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Temi A. That Is Not My Name

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I saw a video of Rihanna. In it, she was posing for the paparazzi and one of them must have called her baby or something similar. She looked at him with undisguised contempt and responded “don’t call me baby” or words to that effect. Watching this led to a long and I must say a most satisfying rant with a friend. I am haunted. Darling, sweetheart, sweety, sweets, every form of affections and confectionaries has been ascribed to me. Ordinarily this would make me a person happy. Who does not wish to be referred to in such affectionate terms? Why then do I take umbrage to being referred to affectionately in certain circumstances?

I consider it a slight against my person when people I interact with do not call me by my given name. If you are a close friend or family and you refer to me affectionately, I love it. An acquaintance, colleague, or client in a formal or semi formal situation I absolutely detest affectionate epithets from. This bothered me a lot, especially at work. I am trying to maintain a veneer of professionalism. However, I cannot take over the world, or control a portion of it if half its populace refer to me as darling and see me as a member of the teletubbies. In light of my frustration, I decided to carry out a mini social experiment as to how often this happens to me, if I was exaggerating, and if there was something I did unconsciously to facilitate this. For a while I thought maybe I did not dress professionally enough, or I unconsciously gave off a vibe that was immature because I was subject to this more so than my male colleague.

In the past weeks before writing this feature, I took to observing people who had affectionate monikers for me both at work and outside work. I discounted absolute strangers with whom I had no interaction whatsoever as a mere “sorry darling” whilst a person walks past me in a crowd is not enough to cause a mental breakdown. Subsequently, I was left with the people I interacted with mostly at work, and other social events. A friend has told me that this is “not a big deal” and has informed me that my anger might be slightly displaced. He might be right; however, I like what I like, and detest what I detest. You should note that this observation relates to me, and might not resonate with you. Read on nonetheless, it is interesting I promise.

At work, I noticed that more women than men refer to me affectionately. They almost took if for granted when they extended a cursory “thank you for your help darling” my way. This made sense to a certain extent. Women are more affectionate than men? N’cest pas? My EUREKA moment. I was not the architect of my own discomfort. I was not satisfied still. My male colleague escaped almost unscathed in this regard. If my action or inaction did not foster this, and my professionalism was intact why did these women not refer to us in the same manner? At this point, I decided that I had had enough of social experimentation. Philosophising had not gotten me result therefore I needed a strategy. I came up with my version of Pavlov’s classical conditioning to cope at work. Whenever a client resorted to confectionary names, I calmly pause in the middle of the conversation, smile, look pointedly at them and refer to them by their name. For example (Temi talks: ramble, ramble, ramble ramble; Client says: no sweetheart, I do not think that is a good idea. Temi pauses, smiles, says: Ms/Mr/Mrs (insert name) pauses a few seconds more just to be dramatic then continues conversation) This technique is relatively new in my arsenal against puppy names in the work place and I cannot ascertain its success. It might be that my boss might be sending me a memo in a few weeks. I just cannot say, although I feel better for it already.

Outside of the work place, the result was factual and expected. More men than women referred to me affectionately. The majority of them were patronising, flirty, and then sexist in that order. I wish I could draw up a graph, however I have always been a terrible maths students, and mathematical computation is beyond me. This was merely for my personal use. So I cannot be statistically correct.

In all this, I gained an insight that allowed me peace of mind regarding this issue. I have decided firmly (note the use of the adjective here) that people who go around bandying affectionate terms are the laziest types of people at social interaction. You think I lie? Ask them if they remember your name. That is if they give you the opportunity to introduce yourself to them in the first instance. I might have a harsh stance against them but this is due to my bias. Mea maxima culpa. I also think that I am more sensitive to this because I am a woman and I think I have to try harder in my profession. I arrived at this conclusion because it did not bother my male friends when I asked how they reacted to these affectionate names at work. They simply did not care.

