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Girl Spice: 5 Reasons I’m Still Single

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In a little over three weeks I’m going to hit the big “Three Oh’. Society expects that I should be a Mrs. Somebody by now or at least be spotting a rock on that finger but hey, I can’t even boast of a boyfriend to my name.

Over the years, I’ve gone through different phases and stages a single girl living in Nigeria goes through. The happy ‘I am single days’; the ‘Oh I just met a cool guy’ days; and the frustrating ‘my ex just got married’ days. You all know the drill so I don’t need to get into all that.

I know I’m definitely not the only one wearing these shoes; however, I’m not sure how many have the same reasons for wearing them that I have.

My friend Chika and I have shared relationship and dating experiences and have one too many times whined about our singleness. Every time we have that girl talk, I seem to get an insight into the reason why I’m still a Miss. I will outline them below. Some will sound frivolous, stupid, or even childish but don’t judge me, no apologies this is me.

I am Special
I am special because I am different from other girls, there are a few like me out there no doubt but I must say I am not the conventional Nigerian girl. I am way smarter than your average girl and then some guys too. I am not thrilled by the little things guys say and do that would make a girl swoon. To get my attention, you just have to be extraordinary. When we talk it’s got to be intelligent conversation and you better know more about the subject than I do, or else just take a back seat.

The thing is those guys who are really smart, smarter than girls like me are few. The other ones are intimidated by me; and some turned off by a girl too smart for her own good.

I Have Got it All Together
The single independent woman syndrome. No, I won’t ask you for help to buy that Brazilian hair or pay that bill. Girls like me don’t need to say, when you see us you will know we are not playing damsel in distress. And the result? The men don’t get the chance to play hero. I’m working on that though because a man got to be and feel like a man.

I am Not Ready to Give Up the Honey Before Jumping the Broom
Let’s face it, it’s a big deal for most men. They want it when they want it. No patience for that “I will wait till the wedding night story”. I have had many guys tell me they have to taste the goods before they purchase it. However, I firmly believe in closing that shop until marriage. Call me old-fashioned if you want. I have looked around at a couple of my close friends and relatives that recently got married. Some with the cute baby bump under the wedding dress, evidence that the cookie was offered. Others close enough tell me they have had premarital relations with the intended. I still know a couple of others that have waited. The statistics is, however, meager compare to the first group.
So there goes my reason number 3: I am not offering, they are not putting the ring on it.

Fear of Commitment
Okay classic story, boy meets girl, boy is all cool, funny and fun to be with, then boy says “I want to get serious with you” that is the part where I panic and I think “Hold on a minute, Slow down here! Do I look like I’m desperate to settle down? I’m single because I refuse to ‘manage’ a man. I want the whole package! I take two steps back and ask myself again: is his English above average? Does he love movies like I do? Does he like kids like I do? Has he got a steady source of income? Does he dress well? Is he someone I can respect, someone I can look up to? You know like how when you were younger and you looked up to your Dad like he’s got all the answers? Is he neat? (I like really neat guys).

LOVE. Plain old sweet love!
You won’t believe this after everything I’ve said the last but certainly not the least reason (I’m not ashamed to say) is that I still believe in love – the type you see in fairytales. The Cinderella kind of love, the Obinze and Ifemelu kind of love (go and read Americanah). I’m still waiting for the butterflies in my stomach feeling before I commit to any man. I want to hold that special someone’s hands and feel the shivers down my spine, a thud in my heart and feel my knees wobble. I want that man that would treat me like a lady, open doors, draw chairs, surprise me with chocolates and flowers at work just because it’s Monday, Leave romantic notes in ridiculous places for me to find. The kind of man that would go all out to plan and pull off a surprise proposal. You know, that kind of man* wink*.

So my dears that is my story, that is why I am still single and if those snoopy aunts dare to ask me why I’m still single again, I’ll just pull out a copy of this list from my purse and we’ll see what they have to say about it. My mum will totally freak out if she gets a whiff of this.

Is anyone on this boat with me? Or am I riding solo on this one? Someone? Anyone? Hello?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Stockyimages 

Girls spice is a girl like any other single girl living and working in the nation’s Capital. She believes in love. Not just any kind of love, the type you see in fairytales. She considers herself an incurable romantic and writes anonymously on https://dairyofanincurableromantic.wordpress.com

128 Comments

  1. Onetallgirl

    January 25, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    No girl spice I’m right there with you girl! Especially with number three. I’ve been single for a very long time cuz of dat #3, all the way from New York

    • MSanon

      January 25, 2015 at 11:22 pm

      Wow this was me awhile back but I changed after reading ‘why men love bitches’. Truth is even with our brave front we are miserable inside. No man is perfect and men do want to be a ladies hero. So girl, go read that book

    • dachic

      January 27, 2015 at 11:03 am

      same with me.whoooh!!!!!!!

  2. lady

    January 25, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    You wrong like you got a script from me! I’ll be turning 30 this year too and sometimes I wonder if I’m asking for too much. Friends tell me to lower my standards but I just can’t stand most guys I meet especially as I’m sapiosexual.

    • Yeni

      January 25, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      Happy to meet a fellow sapiosexual. When I tell friends I am attracted to a guys mind/the workings of his mind, they think I am crazy, I get so excited when I am having an amazing discussions, I can’t imagine been married to someone I can’t have that with. Although one problem I have encountered is that good lucking intellectually sound guys are not necessarily looking for a brain orgasm, except when it is packed with sexual innuendos. SO Annoying!!!

    • anwuli

      January 26, 2015 at 12:34 am

      ???
      ???

    • Jo!

      January 26, 2015 at 1:28 pm

      looooooooooooooooooooooooooool @anwuli

    • Surely

      January 26, 2015 at 7:55 am

      No, I won’t ask you for help to buy that Brazilian hair or pay that bill. Girls like me don’t need to say, when you see us you will know we are not playing damsel in distress. And the result? The men don’t get the chance to play hero. I’m working on that though because a man got to be and feel like a man.

      SERIOUSLY???!!! SO BECAUSE OF A MAN, YOU WILL ACT LIKE YOU ARE MORE DISABLED THAN YOU REALLY ARE??? JUST SO HE CAN “BE THE MAN”… NA WA OOOOOO

    • deb

      January 26, 2015 at 10:54 am

      Not exactly. you should read Steve Harvey’s “Act like a Lady, Think like a man” for this. Yes, you can support yourself on most fronts, but letting the guy just “be the man” in some areas won’t undermine your abilities in any way. Infact, some men respect that. A LOT.

