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Esco: Love You Baby, But You Need a Stylist

Esco

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My Missus Nwanyioga rocks a wig during the day. She looks uber cute with it on. The wig comes off when she gets home. She has a shaggy mop of hair underneath, which I always tease her about. She looks like a mad scientist who has been electrocuted during an Integrated Science project with NEPA tension cable (I am probably in hot Onugbu soup after she reads this – the things I do for poetic merit). Hello bae.

I hate that wig, and have appealed to her to get rid of it many times, and “plant” a weave on instead. She has dismissed my many appeals, like an election tribunal.

I once thought about burning the wig – douse it with kerosene from a Capital Oil filling station, but it may refuse to catch fire like the Federal Secretariat. I also thought about slipping it into her friend’s handbag so that the friend could unknowingly cart it away on her trip; but said friend would probably discover it at the airport and drop it back off at our door. Imagine my horror when I find the wig in a parcel on our front door the next morning – standing there, smiling at me like a bill from the Lagos State Property Tax people.

So I hid the damn wig under our bed like Achan hid the gold booty from Jericho, but my daughter Otaakara saw it when looking for her Barbie, and fished it out . She handed it over to her grateful mum, who never lets it out of her sight these days. That wig must have 9 lives or something. Besides, like a Sahara Reporter, my baby daughter Otaakara has a knack of finding things, she is not supposed to see. I am really thinking of investing in a childproof safe to keep Otaakara out of my business, but I am sure she will discover the combination numbers somehow, by watching Sesame Street or something. Maybe I should invest in a bulletproof door, the type used in banks, for my bedroom door – then wear the key around my neck every time.
That’s it – I am enrolling Otaakara in the bloody military once she is old enough.

The truth is – the wig itself is not the culprit. It looks divine on Nwanyioga; it is the lack of, that is the problem. As I keep telling Nwanyioga, I think it is unfair that you rock the wig during the day, wowing your work colleagues as well as the outside world with your beauty; but me, your hubby, your Di, your prince, the one who should enjoy your elegance gets to suffer once you take it off.

To her credit, she has explained that the wig is easier to maintain, especially as she works out 5 times a week. I have now dropped the wig matter, as my wife has more or less told me, that it is here to stay like a relative whose visit has turned into permanent domicile. Happy wife, happy life. Happy in-laws too, and if you are Igbo like me, you would realize how crucial that is to your peace of mind.

I am quite liberal-democratic when it comes to my wife’s fashion or style choices. I encourage her to wear what she wants, and never attempt to place any type of restriction on her. Obviously, I would protest if she decided to wear a very short miniskirt – the type which shows some of your bush, known in local parlance as “cross-no-gutter.”
Other than the wig, I couldn’t care less if she went natural, did Brazilian/Columbian weave or did braids. I probably would not like Gorimakpa or that short hair look from the Pacesetter book series. Oh, and I probably will have to restrain her if she tried to wear an Indian sari out, as I believe it looks ridiculous on certain Nigerians.

I do not dictate what she should wear, like Kanye. Last week, I paid for a racy jumpsuit she liked and she intends to rock it to some house-party we are going to at a friend’s next week. I like when she shows some leg – she has great pins. My neighbor Onwubiko is the opposite – he was warned his spouse not to wear skinny jeans or those tights with abstract colors that show the outline of the female nyash.

I like to show off Nwanyioga in public, like a short man with a tall wife. Some friends think it is bad business, as it will deter potential side chicks; but I find that a man who treats his wife like a golden eagle is even more desirable to pigeons and doves that want to perch… not that I am looking for that kind of reaction. I do not like bird shit on my windshield. A rolling stone gathers no moss, and I roll and roll like a pangolo. The cause of woman trouble, can be new girls.

Sometimes Nwanyioga asks for my solicited opinion, especially when she is playing dress-up. The wisdom of many moons of marital co-existence, plus the lure of peace especially during my football matches, has taught me to choose my words very carefully.

Nwanyioga: Esco boo, compare me to Tiwa Savage; who is fatter?
Esco: Err, Tiwa is preggers now. So it is hard to tell.
Nwanyioga: Huh? So as I am right now, you are saying that I am bigger than even a pregnant Tiwa?
Esco: ???
Foot in the mouth disease: it is that infectious ailment that men contract when females ask them questions that have no right answer. A bit like, when someone asks how was your night?