Are you guilty of this? If you are, comment below. I truly wish to hear your side of the story. If you dislike affectionate names at work and formal settings, please rant, rave and share your experiences also. Writing this has been therapeutic for me. Gods forbid I deny you that pleasure too.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Paffy1969

I like to believe that I am entirely focused on building a career as a Solicitor, but my love for Food and Yoruba movies poses a serious threat to this dream.

59 Comments

  1. ATL's finest

    October 9, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    Story of my LIFE!!! I thought I was crazy or I am the only one that find it annoying too. Yes, close friends, FAM, lovely coworkers ( that’s I’m use to) u can call me that.. I use to ve a friend call me Sexy Bitch damm I wish I was skinny like U.. I never got mad but brush it off. Fast forward.. I got a new job (not new to d field) I’m usually quite until I start opening up. Here comes this tiny heffa can u do this, oya as in 90 days probation, I’m running to do it. Before u know it, can u do that I did not complain. ( mind u, she’s bn calling me baby, honey etc & commanding me ) all in d name of supervisor. Hmmm 9ja babes no dey carry last. The 3rd day (waking up in wrong frame of mind) all theworms dey hungry! Here comes her again. As soon as she started, I put a STOP to it ASAP & I made sure it was done in frony of EVERYONE. Who are u to be so disrespectful? Second, U DON’T even know me to call me affectionate names & Third, I’m not your child, ur dog, etc I’m a GROWN ass woman like U & even older than U in this field. Omo see the look on everyone’s face esp. her. As in “this quite chick”. Oh yes I’m crazy like U! And I tell U after that day she knew my name & I got the respect I deserve. 5yrs on & she can’t stand my guts & that’s absolutely FINE by me!!! Honey, sweetie my TAIL like as if I’m her puppet. Is one thing to not know my name & is another to b disrespectful BS.

    • Nkechi

      October 10, 2015 at 1:38 am

      I can understand your point but it is easier to take such a stance if you are an employee and don’t have to think about growing a business, keeping old clients and getting new ones, paying salaries etc. If you are the CEO,COO etc what they call you will be the least of your problems as long as it is not derogatory. For example, if Mrs Alakija walks into my office and calls me ‘darling’ and we sign a contract and keep a good relationship, why should the ‘darling’ matter after all. A very wealthy Nigerian who knows my name calls me ‘my sister’ often and that does not bother me because he has contributed to my life more than some people who call me by name. You’ll pay to have him speak to you. His business acumen is something else. An age mate of his books an appointment with him and goes to see him holding a paper and pen. Trust me struggling to get him to call me by my name is insignificant. Dreams are more precious than those little things. If you want to roll at the top with great business men and women, if you want to run your own business with lots of employees, darling, sweetie whatever won’t move you. I have met men and women of integrity who address you that way. Sometimes women in their 50’s or 60’s use the term ‘ose my dear’ a lot meaning ‘thank you my dear’ even if they are not close to you. It does not mean that they have an ulterior motive. We are all entitled to how we feel about certain things but greatness in life will not focus on such, sometimes your path to becoming great could be an insult (that is some people’s story). An uncle made a statement I didn’t like but yet sent me to a prestigious University in the UK all school fees, accommodation, pocket money fully paid. After I completed my education, I had become mature and realized that I was only being childishly emotional. He just wanted to tell me the truth like he would tell his own daughter. We are good friends now, the last time I visited him, he still gave me money and treated me like his little girl. For others, greatness may mean being patient with other people and understanding them and I must say this is tough and that is why the number of great people on earth are fewer. My point is this, if you want to be great, you may have to overlook some things. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be opinionated but remember the fact that there are so many people in this world coming from different places and you may have to permit some things as long as they are not offensive to your value system.

      NB: In the case of the opposite sex, one may have to be speak up because that can be sensitive. Eg a single or married man calling a single lady ‘baby’ ‘darling’ ‘sweetie’ etc. That’s unnecessary. If she is not your wife , fiancée, girlfriend and if you do not intend to start dating her in the case of a single man why would you become emotional in your address. Please let the woman stay focused on her job and not have to dispense extra energy on your ludicrous statements. (same goes for women who do the same). Please stop it. Thank you.

