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Chiugo Akaolisa: Spiritual Background Check



Only a few weeks back, my aunt decided to confront me about the reason why I wasn’t yet married. She couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out why I didn’t want to just “pick one” (her words). She complained about how this generation had too much time on their hands trying to get things just right before they committed to someone.

So naturally, she took matters into her hands. She asked me to give her a list of all the men interested to me so that she can run a “spiritual background check” which should help me in my selection process. Of course I had to humor her even though I am Catholic. I wrote down a few names and gave it to her and after a few days of midnight prayers and fasting, her pastor had a name from the Holy Spirit and asked to see me. After meeting with her and listening to her version of the infamous “missing-rib” creation story, she finally revealed “the one”.

This would have worked out perfectly if the name she gave me wasn’t the one I put in for jokes; a very non-existent man. That was when I knew I had to write about it.

In my opinion, the “missing rib” version of the creation story has got some people all shades of confused. God, realizing that Adam needed a helper, took a rib from his side and made Eve. Only then did he ask them to go ahead and populate the earth. Only Adam had the privilege of a custom bride (being the first man and all) the rest of us just need to search from the diverse gene pool and pray for direction in finding a compatible match. If you don’t agree with me, then we should only have men in existence.Once he gets lonely, a woman would be made from his side for him.

I mean, if one man was made for one woman, then I really feel bad for those people whose potential partners have left them and gone back to God without any introduction. There is no way they are getting married now. That must suck!

I know of relatives and acquaintances that left GOOD partners they were committed to, following the advice of their pastors, and ended up without a replacement. Only a few I’ve heard of didn’t listen and are living in regret.

I am not trying to making this piece too skewed in other not to confuse the ones who do not share the same faith but I can confirm that God wants us to pray about everything, seek his guidance and commit everything into His hands directly . The Spiritual Leaders are there to help us find our path when we drift, advise, and aid us in prayers; not to weigh in on the most intimate aspects of our life. I gain nothing by undermining the works of Men and Women of God but they are human beings, prone to the same mistakes we are. Only a select few in this world have been given the gift of prophecy. The rest are just playing solid guess work.

You really do not need a man/woman of God to give insight on a partner who is verbally, physically or mentally abusive. Deep within your heart, you know whether a person is good for you or not. If there are character flaws you don’t like, it may never get better. Conversely, if he/she is genuinely good to you, holds you in high esteem, and ticks all your boxes, do you really need a spiritual background check?

I read once that “there is no point in looking for deep spiritual revelations where common sense is required”.

I opt for praying for yourself and only asking for help when you cannot do it on your own. If we can constantly commit everything to God from the beginning, He will always look out for us and direct us in all things.


Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Ron Chapple

Chiugo Veronica Akaolisa is a graduate from the University of Alberta, Canada. She is a God-lover and a recluse. Her every spare time is spent writing and developing her business. She is an entrepreneur and a budding novelist. Her true passion is Poetry and Relationship Tips. She has a minor in Psychology. Twitter: Verachi | Facebook: | Instagram: missverachi |


  1. Tosin

    March 22, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    God bless you and your ministry. It’s clear that we need a new deal, because all this hustle for money, hustle for man stuff is NOT the way forward. Amen!

  2. Ybbil

    March 22, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Nice piece. Agree with the write up totally.

  3. honeybarbie

    March 22, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    Im in a similar situation. I’m a 33 year old living in NYC. My uncle introduced me to his friend, I was very skeptical since I never liked meeting a man that way. He kept convincing me of what a great guy he was so I agreed to talk to him. I fell in love with his voice, his maturity, intelligence and words. He was the first to call me every morning and last at night. He made me laugh all the time, I was totally blown away. Initially he was such a gentleman and did all the romantic stuff but never said he loved me or never spoke about marriage. My uncle linked us up because he was looking for someone and i was looking as well. We exchanged pictures, but he looks younger in his pictures than when we first spoke on skype. I must admit that the first day we skyped i thought he looked too old, he saw the look of disappointment on my face and asked what the problem was. I said ‘nothing’, and we chatted away. Now he tells me he can show me how to land a good man, he doesn’t like ‘good’ girls, he has to have sex with a woman before deciding if he wants to marry her or not, he just needs a donkey to ride etc. He lives in NYC but works on contract in the middle east. Can you believe we planned to meet at Christmas. He came to NYC at Christmas time for two weeks and he claimed he was too busy so never bothered to come see me. On the last day he said i should meet him at the double tree hotel, I refused. My dad is convinced he is my husband (I suspect its because he is rich), but my pastor says God told him I will marry a man called ‘William’.
    My mom says I should forget about him.
    At age 21 I became a christian and vowed never to have sex before marriage, its been 12 long years. I don’t have sex with anyone I date just to please God. Sometimes I think GOd has forgotten about me. This is the only man I opened my heart to in a long time, but he has disappointed me. I stopped picking his calls until last week. He told me that he senses desperation when he talks to me. I know it wasn’t desperation, because there were two guys who were ready to marry me at the same time he came into the picture, but i didnt feeI anything for them. I was falling in love. I don’t know if it was my first reaction on Skype that put him off. My pastor keeps saying I am ‘William’s rib. Confused, confused, confused!