I once drove her to the stores for a bit of shopping, and she wouldn’t let me sit it out in the car. I walked over 5 miles through racks of clothing at H&M, as she asked my opinion about every single outfit in her size. Left to her devises, she would only choose the slimming colors of blue, indigo, black and dark blue. As I do not want people to mistaken her for a widower, I tried to coerce her into choosing palettes of the rainbow like red, yellow and pink, and stuff with vertical stripes.

My wife lives in jeans, small tees and flats. For work, she prefers neutral colored pants and a fitted button-up. I like when females dress really girly, like in short summer dresses – or those fancy tank tops with cut-off shorts or something. There is something really hot about a chick in skirts or dresses. So as wifey was picking up the umpteenth pair of work pants, I opined “Sweets, have you ever considered getting skirts for work instead. You know like those really smart long ones I have seen certain co-workers wear these days. I think they are named after utensils or stationery”

Wifey thought for a moment before laughing it off “Oh you mean – pencil skirts. For comfort at work, I prefer pants”
“So did Fela” I muttered under my breath.
She looked at me suddenly “Huh, what did you say”
“Oh nothing. Just that you look like Cinderella”

I waited outside the dressing room area as she tried each and every outfit, and came out for me to tell her what I think, just like an aristo Chief in a Nollywood film, except that there was no store assistant with a long stick to bring down clothes.

My wife also cannot stand some of my wardrobe choices. I have this denim shirt that I find every excuse to wear, and anytime I pull it out, she teases by shouting “One Nation!
I have another shirt, that she absolutely hates because she feels it is too small for me. She would tease “1995 has called to say it wants it shirt back”

Girls have the benefit of stomach girdles; men have to suck belle, make shirt fine – to make it fit.
There’s this brocade I have which has been starched to within an inch of its life, so stiff that it makes me walk like the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz when I rock it. My missus once announced, as I tried it on for a church event “Love, you are not going anywhere with Otaakara and I, looking like that.”

She likes me in shorts, smart button ups, or in a dark fitted suit. My birthday suit too.
There can be a benefit when you get involved in your beloved’s style/fashion choices. Nwanyioga has done her bit for charity by putting clothes that I would have otherwise clung to, even though they had seen better days, in a box marked “One Nation.” It is usually light-hearted mick-taking or banter.

I had this associate who used to complain that his girl dressed like a “mama”. It is usually that complaint rather than the other way round. My girl dresses too sexy – said no man ever.

I know this dude who chided his wife when I went to pick them up for an event. Holding up a copy of ThisDay Style, he chided her “Why can’t you dress like Eku? I am tired of this your Alatika fashion sense”
I felt for his wife – to be fair there was no way she could realistically dress like Eku. She was about 300 odd pounds. Some of us men can be jerks.

What do you feel about the style or clothing choices of your significant other? Have you ever tried to help them with a wardrobe revamp, or help influence their dress, hair or make-up? Or did you yourself need brushing up by a love interest? As you share, let us watch and support our new government who will assume power this coming weekend, and hope that they would not be wolves in sheep’s clothing. Nigeria will prevail.

You were the Reebok vandal, now you wear Chanel sandals/
I made you – why would I play you/

R-Kelly feat Notorious Big (You To Be Happy, 1995)

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Wavebreakmedia Ltd

Fellow Nigerians, it is with the utmost pride and sincerity that I present these memoranda as a living testament and recollection of history in the making during our generation. Preamble: Esco is a lampoonist, content provider for hire, and convener of the blog Literati: Satires On Nigerian Life www.woahnigeria.wordpress.com, which is a symposium to project the conditions of every Nigerian and inspire young people all over the world. He is currently working on his memoirs “The Great, Wonderful Adventures of Esco”, which will be available in 2016. Esco can be reached for scripting writing, ghost writing and editing work by email at [email protected] Oh, and he occasionally tweets at @Escowoah.