    • George

      October 10, 2015 at 10:09 am

      That word ‘Quite’ is quite spelt ‘Quiet’ not only in ATL, but all over the world.

    • Joke

      October 12, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      This is quite interesting o. How do you use endearments and disrespect at the same time. Most people who use it are more over familiar than disrespectful.

  2. Anon

    October 9, 2015 at 7:00 pm

    Hi Mate (yes, you Temi.A.) Those terms don’t bother me because they are terms of endearment.

    Try travelling to South America where negrito is a term of endearment to South Americans.. Not so much anywhere else because it’s the N word. It got someone in trouble not too long ago in the BPL (ask Evra and that buck-toothed twat from Uruguay who bit Chiellini).

  3. kanyin

    October 9, 2015 at 7:00 pm

    All these because of darling, sweetheart and honey… o girl! you noh get problem o! Loool!

  4. Unique

    October 9, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Methinks there existe diffferent underlying factors.
    For exsmple, guys call themselves mean sounding names like *mad, bush boy, squarehead, ologogoro, brown teeth and what have you* buh dnt really mean it. Its just guys weird ways of apportioning affectionate greetings. Guys take it as a pinch of salt and nothing personal
    However ladies tends to be more affectionate in apportioning pet names but it depends on the depth and scope of the relationship between the parties involves.

    A guy scenerio
    Guy 1 : ( calls guy2) hey son of a bitch, how you dey?
    Guy 2: how you doing small prick, wetinndey happen
    Guy 1: hope you ddnt wet the bed, agbaya like you, i just want to inform you that im coming to your place to charge my phone.
    Guy2: nonsense boy, your mouth like overiped pawpaw, no problem sha. Come on time o or else i will flog ur eyes off
    Guy1: u no fit.im on my way already, make sure u arrange small bottles o, cockroach head
    Guy 2: okay no problem.

    After the call
    Guy1 thinks: man! mike is a good dependable friend
    Guy2 thinks: gideon is a nice guy, he csn be naughty though

    A typical ladies convo
    Lady1: (call lady2) how you doing sweetheart
    Lady 2: im fine love, darling i have misssed you alot o, where have you been?
    Lady1: i call to informed you that i am coming to visit you at home
    Lady 2: no problem desr, you are always welcome
    Lady1: make sure you cook something down wiith a cold malt ready
    Lady2: no problem sweetie

    After the call
    Lady 1 (thinks):i am going to visit that ashawo bitch again
    Lady 2: that slut think i will buy drinks for her with my own money, mtcheww

    • Greenwinch

      October 9, 2015 at 8:01 pm

      Now i am forced to comment first time

      Smh. And the point of your arguement is?…………………

    • Cindy

      October 9, 2015 at 8:33 pm

      And the last 5 lines destroyed your lovely comment.

    • AlabamaUncut Blog

      October 10, 2015 at 2:25 am

      Hellloooo??? Ladies don’t think like that oh! In fact, guys do. Can’t tell how many times I don curse Raymond for coming to my house to short my ration. And how many times I don hide my food for Akanimowoh. And I’m not stingy oh, but those guys, Kai!

    • Oi

      October 10, 2015 at 9:17 am

      Lol. He’s actually right. I know girls that do this behind eachother’s backs. They are smiling at eachother and on social media “girlll, you’re in town? We have to hook up!!!” and next I know she’s telling everyone that cares to listen “that girl can lie for Africa, pretender”. And I’m just there like ki lon shele. P.S I’m a girl and have first hand experiences.

    • Tosin

      October 10, 2015 at 11:20 am

      Cheering and clapping. Give this UNIQUE nega the Nobel Prize.

    • Tkum

      October 12, 2015 at 1:21 pm

      looooool….dead!

