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Anike Afolabi: 3 Effective Ways to Validate Your Kids



Have you ever been around someone who fishes around for compliments? They just desperately seek approval and commendation. And, it could get really unnerving when they go to any length to get this approval- gossiping, backstabbing, betrayals, etc.

I’m certain no parent wants to raise kids who will grow up to become approval seeking addicts. Yet, if we fail to properly validate our kids, we just might be setting them up for approval addiction.

So, how do we validate our children?

Love your children (unconditionally)
Our love as a parent is not a reward; it should be a constant part of our children’s lives. This is not to say we should not discipline children when they err. We should discipline them of course, but discipline can be done in love. Don’t isolate love from discipline. Love should not be given as a reward for good behavior. Love them for who they are, not what they do.

Look for the good
Be on the lookout for the good to celebrate in your children. Be as quick to spot the good they do, as you are to spot the wrong they do. Do not let them become desperate to show you how good they are before you compliment them. They don’t have to work so hard to get you to notice the good they do.

Be willing to observe your children and learn the things that validate them. Children’s personalities differ, so do the things that validate them. It could be words, attention, gifts, e.t.c. Know what validates and boosts your child’s esteem and give attention to this.

It is our duty as parents to fortify our children’s self-worth, so that they don’t spend their lives seeking validation in all the wrong places for the wrong reasons.

Let’s show them how valuable and significant they are.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Goldenkb

Bukola Afolabi is a parenting enthusiast, who desire to enrich parenting by partnering with parents to raise solutions, children grounded in the knowledge of who they are and the awesome possibilities in them. She founded 2nurture, a fast growing platform for sharing enriching information with parents via and other social media platforms. 2nurture also produces various parenting and childhood enriching resources. You can follow 2nurture on Twitter- @grace2nurture and on Instagram- @2nurture


  1. A Loco Viva Voce

    November 23, 2015 at 9:56 am

    Hmmm.. I doubt this article was written for the realy stubborn almost devil advocate children we have these days. Even unconditional love doesn’t make it any better. They certainly need rigid and hardcore discipline. Even that too sometimes doesn’t work then I guess prayer is the ultimate key.

    • Nicez

      November 23, 2015 at 10:58 am

      Love is greatest of all, it will make you pray for a stubborn kid, discipline them, be patient with them. In short true love means you will never give up on them. May God help us to raise our children in the right way and in love.

  2. Nicez

    November 23, 2015 at 10:58 am

    I gained a lot from this write up, thank you.

  3. Amadeoha

    November 23, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    Every thing still boil down to happiness in marriage, or can u give what u don’t have? When ur marriage is full of disrespect and unfaithfulness , hatred and malice how can u now give ur child unconditional love, when u lack and desperately in need of one your self. Couples should sit down and turn from their wicked ways just for the sake of these innocent children and make love reign in their homes at the expense of their ego, unholy sexual desires and hatred.

  4. FAD

    November 23, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    Men stop being rude to ur in – laws simply bcos u ve little cash(wealth) , didn’t God say respect your parent and any other older person, that is d most reason u guys die early in life and struggle after making it 4 a while to retain d wealth u make. Men stop disrespecting your wives , cheating to her face is a form of telling her she is worthless & asking her what can she do, as u are the alfa & omega. insulting her in d present of the kids or in public is laying d foundation to destroy her self esteem . lastly, not investing in her future is a sign that u are a failure in waiting. Any man that refused to invest in there wife’s or children’s future is a failure in making no matter how rich u are presently. Husband don’t be selfish.

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