65 Comments

  1. DAME

    May 28, 2015 at 9:25 am

    ESCOOOOOOO for the ladies them !!!
    so Esco is married….hian Nwanyioga we hail thee o
    Yea i have been at this point…am alwaaaaaaaaaays styling my BF….he wud roll his eye but comply abeg everyone wants their SO to look their best …its as imp as the rel itself
    i enjoyed this write-up once again

    and err esco dont enrol otaakara in any army abeg lools

  2. Thatfinegeh

    May 28, 2015 at 9:28 am

    LOL…Very interesting read.

    My boyfriend has this very annoying 1820 pair of shoes that whenever he puts it on I have instant headache…. I will soooo “douse it with kerosene from a Capital Oil filling station” on my next visit,

  3. omooba

    May 28, 2015 at 9:35 am

    Laughed out LOUD at your article!! I LOVE your use of – and play on – words. Keep writing, Esco. I will keep reading 🙂

  4. Dammy

    May 28, 2015 at 9:37 am

    Long write up but nice…

  5. pretty young thing

    May 28, 2015 at 9:59 am

    Interesting piece! Was spellbound to the end. Personally, I love wearing my own hair (woven in all back didi or packed in a bun-hair is abt 14inches) I know it looks good on me and as I don’t have patience for sitting for long hours in a salon/feeling the strands of weave flying across my face, boo and I get in arguments about my hair. He even bought me one Cambodia ability na Mongolia hair; fixed for one week and took it off; couldn’t stand the heat! As for clothes; we are on the same page most times….so I guess we are good

  6. Dara

    May 28, 2015 at 10:06 am

    Wow I Rili Enjoyed Reading Ur Write~up Esco

  7. swankie

    May 28, 2015 at 10:07 am

    Damn !!!

    This made me laugh soo hard !!!!
    Because mine was the opposite!!!!!!!!!
    i always loved dressing my Ex bf ,i always want to make him look very stylish for any event he is going for . but he never never makes it easy

    At last dat was one of the lame reasons for the break up ! Good radiance !!!

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 28, 2015 at 1:06 pm

      *riddance

  8. Ennie

    May 28, 2015 at 10:15 am

    Good piece. I have 2 dresses i wear @ home that my hubby totally detest, and i can’t fully understand why cos they are sooooo comfortable. Well, i have stopped wearing them after he shaved the annoying Osama beard he’s been spotting for awhile. Lol!

  9. Ada Nnewi

    May 28, 2015 at 10:23 am

    Very Funny article…My ex thought i showed to much skin, my current bf thinks I could show a little more skin, he likes seeing men stare when we head out..however this means i have to hit the gym more often to keep those pins toned and take a trip to the saloon more regularly to uproot and replace planted weaves as i hate wigs…

    • OmalichaNwa

      May 28, 2015 at 5:42 pm

      AdaNnewi, what do you do for a living again? Seeing you are always on BN yearning dust.

    • The happy one

      May 28, 2015 at 9:00 pm

      #monitoringspirit#

    • Colour Purple

      May 28, 2015 at 9:15 pm

      Aunty, if you were that busy you wouldn’t notice whether or not she comments regularly. Hypocrite oshi!

    • Amanda

      May 28, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      You wouldn’t know she is always on BN if you weren’t always here yourself. It’s like someone staring at you and telling you to stop looking at them. How did you see the person in the first place. Does that make sense?

    • The log in your eye

      May 29, 2015 at 2:05 am

      **salon
      You were so quick to point out someone else’s grammatical error.

  10. That girl

    May 28, 2015 at 10:30 am

    The word play and very simple words that almost everyone could relate to made it more intresting. Seemed like the doting Husband anyways.

  11. oy

    May 28, 2015 at 10:31 am

    lolllllllllllllllll.

  12. Great Lady

    May 28, 2015 at 10:38 am

    So Esco is married? interesting. Anyway nice article as always. I wouldn’t mind influencing Le boo’s dressing, even though I’ve never done that. I don’t know how to bring it up. Funny thing is Le boo always has an opinion about my outfits.

  13. brown-ice

    May 28, 2015 at 10:39 am

    I loooooove this write up. Interestingly funny too. God bless your Nwanyioga and Otaakara.