  5. Oluwatosin

    October 9, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    I really love this article.

    Personally I don’t have anything against affection name calling, but what I am against is when men are using it wrongly on women. I use affection names on people I feel like we have something in common or if my sprit works with you.

  6. Tosin

    October 9, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    guilty. i spread the love generously. i love YOU. i love sweety-fuzzy-all-that. costs nothing. and like you said, it covers a multitude of sins.

  7. Ije

    October 9, 2015 at 7:23 pm

    The one I can’t stand is a toaster whom I’m not even feeling using terms of endearment to refer to me. It burns my soul. I delete his voicemails with a swiftness one I hear “hello, sweetie”. I thought it would pass with time and as I got older, but it hasn’t. I politely asked one yesterday to refrain from calling me those. Not every woman responds positively to that, especially if they barely know you.

    • ATL's finest

      October 9, 2015 at 11:27 pm

      @ Ije God bless U esp when I’m definitely NOT feeling it

    • iyke

      October 10, 2015 at 8:44 am

      @Ije …exactly the reasone you were upset….You weren’t attracted to him.
      If he is a desirable and you are attracted to him,you wouldn’t mind him using terms of endearment even is he is a stranger.How he uses it in in the context of the conversation is another topic.

    • Ije

      October 10, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      That’s a very presumptuous comment to make, Iyke as I’m really not one given to cheesy endearments. I would tell a toaster I was attracted to to stop as well.The “unfavored” (for lack of a better word) toaster using these terms with me just makes my abhorrence of them that much worse. It’s just not in my nature to use and accept them. A cute shortening of my name would do.

    • Toks

      October 10, 2015 at 5:41 pm

      Toaster, look ground very well before you start using those terms. Let the girl start liking you first, guess you were just being positive abi.

  8. arikeagbe

    October 9, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    My colleagues think I’m crazy because I don’t like being called ‘babe’, ‘sweetie’, ‘fine girl’ and all their variations. I also dont like being told I look ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’. Biko is that why we are in the office?? I ask some guys how they would feel if I started calling them ‘guy’ or ‘this guy’ and they screw up their faces and say it’s not quite the same thing. People do not understand how to be professional in this country. The few times I threatened to report lewd comments to HR, I was either laughed at or called wicked. Men, please behave yourselves. Not every woman likes to be called those annoying pet names. They’re belittling. Call people by their names. Thank you as you comply.

  9. Le coco

    October 9, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    This makes my blood boil.. I cant even deal.. There is a restaurant that opened up in my neighbourhood.. I find myself passing by often to go anywhere shops, other restaurants etc… can you believe the male employees think it is normal to call me sexy gorgeous.. etc. um.. I am a customer oo.. paying for your overpriced food.. last week I was walking by it was past 9pm.. Nd my fone was buzzing so I stopped by the building adjacent to this rest aran.. It was dark.. no but me walking tht way.. but ehn.. The employee from said retaurant chased me in this darkness.. saying he wnts to invite.me for coffee… another one was asking for my address and number.. asIn..
    Since the opening of this restraint I have had to expirience this EVERYDAY(I am not exxagerating)… I was fed up.. I went to the manager the next day to report.. Nd he knew exactly the culprits.. and they have been fired…
    I refuse to be called such by randoms. ESSPECIALLY in a professional atmosphere. Nd now I am speaking up…

    • pasumaa

      October 9, 2015 at 10:19 pm

      you sha want comment abi?? oya take this….’notice me’. #shior

    • AlabamaUncut Blog

      October 10, 2015 at 2:33 am

      You sounds like Alakada! Toyin Aimakhu where are you? Your sister is here oh…

    • Tosin

      October 10, 2015 at 11:32 am

      eeyaaa. young mechanic near my house says “Tosin Babie” every time he sees me. very old maigad flirts, says I’m his wife, queries me when other men visit etc. It all makes me feel loved.