    • Profound

      January 26, 2015 at 10:57 am

      I think you’ve misunderstood her point. She’s smart enough to know that EVERY man needs to feel like a man. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being independent. I should know. I’m the defintion of an independent woman! However, it takes a smart woman to recognise that a man has to feel like a man!Inspite of me being Miss Independent, best believe that I consciously try to ensure that my husband never feels undermined by my actions.

    • Jo!

      January 26, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      Yes I will, I won’t even lie. I’m your typical independent DIY girl, I’m soooo uncomfortable asking people for anything, even my father, but I learnt recently, apparently, men WANT to be asked/actually enjoying “taking care of their woman”????? like, go figure… So in 2015, I shall be mastering the “Art of being Dependent”

    • Ada Nnewi

      January 26, 2015 at 11:58 am

      Omo! Mr Le boo is soooo cerebral, his brain is constantly working, it’s such a turn-on. We can talk about anything and everything….And on top of it all he has such a sweet sweet soul, a big aheeeemmm and he makes bank…..I can’t believe i got so lucky….He thinks he’s the lucky one but i know i’m the absolutely lucky one….

  3. lady

    January 25, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    *wrote

  4. Erefa Jumbo

    January 25, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    On point with being special, independent & not offering the honey. But I have to disagree with commitment & love. Nobody can be perfect enough for commitment. His faults are some of the reasons he needs you. Any perfect guy may very well be a great actor. For love,it comes in different shades but its still love.

  5. Rs

    January 25, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    This one don pass be careful… girl you need to relax and have fun

  6. Unique

    January 25, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Okay these reasons are why I am still single. I know how you feel. I am now at the phase where my friends look at me as a weird person lol. Their faces alone say it all. Luckily two of my siblings got married in their early thirties. So my family just dey look me for now.

  7. Kamsoluchi

    January 25, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    Hello Girls spice, you sure are not solo on this one! Surprisingly, we share the same reasons for wearing these shoes and a few more!

  8. bruno

    January 25, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    Is anyone on this boat with me? Or am I riding
    solo on this one? Someone? Anyone? Hello?

    SMH. misery loves company.

    i can bet my life,you are not happy that u are still unmarried at the age of 30. I’m sure u are scared and afraid u will end up bitter and alone. stop trying to act brave.

    keep consoling your self, keep decieving your self, that u are happy being single at the age of 30.

    keep behaving like u don’t need men,this is not feminism. many of u ladies don’t understand feminism.u will end up old, bitter and lonely.

    the kind of man/relationship u described does not exist. u watch a lot of romance movies. u better wake up and start being realistic.

    someone like u if u eventually get married, the marriage will not last because u are unrealistic.

    • reply

      January 25, 2015 at 5:32 pm

      I hate Bruno but I like this comment. It’s true Girl Spice, you are trying too hard to show you are happy being alone. Do you even know we were never created to be alone? Let’s be real abeg and stop all this crap.

    • Lol

      January 25, 2015 at 6:00 pm

      Is Bruno Ms spice girl Mr. Right coz he’s smart and will definitely wait till the wedding night! Lol…just joking!

    • Nahum

      January 25, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      I agree with Bruno on this one. Girl, if you truly, truly want to get married and stay married, you have to be more realistic. No man is perfect cause neither are you. We all have issues. So if you want to wait for the perfect guy, child you will wait forever. So let me give you the advice my dad gave me, look for the man whose issues you can tolerate and live with. IF you can’t stand a jobless man, please do not marry one. Marry a man you can tolerate and who can tolerate you.

    • Married with children

      January 25, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      Wow. Like married people can’t feel lonely and miserable in a marriage. Not everyone needs to be married to feel happy. In fact people who need someone else to make them feel happy and whole are the poster children for miserable. Psychology 101. Even my 4 year old daughter knows this…

    • CoconutPineapple

      January 25, 2015 at 7:55 pm

      I have to agree with you Bruno.

      Dear Writer, you live in your head alot. Let me be real with you real quick, do you want kids? You know fertility declines for women at 35 right?

      I commend you for reason 3, but all your other reasons just sound silly.

      Morever what do you have to offer a man, what do u bring to the table.

      Please my dear, if you don’t want to end up alone, grow up.

    • Aphrodite

      January 26, 2015 at 8:42 pm

      ‘Fertility declines at 35’, classic example of if a statement is repeated enough times, it becomes the truth!
      The study which churned out this famous lie, was conducted on french women circa 1700s. And it showed a 4% drop in pregnancy rates ages 28-37
      But don’t let facts get in the way of a good BN bashing

    • Nabz

      January 25, 2015 at 9:34 pm

      For the first time, gotta agree with Bruno on this one. Girl Spice, your article reeks of consolation and dire convincing. It’s like you’re trying to convince yourself your standards are realistic and you shouldn’t lower them for anyone. Too true, you shouldn’t have to but every once in a while, run them through a reality check.

      Let’s look at the first one. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone more intelligent than you. Heck, that’s how you stay mentally stimulated and challenged in a relationship but nobody knows everything. That line about ‘you better know more about the subject than I do, or else just take a back seat.’, that’s condescension and no one likes being made to feel stupid. Be open to him learning from you too rather you trying to nick knowledge from him all the time. Hell, that’s where the respect comes from. If he constantly has to teach you or not being able to learn from you too, he’ll get bored and start seeking stimulation elsewhere.

      Secondly, aunty you’re not the only one that’s got it together. Many independent ladies out there who still keep their men. It’s not about him not getting a chance to play hero, but I reckon you’re the sort that will constantly throw it in his face you don’t need him. If you’re used to Brazilian and he gives you money for braids, provided that’s all he can afford, take it and gaan do braids. Next time, use your money for brazilian and so on. Money-wise is not the only way he can play hero, it’s about you making him feel needed.

      Thirdly, there are men out there, a lot in fact who believe in this same thing you do and will respect you more for it.

      Fourthly, this one is not fear of commitment, this one is being greedy. No one comes perfect, partners compliment and complete each other. Some things can be learnt in the course of the relationship and some you just have to overlook.

