(dating another woman, cheating on his wife and disrespecting her/kids)
      She shares in the blame because she built up a fantasy of her ideal relationship with a wrong man and allowed him to mess up her mind for six months. Nothing wrong in making mistakes even though six months for a mature lady/man who wants to settle down is enough to set her/his priorities right and stick to them.
      He lived alone, watched movies together, walked around together, never argued, validates the relationship?
      Where was the passion in what they had? In all these moments, did they really talk? I mean, an honest and stimulating conversation that ticked her boxes? She already knew or thought she knew what she wanted ……Did she know what he wanted?
      Let me tell you something about (MEN). We are not good liars when it comes to cheating in a relationship. No matter how much we lie/manipulate relationships, we always slip and give out our honest intentions/frustrations. We always leave clues hoping that you would figure it out and walk. She had the power to run that relationship but because of ‘FEAR’ and need for validation, she transferred her power to him. Hence the reason he fed on her fears, and for 6 months led her on, on a while goose chase….eating the Vanilla cake anyhow!
      When you begin to challenge and call men out on their shenanigans, trust me, you wouldn’t find yourself in a situation where you can’t convince yourself on exactly the direction your relationship is taking, after 6 months.
      Anyways, she is single now, she should embrace it, work on herself – understand that not everyone is meant to last in her life. People come and go to teach us a lesson and prepare us for that last relationship we will ever have. Am sure that one day, God willing, she’s going to wake up ,roll over on her side and kiss the love of her life, ‘Good Morning’.

    • Open Sesame

      October 16, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      @Iyke, I agree with many things you’ve said esp that most men are not good at lying but there are some that have perfected the act and from what we can see sometimes even their friends and family join in to deceive the girl.

      Re my comment about sex, I didn’t say that cos the r/ship didn’t end in marriage. The ideal will be not to do it at all but we both know not everyone holds to that ideal.. Studies show that relationships where sex is involved are many times the hardest to break/get over. It’s bad enough you’ve been conned, wasted your time, maybe money etc and then to think you gave him a part of yourself as well in sex…that has got to hurt EXTRA!

      This I like A LOT: People come and go to teach us a lesson and prepare us for that last relationship we will ever have.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 16, 2014 at 2:00 pm

      @Iyke, as my dratted curiousity won’t allow me just click and move on, I have to ask – what the heck is a “Vanilla Cake”??

      Although, maybe I don’t want to know the answer either…

    • G

      October 19, 2014 at 1:02 am

      sex also involves soul ties

    • Africhic

      October 16, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      This is not a fair comment. This happened to me recently with an old friend i had reconnected me. I asked him straight if he was married he assured me he was not. Thank God i kept investigating on my own. I eventually found out he was married. Some men are just evil. This was someone i had known for like 15 years and he did that to me.

    • Trina

      October 16, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      Of course it’s not a fair comment.

      But you should know that if Iyke doesn’t find some twisted way to blame the woman, then we have to know someone has stolen his BN identity.

    • G

      October 16, 2014 at 1:43 pm

      true… maturity has tot me to take responsibility for what I did overlook. Like rushing due to either loneliness or fear.. Not listening to intuition or being patient, taking the character test… God help us… u attract what you have…

    • Chu

      October 16, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      I believe that there are also signs for a woman to know when her man is cheating but she turns a blind eye to it cos of ‘love’. Sex in the relationship also helps to further cloud her eyes. Try a relationship without sex and see that it is much more easier to see clearly.

    • B!

      October 30, 2014 at 2:50 am

      Iyke, I wasn’t going to reply to your comment originally but I have to . All your comment tells me is that you are a very callous person. You read what happened and you said that she built up a fantasy? Have you forgotten what its like in the beginning when dating someone ? Or have you ever even known? And this is why you say she shares the blame. Your comment is uniquely hard-hearted. Why is it that you managed to find a way to blame someone who was a clear victim of deception? So you have never been deceived before? Do you take the blame in all those circumstances of yours?
      It says a lot when you can blame a victim by saying “Men are not good liars.” At least you admitted that men lie a lot . Now let me explain something to you. Women are not good mind readers either! You cant lie to someone and blame them for believing the lie on the basis that you’re not a good liar. If he wasn’t that good of a liar, she wouldn’t have believed him, would she? Your argument is shallow at best and it makes literally NO SENSE. The point of a lie is that it’s supposed to be believed! Men are not good liars, indeed!
      You know that men as a gender have a REALLY bad reputation when you have to resort to making other people into mind-readers and crime drama investigators so that they won’t fall prey to the antics of these men who are SUPPOSEDLY *not good liars*. You say she should have conversed with him , tried to find out what his plans were, and all that. So even if she did all that, would he have told her? If women have to resort to checking phones, spying on facebook and all sorts of social media , what does that say about the men of today? It says that a lot of men are spineless beasts who would rather destroy lives and blame everyone else.
      By that comment you’ve made a lot of women hyper sensitive because it means that a women can never not be at fault. If her boyfriend deceives her, its because she didn’t check hard enough, spy hard enough, distrust hard enough. And if he leaves her because shes always wary of him even then , its still her fault, Because she has trust issues. Now I wonder why that is…

  16. otutom

    October 16, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Men are full of tricks.it happened to me but on a different level. I had a relationship with a guy but he was always postponing my meeting his people. I was really bothered but did not know what to do but at a time,he started making me believe he travels for business trips and I believed all that.
    women always pray before you start any relationship or even while in it for God’s direction. I really had to pray had because I was always having bad dreams. He usually lies about travelling to different states but before that weekend I had prayered that God should help me in the relationship. I fasted and prayered and that Friday I decided to pay him a surprised visit.i met the shock of my life, immediately he saw me,i put off the light and low and behold,he was with his wife.
    Ladies beware, so many married single men looking for whom to destroy.Always pay them surprise visits and do not date a guy for so long without any seriousness from him.
    Above all, prayer is the key.i am happily married because I seeked His face before saying I do.
    Thank you.

    • Colour Purple

      October 16, 2014 at 11:51 am

      Ahh! My sister there is nothing like prayer o! Some years back I simply told God “if this relationship is not for me, destroy it” my sister what my eyes saw within a week I was wondering whether I was blind before, the type of man I was dating could kill somebody o! The tori too long but you see I finally met the man that would become my husband within 2 weeks of ending that relationship and I can testify that he restored all the years that the canker worms had eaten. Alleluia!!!!!!

