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Ugochi V. Ukah: Marriage Tests on the First Date

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Naturally, dating should be a relaxing scenario to get to meet and know more about a potential partner or friend but unfortunately, most of the time, this is not so. I have been on several dates that felt more uncomfortable than a job interview and by the time the dates were over, I knew I would not go on a second date with them. It almost feels like everybody, especially in Nigeria, is in a hurry to settle down when they get to a particular age such that they ignore the important aspects of dating and courtship processes. It has come to my notice that there are some questions or topics areas which come up recurrently when I go out on dates, mainly about food, children, and job/money. Probably these questions would not seem as weird if they were asked on a third date or even a second one, or maybe if the questions popped up within the contexts of the conversation, but asking them on the first date or forcing them into the conversations can make the dates go awkward.

The food questions are quite annoying and I’m sure many women can testify to that. Once upon a time, I went out with a guy to a restaurant where I made the mistake of ordering jellof rice and plantain. The food had barely been set down on the table when the guy started “It seems like you like jellof rice”; a statement to which I confirmed positively.
“So can you make it?” he asked. I nodded and he continued.
“This one that you’re nodding, are you sure that you can cook it? When you cook it, is yours orange like this or does it look more yellowish?”
I almost choked, trying to swallow fast so as to respond and convince him that I could actually make delicious jellof rice.
“Ok. Er…what about plantain? Do you usually burn it or is it nicely browned…?” He went on and on.
By this time, I had lost complete interest in the guy even before I gained it.

For some of my lovely Ibo brothers, the food questions are even longer – can you make ofe akwu, ofe nsala, nkwobi, isi ewu, ofe olugbu…? You have to have been born as a chef in order to grab some of them.
Some guys will not even bother to ask you out on a date before they start the screening process; someone has asked me on the phone before – “Do your beans stick together when you cook them or do they remain one-one?” to which I replied “it depends on the day that I make it.” And if you happen to fail the screening process, then there will be no date for you.

The ‘children’ topic is another common one – ranging from the number of children one desires to have, to work experience with children, to blood genotype, to family history of barrenness! It’s almost as if the man or woman would prefer to take you for a fertility test even before the date. I once had to respond to a guy and jokingly ask him to stop putting pressure on my uterus with his questions. Apparently he was not very pleased and so I paid for my own meal (I believe that was the reason why although I may be wrong).

When it comes to money, both the ladies and the men are not playing anymore as many women do not want to suffer trying to build anything with any man while many men, on the other hand, are no longer looking for fulltime housewives. So it has become a battle of financial questions! Some men ask about the lady’s work status or about her family background, trying to ascertain whether her parents are well-to-do so that they don’t have to send her siblings and her whole generation to school. So she might get questions like “Where do you work? How many siblings have you got, what number are you in your family, what do your siblings do for a living?” At first, it might seem like they are trying to know more about you but when someone who asked you about where you work does not seem interested in learning about your job duties but instead, goes straight to questions about where your family members work, for me it comes across like digging for information.

Don’t get me wrong though, I think the ladies are even more forward with the financial details. I have heard some guys complain about some questions that they have been asked by women on the first date. One of my cousins told me that once a girl had asked him if he had driven to come for the date, what type of car he drove, did it belong to him, had he paid completely for the car and if he did, did he pay in instalments or upfront?! Some ladies will also ask how often the man goes on vacation abroad (maybe they would like to know if the guy can afford trips for two?), if the guy lives in a rented apartment and how many bedrooms, what part of the city does he live in, is his company classified under oil and gas (probably that is the only job sector that matters to her?), did he buy valentine’s gifts for his last girlfriend when they were dating, does he believe in ‘Mbaise’ bride price…etc.?

Other bizarre questions one might hear on the first date from either the man or lady include “Can you change church to mine, when will you be ready to marry (and I’m referring to the actual month and year), will your parents allow you marry a girl/guy from another state/tribe, are you an ‘osu’, did you school abroad, have you pulled out any tooth before, are you the shortest in your house, did you grandparents die from diabetes, what are your long term goals, do you have any special talents, who pays for the wedding in your tradition? And some will even take you back to primary school ‘social studies’ with questions like – Who is the head of the family?

The list goes on and on but my point is that these questions have little or nothing to do with one’s personality, therefore gathering such information will not help you check for compatibility (if that is the person’s aim). I believe that instead of turning a date into a complex interview session, people should try to let the conversations flow naturally when they go out on first dates. Simple questions that focus on areas such as common hobbies and likes and dislikes may be more helpful in getting to know someone better; and sometimes, just watching a person can give much more valuable information about one’s character.

I know some people will say that they do not have time to waste so they have to get straight to the point from the start; for such people, I would strongly recommend putting out an online or paper advert with all your questions and desired answers so that only those who completely pass your examination can then apply!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Ron Chapple

Ugochi V Ukah is a student and loves writing in her spare time; using sarcasm, humour and wit to relay her thoughts. Visit her blog for more stories at: www.ugochivukah.blogspot.com and follow her on twitter @vivio_gogo and IG: @ugochiukah

92 Comments

  1. ChiChiChilolo

    August 27, 2015 at 10:55 am

    “Do your beans stick together when you cook them or do they remain one-one?” to which I replied “it depends on the day that I make it.” Hahahahahaha. So funny! One of my cousins told me that once a girl had asked him if he had driven to come for the date, what type of car he drove, did it belong to him, had he paid completely for the car and if he did, did he pay in instalments or upfront?! Hehehehe. This one na knowledge is power. It is well. I strongly believe questions should come subsequently and not all in a rush! Who is yours is yours!

