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Omonike Odi: Eliminating the Ghost of Mr. Right

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Mr Right. Your one true love. Soul mate. Life partner. Prince Charming. Dream man. The one you lie in bed at night and imagine all he could do to you. The one you take to the Lord in prayer! Yes Mr Right! The one stopping you from seeing road. The one not allowing you see anyone around you as a suitable match. The one – your number one problem. The one – the one reason you might still be single.
All the single ladies before you put your hands up, be sure you are really single and not dating one of these Mr Rights standing in the way of that ring on it.

The Mr Right in Your HeadIt’s
Although I rarely did this while I was single and unmarried, I attended a singles seminar and out of nowhere the words of the speaker, Ben Osiagheme hit me like a bolt of thunder “Divorce the idol in your heart and your man will appear“. I sat up quickly because even though I had never thought I was worshipping an idol and certainly didn’t have a “God give me a husband” shrine I daily prayed at, I felt convicted by that statement. Didn’t I have a way he would look, be and act that I constantly rehearsed in my head? Didn’t I have a fantasy, a list, a type, an expectation that I was dating in my head all the time? Didn’t I look out for that idealised version of what I imagined my perfect man should be? Didn’t I compare the guys I met with the guy in my head all the time? If you can answer yes to any of these, then you might be expecting to date someone you have created in your head and you need to break up with that idea of a man real fast!

The Mr Right on TV and in Books/Magazines
This one plagues not only the single but also the married. I once heard a married woman talk about her growing fantasy with a TV star. The more she watched his movies the less attractive her husband seemed to her and without realising it she had started comparing her husband with this television character a bunch of writers somewhere had made up. It took banning herself from the TV program to restore the balance in her home. If we believe in the TV portrayals of eligible men and satisfying relationships we then become less accepting of the realities out there and only look for partners and relationships that mirror the fantasies we see on TV.

The Mr Right You Think is Right For You
Have you ever thought you wanted something, then got it and realised you didn’t like it at all? It’s forgivable if we don’t know what we actually want sometimes because it takes discovering ourselves to know what we need from others. You might want an MD/CEO because he makes his own money right? His work spells money/comfort and you want that but then come to find out that this self-made type is also uptight, bossy and doesn’t have time to spend with you and all of a sudden you realise that is not what you need. Statements that claim women don’t know what they want might be half true only because all of us don’t always know what we want and sometimes it takes trying this and that to realise what works.

The Mr Right with Good Looks
The one that has all the physical attributes you like in a guy.  I don’t have one thing against fine men but if every man that you can date must be fair, curly haired, bearded, or have a certain standard of beauty to be acceptable then you are limiting your options. Looks are deceiving and it’s a choice not to be deceived because the reality is even the Mami water beautiful and Amazon king endowed are carrying their share of baggage. Guys, just know that with their hips, lips and finger tips, they also come bearing their share of bothersome faults so when next you see one imagine their weaknesses trailing behind them too! Whether your prospect is eye candy or not, date with your eyes closed and your heart open. For looks many have left the 80% they need for the 20% they want.

It might not even be Mr Good Looks that you have your eyes set on; it might be Mr Pastor, Mr Same Tribe, Mr Designer Clothes, Mr Lives Abroad or anyone of the imaginary future husbands you’ve been dreaming up. Could that particular attribute he must have, be the one thing blocking you from being the Mrs? It’s time to reflect and review if that attribute is a real must have.

The Mr Right Who will Wake up and Leave Her
Let’s excuse all the pain it will cause another human being if your wish came through and just blame this on wishful thinking after all, a girl can dream right? But any guy who isn’t presently with you is Mr. Unavailable. He might have your time, he might be on your case, he might even be within reach. He might be all that but what he isn’t is Mr. Right.

The Mr Right Who Doesn’t Offend you, Act out of Character or say “No” to You
We want flawless, frictionless, easy relationships or none at all. He is late for a date and that’s the end? This mentality leaves no accommodation for real guys living in the real world. Mr Right has teeth that bite behind his smile, he won’t always give you butterflies and sometimes the relationship will slow to a boring ebb before building again into a wave of euphoria. This is why we get guys who pretend to be who they are not, because they can see we want Mr Perfect or nothing! A real guy sometimes smells in his pits, slips in his speech, and faults in his deeds! Be realistic about what constitutes a NO-NO.

