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Chiugo Akaolisa: What Makes You Lovable?

Chiugo Akaolisa

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If the first thing that comes to your head is money or beauty, then you’d be surprised how bland those attributes are by themselves. Especially if that is all you have working for you.

A few months ago, my friend randomly asked me to list the attributes that make me lovable; qualities that will make potential Bae consider a long term deal (to make it interesting, Bae has to be out of your league).  A guy had asked her that and she came up empty. For the first time in a long while, I didn’t know what to say but it I was determined to figure it out. I knew some of my qualities but I wasn’t sure if it that was enough to make bae stay or if mentioning them was a form of bragging.

I struggled with it for days and finally came up with a list of my own. What made it difficult is finding qualities that separate me from the pack. Most girls can cook and every girl is pretty and smart in their own right. I needed to find something extra. To be honest, it wasn’t easy.

The truth is, it is quite uncomfortable listing your lovable qualities especially when there are hurtful people out there telling you that those amazing attributes you possess are either over-hyped or all in your head. As a result, we keep our most interesting features buried deep within while we sit and constantly nurse our flaws just to blend in.

Misery does love company.

In my opinion, it is extremely important to find out what makes you lovable as it is directly tied to your self-worth. Your positive attributes then become your bargaining chip for any new relationship. If you are not sure of what qualities of yours make a partner want to stick around, how then can you sustain his/her interest? You automatically fall at their mercy, constantly seeking approval and acceptance.

Have you ever noticed that the confident people get all the best partners? This is because they already know all their positive attribute and they are not afraid to flaunt it.

If you don’t know your worth, the next logical step is to test relationships that have potential in order to find out, or settle for relationships in which you’re treated in a way that matches your beliefs about yourself.

When it comes to romantic relationships there is one simple truth. We get exactly what we are willing to accept and settle for. If you think you are unlovable and are better off alone, you are right. If you think you can’t do any better than what you currently have, you are absolutely right. And if you think you deserve to be treated like a gem because of your long list of amazing qualities, you are also totally right – and you will be.

You need to know what makes you a catch and improve on it as often as possible. If you cannot find anything that interesting, then create one. Read more, take up unique interests, develop your talents, get in the best shape possible, learn a language…there is no limit.

The self-knowledge gained by knowing your lovable qualities can help you understand not just who you are, but what you deserve. This can help you avoid the problem of low self-esteem in relationships.

I have a way of making people open up to me. What makes you lovable? Give it a good thought.

Goodluck!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Giuliofornasar

Chiugo Veronica Akaolisa is a graduate from the University of Alberta, Canada. She is a God-lover and a recluse. Her every spare time is spent writing and developing her business. She is an entrepreneur and a budding novelist. Her true passion is Poetry and Relationship Tips. She has a minor in Psychology.Twitter: Verachi | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cakaolisa | Instagram: missverachi |

51 Comments

  1. Jhennique

    August 12, 2015 at 11:27 am

    lol. That question hit home!

    • gini

      August 13, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      my big boobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kikikikiki

  2. I love Shea butter

    August 12, 2015 at 11:33 am

    My Loyalty.

    • Annienonymous

      August 12, 2015 at 11:52 am

      Aimoye loyalty…. *yimu*

    • Jhennique

      August 12, 2015 at 11:53 am

      emmmm…………………..i dont think this passes

  3. Paloma

    August 12, 2015 at 11:50 am

    I so much belief in myself and i’m independent!

  4. Ada

    August 12, 2015 at 11:59 am

    I have no idea. Can I ask Bae? He should know what he saw.

  5. lolipop

    August 12, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Dis piece is soooo right….I used to think have got good qualities and so I cnt settle for less and YES!! I got the right man ooo…TUJ

  6. Jhennique

    August 12, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    My-down-to-earth-dont-take-life-too-seriously attitude. The way i am with kids. How i find joy in the littlest gesture of care. How I laugh so hard. The look on my face when im embarassed. The silly games i play. My soft kisses. How passionate i am about intergrity. How i dont share my chocolates. My level of self confidence. How intently i listen. How I dont take you for granted, How cute i am trying to stay angry at you. My sense of humour. How affectionate i am. How i am with my siblings. How i come over and creatively re-adjust your furniture. How i spread light and laughter. How i encourage you, believe in you . How i always smell so good. How smart i am……..