    • Truth

      August 27, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      its so funny, a guy once told me, i’m attracted to highly successful women, when I told my sister, she said I should have asked him if he was successful himself…the next time I saw him, I think in Church or so, he asked ‘when are you buying your car? that was it, I knew I couldn’t even keep him as a friend because clearly friendship with him would be based on what I have and not me…

  2. Tkum

    August 27, 2015 at 10:56 am

    lmaoooo @ some even take you back to primary school ‘social studies’ with questions like – Who is the head of the family?

    Purely this kinda guys to me are those who don’t know what they want! try dating them, d rlship will still pack up..PERFECTIONIST kinda guys…yea they are d same guys who complain and nag a lot.

  3. Scared Homosapien

    August 27, 2015 at 11:00 am

    Misplaced priorities. This generation of toasters and toastees are actually a childish lot.

    • xag

      August 27, 2015 at 11:44 am

      Serious misplaced priorities. Lack of realistic goals + lofty expectations = disaster. Instead of developing yourself and looking for who to add value to, they’re there looking for who to subtract from. Moving calculators of disaster. Before you sit down they have valued your belt, shoe, phone, watch, car, calculated your current and future net worth and drawn the chart mentally in their heads before they subscribe to your stock offer. People who calculate your own future before you yourself know where you’re going. No wonder the number of men chopping other people’s wives is on the increase and the number of women settling for baby mama is skyrocketing as well. On the other end, Lagos young men now spend their savings on one nice car and nice clothes,pretending to be successful, then roam around looking for borderline 30 , 30 something year old women who either have rich fathers or good jobs so they can leech and suck from. When standards are set too high, you may end up finding man successful man you have to share with other women or finding man who looks like the picture of success but its all wash and its really your own money he’s after. Those days men would wait until old age and play away match discretely. These days young men are barely done with the wedding and the next thing is business as usual because they have willing chicks ready to play second fiddle for that Chanel or that Bottega or chicks who simply want finished product without playing a role in the finishing.

    • iyke

      August 27, 2015 at 1:18 pm

      @xag ??
      Good thinking! Uche gi di ya!

    • tosin

      August 27, 2015 at 3:20 pm

      brilliant!!!!!….you just took these words from my mouth<<<>>>>God bless you o jare

    • Vik

      August 27, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      As a Nigerian leaving abroad, my perceeption of dating in Nigeria has always revolve around this experiences. My instinct and perception was right after all lol

    • TA

      August 28, 2015 at 2:52 pm

      @ xag, God bless you o!

  4. timonsorin

    August 27, 2015 at 11:27 am

    whew! why are men wussies, people keep asking jamb questions when it comes to first date trying to discuss all their minds and experiences in a single day, as well as trying to find out every information from the other party in a single day. if they achieve that, I wonder what would be left to discuss if they get married. them go don talk their mind finish even before proposing self. Ehew! stupid wussies. We men need to understand some questions are meant to be discussed at other times especially when necessary. rather than acting insecure trying to know everything about a lady in one night. Big Up’s to all real men out there who don’t ask jamb questions. thank God for that new single… crack my ribs real hard when I listen to it on air play. lol

  5. Tiki

    August 27, 2015 at 11:51 am

    looool, this was HILARIOUS!! I’ve gotten asked some weird questions in my time too, but I’m not afraid to respond with ‘ask me no questions, and I will tell you no lies’. If you can’t swallow that, your funeral.

    I do like asking questions myself, but purely from a conversational angle. Tbh, I always say that my antennae only go up if you answer my question in a dodgy fashion, or refuse to answer. Otherwise, I judge according to what I experience, and not what I’m told.

  6. Clueless girls

    August 27, 2015 at 11:54 am

    If you are tired of the people you date, change your environment and people you go on date with. simple!

    Because many of you want to marry at all cost, you throw shades and jamb questions to know how much he earns, where he works, bla bla bla. It shoudnt be

    Dates (esp first) is meant to be for fun. Not even about knowing each other deeply. Should be for smiles, laughter, enjoy each others company, talk about life in general and just a way to familiarize yourself with the person.

    If you are out on a date at a restaurant/eatery, why wont their be a talk about food? Where are you at? is it not an eatery? It is a way to kick start the knowing process and chill my friend, all those can you cook thingy is just a tease from guys.

    Bcos you want a husband at all cost you start reading silly meaning to all discussions and bla bl abla. dem force you to go on a date with them? if you no like dem from d onset cant you just turn down the offer? No u wont! longer throat and osho free wont allow you turn it down cos u must spend the guy’s money!

    Na person send you make you waste your young days playing around and playing hard to get? now you are of age and you want to know all about a man on the first date and if he is compatible with you. First date is just for laughs and fun, enjoy it is the rule!

    Na so so picky picky you dey do all the men pass you over

    shift one side abeg

    • Kiiki

      August 27, 2015 at 1:44 pm

      You, Mr……, are the Clueless one!

    • Tkum

      August 27, 2015 at 2:19 pm

      oga u r so clueless eh..sotey this your yarnings na dust… no sense @ all….so all over the place… i guess u fit into this classification of guys n so na why e dey pain u much

    • Clueless girls

      August 27, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      We dont belong to the same class
      cant exchange words with you
      keep dating till Christ comes

    • natu

      August 27, 2015 at 3:02 pm

      you are right the first date is suppose to be fun and ligth hearted. Enjoy the moment.

    • NigerianPie

      August 27, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      You this natu, with the way you comment, you’ll be going on first dates for a lOOOOOOOOOOOONNNGG time, because aint nobody sticking around for you. Psycho!