      Just want to say I respect your opinion, Temi A. “However, I cannot take over the world, or control a portion of it if half its populace refer to me as darling and see me as a member of the teletubbies.”
      Do what it takes, because even though I may not know you, I want you to take over the world (it’s hard not to add a Baby here) and I love women who are not afraid of power (and by extension I love you.) This may seem patronizing, and I love feedback, learning experience, so correct me if I upset you again.
      It is one stage at a time. For now, assert yourself, ok, no wahala. After you get some level of power and I guess r-e-s-p-e-c-t and confidence too, it’s sort of about softness. Mushiness rules the world ultimately. How did a black man named Obama sneak in as president of a racist country? Blessed are the meek, mennn, for they shall inherit the earth.
      I’ve been hard, now I’m all soft. Maybe that’s a typical path – sticks and carrots, hard power and soft power. Go Girl, get that hard power. (did that cross the line?)

  10. Edu

    October 9, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    But seriously, you work in the library. What dyu expect. The atmosphere in the library isn’t formal.

  11. SS

    October 9, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    Hi guys,this is different totally from the topic but related somehow,my husband doesn’t like to say the 3 words I LOVE YOU?I have accused him several times but he keeps telling me he isn’t that kind of person,that he doesn’t believe in saying it all the time,that when you say it al, the time it’s doesn’t have meaning anymore, he’s more of an action person, he acts on his emotions not mere words,that his actions should speak for him not saying I LOVE YOU all the time, and deep down I feel good about him,but I just wonder a times, and besides he told me he was not a romantic person,he told me that right from start…….,we could go 3 months without saying i love you to each other,we have been married for close to 2 year and I haven’t had cause to regret, though we have misunderstandings atimes,and we are always quick to apologize to each other,I just wonder a times

    • Femfem

      October 10, 2015 at 1:07 am

      You better forget all that love bullshit. You are married now. You are even lucky he says it every 3 months. Wait till you have kids and I doubt that he will ever say it again.

    • Tot

      October 10, 2015 at 6:47 am

      SS, read up on Love languages by Gary Chapman

    • Izze

      October 10, 2015 at 9:08 am

      If you were my sister, I would advice you to banish that ‘wandering’ thought. If you feed into it, it will grow and become a self-inflicted problem that could cause you to break your home/marriage with your own hands. Your husband’s love language is different from yours. You say he shows his love through his actions. Listen to those actions. Besides, there are men that say ‘I love you’ but do not show it in words. For me, actions trump words everytime.

    • Babycakes

      October 10, 2015 at 10:53 am

      So why are u bothered now. U were cool about it from the start. Why are u worried now? women and our wahala o

    • Tosin

      October 10, 2015 at 11:40 am

      Something happened this morning and I felt that it happened so I could share it with somebody. How true, SS, that person is you.
      This is the koko, what you need to know:
      “I know, you love me, me too” – insert that at the end of a phone call or at the time when you’re missing the three words. As in, there’s a barrier, he can’t say it. He’s doing something loving to compensate for the fact that he can’t say it. He’s choking, dying, but for important complex reasons it’s not something he can say because woah that stuff is heavy mennn. So you on the other hand need it, and it’s not that heavy. You can say it and not feel the weight of responsibility, like, would you be able to live up to this ideal forever (that’s not part of your calculation, you’re just expressing your own feeling right now.) No need for strife. Help him. Say it for him. “You love me Aww, you really love me. Haha, you love me. Me too.” Shikena.
      I hope this helps.

      Another one of those moments I wish somebody would like sell my books or something. Be repeating myself. Lord. Give me patience. Hint: poetry. feed soul.

    • beabea

      October 12, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      kudos jares i like your position. my husband is exactly like that. You know what i tell him…… shebi you love me abi? initially he found it awkward but now you know what he does? ……. whenever he is bored he too will come and jokingly say shebi you love me abi! like making fun of me. it has become a joke in our lives and I enjoy it.

      interestingly just as i was reading this I remember that he has not even said that in a while and i have not asked him either. meaning we are becoming alike and it does not bother me anymore.