    • John

      October 16, 2014 at 2:31 pm

      Thank God for you. Prayer does go along way. Power in prayers, who isn’t for you isn’t for you!

    • Ada Nnewi

      October 16, 2014 at 6:09 pm

      Halleluyah Sisrer!!!!!

  17. Ayana

    October 16, 2014 at 11:11 am

    Been down this road before…. even though it was a long time ago….it still hurts.

    • Femme de l'Avenir

      October 16, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      Don’t let it hurt you, love. Easy to say but u need to take the high road and move on. Never blame yourself for the actions of a cheat. IMO, pple lie, cheat and deceive based on their own shortcomings bcos I believe there’s always an honourable way to approach things even when you think the other party is contributing factor to yr woes; open communication and honesty are but a few, cheating is never the option. Lord knows many pple will rather be ‘beech-azz neegas’ than do the honourable thing, they end up making excuses for their lying cheating selves. See yourself as a prize and let past events & that cheating liar hurt you no more.

      Love always.

  18. scandal

    October 16, 2014 at 11:34 am

    I always advice wives to snoop so they can save some poor lady’s heart.
    I found out about my boyfriend’s family after a year and half because i snooped even though he was extra careful and i had no reason to suspect. we had marriage talks, i knew his family and friends and was even the unofficial iyawo but I just knew things didnt add up when he was always sending money to his ‘cousin.’ His friend once made a statement congratulating him on the birth of his baby. i asked him and he lied saying it was his sibling’s baby (indeed his sister just had a baby) and that the friend was mistaken. we lived in different towns but he was either at my place for the weekend or i was at he’s. i stumbled on a text from the wife asking him for money to buy some baby things when he left the phone on the table. i put 2 and 2 together, copied the number and later called her to find out if really she was his wife. She said yes and gave me details. it so happened that she was a student in another state and gave birth a month ago. by my calculation, he was with me when she had the baby.. I cried and was very angry with her for being careless with her husband. How will you be married to a man and no picture, ring, nothing in the house to show your presence, he doent see you at weekends and you are ok with it?
    She was begging and apologizing cos she felt my pain after i told her how far i had gone with him. I later called his family and friends and gave each and everyone of them a piece of my mind while wished them the same deception. Obviously, he begged them not to tell me because he didnt want to lose me. As for the guy, I treated his f**KUP of cos. Claiming he loved me and didnt want to lose me. (nonsense GOAT).
    Women, please lets rally round and help each other abeg. you and your husband are one. let others see you in him. If you still want the marriage, make an effort if not, leave and let others enjoy in peace. Its amazing that the married ones actually make the best lovers though.
    NB: of cos i blame the men and hate whet they do but my argument is from the wife perspective.

    • Jane Public

      October 16, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Sorry dear. One of the major red flags right there. “he was either at mine or i was at his”. These men are quite crafty. One and a half years. Chooooi. The wife was begging you and apologizing, fooooooooor. Some stories are stranger than fiction. I swear

    • MT

      October 16, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      Yeah I was lost after the “she was crying and begging me” [#yimu]. Sounds like an exaggeration.

  19. Won ti get e

    October 16, 2014 at 11:38 am

    When the young single guys come around, you say
    he doesn’t have a car,
    he doesn’t have a house,
    he doesn’t dress well,
    he doesn’t change his clothes,
    he doesn’t spend on you,
    he doesn’t take you out,
    he doesn’t spend on you,
    he is a loser,
    he is a broke ass nigga,
    he is below your standard,
    he doesn’t have anything
    he is too small for you

    Then the Married single Men come around,
    who have gotten all the things you seem to need
    matured in age and experience
    know how to make you fall
    know the tricks – in and out……

    You fall for them!

    Till y’all start getting it right, you may continue falling prey.

    Wherever you see insects or ants, there is something attracting them there
    Whever you see bees, there is something pulling them towards that place.

    Anyways, won ti get e!
    🙂

    On a more serious note, since y’all seems to like married men, just enjoy it till it lasts!
    Dont come cry foul here

    All the single guys chasing you all around Lagos and Abuja with skype, bbm, whatsapp, kik, instagram, twitter, facebook and all means possible, you are dissing them.

    Deal with it!

    • Jane Public

      October 16, 2014 at 11:58 am

      Ehya, i feel sad for you. All the single guys that have been chasing you dont have interesting financial prospects, that is why your view of the world is that only have married men have things to entice women, or are you a man with no financial prospects yourself and have been losing women to the married rich ones with “things”, because the special brand of BS you are spewing is ludicrous. There are single very wealthy men, and their are married very poor ones, so money doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with it, or do you think it is money that makes men cheat? Poor single men cheat too, I hope you know that mama Basira’s husband also has a side chick in the market where he sells meat.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 16, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Hahahahahahahaaa!!! Dead @Mama Basira’s husband “cutting show” with his side piece in the market where he sells meat. You ain’t never lied, luv, those Papa Basira’s scandals are legend.

      🙂

    • Cynthia Blakes

      October 16, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      You’re a frustrated meanie. You’re obviously poor both financially and morally. You think this kind of deception is only experienced with rich well to do men? I fell a victim to some guy who I was practically feeding and housing only to find out he has a family in Port harcourt. He used me in all the possible ways imaginable. I was even speaking with his mum on the phone o. She was in on the scam. If you have issues getting serious minded women to date you I won’t be surprised because from your comment you’re a mean spirited person who blames his obvious shortcomings on the lack of material possessions. Having said all this kindly go to the other blog where your type run their mouths and stay off Bellanaija where normal people come to rub minds.

    • won ti get e

      October 16, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      Cynthia, won ti get e!
      🙂

    • won ti get e

      October 16, 2014 at 12:19 pm

      Makes no sense to me

      You see a man in his mid 30s
      Working class
      Matured
      Good looking
      Got a car
      got a house (not just any house, well furnished)
      living large….

      And you never asked yourself where is this man coming from?
      Why is he single?
      How can a man have all these with a good xter and still be single?
      He has never met any lady in his life?
      No other lady wants something good like this?

      When you see something so good to be true, then there is something else there
      You fall for it and you come here shouting! You fall because of what they possess. Read in between the lines of all comments, he works with chevron, has a duplex…..
      Na wetin man love dey kill am!

      Ladies love married men, simple as ABC!

      Either you build your life with that young chap, you date the married man till yours come or you stay single and enjoy your life!

      Won ti get e!

