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Omonike Odi: The Unannounced Visit to Le Boo

Omonaikee

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Sometime in the lifetime of her relationships, a woman will encounter this widely preached gospel to visit the person she is dating unannounced to catch habits which are not verifiable otherwise. For instance if he is a messy liar, nurses a bad habit or of course, has another woman!

This FBI move is often justified by the fact that you truly don’t know a person until you live with them. There might be merits in seeing the way they live first hand. If there is any doubt about their faithfulness, what better way to ensure they get caught without time to destroy the evidence, than to appear unannounced with a search warrant? And of course there is the surprise visit just for the thrill of giving your better half a good surprise.

Whatever the motive, the unannounced visit has its merits and demerits. For instance it can show the degree of something. For instance, a statement like “I am a casual drinker” might mentally translate a picture of him occasionally consuming shot glass sizes of alcohol once in a blue moon. A visit might reveal several bottles at home and a larger appetite than one imagined. It can also help confirm a hunch- clandestine relationships, the real state of his financial affairs, family dynamics, influences and loyalties etc.

When you think that the impact of a marriage on one’s life can far outlive a lifetime, you want to do as much due diligence as you can. But is the unannounced visit a good or bad idea?

While a go-see can help put a relationship’s troubles in perspective- giving life to those “It’s not you it’s me” statements, it can also jeopardize the relationship when the person wearing the other shoe feels it shows distrust to spring a surprise on them, as though you were looking to catch them doing something.

So for the woman who thinks it is necessary to visit her man unannounced, she has to be prepared for the unexpected, whether positive or negative. It might signal the end of the relationship, if indeed there was another woman. It might not augur well if her partner sees it as an issue of distrust. It can even be a deal breaker especially when the partner has been an open book.

And for man who takes it as a slight…especially if he hasn’t executed his commitment even though he has professed it, he should perhaps be more open to the idea of his love being tested in ways he has not contemplated. This is not just because he has nothing to hide or because his partner is probably naively testing a theory handed down as sisterly advice from one burnt sister to her, but because he realises that these are the things courtships are made of- necessary background checks that re-affirm his partners faith in her decision. A faith she will later need when she has real reason to doubt in the future.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Rocketclips, Inc.

Omonaikee creates media content on print, online, tv, radio, social media and for events. Her work has been published in Cosmo, Bella Naija, Ynaija, Imbue Magazine, Metropole, +234Next magazine and True love west Africa. She blogs at www.omonaikee.blogspot.com.

39 Comments

  1. The girl who flies planes

    May 28, 2015 at 10:58 am

    I still do this shit & let me tell you i have seen so many things that i cannot explain
    1) Caught Le boo making out with some chic & i went home crying. (Nigerian)
    2) Caught Le boo in bed with his “friend”. i laughed hysterically till he thought i had gone mad. We broke up.(Nigerian)
    3) Saw Le boo sleeping peacefully & looking @ me like i was crazy.(Egyptian)
    4) Saw some woman in our house, she was not my mother (daddy’s mistress) Showed up from university unannounced, everyone was in boarding school & mummy was on a work trip.
    So many other instances i cant even talk about!
    I am unapologetic about being an FBI agent.
    The voices in my head tell me what to do & they are always right!

    • A Real Nigerian

      May 28, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      Why are you telling lies?

    • The girl who flies planes

      May 28, 2015 at 2:09 pm

      telling lies in which department?
      Ask the question & i will answer.

    • Jade Dunni

      May 28, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      Men, your reaction in the second situation sounds like the way I’d react. Omg! Girl, you are strong. I pray you find the man who’ll treat you like the queen you are.

    • *Real* Nice Anon

      May 28, 2015 at 3:14 pm

      But she never once mentioned that she’s looking for a man who will treat her right. How incredibly thoughtful of you to just assume.

    • H

      May 28, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      perhaps you need to check it. it happened to your mom, it shouldn’t happen to you. you need to watch the kind of guys you date. not that the nice ones don’t misbehave though, it just makes it easier, you’ve been disappointed like three times…well.. you can’t just leave it like that

    • olu

      May 28, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      Simply put, you can never trust anyone and snooping makes you happy ……good luck with it

    • Opsy

      May 28, 2015 at 4:59 pm

      Thank you!!!

    • Anonymous

      May 28, 2015 at 7:31 pm

      Did you catch the Egyptian guy with a lady? You didn’t state.