      Fifthly (if there’s such a thing), romantic love is a notion created by Disney. A lot of us women have been conditioned to expect that as a testament of a man’s love and commitment…err not necessarily. Most men are not born romantic – while a lot show their romantic side only after they have fallen in love and deem the girl worthy of all the efforts. I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t trust a man who pulls out all the stops for me in the first 3 months or so of our r/ship. I’d rather a man who has watched me, learned my habits, is accepting of my flaws and decided that he’d do whatever he can to keep me in his life, thereby making meaningful romantic gestures throughout our life together. Note that a man can be romantic in the early days ’cause they know that’s the way to get you to fall and then stop it when they’ve gotten and then what?

      Girl Spice, you’re going to be 30. You’ll officially be a woman – be matured and realistic in your search. Know that you can’t win it all but that’s not to say you should accept just anybody but instead, focus on attributes you can’t do without like complete honesty, hardworking, God fearing, intelligence, sense of humour etc.

      Good luck with your search!

    • obia

      January 26, 2015 at 8:19 am

      Thank you for schooling this woman. There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want but please, please, please, GirlsSpice, calm down. No one is perfect, so stop looking for Mr Right. Are you Mrs Right? I have a sister who sounded just like you in her 20s and she will be clocking 40 this year. You can smell her misery from a mile away. Marriage/relationship is about compromise, A little bit of your character/behaviours/habits have to give, just as he too will have to accommodate your flaws. That’s what it means to love a person, warts and all! The romance you crave is manufactured, it is not real. There is no real life relationship where the man is always tall, rich and handsome and the girl is petite with a 2 inch waste (watch Beauty and the Beast). And stop craving Ifemelu and Obinze’s love. You want to keep your cherry yet you are hankering for an adulterous romance. (just calling it what it is)

    • pipi

      January 26, 2015 at 9:15 am

      Please please copy this comment paste on a word document and study, i mean study

    • Hadassah

      January 26, 2015 at 10:49 am

      I saved your response!
      Thankssssssssss
      I will be referring to this in the course of the year and beyond’

    • May

      January 26, 2015 at 1:44 pm

      I actually really needed to read this. thanks Nabz.

    • MOI

      January 26, 2015 at 1:49 pm

      ok now I am about to be 3o this year and I have tried all these things you just advised girl spice and nothing seems to work… what do I do? keep on praying… please aunty Bellanaija try and open a hook up site.

    • imose

      January 25, 2015 at 10:50 pm

      @Bruno..ohoh you nailed it Sekem!!!

    • aarya stark

      January 25, 2015 at 11:52 pm

      GBAM!!!

      Bruno has spoken!!!

      Although, I don;t think she needs to lower her standards though. To each her own.

      Just a little advice from a 29 year old married woman (though married when I was 26) who is also a sapiosexual.. The smartest guys in these world aren’t usually the best dressers or care too much about fashion, they might not necessarily be neat and might even prefer watching documentaries over movies. SO you gatta ask yourself what is more important? If smart guy is what you want, put the other simple things by the side. You can always teach a guy how to dress and how to be neat and to pronounce words well like I did mine.

    • CurvesAndEdges

      January 26, 2015 at 8:36 am

      Bruno writes a love of BS but I can’t argue with him on this one. This is a very unrealistic write up that will set up any woman to:
      1. Be single for a long long time
      2. Be unfulfilled when she finally does get into a relationship

      …. he has to know more about all subjects you discuss?
      …. he has to be ‘extraordinary’? Really…. Girlfriend, the husband material guys are very normal guys who are just good people, simple. they are extra ordinary in their heart not because of some intellect or degree or ability to hold an ‘electrifying’ conversation.
      …. to a very large extent, most guys are NOT intimidated by smarts, they are intimidated by arrogance which your article really portrays. You should get off your horse….. trust me there are many married women who are smarter than however smart you think you may be.
      ….. a guy says he is ready to get serious with you, and you think it’s because he might think you are desperate? Babe, now I am concerned, seriously. You need to talk to your mum and older aunts some more. Those Mills and Boons seem to have affected you some.
      …. does he love movies like you do? Come on babe, you are taking this thing too far..
      ….. butterflies, shivers, thud….. those are your definition of love?? Ok, now I rest my case.

  9. winifred

    January 25, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    Yes I think your reasons are ridiculous and unreal. ain’t nobody gat time for writing n leaving careless love notes in marriage etc…wake up dreamer girl.

  10. miss tee

    January 25, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    You’re definitely not alone o!! I too am single and couldn’t have outlined my reasons better than you just did . I’m working on not having too high standards though, cos let’s face it, I’m not 100% myself. But the fear of commitment thing though, kai!! Even I am surprised by the kind of things I come up with to enhance my “running”….sigh. God help us…….

  11. ada

    January 25, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Nope… u are not alone… sometimes I say these things n my friends think I’m too tasking n I demand alot…
    I simply go… I want what I want… simple…
    esp the butterflies and the cute things..

  12. ACE

    January 25, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    I am with you all the way, although I must confess, am scared of the big “three oh”. But am on that boat with you sister

  13. ochiaku

    January 25, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    So true! My own story is even more pathetic. Most guys I have secretly admired most times end up toasting me because they’ve bn admiring me too and had the courage to walk up to the ever non smilingly, big sexy eyes(winks), and confident girl that I believe I am but I always end up finding a fault with him.
    Sometimes I feel it’s a spiritual problem but a year ago I sat down and told myself the truth. Am scared of commitment. I went through the most horrendous experience any lady can go through years back and I swear it affected me so badly that my heart thumps so hard when they approach me.
    Am 25 turning 26 in a few months and I support the no sex till marriage. Saves a lot of headache biko. Nne m. Everything you wrote is so true about me. I relate

    • mz_daniels

      January 26, 2015 at 9:51 am

      Dearie smile oh, ‘You’re never fully dressed without a smile’

  14. MATHEMATICAL BARNY

    January 25, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    With all the reasons u’ve listed .. I think you know why you are single.. Please work on yourself.. And hopefully u’ll get ur dream man

  15. cocoa

    January 25, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    well I am 26 and I believe every word U have said you kinda told my story too…they say good girls finish last I say we finish best in God’s lovely time table…#keep rocking #yougogirl #super woman and oh trust in the Lord with all your heart even when it comes to guys and lean not on your own understanding

  16. zee!

