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Georgette Monnou: So You Want to Date in Lagos? Check Out 4 Tips to Follow

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Dating in Lagos is fundamentally difficult. No one is sure of each other’s intentions. Even if you decide to be pro-active and ask questions, the reply you will most likely get, is what the other person thinks you want to hear. In some cases even if they believe what they are saying to you without a shadow of a doubt, in a few weeks, or months… situation go make crayfish bend. People are people, human. Filled with volatile emotions, mood swings…we change our minds frequently, so you can never be too sure what someone might want or think they want soon after speaking to them. So here we are, in a state of hocus pocus, not really too sure who to trust, who to give your heart and time to. So how about I help by exposing a couple of open secrets…

In Lagos, broadly speaking, there are three sets of men:

The Non-Committers
These ones are smooth operators, expert at their craft. They know how to charm you, even if you have several barriers up. They know how to break each one down in one fell swoop with a few wise words, jokes, expertly crafted actions or reactions. Now don’t be fooled by this one ladies. There are so many of these guys out here, same guy, different packaging. Sooner or later they tend to expose themselves for who they truly are, so watch out! Shortly after you’ve spent time together, gotten emotionally invested, they might have even met your family, you’re probably wondering what’s next right? Wrong.

You already asked him what does he want or what is he looking for? They were asked and answered well enough a while ago, so you ask him the dreaded question – where is this heading? What does he see for the two of you? I’m sure his heartbeat quickens, he looks you in the eye, or says softly to you, ‘I just got out of a relationship, I’m not looking for anything serious right now…’ ‘I am emotionally unavailable,’ or ‘I have attachment issues…’ what exactly that means, I have no idea. You see ladies; Mr. Smooth Operator here had no interest in going the long haul. It doesn’t matter how you try to frame the situation, fact is fact, and ‘he isn’t readyyyy!’

So you pick yourself up, thank God for the experiences you shared together, try not to become a jilted or scorned ex-lover and move on with your life, like most Lagosians do. Just be careful next time. The key is not in what they say but in how they act, not just with you, but how they have treated ex-lovers, ex-girlfriends. It’s also important to watch out for omissions, they are also quite relevant in this tale of woe’s.

Mr. Sweet
These guys are sweet, charming in their own way, but don’t have the usual packaging we women are used to. They might not be the cutest; they might not be the best dressed, or speak with an acquired accent. They might not be as funny as we would like but they are true gentlemen in their own right, gentle and kind. These ones should never be overlooked. They are the guys that will ride and die for you; they will love you and treasure you eternally. However, being the women we are, we would rather go for the guy with the swag, the one that seems a little bit dangerous the one that gives us butterflies in our stomach, but that never lasts ladies, that never lasts…when will we learn? Depending on what floats your boat, you might be willing to go for Mr. Sweet, but don’t decide to go for him and then lust for another. However, in true Lagos fashion you might be tempted to do so, what the hell, ay!

The In-betweeners
These guys are the ones that have a bit of both: risqué yet stable. Not always the perfect balance but balanced enough to pique your interest. They are a little harder to find around town, seeing as they might be lost in commitment with another woman; one that probably doesn’t deserve them. A hardened Lagos babe that knows how to catch ‘am, hold ‘am as soon as she sets her beady eye on him. These guys are 100, so if you are lucky enough to meet one of them, enjoy the ride, take things slow but secure your investment. Because I am 100% sure that if you don’t know what to do with him, another woman will be more than happy to take your place.

So what to do now that you are aware?

There are four rules that have to be followed:

  • Stay true to yourself and your principles. Lagos is a treacherous place; people aren’t as forgiving or easily forget. One innocent slip up can ruin your reputation and in this State, it’s the women that suffer for it, not the men.
  • Never believe what he says to you – first time. Actions speak louder than words. Ensure that you look at how he acts and reacts. What does he do? What doesn’t he do? Omissions speak louder than words – trust!
  • Even then, his actions aren’t guaranteed to give you safe delivery into the land of perpetual bliss. Time is your best friend. The longer time passes, the harder it gets to put up a front. Slowly but surely you will win the race. He will mess up at some point – garra!
  • You need to be pro-active. Repeat after me, ‘I need to be pro-active’ – YES! In order to ensure you will get what you want in this crazy land of love, make sure you ask questions, and not just any question – the right ones, the tuff ones that might lead to awkward silence (s) if not answered properly. Because at the end of the day when you stand there with your heart in your hand, he’ll just as easily say, ‘but you never asked me,’ ‘I didn’t realise this was a problem,’ or ‘Oh, but I never said we were exclusive.’

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Jennifer Russell

Georgie is a Creative Enthusiast who spends a lot of her time involved in various creative projects. To see more of her work, check out her new blogisite – www.realtalkwithgeorgie.com Once you click on the link, you will join the league of stars that have exclusive access to Georgie through her articles, photos, poems and more.

21 Comments

  1. Teris

    November 6, 2015 at 10:38 am

    I’m sorry but this is just too simplistic and…. well contrary.
    3 “types” of guys, 4 rules to follow.
    how many types of chics? or do all chic “types” coalesce into one?

  2. Uju

    November 6, 2015 at 10:55 am

    Also do not fall for the scammers masquerading as potential boyfriends!!!!!

    And ask God to direct your steps and He will. X

  3. Erems

    November 6, 2015 at 10:58 am

    @bellanaija vocabulary.com/articles/chooseyourwords/peak-peek-pique/. thank you

    • Odididi

      November 6, 2015 at 7:04 pm

      Ur mind dey dere nne!

  4. Osaretin

    November 6, 2015 at 11:29 am

    I think I can add to this write up.