    • Tosin

      October 14, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      Awwww, cuuuute.

  12. pasumaa

    October 9, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    nothing to rant about anylonger fa? u get time.

  13. natty

    October 9, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    I hate being called baby especially by men. One dude that i’ve warned several times nearly put me in trouble by pinging me on BBM and calling me Baby when my BF was with my phone. Thankfully my last chat with him was warning to stop that

  14. Eebony

    October 9, 2015 at 11:39 pm

    i dont mind endearments as long as they aint negative…i have heard a lot of fine geh, sexy,…blah blah blah,but some peeps dunno when to stop,a colleague who i dont talk to walks up to me and calls me *BLACK ANGEL*……WTF..i corrected him immediately shoving my ID card in his face…he knew better next time he saw me.

  15. beauty

    October 9, 2015 at 11:59 pm

    There’s this lazy stingy man in my office. he calls me babygirl. I don’t know what gave me the courage today, I told him off. told him “don’t u ever call me that again. call me by my name cs we’re in an official setting!” he was stunned.

    • Tumike

      October 10, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      The funny part about your statement is the fact that the man is both lazy and stingy, guess he has no right whatsoever to call anyone not just you ‘baby girl’

  16. Temi. A

    October 10, 2015 at 12:16 am

    Lool. I should update my profile I suppose. I do not work in the library anymore. However, if this was predominant in the library, I think I would still feel the same way as that would be my place of work.

  17. Femfem

    October 10, 2015 at 1:08 am

    After all them plenty degrees , you are a librarian, hian

    • Tot

      October 10, 2015 at 6:49 am

      Wow, you are mean. What kind of mentality is this Femfem? What is the crime in being a librarian. Really disgusting attitude. That is how you people keep looking down on others, go and sort your attitude out.

    • Tee

      October 10, 2015 at 8:14 am

      What a silly comment. If you have nothing to say, shut up!

    • Tosin

      October 10, 2015 at 11:41 am

      Femfem, hang around, you’ll learn something. 😀

    • Temi. A

      October 10, 2015 at 11:55 am

      Oga femfem, pull up your pants my brother.. You have failed today. Go back to bed.

    • Amaka

      October 10, 2015 at 6:11 pm

      Knowledge is power. Temi has only shown that she is not lazy, when I was doing my LLB in a top UK University, I worked as a customers service representative, another girl who was doing her LLM worked in the same place. After my LLB, I got a data processing job at night with a bank which made me concentrate on starting LPC classes in the morning. You start from somewhere but God will bless those who choose to do something with their hands. The mistake many graduates make is what is keeping them idle. Who told you that being a librarian was her dream job or passion. That was just a path and guess what, no one can take that experience from her. Just in case someone thinks I am her relative or friend, absolutely not. I am just someone who has towed that part before and who is currently on a greater route. Get your experience so that when you are done all you have are not just degrees. Joseph in the Bible was excellent everywhere he was placed though his father was extremely wealthy. If he did not have a good attitude, he wouldn’t have become the prime minister, a family friend of mine chose to work in his uncle’s photocopying shop instead of sitting down at home lounging as a computer science graduate with no job. That was where he met his fortune, someone saw him, liked his organizational skills and offered him a job at a top IT company. Choose to work even if you have not gotten your dream job. Which is what Temi did. Pride will keep many young people at poverty level. God says whatever you lay your hands on shall prosper. Once I caught that revelation, I chose to work even as a mother.

    • Ngozi

      October 10, 2015 at 6:37 pm

      Temi. A, that statement has only made me respect you more. You chose to work instead of staying idle and that is the right attitude. The reason some graduates are poor today is because they won’t do anything while waiting for the big one. How will you get experience, isn’t that why experience becomes a stumbling block after you have applied for your dream job. This girl chose to work in the library and should never be criticized for doing the right thing. That is not her end. If you read the article properly, you will notice the fact that she intends to become a solicitor, but wisdom made her do something rather than sit down doing nothing. A medical doctor who is close to me did odd jobs while preparing for her final exams. Now she has opened her own medical practice with 6 branches.

