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Aunty Bella: Miss. Did He Propose Too Soon?

BellaNaija.com

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dreamstime_s_30507647Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

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Dear Aunty Bella,

Hi BellaNaija. I and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for two years and some months. A year of it was long distance and two months after I came back to Nigeria, he proposed. I’m a believer in dating someone for maybe 3-4 years before you decide to fully commit so you can really know the person in and out.

My boyfriend is not the type to cheat but has major anger issues – he can be petty, unforgiving and vindictive. We have done our traditional wedding and it’s about two months to the white.

I’m worried that I entered this relationship too soon because I haven’t even entered the marriage and I am scared of going in. All I do is cry and pray. Most of the time, he is so disrespectful and all I do is walk on eggshells so there is peace.

We have already been to counseling (both church and social) and it still remains the same. Please what do I do?

I need real advice, please no insults.

Photo CreditAndreypopov | Dreamstime.com

80 Comments

  1. 24

    November 22, 2015 at 6:02 pm

    LEAVE! !!!!! Forever is too long to be unhappy. Run!!!! Flee!

  2. Anon

    November 22, 2015 at 6:05 pm

    “We have done our traditional wedding.”
    “I’m worried that I entered this relationship too soon because I haven’t even entered the marriage.”
    You contradicted yourself.
    In Igboland, once you have done your traditional wedding, you are married. I don’t know what part of Nigeria you are from. Except you mean you have done an engagement and you are calling it traditional marriage. Please clarify.

    Call him, sit him down and tell him what he does that you don’t like. Bridle your tongue and be guided with the type of tone of voice you use and how you come across. Be very polite when talking to him. Let him know that those things are making you fearful of the future and you need to see a change in him for peace to reign. Likewise, If he tells you things that you do that he doesn’t like, promise to make amends. Both of you should come to a consensus that those things that are causing angst in the marriage will end. Communication is key. Good luck.

    • Ross

      November 22, 2015 at 7:01 pm

      Oniranu. First of all did she tell you she is dating a child or a man??? Which full grown man do you have to ‘sit and talk to’ over anger issues? Shut up and don’t offer advice instead of advising someone in need of help to stay in a relationship where she will soon be killed.
      Second of all, even traditional marriage in igbo land can be annulled immediately if they haven’t done church. My friend just left her man and since her father never collected daury on her head, there was no long talk. Just ‘my daughter doesn’t want your son again, bye bye’!!!

      Homegirl questioner, for you to ask strangers, I believe you already know what to do. All you need is strength. If you marry this man, he will beat you when you are pregnant and will one day kill you with his fists. Anger issues have their root in unresolved childhood trauma.
      YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. LEAVE!!!

    • Anon

      November 22, 2015 at 10:48 pm

      It takes one to know one, babanla oniranu. You can’t be married if not you will know there’s a lot of sitting down and talking things over in marriage. You are a baby and marriage isn’t for babies like you.

      Now you shut up and take a nap, eejit.

    • Surely

      November 23, 2015 at 3:39 am

      Marriage isn’t for babies yet most of the men you guys love calling your husbands are babies… Double standard much?

    • Ross

      November 23, 2015 at 11:18 am

      Being married 6 years darling. You can ‘sit down’ and talk about him being late home, you can sit down and talk about him being messy. You can even sit down and talk about his moms bad behaviour, but NOT anger issues. People (especially men with more physical strength) should sort out anger issues by themselves. It cannot be handled in a relationship where you take it out on the woman. It always progresses to physical abuse. ALWAYS.. Your viewpoint tells me you must be in a failing or failed relationship. Mu-square!!!

    • Femfem

      November 23, 2015 at 6:10 pm

      Ross I love you. Poster I beg of you. Leave this man alone. Somebody that’ you have not married, you are already walking on eggshells around him. He is vindictive and petty?. Honey do you like suffering?. Please dust your shoes and run away fast. The bone of your bone is out there. Do not fall into this trap

  3. Ayo

    November 22, 2015 at 6:05 pm

    Dont marry him!

