There is an increasing number of youngsters living with the notion that love is difficult to manage or a myth altogether, mainly because their primary role models have shown them to believe so. Their experiences make them approach relationships from a cynical or defeatist point of view. Their cynicisms are perpetuated when they encounter love prospects or friends who only support their beliefs that love is pain. This is not helpful.
When you decide to have children, you must understand that your entire life and decisions will come under scrutiny. These children will look up to you to show them the good and bad about the world and whichever you put forward sticks with them, long term. When a father decides to put his hands on his wife when she makes a point, it teaches his biological students that women are not supposed to have views. Similarly, when a woman constantly complains to her children about her spouse, without proper understanding, daughters may extend their father’s shortcomings to all men and sons may emulate him. Children must be shielded from the belief that love is flawed. It is imperative that primary care givers, put aside their differences, put up a united front and teach their wards the right things about life and love.
This is what we ought to teach our children about love:
Love is Enduring
It may take a bit of work, it may hit rough patches but it endures. This can only happen when primary care givers put in the work needed to make it last. They cannot give up in the face of little misunderstanding and expect their wards not to do the same.
Love is a Choice
Just because their parent’s marriage was arranged and it worked doesn’t mean that spouses or relationships should be imposed on them. They should have the right to pick whomever makes them happy, with the guidance of the primary care givers, of course.
Love Abhors Violence
There is no excuse for linking these two. Our kids must know that when love exists, violence cannot exist as well. There are other forms of expression and correction and primary care givers must show that.
Heartbreaks Are Not Permanent
There is a level of love and understanding children witness that make them understand that heartbreaks are not perpetual. They form a mindset that love similar to what the primary care givers display will surely come along.
Love is Compromise
If our wards see the lengths that primary care givers go to put their partner’s happiness over their own, they will only express it in their own relationship. Children must be taught to live a selfless life.
Love is Confidence
Our children should never witness primary care givers demean each other to the point that their self-confidence suffers. Love brings out confidence and never belittles it, they should know that.
Love is Peaceful
When there is always chaos in the house, children can misconstrue this as a sign of love “we yell because we care”. Raised voices are never healthy for children.
Love Has a Voice
Male primary care givers should never smother the voice of their partners. They have the right to speak up when they feel slighted. Our children are watching.
With the ever-increasing rate of divorce and selfishness, we need to start early and teach our children the right things about love and life. The bible quotes “Train children in the way they should go, and even when they grow, they will never depart from it.”
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