    • Natu

      August 27, 2015 at 5:06 pm

      @Nigerianpie you are always on my case. Why are you so mad? Take it easy. Lol

    • firsthandcrapreciepient

      August 28, 2015 at 1:44 pm

      why wouldnt cooking be a tease? even a jobless charity case that said someone should go back to the village for not liking his delicacy. Honey your wife has an accent in your village and she still uses 3310 to flash you. It is downright insulting IHMO do i ask if you know where your car jack is because you are male or if you know how to change a bulb or plug because growing up those were manly things. Now its all about the mamas bois looking for able bodied women when they are yet to come out of puberty

  7. Rude gal

    August 27, 2015 at 11:59 am

    Annoying lot… they want to know everything the same day. Personally, I prefer we talk about other things and just enjoy the date. What’s the hurry? You can’t know everything about someone the same day. Chances are you won’t even get honest answers if you try to go too deep. Most of the time, a guy’s is like ”do you have any questions?’ and i’m like “‘Nope! ..for now.” lol. You won’t even know when you’ve answered all my questions.. I observe your body language and while we keep communicating and gisting, I ship in one or two things for you to answer. I’ll make you feel free cos then, you won’t be so conscious of your responses. If you ask me too many questions per time, I’ll call you to order. That’s a huge turn off mehnn..

  8. Hephie Brown

    August 27, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    I absolutely love this article! The part i hate most is when i tell a guy im reeeeeeaaaaallly INTO “no sex before marriage” on the first date! I always try to stop myself but somehow they stylishly ask and of course i will not lie and of course they know im serious (only 1 had bothered to see if he could get lucky) and he sef got tired after a while! They can sniff my stubbornness and they know they will never get lucky!!!arrrrggggghhhh what if i just want to kiss ur sexy lips and send u on ur path? ‘So after this my response, i never(hardly) get second dates. SAD. Too many horny niggas out there.

    People like to assume im young and that’s why i am not looking for a relationship but what they don’t know is i loove love and dating and eventually marriage but the way they stress u out with foolish questions ehn… when this JAMB QUESTION song came out i hummed it a lot cos any small thing one mumu somewhere is making u write exam

    You add a guy on BBM or whatsapp, cos someone somewhere decides they will find husband for u, and what next??

    Whats ur name
    Where are u from
    Whats ur surname
    Where did u school
    What did u study
    What year did u finish
    REally, How old are u
    What is your fav food, color, movie, place,event, music
    Do you like clubbing
    DO you drink
    Do you smoke
    Can you dance
    Where do you work
    What do they do
    What do you do for them
    Where is your office
    Where do u live
    Do you live with your parents
    Can you drive

    ALL ON THE FIRST CHAT!!! this is not even everything o.
    nigga chill!!

    Do you know the worst part? 2 weeks later, they can only remember your name..they will ask you AGAIN.

    Sigh

    • Clueless girls

      August 27, 2015 at 12:47 pm

      keep being stubborn ok?
      kontinu

    • tiny colored miracle

      August 27, 2015 at 4:43 pm

      Pls shut the hell up nd lerrus hear word,shz saying shz been stubborn abt premarital sex,so she shud open her legs nd dy dump her,u wil stil be d same percn dt wil cum here nd tellher to shut up wen shz saying storiy dt “toushes” d heart…….understanding z very vital,may God help you

    • Kiiki

      August 27, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      @Hephie Brown, girl, we seem to have been meeting the same “set of men” lol! Well said boo!

    • berger n akara

      August 27, 2015 at 1:49 pm

      one asked me for a morning picture (me without makeup)..thats a first.. now i have problem with that.as I do post them on snap chat. but I have never met you and that was just odd to me..are you trying to question my beauty brah ? lol… relationships are fun to be with.. esp if you feel he’s the one but the way these things are set up now…e hard oo

    • nonijaz

      August 29, 2015 at 1:09 am

      Lol, I got some series of hilarious questions from some guys before I entered into my current relationship:
      Can you cook?-Yes
      Is it indomie or real food?-Anyone
      So you can cook ofe nsala?- yh
      Do you pound yam? No, never before, but maybe I can learn from you….
      That’s where the chat ended.

      Another guy, I really like your dp, please send me a pic of you waking up… No
      Why? Because I don’t feel like
      Do you know how to dance? Yes
      I don’t mean church dance alone, I mean rocking and grinding? Hell No bro
      When will you start having sex with me if we were together? Marriage.
      But will you do blow job before marriage? Hell No hun….

      Some guys have no chill, thankfully God answers prayers and I couldn’t have asked for a better, more understanding rlship… By Gods grace, purity till marriage is my portion.
      P.s I still don’t know how to pound yam, I don’t even like pounded yam, but I am willing to learn, if my spouse loves it.

    • Truth

      August 27, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      goshhh…so mega annoying…where do you work, what do you do for them?lol

    • tosin

      August 27, 2015 at 3:28 pm

      aasssin ehn????!!!stupidity at its height, that a rigorous interview to conduct .

    • armstrong

      August 27, 2015 at 4:07 pm

      LOL. Girl u crazy in some funny way. I feel you honestly. But really, conversation is a two way street, sometimes, your response or vibes to a guy determine if it’s gonna be a Q&A session or friendly chat. Wanna try conversing with me? 😀

  9. Hephie Brown

    August 27, 2015 at 12:03 pm

    Oh i forgot the epic regular one the author already mentioned “CAN YOU COOK”
    then they start asking which one u can cook.
    Msheeeeeeewwwwwww

    • le coco

      August 27, 2015 at 1:41 pm

      No mind them asking stupid questions. .. nd so what if I cldnt cook.. wld you nw crucify me? Any human being that askes if I can cook should be prepared for me to ask if he can hunt animals… after all that was hw it was done in the past…

    • aaewhy

      August 28, 2015 at 4:10 pm

      GBAM. Lol

    • natu

      August 27, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      As if we are born with the cooking gene. Chauvinistic idiots!!!!