    • Jane Public

      October 16, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      I still insist that your view of the world is because of poverty. You don’t know any single successful man in his 30’s. I know plenty. Men at the top of their game that are single in their 30’s and have all you just listed. So, if the men you know are losers who haven’t gotten their act together by their 30’s or you are one yourself, then maybe I should invite you to my firm’s Christmas party, bring your CV when you are coming will you? Nothing wrong with a woman wanting to be with a successful man, as long as she is successful and ambitious in her own right and is bringing something to the table. Yes, some women date and marry for money, but the man they are dating/marrying, is he complaining? Marry for love, or for money, trust me, no one is losing in those relationship. The man who knows he is dating a gold digger, is not stupid, there is something he is getting out of it. So, a single man should be the only poor one living in a face me by face you with Ekate and Sikira. Or you didn’t read my comment about Mama Basira’s husband with his side chick in the market. Those Move back to Nigeria stories with successful single men in their 30’s, you’ve never read their stories, or how did you get access to the internet. My sisters husband is a Hedge Fund Manager on Wall Street. Yup, he was single, 33, living on the upper east side in a swanky apartment in Manhattan when they met. He was “made”. So, left to you, a double Masters, well educated gorgeous woman working for one of the biggest law firms in the world should have picked some poor loser and build a life with him. There are many single men in Chevron, my friend married hers when he was 33 and he already had a home in Lekki Gardens. Go Figure. Poverty truly is a disease of the mind and not the wallet.

    • won ti get e

      October 16, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      Jane public, i have three things to say to you
      1. About poverty stuffs you saying, I refuse to brag. If i tell you, you would know you haven’t started life at all!
      2. “Yes, some women date and marry for money,” Now you are talking reality
      3. Won ti get e!

      🙂
      Am having fun while you rant and get all worked up

    • Sunita

      October 16, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      @Jane Public free this guy abeg, from his grammar you can tell you’re dealing with a low life who’s operating within the fringes of society due to his warped sense of thinking. Basically he’s not really exposed. Funny dude knows nobody who’s 30, successful, has cars and a decent job and very very single. It tells a lot about his character. In dear stand his pain and feelings of rejection by women he tried to ‘toast’ or women who left him. Dude reeks of low self esteem. Let’s carry on our discussion and ignore him

    • D

      October 16, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      My brother is in his mid-30s has a car, a house that is well furnished, lives by himself and infact we all live in different states. A very good job and very good with investments and never has been married. Very much single and not in a hurry to get married. So single that my parents have started prayer session on him and have had “intervention” calls and meetings on him. But I totally agree with him, he has ideals and he is not willing to settle for anything less in a life partner. And if going by your description he should be married with 25 children running around. Infact, I know some of his friends that are in the same position. They know what they want and are not ready to settle for less. Infact, I anticipate another “intervention” meeting this Christmas period. It is no better than saying a lady in a mid or late 20s who has a good job, a well furnished house/apartment and a car is a runs girl. Totally not true!!!

    • G

      October 19, 2014 at 1:08 am

      true to do ur ABC…but most men want to achieve their dreams then settle….

    • Jane Public

      October 16, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      @Ms SA, it is true now. Papa Basira is a legendary cassanova, women even fight over him in the market sef and he doesn’t have shishi. I don’t know how anyone reasons and think the poor single man is faithful one. The poor single faithful one that you “build a life with”, will become married and cheat on you one day. So, starting off with a poor man is no guarantee of fidelity. Poverty never equals fidelity. Only bitter broke losers think like that. You keep losing women to rich married men, how about you go work hard and earn your money and not blame the girls for dumping a sinking ship. Hehehehehe

    • Jane Public

      October 16, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      and he comes back saying he is rich. Tell that to the dogs would you? Because if you are, you would move in circles where you see single accomplished men, so phlease, some consoling yourself online. Never happened to me before, thankfully, so sorry about the “won ti get e” bit, not applicable to me. Hope you feel better now. Men also date and marry for money, or you think gold digging is only reserved for women. I insist, your view of the world smacks of ignorance AND poverty

    • Maudlyn

      October 16, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      @wontiget e
      The way you view and treat women is the same way your daughters will be treated and they will cry to you and you won’t be able to do anything about it. You will remember all the things you said on this day hopefully Bella Naija will still be around and if this post is still open you can come back and take back every mean stuff you ever posted. That’s my honest prayer for you.

    • won ti get e

      October 16, 2014 at 2:07 pm

      Maudlyn,
      back to sender

      won ti get e!
      🙂

    • G

      October 16, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      till to date… i know how much each guy spent on me…. I never after money…. one of my blessings is knowing the Lord and the love my own Father her on earth bestowed and showed on me. I also know where we come from.. our roots. we didn’t become rich overnight… Life.
      I look and I cry my pain…. bottom line it’s discernment that has to be used. I am currently single,.
      I have learned if a guy loves you rich or poor he will treat you with respect , no lies and honor.

  20. beauty

    October 16, 2014 at 11:47 am

    Please, I would really want to know why some MARRIED men don’t put on their WEDDING RINGS! Please someone answer me,please… Because for starters, in this story, if he wore a ring we would not be reading this version of this story.

  21. Cheryl

    October 16, 2014 at 11:50 am

    Been there done that! if u guys hear my tale u would cry for me. men are wicked sincerely! my story goes thus! i was this naive young girl in 200level met this guy we were friends for close to 2years,he worked with chevron,i did background checks via his facebook didn’t see anything suspicious , i was in 400level so one of those holidays i decided to go to his house in lekki before i go back to school, i packed my things told my dear parents i was going back to school,poor parents of mine thought their baby was a saint.Got to his house and i was to spend 4days,he lived in a duplex all alone! he had started asking me ,when we would go see my parents ,i had to tell him to wait till i graduated.First thing that greeted me was a goat in the compound, i asked him who owned the goat,he said twas his uncle that gave it to him,that he kept the goat,to come see my parents with it,i laughed at the whole story.Later that day i opened his freezer and saw a big cake,he told me the cake had been in his fridge for close to 2years,that it was his sisters wedding cake,she travelled after her wedding, she willed the cake to him! we still laughed,that day i discovered this guy smokes weed ,infact he forced me to have some puffs and forced me to drink alomo bitters,that night i was high,he fu**ed me like there was no tomorrow we went more than 20 rounds! I woke up next morning he had gone to work ,he dropped a note telling me how wonderful i was and how he couldn’t wait to be back.I went round the house something didn’t just feel right,i entered the rooms and brought out a certain box,lo and behold i saw his wedding pictures! he hid them i cried my eyes off and waited for him to be back,i showed him the pictures and he actually confessed that he was married and his wife was in the US she had gone to have her baby! i was devastated! I definitely learnt my lessons the hard way i must say and his action pushed me into doing some despicable things.But i am glad im drawn back to the cross and have stayed off sex since this year began,i have also re dedicated my life to Christ.

