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Beauty For Ashes! BN Reader Priscilla-Joy Shares the Story of Survival After Rape & Abuse as a Child

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It truly is a big deal that I’ve grown to love and accept myself – not only as a human being but as a woman. I remember when I was a little girl, I hated everything about me: from my body to my feelings. The reason why I had those feelings and the fact that I was born female. I thought that my gender defined me, I thought that being a girl meant that I was weak and inconsequential, I looked at my body and felt that God must have made a mistake to put it together to form me if I was born to be a play thing for the male folk from as little as I was back then. I wondered how it was possible that I was made that way – and at the same time, be given the ability to feel what I felt. And yes I felt shame, sometimes anxiety, other times hopelessness and a dreadful panic that maybe I would grow to constantly experience these unwanted and vile sexual encounters with wicked men whose only thoughts were to molest me.
So, I grew up with these thick walls around me that enabled me to keep people at a distance, never allowing anyone to get close enough to know who I really am. I feared that somehow they would discover my secret, and since it’s not a secret I was proud of I protected it with all I had.

I have lived many lives in different cities across the world, even the ones that don’t truly exist, because it was my way of coping with what was happening to me. I would often be lost in thought, weaving my very own happy and grand story about how precious and important I am and how I’m valued – lauded and admired for great accomplishments and for no other reason but just because I’m a human being.

At the time it began, I was just in nursery school with my brothers when our house boy of about early 20s began to sexually abuse me. He said that there was something about me that made him want to touch me and made me swear not to tell anyone, especially my parents. My dad was very strict, and at the time my step sister had gotten pregnant by a boy in her school. Daddy found out and sent her away to her mum at Ogun state. Therefore, if I didn’t want to end up like her, I had to keep shut since my own mother was living with us or I would be driven out and become homeless.

In my young mind I believed that there had to be something wrong with me for him to want to touch me and have sex with me. Initially I didn’t know that what he was doing to me was wrong, but I knew it was painful and it felt like down there was on fire. Being born in a Christian family, my mum constantly preached about God and how he loves children so I often wondered when I got older and understood that what was happening to me wasn’t happening to other girls, why He didn’t save me.

The peculiar thing about my story is that I was also sexually abused by my cousin. I cannot even remember how it began, but he started where our house boy stopped and I saw myself being pulled into hidden corners and sexually abused once again.

All these happened between the age of 5 and 9. These experiences birthed an insecurity in me that would have me grow up with no self-esteem, no self-love and zero confidence in myself. I was consumed with so much anger; therefore I became reclusive and paranoid, believing that everyone was out to hurt me especially the opposite sex. Till this day I still fear people. But I’ve come to see over the years that abuse is a gift that keeps on giving. It affects its victims in very different ways; some go on to live very destructive lives, dabbling in drugs, prostitution, abusive relationships, and so on just to cope. I went on to have very bad experiences to the point that I wished I could die. By the time I left for boarding school at secondary level for the first time, I came home with a little courage that gave me the ability to stand up to my cousin and threaten to kill him if he ever laid a hand on me again.

I was driven to excel in everything I did, just to prove to myself that there was more to me than my body. The people around admired the young, beautiful and intelligent loner, but my inside was a car crash. My friends often wondered why I was alone more than I was in a relationship, I didn’t really have an answer for them, but all I knew was that I was searching for something. An answer was one, information – another; but more so I was restless for more, I was angry. I had no iota of peace in my heart and I was awkward around people. Why would anyone want to be around that?

I often pondered on why I could feel other people’s pain so deeply. I wondered why I could recognise that there’s a somebody in a nobody. It is because I didn’t and I don’t have a self to get in the way. I’m always careful not to talk down or judge a runs girl/prostitute, because I don’t know how God shielded me from that. I could easily have turned out like them, not for money but for lack of self-control and falling prey to sexual predators.

I thought I lacked substance and the fact that I could feel others meant that I had nothing of myself to feel, but the very thing that was a source of shame actually turned out to be a source of enlightenment. So I stopped giving my self-worth so much importance and began to search for peace and a deeper meaning in life instead. That was the beginning of my journey and love relationship with God. Over time and with practice, I’ve tried to live more and more for my essence.

You see, I was too busy trying to make something out of myself, resisting any form of connection with a man at every stage of my life that I didn’t know there was someone who wanted me to just pause for a minute and acknowledge Him, recognise the beauty of His creation and give Him my heart so that He could do wonders with it.

So I stand and call myself woman. God has healed my heart and shown me what a great privilege it is to be born female. I no longer want to be anyone else but me. I thought to tell this story because there just might someone who feels like she’s alone, like her life isn’t worth much. Look to God for rest, give Him your heart. He can do wonders with every little thing that you give Him. Give Him your little.

It is not over until it’s truly over, no matter what your journey has been like, continue to keep faith and hold unto the promise that God laid in your heart. Recognise and trust your process, and don’t ever let anybody tell you that you don’t matter. Look for people who truly see you, who see your heart and accepts all of you because they believe you’re enough. Water seeks its own level; seek out your garden, tend to it and make it beautiful and don’t forget that everyone is fighting one battle or the other. The world needs more encouragers, we have a surplus of critics already.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Serge Bertasius

I'm a French graduate. I'm beautiful. I love to laugh. I love love music and I'm passionate about service, working with under-privileged children, orphans, etc. And I work with an oil servicing firm

80 Comments

  1. aaryastark

    March 5, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    Thanks for sharing your story and wish you all the best in the future. only Christ can love us.

    • Bleed Blue

      March 7, 2015 at 10:43 am

      How is this even possible? That someone can live a life almost identical to yours?

      Age 5 – 9. The years I have locked up and thrown the key up to The Father.

      And now reading this….sigh… Peace. Be still.

  2. Tosiin

    March 5, 2015 at 9:36 pm

    This article just lifts my spirit up …

  3. @edDREAMZ

    March 5, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    Is gud to voice out ur pain and am happy yu have overcomed it…..
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  4. mzhadey

    March 5, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    His name is olubunmi -, He raped me for 7 years. I told those who birthed me three years ago but they would not fight for me neither would they help me through it. Life has not been fair to me. I am tired and nothing seems right. #prayforme

    • Uuu

      March 5, 2015 at 10:00 pm

      I will surely pray for you. Sometimes our loved ones are the ones who disappoint most but guess what they don’t know how to help but mask it with their egos

    • Akpeno

      March 5, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      I commend you for saying his name. I wish more Nigerian women will speak out about rape. My Prayer for you is that God heals you mentally, physically and spiritually. Also if you can find someone (Professional help) to help you along the way it would go a long way. Saying this here also helps with the healing process.
      It is not your fault you got raped and shame on your family members for not supporting you.
      God Bless you.