The Mr Right That Got Away
You’ve met him but by some cruel twist of fate you lost him! He is even married now but you can’t stop loving him, can’t stop comparing every suitor to him. He set a standard no one else can beat abi? Well at least you know why you haven’t “met anyone”! Or maybe he passed and you still feel strongly attached to him by memory. If you tell yourself the truth you’ll see he had flaws and you have simply exaggerated the good parts of that relationship and covered your eyes to the bad. There is someone out there who can love you the way you need to be loved if you set that as the goal; but if the goal is for that person to be your ex, everyone you meet will fall short because hello, they are not him and thank goodness too – because he left you, but they are right here right now.

The Mr Right That Meets Up to Your Standards
Sometimes we think of ourselves more highly than we should, comparing other people’s flaws with our gloss. That feeling of being such a big catch that any man will be lucky to find, makes us focus on potential mate’s flaws and expect too much. We should be realistic. Not all the things you don’t like have to be deal breakers. He may not dress the way you like but maybe he knows how to cheer you out of a bad mood. That’s gold! He does not live in a good part of town today but is it because he wants to cut his coat according to his cloth. He is skimping today while working on owning his own place? That’s wise! It depends on what you decide to see. Standards are all well and good but when you catch yourself being turned off because he doesn’t sound exciting in the mornings, well he might not be a morning person and what’s wrong with that?

The Mr Right From Your 20s
Now you are in a different age range. Your deal breakers should be reviewed because you are not the same girl you were when you first set them. Your shakara should reduce and those games you play with interested guys thrown out the window – you ain’t gat time for that! Your priorities should change from whirlwind romance to settling down and having a family. He doesn’t make a romantic date but he could be a great dad. So he doesn’t spend with abandon on you but is paying a mortgage to secure your future together. Don’t walk away from what you might consider unexciting now but stable and happy later.

The Mr Right you see as “just friends”
I bet he could be a lot more if you gave him a chance. He won’t always be there so if you like him, try him or be that lady who keeps a guy around her with just enough attention to keep him guessing then wakes up to the reality that this doting guy she friend zoned could be attractive to and attracted to another girl.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Rocketclips, Inc.

Omonaikee creates media content on print, online, tv, radio, social media and for events. Her work has been published in Cosmo, Bella Naija, Ynaija, Imbue Magazine, Metropole, +234Next magazine and True love west Africa. She blogs at www.omonaikee.blogspot.com.

55 Comments

  1. CEO

    May 7, 2015 at 11:15 pm

    Hahaha! I’m married and this article is the truth. Mr Right doesn’t exist, just get it out of your mind. It’s shallow and fairytale-ish, meaningful relationships are a lot deeper than that plus you don’t want to be like the skeleton sitting at bus stop in that popular meme.

  2. Theresa

    May 7, 2015 at 11:18 pm

    Real Stuff!!!

  3. evah

    May 7, 2015 at 11:57 pm

    Wow…thank u for dis very insightful piece..I can totally relate.

  4. madman

    May 8, 2015 at 12:15 am

    Everyone has advice to give. My best advice is to pray because only God sees the beginning and the end.

  5. madman

    May 8, 2015 at 12:17 am

    Also, the truth of the matter is this, there are more men than women in this world. Not everyone will get married.

    • oj

      May 8, 2015 at 8:27 am

      excuse me, what is the basis of this statement? what statistics are u using?

    • ACE

      May 8, 2015 at 9:06 am

      Omg! My sentiments exactly but people always rebuke me and tell me that’s contrary to God’s word. Oh well… I give God praise

    • oj

      May 8, 2015 at 9:26 am

      just made research on google that indicates that men outnumber women by 60 million in the world. and according to the 2006 census in Nigeria, men outnumbered women by about 2.2 million.
      my opinion is that women ready for marriage are more than the men ready and willing to get married

  6. madman

    May 8, 2015 at 12:17 am

    More women I mean..**

  7. ShineShineShine

    May 8, 2015 at 12:27 am

    The Mr Right That Meets Up to Your Standards
    Sometimes we think of ourselves more highly than we should, comparing other people’s flaws with our gloss. That feeling of being such a big catch that any man will be lucky to find, makes us focus on potential mate’s flaws and expect too much”

    That got me laughing. When l was still doing shakara, my crazy friend would say… “No price yourself commot for market o!