    • iyke

      October 16, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      if this is not fiction, then you are a joke lol… So this is a testimony abi? Praise the Lord that sister Nkeiru Onuegbu has not had sex since this year began and had also dedicated her life to Christ.

    • Que

      October 16, 2014 at 6:52 pm

      LMAOOOO at your opening line Iyke…. o myyy, I’ve been laughing out loud since she mentioned the goat!!!

      Girlie Oooo…..bet why didnt you do research b4 gerring high??…. He was forcing you to smoke and you stayed on…… I’m sorry I cant stop laughing…. Maybe its the damn goat!!!

    • mrs chidukane

      October 16, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      LMAO! Big cake in the fridge!

    • pipi

      October 16, 2014 at 1:39 pm

      20 rounds kini!! this comment made me laugh like a maniac in my office….. sorry oh 20! but students sha taking such huge risk leaving school to go see man, what is something happened to you on ur way back.. asin ehn u wud never forgive urself. please students reading this concentrate on your studies. As for the topic red flags is always something that will show up… but u wud talk urself into thinking you are just imagining things. the key is paying attention to detail, not even snopping. When u pat attention to ur partner u would notice

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 16, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      *Deep sigh*. I’m so tempted right now to do a “To Young Women Everywhere – Things That Men Say which You Really Shouldn’t give a Sh*t About” post… except my thoughts (and French) may be too much for BN to post it… suffice to say the following:-

      #4 – “I want to marry you” (a.k.a when are we going to see your parents?) – that’s a real panty-dropper right there…

      #6 – “Don’t listen to what your friends are telling you about me, they’re just jealous of us” – ahahahahahahahahahaHAAAHAAAHAAA!!!! Oh, the laughs I could have for days with this one.

      #10 – “It’s not really sex if there’s no penetration” – swerve, honey. Swerve from that deceitful negro NOW.

      And my list could go on. Not because I’m insinuating his BS is your fault but because we need to start protecting ourselves as women.

    • Berry Dakara

      October 16, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      #1 – I love you (Roiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight)

      #3 – You’re the only one for me/I only have eyes for you/You’re my wifey (LIAR, you ain’t put a ring on it yet. Beware of men and any friends of his that call you wifey when you’re not married).

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 16, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      #2 – I’m a born again Christian who is serious about God – ride on, brother. Ride on and hold tightly to The Lord so that we can all meet in Heaven one day…

      #5 – We need to give my parents/siblings/family time to get used to us being together – Na so dem go take that time dey plan wedding for their son/brother, whilst you siddon for waiting room.

    • ChySpArKz

      October 17, 2014 at 6:14 pm

      Nne you need to write that post.. Biko let them be up to 20 oo.., lol BN will understand all the French(es)

    • D

      October 16, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      Do you not read what you just typed??? not one to judge people but I struggle with this your “testimony” has Iyke put it. First you said the dude forced you, an adult to smoke weed…How did he force you to smoke weed??? Did he grab your mouth in an iron clad hold and stick the stick in it??? As for the 20 rounds (Wow TMI!!!). It is stories like yours that allow men like won ti e get e ” or whatever he calls himself make comments like the one he did. I can’t get over that sentence about him forcing you to smoke weed. My brain just seemto freeze at the point. You were a 400 level student, so an adult and you willingly smoked weed because you probably wanted this guy to accept you. That just shows something ain’t right. I hope for your own sake you learned from that experience but the fact that you in your relating the story you do not seem to accept responsibility for your action and just attempting to play victim says a lot.

    • slice

      October 16, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      D this ya brother is he in the STates or Naija? cause i have good friends in both places that can take him to the altar. and a good caring girl like u that thought about helping the DV lady must have a good brother too

    • nikky

      October 17, 2014 at 11:10 am

      D, i’m a good reasonably successful , gainfully employed girl, and my parents are gonna have a session (hopefully not) with me this december too… hook a sister up with this brother of yours naa *winkzz* be ya sistaz keeper biko.. God bless u as u do so… i’m tiyad of all the “you’ll soon be too successful for a single guy” talk

    • won ti get e

      October 16, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      20 rounds?
      this is unbelievable!
      Even a pros who smokes all kinds of weed and drink can never do 20 rounds overnight.
      He f-d you or you people did together?

      Anyways, won ti get e

    • G

      October 16, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      God really heal our hearts.. the thing some of us women go through eh.. It’s the Grace of God that heals us… the bitter thing is that they will do these things and go and discuss it with their friends…

  22. anonymous

    October 16, 2014 at 11:53 am

    @ Ferrari… i just dated this guy,tooo fantastic a relationship and then he just chilled 2 weeks ago…he used to live with his ex who had a baby and i know he dated someone for a couple months just before he met me….he lives alone,always available….but i can’t shout much so didn’t even bother to find closure,you want to stay away then i will help you pack your bag biko

  23. Cosmic

    October 16, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Meeting his family isn’t a 100% guarantee. There are married men that go as far as introducing you to their pastors/imam all in the name of getting a girl laid. And the family/pastor/imam will welcome u wholeheartedly.
    We have a lot of bitter MIl who wants another woman to feel hurt cus they v been hurt in the past (Awon Iya oko bournvita) lol
    Even if u snoop, ask friends or investigate, if a man dosen’t want you to know, you will never know.

    • Ms Geeky 30

      October 16, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      hahaha. ‘Awon iya oko bournvita’. Funny as heck!

    • Femme de l'Avenir

      October 16, 2014 at 1:43 pm

      I agree with you. Follow your own lane, in that if you want to snoop, then snoop. You may find what your looking for but trust me you wont hurt any less than if you didn’t.

      IMO, God being God ehn, whether u look or u no look when the time is right all lies and deception will be revealed to you in time. The question is, hw will u handle it? Will u let the ‘nicca’ continue hurt u or will u move the ‘fog’ on?

    • G

      October 16, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      i am very suspicious this is for juju oh.. not too much Nigerian movies… for wealth..