    • kathy

      March 6, 2015 at 7:32 am

      Don’t live for them, live for you. Parents fail us but the almighty God is always by you. Dont wallow much in self pity, get up, be strong, don’t let olubunmi destroy your whole life. Fight the memories. I wish I could be your friend. Be a fighter, God has got your back.

    • Amaka

      March 6, 2015 at 3:28 pm

      Thanks sooo much Kathy for the encouraging words. Am moved.

    • rainbow me

      March 6, 2015 at 8:24 am

      Oh baby,u will be fyn,oky,d best z coming,honey,we here on BN love u nd God loves u too

    • anonymous

      March 6, 2015 at 10:26 am

      Dearie, I would have commented with my pseudonym but bestie knows that already so I’ll tell you this. It happened for me between the ages of 5 & 10 and when he repented, he told me I seduced him. Didn’t tell my mum so I’d have hurt her so bad. The hardest thing for me is at a point, I began to enjoy it but still felt dirty and became a tomboy hating to look beautiful cos I felt I had an evil in me ( till today, close friends don’t understand why I easily get irritated at compliments and masculine advances).

      Getting into the University and falling in love at 17, I couldn’t have sex normally and when I discussed with my insensitive boyfriend at the time, he told me I have always been bad from my childhood. When I eventually had sex normally, I became adventurous, I’ve passed that phase in my life right now but this babe can do anything. Now, I’m a better person, I can’t be in a relationship with someone who isn’t as adventurous as I am. I battled depression, low self esteem etc and WON. Notice the choice of words cos it’s indeed a battle for your destiny. So i hope the words below help:

      1. Ask God for help; You need to experience him as the healer and lover of your soul.
      2. Forgive both the guy and yourself; It wasn’t your fault but even if it was, God forgives you.
      3. Be Thankful for the experience; trust me, you’ve gained a lot from this. You’re more emotionally alert than the regular folks ( some peeps can’t understand how I can get anything from anyone. I’m so alert to emotions and deep issues; are you a snitch, jerk, liar, in pain,I’ll sense it loong before others and my bosses have come to trust my evaluation). If you look closely, there are things to be thankful for. You’ll also be a strong person and can stand alone if need be; all these famzing or staying with people who don’t matter are not for babes like us.
      4. Trust that God is working out something beautiful out of this; When I had my painful experiences, I started writing. The abusive relationship also got me writing. Today I’m a columnist on this blog and will start my show soon.
      5. God Loves and approves of you. Never doubt that.

      Also know that the battle for your life was won by Jesus a long time ago

    • nnidawi

      March 6, 2015 at 10:58 am

      God will strengthen you and put your abuser to shame. Hang in there and keep pushing forward dear. We pray for you.

    • memmie

      March 9, 2015 at 7:20 am

      Remember there is a balm in Gilead who can also fight for u. Talk to him. I ll also pray for u

  5. anonymous

    March 5, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    why do i feel this is me??? at 27 even though i don’t have a job, i’ve got so many certificates most of my peers don’t have.. i keep reading to prove myself. most times i’m seen as a snub and too blunt cos i don’t care anymore and say my mind.. so i don’t have so much friends.. was once diagonised with bi-polar when in actual fact i’m haunted by all that happened to me as a child… sometimes i just feel God is somewhere waiting to heal me cos i feel so empty after achieving each educational feat… Lord please heal me.

    • Geegee

      March 5, 2015 at 10:49 pm

      Hugs dear. This is the beginning of your healing by even voicing it out. Just deal with your emotions one at a time and don’t let it control you. Education doesn’t really validate one as you said and you been blunt is a way of masking or suppressing your emotions rather that dealing with it. It can be painful dealing with such emotions but you have too before you can overcome. Prayer and talking to the right people could help. God bless u dear.

    • kell'O

      March 6, 2015 at 7:06 am

      God loves you so much, just wait and see what He has in store for you…*hugs*

    • BESTRONG

      March 6, 2015 at 12:19 pm

      Dear, this exactly happened to me. i was abused by females. IT went on for years. i didnt know any better. At a point i thought i was a lesbian and maybe this was what i was supposed to be. It ended during my senior years in secondary school., they prolly saw i was grown up and it just stopped. But i was badly damaged. I dint even know i was. I realised i wasnt a lesbian because i started dating boys and basically the thought of other females in reality made me sick. I had a choice and so i stuck with males.
      I couldn’t keep a relationship. I started working and couldn’t hold down a job for too long and i got easily bored and dint see why i had to make an effort at the job. But for a weird reason, i always excelled at interviews and was never jobless for too long. i was a recluse growing up but i decided to make the effort to keep friends and sustain the relationships. So i became very loyal, i feel for people and love unconditionally now because i realized i have to fight for the good things i want in my life. My current job now, i wonder how i even got it, but i have been on it for some months and i have made up my mind to stick with it for a year atleast.
      I am very blunt, my friends will say i am rude but they know i mean no harm because i love fiercely.

      My point is this, you have to turn all these negatives to positives. i did it and dint even know how and when. What happened to you is not your fault. Don’t let it dictate how your life turns out. Don’t compare your self to others.

      I am 28 and just getting my life together but because i decided to actually make the effort to be lovable, kind, loyal, loving, everything is moving at warp speed. Please dont give up. Its not too late. Just try. There are still days i wake up in the morning and remember what my past was like cos my dreams attimes serve to remind me, but i call God and say, Sir we need to talk. You gotta do something to make me feel better. I am trying but You gotta help me because i have no one to tell my past, He alone knows and saved me.

      I have written an epistle. LOL. Just dont give up. This life can be beautiful. XO

  6. Uuu

    March 5, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    Wow, foremost I am glad you were able to share and hopefully heal even if it is one person out there, you touch. I don’t have your experience, however I did learn a lot from it. God will heal you completely especially of the fear of men

  7. D

    March 5, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    God bless you for sharing and am thankful to him that you have come out of this strong. The so many cases of sexual abuse to both male and female kids in our society especially by ‘trusted’ persons is truly a source of concern and no parent should feel completely safe, you cannot be too careful when it comes to protecting your child.

  8. Olivia

    March 5, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    I’m so glad you shared this, I was also molested by my cousin when I was really young. Not too sure what age but I know I was under 7 years old. I never told a soul and can’t really say why u never did…..maybe he had threatened me who knows.
    I had a breakthrough when I got pregnant and found out I was pregnant with a girl. Hubby travelled out of the country and it was just me and my emotions and I just lost it. I was scared of bringing a little girl into this world. I went to work on that day and lost it. I cried like someone had died then I called my parents and told them. They were pissed and questioned why it took so long to tell anyone. Boy was I mad at them? No one will understand until they have been in the situation.
    I’m glad I spoke up eventually because everyone in the family heard about it. And it was like being set free from a bondage because he no longer had power over me.
    His secret was out and he’s supposedly an mfm member. With all the prayers,success has never crossed his path and they wonder why? My father told him he would have to confess in front of the church for the lord to forgive him.
    Sorry for my ramblings but child abuse gets my blood boiling.