    Wo my list is endless oh. hehe!

    • Jhennique

      August 12, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      My-down-to-earth-dont-take-life-too-seriously attitude. The way i am with kids. How i find joy in the littlest gesture of care. How I laugh so hard. The look on my face when im embarassed. The silly games i play. My soft kisses. How passionate i am about intergrity. How i dont share my chocolates. My level of self confidence. How intently i listen. How I dont take you for granted, How cute i am trying to stay angry at you. My sense of humour. How affectionate i am. How i am with my siblings. How i come over and creatively re-adjust your furniture. How i spread light and laughter. How i encourage you, believe in you . How i always smell so good. How smart i am……..

      Wo my list is endless oh. hehe!
      Oh i forgot my sweet spontaneous singing. How i fart and act like it wasnt me. My pms behaviour. How i dont pretend to like your friends. How i hate them barging in on our dates. How i refuse to do your laundary because i am not yet your wife. How i kiss your forehead when you are worried about everything. How i pick my nose when i think u are not watching. How i refuse your feet on my bed with your socks on. How annoyingly organised i am. How i scream your head off when u drive too fast. How petty i am about you drinking soda. How i borrow all your things and never return them

      Long and short. Im sweet yet heavily flawed but truth is who go love you, go love you. And even if there is nothing loving about you he will find something to love in everything about you and make you feel like the most lovable person on earth.

      Havent you met people with horrible character who have partners that dote on them? well, there is my point. Selah!

    • Akpeno

      August 12, 2015 at 5:53 pm

      YES!

      One man’s meat is another man’s poison.
      I have seen wicked selfish nasty people in Long term relationships and,….
      I have seen sweet gentle souls perpetually single.
      Who go love you, go love you indeed!

  7. Largerthanlifealice

    August 12, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    i am a happy girl,i am independent,i laugh so much,i do not take things serious,i am very hospitable,i am so confident,i am great with people,i think i am the best thing since bread and beans

  8. DP

    August 12, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Hummmmmm me i dont know ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  9. Daddy girl

    August 12, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    I’m super confident, I’m way too independent, I’m funny, very very! I am versatile and I work on that everyday, I’m understanding and My Alpha blessed me with brains. Now I’m going to say whats not lovable about me, I’m kinda stingy, I hate easily, I shout a lot when I’m talking although I don’t mean to, I find it hard to forgive people and get over hurt and I expect them to, I can pass off as arrogant and overconfident. I down play peoples’ achievement a lot to try and make my self feel better, I’m quick to kinda of judge, I can pass off as a bully sometimes because of my loudness and sternness etc. In all every day I find out more and more things unlovable about my self and I work as hard as I can to change them but also I would never downplay whats lovable about me, because that gives me the strength to work on the unlovables.

    • +44

      August 12, 2015 at 1:23 pm

      OMG! Are you me???

    • yeancah

      August 15, 2015 at 10:30 am

      You sound like me…. OMG

  10. ngozi

    August 12, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    wow! nice writeup… an eye opener indeed
    for me I think its d ability to blend moral principle with being social

  11. Viv

    August 12, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    Hmmmmmmm the list is endless…..Godfearing,Classy, beautiful,homely,loyal and i leave a lasting signature with my cooking.my husband’s friends alway want do lunch#my husband appreciates me n everything am not that does it for me…..And am so blessed to have him….

  12. iyke

    August 12, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    The more chances you give someone, the less respect they will start to have for you.They will begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set because they’ll know another chance will always be given. They are not afraid to lose you because they know that no matter what, you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness.
    So what makes me lovable??? –
    I never let ANYONE get comfortable disrespecting me, for it correlates with how much VALUE I place in myself. That’s what makes me lovable.