  24. Truth Teller

    October 16, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    @won it get e I’m sorry but what kind of man are you? What gives you the right to think that all women are about is successful men that drive posh cars, wear designer clothes, spend stupendously on their girlfriends, and live in fancy houses? What gives you the right to even think all women tow that line of thought? It’s very belittling to generalize and gloat at such a comment. So many women are empowering themselves in all aspects you can think of. I know women who can cook like trained chefs, are very neat, extremely smart, successful in their careers,domesticated, homely and all, so please, limit your general assumptions to people you know, there are some of us there that are making a significant difference and it’s unfair to categorize us with those that aren’t.

    • won ti get e

      October 16, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      @Truth teller,

      The real truth is very bitter!
      You prefer the one that will come and sweet talk you.
      Those who are guilty of these know what i am saying
      Let the guilty ones come after me

      have they gotten you too?
      🙂
      Won ti get e

    • Truth Teller

      October 16, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      Wow! Where did you know me from that you even know my spirit soul and body to the extent of knowing that I ‘prefer the one that will sweet talk me’….news flash, you’re so wrong! I choose not to exchange words with you so have yourself a fabulous day, I’m out.

    • Trina

      October 16, 2014 at 2:14 pm

      Gosh! You’re becoming such a bore.

      At first you were making a bit of sense, because I have to admit majority of chics are materialistic to a fault, but the more comments you leave, the more obvious it becomes that you need therapy from something that hapened to you.

  25. TouChe

    October 16, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    almost fell for this kinda shii
    thank God for my self acclaimed investigator status
    the man being friendly and all
    always taking calls from a particular number saying it was his SERIOUS gf
    got d jerk immediately and told him i had a SERIOUS bobo too
    he said we could have a THING who knows what would happen that we could marry
    i just did not say anything
    as time went on i met some of his friends
    1 now told me have you met his wife
    wasnt shocked at all
    kept my cool acted like i knew
    then i gave him 1000 miles

  26. o

    October 16, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Ladies, it is not too difficult to trace a married man living single. If a man is matured (above 30), fully furnished apartment, CASE IN POINT – FULLY FURNISHED KITCHEN!!and maintains that he is single or seeing only you, start asking serious questions about his past relationships. Don’t relent, ask the same questions as much as you can. He will slip. As Iyke said, men haven’t learnt to perfect the act of lying. The only exception is when he loves to cook and cooks his meals most times,,… now that will explain the fully kitted kitchen. And as someone commented, if he has a seemingly perfect character, and above 30, accomplished, the question you should be asking is what went wrong? why haven’t you been hitched? And don’t believe the classic ” there is something special about you line'”. The only thing special is that he wants to hit it for the sake of variety!! sikena!!!

  27. Ephi

    October 16, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    Mr “Won ti get e”, try and be a bit sensitive nau. Haba.

    Girls, I know it ain’t easy and it may sound old-fashioned but we should keep it closed until “I do”. I think all these experiences would have been less painful had it not involved sex.
    If you spend money and time on a relationship and it doesn’t work out, you can always console yourself that it is just money or time, but to have slept with a guy and later find out he double-dealt you makes it even more painful.
    Secondly, a guy would likely show his true colors quicker when he’s not getting what he wants from you (i.e. sex).

    • Ephi

      October 16, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      Forgot to add, and you would also work out of that relationship with your dignity intact.

    • slice

      October 16, 2014 at 10:37 pm

      i have to agree for this reason. Most guys who are two timing are with the second one for sex. if there’s no sex forthcoming until marriage or much later, they move on. it doesn’t offer full protection, but i can’t but agree that it helps

  28. Oluwabusola Adedire

    October 16, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    I pray healing for everyone who has encountered any kind of deception. Only God knows what any man is capable of doing. Do not wait till people start asking you out.. Pray fervently for God’s leading, fast if you can. These matters are serious and you cannot afford to be careless with whoever you date. Although, these terrible people can teach you something valuable about life but they can equally rob you of joy with the right person. Pray like your life depends on it, build a relationship with God. Pray God’s will over your life, not a current boyfriend or girlfriend’s name. Anybody can be good for today, but are they good for the next 10, 20, 30, 50 years?

  29. Oluwabusola Adedire

    October 16, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    I showed my brother this article and we had a discussion about it.. he said SEX is the root of all these wahala. I know that abstinence is not very popular today but I am equally of the opinion that God is not stupid. Abstaining from sex will save you from a whole load of drama. To be honest, a man does you no favor by being with you… if he really wants you SEX is not a dealbreaker.

  30. JENNIETOBBIE

    October 16, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    As a woman, you have been created to be hyper-sensitive. Trust your instincts. ALWAYS and it’s good to ask questions (esp when you already know the answers, but you are not sure because you are in love/he is a nice guy/it’s impossible for his to do it/he is a pastor/he is Jesus’s first brother/I know his family). Please, don’t be that naive. Be fearless and YES ladies, you gotta activate those FBI genes. “Search and thee shall find” was erroneously misplaced in the Bible, but I am here to remind you, sister. There is no shame in my game, darling. O di oke nka. Pay attention, pay attention and pay attention!!!! The answers will come to you. Keep a journal (this is one of my favs). Don’t underestimate your subconscious mind and remember, when God is FOR you===> the devil can’t outsmart you. Mbanu, odiro possible.

  31. Ngozi

    October 16, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    I am currently in a similar situation; he’s not married but has someone his whole family knows. On Tuesday, it was complicated further by him telling me (after 8 months together) that he thought his feelings for me would be stronger but they are not and he’s just attracted to me. Let’s end our relationship, his reply was No. This is a guy that went all out when he was first asking me out o. Me, I have decided to quietly bow out and try to get over him with or without his agreement.

    • Berry Dakara

      October 16, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      He’s a JOKER! He can have fun in his one-sided relationship. Pack your bags and fleeeeeeee!

    • papermoon

      October 17, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      JUST ATTRACTED TO YOU, meaning????? If you dont get out of there, he will be eating his ATTRACTION CAKE and be having his LOVE cake else where. Put your gear on a fifth, pull a michael schumacher out of that *thing* (whatever it is) and come back here and give me a situational report.