  8. jennifer

    May 8, 2015 at 1:01 am

    Well said Madam, but I have a problem that’s really bothering me in my relationship, I have a boyfriend we’ve been very good friends since 2009,we are both in different universities but the problem is am older than him with 2 years and he doesn’t see any problems with it..
    Have tried breaking up but no way,I just can’t understand..

    • Grown Woman

      May 8, 2015 at 6:04 am

      if he is matured and serious, Girl you better date that man..age should be the last factor to worry you when it comes to dating…and by the way age does not guarantee maturity.Victoria Beckam is older than David Beckam but who even cares.

    • bruno2

      May 8, 2015 at 7:45 am

      @Grown woman, I dont think so…. some say age is just a number same as a jail is just a room. If @Jennifer already sees it as a problem, how do you think she will submit to him? And for how long will he love a non-submissive wife?

      My dear, the issue isnt in getting married. But staying married.

    • Kenny Jossy

      May 8, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      I don’t age matters, if you love him and he reciprocate, you better hang in there. When i was 22yrs i date a lady of 42yrs, we got along pretty good. To be quite frankly, I enjoy dating older women, they reasoning well, some of them though. Good luck with that.

  9. cindy

    May 8, 2015 at 1:17 am

    Here they come again…..women…women…..women. This write up should apply to men too. The Mrs right fantasies they have about marrying their mothers. This article is filled with so much stereotypes that I just can’t comprehend. One thing I agree with though, is that no one is perfect and you are not perfect yourself. Does it mean having fantasies are bad? No, so long as it’s not detrimental to having a real solid relationship. It also doesn’t mean that you should lower your expectations. Never do that. What I always say is that every man is going to have his own flaws. You choose the man whose flaws you can live with. I’m the type who hates over-dependency and this relates to everyone around me. Even in school, I can’t stand friends who ALWAYS wait on me to do their assignments or ALWAYS expect me to teach them in the exam hall or ALWAYS expect me to pass across class information like I’m their class rep and then get angry if I don’t. We all are adults, we should act like one. No human being owes you anything so whatever priviledge you get from someone is born out of love amd not entitlement or duty.
    Thus, I know myself and I know I can’t stand a grown ass man acting like a kid waiting for mummy to cook, clean, and wait on him especially when she’s not available. I can’t imagine a marriage where the day I happen to come in late by 11pm, hubby is still waiting for me to cook dinner. So if I’m not alive you will die abi?
    I also find the author’s examples very shallow. Not every woman who wants to marry a fair man does so for others to say she has landed jackpot or she’s marrying oyinbo pepper. For someone like me who had to suffer colourism while growing up because I’m very dark skinned and I know how much that has affected my self esteem till today. I don’t want to raise kids that would go through what I went through in a society like this. I’m I ignorant to think fair husband = light-skinned children? Of course not. However, that’s how my mind is programmed and I never see myself falling for Mr Dark no matter our handsome he is. So author, next time please reduce the stereotypes and shallowness of your write ups. That’s all for now.

    • bruno2

      May 8, 2015 at 5:39 am

      @Cindy, hmmmmmmmmm.

    • bruno2

      May 8, 2015 at 7:39 am

      @cindy, why do I sense a hot temper in your voice? There was nothing shallow about the writers post. Rather, it was deep. Calm down the right man will show up

    • cindy

      May 8, 2015 at 10:48 am

      Ha! Bruno2, you concluded I’m hot-tempered just because of a comment. Alright I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come across that way.
      However, I can see what you are trying to insinuate in your comment but sorry to disappoint you, I am not a single girl in my late teenties or early thirties, and even if I was I won’t be bitter about it. So your chauvinistic idea of making me feel bad is an epic fail, it won’t work here dear.