    • Me

      October 11, 2015 at 12:21 am

      Mehnnn! @femfem how vain can a human being be? It is because of the mentality of people like you that those who do the most important jobs in society are not given their due respect.

    • Naomi

      October 11, 2015 at 7:26 pm

      Lol, many PHds in england work in african stores and tesco. Oga please if you dont have any contribution to the topic gerraarraahiiaa mehn shiii

  18. Mz_daniels

    October 10, 2015 at 8:36 am

    I actually call people darling and sweetie a lot. Guys in my office don tire. God help you we’re now close, I’ll give u a special nickname. Even the young guy that reports to me is called by a nickname and I am called by a nickname too. Btw, I get As in my appraisals cos I’m good at my job.

    Professionalism doesn’t mean we should be cold abeg. There are more serious world issues.

  19. janedoe

    October 10, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    Lol @ Black angel ?

  20. Kiks

    October 10, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    I think those endearments create an emotional reaction in some people that’s why. For example, if you are single woman and a single or married man uses those terms, you begin to get confused.

  21. Chinma Eke

    October 10, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    I’m someone who uses endearment and nicknames a lot, so it doesn’t really bothered me except when it’s obscene.
    That’s being said, I really don’t think what people call you is going to affect your conquering the world one way or the other. Let them call you wha6t they will, while you defined yourself.

  22. Kenechukwu

    October 10, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    IMHO, there is nothing wrong in endearments as long as they are not overtly sexist i.e references to female anatomy. I use ‘dear’ more than often and nobody has ever complained.
    Men will always be affectionate towards women and sometimes, vice versa. However, it is your right to like what you like and detest what you detest.
    You sound like a well-read person and my questions are:

    Are you a feminist?

    Did you see the Charlotte Proudman/LinkedIn fiasco?

  23. osita

    October 11, 2015 at 6:32 am

    this is so much fun than watching TV, keep the comments coming.

  24. meserami

    October 11, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    Lame topics with ugly comments. How is this a problem?

  25. whocares

    October 12, 2015 at 9:47 am

    I think this will mostly make sense to young professionals. I have a client who not only calls me Princess, but asks me to say “hello to mommy and daddy” every single time I see him. I die a little inside. As a trainee, I am trying to put my best professional feet forward and these names do not help. If you owned your own company, then you have a certain level of confidence, and you know these people have confidence in you as well. so the darlings and everything will be par for the course for you. However, as a young professional, we are not there yet. We are trying to build. There are some clients that you will be able to stomach it from, but there comes a time when you cannot take it anymore, and truth be told I am nearing that point myself. If I have to respond to another “say hello to mommy and daddy”.. smh. lol

    • Joy

      October 12, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      Please don’t lose your patience, pray to God for wisdom in that situation. You have to be careful if you really like your job. In this case, you can’t be direct because you don’t know the importance of each customer or client to the company and wouldn’t want them to tell your boss that you were rude to them and trust me, he will take sides. The reasons many companies exist today and can pay their staff is because clients bring in money. I see that you are a good member of staff who really wants to do well but remember the fact that your boss can like you so much yet dismiss you not because you are not doing your job properly but simply because he can’t afford to keep a staff anymore. That happened to someone I know. Her boss told me that he didn’t like the way she ate food in the office and kept thrash till the next day. He wanted only paper in office thrash so it does not smell. When I got to the root of the matter, the most important reason was because market had become too slow and he could not afford to pay her anymore. As a man of integrity instead of owing salaries, he chose to release her nicely.

  26. Joy

    October 12, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    Sorry, I meant to write ‘reason’ not ‘reasons’ on the 5th line. Thank you.

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