  14. Kay

    May 28, 2015 at 10:41 am

    Chai, Esco u 10much. Im d laidback, simple and subtle dresser but my fiance, seeing me on a jeans and polo is like i just killed him, now mum and fiance are doing collabo on my head, if im with mum and my outfit doesnt impress her, she wont say anything, she dials fiance number and report. What i do now, before we go out, i ask for her permission or rather she selects my cloths before yawa go gas…. love your writeup joor

  15. Jane Public

    May 28, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Oh, i started on Le Boo stealthily, i changed his wardrobe within a year without him noticing and we weren’t even married yet. Yes, I like my men rough around the edges a little, but this man was taking it too far. I don’t know how a man can look like a GQ model during working hours and at evenings and weekends look like a bum. I had the same problem as you Esco. Why do his work colleagues get to see his better self. Not fair. My tease for him was his dress sense is schizophrenic. No offence to people suffering from that mental condition. His wardrobe looks like it is owned by two different people. The first day I saw it, Lord knows i almost checked under the bed to be sure he wasn’t hiding someone else there. Like you Esco, he can wear one shirt till the farmers at the cotton field scream, you don’t want us to make a living again. “peer pressure” from work dictates his dress sense for the office, Lord have mercy his colleagues at Le Bank can model for a fashion magazine, everything on point from the hair to the shoes. The gay and straight ones. I think it is the gay ones that tension the straight ones sef, who don’t want to carry last and they too fall in line. I can shop for Africa, Asia, North and South America join, so i started buying him stuff, and stealthily throwing away other stuff, in collusion with his cleaning lady. Today this shirt will get lost at the laundry, tomorrow it is those jeans and gradually, they disappeared. To be successful at it, you need the help of an outside party. When we go out, I stylishly ask him to wear his work shirts, roll up the sleeves so it looks less formal, or pick something i bought and small by small his friends and family started commenting positively on the change, the entire time, i made it look like it was his idea. Now, I get my suave man at the evenings and weekends. The only things that didn’t get binned were his college sweats and tees though. No matter how much I have been eyeing those things, and shift them to the back, they still mysteriously find their way out and i have given up but won’t cross the line because of their sentimental value. I can’t spend all this time dressing up, looking good for myself and you, and you can manage to do the same. Ah Ah, only a few items of clothing and footwear. Compare that to how many things i have to put on, plus makeup too.

    • Jane Public

      May 28, 2015 at 10:52 am

      *can’t manage

    • whocares

      May 28, 2015 at 1:27 pm

      Brings out note pad and starts taking notes frantically..

    • ShineShineShine

      May 28, 2015 at 5:50 pm

      I think the best dressers are gay guys. Their sense of style is 1st class. Who Remembers -Queer eyes for the straight guy? My gay colleague at work is a delight anytime and every time.

  16. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    May 28, 2015 at 11:02 am

    Esco for president!!!! You are such a witty writer.

  17. just a girl

    May 28, 2015 at 11:03 am

    wow great, i like the write up

  18. cleo

    May 28, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Le Ex had very poor wardrobe sense. Had a stomach the size of John Ibu but would love to wear tight fitting tshirts like Ebuka Uchendu wears his pants and be feeling hot like when Alexx Ekubo rocked his coat of many colors to 2015 AMVCA . When i tried to help him make better choices when shopping he was all leave me, it is my money. I am like na wa ooo, use your money to insult yourself? #ain’tnobodygottimeforthat.
    Truth is, itis people that need a stylist that do no even want to see a stylist but feel hottest.

  19. Thatgidigirl

    May 28, 2015 at 11:33 am

    Esco so now that u’ve told me u’re married what do you want me to do with all these feelings? bottle them and retail in lagos traffic like groundnut? I started dating my oga with the impression that his dressing was something i could work on. I’m of the opinion that the only jewellery a man should own is a wristwatch, however oga steps out looking like like a high life musician all the time…I call him Bright Chimezie. When he gets back home, it takes him like 5 mins to take of all his metals, and i cringe at the sound of them hitting the jewellery tray. Recently he has put on some weight but is having a hard time accepting that fact. with the now prominent belly, i have been struggling to make him let go of his slim fit natives. Let’s not even talk about the hair cut, my bf has shown me that a bald man can “barb” punk. Why it is so hard for him to embrace his baldness as his family trademark and get a very graceful skin cut beats me. He choses to sugar coat the alopecia by calling it ‘widow’s peak” and then goes ahead to “style” the three “seed” of hair. i have chosen to believe this is a mid life crisis, and it may get better….till then let me focus on my bright chimezie’s awesome personality.