  13. unique

    August 12, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    The truth is people like and love you for different reasons as not everybody has th3 same perspectives about your personalities. Whether your personality is sanguine, choleric, phelgmatic or melancholy you will always be lovable in your own unique ‘crazy’ way.

    Just keep being YOU.

  14. EllesarisEllendil

    August 12, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    Let’s see, my ITK, but I’m humble enough to admit the five times I’ve been wrong? Zen, I don’t get angry, the world tries but they fail every-time. No Friday Night turn-ups for me, though I suppose the fact that I’ll be gaming all night instead cancels that out.

    Well this has been harder than I thought when I first clicked, I guess my most lovable quality is my ability to adapt to my friends, I think?

  15. lollly

    August 12, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    mehn this one na homework o…ok lets go!

    I am one independent lady, very prudent, smart and intelligent, super firm, faithful, …ati be be lo

  16. Amara

    August 12, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    my gap tooth …… that’s the first thing anyone notices, especially as i smile a lot. and yea, my vanity about my gap tooth 😀

    • Ayoka

      August 12, 2015 at 6:14 pm

      Lord have mercy. Your gap tooth makes you lovable? Gap tooth that you would only see in certain socioeconomic groups in countries where kids go to the dentist regularly.

    • Amara

      August 13, 2015 at 9:25 am

      yea some people’s defects make them loveable. Deal with that.
      Pained someborrri!!!

    • Ayoka

      August 13, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      Amara, there is a difference between “what makes you beautiful” and “what makes you lovable”
      And nobody said gap tooth na defect

  17. Easy n Gentle

    August 12, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    New friends don’t understand me and are often baffled. older friends absolutely adore me, almost worship sef for reasons I don’t understand.

    The only thing I can think of, that might make me exclusively lovable, is that my relationship with everyone is unique and tailored specifically to the person in question. Also, no one stays close to me long enough and not end up being a better version of yourself.

  18. Noms

    August 12, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    Jamb question.

    When I meet someone for the first time, the regular tell me about yourself comes up.
    I can be different things to different people depends on situations and circumstances.
    I have people tell me that I am blunt and first impression matters, yes… it does but I am not one to pretend. I say things the way there are, I make excuses for others”like looking for all the possible reasons why they act the way they do’.
    I try not to get angry for long.
    I raise my voice when angry”unconsciously”ooo.
    I apologies when I am wrong and ask for an apology when one offends me.
    I tell you the way I want to be loved if you are not loving me the way I want.
    I listen.
    I advise.
    I can be very funny and some of my friends think i should be acting or do stand up comedy*winks*
    I try to avoid “i told you so” serious work
    I talk, talk,talk and much as I laugh.
    I fart without apologizing.
    I’m always watching my weight even when I have chocolates and chocolate coated biscuits in my bag.
    I pray and believe all things work together for our good.
    I try to be calm in bad/sad situations by not reacting in a way which break people around down.
    I don’t like sharing my stuff…cakes, ice cream, meat …
    I can scatter my room for Africa, …i arrange it and it lasts for about 72hours and willbe crawling back to the jagajaga…..
    I can cook but reserving my skills for matrimony,lol
    I am loyal and a firm believer of friendship hence I have friends who are now siblings.
    I say how I feel whether it makes me vulnerable or not.
    I believe in love.
    I believe Bae’s money is ours and mine is mine with exceptions….and not obligation on my part…yes.
    This comment of mine is everywhere just like my room is sometimes.
    E do doooo

    • Doxa

      August 12, 2015 at 5:41 pm

      You are me, apart from these 2 points;
      a) I fart without apologizing – I don’t do that. the only person I can comfortably fart in the presence of is my mum and I always apologise.
      b) I’m always watching my weight even when I have chocolates and chocolate coated biscuits in my bag – I am not watching my weight.

  19. Sunshyne

    August 12, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    I’m sensitive. I cry a lot, I love with my whole heart. I get irritated easily but it’s dessipates in seconds. I don’t stay angry . I dance in the dark. I don’t have friends . I’m secretive. I know how to Kiss…?. I love my family like its the last thing I have to do on earth. Love is my energy.