  9. Leah

    March 5, 2015 at 11:08 pm

    I swear I almost vomited when I got to the “house boy” part. Terrible how some societies including parents blame young victims for these acts. I admire your strength and more power to you sister.

  10. Chinwe Aniche

    March 5, 2015 at 11:08 pm

    I am going to come out and speak up about women being molested and Raped in Nigeria. I was 6yrs old when mine started. I lived in Enugu where i was born and it started with a next door neighbor who i used to play soccer with his son. My mom basically told me to go and play soccer because i was athletic as a child. I enjoyed playing soccer with my neighbor his name was Nnaemeka. There was a Hausa man who lived there who took interest in touching my flat chest and rose bud chest. My mother would still send me to go over there and play and i pretty much started crying and said no i was never going back there again. For a child who liked playing soccer with her childhood friend to not want to go to her friend and play was odd. I told my mother there was a man there who was touching my boobs. she basically went over there and asked to be given a knife to slash his dick off for touching her little girl. Another one happened with people in the church. My mother was always a church going lady and all this deliverance took place in this church based out of Nigeria. She was always doing stuff for the church and letting ministers come to the house and cook for them all in the hopes of going to heaven. The one minister she brought into the house took interest in me at age 9. He took me to a bedroom in my mothers home and made me look at his rising manhood. He was like i will take you to Portharcourt and marry you. I said no i want to stay with my mother here in Enugu. Needless to say since then, my fear of African men or dark skinnned men has increased. Thanks to God i have become a successful woman today, i still enjoy track and field and soccer but still love Men. I just hope that people who have young children boys and girls should keep an eye and look for signs of molestation. Even if someone has a daughter, teach them self defense and make sure they speak up for themselves. The problem with Nigerian is that they demand so much respect that if a child sees something wrong, they wont really speak up which is so wrong. I am 31yrs old and if i do have children i will make sure that i teach them to speak up, intelligent and love sports. I still will kick the balls of a man who tries to rape at any age. I will even buy a gun if i have to. Last of all, use correct judgement.

  11. Theresa

    March 5, 2015 at 11:55 pm

    Hmmm… what can I say? I too was abused by those who were meant to love and protect me, my own family members and even strangers. Like many people have said, my worth was in shambles, my validation came from academic performance and being seen as successful. I was a loner and a bookworm with a thirst for fairytales and dreaming. Which in turn made me less hardworking academically and further worsened my self-esteem.

    I thought marriage and motherhood would save me, but it almost destroyed me and I almost destroyed them. Because I never developed relationships early on, I could barely cope with taking care of my own family. I became depressed and almost suicidal. BUT God rescued me and made me see beyond the abuse to the beauty that can come out of it.

    God HATES abuse, He passionately hates it when a strong person or even a strong organization takes advantage of a vulnerable or weak one. And make no doubts about it, He will punish abusers, especially the unrepentant ones. But if we turn to Him out of our broken and crushed spirit, He gives us life like never before. We become passionate about the pain of others and want to make a difference. Some of the most charitable people in the world are those who have suffered great pain too.

    To all who have suffered abuse as children or even as adults, I implore you, don’t feed on the bitterness, it will destroy you and your relationships. Most abusers were also abuse victims: hurting people hurt others, please end the vicious cycle. Come to the River of Life and find healing, liberty and strength. God is both father and mother, His love for us is unconditional and He longs to wrap His arms of love around us and bind our broken hearts. He will make beauty out of the ashes, and give us dancing instead of mourning. Like Joseph in the Bible who was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers but later became prime minister and eventually saved them from starvation, what was meant for our harm will lead to our salvation and that of others.
    I am a living proof of that.
    May God bless all abuse victims and lead us to everlasting love that soothes and repairs all harm, amen.

  12. fleur

    March 6, 2015 at 12:06 am

    Parents, beware. Never trust your children with cousins, even their age mates. The problem is that you never know which child is being abused and whether that child will practice on your kids. I struggle with my kids because i wont leave them in a situation that is not monitored by many such as a day care. Only God can help us. Too many pervs around. Cant get over the man of God story.

  13. Glamorous

    March 6, 2015 at 1:55 am

    Not one, not two, not four, not five, not seven, not nine ( okay i think you get my point now) molested me in one form or another while growing up. from uncles, to houseboys, to company workers, to cooks, to drivers to family doctors to a student pastor who came spend few nights at our house(I remember his name actually – God’s Power, GP for short…..lol )Its something I sort of got used to after a while. I knew it was wrong but was not wise enough to speak up. I can’t remember how old I was when the first incidence happened but I can relate to some of the writers experience described in the article. I think it stopped when I was 10yrs. Very horrible. I grew up resenting men. I had made my mind that even If I got married it would not be for the right reasons. It affected the way I looked at men. Till today any time I see a little girl playing with a guy who isn’t her brother or father I imagine crazy things. I confessed my sins to a man of God and gave my life to Christ when I was 12 and my life has truly not been the same since then. Its a gradual process. But just always choose love instead of hate. No one in my family is aware and I honestly don’t feel there is any need for them to know right now. I am so much in a place of peace right now. Just thought I should share. I shall educate my daughters and be very mindful of the male species around her and offcourse pray. History will not repeat itself!

    • kell'O

      March 6, 2015 at 7:07 am

      It is well with you dearest.

  14. *curious*

    March 6, 2015 at 1:59 am

    just simply beautiful Priscilla-Joy. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  15. tunmi

    March 6, 2015 at 3:18 am

    This is one step to healing, being able to talk about it even if we are just typing and replying one another. Sociology & psychology hat on: abuse tends to drive victims to excess in both good and bad ways. One is the excessive work, that drive to be successful (it’s different from the healthy desire for accomplishment). The other is falling into drugs and sex to cope. Both are coping mechanism because you just want to get away from the memories. I remember being driven and intentionally keeping myself busy to the point of damaging my health all with the excuse of “I like being busy”. Yeah I knew why I liked it so I didn’t have time to think about those things. That that were done to me and things I did. I am still learning to process and handle it.

    I can recount 3-4 instances of abuse. The guy who rented a room at the mosque next door in Mushin, the religious leader at Ilekewu (different mosque), the woman who lived near my grandma, and possibly an uncle. All before age 11. And then of course trying to make sense of it at that age, I shudder to think how many kids and how much damage.