    • Sugar

      May 28, 2015 at 12:37 pm

      OMG i died reading this. You’ve killed me with laughter. Metal chains and legs chains coupled with been bald with tadpole leg all join. loooool LWKMD

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 28, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      LMAO!!!!

    • whocares

      May 28, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I had to work sooo hard not to actually laugh out loud and roll around on the floor.
      I like how Uncle Esco subtly told us he was married without trying to seem like he was. He now broke our hearts, but then quickly “chooked” a spoonful of laughter in our mouths and turned us into those confused babies that dont know if they want to cry or not; and we are all like “huh?” I AM ON TO YOU!

    • B&B

      May 28, 2015 at 1:33 pm

      Was trying soo hard to bottle up the laughter since i am sitting close to my managers. But i lost it at “bald man can barb punk”. You are cray cray, LMAOOOO!!!!!!!!!

    • Whocares

      May 28, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      I absent mindedly picked up my office phone as I was reading it and I actually giggled a bit. as I was talking to the client. I had to cover it up with a cough.

    • True that

      May 28, 2015 at 2:50 pm

      No ways!! Apart from the nice witty write up, this comment is hilarious ooo.. Hahahaha.
      Nne please focus more on the personality & leave the bright chimezzz part.

    • oy

      May 28, 2015 at 3:19 pm

      OMG. you had me laughing at “bald man can barb punk”

    • Blackbeauty

      May 28, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Girl, you are funny. Got me laughing even more than Esco did. OAN, how is it that you guys didn’t know Esco is married and with a daughter? You need to look for an article he wrote some months about his daughter. It’s my favourite article of his to date.

    • nene

      May 28, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      ur comment is too funny. 2 odekus for this comment biko.

    • Esco

      May 28, 2015 at 4:35 pm

      Thatgidigirl, your comment has me reeling here. Yep there are ways of barbing punk with bald hair. It is not about the size of the follicles, it is what you do with them. Abeg free Mr. Gidi to enjoy his afro o.

    • Hermione

      May 29, 2015 at 8:47 pm

      Have you considered writing professionally? your comment was a delight to my eyes.

  20. Iris

    May 28, 2015 at 11:35 am

    LOL!
    First of all, if you hadn’t said you were Igbo, I’d have thought you were the blogger Naija Husband writing under yet another pseudonym. There is actually more than one Nigerian male as awesome as you two? We thank God!
    Secondly, thank you thank you thank you for spelling the word ‘n-y-a-s-h’. It probably isn’t a proper word with correct spelling, but based on pronunciation alone it drives me crazy that so many people spell it ‘yansh.’ Irrational pet peeve…

  21. Ms. Brown

    May 28, 2015 at 11:39 am

    Well i am not particularly thrilled by today’s article… but most people are so far…i wonder if its just me. Anyways, i had this top, i didnt think i wore it so much but it was apparently so bad that my ex was willing to buy it off from me. he asked me to send it over to him in PH and he was gong t send me money for it. But what he didnt know was i love that top more than silver or gold. And my angry bird tees nko??? i have to restrain myself everytime i am about to reach for it. sigh. some clothes are just meant to suffer!

  22. babygiwa

    May 28, 2015 at 11:56 am

    Esco is bae. I loveeeeeeeeeeeee your articles. God bless your family. For me, I dress to kill. So no need to revamp anything.

  23. [email protected]

    May 28, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    This got me in stitches
    “Nwanyioga: Esco boo, compare me to Tiwa Savage; who is fatter?
    Esco: Err, Tiwa is preggers now. So it is hard to tell.
    Nwanyioga: Huh? So as I am right now, you are saying that I am bigger than even a pregnant Tiwa?
    Esco: ??? ”

    any answer he gave was definitely going to be a wrong answer

  24. Abena

    May 28, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Esco ‘for the mandem”.Gosh you are such a brilliant writer!You should have seen the smile on my face..It was like the cat who brought in the canary…..
    As for the wigs..i totally agree with your wife:the moment i get to my gate,its off and the freedom i experience is just exhilarating!Especially as i work out too,i braid my natural hair so mine its not a mop. …
    Yup,i have ALWAYS tried dressing up my boyfriend’s.Although,i love my men stylish,they never come my way,its always the bookworms i get so i end up taking them thru “Abena style 101” class and because they are such brilliant guys,they catch up in no time…