  10. Swizzey

    August 27, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    lol…….the travails of being single in Nigeria.

  11. Anon

    August 27, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    My dear o! Once upon a time, a good friend of mine was considering changing his status from friend to boyfriend and the questions he asked were na wa, e.gs include “if you asked your son to fetch you a bucket of water, will you thank him when he brings it?”
    “Can you kill a chicken?” (He said he doesn’t like frozen chicken, I told him that hope he knew that all the chicken he eats at restaurants are frozen chicken).
    All these were over the phone o, because we were not in the same city. Of course the changing church question came up, as well as couples living apart.
    One day I just told him that he was choking me, that I had read the same books and listened to the same speakers that talked about these things and that I knew the correct answers to these questions and that if that’s what he wanted, I could recite them to him. I asked him allow me be myself and then watch me and know me for who I am and not be bombarding me with JAMB questions because I was not even enjoying the conversations again.
    These books and speakers advise that you ask some critical questions on the first date (eg if the person has been married before or has children already), so that you decide quickly whether you want to go on or not. But like Adam, people have decided to ask the critical, important, not-so-important and down right ridiculous on the first date, “does your beans stick or does it stand one-one?”, haba!
    Interedtingly, I have realised that the longer you get to know someone, you may realise that for that person you are willing to let go of some criteria. For instance, I thought I would never date anyone from a particular church, but here I am head-over-heels in love, because I learnt to see the person independent of his church. I thought I would never date anyone above a particular age, but see me now. I never wanted to date a guy who was the first-born or first son because I did not want too much involvement in family things, but see me now.
    I am not saying you should not ask questions that you consider important, but why not get to know the person better. For instance if a guy asks me if I can cook, my default answer is NO (I won’t even try to give explanations or excuses), but I am the type of person that as a love gesture, I would go to the market, cook variety and stock my boyfriend’s fridge. If you do not get to know me better or if you are looking for a cook (instead of a wife), you would
    write me off.
    Somethings are not cast in stone. Life is a journey, enjoy it. If you meet a potential, try to get to know the person, not what you can get from the person. Even if you people do not eventually get married, at least you would have made a friend who could be very beneficial to you in the future.
    Nowadays, people are no longer ‘People-oriented’, they can’t just get to know you for who you are, but for what they can get. They fail to realise that human beings can pretend and that people change. What stops the person from giving you all the correct answers, packaging his/her family to look like what you want, then you marry the person and then GBOSA! the facade explodes and you are left with the substance of who you married. This is the reason there are so many sad marriages and divorces.
    Sorry for my long epistle, this matter is dear to my heart.

    • Looters

      August 27, 2015 at 1:28 pm

      I agree with you completely

  12. keeks

    August 27, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    i am career minded and focused on what i intend to achieve, a guy i once liked early this year, asked me to dinner, we’ve talked and flirted for weeks over the phone and we decided to meet up at a posh restaurant here in abuja, we conversing, asks about my work and i am excitedly telling him what i do, my plans and visions, to which brova man Strongly with a look on his face says “it seems you are very driven and career minded, no woman or wife of mine will work o, I INTEND TO make enough money so i can take care of my wife, i don’t believe a woman should work”… to which i almost choked on a piece of fish, needless to say the rest of that dinner was in almost complete silence(in my mind am wondering, in 2015, guys talk like this), obviously our dreams and ideas are very different, fazed him out, till date still calls me and asks what happened between us… cant say he should return to his cave now can i?

    • Jo!

      August 27, 2015 at 1:37 pm

      PLEASE, I beg you in the name of God, tell him to return to his cave and show him the path sef. What rubbish?

    • Truth

      August 27, 2015 at 1:59 pm

      Please tell him to return to his cave…lol

    • natu

      August 27, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      Hahaha please darling follow your dreams

    • Liz

      August 27, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      Darlings on BN, there is nothing “bad” for a guy to want to be the sole breadwinner. It is a preference just like any other personal choice. Biblically & culturally (African) a man is to assume the full needs of his wife and a wife may hold a job outside the home if she desires not because she has to. All over the world many educated women chose to be stay-at-home-moms. If there is nothing wrong with that choice why should it be seen as wrong that a man may prefer to have a non-working-outside-the-home wife? There is nothing “cave” or inherently wrong about that.
      Life has taught me never to view differences as gauges for inferiority or superiority. Differences are simply differences. If a date’s preferences do not align with yours, that does not necessarily translate to their being chauvinistic, misogynistic, immature, classless….. and all those descriptives some women employ. Background, life experiences, education ………. shape each individual.

    • Easy n Gentle

      August 27, 2015 at 8:38 pm

      Thank you very much and God bless you. while I do not share preference with the said dude, because he has different perspective does not a cave man make. Unity in diversity still remains the keske. we don’t all have to sleep facing the same direction

    • Bebie

      September 1, 2015 at 5:26 pm

      I love your view. Often we see liberals criticize conservatives, describing their opinion as narrow minded when that in itself is a narrow minded attitude.