    • The girl who flies planes (home PC)

      May 28, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      No, i did not catch my Egyptian boo with anybody.
      I live in the middle east & there is usually a 1pm-4pm break for people who work in certain fields such as car dealerships, gold& minerals, textile, trading, etc
      So i showed up because, he is very good looking & well to do & i did not trust him @ all.
      I got to his house used my finger to block the peephole on his door, rang his bell loudly & consistently till he opened the door in briefs of course all sleepy eyed and shit!
      I dashed straight to his bedroom, there was nobody there,kitchen,toilet. the guy was just looking @ me like i was majnoon (crazy). I was so relieved & disappointed @ the same time cos i expected to find him with a girl.
      My other naija boyfriend that i caught with Rakiel or whatever her name is….. who was his friend always chatting with him & he kept saying nothing was happening between them. Well i showed up one saturday unannounced Rakiel was even wearing the tshirt i usually wear when i stay over. I just rested my case and vamoosed outta there.
      As for my dad’s case i sha told my mother & they were estranged for 2 years…. she eventually forgave him after much ado.

    • Anonymous

      May 28, 2015 at 7:33 pm

      [email protected] the girl who flies planes Did you catch your Egyptian boo with a lady in bed?

    • God's Gold

      May 28, 2015 at 10:30 pm

      I believe you because I listen to the voices in my head and they have never failed me supported by dreams.

    • anonymous

      May 28, 2015 at 10:59 pm

      Ahh good, I thought middle east was unsafe for black people, how are the arabs like towards Africans? Did you face racism? how are arab men like? Are they nice? I am just inquisitive.

  2. akeem

    May 28, 2015 at 11:21 am

    Ignorance is bliss,

    • Amara

      May 29, 2015 at 1:09 pm

      Until HIV and other incurable STIs were discovered

  3. A Real Nigerian

    May 28, 2015 at 11:35 am

    I have not learned anything at all from this poor piece of writing.

  4. fga

    May 28, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    You people should stop wearing deceptive packaging in the name of make-up, corsets and back and front supplementers, using skin lightening creams etc so we men can see the true picture of what is on offer as well since we’re all into looking for the truth. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

  5. Chiedu

    May 28, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Insightful.
    hehehehehehe, me hate coming without notice from creme brulee.

  6. Grown Woman

    May 28, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    lmao @ the girl who flies planes…chai you don’t joke…the funny thing is le boo can even give you his house keys and still be a douchebag…some Nigga’s ain’t loyal.

  7. kaycee

    May 28, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    You can’t even visit my place unannounced, otherwise you will be on a long thing, how are you going to pass the security check and gatepost ? Any lady that tries that is as creepy as hell and I will certainly cut off the relationship. Come on this is 2015, who does that? Bia writer stop promoting Indescrition.

    • me

      June 3, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      This guy has something to hide….Ladies beware. lol

    • eve

      June 9, 2015 at 7:55 pm

      Bia nwoke,wat are u hidin biko?

  8. s.

    May 28, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Precious piece of writing. Well done Omonike.

  9. Naked

    May 28, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    @The girl who flies sosoliso plane…. What kind of intrusion on privacy is that… If u’re coming to visit without informing me, believe me the kind look wey i go give u sef, u’ll almost wish for the ground to open to open up and allow you. Everyone needs their privacy at certain times and some people just don’t like it when people come by without informing them cos they have already planned their day.

  10. D

    May 28, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    When i come to visit without prior notification, trust me, I am not coming to be entertained so for the guys saying you have planned your day as the reason why your partner should not visit unannounced, she does not need you to change your plans, at least I don’t. I surprised my now hubby once not because i did not trust him but because i love surprising people especially in a way that makes them feel good. I had just returned and he was not expecting me (until the following week) he was so shocked but it was also weird as he only had 1 room then and his sister was visiting (was too late for her to leave) and beau would not leave me alone and with sister in the room, although nothing “physical” happened but with two people making out a 3rd wheel will be very uncomfortable. Let’s just saw at first sign of day light, his sister packed her bags to exit, to make matters worse hubby offered to drop her off (as in i can’t wait for you to get the heck out of here). But i really did not expect him to put his plans on hold for me, naaaa that will be extremely selfish. He still went about his business although he asked that i tag along for the most part. But for the EX I did it for FBI moves and i will catch this dude with another woman in bed and he will lie and swear that she was his friend’s girlfriend who was waiting for said friend. But you both had to “wait” together in bed ok ooo…. That dude made me realize that lying is a learned art and some people decide to get Doctorate in this particular art.

