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Geraldine Ogwe: Woman, Know Thyself

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I was privileged to attend a Women’s Conference recently. I was richly blessed and I thought it wise to share my experience on this platform.
On several blogs and vlogs, I read and watched how a woman should please a man, how a woman should keep a man, how to attract a successful guy and so on. Most of these articles were based on pleasing men, rather than the edification of women.
My article will tilt a little towards religion. Disclaimer: This is not to impose my religious views on you but for you to learn and argue constructively where the need arises.

From the creation story, I understand that God created Adam first. A helper was not found for him until God created Eve. As soon as Adam saw Eve, he was pleased and he called her the bone of his bones and the flesh of his flesh. God empowered both man and woman and charged them both to be fruitful, to multiply and to have dominion (Genesis 1:28). God NEVER said to man, “you must take care of the woman”. God never said to the woman, “you must please the man so that he can take care of you”.

A woman is a very important pillar in the family, society and everywhere there is human existence. Therefore, every woman should carve a niche for herself. Every woman should yearn to be educated and productive. The good thing about productivity is that you do not need education to be productive. There is always a money-making opportunity everywhere. If you are not educated and working in an office, by all means learn a skill. Learn how to tie gele. Go to your church or a function thirty minutes before service. Position strategically and offer people your services for a cheap price. That way, more people can easily patronize you. I learnt this secret from Alhaji Razak Okoya (Eleganza Boss). Learn how to sew and add some vibes to your sewing. Make it unique but attractive. Sew for yourself first. Igbo people say, “ahia oma n’ere onwe ya”(a good market sells itself). Join a non-ponzi network marketing organization. Babysit for busy mums at a fee. By all means, be productive and make money.

A woman who is a housewife should learn her husband’s business. If he has no personal business and works for an organization, be familiar with the place and know your husband’s job description. When he comes home, encourage him to share his experiences with you. Don’t just be interested in the pay; also show interest in what yields the pay. How many housewives can successfully manage their husbands’ businesses upon the death of the men? I know a company affiliated with the oil and gas sector. It was established by one man. Upon his demise, the wife who was never a staff of the company took over management. It’s been five years now and the company is better than when the man was managing it.

Every woman should take care of herself. Let us stop the over-dependence on men. This is why most men do not have respect for women. A man’s care should be the added bonus and not the main incentive. If your husband cannot buy you a car, by all means, buy yourself one. Buy it in your maiden name, if you so desire. If your husband cannot build a house, and you can, go ahead and do it. If we all learn true independence, then we will boost our self-worth. I once dated a wealthy man. I showed him true love and respect. He was surprised that I never made demands. I have needs but I don’t love because I need a problem solver. This man reciprocated by spoiling me silly. When we separated, all my former girlfriends who knew him through me called him and begged for a chance. They even promised to love him better than I did. Some went as far as sending nude pictures to him. Some also told him how perfectly I pretended to be in love with him. After each call, he would call me and narrate the episode word for word. Some, he told to pass through me. He made fun of the girls because they were interested in his deep pocket only and couldn’t help embarrassing themselves. They saw a man who worshipped me but they didn’t know what motivated him to worship at my temple.

It is said that women are their own enemies. This is because women do not know their place. No woman is more beautiful than the other. If this is false, then the word of God is a lie. God saw all He created and He said ALL things were beautiful (Genesis 1:31). You are the only one that knows how much you are wearing, so why should I be intimidated by you? The only person you compete with is yourself. Be better today than you were yesterday. I have an MSc in Biochemistry but that is not what pays my bills. I have diversified. I have worked as a front desk officer, marketing executive, cash control officer and a human resources manager. I have managed older male workers successfully. I loved football and politics because of the men. I am currently thinking of network marketing in e-commerce. Before my thirtieth birthday, I had already bought a car, a piece of land and I have taken myself on exotic trips to three continents.

Women should not run after men for financial security or for boosting ego. Run after a man because you have something to impact in his life. My teenage cousin told me she wanted to marry as a virgin. I said bravo. She said she would like to marry an RHT (rich, handsome and tall) dude. Her virginity was not for an nna bros. I asked her what else she was going to bring to the marriage table after the man must have ravaged the downstream sector. It takes one encounter to lose Aunty Hymen! She said her virginity should be worth the world to the man. I sat her down and gave her a re-orientation. I summarized by saying “add something to that virginity”.

Finally, as a woman, no matter your intellect, wealth and achievements, you owe respect to that man you have chosen as a partner. That way, the man will give you the love and respect you need without you begging for it. Most men tell me they cannot empower their partners because they will go haywire. I know a man who went to his wife’s office (a bank) and told them to fire her. They did. I know another who would even go spiritual if the wife was becoming more successful than him. I know another rich man whom people think the rich wife controls. The man told me he allows people to think that way because his wife respects him at home, in spite of her enormous wealth. He, therefore, lets her have her way.