    • december

      November 25, 2015 at 9:13 am

      You are right Liz. Though am a married woman and my hubby surely supports my career climb. I just want to say people have an idea of what they feel they want at first but when they like a person they may be ready to have a different opinion. Eg the guy that says he would prefer to have a full time house wife at home. You can use that as a conversation point. Ask him his reasons for that and then u can discuss ur own reasons for the opposite opinion. Do that without being personally involved remember its a first date. You are just trying to know each other. If you find out that he’s still bent on his opinion well that’s good for him and the wife of his that would appreciate that. But then that’s his choice and its not bad for someone to have a choice especially if they have good reasons for such choices even if it may not be a popular choice..

    • aaewhy

      August 28, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      IN 2015 chei, smh

    • Nedu

      August 30, 2015 at 1:00 pm

      In this day and age? Where some of us are looking for career driven women! Who wants a housewife bikonu? Umu nwoke self!

  13. berger n akara

    August 27, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    it is really tough being single and also in a city with really few friends. I decided to try online dating.. apparently, there are a lot of nigerian men on this site.. questions upon questions! I hate when I’m asked where I work because I hate my job..or asking about my size…whats your body measurement, weight..then one idiot was pestering me to come spice chicken for him lol ..then one looked nothing like his picture..or the one who chats like I’m in an interview! i’m not auditioning to become your wife so relax! first dates should not be filled with so much pressure.. just enjoy yourselves..ask questions that leads to a comfortable conversation and not one word answer or yes/no response ..
    I have decided to stay away from this site and just relax till next year when I have settled well in school.. relationship can wait…again.

    • Yori

      August 27, 2015 at 8:29 pm

      What is the name of the website?

    • berger n akara

      August 28, 2015 at 12:13 am

      pof hun

  14. Funny

    August 27, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Really funny but true

  15. Miriam

    August 27, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    On that cooking issue ehn, that is how I responded to one, whether I look like a food blogger, or his mother that he is asking me about my cooking skills. I almost feel sorry for well known food bloggers, because they will just be targets for hungry mofos looking for nothing other than food. I have a popular-ish kind of surname and come and see boys be asking me if so so so is my father or if we are related. Actually we are, but the naira signs i see swimming in their eyes, always makes me say no i am not. Gone are the days of female gold diggers only. Male gold diggers na their own worse pass. Money thirsty lots looking for who they can leech on. That is how a friend fell victim to one. She is now the bread winner now. Mr “i am into……. fill in the blank spaces, no get work. We asked this girl, warned this girl so tey, she come talk say na because we never marry, we want her to be single like us. Who is laughing last now. Shame will not let her show her face at our regular spots because gist has gone round and we know the truth behind Le hub’s so called “business”. If you want to play twenty questions on the first date, best believe yo ass’s number is getting deleted from my phone and we won’t speak again. Na first date we call am, not interview to become wife.

  16. kaycee

    August 27, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    I believe this question are important, especially these days most ladies are looking for men to leech on. I like asking them on the first date, I ain’t got time to waste. I will like to know how many friends you got ? if more than 10, bye bye Are u a popular girl?. Do you have tattoo or piercing?

    • Miss

      August 27, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      Goodluck to you!!!

  17. iyke

    August 27, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    #myopinion
    Perhaps, rather than sticking to the standard first date checklist, which can make a date feel like a job interview, why don’t we ask about things that we’re genuinely curious about, regardless of whether they seem relevant to determining our compatibility with our dates.
    Now, if my goal for a date is for a possible relationship, first question that I ask as matter-of-factly as I engage in getting-to-know-you small talk ,either via social media, or whatever channel is ‘Are you in love with anybody’? If the answer is ever ‘YES’, sharp sharp, I move on because it means you are not available for a new relationship and emotionally unavailable to me. I stand no chance even if you declare that you have feelings for me too.
    Once we clarify and get this out of the way, I will then ask her out on a date. Personally, I don’t have dates at restaurants. ….not my ideal place for a first date. I prefer exhilarating activities that are less dangerous, like watching a scary movie together or an outdoor activity which I believe can distract us both from our nerves and help us focus more fully on each other and hopefully help ignite the sparks of attraction.
    Once I have been able to establish the attraction, I can then be guaranteed that I will score a second date, where gradually, you will be the one to ask me all the questions that I would have been asking.
    To be honest folks,dating is so simple but we make it so difficult in Nigeria, hence the reason why loads of men suck at first dates.
    #attraction#builduptheattraction

    • LadyX

      August 27, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      I will NEVER go to a movie on a first date. Its so LAME. Whats the point of going on a date then, if you lot sit for two hours in a dark room silent?????

    • iyke

      August 27, 2015 at 3:52 pm

      ……… I prefer EXHILARATING activities that are less dangerous, like watching a (EMPHASIS )- SCARY MOVIE together OR an outdoor activity which I believe can distract us both from our NERVES and help us focus more fully on each other and hopefully help ignite the sparks of attraction.
      I believe this is self explanatory especially when you read to comprehend!
      .

    • Pi

      August 28, 2015 at 9:47 am

      Hahaha that’s how I blew my chances with this hot blue eye French dude ….. He planned an incredible romantic first date candle light dinner … And I just wanted to watch a movie …… Na so the bros lament tire…. I probably did that cause I didn’t want things to move too fast too quickly , dude was head over heels

    • Sia

      August 27, 2015 at 8:04 pm

      But iyke im not in love with anyone. Nna , anom ebe a na-eche gi since!!

  18. Boo aye

    August 27, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    so I went on the first date with this guy and he asked where I worked, I told him cos its an oil and gas firm, afterwards, he was just dishing out his business proposal to me, he even asked if I had my atm card with me I should borrow him 20k, I said I didn’t but I had little vex money with me, you wont believe he shamelessly collected the money and used it to pay for all we ate. I had tears in my eyes that day, I almost wept for our generation and if u see him ull tink hes a better somebody, dats y I can never be moved by all this lagos packaging all na wash,dose that really have the money may not necessarily look it but if uve always mixed with quality rich people, ull identify dem and if you are a person with deep insight ull always see beyond the superficial things, most Guys and ladies in lagos are so fake,God pls always protect ur children from all dese one chance niggas and niggresses.