  16. bluebell

    March 6, 2015 at 5:53 am

    A truly informative article. Thanks for sharing and raising awareness about this atrocity committed against defenceless young victims. It sets my blood boiling when I think te perpetrators of this sickening vile act are left free to violate over and over again. Thank u for giving a voice to the silent victim. Parents need to be vigilant. Talk to your children don’t just palm them off to house helps , uncle Johnny walker, and Co. Respect has to be earned , teach you children about their body parts and what to do if anyone touches them. ANYONE. Tell them exactly what you will do to anyone that touches them . Let them know how precious they are and how you value their taught and opinions. Please,never be dismissive, the perpetrators of this wickedness bank on parents not acting. That is why they have the fing audacity to commit this evil right under the noses of parents. I would really like to castrate one of these things. Humanly under general aesthetic, cut of 3 fingers from each hand and tattoo paedophile on their foreheads. Then set them free. That way they will always remember what they did. And the burden of forgiveness will be placed on them.

  17. Wendy

    March 6, 2015 at 7:29 am

    Waay too many of us were abused as children in Nigeria. I was embarrassed to tell my partner in fear that I might be rejected. I was scared to tell friends because hey! that’s just not the coolest thing but now I confidently say it and it marvels me when they reply with “oh, I was abused too by…”… I, We are not alone.

    I had compartmentalized mine so much, since I was about 7/8. I didn’t think about it. I wasn’t sure it was real until I attended a Vagina Monologues session in University abroad. It dawned on me as people told their story. I faced my reality then and there and I was grateful to God that my scars were not deep.

    Some are scarred forever if they even survive the torture…

    Child abuse needs to be taken seriously in Nigeria!!!

    • deb

      March 6, 2015 at 11:39 am

      tell your partner dear. he should know if you can tell that he cares so much about you. it truly is a shame to know so many young people in Nigeria were molested as children. my first experience was at age 5, sometimes i wonder if it was before then. it still scares me sometimes. it stopped when i learned how to kick a guy in the balls, starting from age 7. nonetheless i felt flawed and broken, but i found God , made peace with myself, and now i have a man that simply adores me. i told him about my childhood and what i went through, and it’s brought us closer too. so tell your partner.

  18. sunshine

    March 6, 2015 at 8:01 am

    The truth really has a way of setting us free…thank you so much for sharing this story, priscilla joy, you have given a voice to the stories of so many others who for so long have been unable to share theirs. I would also like to advise my sisters out there, that along with seeking God for spiritual healing, we should also consider some form of psychotherapy as sexual abuse causes arrested development which leads to the difficulties most abused people have in creating and maintaining relationships. I sincerely hope BN focuses on sharing more positive stories like these going forward. Bless.

  19. ACE

    March 6, 2015 at 8:12 am

    God bless your heart and give you peace and Enjoy eternal. The wicked shall not go unpunished. Its well.

  20. chioma

    March 6, 2015 at 8:26 am

    This piece got me.. I can’t stop crying because i was raped by my cousin at gun point, I tried to scream but he had a loaded gun with him. I hated guys, my self -esteem, self worth, confidence, playful, cheerful life went down to level zero.. I became a lone ranger, i couldn’t tell my parents but the day i did tell them I regret it till today because they made feel it was my fault that I was raped, I found love after so many years in a guy, I told him my story, he loved me but at some point he started demanding for sex whenever I decline, he brings up that incident.. I vowed never to have sex till I get married, I broke up with the guy after doing crazy things with him just because I didn’t want to lose him and because I lost my self worth, i read everything and anything just to gain knowledge as it is my way of forgetting the past.. Am very scared of going into another relationship as the few i tried after my first boyfriend all turned out the same, they always made me feel like i don’t deserve love and happiness.. I found God, i pray to him every day on the behalf of my cousin and all who hurt me.. I still struggle with staying strong in God because these things that hurt me always come up whenever I feel happy and I just get depressed and lock myself in my shell of self pity and hatred.. I know one day it will all pass away and I will see that man who will love me and help me build up my self esteem and self worth..

    ,

    • Ada

      March 6, 2015 at 10:12 am

      Boo *hugs* trust in the Lord always. X

    • deb

      March 6, 2015 at 11:55 am

      God is your strength dear. and yes, you will meet that man who will love and cherish you one day. never mind how your parents reacted to your telling them, let your focus be on God and trust him to heal you from everything you’ve gone through and make you whole. then he’ll send the man He’s found worthy of your heart to you. i can say this because He did it for me. i’m glad you’re praying for your cousin, i prayed for my uncle too, so i can say you’re on the right track dear. it is well with you.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      March 6, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      Let me share with you something I learnt from the book, “Secrets of an Irresistible Woman” by Michelle McKinney Hammond. They are not from a traumatic sexual experience, however; but I ask that you open your heart.

      I learnt to attach Bible verses to every part of my body. I would stand in front of the mirror every morning, look myself dead in the eye and recite these verses. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Try saying, “Out of (insert name here), perfect in beauty, God shines forth” (Psalm 50:2) and see if the devil would not show up with counter thoughts and facts to make you feel stupid. But you know what? God’s word says. “It is the Spirit that quickens; the flesh profits nothing. The words I speak to you, they are Spirit and they are Life (John 6:63). God’s word came alive on me and I was transformed into someone I always suspected I was, but never knew I could be.

      Look for verses that specifically mention that part of the body and speak it to yourself. For example, “Let thine eye be single; if therefore thine eye be single thy whole body shall be full of light (Matthew 6:22) Or, “Open my eyes so that I may behold wondrous things out of thine law (Psalm 119:18). It would take time to memorize it all. But don’t fail to call them up anytime, even if they are partial verses. You will find that the parts you remember are the ones your heart desperately needs to hear.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      March 6, 2015 at 5:03 pm

      May I also mention Joyce Meyer to everyone who is going through this.. If you didn’t know, she was sexually molested by her father for 15 years. Her mother knew about it but did nothing to help because she needed help too. Please listen to her messages on YouTube and read her books. “Battlefield of the Mind’, “Living Beyond your Feelings” and of course, “Beauty For Ashes” come readily to mind. She is 72 now, a grandma and lives her life fully with the bad and all. I am currently re-reading “Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits”. You can join me when you can.

      Cheers!

    • papermoon

      March 6, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      Chioma, u will not find PEACE AND SELF WORTH when someone decides to accept u and love you as you are. You will only find PEACE and CONFIDENCE when you acknowledge all the things that have happened to you and you still manage to tell yourself “CHIOMA, I LOVE YOU!” You keep saying this to yourself till you believe it…that is when u stop condemning urself. only then will you be ready to love someone else. And pray for holy spirit to remind u dat u love and accept yourself; and also to remind u that Jesus loves you. If you truly love urself you won’t seek validation outside urself and u will better appreciate wat it is dat Jesus did for u and u will never condemn urself again. I pray God teaches u to “LOVE CHIOMA”

  21. aunty

    March 6, 2015 at 8:45 am

    Yep,yep, yep…..God so saved me,wen I was lil,my cuzin”s son,we r abt d same age, he introduced me to sex,u knw little children”s injection play naw bt he dint get to penetrate nd so others,i strtd doing “it” bt dy dint penetrate cuz dy cudnt ejaculate nd d one hu could,twas painful for me,so he dint penetrate nd my family frend introduced me into lesbianism,wen I was to enter jss2,i told my parent,dad,d Holy spirit made me talk dt day,dt day was terrible cuz I told my dad in a way dt I was willing,he beat me with turning stick,i dnt even blame me nd I dnt like seeing d pple involved cuz I tink dy wil spoil my future,till today,parents dnt knw dt it was my family member dt strtd it,so yh,i can stil call my self a virgin …….shebi?!!!!!…..tnk God I dint dwell so much on it,my healing was such miracle nd I knw God z gonna heal every oda percn out dere…….He loves us still…..