    • Scatterific

      March 22, 2015 at 8:18 pm

      You seem like a very nice lady, but I will like to tell you that this man is a “dog”…If you follow him, you will regret it..How do I know this? if he was really into you, and really had “feelings” for you, as soon as he was in town,, he would have given you a call that “see O, babe i’m in town” when and where we meet soonest?”..haba, if na my babe, she will be the first person I would want to see. And judging by the looks of it, the man way no pure. .
      NO MATTER how busy a man is, he will seek you out immediately.

    • ides of March

      March 22, 2015 at 8:38 pm

      Hi honeyarbie,
      Don’t let counterfeits side track you from what God has in store for you. Is the man’s spirit in line with God’s will and God’s word? If not, best to send him on his way before he takes you where you don’t recognize yourself. I’ve been dealing with counterfeits lately and the attacks are intense. Celibate for the last 8 years and these counterfeits ‘love me so much’ sex is the way they want to show it, I just have a different way I’d rather be loved. I choose God’s way of being loved and being intimate with a man within the confines and security of a marriage! The struggle is real for all who choose to walk this path and I pray the Lord continues to uphold us as we make our stand.

    • ides of March

      March 22, 2015 at 8:39 pm


    • PurpleiciousBabe

      March 23, 2015 at 12:40 am

      Bless your cotton socks. You did make me laugh with the whole situation.
      E-hugs. x
      I don’t know how to attempt to respond to your comment. Here is what I will say, forget THIS DUDE. DELETE, Don’t even try to convince yourself just LEAVE IT.
      About pastors/the name of your spouse can get you into trouble. We have thousands of ‘Williams’ which one exactly is or will be yours?So it means for every guy that approaches you that isn’t called ‘williams’ is whala? or for every guy that approaches that is called ‘williams’ is potential yours? I DOUBT THAT.

      Here is my advice: To start with you are not in love. You are in ‘attraction’ but not ‘love’. Love is a doing word it means actions are louder than words. You are however in an idea of the ‘love’ you want to have. I will tell you to forget about age, marriage etc and focus on developing you. Areas that you feel you can improve on. The outcome of your life mostly depends on the beliefs you uphold. If your desire is to get married, pray as though you have met him and pray for your union/marriage. Just know GOD has your back not man. KEEP PROFESSING!!! PROFESS, PROFESS, PROFESS. Your business is not to know how it will or when but PROFESS. Say it EVERYDAY if you have to just know the power is in your hands. No, God has not forgotten anyone, perhaps he wants us to learn something. THINK ABOUT. Pls do not feel sorry for yourself.
      P.S. Don’t forget to LIVE, LIVE, LIVE, LIVE. X

    • D

      March 23, 2015 at 3:00 pm

      Ok i have to ask is the dude’s name William? or William is currently MIA??? just got tad bit confused on that end.

    • Ajiro

      March 24, 2015 at 12:46 am

      God hasn’t forgotten about you, just keep seeking Him and focus on Him and He will bring your man at the right time. Let God give you the confirmation you need by Himself. It is well, as long as you continue to honor God, He will honor you.

    • Louda

      March 25, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      God has not forgotten you I tell you. That is how it starts. If the devil succeeds in getting hold of your mind, soon you will lower your standards and then comes the regrets. Never listen to the dude, from your write up, its very clear he doesnt want you. He doesnt want anyone, he just wants to play. I met someone like that before, he said he wanna test before he walks to the altar, I decided to take a walk only for me to discover that the bobo is married and was actually on a bet with his friends to bed me. The day he planned to do the deed was the day I gave him red card, he was mad cos he lost out on d bet and lost out on a conquest too. Its not easy waiting for so long especially when you feel you are a virgin and therefore deserve the best. Sometimes, things dont work like that. Just live your life and be happy.

  4. funmilayoo

    March 22, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    Thank you Chiugo for writing on this matter. Only God knows how many good relationships that have been lost due to ‘consultation of the gods’ (my last relationship inclusive). Bobo said my name wasn’t approved by his mum and seconded by his mum’s pastor. I’m excited to be over that now and I’m looking on for better things to come.

  5. EllesarisEllendil

    March 22, 2015 at 7:46 pm

    Protestants you know the story of Genesis isn’t literal right???
    Catholics are taught that as early as Catechism class.
    As for finding a partner, it is your own choice to find somebody you feel is perfect. The key word is choice, you know that little thing that differentiates us from Angels, that makes us human beings special, we all have a choice. The idea that somebody was “chosen’ for you is comical. Choose your parameters, meet the candidates and make a choice, God gave it to you, might as well make use of it.

  6. missopiniated

    March 22, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    Thanks for this piece. So many promising to be marriages have been cut short prematurely by this consultation things. And guys that can’t pray or take decisions for themselves,i’m so sorry for them. Imagine someone asking for my full names&even my mother’s name,how ridiculous…..d veil has been cut down when He died on the cross,we no longer need a go between!