    • emeraldish

      August 27, 2015 at 4:46 pm

      OMG! so so shameless! what a pity

    • Ororo and Gas

      August 27, 2015 at 7:35 pm

      My dear oh, this oil and gas thing. I no dey tell any bobo wey dey check me say I work for Shell oh! Na serious issue!

      dem go wan turn me to bread winner and funds provider

      Or! Start complaining say I too get money I go get strong head

      Sistas aint winning oh

  19. Blueberry

    August 27, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    I totally agree. Some questions asked on the first date can totally turn you off. I was asked once how many guys I had dated so far. Quite awkward if you ask me. I definitely don´t want to talk about my past dates on my first date with you, nor do I want to know anything about yours. Whatever happened to other topics like what I think about the political system, or what I like to read…just anything.
    So here was I polite enough to supress my irritation and say ” quite a couple”. Guy told me up front that I was too promiscuous and would not like to be with someone like me. Huh?!!!!!! That was my cue to leave.
    Fast forward 8 years. Met the same guy while cruising the net on yahoo chat. I was away in Holland for vacay. We got into a chat and immediately he knew I was abroad, guy went all dsperate. Was all about ” I am looking for a wife and always liked you. and you will make a good wife”. Imagine my surprise. All of a sudden, I wasn´t promiscuous anymore. So I fired the same question bak at him. ” So how many girls have you dated so far?!”…Uh huh!!!!

    Guys need to lower their standards these days. It´s about investing in somebody and adding value to your babe and not obtaining a ready-made product.

  20. Boo Aye

    August 27, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    Bellanaija, I want to make an abservation.Inoticed you’ve stopped posting my comments and I don’t know why,cos I don’t insult peaole wen I comment, even commentators that insult people you still post their comments everytime. Ill just keep my comments to myself

  21. Boo Aye

    August 27, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    *people*

  22. ceejay

    August 27, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    speak for your self and dont colour the mind of others

  23. Hephie Brown

    August 27, 2015 at 4:21 pm

    “tell me about your love life” That was the height for me..i barely know you and i should talk about my love life? or talk about my ex’s?? i have been accused of not being the type to “ask questions” but i firmly believe no matter what i ask, i will still find out later, especially when it comes to matters of behaviour or outlook on life. I believe we should spend time with people before we can say we know them.

    @LadyX, I think Movies are okay for a first date..especially comedies..it helps break the ice and reduce unnecessary conversation and examination questions.. The only time you get to talk is IF he picks you from home or IF he drops you at home or after the movie.. #myopinion..

    Dear guys(and girls, i know it goes both ways) there are a million things to talk about..i can even talk about NICki Minaj’s butt if that’s what u fancy( i can keeep up a cnvo even if i hate the topic of discussion), or The economic benefits of devaluating our currency. NOt kwesion upon kwesion! Let’s discuss Channing Tatums chest in magic mike and that way I can find out if you are a jealous person, or we talk about things related to economics and i can find out if you are stingy.. or u can bring up a discussion on the quality of fast food customer service and that way you will know if i eat out a lot or i cook a lot..if i cook a lot it probably means i can make a fairly decent meal!!

    • chukwukadibia

      August 28, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      What a topic,i absolutely enjoyed reading all the comments

  24. T33

    August 27, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    So this guy buzzes me on insta-chat…after some conversations, he askes for my number. i usually dont do that, but i gave him a benefit of doubt and sent my number to him. Days, weeks and months passed, i didnt hear from me. Infact it never occurred to me that such a person didnt call after i gave out my number. Then months later, on IG i post a picture of me offshore with some colleagues, immediately this guy starts calling. Yes! i knew he was the one, because the true caller on my phone showed his name and face. I didnt even bother to pick..am like see this gold digger o, hian! Before i know bros gave me two missed calls, that one no reach he located me on whats app and was trying to re-introduce himself, saying how he traveled out and just got back, that is why he is just calling..i simply told him i dont know him and cant remember. He was still typing and explaining, i jejely told him i need to get back to work now. Then he goes buzzing me again on the insta chat to refresh my memory of the chats we had there. I just ignored the baga!!! As if me self no like good thing….mschewwwwwwwwwww.

    • Ororo and Gas

      August 27, 2015 at 7:36 pm

      The THIRST

    • DJWHDUWH

      September 1, 2015 at 8:33 pm

      LAWL!

    • TA

      August 28, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      What?!!! The hustle to marry a rich person is real. And yet we wonder why our politicians steal so much? This generation learnt GREED from them. Kai! I weep for my fellow kontry eople

  25. Biscuit

    August 27, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    Its sad, but if you intend on marrying any guy that does not have these qualities or thinks this way and you want to marry a Nigerian today,i have to say you singles are on a very long thing.Its obvious the dynamics have changed.The chances or finding one that isn’t is very slim. Good luck all you single ladies will need it.I guess am not breaking any news that isn’t obvious.Keep hitting all them weddings every weekend.The desperation oozes from afar.

  26. Yemz

    August 27, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    These comments mhen! lmao

  27. Chukwuemeka N. obikwelu

    August 27, 2015 at 7:46 pm

    Nice article!! I am inclined to view this topic less granularly and more systemically. This is because on a granular level, the details are so varied because people (that is, individuals) and situations differ – high and multifarious inquisitiveness may be justified in one case, but not for another!