    • Californiabawlar

      November 23, 2015 at 1:47 am

      It’s that simple I tell you. You think it’s complicated? Even if you have belle, don’t marry him.

      I think stories of other survivors of emotional abuse will work best to encourage you to leave.
      My sister’s best friend was in the same situation. It was 3months to the wedding. They had a disagreement over who was going to bake the wedding cake. Yup! He was that petty! He insulted her nonstop on a road trip from Austin to San Antonio (like an hour drive, i think). By the time they reached their destination, (his parents house) their hosts were asking if someone had died. That’s how red she had turned (yellow girl problems).
      Anyways long story short she finally decided to break it off. I’ll tell you the truth, I was younger then, and was thinking, hmmn, this sister would find another husband so? She’s already 32. Boy o boy! Was I wrong! I saw her and her husband 3years ago and I swear he’s the nicest human being I’ve ever met.
      Glory to God, she now has a son. But before that, she sadly suffered 3 or so miscarriages. These things are really hard on a woman and her husband was with her every step of the way. He took care of her physically, emotionally and spiritually. Now imagine if she had stayed with craze man? Imagine the double horror of having infertility issues and miscarriages with someone who already believes you can’t do anything right?! She may actually be dead today.

      My dear, think about it. The main point of being married is to have companionship (children can come one way or the other). Of what use is the partner whose company you don’t enjoy? This man you’re with is a mirage. The real deal will come right after.

      P.s. On the technical side of things, no matter how we dress it, traditional marriage is not that deep….just return his yam and goats….shikena, lol. You don’t even officially have to go around telling folks you’re a divorcee, so wetin? Please do this thing sharp sharp, dust your mini skirt, adjust your makeup, and find another man. Great part is that now you know what to avoid! Kisses my dear???

    • Fabulous B

      November 23, 2015 at 10:16 am

      My Dear, thanks for sharing. I hope she reads this and learn from it. I think age is not really on her side, that’s why she sounds this way. Naija people can pressure like marriage is a link to Heaven. LOL

    • Que

      November 23, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      Lovely advice even I could use, sans the take on trad marriage….will leave that for another day so we dont detract from the overall point and issue.

      Cheers.

  4. Blueberry

    November 22, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    The white wedding is at the door, and this is when you are asking yourself these questions?! Common now! This is your life . Two months is not too late to postpone the wedding to a later date/year, pray, and have a rethink. This is marriage dear, not a game. If you are walking on eggshells now, then you sure will be walking on your grave tomorrow. Press pause.

  5. Usuji

    November 22, 2015 at 6:14 pm

    For you to be asking this question I think you already know in your heart what you should do ,remember marriage doesn’t make them change,, marriage is not something you go into if you are having second thoughts. .i know you are under pressure ,but we are talking about the rest of your life here. Please Talk to someone ,maybe your mum or friend .may God help you make the right choice.better to be safe than sorry.

  6. Soaree

    November 22, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    I dated exactly that kind of human being. He picked on every little thing. I lost my self esteem. I blamed myself everytime we quarelled, I suffered serious verbal and emotional abuse. I would cry and my eyes would beg me to stop. The aches,the agony,the things he told me……
    We had done introduction and fixed our wedding. But the day i finally opened up to my family(my mum caught me crying),my dad simply told me ‘if he treats u like this now it won’t get better after marriage’ I summoned courage and called everything off.
    Please dear writer, don’t make a decision you will regret eternally. Your peace and sanity is important. Marriage should be enjoyed not endured

    • Fabulous B

      November 23, 2015 at 10:08 am

      Your parents are the coolest. GOD bless them. I love them

  7. mma

    November 22, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    My dear , 3-4 years is not enough to truly know a person.. Heck! you cannot truly know a person. Personally, i will not put myself in a situation where there are certain behavioural aspects that bother me about a person… and no, it does not get better when you start having children. You have to want marriage. same with your ‘fiance’, otherwise, you’re wasting your time. Marriage isn’t a jar of bubble gums my dear!