    Guys who dont wanna commit are looking perpetually for new ways and are devising new ideas to string ladies along. Because they know actions speak louder than words, they do the nicest things. They commit, they make an effort at the start, till they get what they want. They make ‘commit-less’, committing statements (that makes you think they are insinuating a long term/marriage relationship).

    E.g They could ask “What is your genotype?’ or “Greet mumsie and popsie for me, or “You cant live with your parents forever”. Things to lead your mind to think they are serious but without them actually committing

    They make insinuating statements, that will lead you to believe they wanna settle with u, but when the chips are down they will be able to confidently say that they never promised or even told you they wanted marriage etc. so ladies, shine ur eyes. dont go to bed with him is the only pillar that will support you if things do wrong. the worst feeling is that of being used and dumped. Dont think that becasue you are mature, the guy will not want to still use and dump.

    • linlin

      November 6, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      Babe, I beg u ever date one Tosin guy? U just fully described him verbatim . Na wa oooo

  5. Niola

    November 6, 2015 at 11:39 am

    So you want to date in Lagos is the topic, I think it should be better titled so you want to date men in Lagos, nothing for the guys?

  6. Ladylady

    November 6, 2015 at 11:39 am

    One of the toughest cities to date is Lagos, take it or leave it. It is tough out there. The deceit, misleading, infidelity, just name it.
    God help us and those of you who find good men, please treasure them cos they are almost extinct.
    Almost every guy has a side chick and you just never know if you are the side or main….One week you are main, the next you are side! what is going on??? 🙂

  7. abby

    November 6, 2015 at 11:57 am

    I caught something from this write up, ASK QUESTIONS! No matter how ‘odd’ or strange you think they sound ASK!.. Never assume anything.

  8. Eme

    November 6, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    The truth is there’s no hard and fast rule to pin-point the dude who’s for real and the dude who just wants to rump in the sheets so you have to take it on a situation basis. Don’t just assume this dude is so fake just because he seems too good to be true, because, trust me, the good ones are still out there. Same way you shouldn’t jump into conclusions when he’s not acting so great and assume, maybe this’ the one seeing as he’s not making an effort to be so sleek. It’s just be God’s grace because some dudes are so sleek that you wouldn’t even suspect a thing n the so called “in-between dude may even turn out to be the player. Yea, some dudes are that good and know not to over do being nice and all.

  9. Ladybird

    November 6, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    I think instead of scouting for potential boyfriends be friends with people with genuinely then naturally relationships will form..or????

    • Puzzles

      November 6, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      There’s also a danger in keeping guy friends. Some guys you become friends with just want the benefit of a close female companion without having to deal with commitments e.g. a lady to go and watch movies with becos they don’t want to go alone, etc.

      Also, let’s face it, the more time you spend with a guy even when you’re just friends, the greater the chances of being attracted to him. it’s painful when you eventually fall for a friend, even start assuming from his actions that he’s into you only to discover that he’s not.

      Some of them stick so close to you that other guys who are genuinely interested in you assume you’re in a relationship with them and don’t come close. you find out after the interested guy has moved on with another lady.

      Some will even tell lies about their relationship with you to others, even ruining your reputation. I once read a comment in BN about a girl who found out that a guy friend of hers was spreading that they had a sexual relationship.

      Just be careful of people you keep as close friends, guys and ladies.

  10. Rynyx

    November 6, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Abeg, when is part two coming out? for dating outside lagos.

  11. SOMAZ

    November 6, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    I should have written this article as it hits close to home. I was born and bred in Lagos. I went to my state for my Tertiary institution. I became of age then to date. I dated just one though but till tomorrow his the best thing that happened to me. Something very severe that we both couldn’t control came between us. As a young lady who came out tops in her department I didn’t really feel the loss( To me there were better guys out there). came back home after school and my dear people Lagos men has made it possible for me to see the back of my head.

    Is it the married but living single?
    The hot today cold tomorrow?
    The ‘A woman should take care of herself ‘
    The we haven’t had sex yet so we cant call it dating.

    Only dated two Lagos men though but I swear down its all suffering and smiling.
    Out of anger decided to be single till I was called a freelancer( The jerk told me at our first meeting that any Lagos girl who isn’t dating any one is a freelancer Oh Dear!)
    Scrutinized the guys I had friend zoned started dating the one who I thought was my best pick…Let me not bore you with that ones story….

    God help us.

  12. Tosin

    November 6, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    “PIQUE your interest”
    “time is YOUR best friend” – that was probably autocorrect tho.
    Interesting, mixed, cool, true…

  13. ejogene

    November 6, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Freelancer! what do you say about Abuja men! the laziest set of men!

  14. Chic

    November 6, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    They forgot to add “The GOLD DIGGERS” to the list….Gigolos looking for where the table has been prepared already. Living fake lives just to penetrate into your life & when they get in, they gradually give excuses and shift bills to you….*SMH

  15. Sisi

    November 6, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    Hmmmm issokay

  16. meee

    November 8, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    Sweets…..if lagos is bad then abuja is d WORST…d guys in Abuja are lazy….goldiggers…….desperate…….a bunch of liars……and FAKE!!!!…..
    So Abuja is d first on d list….With horrible guys. ….ciaos

  17. kiki

    November 10, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Maybe babes should just call this what it is. SEX BETWEEN TWO MUTUALLY AGREEING ADULTS. If something good comes out of it….fine. If not, then move on. Or better still…..CLOSE YOUR LAPS. Odironu that hard.

  18. b's queen

    December 10, 2015 at 2:02 am

    hmnnn. ..

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