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Aunty Bella: Mr. My Girlfriend is Much Taller Than Me

BellaNaija.com

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dreamstime_s_49583391Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

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This BellaNaijarian’s brother is trying to convince his girlfriend and her family that he’s right for her, despite their height difference.

She writes,

My brother is 5 feet 2 inches and his girlfriend is 6 feet tall. They love each other, but now pressure from the lady’s family is making her having second thoughts about the height issue.

She used to tell me that whenever they went out together people stared at them, but she embraced it.

They have been dating for 2 years now and he really wants to get married to her. It’s a problem now because she said she’s scared of getting married. Her family finds it a big problem and she thinks people will laugh at her choice, not because her children will be short.

But I told her if she loves him height wouldn’t matter. But what people will say about her is just what she keeps taking about.

How do we convince her and her family that height is nothing but a number?

Photo Credit: Mimagephotography | Dreamstime.com

 

59 Comments

  1. Solayo

    October 31, 2015 at 11:08 am

    HEIGHT?!! Kai! of all things to bother about. My fiance is not as tall as i am, so same my parents and i have to decided to wear a long flowing wedding gown and a cute flat wedding shoe. Really ehn, the decision is yours, its not like the guy is short, u are the tall one. You are even lucky to have a man who is not intimidated with your height. So your parents want you to marry your family member abi, cuz how many really tall guys do we even have in Nigeria and the world that will fit other atrributes this your man has. In the end sis, its your life and your happiness. After the wedding comes the marriage, which is the real deal. Bottom line is HEIGHT as a criteria for love or marriage is lame. Just love and marry this man if there is no other issue and really show him your respect him however tall you are.

    • femfem

      October 31, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Erm mm the guy is 5ft 2 tho. That’s midget category. I am 5ft 11in and I’ve always stayed away from short men. If you are not at least 5ft 10 nothing for you

    • KAI!

      October 31, 2015 at 5:28 pm

      fEMFEM U are evil! i can’t stop laughing at “midget category”

    • Say the truth

      November 1, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      Ok Sasquatch

    • Tina

      October 31, 2015 at 8:36 pm

      People are attracted to different things. For me, height is number one on my list. Don’t care if he’s handsome, rich. Thank God my husband is 6:2, handsome, financially strong and the nicest person I’ve ever meet in my life. Ladies lets not deceive ourselves, we all have criteria in relationship that we cannot compromise, it’s different for everybody. I tried dating a shorter guy once cause everybody was on my case to ignore the height difference and focus on his lovely personality and also didn’t hurt that he was rich. Trust me, really tried to ignore the height difference but in the end had to be true to myself because I was miserable and embarrassed to be seen with him. All I kept thinking was if only he was a few inches taller. Thank God I did not make that mistake and waited for what I truly want even if my husband may never end up as rich as the short guy.

    • hilda

      November 1, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      i guess this is a big joke

    • JOY

      November 3, 2015 at 9:33 am

      lol…..what wont I read.

    • mzya

      November 4, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      Well said my dear. I am a bit taller than my husband but it doesn’t bother me. He pleases me and like you said “at the end of the day, it’s about the peace and happiness that one finds in marriage”. Height never go put food on the table oooooo!!!

  2. sheetu

    October 31, 2015 at 11:15 am

    Is this a joke?

    • o

      October 31, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      It has got to be!

    • jide

      October 31, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      I don’t think it’s a joke. The short guy must be broke. His height woulld have been a non-factoor if he owned an oil block.

    • Idomagirl

      October 31, 2015 at 4:45 pm

      ?????? I can’t even argue with this.

    • Oluwa Chukwudi

      October 31, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      Bro, you hit the nail on the head. Osho baba is there as a testimony of money power. Money covers a multitude of shortcomings

    • FasholasLover

      October 31, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      Jide, I think ehn? When short men stand on their pile of doosh, they become tall. lol

      I am 5’101/2 in my stockings. All my life l have dated guys who are shorter than l am until now. I trip for the confidence of those who dare. What l hv discovered is that tall guys prefer short and small girls. Big guys love dating girls they can “take care of”. My brother is 6’4, his wife is 5’2. seeee???