    • Sugar

      March 6, 2015 at 11:47 am

      Hard for me to read your “English”

  22. just

    March 6, 2015 at 8:57 am

    its not just cousins or houseboys. even brothers,step fathers,fathers. i mentioned this becos in my case its my brothers that molested me,one of my friends it was her father the other was her step father

  23. JAYNNE

    March 6, 2015 at 9:29 am

    MY QUESTION IS HOW DO WE PREVENT THIS FROM HAPPENING TO OUR KIDS, THE FUTURE ONES? WHAT CAN PARENTS DO TO MONITOR AND PREVENT THEIR KIDS FROM BEING MOLESTED?

    • Funkyw

      March 6, 2015 at 11:25 am

      These are my recommendations to every parent and guardian;
      1. Build a good relationship with your wards such that they can trust you and communicate all their fears to you.
      2. Ask relevant questions like; Has anybody told you not to tell me anything? What do you do when I’m not around? How do you feel about this aunty/uncle? Does your weewee house pain you?
      Two years ago, we were “gisting” with my cousins (girls of about 4,5, and6 years) and asking questions when we discovered that they were been abused by their help who would ask them to lie on her with their pants down, this was supposed to be a game and they had a name for it. The girls were so used to it, they were doing it in my house.
      3. Lay ground rules like; , Tell me if anybody makes you scared, Never let anybody touch you there, Never enter a room alone with a man, Don’t let anybody see your pant…
      Growing up, one of our ground rules were never hug or sit on a man’s lap, not even your uncle (related by blood)! You don’t even want to try it in the absence or presence of daddy
      4. Always be on your guard, when children are being abused there are some behavioral changes, don’t be too busy to take note of the little things. You should always of an idea of how your child spends 24hours of his/her day. Remember that not just girls are abused, BOYS too. Follow your intuition, we are always been warned, its for us to listen.
      5. Censor what your child is allowed to see, hear, say and do. Some children start by watching x-rated movies. A child that has not been well trained will grow to be “the abuser”
      5. Most importantly, PRAY! It takes the Guidance of the Lord to know how to prevent or help a child that has been abused.

  24. jefka

    March 6, 2015 at 9:43 am

    i wish u all God’s grace and a speedy healing……..
    i hv no such story, i was traumautized when young.
    but God brought my best friend to me (My Jonathan) who has been helping me grow spiritually, mentally and also teaching me to luv myself more.

  25. Rose

    March 6, 2015 at 10:21 am

    I lost the virginity that i have sacrificed almost everything to keep through rape. I thought i was going to die with so much bleeding that lasted for 3days, i couldnt say a thing to a soul cos i didnt knw who to talk to. But i thank God who gave me the strenght to bear it all even though its still fresh in my memory

  26. Genesis

    March 6, 2015 at 11:11 am

    This is a very common occurrence in this country as its not just d female child but even male children are at risk.I tink the answer lies in educating your children right from when they start talking..telling them their body parts and not using code words. Let them know their vagina is off limits and they can report anybody that tries to touch them..I remember when I was 7 I had such an experience with my class teachers brother inlaw, because I was one of her favorite pupils she used to host us @ her place nd give us snacks and the likes. So one day I was sent to my granny’s and I decide to branch at my teachers place first. I got there nd met her absence with only d brother inlaw at home he invited me in, I entered believing that at least he will entertain me with some snacks . That’s how he sat close to me nd started to touch my laps when I moved he said ‘cooperate now’ at that point I just stood up and started shouting I told I was going to shout till d neighbours came if he did not Open the door for me..he was so scared he knelt down nd started begging me but he opened the door. This was someone who I called uncle..I went home crying that day didn’t even go to my granny’s again and told my mum..I thought she was going to beat me but surprisingly she comforted me and told me never to go there again.

  27. UB40

    March 6, 2015 at 11:32 am

    Seems every other woman in Nigeria has got a molestation story. Its such a horrible cycle ranging from teachers, house-boys, uncles, cousins, family-friends, fathers etc. the list is endless
    How do we curb this evil pls?.

  28. Bukola

    March 6, 2015 at 11:50 am

    My name is Bukola, was molested by my older cousin at about 5, didnt rape me tho, told my parent that same day when they got back. at 17, visited a friend who wanted to rape me too, fought for my dignity at about age 21 when a cultist tried to rape me in University, at 25, someone i trusted stupidly, decided to date him but told him straight up i didnt want to have sex, he said its fine, asked that we spend time together, lodged at an hotel, i repeatedly said i didnt want sex and he said its fine, doesnt mean we cant have romance, i agreed, didnt mind, and he took advantage of that and TRIED HARD to rape me, i fought for my life, was tired at a time, but just couldnt give up, then he said his sorry didnt mean it, then he tried again, couldnt even have a chance to use the bathroom, he just waited for every chance he could get. he said things that would have just made me allow him, said things that were horrible, he looked like a monster at a time. glad he didnt succeed in raping me, he said at least am his girlfriend, doesnt really mean he tried to rape me. He then cunningly made me agree not to tell my friend. it messed with my head for about a year until i told someone and i felt a huge relieve. i accept my blame in being so stupid to trust a guy not to try rape me when i was in a relationship with him ( not even up to 2 weeks or 1), stupid of me to think i could allow him touch me everywhere, give him a bj, just to compensate the fact that i didnt want to give him sex….. i accept that blame, i was very STUPID to trust him like that ….. but it was cruel of him to take advantage of my STUPIDITY. Attempted rape alone is a bitch not to talk of actually being raped.

  29. Friday's Other Child

    March 6, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    Really glad that people are starting to speak out about pedophilia in our communities, it’s been swept under the carpet for too long. It’s shocking just how many young children have been and continue to be sexually abused.

    One thing that strikes me in the many stories I read on this subject is how afraid the children were to tell their parents/carers – and so the abuse just carried on. One big lesson for me is how crucially important it is to raise kids in a way that instills confidence in them to share absolutely anything. The people committing these sadistic acts are vile, our parenting methods shouldn’t give them a cover to hide behind and make us complicit.

  30. Tope

    March 6, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    The lord is our strength.