Woman, know thyself, appreciate who you are and take your rightful place. A woman’s beauty lies in her dignity and productivity.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Sam74100

46 Comments

  1. jide

    September 29, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    Didn’t read but I know it’s the usual men vs. Women beef. Is it by force? Find something else to talk about jare

    • esteelauder

      September 29, 2015 at 9:43 pm

      Heya, if only you could just read….

    • Nahum

      September 30, 2015 at 5:34 am

      ….and this is why the world thinks black people are stupid.

    • sem

      September 30, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      you should take your time to read something before you make a coment ..trust me its not a beef..they say knowledge is POWER..women need to know they need not to be dependent on men..

    • Annie

      October 7, 2015 at 11:59 am

      You should have read before commenting.

  2. tai omo yoruba nimi

    September 29, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    geraldine can i hug you a million times for this,,its almost as if you copied my thoughts and wrote it down ..hmm women need to respect themselves and stop throwing themselves at men all because of money,unfortunately this won’t stop

  3. kehinde

    September 29, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    this makes so much sense, very true thanks for this

  4. FasholasLover

    September 29, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    Preach!!!!
    As women, may God grant us the wisdom/discerning spirit to do the right things for US always and the ability to guide our daughters right.

  5. Nefertiti

    September 29, 2015 at 7:55 pm

    But all the bold, intelligent and productive women are everywhere not getting a man. While the timid lazy girls are getting married every weekend bcos the guys think they are humble and can be controlled. They take our intelligence and productivity as pride and arrogance. I tire for all these mata jere…..I don tire. I’m 35, partner in a successful company, drive my own car, bought a land, hv other businesses and lovely. Yet no man oooooooo

    • larrydavy

      September 29, 2015 at 9:40 pm

      You’re beautiful the way God made you. I belive you may want to change your perspective that only timid lazy girls are getting married. Women like you (with accomplishments) are also getting married, And you’re worthy of marriage, if that is your desire. I just want to add that, in addition to your accomplishments, there’s inherent value in you. My people say “all fingers are not equal”; it takes more time for some than others.

    • Whipped

      September 29, 2015 at 9:49 pm

      dats it…am 39 look 24…own an suv…own apartments…..ve liquid cash….funky alhaja….still no man…..i knw myself oo. Aunty hymen still dere . …life just nt simple!

    • lacey

      September 29, 2015 at 10:46 pm

      My dear! You must see yourself as special and stay on your lane! Our seasons are different! You will get married to not just any man but the right man for you. Just continue to praise him for his goodness upon your life! For favoring you with good things and he will complete it.

    • Dee

      September 30, 2015 at 4:59 am

      God will give you your own husband, the one from whose rib you were made in Jesus name. But first, change your heart and renew your mind, it’s not only the timid and lazy girls that are getting married every saturday. Hardworking and successful women who are top flyers in their careers and businesses are also getting married every weekend… please change your heart and let God work on you.

    • larz

      September 30, 2015 at 4:53 pm

      Amen

    • ima

      September 30, 2015 at 1:47 pm

      @nefetiti, what u said is utterly correct- most educated and skillful women are the ones not getting married. naija men are not there yet- it is a way of forcing ladies to go back to the kitchen. am in your shoes. A friend of mine recently proved one tin; wen it is time,
      nothing can stop it. she is slightly older than u. she met a man 2 mths ago, a date is fixed for nov. just like hers, yours is near. It is better for you to fulfil your dreams and wait a little to get married. you dont know what some of those married girls endure or have to cover up to stay married.

    • larz

      September 30, 2015 at 4:53 pm

      I agree with all everyone said below but I will add another note to play devil’s advocate and give you a balanced view. Ask your male friends to give you a honest feedback. In fact, ask them if hypothetically, they will willingly hook you up with a close frn / colleague if you are interested in them. I used to do this when I was single and I felt asking for feedback puts me more in control and I can mentally prep myself for some harsh truth. Somethings you will decide needs working on, other things you are happy to keep as is or just be aware of.

      A situation arose recently with hubby’s frn. My husband has a grp of about 10-12 30+frns (they are like family, they have known each other for 10yrs plus, some close to 20 yrs), three of them are single frns (two are girls are seriously searching and the guy doesn’t appear to be). It came up in a conversation with some of the married men that they will never match-make the two girls with someone whose frnship they geneuinely care about. And one of the guy talking is actually related to one of the girls. Apparently, they think they are high maintenance/ drama queens and they are almost certain that it will end and take down their frnship with it. They call the girls “special” to their face as a joke but somehow, I don’t the girls understand how lowly they think of them relationship wise. Over the yrs, I see what they mean and I have experienced one of them roast people in public without care so I get where they are coming from. They probably walk around unaware of the perception people have of them.