  8. Sexy

    November 22, 2015 at 6:27 pm

    You are not married and you are already walking on eggshells, crying and praying. Please save yourself while you can.

  9. Banke

    November 22, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    Oh wow! Please break it off! I say so because of your not being at peace. It’s a major sign from God. When you find the one, you’ll be completely at ease. Usually, you cannot wait to begin life with that person.

    Please call it off, so you don’t have to do so later.

    His flaws too. No one is perfect but I believe, one of the things one must look out for in a partner is if one can deal with their flaws. If you know that you can’t, then you have no reason being with them.

    This marriage of a thing sha. May God help us choose and most importantly help us listen to him when he’s speaking to us.

  10. Meeeee

    November 22, 2015 at 6:52 pm

    Your happiness is in your hands….if I were you in will run…in my own case he proposed once I got pregnant after which in 6 weeks he transformed to a beast…I’m not proud of it but I had an abortion and I left him…I don’t regret leaving him. It’s been 3 years and I think I’m almost finally ready to try dating with the intention to get married. That man would have killed me.

    • Banke

      November 22, 2015 at 7:24 pm

      Well done! Good riddance to bad rubbish!

  11. gucc

    November 22, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    Two words! Pre-wedding depression. Happens to a lot of brides. You will be fine. My dear, people are gonna give you all sorts of advice but your best advice lies within your heart. If you have the conviction that it will be well, go for it. But if not, sit him down and express your fears to him. Tell him you are having cold feet and you guys will certainly find a way to sort it out. Prayers are also needed at this time. All the best!

    • jide

      November 22, 2015 at 7:08 pm

      I like how you brazenly ignored the part about “anger issues”

    • Californiabawlar

      November 22, 2015 at 8:37 pm

      Haaaa!! Uncle you can lie!!!
      Dear poster. Please don’t marry him. Simple.

    • Zsa zsa

      November 22, 2015 at 11:06 pm

      Pre wedding depression??? Never heard of that one but sounds nothing like cold feet.

      He has anger issues and is disrespectful, thats all you need honey, LEAVE!

    • B

      November 23, 2015 at 6:23 am

      Thunder fire somebody! Better watch yourself.

    • Me

      November 23, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      Mr or Mrs gucc! I pity you

    • Bukky

      November 23, 2015 at 9:01 pm

      Gucc, it is people like you that victim blame. Someone will say, oh he beat me, and people like you will ask; “You too what did you do that made him beat you?” Olrun maje, as my yoruba elders like to say, ‘Ogun a wi tele, kin kpa aro.” that is to say, a foreannounced war does not kill a cripple, because why? he heed the warning and got with the stepping.

      Writer, pray and ask God to give you the courage to speak up, move on and send you the man that will give your heart rest, not the run that will set it racing like Usain Bolt.

  12. bimpe

    November 22, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    please dont marry him. i know right now your thinking about the embarrassment and what people will say but this is your life!! i lost a friend of mine recently. obviously her husband killed her, i dont know the full story but she was like you (the same situation), her friends including me told her to call off the wedding but she was too scared.. her husband was a bully, petty and his anger was another level. but where is my friend today? but the useless man is already dating a lady that was once my friend!! dont even think about him or anyone think about you, about how you deserve to be with someone you can truly be happy with. love in itself is true, pure, kind, deserving, forgiving. why on earth would you ruin your life all because you dated him for what? and because youve done traditional wedding and about to do your white wedding! just call it off. do not listen to anyone, not even your parents after all it is only the wearer that knows where the shoe pinches. if i had to go back i would have done everything to help my friend but because i didnt want to intrude and all so i had to stop pressuring her to leave the marriage but where is she today? it’s too late!! SHE IS DEAD!! everyday i keep blaming myself cause i knew i could have helped her. your husband is going to get worse that was the issue with my friends hubby, with marital issues he became a monster!! just walk away, please i beg you!!!
    i dont know you but if i can share this and help you see reasons maybe youll save your self an early death both emotionally, spiritually etc… (God forbid). his not worth it please im pleading walk away!! show your mum this, tell her to read this especially the part i said my friend is DEAD!