  11. Married to an investigator

    May 28, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    My husband came back from Kenya unannounced!! All the while we spoke he kept telling me how he had ‘not rounded up’ he was staying a few weeks longer etc
    Anyway that one was his headache, I was home alone watching my Telemundo when he showed up at the door – I don’t know what he was expecting, however he met me with unshaved legs and an obvious absence of a Brazilian wax – I don’t think he will try it in future.

    • Ewa

      May 28, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      LOL

    • papermoon

      May 28, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      if you guys were married then he surely must have seen the “unshaved” legs and “unwaxed” things before…..or. And why will you shave your legs… does it get that hairy? Please no mischief oo, just wondering

    • oy

      May 28, 2015 at 6:00 pm

      hahahahhhhahhahhahahahahhhahaahhaha, you don’t need to really be “on top of your game” as some will put it. Your hubby, i’m sure loves you with hairy legs just as he does when they are unhairy.lol

  12. papermoon

    May 28, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    Dropping in unannounced is normal between people in a relationship and it will be wired for any partner to be offended by it or to read meaning into it.! If i drop by and you are not in, you are not in, thats my tea. If you have plans for the day, ok go while I spend sometime with your furniture and tv. We shouldnt have any problem about this should we? no need for unnecessary protocol (YOU MUST ALWAYS GIVE NOTICE BEFORE VISITING). In fact I ve never heard anyone complain before.

  13. Day dreamer

    May 28, 2015 at 8:10 pm

    You people no go die on top man matter

    Men are this, men are that but all your thoughts and livelihood is built around them
    From all these articles, we know what constitutes your thoughts.

    If you visit me unannounced, you are on your own.

    Visiting a girl unannounced is the worst cos all those your secrets would be unleashed- Your fake head to toe (fake hair, fake brow, fake lashes, fake makeup, fake beauty, fake boobs, fake flat stomach, fake bum/bum pad, fake nails)

    If guys are to visit their girls unannounced, many wont pass friendship/dating level. All what we see outside is a fallacy

    • papermoon

      May 29, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Ohhh my dear, the ugliest girl with no make up still has a male admirer ooo, dont decieve yourself. the ugliest, unsightliest* woman will still serve a purpose for a man. If you doubt me, observe the married women out there and tell me how many of them are *beauties*. (this is not to put any woman down, but i just dont know a betterr way to say it)

    • papermoon

      May 29, 2015 at 1:49 pm

      “Your fake head to toe (fake hair, fake brow, fake lashes, fake makeup, fake beauty, fake boobs, fake flat stomach, fake bum/bum pad, fake nails)”

      Women dont really need all that to attract a man, get to the friendship level, to the relationship and marriage. A lot of women can do it just as they are and many have done and guess what they married MEN!!!!

  14. Colour Purple

    May 28, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    This post brought back memories, hmmm! The person I dated before my husband was in a league of his own, the two times I showed up unannounced, I met women at his, both tying towels. The first time he told me his friend slept over and went to the ATM, so the babe was waiting for him, said friend showed up but didn’t look like he even knew the girl (in hindsight) but he pretended they were chummy. It took a second occurrence for my eye to clear *sigh*.
    When I was dating my husband we lived in different countries, I decided to pay a surprise visit and one of my aunts told me I should better not go and surprise myself. I prepared my heart and mind for whatever could happen and with some secret service moves showed up at his unannounced. The shock and joy on his face was unforgettable. There was no sign of another woman anywhere, even from the under g snooping I did, couldn’t find anything. I knew he was a keeper. Several years later, he still is *wink wink*

  15. Animal Doctor

    May 28, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    But how insecure can one be to pull such a stunt, seriously? When you get to the point when you get a key, then the concept of arriving unannounced obviously doesn’t exist anymore. Anything before then, you’re just being silly. Every person who has tried this foolishness with me ‘didn’t meet me at home’.

  16. skits

    May 30, 2015 at 11:17 am

    I have never done it cos I believe that when your cup is full, I will catch you.

  17. henry lo

    May 31, 2015 at 8:37 am

    Maybe good for a couple trying to find their footing in God. A healthy, God-operated relationship that is spirit controlled has trust at the center. Once that trust is betrayed, there is no point. If u have doubts pls visit unannounced. And the fact that u found him asleep alone today doesn’t mean he is clean. He probably got lucky. A sound man will always be asleep though.

  18. Ebele

    June 1, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    Honestly, I have never done this.never crossed my mind.

  19. O

    July 20, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    Can’t afford any surprise visits kwa. Thing is if you’re honest in your relationship, you’ll find out if there are discrepancies without trying. The issue is after being betrayed a few times, one could get jaded.

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