      Nothing, nothing for big girls niii? Wetin naah???

      Height should not matter if there is love and respect. But TBH tall guys rock.

  3. Seun Tegbe

    Oluwaseun Oloruntegbe

    October 31, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Since when did height become just a number? Height is a pivotal part of one’s physical appearance, and attractiveness. I’d say if they’ve been together for 2 years it means they both don’t care about their height differences. If the lady is not bothered, she should be the one talking to her family and not anyone else. If the man is OK with his height and that of the girl and they’re both prepared to get married, then by all means go for it and don’t listen to what ‘people’ say. If you’re gonna be listening to what people say and base your decisions on their opinions, then maybe you’re not ready to get married. You’re the one getting married not people or your family, you’ll be the one to spend the rest of your life with your partner not your family. If his/her height works for you then please, get married already, that is if you’re not just using the height issue to mask other pressing concerns or doubts.

  4. seriously???

    October 31, 2015 at 11:55 am

    How is height even a stumbling block biko?? Her problem is what people would think not her own happiness???? Human beings never fail to surprise me mehn nn….she better decide if she wants to be happy or if she wants to please “people”

  5. Adaeze Writes

    October 31, 2015 at 11:55 am

    Dear Poster,
    Let me share what a priest said to me some days ago. ‘It is only natural that opposites attract. Tall men usually go for shorter women and short men go for tall women. It doesn’t happen every time but more often than not. Many women are insecure about their men’s physical looks and not minding his inner attributes. What if you end up getting married to a tall hunk who’ll beat you to a pulp instead of the short man who’ll treat you like a queen.’
    In all, what I gathered from the advice is, stop looking at the physical attributes and look at the inner qualities instead.

  6. Tolu

    October 31, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    I think the boy should just prove he is more than capable of taking car of her.

  7. Thatgidigirl

    October 31, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    Tell your brother to make money, lots of it. I’m not saying he is poor or anything but if your brother was a dangote, alakija, otedola or the likes I’m not sure anybody would notice his height, if he has kobo leg or dreadlocks on his head. In fact her friends and family would be advising her to stoop beside him, and saying she compliments his height. Just imagine!!!….she’s already giving him a complex.

    • Nkechi

      November 1, 2015 at 3:39 am

      Not every lady is moved by lots of money o. Money can come along the way and that’s a true possibility with God helping you make right decisions, couples have made progress from nothing to great heights. Girl go and pray. What is God saying because that conviction is what keeps you in times of challenges and anyone who tells you that there won’t be challenges is a huge liar. Forget about every one now and go settle things in your heart alone with God first because you can only imagine 10years but can’t see it.

  8. Asa!

    October 31, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    she don’t love him well enough. Period. If she did, height wouldn’t be a real issue.

  9. Kukks

    October 31, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    Some Naija parents ba? Smh! Wait till that girl enter menopause, height no go problem at all. By that time, dem go dey beg dwaf to seek for her hand in marriage. ? It is difficult to fight parents but if she loves him enough, let he go ahead and marry him. P.S: She should learn to develop thick skin. And to my fellow Nigerians who are always nosy, drink LOTS of water and MIND your business today! ?

  10. bruno

    October 31, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    I love short guys said nobody EVER.

    short guys are not attractive at all. short guys are always intimidated by any one who is taller than them and they are insecure. tufia

    dear ladies, if his height starts with a 5, pls RUN

    pls height is not just a number, as a woman u need to marry a tall guy (6 feet and above) so the probability of ur kids being tall will be high.

    tall people are finer also (looking at myself in the mirror, singing nicki minaj’s feeling myself)

    • koins

      October 31, 2015 at 1:03 pm

      I started reading this comment and the first thing that came to me was, who on earth could be this shallow. My mistake, I forgot to check for the name of the commenter. Bruno! It can only be you sha! You need to work on the shallowness of your thought process please!