  32. Liddieberry

    October 16, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    This is so funny, i had a similar experience, buh my determination not to date anybody when i was in school saved my innocent ass. This guy was so caring, i actuallly saw him as a friend tho. Met him in church, i was in choir so i do sing very very well and everybody knew me back then. This EGBERE was on my case like dr was no tomorow, i was just laughing cuz i knew i wasnt gonna date him, besides he was short and i do not like short men. When i told my male friend about him he just said, this guy looks married(I GUESS GOD SPOKE THROUGH HIM) Well i laughed and i said it isn’t possible now that he is a young guy…. Lo and behold, he came for thanksgiving with is wife and 3 children and i was the one leading praises, he couldn’t look into my eyes when he was dancing forward(I GUESS THE WIFE FORCED HIM TO SHARE TESTIMONY OR SOMETHING) omooo, na so i sing oo, wey people dance like crazy, i just hinted my friend and told him SEE MR BACHELOR… After d service, Mr Man was trying to act nice, i just told him MR MAN, REDEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO GOD…. i laughed and gisted close pals

    Lesson Learnt: ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION AND NEVER BE IN A RUSH… My mind was never at piece with him when he was pursuing me kakiri…. MEN ARE INTERESTING CREATURES, i loove it wen they show dr true colour, it makes me laugh like craaa

  33. Anna

    October 16, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    After reading ALLLL of these comments.. all I can say is I’m SCARED!!! WHAT is all this.. I pray I never encounter such, My heart goes to the lady in the story. I genuinely pray that God heals her. Although it was only months that level of deception must be painful, and will cause you to second guess another man, even if his intentions are good.. It has even caused me to second guess mankind if i’m honest . I’m sad that instead of trusting and loving women feel they have to vet their partners like their running for the presidency, but after reading these comments, I blame no one. I’m a single girl, but any man that comes into my life will be put forward in prayer before I even consider seriously dating them.. as well as the questions again and again. One thing I know though is that a man that wants to lie will never stop because he has been found out. So ladies, pray and be WILLING TO WALK AWAY.. when your gut tells you to.

  34. Samantha

    October 16, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    all this while i thought i was alone
    but i did learn
    i met Mr #idunnowhrtoplaceu in Uyo,works in shell,owns 2hotels(1 in ikot abasi and the other in uyo)
    I knew him in my 300level(2011)and in finals(2012)he was already nagging bout meeting my parents.
    We had agreed to work my posting to uyo or portharcourt
    He was all that was described in this story and more
    He never hesitated to use my picture as his display pic
    We’ld go for functions together,both family and others
    Then something happened in june 2012,He had an accident on his way to ph from uyo
    He wasnt alone in the car,his mom and two brothers
    I had to leave school to help them out in ph since they were admitted there
    They were there for almost two weeks.I ran most of the errands,made necessary calls,i owned his atm and phone for 2weeks
    You can imagine the shock I had when i recieved a text “I’m in labour and as usual nobody is here for me”
    I confronted my darling boyfriend and he started his story
    that he loves me and its not what i think..he even begged me to visit this lady in calabar..that the babys safety and hers was important to him
    I didnt cry..I went to calabar
    gave her money,told her of the accident(she wasn’t aware),snapped his baby girl for him to see,even stayed overnight with her.
    she told me they weren’t married,just 2 kids together
    one was 4years(@least b4 i met him) and the other she just birthed
    she said i had pretty eyes and my smile was beautiful..I wondered if she knew who I was cos she never asked.
    On getting back to ph,I ended that relationship(in my mind)
    when he recovered,he begged heaven and stars.I had planned my whole life with him..devasted is too light compared to how I felt.
    We continued our relationship but this time I wasnt putting in much.
    When I completed my project,I moved back to Lagos.
    And i haven’t for once looked back
    I dunno where to place his own because he and his baby mama even have a mutual understanding(no marriage 4 u)…she’s not vexed that I exist so long as her needs are met
    I called his family out but that experience opened my eyes,the family’s alliegiance is to their own(him) and not you..

    • mae

      October 16, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      wow…..

  35. Arin

    October 16, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    It’s about time! Someone talked about this. It is alarming and I repeat Alarming the extent some men will go now adays. And this is happening more often than we know. This has happened to me twice!! I am glad I didnt get too attached too soon, after 1 month I sensed that something wasn’t just right and went on my own investigation, only to find out that he was married!. Some of them leave their wife and children abroad, come here and he is mister single. These married men should know that some girls like them married, why lie to another girl, give her false hope and break her. These are some pointers that dude you are dating is married. 1- he doesn’t have a facebook account, and gives you silly reasons why. 2, his house is always too bust to visit, his mum is visiting,his brother is sick and staying with him blablabla, 3. He disappears for 3days for a business trip, and on this business trip he can’t take calls, or can’t talk for more than 5 seconds. Sister, ,Nigger is married. Awon stupid people!Awon time wasters jati jati.

    • Fisa

      October 17, 2014 at 11:15 am

      Yes ure very right!!!!!! Any guy that tells you is not on Facebook is worth suspecting.

  36. Arin

    October 16, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    The other one was in Canada , Weil Skype everyday, heil call me, talk for 2hours on his way to work, Weil chat at intervals during work hours. After work, we both get home we Skype. This lasted fora out a month . In fact he take the matter pass me, Il sometimes need a reason not to talk to him all the time, but e go turn to fight. Blabla your not putting as much as I am blablbal. Dude, ‘what’s your facebook name’, long story, what’s your brothers name, I got his brothers name and that was all I needed. Went on Facebook and got the shock of my life. Wedding pictures! Just 2month. This dude was married for 2months only! Apparently his wife in Nigeria was still processing her Canada visa and all. Ah! To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

  37. Jite

    October 16, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    E.g Captain – of Arikair

    • John

      October 16, 2014 at 4:25 pm

      Share your experience, we wouldn’t know which of the captains, as there are loads of captains *wink*