      To the general public, there is nothing wrong with giving people CONSTRUCTIVE criticism especially people you claim to love.

  6. Ross

    September 29, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    Err…I was following and then you kind of lost me. It feels a bit rushed, like you were shouting? Not as coherent as it could be, but I look forward to reading from you again.

    • Lady

      September 29, 2015 at 9:01 pm

      You are so right! Like she is writing from an angry and bitter heart, which you might not be. Also if you have friends that won’t mind dating your ex because of money, I wonder what type of friends you have. The saying show me your friends comes to mind. At 25, I built a house for my parents from my hand work as a wholesaler and contractor. I did not f…. any man. At 29 married a man who was also in love with me. This article wants to make me to tell you to shift

  7. sisiet

    September 29, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    God created Adam, and seeing that it is not good for a man to be alone, he created Eve. One Eve oo. Not FOUR!!

    Men are wicked. Even the best of them can only show his true character when the woman is more successful. My sister’s husband will always borrow from her leaving her broke anytime she is making good money. He just wants her to be subservient. Meanwhile, on the outside, he is the perfect man. Successful biznessman o. He only needs money once she is doing well. My sister loves her husband to bits. But she has devised a means to beat him at his own game. She now has a secret account. You cannot borrow what l do not have she says. Cunny man die, cunny woman bury am.

  8. The real D

    September 29, 2015 at 8:21 pm

    This has been my song for a long time, women, bring something to the table!!! Your partner will respect you more. I know staying at home works for some family, but regardless of some men being insecure about not wanting their wives to be more well to do than they are. I am yet to meet a man who does not respect a woman that can hustle.
    I know someone who after getting her husband’s consent decided to stay home, hubby was the one working but apart from his 9_5 job,he had a few businesses, wife just sat at home, taking care of their 9 year old son, dude left her for someone that was willing to help him with his business, not financially but with taking on the responsibility of ensuring that the business was running smoothly.
    I love my hubby to death but I know real well that one of the reasons he respects me is because of my hustling spirit.

  9. ATL's finest

    September 29, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    Lol @ one Eve not 4 abiii.. I don’t blame your sis.. She needs to look out for her kids cuz some of these men do too much crap.

  10. Ocean Beauty

    September 29, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    All these men, they are the same all over.

  11. smh

    September 29, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    at the end of the day,you sound like the rest. you are also preaching about “what to do” to please a man. couldn’t finish the whole thing abeg!

    we should be talking about treating each other with respect!if you can’t handle my flaws,keep it moving.

  12. fxgangstarr

    September 29, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    tell them o!!!! all these “osho free” girls who don”t know shit bout anything except what friends and their old mama”s tell them, they fail to realize times have changed, men too are evolving, new thought patterns and beliefs emerge, most young ladies don”t realize this and prepare instead they dey keep thinking cheap”looking at the body as a bailout for mediocrity& lack of vision”. what turns me on in a woman, is sense of worth, maturity and mindset hinged on productivity and i think girl you have it, i pray i meet ahotchick with a mindset built on true values, ….i know she’s out there, somewhere.””and not this jand-speaking leeches walking arund’n louboutins with no sense of BUILDING”

  13. carina

    September 29, 2015 at 9:42 pm

    preach on!
    ckjacob.com

  14. Kelechi

    September 29, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    Oh Ma! This is a wonderful piece… may God give more GRACE for next level. Indeed “ahia oma n’ere onwe ya”.

  15. missappleberry

    September 29, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    The comments on this article just made me realize that people will always find faults in everything no matter how flawless it is. This article is the bomb to me! I’m so inspired. I had to bookmark the page. Nice article Geraldine.

  16. Missang I.

    September 30, 2015 at 2:19 am

    Thanks a lot Geraldine, I really appreciate your creativity. May God sustain you in this generation for impact and use you as a sample of His glory in the feminine world. God bless you richly in Jesus name….

  17. Promise Ajayi

    September 30, 2015 at 9:11 am

    Nice article Geraldine. God bless u

  18. Ademilola

    September 30, 2015 at 10:31 am

    Beautiful, well said. every woman needs to read this.