    • T

      October 31, 2015 at 1:23 pm

      At times I like to think this Bruno just likes being sarcastic…….other times I feel he talks the way he does just to piss people of on purpose

    • *curious*

      October 31, 2015 at 7:35 pm

      He likes attention

    • KAI!

      October 31, 2015 at 5:32 pm

      Bruno! Only you can make this comment, only you, no other. It still made me laugh sha

  11. Tolu

    October 31, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    Biko hand her over to me with immediate effect????

  12. joy

    October 31, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    Height doesn’t really matter, love is all that matters in marriage. Am 6 feet tall and my fiance is 5feet and 8 inch. We are getting married very because wedding plans is in motion already

    • femfem

      October 31, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      What if he was 5ft 2 like the chap up there

  13. Bliss

    October 31, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    I’ll take a different approach to this because I have been a victim of the self esteem issues that come with short men. I’m 5,8 and curvy. I once dated a guy who was about 5,4. The height difference was very obvious. I was skeptical about it in the beginning but he was the sweetest person ever. He treated me like Gold and I told myself I will be a fool to let him slide cuz of his height. Ahhhh the sarcastic comments we got from friends and family. I was head over heels in love with him. I think the comments started getting to him and he started to withdraw. Till this day, I suspect some particular close friends of his who could not get over our relationship. I even overheard one of them ask him why he couldn’t find a “petite babe.” Long story short, he went cold turkey on me. I learned my lesson. I NEVER!! I mean NEVER EVER!! Compromise on ish like that anymore. You don’t have to be the most handsome man out there. But height?? Ohhhh hell no!! Most of them have self esteem issues. And unless you are a psychologist, run!!
    Ohhh well, to our lady in the story. I’ll say follow your instincts. If he loves you and is confident in himself, go for it. If he’s not, you know what to do.

  14. TANTRA

    October 31, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    Height? If that’s all your problem,then you have no problem. Meet Denrele for his shoe maker’s number.

  15. l

    October 31, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    lol… of all the things to be worried about is height? you should be happy that you’ve got a good man.. the easiest way to cure her worry is to tall her to think about famous men who are short and still how they embrace that and still go on with their lives; being successful. example would be Kirk Franklin, peter dinklage to name a few….
    be happy, life isnt about height!!!

    • Hunters

      November 1, 2015 at 11:24 am

      Kevin Hart, and see his babe and ex wife *smiles*. With his height babes still dey rush am.

  16. Californiabawlar

    October 31, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    1. He’s not rich ‘enough’
    2. She doesn’t love him ‘enough’
    3. She never mashure ‘enough’

    Either way, your brother needs to give her space to figure out what she wants….you should never have to CONVINCE someone to marry you. It never ends well.

    p.s. Enough is in quotes cos you really don’t need a qualifier for wealth, maturity and love…especially when it comes to marriage, you either got it or you don’t.

  17. Krasavitsa

    October 31, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    I’m guilty AF of this height difference ish. I’m 5’10 and I prefer guys who are my height or taller than me. I’ve been called vain and I’m not working on it. :). I’ve MANY other things I overlook in a man and height isn’t one of them. I think many Nigerians aren’t that progressive to think it’s ok for a 6footer to marry a really short man; if not, I’d have seen loads of short men with very tall women. Well that’s just me. So, to the brother in the story, seriously, if her family can sway her decision to marry you just like that, then she probably was bothered about your height from the beginning and has been pretending or she’s found a taller brother. Give her some time off; you deserve a woman who isn’t as vain as I am and would appreciate all 5ft2inches of your sexiness 😉

  18. Wow

    October 31, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    Height really shouldn’t be an issue especially since they’ve been together for 2 yrs. I’m taller than my husband. I remember when we started getting serious while dating. I too was very skeptical about him bcos of the height difference. It was more of what will people say. He’s a very nice and caring guy. I remember what my friend told me. She said, “will you let a good guy go because of his height? Even if people talk when they see you. They’ll only talk the first time they see you. They’re not going to keep talking about the height difference; they’ll get used to it”. I say that to you now. The people that you care about their opinion will get used to the height difference.
    I sense there’s other issues going on but she’s using the height difference as an excuse.