  38. Jhaye

    October 16, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    After seeing so many similar stories to some experiences I’ve had in the past. My advice to my younger self and all women out there would be as follows in no particular order is to beware of dating guys who tick a number of the following suspicious acts:
    1)Guys who make no attempt to be seen in public with you,
    2)Guys who have sparsely furnished abodes with no pictures in their homes.
    3)Guys who have phone numbers that suddenly go missing at the beginning of your relationship and they refuse to retrieve it after more than a month. (That line is for the main the main woman)
    4)Guys who do not attend events with you where the wives of their friends will be (their friends and family may be complicit but a friend’s wife would not typically go down that round with all them other Mo-Fo’s as she go begin dey suspect her hubby).
    5)Guys who are always too busy after work and every weekend to hang out with you na only phone love (madam dey around).
    6)Guys who only calls on his way home or at very specific times of the day and the calls are in an echo filled room (he’s hiding from someone most likely) or in a very noisy place where he can’t speak for long.,
    7)Guys who claim not to be interested in going with you to a place that interests you, usually a public place where he can be caught (the things we endure for love no matter how we hate them grows love deeply).
    8)Guys who have kids doesn’t spend time with them – Rest assured that he won’t be spending time with you either.
    9)Guys who always apologises for doing the same thing that you have told him hurts you over and over again – he doesn’t give a flying fig about you.
    10)Guys who constantly say I love you but his actions are at variance with his words (My personal favorite it can really drive you batty)
    11)Guys who Make no attempt to introduce you to his friends or family and sometimes doesn’t try to meet yours.
    12)Guys who act like a monitoring spirit when he calls you wanting to know who you were talking with, who is in your car or taking you home and yet codes his movement worse that a Navy Seal!
    13)Guys who constantly wave money in your face when they have offended you. That ain’t love it’s downright disrespectful unles you are a ho!
    14)Guys who are forever broke and use various sob stories to sponge off you and never pay back.
    15)Guys who dictate what you should dress yourself in, hairstyles, events to attend, what you should spend your money on etc but either never pay or pay only their way
    16)Guys who after six months have not helped you with encouragement, advice, contacts etc to achieve your dreams and more specifically a guy who has never even asked you about your dreams and only talks about his.
    17)Guys who act all spiritual and God-fearing but never PRAY with you or for you when the situation arises and even when it doesn’t!!
    18)Guys who always expect you to sacrifice your plans, wants and desires to accomodate them but never do the same for you.
    19)Guys who never seem to remember your first name 100% of the time na soso ‘baby’,’babygirl’,’sweetie’ etc In Destiny Child’s words Say my name say my name……………
    20)Guys who lay their hands on you in violence (Don’t get me started on this one…..never experienced it personally but WTF!!!!)

    • pipi

      October 17, 2014 at 11:01 am

      OH yes the one that always calls u on the way home

  39. Jhaye

    October 16, 2014 at 4:36 pm

    Apologies for the epistle guys the ‘ting toush me’…LOL!!!

  40. adeanon

    October 16, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    Wow. What I am really happy about is the sheer number of decent girls who found out they were unknowingly dating a married man..and abstained!

    Sharp Contrast from Udo- featured under Pastor Taiwo’s piece on infidelity and Janet’s comments thereunder… saying wait for him to leave his wife!
    May God give us all a discerning spirit.

  41. h

    October 16, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    i just dodged the bullet with this experience. met a guy, no wedding band, started talking, calls at all hours, he then invited me to his house, in his house met his cousin, we were all chatting, and then as my eyes went to the left what did i see but three, yes 3 toddler bicycles, at this point i swallowed spit fast!!! his sister in law came to the house as well, he introduced me to her, told me to come and join them in the living room, i said no am fine in the kitchen. i was looking around and the kitchen was way too organised to belong to a single guy. After everyone had left, he then said we shud go to the room and chill….. by this time i was already on high alert, and as i enter the room, it was a beautifully decorated kids room…. with a beautiful girls pic on the wall, i asked who she was, he said after amlong pause, his daughter…. i asked where they were, and he said they just relocated to canada!!! At this point, my fellow bellanaijairans i politely told him i was ready to go, and if he could do me the honour of dropping me at home, because i did not come out with my car and it was raiing. I did not tell him why i wanted to leave in such a haste, but i was so embarrased , and felt so sad for his wife and kids!! the fool still calls me, and i just let it ringgggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!

    • iyke

      October 16, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      You are smart! Nipping it in bud straight away.
      Thanks for not giving away your power! I always tell ladies, it’s OK to say NO and firmly stand by it.

  42. Sandra

    October 16, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    I haven’t had such an experience but one thing I surely do is pray that God reveals the true heart and intentions of the people in my life towards me. The prayer has worked for me and I pray God helps all the honest hearts out there.

  43. Bring on more of ur thotful bitterness lol

    October 16, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Y’all are THOTs that’s why it all seems to be happening to you lot

    #thotgang

    • Idomagirl

      October 17, 2014 at 2:59 am

      And you are a moron. #morongang

  44. Sherri

    October 16, 2014 at 7:57 pm

    It is more heart breaking to see the sheer number of females this has happened to. oftentimes us females tend to colorize relationships with emotions.
    there are usually obvious red flags but I guess she was just not intuitive to them.

    BN, I think we need a “Sisterhood Forum” a section for females to rant. rave, be encouraged, inspired, mentored, trained, enlightened, resource for a myriad of needs.
    I am very passionate about this and would be more than happy and honored to assist in bring this to fruition.

    • G

      October 19, 2014 at 1:36 am

      we learn everyday….

  45. mia

    October 16, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    Before I got married, I always tell people that if a guy is over 30 and he looks really eligible, the first question I’ll ask him is how many women has he sampled before coming to me before he uses his crowded life to complicate mine. Ladies, the problem is we see a guy, he has everything and we lose our cool.we ask no questions and we give up the cookie too soon. Why can’t we take our time to find things out,pray and be sure before we commit our time and heart to relationships. That’s how we handle other stuffs in our lives but we forget it when it comes to men matters.

    There are loads of evil men around, protect yourself, do not be their victim.

  46. Hmmmm

    October 16, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    Yes we may all be thots in your eyes but we’re women and as such we could be your sisters, future daughters, mum etc. for all the men that are coming here to gloat it’s pretty obvious that Nigerian men don’t give a hoot about our feelings. Most of the men who have commented here seem to justify their evil behavior by calling us names and accusing us of being ho’s and goldiggers. From my own discussions with a number of them it’s obvious they don’t care and would continue doing this evil until we as women start taking control of our lives. We follow poor man they say we’re settling out of desperation to marry we follow rich men we’re gold diggers and thots. As for this commentor May your days be filled with the bitterness experienced by all the innocent women that have come here to share their stories. May you only meet the thots you are talking about. For coming here to laugh at real people with real problems may God soften your hert by making you experience the pain these women have gone or are going through a hundredfold.

  47. Doxa

    October 16, 2014 at 10:37 pm

    My eyes are full. I only have one question to ask, these men ehn is there any repercussion for them, I.e. does God punish them abi he allows them to go scot free. I am all for leaving vengeance for God o, but what of when God does not take vengeance, then you see these men who have made lives miserable living life peacefully and happily. Please ignore my lack of proper punctuation, I feel so … right now.