    January 25, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    seems like I did write this…………..will be 30 in a few days as well..you spoke my mind totally

  17. chika dim

    January 25, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    Smiles

  18. Liz

    January 25, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    My dear, you are very naive. Like yourself I’m also staring at the big 30 and not in a hurry to settle down but you are not miss perfect and Jesus is not going to come down from heaven to marry you so I suggest you cut out the shallow expectations or you will be writing a similar blog post 10years from now.

  19. Tosan

    January 25, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    You need to be a little more realistic and down to earth if you are indeed interested in getting married. I have been happily married for just 3.5 years (thank God) and I can already tell you that most of what you described above is not real life… I’m trying not to judge you but honestly I don’t think you are really ready for a real life marriage…

  20. onyi

    January 25, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    I am oh, very much so, i feel like u just wrote from my head, all my friends say i need to allow a man feel like a man, some have even asked if i am a lesbian, just cos i don’t suffer fools gladly abi kindly. i plan to become softer and maybe more tolerating this year, we’ll see how it goes though 🙂

  21. ogeyh

    January 25, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    You’re really an incurable romantic.

  22. jennifer

    January 25, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    Really nice, love this article I support women. It’s such a pity that girls this days are very greedy, most girls are looking for ready made guys.. to settle down with, forgetting that they are rubbing off their sense of belonging,in the future to come.. there is so much joy starting with a man,no matter what he would cherish you for life.# have you ever wondered why the first wife of a polygamous marriage gets most of the properties # let’s think again.# strong and independent #.
    Pls what do you think about a woman getting married to a guy she is older than,like two years difference. And they have been dating for up to five years now..

  23. Ifueko

    January 25, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    OMG!!
    This is exactly me..
    Wow, I’m super surprised someone thinks like me a 100percent when it comes to why I’m still single.
    PS.. We need to meet. Lol

  24. chi

    January 25, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    The writer sounds young..

    • bruno

      January 25, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      and foolish

  25. HAWT TALK WITH TOSAN

    January 25, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    My dear kudos to you on number 3. You should not compromise yourself to please any one. However dearie; there is nothing like the ‘total package”. what you may deem as the total package or the ideal man may change when you start building a life together. Children, a mortgage, loss of job etc bring out different sides of people. Just look at the core value of a person and then do not sweat too much of the other stuff.

    The way you described love made me giggle. It is obvious you are still into fairy tales. That description of love is the infatuation stage of any relationship. True love is measured by how you weather the BIG storms that WILL come in marriage.

    Good luck dear

    • imose

      January 26, 2015 at 1:57 am

      Another hit on the nail…Sekem!!! Spicy girls *waving my hands * shey u don hear as oga talk with tosan yarn? a word is…

  26. S!

    January 25, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    You Don’t Say!

  27. Felinda

    January 25, 2015 at 5:40 pm

    6th Reason – YOUR PLASTIC BLOND HAIR

  28. yaga

    January 25, 2015 at 5:51 pm

    are there still virgins in Naij? lol, okay let me narrow down to Lagos. lol, okay okay, shrugs* Island, cause all i see are hoes. I don’t understand. Where are you women dropping these comments, we need to have a virgin hall in Nigeria… lol, so good guys would know where to go, cause i’m pretty sure there are men out there out for your kind, its just that in a world full of lies, he say and she say, everyone is all defensive. idk maybe i’m yanning dust.

    • Ivy

      January 26, 2015 at 10:11 am

      So u want to marry someone cuz she is a virgin & island chics are “hoes”? Biko better live on d mainland with ur family so ur virgin wife doesn’t become a hoe…..Nonsense. Meanwhile, a friend of mine wanted to marry a girl cuz she was a virgin….lets just say he ran away cuz her demand for money was tooooo much. Not saying all virgins are like that but better have a better reason for getting married than virginity.

    • Meh

      January 26, 2015 at 12:37 pm

      I have a feeling BN has done an article on virgins who don’t go around telling everyone they are virgins…. however, back to my point… I grew up in V.I and can tell you of myself and my close friends, and we are just normal girls who have good jobs and happen to be virgins. We may not jump from relationship to relationship but that’s about it. It isn’t a sign on your forhead. Yes I am told there are guys who respect that… I have thankfully met a few, but they are indeed few. Not all island girls are hoes. Please. The same way not all men are looking for one thing.

  29. EllesarisEllendil

    January 25, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    Well Girl Spice, if you’re looking for a smart friend I’m your guy.

  30. zidora consults

    January 25, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Soooooooooo in a nutshell,you’re not ready,its as simple as that.cos once you’re ready,trust me you won’t know when you’ll marry lol.Just say “am not ready” and leave it at that.
    Pls visit http://www.zidoraconsults.com and contact trustworthy team to assist you if you want to study abroad,bachelors,M.Sc,Ph.d,work oppourtunities abroad etc.Also contact for domestic and int’l flight tickets,visa consultation&hotel and taxi arrangements.

  31. julez

    January 25, 2015 at 6:02 pm

    Lord hve mercy….I always tout I was alone…am relived dere re odas like me…yipee…I had to let go of several suitors cos of number 3..cos I state it rite 4rm th begining…dere re few thins am trying to change..God willing…but u jst said wrote abt my lyf…wow..we really nid to meet..am simply short of words

  32. julle

    January 25, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    Lord hve mercy….I always tout I was alone…am relived dere re odas like me…yipee…I had to let go of several suitors cos of number 3..cos I state it rite 4rm th begining…dere re few thins am trying to change..God willing…but u jst said wrote abt my lyf…wow..we really nid to meet..am simply short of words

  33. spoonfullofsugar

    January 25, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    If youre scared of commitment, why are we having this convo? On the other hand, If you are single and you actually want to find the man of your dreams, take the list of what you want in a man to God and do it with Faith. Also be willing to be the kind of wife the bible talks about. If you keep searching with human understanding you can end up alone at menopause or settle for the wrong man.
    N.B a godly wife is submissive and not a feminist.

    • Somebody

      January 26, 2015 at 3:38 am

      A submissive woman can also be a feminist and vice versa.

    • D Main Man

      January 26, 2015 at 12:31 pm

      @somebody
      if a woman is not submissive she has 100% feminism in her. i don’t know why there are feminists because if you are married to the RIGHT MAN, you guys are now ‘A WINNING TEAM” . What I dont like is. if you are not submissive or a feminist why then do you marry, just for you to showcase your “over sabi” in your home?