  31. young girl

    March 6, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    His name is Ade- -, Married Father, Architect and child rapist!

    • Geegee

      March 6, 2015 at 4:50 pm

      May the curse of Ade’s action follow him. Now that u have spoken hopefully your healing begins emotionally mentally and spiritually. Sweetheart, if u believe in God I will advise u also pray against soul ties and tranferance of spirit and u will receive your full healing. Stay strong and positive, you will overcome. I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs.

  32. Priscilla-Joy

    March 6, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    I’ve been reading all the comments and they are so heartbreaking………but at the same time IMPORTANT. It’s important that we tell these stories and not keep it locked up because that is where the damage happens. Every one of this story is priceless, out of it can come something exceptional, a wealth of treasure that if channeled properly will go a long way in making big impact in our environment.
    I wish I could give everyone who has gone through the same thing or dealing with one issue or another a big hug in person but I’ll make do with with an e-hug.

    Be good and kind to yourself, have compassion on yourself as you grow; the right people and opportunities will find you and they’ll stay…..you’ll see. And I’m talking to myself also.

  33. Lere

    March 6, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    I used to think i was the only one. Seen myself in alot of stories shared here. Though penetration was not involved in my molestation, till date i do not know what it means to enjoy penetrative sex. For my many years i thought something was wrong until i confronted my demons and met a trully God sent partner who is focused on helping me deal with this part of my life. Not yet there, but everyday seems better than before. Been thinking alot about sharing this with my family, Maybe one day.Love & Light.

  34. titolu

    March 6, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    I shudder at the unbelievable number of people speaking out on how they have being sexually abused at one stage or the other in their lives.
    Thank you for speaking out. This is just a pointer that there are so many more people out there with similar experiences, who are probably so scared, gradually loosing it depression., anger, guilt……and slowly dying inside.

    To those who are still hiding in the shadows with this huge weight on their ‘necks’- you need to know that the problem is not with you. Yes you were/are a victim but yet, you are priceless and loved, the most by God.
    I SAY IT’S TIME TO SPEAK OUT! This evil cum madness must STOP!

    And…I must say, l so love BellaNaIJA, I find such an amazing family in you guyz! #hugs#huge smile#

  35. Adaeze Writes

    March 6, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Wow! This story really touched me as well as the other stories by commenters. God is our strength! We need to rise against pedophilia and fight it to the finish. Women should stop being seen as sex objects. Abuse is really really bad.

  36. Tkum

    March 6, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    cant remember the beast who raped me, cant remember his name either… but one thing is for sure…. i will meet him in dis life again, that is if he is not dead yet. else….

  37. bruno

    March 6, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    priscilla joy, your story has touched me deeply.

    are there social service workers in nigerians?

    many nigerian children who are being molested at home or at school have no place to run to, they have no person to report to.

    some parents know that their child is getting molested by their uncle or cousin etc but they do nothing ,some of them even pretend like nothing is happening. . if u are this kind of parent, shame on you.

    every person who has been molested in the pass should confront their rapist or molester. never ever say, god will judge or I will leave it to god, never ever say that. confront them and tell them you haven’t forgotten what they did to you, make them know they have no power over you anymore. report them , expose them, just do something (be non violent tho, use your words instead) instead of keeping quite.

  38. bruno

    March 6, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    molestation and rape can happen to both male or female.

    child molesters and rapists can be any body, male or female ,uncle or aunty.

  39. D

    March 6, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    I read many of the comments and I have to say I genuinely feel like I lived a sheltered life and my heart goes out to many of these ladies on here who are now being bold and having the courage to speak up. I hope you all find the healing and joy you all deserve. However, this brought a recent conversation to mind, My mum was never a victim of child molestation but had an uncle in her family that was known to molest young female children so she is/was what we now consider HYPER-Sensitive to a point of paranoia. Growing up no man could put us on his lap, if you were not my dad…No way…No cousin, uncle, friend nope, you were not even allowed to grab us by the hand and pull, you could hold our hands but you know all that “Jesus loves you” kind of hold it was arms length. Recently, my late sister’s hubby had complained to my dad that when my mum visited she had told him never to put my niece (his daughter) on his lap because it was not “good” for her. Now we all told her that that was extreme, he is her father and the truth is, for now they are all each other have since my sister’s demise. I sure hope he is not doing anything in appropriate with her and I at least give him that benefit of doubt as her father. But really how do we make sure we don’t over compensate because to be honest I had a tough time knowing how to go about having a platonic relationship with the opposite sex because my mum made us girls see all men as potential predators. I had to and still making a conscious effort to correct that and my lil sister and I still discussed that this Christmas, we both acknowledged that it sure did affect the way we relate with ALL men that are not close family members.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      March 6, 2015 at 5:14 pm

      @D,

      I am very sorry for your loss.
      Death, no mater how many times it visits, is always a fresh stranger.
      May God heal your hearts.

  40. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    March 6, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    I am not going to sit here and pretend to understand what anyone who has gone through this has experienced or is experiencing. I had one random experience, however, when I was 20, when my friend almost raped me but I was not scarred by it. In fact, he went on to become one of my closest, warmest and dependable friends until he came out and confessed his feelings for me were 10 years old and he would like to make me his Missus. I could not be who he wanted me to be, so we sort of drifted and I lost a wonderful friend. Please, BN’ers, my affection for him would be a very, very, very extreme case of Stockholm Syndrome. I simply treated it as a momentary indiscretion and we moved on and it never came up.

    My point is that when I brought the incident up one evening 8 years after, HE COULD NOT FREAKING REMEMBER! The look on his face was classic Oscar material: That stupid comical look you get when you can’t quite process what you just heard. What I thought was a momentary segue became a full blown topic. See me trying to convince someone he tried to rape me! I described the peached colored native and the small hole at the neck of his singlet; that I was wearing a knitted sleeveless top (red) and a black skirt and that I was cleaning up my room when he came; where he hit me; how he hit me; that he threw two packs of Indomie Noodles at me at some point, that every time I managed to get near the door he pulled me back so hard, I thought my bones would break. The ugliness of everything. Dude kept saying, “Its not true. It cant be true”. It inevitably came up again. This time however, he was very adamant that it was either I dreamt about it or I’m mixing him up with someone else. I realized that his mind had completely blocked the incident and there was no calling it back; not even with my own very vivid account of it.

    I recently realized the error of advising people based on private experiences. Certain nuances would make the experiences differ that could change the whole dynamic of their story from mine. Whatever choice you make, to tell or not to tell; and the outcome of that choice; the most important thing is that you survived. You are here.