    • Babe

      May 8, 2015 at 8:31 am

      I totally relate with you. I started thinking a lot about what I really wanted. Truth be told a lot of my influences are borne out of my parents very bad marrriage. My father is a baby and that is the truth- he cries at every thing and there is NO WAY am I going to marry a man that I have to babysit or one who is overly emotional. I’m not too much of a lovey dovey lady but I expect that we should a least have a connection, you should be able to speak good english and prounce your words correctly (doesnt have to be phoneh). You should be a MAN. I dont think thats a lot to ask for. I pray God brings a man that has what I want and by his grace I can reciprocate.

    • Emmanuel

      May 8, 2015 at 9:34 am

      Everyman has emotions. When hurt by the woman they love most in the world, some beat her, some sleep with another woman, some drink, some kill her and some divorce her. You should be grateful your dad releases his emotions by crying. I wish you luck.

    • koko

      May 8, 2015 at 9:32 am

      hey Cindy, you know the thing… i’m probably wayyy darker than you are. I had esteem issues too but my mum worked her magic for me. Black is beautiful and that’s what you should focus on when you have kids not making fair babies. What if #teamlightskin is not in vogue when your kids are groeing? what will you do. Be comfortable and be proud. Your kids will be too. If you keep that idea in your mind and by all means find a fair man…. and they take only your genes. Would you love them less?

    • damey

      May 8, 2015 at 11:21 am

      Haba…lol….Feisty Cindy, relax u hear?
      I get it seems to be women all the time, but if someone has something inspiring to share for the ladies, shouldn’t they? If you do come up with something for the guys, trust we are here to digest it as well.
      And pls the write up isn’t shallow. She wasn’t saying this is obtainable for everyone, but for those who find themselves thinking unrealistically. Of course there are exceptions.
      Like you said, don’t settle for less, but I will add, set realistic standards, and be the best of u. Cos while you are waiting for Mr. Right, be sure you are Miss Right.

      P.S, BLACK is beautiful. My younger sis is dark and prettier than me even. Love yourself. Nothing beats self-love. *hugs*

    • chu

      May 8, 2015 at 3:17 pm

      Why do we always get defensive when women are mentioned? It either applies to you or not. Why should I want to read an article about a man, I can not change him, I can only change myself. In that vein I disagree that the article is shallow, a lot of women are caught up in this deceit and the article is an eye opener. If you however feel it does not apply to you, you just read and move on, rather than make a beautiful write up seem worthless..

    • jaguarnana

      May 8, 2015 at 9:34 pm

      Thank you cindy just about to write a similar comment here when I read yours. I was like ha! so I’m not alone in this weird society I live in Nigeria. Please can a MAN write such an article to his fellow men about not having fantasies and closing their eyes and opening their hearts and bla bla bla. He would be d butts of so many jokes to come. Why can’t we women grow up & take responsibility for ourourselves. Like my father says if you like doctors go to where doctors hang out, if you like like tall men please own it (don’t deny it) and go hang out at basket ball courts. I have never heard men say “she may not dress the way you like but maybe she knows how to cheer you out of a bad mood” so just choose the clown of a girl. Dear women own up to your dreams & fantasies and do something about it rather than kill it. Ofcourse don’t be a snob, lazy ass princess who is looking for who to live off. Strive to be d best version of your self and own your desires. Then article author though I found ur writing and thinking childish. Here is an assignment for you why not write an article explaining the reasons behind women’s fantasies. So teach us that our desire to marry a CEO is our innate need to be with a confident man who will protect us so rather than focus on dating CEOs only date men who have shown from their personal successes that they will protect us when it’s crunch time. Instead of telling young women to squash their desires of marrying a fair man who they are obviously attracted to. Show them that they might be attracted to d attention fair men get from people and there are other attributes in a man that attracts attention from people as well and if they can attract a fair man why not..I could go on but I’ll stop here Men are out there taking what they want and are not apologising for it. They want to marry a mother figure they go out and find that mother figure, they want a toyin tomato they work hard at searching for their own version of a toyin tomato, they want a twelve year old they fly her in from Egypt his fellow men don’t guilt trip him and certainly don’t write articles about idol worshiping figure 8 children. Infact they don’t write ish… They just act, make their mistakes and move on…geez women talk sha (including me & my long comment)

  10. Phoenix

    May 8, 2015 at 2:22 am

    #truth#

  11. *Real* Nice Anon

    May 8, 2015 at 4:44 am

    I actually liked reading this. In the end, it is the guy who walks into your life with okwu and action we can see clearly that many women tend to take seriously. If he happens to be good looking then great! if not then there’s nothing wrong with that. either. Attraction is important and gladly that is relative.