    • mzya

      November 4, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      I had issues with my husband’s height too. Oh I remember how so worried I was. And the most stupid thing was, I was only an inch taller than him; I guess dating taller guys before I met him got into my head. But I thank God for my mother who talked some sense into me. I’m one happy woman now.

  19. ENNY**

    October 31, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    But you saw his height b4 you guys started dating. It’s been 3yrs since and now it’s an issue. Girl you just don’t wanna marry him. I dated a shorter guy once & I never wanted to go out w/him in public, so I understand how you feel. I loved him but with his height it just wasn’t real. Ps: you’re tall embrace it; he’s short as long as he can stand on his money; you’re both in love be proud of it.

  20. Dami

    October 31, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    5:2 – 6 is ALOT!!! Is she sure she can go ahead with such? She CANT wear heels with such difference because without heels they already look like child and mother. I know this because i was almost in such situation and his height was 5:3 while I’m 5:9 but standing beside him i could see middle of his head. she needs to think about it properly. marriage is a life time thing, way different from two year relationship.

    • Erinma

      November 5, 2015 at 7:51 pm

      I am literally crying here in the library over this! See the Middle of his head?! That’s deep!

  21. Jambo

    October 31, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    Everything in life comes in pairs. Left/Right. Big/Small. Happy/Sad. Right/Wrong. Tall/Short. You might not find absolute love with a taller guy. Hang on to your short man. See that short governor with him young taller wife.

  22. Zacheus

    October 31, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    If he is a tax collector or customs officer, his bank accounts can make up for the lost height.

  23. Novice

    October 31, 2015 at 11:19 pm

    If that ‘short’ guy makes her happy, if he is proud of her, if he loves and shows her love, if she is at peace with being with him, if he is her best friend and she is sexually attracted to him, then she should please throw that ‘height matter’ in the closest trash bin she finds. Life isn’t hard, we are the ones that make it hard by getting ourselves tangled in unnecessary issues. We over think things too much.
    A man’s height has nothing to do with being a good husband so she should dust their comments aside and face her life. If she marries a tall bad husband, it is the same people that will be telling her to endure.?

  24. Avril

    October 31, 2015 at 11:21 pm

    Please pardon my ignorance, but what is the email address to send an ‘Aunty Bella’ mail to?Please help a sister out.

    • BellaNaija.com

      BellaNaija.com

      November 1, 2015 at 10:11 am

      features (@) bellanaija.com
      Thanks!

    • Avril

      November 1, 2015 at 8:10 pm

      Thanks!

  25. Mama

    November 1, 2015 at 12:12 am

    Seriously???? Did anyone of us create ourselves? I don’t know what to think reading some of these comments. Does anyone of us actually think the fact they are tall or short is their own doing…….Like “I am 6feet2 because I chose to be!!!” ???? ….And “he is 4feet because he/she wants to be!!!!”????

  26. Fola

    November 1, 2015 at 7:27 am

    Am 5.8 to be sincere I think you ladies get it wrong, a lot of us tall guys suffer more of inferiority complex than short guys. A lot of us tall guys do not know how to speak comfortably with women one on one or women in numbers, short guys can,

    You ladies kind of make it all easy for the tall guys by giving them attention, so the tall us don’t really have to say much or prove much, but be sincere to yourself remember the beautiful words you were told by a short guy, the nice way he asked you out and also like to see you smile? Be sincere to yourself, who are the real men in approaching a woman?

    Give a tall guy a hard time and see how they become idealess.

    And the public should learn to respect other people decision, not like you are any better, taller guys above 6ft are dumb

    • Pacey

      November 1, 2015 at 2:09 pm

      5’8″ is not tall! It’s even on the low side of average for male height.

    • Right

      November 1, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Tell him o. I thought he meant to write 6’8. 5’8 is not even average height for a guy.