  20. Jagbajantis

    August 12, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    My Loveable Traits

    – I am a ride or die dude. Loyal to friends, with the same passion I hate my enemies. I am the type of person to go to war with. If I dig you, its to the death. I am friends with all my ex-girlfriends. I have even smashed some after we broke up.
    – Well not to toot my horns. Peem! Peem! But I have been told I have a smile that can melt a rock. Though small facial orobo has covered them these days, I have the dimples of life. Like someone stabbed my cheeks with an Eleganza cover
    – I am down to earth, and easy to talk to. People expect someone with airs when they first see me, but once they talk to me, they are dismantled by how easy I am to talk to. I will hold a conversation with anyone that has something intelligent to say. That is the only caveat
    – I forgive too easily.

    My hateable traits
    – I am a man of passions. I will tell or show you how I feel. I dont do that tongue in cheek b.s, or political correctness.
    – I react with savage fury if I get angry. But then I forgive easily after I have had my say

  21. JADE

    August 12, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    Hiii Jagbajantis, can we go on a date already????

    • Jagbajantis

      August 12, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      Ok. Where do you want to go

  22. JADE

    August 12, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    for me Loyalty is everything, i can go to the ends of the earth for people i care about

  23. Oma

    August 12, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    Hmnn as i seat on my desk and begin to imagine what makes me lovable ill have to list all my lovable/ unlovable traits on here.
    I am very playful, to the extent of being forgetful,
    I am scattered, i know as a woman we supposed to have our shit together but honey i can scatter and arrange at the same time
    I am a good cook, but can be lazy when alone, ill prefer to cook when there are people so they praise my skills
    I am very emotional, but tend to act all street and gangster
    i can make people laugh a lot, have a great sense of humor
    I love soccer (PES & FIFA Addict) i can miss a party for an EPL weekend game and give my friends the ” im not feeling too fine excuse”
    I love politics and international affairs
    I can be a bit of a social misfit ( typing on my phone and chatting whilst out with friends)
    I am scared of intimacy, i feel its the only part of me that i can control and not surrender ( not saying i’m a virgin but lets say sex isn’t really my forte
    I have a photographic memory, if i have seen it anywhere i can always remember it

    • theo

      August 12, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      Hi Oma, can we be friends? I am a woman ohh….nohomo

  24. babygiwa

    August 12, 2015 at 7:16 pm

    Waitttttttttttt, Oma, you just described me! No way. You actually just described me. Awwwwwwwwwwwww?

  25. HerExcellence

    August 12, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    What makes me loveable? I am very loving….I can love for Africa…lol. I care deeply too. A great cook! A clown…I always have my friends in stitches with my jokes n all. I love babies/kids n can do anything for them. I get along well with elderly pipo n makes them Laugh too. A great conversationalist…i almost always know smthn abt anything! Very versatile,super confident n loyal. I forgive easily…make excuses for people even when they v deeply hurt me. I am super generous n always feel bad when I can’t give enuf. A mentor to younger girls. I v bin told by plenty of my girlfriends that I can b a “BItch….aka say it as it is….aka drop it lik it’s hot! And they totally love this crazy part of me n insist that s part of what makes me loveable n interesting. so there…my lovables!!!

  26. Jemy

    August 12, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    Hmm I haven’t really thought about it but I guess what makes me lovable is that am kind, nice, gentle and a loyal friend. I rarely lose friends, I guess my smile coz alot of pple love it. But the unlovable part is that I am a social misfit and really shy.

  27. loveaddict

    August 12, 2015 at 10:52 pm

    This is a very important article for people to read oh. I used to think I was unlovable and stayed single for years, jumping from one short fling to another. When I finally embraced all my qualities and decided not to settle, the right man found me. Thanks Chiugo for this piece!