  12. Princess

    May 8, 2015 at 5:47 am

    I feel what the author wrote is mostly true when it comes to me most especially how my Mr. Right should look and act. I have a very wonderful kind guy now but he isn’t as handsome or as smooth as I like my men to be. I keep comparing him to the one that got away. It means I’m in deep shit ‘cos I can’t get all the things I want out of my head. I’m gonna try to love him. Gush! Even the thought of that is scary. My deal breaker is if we can’t have passionate sex. Then it’s gonna be a No No!

    • vivian

      May 8, 2015 at 9:19 am

      gurrrrrrrrrl…the sex!
      as long as i am “consigned”…e berra be GOOD!!!
      f**k good looks..give me chemistry n passion!!!

    • Kenny Jossy

      May 8, 2015 at 2:38 pm

      Sex plays 80% in a successful relationship. If a man fails in that department, he’s done. Unfortunately, not every man understands the female body. My advice will be, look beyond handsomeness.

  13. xty

    May 8, 2015 at 8:46 am

    Y does it have 2 b about women….ow abt guys looking 4. Mrs right???? Guys with unreasonable. Wifey characteristics…..Pls talk abt dem 2!!!

  14. xty

    May 8, 2015 at 9:01 am

    Y does it always ve to be about women??? ow about guys with unreasonable wifey characteristics…….arsenal ,manchester,gymnastics.,food expert,washing machine,doctor,ATM!!!!!! they should also be learn to drop some of der criterias!!!!!!

  15. Tosin

    May 8, 2015 at 9:04 am

    i like the article.
    Re: cindy’s comment, yeah i guess men have lists too. the cooking bit ain’t gonna happen. yeah for the first week or two but then i’ll have to be upfront like Bro, you want to keep me, feed me. It’s the easiest way to my heart lol. about the yellow love, glad you like them so, cos i’m team dudu all the way 😀
    as always, whatever. i want the whole buffet. looool.

  16. ACE

    May 8, 2015 at 9:11 am

    Nice piece tho don’t agree with all of it, it should apply to men too @cindy I get u too

  17. Obi

    May 8, 2015 at 9:43 am

    @ Cindy, u shud understand that the issue of fantasy dwells most in women than in men. This write-up affects ladies most. Men also have their issues anyway and remember toke makinwa has a vlog that extols women>>> The role of a woman is one thing that should not be relegated. Pls cindy dnt feel bad when u hear talks abt how a lady should be well placed. The reason for this is because women are special and very delicate. So take a cue. Hello!

  18. JustAgirl

    May 8, 2015 at 10:00 am

    Cindy..just because she used an example of a light skinned guy does not mean she implies that ever girl wants a light skinned guy for a Mr. Right. Your understanding of that is more shallow

  19. JustAgirl

    May 8, 2015 at 10:03 am

    I actually agree with most of the things she said..because that is reality! The reason most of us ladies are still single and unmarried is just for this one fact. Failing to face reality! #truthhurts

  20. jennifer

    May 8, 2015 at 10:09 am

    @ Grown Woman thanks very much, but the fact he is matured it’s just that he behaves like as if he is not proud of me, # he is not romantic at all # compared to the kind of boyfriends most of my friends have, he is more of an Introvert and am more of an Extrovert . But I try not to compare him with anyone because we both have were our characters meet…
    I believe everything boils down to prayer, Only God has the final say..
    #we have our choices but we ask God for his best choice ..
    Thanks..
    #I think a topic should be written about MRS RIGHT, I noticed it, when it comes to relationships it boils down to women only ..
    MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE IT’S A CALLING, NOT EVERYONE IS CALLED TO HOLY MATRIMONY ..