    • mzya

      November 4, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      lol

  27. Urgh

    November 1, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    This becomes an issue after TWO YEARS…? Really? Please take a seat.

    Why date him all this while? Height can’t be a deal breaker to marriage after a couple years of dating. It could be a deal breaker to dating, which is fair enough – to each his/her own…

  28. zainab

    November 1, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    am a girl, 6’1ft tall , i hardly meet guys am taller than and frankly i cant be bothered…… am always the tallest in my relationships, not that i dont like tall guys…..

  29. Miss

    November 2, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Physical attributes in choosing a life partner is a matter of choice. The important thing is for one to be truthful to himself/herself. Once you’re proud of your partner, however he/she looks then you’re good to go. Otherwise, RETREAT!!!.

    From my personal experience, I know physical attributes matter to me a lot and I’m not one to overlook that. I met a guy through a friend sometime ago. The said guy was in a different state so we only got talking over the phone and we had great communication from the kick off. We exchanged pictures but I noticed that whenever he sends pictures they were NEVER full pics and they were always excuses why that was so after claiming he is of average height ooo. I started sensing insecurity from him. To cut the story short, I insisted we must see before getting serious with him over the phone. He finally showed up and he was short and lanky( NOTHING like his pics!!!) . I tried not to be disappointed because i know I cant even create an ant……LOL but then deep down inside me I knew I was going to be settling. My friends told me to ignore his stature and feed meat to his bones jare since he’s a nice guy. From the day I agreed to date him, I unconsciously started wishing every tall guy I met was him and that was when I knew I wasn’t one of those that could overlook looks. I “jejely” found a way to withdraw from the relationship. I dint want a situation where each time someone makes a comment about his look i’ll start to question my decision with him. Life is too short to be unhappy. It might sound vain but this is my truth biko.

    P.S
    I’m 5’5 and slim and with a 4inch heel I could see the center of his head.

  30. keeks

    November 2, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    just seeing this, its so funny, this girl is probably 16 or 18, or 21… i am standing at a comfortable 5”11, my boyfriend of 2years is at a 5”8. you have no idea how its a major turn on in our relationship, every chance he gets he shows me off, i hate wearing heels when we go out, but brova man insists so i stand at 6’1 wen we go out. of all the guys that have approached me, he’s the second short guy i have really liked, all the 6 footers are nothing but insecure dogoyaro’s, really. short men are by far one of the most confident and resilient men. they know what they want and amongst the most successful because they use what seems like a disadvantage to propel them forward. i am even the insecure one at times m like maybe he would soon leave me for one short girl now.(lol). truth be told luv, u dont really like him, because after 2years its now seemingly comfortable for you to air what you dont like that has been in front of you. m sure you dint think the relationship would last, now that its having a headway, your fears are coming to the fore… either that or you’re just really immature.

  31. Oli

    November 2, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    This story reminded me of the first two short guys that I dated years back. I am 5′ 11 tall and the first guy was like 5’6 tall. One day I visited him and was about to go home, then he got up to plant a peck on my cheek by standing on his toes and using the wall as support, almost like jumping up….i was horrified!
    The second guy never got down from his car. All the toasting, dating etc was in sitting position.

  32. Ada Awka

    November 3, 2015 at 12:08 am

    Let’s be real people. I’m a hard core realist. In all honesty, 5ft2 against 6ft is way too much. Yes i can marry someone shorter than me but not with so much disparity…. Am 6ft plus and can’t go below a 5ft8 guy hooooohaaaaaaaaa!! It’s not being vain, it’s being honest to yourself and knowing what works for you. I don’t want to look like an iroko beside him and subjecting me to a life of wearing just flats is a very high price (compromise) I won’t be willing to pay. Life is too short biko!
    My only ish is, how come she now sees his height as an issue after having dated him for 2 years?? Something is wrong somewhere.

  33. Olivia

    November 12, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    u knw urself n what you can live wt if u tink u can b confident alone wt him at home n not in public then its a problem. if u are not proud of him do not go into it cos u’ll gradually die out of inner struggle

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