    I personally think that an ever increasing number of today’s men and women is becoming outstandingly unintelligent about Love and relationship topics/issues! In a way, it isn’t just ignorance but it really is a dangerous combination of ignorance, negligence, naivety, selfishness and, in some cases, outright stupidity – and, of course, you certainly can throw “a lack of spirituality” into the mix. Whether we are talking in the context of Africans in the diaspora, or in the context of the indigenes of the “modern” world regardless of race or ethnicity, the point appears to remain constant, which (in my opinion) is that: there “appears to be” a growing lack of intelligence regarding: how to identify sound choices in partners; how to properly date, where “properly” is a relative term and has no universal definition; what to do to protect a relationship; how to handle friends of the opposite sex; how to handle that “uninvited but ever present” third-party; what to do to keep a relationship alive; what to do to enjoy your partner despite fighting or being in conflicts…etc. Society is evolving for both sexes (but more so for women), and so many do not know how to properly translate this “socio-economic” evolution into meaningful outcomes within love relationships.
    ………..

    So much is happening in today’s “socio-economic world” that will make “certain wisdoms of old (which are antipodal to much of today’s wisdoms)”, pertaining to Love & Relationships, infinitely more valuable now than they ever were. When I say “Love …”, I don’t mean that grossly stupid or blind love that offers no more than a superfluity of shallow sentimentality, sensuality and sex – go to rappers, celebrities … or, Iyanya, et al, for that nonsensical love! I mean “Love..” that is not blind, and that has the power to sustain a long-term heterosexual coupling of individuals in a relationship context; providing sentimental, sensual, sexual (as mutually agreed upon, especially if unmarried), intellectual and spiritual gratifications in an integrated and sustainable way.
    ………
    We should endeavor to understand the paradigm shifts that are occurring in our socio-economic world(s), and adjust our personal methods (of chasing after, securing and growing Love) accordingly. I say “endeavor” because it requires serious effort. The default alternative, if the aforementioned effort is not invested in, is that this age will see an unparalleled increase in singleness, broken relationships and divorces. And it will not matter if you are “Omalicha nwa” or “Wo-Wo nwa”, Nigerian, American, etc.

    • Ocean Beauty

      August 27, 2015 at 9:54 pm

      You have succeeded in saying nothing

    • truthBeTold

      August 28, 2015 at 11:57 pm

      Lmao! You spoke my mind!!!!!!

    • kaybee

      August 27, 2015 at 11:47 pm

      Simplicity is your friend my brother. Especially since it is obvious that your English grammar and usage isn’t quite 100%

    • kaybee

      August 27, 2015 at 11:50 pm

      @Chukwuemeka N. obikwelu Simplicity is your friend my brother. Especially since it is obvious that your English grammar and usage isn’t quite 100%

    • Rude gal

      August 29, 2015 at 12:11 pm

      Another article inside this article?

  28. Knowledge Intensive

    August 27, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    As long as you are taller than I am and a good dancer. Hit me up biko. [email protected]

  29. demashi

    August 27, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    Being a guy, i am really disheartened at all these terrible date stories here. When we were in the game over a decade back, it wasn’t like this – I guess this came with the advent of social media. Me and my mates met our either in school, during service year or in church/fellowship. We therefore had common interests and dating/hanging out was out of affection & companionship and not desperation. Of course, it started with walking the other party to the bus-stop, dropping them off at church and as was my case, looking for job posts together on Tuesday Guardian as my love interest was job-seeking. All these going to the movies, expensive restaurants just set-up for inconvenient dates and funny interrogations. Ladies, if you want to set up a date let it be around your current activity. If you’re working, let him come pick you up for lunch; if you’re in the same office, go for lunch together; If you’re preparing for a professional exam, he should come wait till u done at your tuition centre and then you go out; if you busy in church, he should find time to worship with you; if you’re have an owambe, you can invite him along etc. If he is mobile, he should take up the offer to drop you at home one day after work. If he’s serious, dropping you off at Agbara from VI shouldn’t be a chore (my former boss used to drop his wife at Ipaja I think and head back to Ajao when they were dating etc. If i remember vaguely, my earliest dates with girlfriend now wife were going for lunch at a buka by GTB HO where we would both talk about her meagre salary paying job and the stress of walking around VI marketing office consumables. This set-up the tone for job searches and eventual registration and payment by myself for a course which later resulted in getting employed in a fairly prestigious industry. These examples would engender more meaningful discourse and set the tone for future effective dates. Stop all these Silverbird, Jade Place, Orisirisi first dates – that’s when all these funny scenarios come up. A word is enough for the wise.

    • kemi

      August 29, 2015 at 3:38 am

      can I double love this? we are all greedy this age, women wasn’t it now for fear of loss investments our mothers encountered. men just move to the tone of greed young ladies are setting

  30. Nammy

    August 27, 2015 at 9:36 pm

    What qualities do you like in a man? That’s the question I get asked that pisses me off, so I should tell you what I like so u can act it out perfectly or imperfectly

  31. Thatfinegirl

    August 28, 2015 at 10:52 am

    When was the last time you had sex?…. You’ve got to be kidding me. I excused myself to the ladies, Came back and said “Oh I’m so sorry I have to be on my way now, something really urgent came up. (He offers to give me a ride) don’t bother please, I’ll take a cab… Minutes later, numbers blocked…. Idiot!

    Seriously If my outfit was revealing I would’ve thought maybe I showed wrong signals, but it was on working day at COB and I was properly dressed in a trouser suit well covered up.. Even if my outfit was revealing, its all shades of wrong to ask a lady such a question on a date. Jeez!