  48. Nitty

    October 17, 2014 at 3:17 am

    Honestly, the fear of these married men posing as single men is truly the beginning of wisdom. I haven’t experienced anything like these stories here but I’ve had friends who came close to failing for such Devils. Yes they are Devils! Anyone that would deceive,lie and manipulate another human not just a female is a descendant of the devil and his cohorts

  49. spoonfullofsugar

    October 17, 2014 at 9:11 am

    I dont even Know who I pity more. The wife or the girl the man dated for 6 months. A honest man who can find?

  50. Jhaye

    October 17, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    What is the deal with so many married men forming they are single? Is there some sort of award for how many women a married man deceives? Is breaking women’s hearts a sport now just like duck hunting, golfing or football? I believe it may be time to create a website with all the details of such men, their Mugshots and their Modus Operandi just so that we decent women who are actually trying to be with the bone of our bone don’t get taken for a ride. Anyone in the house in favour say AYE!!!

    By the way this website must have the kind of investigation techniques they use on Cheaters so trifling women don’t break innocent men’s home. But if the ni**a is cutting show abeg we need to pull a Trisha & Jerrry Springer double whammy on his ass!!!

    Until that day when such a website is launched, women if it don’t seem right don’t make excuses for him! Shine your eye, Listen intently and Pray that every attempt by the enemy to derail your destiny is swiftly revealed and destroyed!!!

  51. ossy

    October 17, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    Let her apply for the post of a 2nd wife. The married man might consider it.

  52. Dr. Petite

    October 18, 2014 at 8:39 am

    I’m not sure who I pity more in such scenerios, the deceived single lady or the wife. At least the single lady can realise the deceit and leave and meet a better man later. But the wife is stuck with this stupid loser of a husband for life. Things like this is what drives women crazy, cos he’ll definitely move to the next unsuspecting victim once his deceit has been found out.. Anyway, this is what happens when your fiance is dating 5 other girls, but you don’t mind cos you feel you have won bcos you have the ring. This is what he’ll be like after marriage, a stupid cheat with no conscience and you’ll have to deal with it for the next 50 years of your life. Women really need to make better choices when settling down and not be pressure into marrying any idiot. If not, he’ll be with another woman on your bed while your having his baby. #nuffsaid

  53. Dr. Petite

    October 18, 2014 at 8:45 am

    *pressured *you’re

  54. the ugly truth

    October 18, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    It’s annoying to read thru dis comments n see others laugh at people’s pain…it could be u or ur person someday..so u better…watch it..been thru d same as well,only dt in my case I found out he was married on d pages of credo magazine…took me a lot of tears n gnashing and prayers to heal from it…im better n wiser n stronger nw,n I darn well knw dt it happened for odas to learn frm me…I knw my worth n I’m soooo not settling for less..God help us all

  55. Chris

    October 19, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    I think that women need to keep 3 things in mind
    1. You can’t expect strangers to watch out for u.

    you’re sleeping with someone and you think he’s going to tell you the truth. You’re behaving like our married, and u expect him to give up the benefits just like that. In other words, when ur relationship is one sided, there is a problem.

    2. Don’t date someone you have not been close friends with for sometime.

    Someone who’s history you know, you know his friends, former girlfriends, his work etc before you take it to the next level.

    3. Don’t complain that someone deceived you when you yourself are deceiving others, like madam 20 rounds who lied to her parents, watch the kind of person ur dating, is he open in front of you, how does he treat other people, how do his friends talk to him in front and away from you (seriously or mockingly) is he honest with others or not.
    Don’t to change something he does that you don’t like. Just break up with him if can’t live with it otherwise u are looking for troublesome.

    • me

      October 20, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      All these n’a oyinbo proper,forget all that English speaking, I didn’t date early and was looking forward to dating and a serious relationship but guess what I have dated married men unknowingly twice, like me no nonsense, first one was in his early 30s,32 I think, so you wouldn’t think,wrong, I thought and I asked even before we started talking relationships, we were friends and decided to work on a side business together, I never slept with him but I was looking forward to it as some point, I snooped around for no reason at all until I went to post from 3 years before we even met meaning about five years before where his cousin asked “how is your family ? ” dude flirts on facebook like it’s nobody’s business, only time can reveal some things, they will slip one day but until then your ignorance will be intact.

      Years after my first bite, I met another one who was a friend for over six months, we started dating and he would travel from PH to Lagos once he is off the rig (he called everyday from the rig) spend all of his break time with me, then head back,we would chat till he snores, I was constantly asking for selfies when we speak,in the kitchen, sitting room,etc just so I know I am not being played again.

      By the time we had a fight and I decided to be gaga,i found out he was a fake and guess what he said he didnt intend to tell me until our wedding night !!! According to him they are heading for a divorce and because he knew me well as a friend he knew I would never have accepted him even as a divorcee..

      Only God can save anyone from evil and sometimes, you need to experience these so you can learn a lesson or two, I am still friends with both of them,but I am glad I didn’t allow that experience shatter my hope, I am with a much older person(No 2’s sister said how do I expect someone at 39,with an Oil and gas job to be single) , who has never been married before, has better pedigree than all of them combined,he is not as lovey dovey as they both were but he is super caring and supportive of my life and we are best of friends, though he didn’t want to get married ever, I think he is shown more than enough signs he has changed his mind.

      So God is the only one who can help you in relationships, a these list are stories, except you have experienced it, you can never get it. God let the devil tempt his son,he let the devil use his favourite, he can allow bad things to happen so you can give him the glory, if I didn’t experience these I would have said I was super smart so it can’t happen to me, but it did.Always let God do what he know how to do best

  56. hmmmm

    October 20, 2014 at 2:54 am

    wow…i have indeed learnt from so many comments here…its really an eye opener for me…may God heal the heartbroken and direct our paths.

  57. always happy

    November 11, 2014 at 1:28 am

    Dia ris God, all married men who cheat heap years on suffering and vain labour on themselves, don’t worry to be inspector gadget, your father Baba God serves the best kind of Justice. In my lifetime, I had seen with my korokoro eyes married men flirting and arranging to meet with foolish girls , even taking their kids along or using their kids as Ishallattract babe magnet. And then there are the so called “acquaintances” who become “best friends” overnight because the lies that bind them is so thick. This is not even the so called married men who brag to their foolish friends about some co-worker giving them head at work, and this is what “irresponsible ” talk about and laugh about…… me I can’t shout but I can sure pray and not put my trust in “man”.

  58. bushbaby

    December 10, 2014 at 9:08 am

    Stories that touch the heart waoh what a woman heart of glass has to through on the hand of so many stones. Yet they are still untold stories. Na the wan wey u know u go fit tan about.

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