    • Nahum

      January 26, 2015 at 12:04 pm

      A Godly woman is a feminist o. Read Proverbs 31 properly and you will see a strong woman that did not wait for her husband’s instructions to do things for her family. She made things happen by herself. You foolishly believe that a feminist is a rude, male bashing creature and a submissive woman is her husband’s lap dog. You men use African tradition to define the word submission and feministbut in reality, the bible is full of strong women that could be called feminists in this modern era. A Godly woman is both submissive and feminist because when her man fails, (and it will definitely happen, are you not men again?) She stands in the gap and takes charge.

  34. yeye

    January 25, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    Do you know what? Hollywood romance/ happy ever after movies are the enemy. You go out on the dating scene thinking Romance should be like a b c d. But no body can live up to that unrealistic expectation and it hardly ever happens like that in real life.
    The scare of commitment is real, and no one is perfect, But how do you decide on what to compromise on? I found a reality show that aired in the Us ‘Married at first sight’ quiet helpful think some of the ladies here might do too.

  35. emperor ruffy

    January 25, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    my dear wake up…..no one is perfect. not even you with your list!

  36. D Main Man

    January 25, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    I believe n dreams oh but just expect less so that when it comes you are thankful, From your List ‘ AM SPECIAL” you cast a dark shadow on the whole thing because you have told yourseIf you are special, in most cases special people are modest to the core that they don’t even remember how special they are, AGAIN wait to see the LIST of that your Dream SPECIAL MAN, You will find out that you may not make his own criteria too. MOST successful, brilliant, educated and first class men don’t really do love, wont even have time for Romance, is either he’s here today the next day he’s in another continent. QUIT BUILDING CASTLES IN THE AIR.

  37. Sue

    January 25, 2015 at 7:26 pm

    I thought I was the only one..

  38. Marvel

    January 25, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    I beg to differ with Bruno and Winnifred as I have never not had a lover write love notes and send cards. I am not romantic but for some reason, my dates in the past read to me, compiled seriously nauseating tunes. Why would I lie that they don’t exist? Perhaps you don’t meet them because of your nature. I am certain you must have heard “na flower I go chop?”. Then the same people whine that such men don’t exist. I believe in consistency and just being nice. No games, no jazz, just be yourself. if no light, you get a gen. If he doesn’t come, go and find him. Broaden that search. There are men outside the capital and Nigeria as a whole. My neighbours here in Lagos met via an online dating website and have an old fashioned lovely marriage.

    • Nahum

      January 26, 2015 at 12:08 pm

      We are not referring to dates, but husbands. Marriage is a whole different ball game, I dont know why single men and women dont get this. In marriage the reality is there will hardly be time for love notes and prancing about on the ceiling. If you want a successful marriage you need to be more realistic if not you are setting yourself up for major heartbreak

  39. SEEN ALL

    January 25, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    Until your prince charming arrive can you please stop watching romantic movies? My own reason is that I can’t seem to love any man the way I love myself.

  40. Sisi

    January 25, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    Hmmm, those turning the big 30 are scared, I’m turning 29 in some weeks and it freaks me out.

  41. Ib

    January 25, 2015 at 7:57 pm

    This kind of articles are annoying to say the least Is this what life is all about? Im tired of all this ” why am I single”,”why doesn’t he love me” blah blah blah… kind of articles. Jesus please give people lives.

    • Ib

      January 25, 2015 at 7:58 pm

      These*

  42. Chinco

    January 25, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    I agree with u on the first 4 reasons except the love part…yes I’m that cynic that believes marriage is a nice contract, you are lucky if u get someone you are compatible with and you still get all those gooey feelings. I believe its about being with someone one is compatible with and who understands what marriage is about. Lovey dovey will gradually fade. @Bruno why are u always on about women being bitter and alone, I’m sure you are not married yourself so you may just be reflecting your own fears

  43. papermoon

    January 25, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    your standards are indeed high but I believe God made u dat way. now u have to kneel at his feet and pray for him to get you your type of man, then u will be a testimony to people like u who will not settle. to each his/her own burden, that may be yours.

  44. Tj

    January 25, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Love from lala land.

  45. tutu

    January 25, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    I wouldn’t tell you to lower your standards but some things are more important than others. What are the things you can live with, what are the things you can’t. I had to write a list of the basics that my husband must have and things that aren’t that important and i’m happy now. My fiance has all the basics, I’m excited he’d be the father of my kids but he’s not 10/10. e.g Basics: Christian, Has personal relationship with God, Honors people, has a vision for his life, Purpose driven, Team-no-sex-before-marriage etc Things I would have loved; tall, dark, handsome, rich, extremely romantic etc…

    • tunmi

      January 26, 2015 at 12:39 am

      I absolutely agree with you. Out of this list, what can you not compromise on (it’s a serious discussion with yourself but one you must have), and what can you compromise on. I was reading evanmarckatz one day and he wrote that your significant other will not be 100%. I recommend the poster read it: evanmarckatz.com/blog/chemistry/my-boyfriend-is-wonderful-but-not-ambitious-or-successful/

      Can you get the intellectual stimulation from other people? The independence, keep it (that’s a must). The no premarital sex (keep it). The romanticness (okay), fear of commitment (that’s in your court). But you do need to look hard and truthfully at what really matters.

      This part of katz’s reply stuck to me, “The ability to quote Proust pales in comparison with the person who will drive you to your chemo treatments in thirty years.” And my current SO is that person. I love intelligence, I find it sexy but I have Jeopardy, facebook groups, Bella Naija, Twitter, and other friends for that. SO is brilliant when it comes to cars, he’s more like a mechanic than a mechanical engineer and I am never going to attempt to change that about him. He loves me and he shows it. Another thing to look for is the 5 love languages. I appreciate someone who does the dishes/make dinner before I get home than someone who buys me flowers for my birthday (na present for the soil be dat) so I appreciate Acts of Service and Quality Time over all else. Also, the Briggs-Meyers test to help give an insight into your personality, what excites you and what rubs you off. I’m INTJ and SO has learned to respect my solitude and my “time in my head”. Now he understands it as “she needs to wind down” not “she’s cold and doesn’t care”.