    • MC

      March 6, 2015 at 5:02 pm

      I’m still trying to get over the fact that you remained friends with somebody that attempted to rape you *mouth wide open*

  41. Priscilla-Joy

    March 6, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    I get what you’re saying @ D – I once asked Rev Christie Bature that very question when she was invited to my church for a program and she preached about relationships, marriage, trauma, etc. so I asked her that in a bid to protect our children from such experiences, how can a parent make sure that he/she doesn’t stifle or scar the child in a way that prevents them from having a wholesome relationship when they’re adult?

    And she said, communication. First of all you have to deal with your issues, and pray for wisdom to speak to your kids in a way that you don’t transfer your fears unto them, I don’t know how that will happen but its a prayer point for me. Then have a kind of relationship where your kids trust you enough to be open to you, @Funkew said it all in her comment. These days parents are too busy to pay attention and a lot of them are in denial because at the end of the day, its the very people close to us that do these things.

    Right from when they begin to understand when they’re spoken to, they should be told not to allow anyone touch them in their private areas, nobody else besides mummy and daddy is allowed to bathe them, no hanging in boy’s/men’s room at all, and when they get older you can tell them the reason to the extent that their age can carry, keep revisiting it as they grow and adding more information and early sex education is the best as far as I’m concerned.

  42. Havillah

    March 6, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    This brought tears to my eyes, had over two experiences before the age of 5 with about 2 guys, one of the guys was a Church member’s cousin in whose care my mum used to leave us when going for night shift he was later shot and died, the other was the son of the proprietor of the primary school i attended, a reason i hate schools that accommodates teachers or proprietors residence. I grew up living in the shell of low self esteem and i found it hard to truly love people. I tried to make myself believe the incidents were not real, i never told my parents, i was lucky to have a good man at a point and i told him, he helped me regain my confidence as a woman and today i am a better person, i have told few male friends my story and they have also helped me to feel good about myself. I remember a line i came across in T.D Jakes’ book “The lady, Her lover and her Lord” – “what if you went through all you went through to help somebody? Your healing lies in helping others overcome their hurts.” I hope to write my story in a book one day, and i know i will be a good mother given my experience by the grace of God. I encourage everyone that has had this bitter experience to be bold and rise up to life, let’s live life, let’s love and be the healing of others. Like some others have commented, we can stop this by educating the younger ones and watching out for them and i pray that an end will come to this evil act in Jesus name

  43. seriously

    March 6, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    Wow!!! Im glad, we are speaking out about molestation, rape, pedophiles, its long overdue. Its been swept under the carpet far too long. I empathize with victims of such horrific experiences. I pray, God will continue to gjve you strength, and grace will be upon you. In addition, going for therapy will also help. Opening up to well trusted person will help. My advice to parent with children, be careful of househelp, uncles, cousins and aunts you have around your children. Male molestat ion happens but men will never talk about it. Some of these victims repeat what their abusers did to them.

  44. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    March 6, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    The pain on this page is so vivid and palpable. It hurts so much.

  45. Abby Scuito

    March 6, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    I think mine happened when I was either 8 or 9 (cant remember the precise age, but it was b4 my 10th birthday). His name was “Christian” (don’t remember the last name), hes from “idoma”, he was my neighbors oldest son. He was in secondary school while I was still in elementary school. These all happened after my mom passed and my dad was working himself almost to death and taking care of us too, before my dad layed down the “dos and don’ts” about men to us. Christian will take me to the back of the door and make me touch him there, he only made me put it in my mouth one time. I hated him for that. I couldn’t tell my dad cus hes never at home. But when I was 10 after my birthday, this short man who live in my neighborhood whose wife just delivered a baby. It was during school hour and I was at home (forgot exactly why I didn’t ho to school). The few people who were around was congratulating him, he said he need to clean up his house, me being the helpful person I was volunteered to do his dishes. That is how he started touching me, telling me to dance with him. Mehn did I run?….I ran home and cautioned myself never to go near him and never did. Another one was when I was 13, my booobs was just coming out (the women here knows how that early boobs thats coming out hurt now). So this boy from my village we all lived on the same neighborhood also came to my house. Hes one of them boys who come by to visit my brother and also my dad is cool with his dad and he was like family. This idiot tried to use me grow. He touched my boobs….no he actually squeezed it mehn thats the day I knew I have a low tolerance for pain. I told him am telling my dad he started begging me cus he know whats going to happen to him. So I was running and hes trying to stop me, I ran inside the kitchen and grab a metal spoon with jagged edge, unfortunately for him he was right beside me so I let fly and hit him. The blood he lost that day eh? He still have the scar till date. I dont even acknowledge him anymore cus he disgusts me. I always use that as a teaching point to my friends and colleagues. That stupid Christian came to our yard when I was in js1, where me and my friend was playing,. He came with his school son and started ordering me to greet him, my friend didnt know why I kept quiet, she greeted him I just kept quite witjout looking at him. The school son wanted to act up by yelling at me to greet him, I just git up and left. My prayer was for him to please touch me (thank God my dad is home), they will carry his corpse back to his family. My point being “COMMUNICATION”!!!! my dad knew that he had 5 girls and make sure we tell him whats up in our lives no matter how girly it sound, he’ll go to my grandma (maternal grandma) for advise. He knew he messed up working like crazy after my mom died and tried to make up for it. Thats how he almost killed a priest who tried one on me and another boy who almost touched my younger sister. He taught me to first of all “RUN” then “YELL”if no help come by “grab the nearest HARMFUL object and SWING” it dont matter where u hit the person just make sure u did some damage….and finally dont forget to tell him. My dad will never let us sit on his brothers laps….say who die?. Since our parents tend to be ignorant about these things going on with their kids, let us the new generation of parents/would-be parents take it upon ourselves and do right by our own kids. Teach them what we weren’t taught, and teach them some mean moves on those idiots.

  46. CiCi

    March 6, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    At about 5, I was abused by a distant relative, he told me to come to his room and take mango, i went and instead of mango he told me to lie down. After the horrible incidence, he gave me a spoilt mango. another time, it was a neighbour, who did it to me twice. These were not the only encounters i had with people who molested me, this and many others which i rather not share. These encounters left an emptiness in me for years. I felt worthless and later through the years i found it hard to trust guys, i would rather stay away from people so that i don’t reveal or give a hint that i was abused. I created a lonely world for myself. I hated myself and lost my self confidence. These thoughts ate me up for years, i became inexpressive because i lost my self confidence. When i think about my past history of sexual abuse, am angry at my abusers. i want to expose them but if i do, i will be exposing myself too. one is even married. i would rather let the sleeping dog lie but i have told myself that i will enlighten my children in the future cos this must not, never ever happen to them. The goodnews is that i’m letting the love of God into my heart. He’s giving me the grace to forgive n let go n move on with my life. i have more peace. These encounters dont define me. Thank God am a smart, beautiful, godly, focused n goal oriented young woman. Thank God i survived- many are not able to control their sexual desires as a consequence of these kind of experiences, many have become prostitutes (am not judging o but it’s a fact), Parents should be more watchful per time. Know where your children are!!! who they are with. of course they must play, you can’t cage them but please check up on them. create a kind of relationship that makes the child very free to gist with you.