  13. jessy

    November 22, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    Postpone the wedding fist then have the talk. If you see a change then you guys can fix a date. Give it time before you tie the knot cos once you do going back becomes even more difficult. Talk to your mum. After marriage those issues you pointed out will worsen because marriage comes with it’s owe pressures and stress.

  14. Iya

    November 22, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    Hm…Girl…I don’t know about anyone else but this is what I would do – I would wait. Lack of peace and doubt usually means ‘don’t do it’ or ‘wait a bit’. We can pray and pray until Jericho’s walls come crashing down but sometimes the answers to our prayers lies in using our inbuilt common sense and intuition. Court for a little while longer and then make your final decision from what you see and experience. Your man may not necessarily be a bad person but like every human being he has character flaws. One of my policies in life especially when it comes to marriage is this – nobody is flawless but can I deal with this person’s worst behavior UNTIL THE DAY I DIE?? In other words, can you deal with the disrespect and his vindictive nature? If yes, carry right on. If the answer is ‘No’ then you know what to do. Don’t depend and hope on him changing to make your decision. You both have spoken to counselors etc about it and it’s still the same….girrrrlll…smh. Before marriage you’re living in fear and the general consensus is that it gets worse after marriage. I don’t believe anything is worth your joy and peace. Nothing at all. I wish you all the best.

  15. Ibukun

    November 22, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    And the other aunty bella had a babe complaining that her bf of 11months had nt proposed or talked abt marriage nd u after just 2yrs of dating got the ring. Person wey get head no get cap, person wey get cap no get head.

  16. PRE-WEDDING GINI?

    November 22, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    Who ever you are, YOU ARE EVIL!!! KIKIKIKIKIKI…CHOI!

  17. PRE-WEDDING GINI?

    November 22, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    This is to @GUCC O!

  18. lorenz

    November 22, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    Not many people are absolutely certain that who they want to get married to is “the one”. Which brings us back to the question: Is there anything such as “the one”? Personally, I think anyone could be the one. Only marry someone who makes you feel at peace. Are you at peace? Love matters; but after sometime the butterflies in your tummy don’t buzz as much any more. Its the compatibility that strengthens it.

    Its obvious you and this guy are not compatible; or maybe he’s just going though stuff. If you think the latter is the case, find one of his very rare good moods and talk to him. If he still doesn’t change, then he just might be suffering from a deep seated form of inferiority complex. Its this sort of inferiority complex that breeds bitterness which in turn results in anger.

    Does he treat other people the way he treats you. Is he as disrespectful to other people? If his shitty attitude is unique to you alone, don’t marry him, because if you marry him he will punish you eh!

  19. Exotique

    November 22, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    Peace is key. and it really looks like you don’t have that. Take some time off and do a soul search. Ask yourself what you really want/need/expect in marriage. And be ready to act on the truth. The decision you make now determines your very life from now on. And no, you can’t change him. What you accept now is what you are going to get.
    I know people who have quit relationships after having done traditional marriage rites. It isn’t easy, but could be the best decision you ever made.
    All the best dear. And please pray.

  20. bimpe again!!

    November 22, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    pretending to be someone else in order to get what he wants!!!
    you guys dont understand men, when you see and smell a red flag you RUN! especially in your case.. RUN! people pretend to be someone else in order to get what they want. my dear Friend please RUN away from what you call love but i call it an early grave!!!
    you have giving him all the time to change when u guys were dating.. so if you decide to hold on for a while and see if theres any change what guarantee do you have he wont go back to his old self or worse still become even worse! i wish i could write down all my friend went through all because of marriage, love etc… thats absolutely NONSENSE!! you see the red flags but yet your confuse.. may God give women wisdom to choose men that are genuinely after Gods heart cause every other thing doesnt cut it! A man who genuinely loves God will never be those three things who described your husband to be thats if you dont call it off!!
    i pray and hope you call if off.. i dont care if your going to disappointment the whole universe or maybe youve invited the first lady… JUST CALL IF OFF!!! because few years or months from now youll be glad that you did so and God who is forgiving and merciful will give you a man that would treat you like the woman you are!!

    the reason why im writing twice is im concern!! im speaking from my friends experience who is dead!!