      So that is the article, 5 love languages, and Briggs-Meyers. The more you understand yourself, the better you know what you want and what you can realistically attain. Happy 30th

    • mz_daniels

      January 26, 2015 at 10:40 am

      In addition to that dear, understand that your personality might just attract the opposite of who you are. I am extremely emotional and love to talk and cuddle. Infact, my love language is talking and cuddling ( think they call that touch or something, can’t remember) and quiet, calm men with a strong resolve have always been madly attracted to me. Infact, if you’ve spoken 20 sentences the day you meet me, there’s a huge likelihood you’ll end up in the friend zone. I realized later, that it was God’s way of bringing someone who will complement me. While I get scared and panic and talk a 100 to a dozen, he will listen, calmly and force me to respect myself by just listening and staying calm. But at the beginning, I found out I quarreled with my boyfriends cos they didn’t call enough and when I called them they wanted to know the problem they were to solve. ( Practical people are like that). I spoke to my mum about this and she goes ‘God gives us what we NEED, be thankful you’re attracted to people who can live with you. The ones who will talk all the time with you do not complement your personality. Teach that guy to talk to you’ My ex and I have broken up, but I became a better woman because of him, he would pack my bags before we went out because he knew I would forget things at home, he would expertly change a subject if he suspected I was getting emotional and while he loved to sleep in the afternoons while I loved to gist about what was showing on ‘E, style or BET’, we reached a compromise, he would sleep for an hour and then we could talk about whatever was on T.V. Heard him talking about ‘How do I look’ to a female friend and smiled when he said ‘My girlfriend hates watching T.V alone, so my siesta is cut short each day but it makes her happy and has made us close’. Funny thing is the relationship ended because I was sooooo stubborn. What I’m trying to say dear is, approach relationships with the best of intentions, being flexible and ready to adapt. God sewed coats for Adam and Eve after they disobeyed.

  46. t1

    January 25, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    This is just a reality for being single, The standards might look not if this world but exist in some men today. May God help us all.

  47. Carliforniabawlar

    January 25, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    Believable….until you meet a girl who’s all these things (&more) and still in a loving relationship…Then the REAL girl’s ‘why i’m still single’ surfaces, and here it goes:

    I waited too long, messed a couple of good relationships up and now it seems all the good guys are taken.

    I’m too good for the guys i attract, and the guys i’m attracted to are too good for me.

    Guys seem to be into big butts these days…i’ve got a flat arse

    I’m too skinny, if only my hips were curvier, brother Edmond would have ‘chosen’ me over sister Angela.

    I’m fat. No correct guy likes a fat girl.

    Ermm…I think my personality might be off.

    I’m super pretty but i don’t think i’m smart enough to roll with him and his enlighntened friends.

    I’m just not pretty/attractive enough.

    The witches in my village might be doing me (+/- spirit husband things)

    These and more are the real fears and thoughts ladies have…your article above? Thats what we tell nosy Aunties, friends and also tell ourselves for a healthy self-esteem….nothing wrong with that though.

  48. Pius Christiana

    January 25, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    You are not alone, just review your thoughts.

  49. Noms

    January 25, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    This so relates to me.
    I turned 30 last week and you need to see some of the messages and phone callsI received from family and friends .
    Do not select too much. . .
    When are we coming to eat your rice?
    The next cake we cut will be at your wedding this year.
    All these and lots more.,not that they are bad in actual sense but the undertone makes me wonder if my case is really finished. . .
    Number 3 on your list is really a major challenge.

    I’m not expecting 100% for MISTER because I’m not.
    I know about people being connected and I look forward to connecting with him.
    @30, I very well know love is always not enough but friendship plus the special help from God is key.
    I’m really not so buoyant @the moment and if the package comes with a fat wallet, Hallelujah.
    Marriage will come and I know with the right one.
    My mum barely ends our phone conversations this year without saying she is praying for me and that my wedding is one of her projects this year.
    I really really want to be happily married but the way folks of mine address my issue e be like say them come like the marriage pass me.
    I know I will get married in God’s time to a good man and we will live happily ever after and I also know I’m not asking for too much.

  50. eniola

    January 25, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    Me to a T!!

  51. all4lyf

    January 25, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    @jennyfer: There is nothing wrong in dating a man younger than you with 2years,as far as it doesn’t bug either of you. I am in it and we are both happy.
    I have my dream man who is tall,dark,handsome,godly,romantic and comfortable for now,ask me if he is perfect and I will give u a capital “NO” cos I am in no way perfect too.

  52. MIDES HOMES N EVENTS

    January 25, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    Ladies, I think we need to slow down on our ideas on how our partners should love and display their love to us, we must realised that they also have an idea on how we should love and display our love to them too. Let’s take out time to read one of the articles on BN-LOVE IS NOT AN IDEA. I have come to realise that true love is your ability to work as a team with your partner, ability to sacrifice, ability to bend to accommodate each other excess(being selfless), imagine both partners being selfless and not uptight to their idea of love, what a great relationship and marriage it will be.
    Nice write up! Some of your reasons r genuine n good; some you can incorporate in your relationship for instance the note dropping, the surprises , then u can tell him u love things like that ( even, if you dont tell him, hopefully he will understand your type of love language) n soon u will be treated the way you have always dreamt. Above all humility is key, it is the fragnance of every woman that wants to attract that dream guy.

    • Liv

      January 26, 2015 at 1:06 am

      Nice one. Don’t know where we get the notion that Hollywood romance is love.

  53. chique

    January 25, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    My concern for you and your ‘team 30-35 years single and happy’ is that how lonely depressed and fustrated you’ll be without a child at 60 years and above. Do you guys ever think of that? My mum once told me that life is hard enough so adding loneliness and no body to call your own at old age will make matters worse. old age is not childs play so you need to invest in your future now by doind the need ful. Forget it stop pretending and trying too hard just find some one who is 60 percent and leave the rest. I am sure if a reasonnable guy rates you you may not be up to even this 60 percent! And did I remind you that its a mans world especially in this clime?? Think twice!!