    • deb

      March 23, 2015 at 9:57 am

      as in!!! the God that is interested enough in the details of my life to guide me through each day himself will not hesitate to lead me to the right man once i am ready for that responsibility and that phase. that has been my mantra and my primary mindset from the get-go.

      no divination somethings biko. dats how some guy i don’t like will come and be telling me “thus sayeth the Lord”. oh please!

  7. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    March 22, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    A flight attendant spent a week’s vacation in the Rockies. She was captivated by the mountain peaks, the clear blue skies and the sweet smelling pines. But she was also charmed by a very eligible bachelor who owned and operated a cattle ranch and lived in a log cabin. At the end of the week, Mr. Wonderful proposed. But it all happened too quickly that the woman decided to return to her home and her job, feeling that she would somehow be guided.

    The next day, inflight, she found herself wondering what to do. To perk up, she stopped in the rest room and splashed some cool water on her face. There was some turbulence and a sign lit up: PLEASE RETURN TO THE CABIN. She did, to the cabin back in the mountains.

    (Culled from Reader’s Digest)

  8. jaguarnana

    March 23, 2015 at 12:31 am

    haha ,,,, sounds like my aunt who claims to have got the two bottles of water she snicked into my room from a catholic priest. Saying in a calm low voice I should pour them over my head so I will find a husband(or maybe the husband will find me). I politely accepted them and left them by my bed till one morning to lazy to go downstairs to get clean water to spritz my natural hair I used some of the “blessed water” isn’t that technically pouring the water over my head and still no husband has appeared…..ha!. we need to be practical when looking for love and put the effort; go out, meet up old friends, put the word out to your friends etc and never ever hook up with an ex that dumped you. at the end the choices are up to you to make.

    • oy

      March 25, 2015 at 2:43 pm

      loool, my dad brought water for me too, i poured it away after he turned his back, i can’t shout! eish!

  9. sum1special

    March 23, 2015 at 12:36 am

    Best write up this week. I couldn’t agree more.

  10. janeth

    March 23, 2015 at 2:59 am

    lovely write up…..i agree with you to some point but still we need some counselling and guidance from a good man of God..we cant do it alone cause Marriage is too deep.#Stay blessed everyone, none will died and lovely week ahead.

  11. Mimi

    March 23, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Thanks Chi, God bless you. One needs to be very careful.

  12. loveaddict

    March 23, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    God bless you, Chi!!!!!!! People need to hear this!!! My ex’s mother told me to leave her son because i wasn’t selected by her God. The mumu listened and left. Now that I am happy with someone else, he now keeps stalking and calling me. He should just go and marry his mother oh.

  13. oy

    March 25, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    truth one has a clear picture of anything. bible even says we know in part and we prophesy in part. it’s better to know God for oneself and let Him guide you. every marriage/relationship needs work, even if God appears to you and shows you your husband/wife, you still have to put work into it while resting in the finished work of Christ. don’t let all those so called pastors, prophets deceive you. they many be right that “so and so” is not your husband/wife but hear the truth from God..

  14. Tberry

    March 25, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Just seeing this, To the glory of God, I always advise that you pray yourself. We serve a loving God. First reason, why you should pray is because there are several men or women out there that you cant vouch for their character, you need the spirit of discernment and God. Second, I believe God is interested in you and match you with right man, Third God has some special sons and daughters and I believe they may be instructed on who they should marry. Above all the man or woman should be God fearing and respectful to God and you.

    Now the Fake pastors and prophesies, I almost fell for their tricks but God helped me. I seek God’s face and He talks to me but these fake pastors cause misunderstandings in happy home, for example I was told you will meet a fair man, God saved me I didn’t fall in hands of jigolo, Another said oh that boy is deceiver…..loads of fake seers, Not everyone will be determined and strong as I am but I said No, pressure etc and To God be the glory I didn’t bow to all that. God has sort me out and very soon will share my testimony, what I went through and temptations. Most especially for girls over 28, Please hold on to your creator. He will guide you, pray to God yourself, Ask anything in Jesus name he will do it. Have a blessed day everyone

  15. Cute

    March 26, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Hmmm. Spiritual check! All dem pastors. The pressure single ladies over 28 face in Nigeria is indeed real. I have had a family friend say his white garment pastor said I needed to bring my bathing soap and body cream for them to ‘work on’ so I can get a husband., I simply declined politely.

    Recently, on my 31st birthday, my aunty said she needed to present my name in her white garment church to know why I wasnt married yet. Anyone who heard her speak will think I was 45. She came back the following day with the news that I belonged to a cult I didnt know about and I needed to pray and fast and do deliverance. All I could think about was how light could exist with darkness within me and what the whole essence of Colossians 2:10-22 was to me as a child of God.

    Single ladies really need to hold on to God and stand by what they believe in, I must confirm this is easier said and there are times I indeed feel God has forgotten me. But after all said and done- I know deep down that God will not forget His own. It is important to stay close to God and live under his leading even for the littlest things, so that when the big things like the choice of whom to marry comes up, we dont begin to look for a go-between to ‘see’ for us.

  16. Faith Barde

    May 21, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    God has not forgotten you. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Don’t build a Sky scrapper on a faulty foundation; if the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?

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