  21. Pam

    November 22, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    One word- Run! Run for your dear life!! He is showing you his true colours and if you don’t like them now, a life of misery awaits you, as you will soon discoveir if you go ahead.
    Guys, don’t blame her for not crying out earlier.,. People differ and it takes some of us more time to wake up & smell the coffee.
    I found myself in a similar situation with a similar man… Everyone thought he was a nice guy but i soon noticed he was rude and disrespectfull to waiters, workmen, etc, He didnt start disrespecting and abusing me till the wedding got close. I cried secretly and tried not to get into quarells with him when he scorned my attempts at dialogue on the matter. I started wishing the wedding away. When i finally summoned the courage to call it off, he made a big show of apologising and promised to change, even before God. No one would support me… I was told it was jitters. I am divorced now . I spent 3 hellish years discovering how right my instincts had been.
    Your peace of mind is gold, dear. You won’t learn this till its gone. Domestic Violence can be overt or covert. You have a chance to write your own story now…
    The traditional marriage is very simple to reverse…but not so the church.
    Trust your instincts. They are always right. Its God’s way of showing you his will for you.

    • DD

      November 23, 2015 at 10:43 am

      Difference between you and i was that when the wedding got close i had to call it off, cos his mum, his relatives started showing their true colors.. i was miserable ,sad, depressed, everyone was thinking i was crazy for even thinking of wanting to change my mind at that time.. like why allow both families get to few months to the wedding.. But really i had to pray, fast about it and i still felt the same.. i called it off and today i’m happier. Sometimes we have to look out for ourselves , cos marriage is not to be managed, endured but to enjoyed..

  22. deedee

    November 22, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    I just had to leave this comment b4 reading .This ring is everywhere …front , .left, right and centre …..means it’s probably cheap..

  23. Been there

    November 22, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    Disrespectful and vindictive? Sounds like someone I know………….my ex husband. My dear if you have doubts and a disquiet in your spirit, please for your own sake, do not go into this marriage. It will get worse and you will be driven to the point of depression. Always trust your instincts. A leopard does not change it’s spots. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. Think about it.

  24. DD

    November 22, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    “All I do is cry and pray. Most of the time, he is so disrespectful and all I do is walk on eggshells so there is peace.” My sister, this says it all. He is being emotionally abusive and you are already bending over backwards, suppressing yourself so that it doesn’t get worse. If this is the case now, even after counselling, please know that it will NOT magically get better after the white wedding. He will continue to disrespect you and you deserve so much better! Please don’t go ahead with it. Talk to your parents and tell them your decision. Stand firm – it won’t be easy, people will certainly try to talk you out of it, but you can do it. It’s your life and you’ve seen the red flags. You have the power to change the situation now so that you don’t walk straight into the trap of an abusive marriage. As others have said, the traditional marriage can be reversed and the dowry returned – I know people who have done it for reasons similar to yours, and they are so glad they walked away. Nothing is worth your life and peace and mind. All the best.

  25. emmy

    November 22, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    Hello, so Il speak from my experience. Met my husband in 2010. Started dating in 2011/2012. Got engaged in 2013,had trad in 2013. He has anger issues. Am very emotional but confident. Like u, i cried&prayed. One day after our marriage class,i had a talk with him and expressed how sad i was. Got better but didn’t change. Infact it got bad after the trad day i almost called off the wedding. He pleaded&we got married. For the most part of my pregnancy, we would have issues esp weekends,i will cry and pray. Infact u don’t want to know my experience after birth or when my mum came for omugo. I know exactly what u mean by walking on egg shells. But this is why i married him, he genuinely wants his marriage to work, he is a good man who loves me. I look at his bad and his good,and i know i have a good man. So i prayed and still pray that God makes us both better people in this marriage and honestly we have grown and life is so much better cos we communicated. We still have issues like married ppl,but some days r good, some days not as quite but i know my marriage was ordained. My dear, only u know the answer. What ever u decide, there will be consequences, weigh all options&consequences……which can you live with. The consequences will differ. One may be forever the other temp. But there will be consequences.