  54. Shawlar

    January 25, 2015 at 10:08 pm

    I am 22, and since i decided to not settle for less i hv been single but i knw cos am doing right by my God my husband would get to me, nw dt i hv decided no sex befor marriage there r alot of men flocking around me for reasons best known to them, apparently d idea of a smart, hardworking girl that wont jst open her legs for any man is appealing to the, so writer i wld encourage u to do right by God and all dt u hv listed in a man wld be urs, i hv decided to live like a princess dt i am cos my father is d king over all the earth, and am going by his reality nt by humans, so to all of you that keep tlkn abt lowering standards, if u probably got married by lowering ur standards, dis is a question for u, ARE YOU HAPPY

    • CurvesAndEdges

      January 26, 2015 at 8:50 am

      Dear Shawlar, before you say you are lowering your standards, make sure (and yes, check with wiser, older, Godly people whose marriages you admire) that your standards are realistic in the first place. You are 22, please do not look at this write up as inspiration. One exception would be the holding off sex until marriage part – to each his own, but it’s a good aspiration for many reasons. Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

  55. kimmy

    January 25, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    I pray u won’t count up to 40

  56. Femi

    January 25, 2015 at 11:15 pm

    Lol a 30yr old woman is waiting for romantic notes on Monday mornings! Buhahahahahaha! This is just too ridiculous! Butterflies? Knees wobbling? At 30? Ah! Dem don finish u from village be dat!

    • Olori Tari

      January 26, 2015 at 1:36 am

      LMFAOOO you BellaNaijarans kill me. I don’t know which part has me rolling of laughter but I can’t stop laughing. Diaries God in everything you are doing. Kontinu you hear? Kontinu.!

      But wait a minute? Why have you made 30 seem like 65? Even a 65 years old woman deserves the very best In life and well, the best can start from getting Romantic notes on a dull Monday morning. So Warn Yasef o.

  57. nonye

    January 25, 2015 at 11:58 pm

    I’m so with you hun

  58. nkem

    January 26, 2015 at 12:37 am

    Correct guys don’t like fat girls? What a silly statement. Plus size girls are just as beautiful as smaller girls. Some are even better packaged than skinny girls oh. Bigger girls be getting married steadily

  59. Liv

    January 26, 2015 at 1:02 am

    It’s good you know why you are still single and being honest about it. My advice? Become a bit more realistic. Plus this sentence ticked me off : “I am special because I am different from other girls, there are a few like me out there no doubt but I must say I am not the conventional Nigerian girl. I am way smarter than your average girl and then some guys too.” Why sound so condescending? Yes, you are special in that every human being is special but stop going around thinking you are smarter than many. They are many of us smart independent women, married to smart men and raising smart kids. Smart men exist but the thing is they don’t always have time for the kind of romantic drama you are searching for. And sometimes, they don’t always come in the package you expect.

  60. abike

    January 26, 2015 at 1:21 am

    soory to digress but the babe in the picture looks like LINDA IKEJI. 🙂

    • Anon

      January 26, 2015 at 2:48 pm

      Not in any way.

  61. Belema

    January 26, 2015 at 4:41 am

    @aarya stark’ double high five to you on that, I couldn’t agree with you more, my boyfriend is sapiosexual amongst other things I adore him for. But he hasn’t got the total package which I totally accept, e.g his dress sense is just way way out of it..I remember during the eRly days of our friendship which turned relationship, I wouldn’t let any of my friends see him, yes! That was how bad it was…but he isnt that kind of person that pays much attention to whT he wears….. I encourage him every now and again to put on something nice and he is beginning to get the drift….you can’t get all you want in man oo..plus love/marriage isn’t meant to be perfect sef, look at the bible properly and understand the relationship between Christ and the church….that is what real marriage is!! Sacrifice, betrayal , unconditional love, moments of frustration every now and again but commitment and understanding to stick it through no matter what is what’s important. I would advice you to be with someone who shares the same values with you on marriage and relationships, and off course loves YOU! to the moon and back, not just with mouth, but actions to back it.

  62. vicmajek

    January 26, 2015 at 7:07 am

    i’m with you al the way!!!!

  63. Igbogirl

    January 26, 2015 at 9:56 am

    These comments though! Well,i have not met Mr.Right yet but am packaging myself to be Mrs.Right when he finally comes my way. I refuse and reject any notion that says something is wrong with me cos am single. In my naive sch days, d big Boys used to go for Curvy girls and petite girls(am petite) had to manage the others. Lol. Am more matured and i now know dat relatiionships are not about boobs and asses,lol. I just turned 27,through with my masters and ready to find a satisfying relationship. But wait o, girls would rather hang on to a dysfunctional relationship for fear of being lonely and single. I guess that’s why i am single cos i hate shallowness,drama,bull shits and boy trouble. I just went on a date with a guy that needed me to share very intimate and personal stories on the first date. Boy bye,he never called back and i moved on. Am just waiting to meet a real man worthy of my love. We give men to much credit,am tired of these ‘why i am single tales’, can we just love ourselves and wait for true love?

  64. pipi

    January 26, 2015 at 10:14 am

    To get my attention, you just have to be extraordinary. When we talk it’s got to be intelligent conversation and you better know more about the subject than I do, or else just take a back seat.

    Hian! what if the same guy wants his dream girl to know more than him in some subject areas! what if he is open to learn!
    There is a difference between an intelligent man and a plain i too know.

    Infact I have the perfect match when i mean perfect partner for you his own list for been single matches yours perfectly you guys would be a match made in heaven.

  65. sum1special

    January 26, 2015 at 10:40 am

    To sum these whole article up…she is too uptight thats why she is still single.

  66. Question

    January 26, 2015 at 11:31 am

    Why do some women feel the need to validate themselves?
    Do we really need justify reasons for being single – be it bad market, condition or choice?
    Being single is not a disease! Some find their soul-mate early in life, some later in life and some are destined to be single. Big deal!
    I’d rather be single any day and have peace of mind than be a in an failure of a relationship/marriage. People seem to forget that not all relationships/marriages have a happy storyline.
    Enjoy every stage in life! x

  67. K~

    January 26, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    I think this is a story to get older ladies (including myself) thinking about the ‘reasons’ that our holding us back.

    The positive thing about this article is that it has firmly shown me that I do not want to be single irregardless of what has made stayed single for long.