  25. Grown Woman

    May 28, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    hahahaha beautiful write up…women eh we really can torture these men i think the most ridiculous question we always ask “Baby do i look fat in this”deep down we all know the answer but as soon as the guy says something negative it will be WAR lol i think most guys hate going shopping with us ladies the most one can spend is 1 hour lol we shop all the time and still won’t find something to wear.The struggle of being a woman is real.:)

  26. Ehiwarior

    May 28, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Esco nwoke oma, may your ink never run dry. Keep writing and muah will keep reading.

  27. Jesbadoma

    May 28, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    Impressive write up Esco.

  28. Fatzy

    May 28, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    Wow, This is a very nice article, easy to grab and fun to read, I love the names used especially Otaakara. lol

  29. mama dammy

    May 28, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    Wow nice article Esco….was actually smiling throughout.
    When i met my husband he had this safari suits he liked wearing and he is on the slim side… i hate safari suits with a passion! Stylishly i got him to stop wearing them by buying him new clothes and dropping some hints.
    on his part if he does not like anything am wearing he just says ….what is this you are wearing? and that is that…the clothe don enter recycle bin be that o.

  30. Niola

    May 28, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Men that wig business is the truth!!… I am with your wife on that, underneath it is my very well put together single plaits also known as calabar…Hubby doesnt complain , dude hardly complains about my fashion sense, i bet it means i dress to kill, heh eheh heeh, me on the other hand!! kai kai kai, Complainant no 1!!1 i don’t like it when his pair of trousers are extremely wide , that is shokoto labu labu, i love him in white tees, and will keep buying them for him, then his shoes, kai don’t like it when it is four cornered like square, prefer them pointed, woh, he just says your wahala is plenty and obliges . I tell him i love my man looking good, it is an attractive feature
    When i ask for his opinion on my clothes, whether good or bad i do take it in good faith because the dude hardly interferes with my fashion sense ..

  31. pabara

    May 28, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    Welldone Esco..Smiling and laughing so hard. I had this dress also which my Mum (actually gave me) and late Uncle were always looking out to snatch from me. I would wash this dress on my way to the bathroom and my faithful gown, dried and ready for me to wear by the time I was done. Finally got the dress burnt by fire as I was trying to turn on the gas and it was like a party for them. Hilariously, this fire burnt the dress around my stomach and instead of my Mum and Uncle to be thankful for not being hurt. They showed gratitude to God for finally helping them out with the dress.

  32. Es

    May 28, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    I am at work and I burst out laughing and people kept asking me what was so funny because I was choking on my tea as well. Thanks for the laughs Esco. I gave my ex so many subtle hints and at one point, he asked me to go shopping with him and pick up things. It was so unexpected because he’s such a “macho” “I got this” kinda guy.

  33. glowwy

    May 28, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    Very hilarious article Esco, keep it up. My own case is different. Before i met le boo, my dress sense wasn’t exactly crappy, but more like 80 percent casual with no heels or make up on. Thankfully he was patient enough to subtly introduce me to some youtubers and stylishly hinted on how he would love his Babe to look. So far it’s has worked! I now wear heels and apply make up, Funny enough I like how I look now than before. The only down side is my MB :(, I don’t think he has a problem with his style tho, So won’t want to change anything.

  34. Bam bam

    May 28, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    Thatgidigirl you are mad woman!!

  35. Time

    May 28, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    Lol, interesting write up. My bobo is 6’4 and was so big that when we met (a colleague at work introduced us) I took one good look at him and said “Hell to the no!, this one will suffocate me if he climbs me o” i’m 5’4 (Sad face), and he was and still is the darkest person I’ve ever met. I just couldn’t mention one thing i liked about him physically but he is such a sweetheart and can give his eye for his loved ones. I was also discouraged by his 10 month old pregnancy (yes, he looked very pregnant) and style sense and I tried so hard to look for reasons to keep him at bay but none of that worked, he was very persistent. I spoke to my mum about him and she advised me to look beyond the tiny details I could help him work on reminding me that i wasn’t perfect either. He joined a gym, started working out regularly after work, i started researching healthy meal plans for the both of us, sent him style trends to compliment his height and build, encouraged him to change his wardrobe (this was inevitable due to his weight loss), grew his beards oh so sexy, i can’t take my eyes off him these days. He’s still struggling with small stomach pouch (even though he’s been singing “6 packs loading” for the past 1 year), still wears some unflattering “blouse” from time to time lol, and is still the darkest person i know but its one of the physical attributes i admire the most about him now. Fast forward 2 years, we got engaged on my Birthday in last month! We are both works in progress and God willing we’ll continue to be better versions of ourselves.