  28. cleo

    August 13, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    I once asked an EX; WHy do you love me? and he replied; if i tell you i love you because of something, it means that when the thing is not there, the love fades. Now asking myself;
    1. I am very calm(Many people are)
    2. Confidence.( can be learnt or forged).
    3. My figure 8.(child birth ruins it)
    4. Ambitious
    5. Intelligent
    6. Can cook.
    Well i guess all these qualities are not unique

  29. Magz

    August 13, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    Nice one Chiugo.

    My lovable traits:

    1. I am loyal and i cherish friendship so much
    2. I love cooking, in fact, i prefer cooking to other chores
    3. I am intelligent & sarcastic – i still blame the sarcastic part on my mother; she encouraged it…lol!
    4. I forgive easily
    5. I believe in people having their own opinions (without being rude)
    6. I’m kind but in a different kind of way; i would rather give money/food/clothes to a hairdresser/laundry woman/subordinate whom i know really needs these items than give a street beggar N20
    7. I am annoyingly empathic – this annoys me greatly (i almost felt the pain my father was in, in his sick bed before he passed away) – i try as much as possible not to be around sick/hurt people
    8. I have a very good memory and a kinda “typographical” memory – if i write it down, i will remember (this helped in school)
    9. I love kids
    10. I am blunt

    My unlovable traits:

    1. I don’t make friends easily; i hate talking too much and don’t really socialize. i would rather sit in my house with novels and series than go to a party
    2. I love vodka to a distraction
    3. I can be cold and hard because i don’t warm up to people that easily
    4. I hate sweeping, laying bed, keeping pets or any agricultural-related chore
    5. I am too stubborn – my justification; i have a mix of Ondo and Ekiti blood in me
    6. I have too many mood swings, lost a friend recently because she couldn’t cope with this
    7. If it’s not Hersheys or Maltesers, I hate chocolate
    8. When i am in a relationship, i’d rather be needed than be the needy one
    9. My baking skill sucks

    But like someone said up there, who go love you go love you

  30. Ms Rere

    August 13, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    the thing about me is that I can sometimes be lovable or be a total stand off. However I guess I leave a lasting impression with strangers. (good one though). Now lets talk about my lovable traits:My way with words,. I have a very queer way of speaking that gets people listening and wondering where I was raised.I am a very passionate person. Anything I love, I do so with passion and I also speak passionately about it.. Hardly pretentious. I hate hypocrites. for me what you see is what you get.I am very generous. In fact its bad. When I see beggars or homeless people I literally want to help them and I feel guilty for having what they badly need. I love my mother so much I just cant shut up about her. Everybody knows about my mother. I love to cook and I am quite good at it. Yet I don’t just cook for anyone oo. Especially male friends. I love appreciating the people I love. so I throw them small parties on their birthdays. Yet they all forget when its my birthday. but no hating.The way I just love LOVE. In fact I am hopeless romantic. Anything kind and thoughtful gesture from Boo Boo gets my so emotional. and I want to reciprocate. I laugh at my own jokes so no one ever laughs if I tell a joke. I like comedy movies over action or drama. I love wrestling and although I don’t really watch football I like it. and this is what captivates the men I meet.

    Now my unlovable traits.
    I just dont take life too serious and that tends to irk a lot of my friends When I can’t be bothered about something, then I just can’t be bothered.I don’t forgive easily. And thats because I also hate passionately. If you hurt me bad then for as long as I live I will never like anything about you. and there’s nothing you can do about it.I am the most forgetful person yet. Mine is serious. I can literally forget why I even walked into a room. I can hold a grudge and also practice an eye for eye just to teach lessons. Oo I can be very lazy too.

  31. ogeAdiro

    August 13, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    Money is not an object. Ego bu ewu na aturu taba.

  32. Aprils

    August 13, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    just reading all the comments just made me realize that Chiugo really has a way of making people open up to her. Nice one!

  33. Juicy Escapades

    August 13, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    One man’s meat is another man’s poison. What would be deemed “lovable” to Mr A might be “disgusting” to Mr B…The key is ensuring to be yourself because pretense doesn’t last forever. That thing that would make your hubby adore you might simply be the way you smile, your funny attitude, the way you chuckle, the way you wont let him be each time you are together.