  68. Someone Naughty

    January 26, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Off topic but why does the girl in the picture look like she was painted black…? Like there’s a coating over her skin… I’ve been staring at the photo for too long…

  69. Stella Kashmoney

    January 26, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Cool post. Hello to the single ladies.

    fashionandstylepolice.com/

  70. Uby

    January 26, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    LOVE this writeup…
    I am 22 years and this is me. I fear I will end up unmarried at an older age.
    I do believe in love, yes the kind of Ifemelu and Obinze’s..
    I am super independent. I am everything you just wrote.
    I am also very pretty and almost every guy I meet keeps telling me, I am too mature for 22. I dont know if it is meant to be a compliment or not.
    Once again, i LOVE THIS WRITEUP….

    • Jo!

      January 26, 2015 at 1:48 pm

      You better calm down, 22 kwa

    • Uby

      January 26, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      And so what? I am 22, done with my masters degree with distinction and currently working in a top Oil and Gas Company… I’m I still 22

    • Aimee

      January 28, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      Hello Uby, I’m the exact same age, academic achievements and all with more or less similar thoughts on marriage. Could we connect? PS I’m female… just seeking meaningful friends

  71. Tos

    January 26, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    and your story line sounds exactly like me, am gonna be 30 in some weeks time…..i used to feel sad about the upcoming birthday just for the fact that am still so single, no bf attached to my name…lol. But of late i have being excited about it, i suddenly wanna celebrate…if not for anything, for the fact i have life, and when there is life there is hope….the one wish i have asked God for this year is a husband, which i believe would happen soonest…..you all should stop acting like being single @ 30 is an incurable disease….instead embrace it, relax, and watch God take you into a world of possibilities…….

  72. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    January 26, 2015 at 2:18 pm

    I believe we all speak from our places of experience and conviction. No one’s opinion is gospel; you take your truths where you find them and move on.

    The world applauded and marched along with it when the rights of women were fought for and won. Now in most countries in the world, women can go to school, vote, own businesses, drive cars, own properties, seat on the board of as many companies as they want, earn the same salaries with their male counterparts, run for offices, be elected and be all they possibly want to be. Thanks to those women, people like you and me can read and write long verbose articles on why we are still single; we can reiterate how with these skills we acquired knowledge and awareness. We also knew of that awesome unique possibility: The element of Choice.

    I would never begrudge anyone’s right to be with whoever they choose be with, let alone dictate what should be the qualifying marks of a potential partner. We however learn and grow in wisdom everyday; but then again, we can choose not to..

    We have moved from one extreme of deprivation to another extreme of self indulgence, smugness, bloated with our sense of importance and a great danger to our true essence. We see our mothers do things for our fathers and refer to them as old school. But is a time tested grace: the art of stooping to conquer. Over your dead body! you declare. But your cash, trinkets, certificates, cars provide cold comfort against the harsh truth of our loneliness

    Its amazing all we can say about someone whose Queen’s English leaves your mouth slack with the missing “s” liberally applied “ed’s” and atrocious use of past tenses but was the only one who loved you enough to pick you at 1:00am, driving all the way from Ojota to lekki to pick you from a mans house whose English had more than the right degree of spree and who treated you to the cold, glacial look only someone with the fine manners of an educated English man (the kind you like) has perfected to an art.

    Its a real humbling moment when we realize that as women, our degrees, professional certifications, bodies, possessions, account balance are our standards of “keeps us together”. How poorer could anyone be? Until we reach out to us, the one we try not to see when we look in the mirror; and minister to her, We would never know our true value and seek the higher need for our partners to fulfill in our lives rather than material love.

    I realize that we are not special. We are just different from each other. Not unique or superior; just different and because of this difference, our expectation from life and each other differ. We may however choose to review our lists, it is not lowering our standards, it is raising the bar and let us always be led by god who always gives good gifts to His children.

    • pipi

      January 26, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      This is the gospel truth! you know the way the samaritan lady heard the goodnews and ran to call people to listen, please copy and spread the word. Infact pleae can you make this comment an article.
      ((Its amazing all we can say about someone whose Queen’s English leaves your mouth slack with the missing “s” liberally applied “ed’s” and atrocious use of past tenses but was the only one who loved you enough to pick you at 1:00am, driving all the way from Ojota to lekki to pick you from a mans house whose English had more than the right degree of spree and who treated you to the cold, glacial look only someone with the fine manners of an educated English man (the kind you like) has perfected to an art.))

      An funny enough most of time is so called list we have is not really our standard but the standard of our peers. My man is better than her man, how can i show this short man to my cousin that has a sixpack american accent husband, what if he says the wrong thing in front of my friends.

      abeg sieve ur list, for what will last over 50 years

    • obitalker

      January 27, 2015 at 9:51 am

      Wow, You are a gifted writer, I hope you know that, your use of words show you up to be talented in that department. Please I hope in real life you create stories and characters and not just words for comments on Bella articles. I just had to call you out! I enjoyed reading your comment, even though I didn’t support everything you wrote but I was so intrigued how you used and left out words to pass across your message. There are really smart people on this site. Very nice.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      January 27, 2015 at 2:46 pm

      Thank you. And thanks for calling me out too.

  73. guest

    January 26, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    I stopped reading at No 3. Sound like women only have sex because a man wants to and we have no urges of our own.

  74. Chi!

    January 26, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    Am wit u on dis girl!i feel u completely!its okay to have dis reasons!ur man will come along girl,soonest!

  75. Different

    January 26, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    I love this article. The number 5 4reason resonates with me. I want to feel the spark, the electricity, I want to marry someone who loves me the way I am, no condescending critism

  76. Different

    January 26, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    Someone who makes me feel at home in his presence. I’d rather stay single than marry without love.

  77. lola

    January 27, 2015 at 9:16 am

    i don’t get bruno and all agreeing with him!!!! from my own understanding the writer is admitting her faults and trying to be better, she had some fairytale believes which reality has made her realised and trying to change and advising others with such believes to also change their orientation #is that a bad thing#

  78. Ivy

    January 28, 2015 at 1:00 am

    Bella naija I must commend very intelligent matured people on this blog.

  79. Sedek

    February 7, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    I want to reiterate what a certain Cocoa on this here blog said, in the comments I mean. Baby, trust in the Lord, with ALL ur heart and lean not on ur understanding. In all ur ways acknowledge him and he shall direct ur paths. That’s all u need. Stay beautiful,and fret not

  80. Mo!

    August 30, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    Wonderful peice!!

  81. The Truth

    December 10, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    Many of us Good men are asking the same thing too.

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