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Chiugo Akaolisa: 8 Things We Should Teach Our Children About Love



There is an increasing number of youngsters living with the notion that love is difficult to manage or a myth altogether, mainly because their primary role models have shown them to believe so. Their experiences make them approach relationships from a cynical or defeatist point of view. Their cynicisms are perpetuated when they encounter love prospects or friends who only support their beliefs that love is pain. This is not helpful.

When you decide to have children, you must understand that your entire life and decisions will come under scrutiny. These children will look up to you to show them the good and bad about the world and whichever you put forward sticks with them, long term. When a father decides to put his hands on his wife when she makes a point, it teaches his biological students that women are not supposed to have views. Similarly, when a woman constantly complains to her children about her spouse, without proper understanding, daughters may extend their father’s shortcomings to all men and sons may emulate him. Children must be shielded from the belief that love is flawed. It is imperative that primary care givers, put aside their differences, put up a united front and teach their wards the right things about life and love.

This is what we ought to teach our children about love:

Love is Enduring
It may take a bit of work, it may hit rough patches but it endures. This can only happen when primary care givers put in the work needed to make it last.  They cannot give up in the face of little misunderstanding and expect their wards not to do the same.

Love is a Choice
Just because their parent’s marriage was arranged and it worked doesn’t mean that spouses or relationships should be imposed on them. They should have the right to pick whomever makes them happy, with the guidance of the primary care givers, of course.

Love Abhors Violence
There is no excuse for linking these two. Our kids must know that when love exists, violence cannot exist as well. There are other forms of expression and correction and primary care givers must show that.

Heartbreaks Are Not Permanent
There is a level of love and understanding children witness that make them understand that heartbreaks are not perpetual. They form a mindset that love similar to what the primary care givers display will surely come along.

Love is Compromise
If our wards see the lengths that primary care givers go to put their partner’s happiness over their own, they will only express it in their own relationship. Children must be taught to live a selfless life.

Love is Confidence
Our children should never witness primary care givers demean each other to the point that their self-confidence suffers. Love brings out confidence and never belittles it, they should know that.

Love is Peaceful
When there is always chaos in the house, children can misconstrue this as a sign of love “we yell because we care”.  Raised voices are never healthy for children.

Love Has a Voice
Male primary care givers should never smother the voice of their partners. They have the right to speak up when they feel slighted. Our children are watching.

With the ever-increasing rate of divorce and selfishness, we need to start early and teach our children the right things about love and life. The bible quotes “Train children in the way they should go, and even when they grow, they will never depart from it.”


Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Spotmatik

Chiugo Veronica Akaolisa is a graduate from the University of Alberta, Canada. She is a God-lover and a recluse. Her every spare time is spent writing and developing her business. She is an entrepreneur and a budding novelist. Her true passion is Poetry and Relationship Tips. She has a minor in Psychology. Twitter: Verachi | Facebook: | Instagram: missverachi |


  1. omoibo

    December 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    @ Chiugo, I agree with your list completely but here’s the thing, as individuals we can never give something that we don’t have in us love included even as parents.
    My idea of showing love to my child is definitely different from the way my parents showed theirs to me while growing up, this wasn’t because my parents weren’t loving.
    African parents love is very different, the idea of showing love you is putting a roof over our head, making sure that we were fed, clothed & school fees paid.
    Emotional nurturing is key and goes a long way in instilling a sense of self worth and confidence in a child, thankfully I got this too from other families members that understood the importance and I’m forever grateful 🙂

    • Ross

      December 12, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      Absolutely right. The piece is well written and like you observed in your own words, emotional intelligence isn’t something the African has in abundance. We feel (or have been brought up to feel) that love is a European phenomenon and has no place in our relationships. It’s a harsh environment we are from and children imbibe these wrong notions. Slowly though, people are having the courage to speak up and it should do us good. Without real love driving our decisions, the entire rat-race is a waste of time.

  2. lois

    December 12, 2014 at 12:11 pm


  3. Frances Okoro

    December 12, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    I totally agree with this. A lot of the wrong mindsets we have about relationships stems from our young formative years and the kind of family we grew up in.
    If parents will teach kids about these things, lots of issues on relationships and love will be resolved to a great extent.

  4. loveaddict

    December 12, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    Well written. I am going to use this in my teachings. Thank you!

  5. Tosin

    December 12, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    She is also a very good writer.

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