    I don’t even entertain all those questions. I mean why would I give all my information to you on a first date? what if you’re on a different mission? or you have an ulterior motive? or an armed robber dressed in suit going about getting information from ladies and carefully planning the attack? In most cases you don’t get to see or hear from them again after the first date.

    Let things play out naturally, with time you’ll get to know every thing you need to know about me and the truth is you can’t know everything about a person in one day or even one year. Even couple who are married for years still get to know something new about their partner even after 10 years.

  32. mimzzzzzz

    August 28, 2015 at 8:53 pm

    When I was single, I used to say to my friends “Just before we get married, we all should write a book telling our experiences as single ladies”. It would be quite interesting to read. The most ridiculous question I’ve been asked on a 1st date is…….. “Tell me sincerely, have u ever had an abortion, and how many abortions have u had?” and the mofo went on about how he doesn’t trust girls nowadays. I was mortified to say the least. Of course that our last date ever.

  33. Angiee

    August 29, 2015 at 12:36 am

    @thatfinegirl, you even try sef. If I were to be you, I will just tell him straight up “oh boy! Is that the kind of questions you are supposed to be asking someone on a first date huh?” at least this open lashing will put them in check not to repeat the nonsense question again in the future.

    I with you on a first date, talk nonsense it will be over before it’s even started. Our guys should learn biko to avoid stories like these.

  34. Papacy

    August 29, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    She asked me if I drove to where we had agreed to meet up. I said no. She said “oh” and let me lead the discussion. This once enthusiastic and lively lass starts answering in yes and no. I laughed in my mind. I decided to throw the “cliché” question too. “So tell me the meal you enjoy cooking most?” See major frown. I had my smirk on the whole time. I own the “jamb” questions sister. Today I decide to repent and change my ways, you want to out jamb me? Mba nu.

  35. Nedu

    August 30, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    *shocking…….as a guy i am left in shock. Who want’s a house wife? Hell no, not me! Some people still live in the middle ages.

  36. MAry

    August 31, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    please i just need to know o….. is it by force to be married???
    we have all tied ourself to this do or die concept and it is causing a lot of unhappiness for both singles and married.
    to be asking one silly jamb questions becos u want to know if she is perfect enough to marry, and the person u are asking will now be pretending, then u guys end up married and she will reveal herself to you, and then the next thing is divorce. it is not by force to marry, so enjoy dates and relationships without the stupid questions.
    meanwhile the one stupid question i always get is ‘Nne do u love me?’ from someone ive never seen…….

  37. tess

    September 3, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    generally speaking I don’t think being a wife that does not work is a bad thing, especially if they have kids. If the man can actually provide comfortably for the family and requests that his wife stay at home, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I mean we all hear stories of kidnapped kids, molested kids by uncles, aunties nd maids; and all those other disgusting stories. All in the name of not wanting wanting to be tagged as ”old thinkers” we subject ourselves to this so called career driven lifestyle. Then we lv our kids to be raised by strangers. Then parents and kids end up growing apart. Most of these kids become emotionally detached and have no idea what its like to have a Mother/father child relationship just because both mum and dad wr chasing money. This becomes the trend and we end up raising a generation upon generation of robots who have no idea of the true meaning of love. sadly, because the ones who wr supposed to teach them wr chasing money. Anyway what i am trying to say is, men and women of today should not perceive ‘stay-at-home-wife’ as an archaic thing. I think it is something we should gladly embrace.

  38. JOY

    November 5, 2015 at 10:31 am

    I feel almost all Naija guys are like that. I remember a guy asked me if I could cook moin moin one time like that….and another was like sorry “this your hair is it human hair”? Mehn that was the last time I picked his call ,he kept on sending several messages and I kept on ignoring.

    Those that are looking for who to fuck and their stupid sexual questions too (may God help them). I have met stupid guys sha even one was asking what is glass made from, what is rubber made from?

    Guys should chill biko there are so many intelligent topics/conversations. You shouldn’t always ask stupid questions.

  39. Chukwuemeka N. Obikwelu

    February 19, 2016 at 6:57 am

    Been a while since posting in this forum! Interesting how some people carelessly or care-freely criticize what they do not understand or just choose not to appreciate: one person posts twice to criticize my “English grammar and usage”, and twice he or she writes with blatant grammatical flaws! I wrote that post after a stressful but productive day at the office … I confess I am tempted to ask this “English Teacher”, who fails his or her own tests, to grade my post, but I am much more concerned about the “mindset of obstructionism” behind such a response! These sorts of replies, and particularly the mindset behind them, are the reason why it is difficult for “us” to listen to, sincerely appreciate, and appropriately engage one another in intelligent debates on the hot topics that plague “our” country: politically, socially, maritally, socio-economically, socio-politically, etc. But somehow when “a foreigner” speaks on the same topics, “we” are more inclined to oblige them with “our” full attention, regard, and perhaps our submission?

    This is a fine article by the author, like I wrote earlier! There are posts that affirm the points the author expresses; there are posts that challenge the premises of the article, without disagreeing with it; there are posts that provide examples of personal experiences, supporting or challenging the points or premises of the article; and, there are posts (one of which mine is) that extend the discussion to address other related topics. This is great discussion! Healthy exchanges! If we are ever to truly begin to value “our own” intelligences on the matters that plague us, then there should be no room in our communal exchanges for verbiage that impairs, unhealthily criticizes or needlessly frustrates the ability to have, sustain and evolve intelligent discourse!

    Beyond this post, I have no more to add to this forum. I am grateful for the article and the delightful posts by so many commenters. Cheers to all!

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