    • Miss Mo

      May 28, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      Oh my goodness, you are hilarious.

    • whatwillbewillbe

      June 4, 2015 at 6:42 pm

      Lovely. Wish you both the very best.

  36. Nonamespls

    May 28, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading that, my hubby is the fashionista of the family, his mum would tease he does enough shakara for both of us. I on the hand was a jeans and tshirt cross body bag kind of girl, he loves me in figure hugging dresses and this was fine till da little one came along ,now i am constantly wearing loose tops to hide my muffin top, i have had him ask me on more than one occasion why i buy oversized clothes lol trust me they aren’t He would say i should wear these dresses nevertheless biko how??? he still buys them and i sometimes squeeze in it for occasions i have redirected his passion to bags and shoes when he tries to style me.

  37. tiny colored miracle

    May 28, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    Ur family,God bless o jae,normally,am a no-make up person o,bt ds day I decided to do little make up,le boo said it dsnt fit me,heheeh,na I’m I carry myslf jeh jeh,now,ehn,i jst cary my natural face with ma crazy behaviour,ko kan aye,boys on d street sef stil dy call sombory…”hello sister,hi gorgeous” nd am like with dese face dt needs God….abeg,commot!

  38. Elllo Bae

    May 28, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    I love this article. It came at the right time because I am at my wit’s end. Le boo’s dress sense always has me worried. I never know what to expect. He dresses very well to work but anywhere besides that…Tamuno! Lord help me.
    I just saw him today and he had on matching beige coloured polo shirts and khakis. Jesus! I just swallowed my complaint. It was neither the place nor time for that. I have decided to hide that shirt and replace it. It’s his “uniform” and I cannot stand it. We have an outing together tomorrow and im going to subtly suggest that we both leave from his place so that I can pick his outfit. My man is a representation of me. I make sure to compliment him when he looks hot! I love him tooo much to allow him walk around looking like one boyboy. Tamuno si woriso!

  39. Tosin

    May 28, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    ‘My birthday suit too’ is all I remember. 😉

  40. fineola

    May 28, 2015 at 7:33 pm

    LMAO @”use your money to insult yourself”

  41. regina

    May 29, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    Esco i dont agree with you, its men like you that makes some women to have low self esteem,there is nothing wrong for a woman with short low cut or without hair atleast its better than all this fake hair. Must we all be trendy or fashionist? Must we all wear brazillian wigs,weave,braids to look beautiful to be accepted by the so call husband,boyfriend?,or must the man be a model,hansome,rich,dress very well before the wife,girlfriend or fiancee can accept him? Many women and men have lost thier soulmate for stupid reasons,we all need to accept every FLAWS and IMPERFECTIONS of others and ours.

    • Morolake

      June 1, 2015 at 2:29 pm

      There would always be that person who would miss the humor in the gist and take life too seriously.
      Last time i checked, she”s his wife and its a good thing they communicate so well that he can even tell her how he feels about her appearance. You are the same person who will have his head if he goes out to admire or cheat with another lady
      And please his wife doesn’t sound like anyone about to have low self esteem from what her husband said. Didn’t you read her response? The wig is here to stay and Esco has accepted his fate…lol.

      I feel Esco on the wig matter cos le boo has complained about mine too, he says my wig makes me sexy during the day and i show him sikiratu at night. The didi/plaits are just so easy for workout & gym sessions cos of sweaty & itchy scalp after running. What I try to do is braid from time to time and also when i have the plaits on at night, i just tie my scarf the trendy way.

  42. Ama Ghana

    June 1, 2015 at 8:44 pm

    OMG Esco!!!!!! This article is amazeballs. I love it. I’m so jealous of your wife right now.

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