    Most importantly guys, the way you treat him in bed would leave him love struck and longing for you. Might be as little as the way you nibble on his ears, lick his neck, tickle his inner thighs….etc,
    Read more on Juicy Escapades for more Erotic and Juicy tips

    juicyescapades.wordpress.com/

  34. Koffie

    August 13, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    I’m quite the blunt one though I don’t say what I think in a spiteful way. I don’t know how to smile up and down but when I’m with my friends or my siblings, I’m always lit (that’s the only way to describe it). I’m always there for my friends n siblings, I’ve had lots of them tell me this. I can sort of carry your problems on my head just because I care about you. I also see through bullshit and would tell you what I think if I care or just have a personal joke in my head (if you con ask me why I dey laugh, I’ll say it as it is oo). I know a little about everything (sort of like an ITK but I’m quiet so).
    I pick my nose when I’m alone n then I study it ?. I can live with my disorganized room but I hate dirty bathrooms. My colleagues tell me I’m disorganized cos I can have 20 tabs open at a time but I find order in my disorder. I love mumuishly and act all gangster like I don’t miss people. I talk endlessly when I’m with friends. The only time I stutter or talk unintelligibly is when a guy I’m crushing on finally talks to me. I google everything cos I like to have sensible opinions in a conversation. I talk about my family n friends like they’re an extinct breed of gems. I can’t pretend to like you if I don’t. I stare at myself in any semblance of a mirror even when I had just been robbed n passed by a car, I stared at me ?. I have private comedy programs in my head so I do a lot of random laughing out loudly. I sing in the bathroom a lot in my very croaky voice. I’m quite confident. I’m also very proud of my roots and I love babies; they smell nice and are very cuddly and their laugh? Music to my ears

  35. Koffie

    August 13, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    *opinion
    *extinct breed

  36. princevinco

    August 13, 2015 at 11:57 pm

    What a superb post, I totally agree with the above post. The problem with most ladies is that they don’t know their worth, some, their only worth is their being wonderful in bed. Apart from that, they are worthless as a rag, and as such, they are treated and dumped as a worthless rag.
    Of a truth, ladies who know who they are and maintain their self-worth without living false lives are good in their relationships.

  37. Adefu

    August 16, 2015 at 12:47 am

    Menh!

    This is what I love about me.

    I give so much respect to people and show kindness that makes me ask if I was a provider for all men…. My one and only ex gf had several issues with that…. But hey, I get respected way too much as I give. I love the way I don’t look SS…

    Aha… I love that I can play several music instruments well. Yay… Got alot of peo tripping for that since 15.

    I don’t talk much… I am neat. I love the excellent way I don’t give my presence easily. I also live for those in my heart.

    I don’t like the way I cut people off totally when they offend me even when I forgive. I don’t like the way I like being alone…though known by many.

    I know above average about everything … I love the way God blessed me with brains…..

    FINALLY, I SAY THANK YOU LORD FOR BLESSING ME

  38. Ana

    August 21, 2015 at 10:07 am

    I love this post plus and getting addicted to reading bellanaija this past few days especially the relationship column and have equally learnt a lot…..
    So what makes me lovable…..
    -I love going outta my way in helping people around me.
    – I treat all my friends equally- don’t place too much importance to anyone in particular
    – I love to love but I don’t get it back the way I want it so I resolved it to only God can love me the way i want it even more
    – I love babies even babies love me too- can’t wait to have mine
    – I really don’t like the whole gossip thing and my friends know that about me
    – I am blunt
    – I am down to earth can be friends with anybody along as we touching lives cos I like to learn about people and their experiences which I think me wiser and gives me a prospective to life
    – I love to hang out with friends

    My unlovable traits
    – I get be too sensitive – I hate. Been ridiculed or disrespected
    – I get a lot of she’s a snob
    – I raise my voice when am angry- wanna stop this
    – I use people opinion to judge mine
    – I can be perceived as unfriendly but I take time to study people around me

    That’s about it…xoxo

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