  19. Ginika

    September 30, 2015 at 10:50 am

    I agree with you fully.
    But why highlighting the problems proffer real solutions.
    Fathers and mothers need to start teaching their daughters that there’s more to them than their beauty or body.
    Let’s stop teaching girls that their only role in life is to get married and give birth to children.
    Lest stop teaching girls to compete with each other for a man.
    Stop teaching girls that her only help in life can come from a man.
    Just like Beyonce ‘ s pretty hurts said..mama says u a pretty girl what’s in your head doesn’t matter. Until we truly stop feeding girls such destructive message..girls would continue to be…well ‘girls’

  20. pinkiee lee

    September 30, 2015 at 11:02 am

    Waoo…so inspiring

  21. Chayoma

    September 30, 2015 at 11:49 am

    ‘…add something to that virginity.’ Thank you, Geraldine.

  22. Haddy

    September 30, 2015 at 11:58 am

    Really inspiring. I’m glad I read this.

  23. Tkum

    September 30, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    gbammmm!!!! i love you smh…i mean if i see ur weaknesses n flaws as my man, and i still stay put for you n love you just the way u are, whichever of your flaws that kills me inside, after letting u know n u do nothing about it, i devise a way to manage the life threatening flaw battle of yours for my well being and that of my kids by choosing my battles wisely, then you my man cant handle one small flaw of mine, then oga swerve….take several seats. afterall at the time we met i was ringing it as an alarm to you that i am not perfect n dont v a perfect life, but gearing and clinging towards the perfect man JESUS to make me the best i can be. my lil sis will say, ‘he made us all imperfect 4 an exact reason we humans v not come to terms with, cos only he knows ad has allowed it, just so we glory n shine in his perfection’… me sef wey be her aunty, i neva still understand this her quote i go just dey nod head like lizard dey give am high-five for nothing but the fact that i discerned wisdom in her sentence(s).

  24. Lonely Girl...

    September 30, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    ” A woman’s beauty lies in her dignity and productivity.” That’s word men. I pray God leads to me a man who would take me as I am. Last dude said I was too caring plus he doesn’t think he wants a size 18 babe as a wife? Hurts but all is well.

    • tee

      September 30, 2015 at 4:07 pm

      Madam please stop calling yourself lonely girl

  25. Geraldine, you no be igbo girl?

    September 30, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    Wait Geraldine, you no be igbo girl? ctrl shift jo

    how come na “very rich man” you yourself date?
    You see, all girls are looking for a fish (not just an ordinary fish, but a golden big fat fish)

    Majority of the women folk can never be independent. Even for those who have millions & billions, they will ask their hubby money for maggi, undies, buy me bag, xmas cloth for kids….

    Women throwing themselves at men no be today o. Till Jesus comes, it can never fit stop
    It cantit fit. hehehe
    See them all over the streets of Abuja, clubs, lounges, offices and everywhere. Infact they can walk on their head when they see money.

    This one na preaching to the gods. Women and money? taaa

    You think all the girls on BN (including the two above who said they are 35 and 39 respectively) no get men wey dey toast them on per second per second billing?
    Taaa

    The kinda guys and men wey dey come no get the kain money dey want.

    • whipped

      October 1, 2015 at 12:33 am

      Yes guys do come ard….but its either they just want your money because they know u comfy. or b a side chick….Intelligence , drive so missing in their lives…or they become insecure..who has time for dat! or d worse case scenario they are too young…aint no cougar!…..i know no one is perfect! i know wat i want …age shldnt make u desperate or settle for less. My man is out there and my season is soon! In sha Allah

  26. beauty

    September 30, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    This topic is dicey to me. For starters, women ere made to be taken care of. We are the helpers, we have a “head” whether we like it or not. When a man reaches out to us and helps out, we feel loved, relaxed and cherished. I am not saying that as a woman you shouldn’t take care of yourself, but don’t make it paramount that you forget to allow a helping hand from a man. When a woman exhumes the “miss independent” mode, some lazy men take it for granted, and that is when you find the woman taking up all the responsibilities while the man sits back and lives off her!

  27. PH Boy

    September 30, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    ….Genesis 3:16
    If only Eve did not eat that apple, we all wont be in this mess. All yee women of sharp mouth, na una ojukokoro lead una to this point so deal with it.

    • Puzzles

      September 30, 2015 at 4:48 pm

      Genesis 3:11-19, 1 Timothy 2:14: actually, if Adam had not eaten the fruit when she offered it to him, we wouldn’t be in this mess.

  28. Debs!

    September 30, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    Very Apt! Bless you Geraldine!

  29. Inspired

    October 1, 2015 at 12:12 am

    Great Article! We must all know ourselves.

  30. Annie

    October 7, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    Gosh! I love love this post! it my best on Geraldine’s ….. Beautiful.

  31. tina Agbonlahor

    October 22, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    wow, this is very educative.

    thanks dear more of this should be written. women we need to seat up with our lives.

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