    • Californiabawlar

      November 23, 2015 at 2:05 am

      So after all is said and done, if you had the opportunity to go back and do it again, knowing you would meet someone who isn’t emotionally abusive, who loves and fears the Lord, who wants to be married and SHOWS it through his actions….please tell me if you would still marry your current husband?

      I’d hate to cast aspersions, you’ve decided to stay and bless your heart, I pray it all works out. But please advice this lady in question as if it was you or your sister….be selfless here. I know you say your marriage is ordained, me thinks you kinda have to believe that in order to keep moving. Otherwise, how can you justify such a predicament. I can say this because I’ve heard all these before, from my own blood sister. It’s like some weird strain of Stolckhome’s syndrome. This lady here is yet to put a seal on her faith, please be kind enough to give her good advice. Thank you.

      My apologies if I was rude in any way. Hugs and kisses.

    • emmy

      November 23, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      Yes i would. He is a lot better than the man who has,no anger issues but sleeps around and has planted HIV in his wife. My point is i weighed all options&so far,i,would marry him again,COs no one is perfect. Ill never advice anyone to leave a rshp cOs she has to take responsibility for her decision.

  26. Dee

    November 22, 2015 at 9:11 pm

    Madam, unforgiving, vindictive and anger issues????? Don’t go ahead! A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage

  27. zee

    November 22, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    My dear,I have been married for almost 3years and I’m married to a man with those qualities you mentioned.it was a long distance relationship and wen I look back I discover that I really didn’t know him till we got married. Dou it has never gotten violent or physical but the emotional trauma is something else. My advice for you is to walk away now bfr the ‘i do’s ‘. I’m still in this marriage because it has not gotten violent and hopefully it won’t and for my son. Its true no one is perfect but you have to find someone you can easily cope with his flaws.

  28. Lagos Belle

    November 22, 2015 at 10:40 pm

    Darling, this may be one of the hardest decisions you’ll have to make and I’ll advise you to leave. There’s nothing like being at peace. When you’re in a dating relationship, not even talking about a marriage, you need a partner you can be yourself with and not someone that you’ll have to watch yourself when he’s present.

    He’s meant to be your rock (and vice versa), unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be the case.
    My dear, it’s not too late to kiss this energy sapping relationship goodbye.

    P.S. People will definitely talk but are they going to be in the marriage with you???

  29. Uju

    November 22, 2015 at 10:50 pm

    Run away now!
    I don’t want to read about another death from domestic violence

  30. GeeGee

    November 22, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    The fact that you even have to ask these questions and feel this insecure about this relationship is already enough reason to leave. Forever is too long to be walking on eggshells. You should be able to be yourself in a relationship not tip toeing around it for any reason. Good luck with whatever you decide.

  31. bee

    November 22, 2015 at 10:55 pm

    The Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear. You shouldn’t feel afraid of the one you love.

  32. bee

    November 22, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    If you’re afraid, then you know what you have to do.

  33. precious

    November 22, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    My dear, I advise that you call ur man and tell him ur fears. I kinda understand where u are coming from, my Trad and white wedding have been scheduled for this December 2015 But I cancelled it cos after quarrelling with my fiance over his trust and anger issues he still won’t change, after calling off the wedding, my Bros is changing by force cos he sees sees that precious mean business. Even with him changing those attitude I’m not jumping back into his arms. My counsel is that you talk to your fiance let him realise how much his attitude is Affecting u, u still have 2 months, observe him for a month, if you find him working on himself to be better the you can go ahead, if not, cancel the wedding sharply. You deserve the best

    • Tosin

      November 23, 2015 at 10:00 am

      seconded.