  21. jennifer

    May 8, 2015 at 10:29 am

    @ Cindy what if you get married to an Onyibo guy or a man who is light skinned,and all your children possess your gene would you kill them or love them less.
    BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL AND VERY EASY TO MAINTAIN, THOSE WITH LIGHT SKIN ARE MOSTLY PRONE TO ONE SKIN PROBLEM OR THE OTHER #THOSE WHO APPLY HARSH CHEMICALS ON THEIR SKIN#
    So feel beautiful Cindy, the right man whether black or white would locate you as long as you seek the face if God. ( Be happy)
    @Bruno2 thanks, I would be submissive have always believed that age is nothing but just a number.. why I said it was a problem is that I don’t know what his family or my family would say..# but who cares anyways marriage is not anywhere close we are still good friends..

  22. Open Sesame

    May 8, 2015 at 10:33 am

    OMG! This lady read my mail! I’m a lot better than I was before sha. I’ve gone from not being interested in marriage at all to being interested but married to a Mr Right in my head…I swear our marriage was perfect perfection (only in reality it was a very lonely marriage with just me 🙁
    Then I decided to come back to reality and what do I do? I start to pray and wait for my ‘one who got away’. That was all well and good till the guy got engaged. All this time I didn’t see his flaws (and he has plenty!), I only saw what I wanted to see.

    One day God said to me: ‘Let him mean nothing to you; nail him to the cross’

    Now don’t take that literally cos what God meant was ~” let him go; stop stalking him on social media, stop fantasising about being married to him…let him go so I can bring you a man that’ll adore you. At the cross it was finished so let this finish here and now so you can move on.”

    And so I did just that. It was hard cos my fantasy was my comfort zone, it was my way of escaping but I guess I have to grow up now and live in the real world…that’s what adults do right? 🙂

  23. cindy

    May 8, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Lol…..common don’t be funny. Being dark might end up being in vogue but being light is never going to be out of vogue. I don’t want you to think I hate my colour o. I love my colour especially now that I can take care of my skin properly. I am comfortable in my skin right now. Truth is, for everyone who went througho one or two negative experiences in the past, it becomes one of your ultimate goal in life not to let your children grow though the same. My mum grew up poor and she vowed never to allow are children do the same. That drove her and we are enjoying the fruits of her labour today. I don’t know about you but the level of colourism I suffered eh……when others are being called “stupid” and “mad”, I was called “black like back of pot”. I was made to feel like the ugliest girl everywhere I went. I’m actually very pretty but most people just can’t get past the colour of my skin. It’s sadder really because we complain about racism ourselves. Like I said, I might sound ignorant thinking my kids will be light skinned, I just want my babies not to be as dark as me jare.
    My mum tried to work her magic one too but it was difficult given the fact that she was the one who said “iru omo wo le leyi” when she first saw me. To her babies should be fair with dark spots but I was the opposite. So pls tell me how her magic was supposed to work when I heard that from her?
    Believe me, I know first hand not to love any child less because of a physical feature. I’m just hoping just the same way I’m hoping to have 3 boys and a girl. A girl can dream right?

    • ogeAdiro

      May 8, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      Saying that you’re attracted to light-skinned men is one thing, but saying that you want a light-skinned man in order to have light-skinned kids is something else entirely. The latter suggests that there is something wrong with dark skinned kids. And therein lies the rub. You just let all your tormentors win. Maybe, you should be working on reprogramming your mind because your notions sound unhealthy. You might want to consider talking to a therapist.

    • Tosin

      May 8, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      if you’re very young, ok, there’s time.
      but if you’re an adult and this is what we’re dealing with, let’s try counseling o. these ideas about mixing black and yellow to get grey or whatever, … not good enough. Not even biology supports your theory.
      sorry about the ignorant people that said those ignorant things. but black is beautiful, i’m not making that up. maybe you should meet a guy that worships the way you look…then you’ll see 🙂

  24. cindy

    May 8, 2015 at 10:41 am

    I’m sorry JustAGirl but I think it’s your understanding of my comment that is shallow. My point wasn’t about her generalising. My point was about her finding why some people want some things and not to label people’s wants as “just fantasies”. Experiences in life sometimes define people’s wants and not necessarily because they believe in some fairy-tale.