  47. God Dey

    March 6, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    Many gbosa for Abby Scuito’s father! May there be more like him!

  48. Geegee

    March 7, 2015 at 1:58 am

    @ MC I know right. And later try to convince him he raped u. @ Bobosteke, ofcourse he remembered he tried to rape u. What a shameless guy with no remorse. May God judge him. I’m glad u moved and not affected by that incident.

  49. Donald

    March 7, 2015 at 7:04 am

    I am weeping right now reading all these stories, and its easier to break an iron than to make me weep. I am a Man with more than an average libido but I find it really difficult to understand why any normal Man will even conceive amorous thoughts or feelings for a child-it completely beats me! such men, pedophile or whatever doodah they are called simply have twisted minds and should see a shrink.
    I work with an international NGO that caters for children and we have had reported cases of children being abused sexually. Now one particular factor that I have learnt help exacerbate this rubbish is lack of TRUST between the child and the parent or Guardian. You see as parents/guardians ,we should cultivate a very affable relationship with our children/wards such that they trust us enough to easily and quickly fess up to things happening in their lives now that’s the most important step to finding panacea to this problem.
    I really wanna give kudos to all the women who had the courage to speak out.Reading your comments I feel encouraged to continue fighting for our children, for the girl child, for our women and the vulnerable against all odds ,threats ,victimization and deprivations.

  50. SayNO

    March 7, 2015 at 10:55 am

    My Gardner tried first. I was 5 but thankfully I he didn’t get the chance to penetrate me vaginally. He just grabbed me and forced his disgusting penis in my mouth. I don’t know why but I just knew it was wrong and my legs couldn’t carry me fast enough to go and report him to my dad. He went to jail that same day. May God forgive me but from my recollection they beat him in the police station almost to the point of death. Since that day, one cousin tried to kiss and touch me and I slapped the living daylight out of him n he never tried again. Another uncle tried (begged me to let him enter for almost 2months) I got frustrated and told my dad. Lets just say we have never ever seen that uncle again after almost 20years. All these happened between the ages of 5 and 7. Bottom line is I was aware that all the things they were attempting to do was wrong so my natural instinct was to report. That SAVED me cos my virginity remained intact until I chose to give it to an amazing human being who deserved the honour of being my first. God really saved me with the grace of common sense.

  51. passingby

    March 7, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    No need confronting the perpetrators because they WILL never admit it. . It’s Nigeria abi. Just pay someone. Shkina. I will gladly contribute to a fund geared at making a child rapist disappear.

  52. kemi

    March 8, 2015 at 1:35 am

    Dis act is very common, though it happens to both male and female children, but I think happens more to the female. Though was not disvirgined, but molested actually by a FEMALE. I think this girl is a lesbian. She slept with me about 3 times. Then I was age 6 or thereabout. She told me never to tell my parents, and my dad being strict made it worse, before she moved out of our house. Also molested by an uncle. But thank God for the grace to resist. I ran away and told him to leave me, ever since, he never touched me. I still see that my uncle around but I m sure if I remind him, he ll not remember. I think parents should be close nad free with their children. If my mum allows us talk 2 her den or build a free relationship with us, (myself and my sister), it won’t happen. I m sure this kind of thing must have affected my sister cox she got pregnant at the age of 17. Who knows what she s been doing b4 den. I just pray God helps Nigerian parents and also a word of advice to them, u dont have to train ur children d way u re trained. I mean blieving going to your parents 2 talk 2 dem is kinda rude. Pls, God will help us.

  53. me

    March 8, 2015 at 7:35 am

    I’m in my 30s. Never been able to hold down a relationship. Not one because I’ve been dealing with serious commitment issues. First time im ever talking about it – i was sexually abused by a cousin at age 6ish. I guess having a traumatic relationship( no physical abuse but all shades of emotional and psychological abuse) with my dad totally messed up my esteem issues. Thanks for sharing Priscilla-Joy, God indeed gives beauty for ashes.

  54. Glamorous

    March 9, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    Hmmnnnnn, I couldn’t even finish reading through everyone’s stories here, too heart breaking. , so many similar to mine. We are many. My advice to all and something that has helped me not to dwell on all the so called “men” that have molested me is this. Firstly, hand over all your pain and anger and emotions to God. Like tell Him how the incidence made you feel. And secondly DO NOT GLORIFY YOUR PAIN. yes it happened, you were molested . yes it hurt you, but do not make it count for more than it is. . a horrible thing done to you in your most vulnerable stage in life. Also let your pain count for something and that thing should not be to box you in , and make you insensitive to men or not to enjoy a beautiful relationship God created for you to enjoy. Do not be afraid of commitment( i still struggle with that at times but I have to remind myself, that what happened to me can not take the control over my life till date. God will help us all however we must all determine within our hearts not to allow our lives to be defined by the atrocities handed to us in our childhood.

  55. serene

    March 11, 2015 at 10:35 am

    I was sexually abused in my early years(before 12yrs). The one that stands out in my mind was our parish priest, he was so close and highly spiritual., my parents entrusted me in his care anytime they were away at work. I was an only child. I couldn’t relate the revered man of God and the things he said to me in private. One time he told me I’m possessed that is the reason I make him lust after me. I couldn’t talk to anyone because he said no one would believe me. In church while he breathed thunder and brimstone about fornication and hell, I’ll be looking him straight in the eyes and he’ll stare right back. One day he called that my parents should lemme come so he can take me out since I was on holiday, I was reluctant to go. Dad asked me ‘what exactly do you do when father takes you out?’ I didn’t have much to say and he said ‘you’ll learn to stay alone when we’re away’. I never had to go see him again.
    years later in the university, I was raped by a cult guy. I lost my virginity to someone I can’t recognize even if I pass him on the road. I called my then bf, he came and took me to the hospital. I didn’t know he had informed my parents. I just saw my dad while I was in the waiting room.
    I think that’s the point my parents got very close to me. That guy was with a gun and I guess I was lucky cos they were many and I could have been raped by all of them.
    it wasn’t easy.
    memories of being striped naked and flogged with belt all over because I refused to date a ‘big boy’. I was 16. I had a 17yr old boyfriend and we weren’t gonna have sex till we understood what it entailed.
    I decided to forget that event., that’s the only way I could deal with it. I didn’t wanna let one event mar my entire life. I moved on. But ‘Bishop’ wherever you are, I pray God forgives u. I did

  56. Olayemi

    March 11, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    Mine was my cousin, church youth pastor, family doctor and neighbor down the street. Now I’m married with a daughter and paranoid. I look at her and get scared. So many what ifs in my head. I’m never going to let her out of my sight until I die!

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