  34. Myadvicr

    November 22, 2015 at 11:09 pm

    My dear from my own experience I would advice u to run since u haven’t done this. Please do this for me cos that’s the mistake I made when I saw exactly d traits my husband has. He will eventually beat u my dear. Yes, they ll preach they can’t touch a woman but later u ll see everything being displayed in real life.

  35. Advice

    November 22, 2015 at 11:26 pm

    U r a lucky girl in that u still have a choice. It’s not too late. D fact that u haven’t stayed together well enough and u r seeing this traits. Pls I beg u, don’t make the same mistake I did let this go. U ll b thankful later. Men r animals. Let this go

  36. Puzzles

    November 23, 2015 at 12:03 am

    Long Distance Relationship again? This is why i’m not comfortable with it. You don’t get to know the real person until it’s seemingly too late.

    My dear, run o. Marriage is a long time o.

  37. Shannie

    November 23, 2015 at 2:20 am

    Get as far away from this man as possible.

    You do not want a life of misery. Trying to pray away his wickedness will not help. It is not your job to change a man. You cannot fix someone who is broken. People have to fix themselves.

    Do not sleep on this matter and put your life in jeopardy. Speak to your family and cancel this wedding. Even if you have absolutely no one on your side, cancel it because if you do not, you are the one who will regret going through it.

  38. nna

    November 23, 2015 at 3:49 am

    Sister,you don’t manage marriage. Step away and you’ll not regret it. The next thing he will turn you into a punching bag. One advice Flee!!!. And don’t listen to what people will say. You know why?,because after a few weeks,it becomes stale news .

  39. Itofa

    November 23, 2015 at 6:52 am

    One word for this girl ‘RUN’

    • Tosin

      November 23, 2015 at 9:59 am

      Why are people always saying RUN! Awon fitfam. 😀

    • Californiabawlar

      November 23, 2015 at 5:20 pm

      hahahaha!! you no well!!!

  40. And you all wil marry him

    November 23, 2015 at 8:57 am

    Irony of life!

    All those saying run and dont marry him, would have gone ahead to marry him if they were the one!

    • gucc

      November 23, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      GBAM!!!! Tell them

    • Ready

      November 24, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      And you know this how?
      You’re a lie detector? You can use typed words to analyze feelings? Your screen has extra powers? This is not a post for you to talk about haters or jealous people or whatever. Just advise the girl or be quiet.

      Poster, anger and pettiness probably exist in everyone to a level. But where it lacks all humor and makes you cry; where you can’t be yourself otherwise you’ll lack peace, please let it go.

  41. Fabulous B

    November 23, 2015 at 9:25 am

    I didn’t even bother to check other comments, just zoomed down to tell you like it is girlfriend (LOL in my mind you’re). Leave it’s sorry ass alone. When it comes to relationship (leading to marriage) , I don’t take it likely; it’s too serious to le every little things go scot-free. Forget the side talks that will come after ending it now. That’s a potential abusive marriage. You see red-flags already and you know what to do, dear. You just want to hear from people. Here it is o. Go ahead.

  42. Tosin

    November 23, 2015 at 9:58 am

    “Did he propose too soon?” God said he’s tired, everything complain.
    “He has anger issues” Return the ring. Tell him he has anger issues. See if you survive the rage.

  43. Tosin

    November 23, 2015 at 10:09 am

    i even intercepted the kisses. one. 😉

    • Tosin

      November 23, 2015 at 10:10 am

      this bella comment thing be making ppl seem psycho, not putting the reply comments under their comments. The kiss one was for californiabawlar, beneath her kisses. obviously.