    • bruno2

      May 9, 2015 at 8:17 am

      After reading your comments @cindy, I can safely conclude you are a child. (Doesnt matter your age) but I know you will grow up……someday. touche

  25. GraceOfGod

    May 8, 2015 at 10:51 am

    @Omonike Odi

    Good morning sister, just to say a BIG BIG BIG thank you. Excellent write up. May GOD continue to bless and inspire you in JESUS name I prayed, amen. Have a great day. So one love and peace <3 <3 <3

  26. beautycee

    May 8, 2015 at 10:55 am

    so many Mr Right are still on the left. when u meet one drag him to the Right. and make him A Mr. Right. there is no Already Mr. Right anywhere. God will help us all. i know one day God will make everything Right for me.

  27. Rachael

    May 8, 2015 at 11:35 am

    My 1st time here…wow this article is so true…thank God ooo now I know what to do

  28. Rahama

    May 8, 2015 at 11:48 am

    All na gist! When you meet the man for you all the items on your checklist will become irrelevant. Dont ugly people marry? Don’t the disabled marry? Have you heard anyone say ‘Oh by the way, I want to marry a short man’? no woman has ever said that but short men marry every Saturday. If you start seriously considering flaws in the person you genuinely like simply means you don’t like them at all!

    As for the article, it’s just there, these are the things we’ve been hearing for years. The long and short of what I got from the article is:

    1. Single women are single because they are TOO choosy

    2. Out of the millions of suitors (i wonder where people get that idea that single women have plenty suitors vying for their hand in marriage, the reality is very different oo) pick one and marry.

    I repeat when you meet a good man that you connect with looks, status etc would seize to really matter!!

    • RIFF RAFF

      May 8, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      Don’t i love u?

    • Rahama

      May 8, 2015 at 5:53 pm

      Love you too Riffy!!!

  29. Alice

    May 8, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    so true indeed… The story of my life

  30. Author Unknown

    May 8, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    This obsession with men sha. How can men start to respect women. What we need to do is relax on this marriage/ coupling obsession. I know that for many women, it’s about the biological clock ticking away (loudly banging for some), I still believe that if we were less obsessed with marital statuses as a society, we’ll do a lot better. Ironically, women are most guilty when it comes to other women. Many married and women in relationships feel like they have one up on their single friends, and in extreme situations have treated single women with disdain. I haven’t even talked about the married or coupled ones comparing their partners.

    While this article is about keeping it real, the subliminal message is that a girl has to settle. I am playing the devil’s advocate here, but some people have expectations because they’ve encountered that ‘expectation’ and not because of some fairy tale romance literature. Many people also seek particular attributes in a partner because of their own personal insecurities. The message should be to teach self love. Love yourself first, enjoy life, relax, and the right partner will come along.

  31. jennifer

    May 8, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    @Cindy you need the grace of God In ur life.. Grow up, you just need it..

  32. chinelo

    May 9, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    @Omonike thanks for ur right up its encouraging.

  33. papermoon

    May 11, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    Personally, I think the different temperaments contributes in our attitude towards marriage. May be Sanguines and Phlegmatics may just want some one for companionship. Their requirements therefore could be anybody’s guess. However Melancholics and Cholerics dont tend to need people very much and may be selective in who they choose to bring into their space, hence the “criterior”. Also because they tend to be perfectionists, they may not be willing to compromise on the attributes they are looking for. Thus some people may be able to settle others may not be able to by virtue of who they are.

    I ve heard of people who discarded their criterior and married some one who did not fit only for them to leave the marriage in the long run because the attraction (or love or whatever) did not grow after the marriage. For them, the attraction was in the criterior. Meanwhile i hear love grows, maybe for some people. Just my observation of a few people and my own experience.

    One thing i know from experience is that its difficult for melancholics to change their mind about what THEY WANT/NEED. If they are pressured into settling, they may never be happy with it (eg. if you make a dress for them and they dont like it, they will never wear it, same applies to many things in their lives).

    Maybe someone with Psychology and marital counselling background may need to speak to these issue (the role of temperatements in choosing a partner extensively) to help us fully understand why some people “easily pick and go” and others “wait”. For all you know thats how God made them. It may help us understand some of these issues a bit more. Just my opinion.

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