  44. Dorobabes

    November 23, 2015 at 11:57 am

    My dear run for your life, that man is an emotional abuser and he will not stop there after marriage!! Forget the years that you have spent with him already, in the end you will be happier you left. i dated an abuser of a man for 5 years, i almost lost my life from emotional and physical abuse, i couldn’t leave because of shame (i was living with him all 5 years and a lot of people thought we are married, plus age was not on my side). Fast forward 2 years later, i am getting married to the most wonderful man in the world at the age of 38!!! My dear it is never too late ooo

  45. Ndidi

    November 23, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    If you’re too scared to leave all at once, then tell him some story, bad dream, strangers warning, etc, whatever… Bottom line is that u have to postpone the wedding, that would buy you time to travel and not come back until the whole thing fades away,

  46. Omo

    November 23, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    I have been married for 4 years plus now. And the truth is no one is perfect and we’ve all got issues. Initially, my hubby also had anger issues…and we also had a long distance relationship for a year and a half before he relocated to my end and we got married 6 months after. BUT I was not afraid of getting married to him; I had this inner peace about him (praying and fasting) . Now I said my hubby HAD anger issues because I thought he did but I found out during the first years of our marriage that I was the one not listening to him and our communication was pretty poor. And this was what we built on for the first two years of our marriage (communication, compromising and sacrificing for each other). My dear, its good you are going for counselling BUT you need to sit down with him and have a good conversation by telling him your concerns because not even counselling can do that for you.

    I’m worried that you are scared of going into the marriage….I think you just don’t love him enough to marry him (just my thought; I might be wrong).
    I’m not here to judge you but please don’t go into the marriage with speaking to your husband to be and your mum above all prayer never fails. I pray God leads you and that you will make the right decision because Marriage is no joke, you just have to be happy!

    • gucc

      November 23, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      Thanks for your honest response and I pray God gives you peace, sweetness and love in your marriage. The thing is a lot of times, we women are the problem and we are not even aware of it. This lady could have some serious bad characters that affects the man and she’s the one complaining #nooffence but in examining others, we need to first examine ourselves. Someone I know met a guy and they did intro and started planning their wedding, guy was open about how much he had but girl wanted society wedding, d babe didn’t take it lightly o. Today, they are broken up and tomorrow she will say the guy did me. Biko, what did the guy do?
      Back to the issue, dear poster before you call off the wedding, please make sure the fault isn’t actually from you. Thank you
      #ngwanubye

  47. Omo

    November 23, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    *I’m not here to judge you but please don’t go into the marriage WITHOUT speaking to your husband to be and your mum above all prayer never fails. I pray God leads you and that you will make the right decision because Marriage is no joke, you just have to be happy!

    • ara

      November 23, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Hmmmm….it’s women that kill fellow women! You think she doesn’t love him enough?????let me not talk the one wey go pass my mouth.ish!

  48. Dr.N

    November 23, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    Dead at return his yam and goats! lol.
    Dear poster, fear is not an emotion u enter marriage with

  49. Dee one

    November 24, 2015 at 2:14 am

    You already know what you want to do but you are scared and you just need validation…. My dear follow your heart and do the needful. Like CB said return his yam and goats and move on with your life. You even have an easy choice cos if you were already married in church you cant just wake up and decide to leave based on a hunch/intuition or traits you will need to have proof and that will mean him having to physically hit you and that one time he hits you, you may not come out alive or haven’t you read or heard of enough stories on domestic violence against women.
    My dear take a walk. If you have booked for your honeymoon have the hotel move the date closer, end things with him, take a trip and have a swell time and come back refreshed ready to take on life. YOLO

  50. funkie

    November 25, 2015 at 4:33 am

    Pls leave him bcos uncontrolled anger leads 2 abuse and wen dat tym comes it will b 2 late, nw u still av a choice. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

  51. Gift

    November 25, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    A well established marriage counselor once said to me; after your engagement or traditional wedding and you do not have inner peace, bow out! If you are walking on egg shells and have fear, you should pray about it first, then talk to him after which follow your heart and God will help you. All the best! Weigh your options carefully.
    See you in Happyville!

  52. ilamosi

    December 24, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Forever is a freaking longtime, u can’t be too careful around some one you intend to spend the rest of your life with… if at dis st you are getting paranoid den dats a sign that you should bow out.
    Life is too short to be unhappy so before u make dat decision, talk…. communication is key.. Goodluck

  53. Faithy. O

    December 25, 2015 at 8:05 pm

    Hmmmm! With all these stories about marital issues and all. I get really scared!

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