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A BellaNaijarian Shares a Heartbreaking Story of Her Husband’s Infidelity

BellaNaija.com

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We hear so many horror stories of infidelity in marriages that breaks our heart. Love and trust add the spice of happiness to life. We share these stories, not to elicit public outrage that has no meaningful impact, but to sensitize people to the plight of members of our community. It is our utmost desire that people are more mindful of how their decisions may be hurting others. We also hope that, through shared experiences that we can reduce the number of sad stories and find more uplifting experiences in marriages.

Today’s story was posted in the comments section of an article by Girl Spice {Click here if you missed it}. The BellaNaijarian, whose moniker is “Bitterwife” shares the heartbreaking story of the her husband’s infidelity.

Our hearts go out to all members of our community who is going through difficult periods.

***

Finally got a place to pour my heart. I hope one day internet brings this up in one of my husband’s Google search; but by then, I would have left with the kids to somewhere far away from my pastor and mum marriage talks.

My husband is cheating on me and I know, and he knows I know –  but he didn’t understand why I kept quiet about it.

I got married to the love of my life. Nope, he never cheated on me during our relationship. He’s a blunt person who never hides anything he’s doing so I trust. Like I’m proud of him everywhere and I pray and fast for him. I give him my all.
He sent a cheating signal when I saw his chat with his EX on the third day after our wedding. He apologised and said he’s trying to lay all them girls off his back .
I’m vertified team snoop and I’ve been watching him since then but throughly nothing. He loves me and he’s never afraid to show it .

Second signal: one of his exes that we’ve talked about during courtship added him up on Facebook. Told the girl that I know her and she should back off my page. She reported to Hubby and my husband begged and apologised to me with several excuses. I believed him and continued my support.

The third and final chance, I gave him. He was asleep. I wasn’t even snooping on him, just charging my phone right next to him while browsing on my own o. A chat entered his phone with a guy’s name that says, “hello, my crown”. Ha, what is this?  I opened the chat and na one babe. I composed myself, replied her like my husband will do. This is 3 days to our first anniversary o. Hubby had booked a hotel for us and my gifts are on the way, this is a man I’m always holding up dinner for. I don’t eat till he comes because it’s our chat and play time. We’re  friends and we talk about anything and everything. I’m active sexually even after our twins birth *sorry i digressed*.

From the chats I engaged with the babe,  I saw that they are having a date the next day after close of work at the same hotel he booked for our anniversary. Hubby didn’t tell her he’s married and all sort of nonsense. I realized she and hubby meets anytime he travels to his hometown to check on our site. All this the girl told me after I told her I’m his wife. She did not even feel any remorse. She told me to go to hell and if I’m doing it right, my husband will not come to her. Hubby woke up and saw me with his phone and our chats. He cried and apologized and we even had sex; but right there I know I have moved on from him. The painful part is he denied me and his children. Who does that because of toto? Anyway, I moved on and now I know my husband is cheating like every other useless cheater out there.

Yep he’s useless too. Since then he has mastered the art of clearing his chats and all, but devil caught him and same ex that added and insulted me on Facebook chat came in while he was sleeping too. But she didn’t say anything when I replied. I guess hubby has given her code to know if he was the one or not.

I formed vex the next day and for a week we didn’t talk. I’m not angry with him again because in my mind, heart and soul. I don’t have anything for him again, I’m just living with him because I have to. When I couldn’t keep up with the silence, on a Saturday morning. We talked and I asked him his reasons for cheating. That son of a b*tch denied it and said I’m just insecure –  after all he has told me he has many bitter exes and they will definitely want to poison my mind . He told me to be happy he’s not bringing them home; because his friend does that and that he has never slept with any of them. He swore with his life that he just like chatting with them girls because he’s bored and there are things he can say to them but he can’t say to me because I’m his respected wife who he can’t be raw with. Can you imagine?

I cried that day, but I told myself that will be my last tears for that man. I withdraw all my support morally and spiritually . It’s 2 months now and I have never say a word of prayer for him. I laugh at his misfortune. I opened a fresh account and saved all my money there. I left little in the account he knows, stopped plans of being a stay-at-home mum, working hard, employed a nanny for my kids and work extra hours – saving so hard. I stopped buying things for the kids;  they are his children, and while we are still under his roof, he should provide for them. I don’t support anymore than cooking and buying foodstuff for the house. I’m always singing brokeness to him. I told him they slashed my salary and I don’t have anything again. I caught him checking my account balance on my phone one day. I have 100k, 5k, 1k in the 3 accounts respectively while I have 2 million saved somewhere.

These days his job is giving him issues and I’m always happy. If na before, I would have borrowed him money which he normally returns; but now, not doing that anymore. Let him go and meet the girlfriends he sends money to. I see different chats while we go to work but I ignore and I have never asked him.

I don’t call him again but I’m still the loving wife who gives him peace at home. I no longer get angry. Why should I? I’m going for my 5 years implant family planning this Saturday. I’ve been using female condom for him because I didn’t want to get pregnant and will continue to. I will never let him know I did family planning. Once I can save up to 5 million, and made him save enough for my twins, we will leave him and move far away from everyone.

I’m happy he’s broke now. He called me this morning, he needs 200k and he hasn’t even given me money for Christmas shopping. I’m happy all this is happening to him. Yes, I am.
You can all blame me, but I will never say a word of prayer for him anymore. He lost me the day he denied me and his children because of a girl.
Glad I did this. I will always come back to this post and make his my 3-year action plan.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Syda Productions 

191 Comments

  1. True Talk

    December 2, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    There’s pidgin english and there’s proper English. This is very very very poorly written.

    • Tt

      December 2, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      We are talking about a serious matter, you are talking about English. *rolling my eyes

    • Ada

      December 2, 2015 at 5:10 pm

      Abeg focus on the story. You aren’t the only one that saw the bad grammar but while the rest of us empathized, you pounced n the grammar. What is even wrong with you?

    • bii

      December 2, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      @truetalk your foolishness knows no bound. How did u even get here? Run along adults have a soul to console

    • chu-chu

      December 2, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      If you were a little compassionate, you would know that this is a woman who just wants to vent. she has no time to correct her errors. Look beyond the poor grammar and be nice. she is obviously hurting.

    • sisi

      December 2, 2015 at 5:37 pm

      You are actually talking about proper English when a woman is carrying a heavy burden like this. You need to be flogged.

    • californiabawlar

      December 2, 2015 at 5:53 pm

      Funny thing is she actually posted another comment apologizing for the way she wrote.

    • chi

      December 2, 2015 at 6:01 pm

      silly you !

    • ATL's finest

      December 2, 2015 at 6:10 pm

      Mtchew orangutan in human form. Madness no dey show for face. I read her comment via the first article & if it was copied & paste or if u actually read till the end, she mention too many typos -apologizes. Don’t come here & act like this is a real life issue. She’s going thru a lot & she can write in any type of form German, Efik, Yoruba, Igbo, Creeo, pidgin etc. If u don’t have anything to say, keep it moving.

    • Tory

      December 2, 2015 at 7:13 pm

      Can you shut-up pls, a woman’s life is in disarray and ur talking about English. Did any one force you to read, since you only read proper English. You cld have scrolled past. Now to d matter, if I say I know what men want, I’ll be lying. I’m not married yet, but all I know is prayer. I don’t carry man matter on my head, I don’t go looking into phone. Simple reason, I want a happy life. I am not created bcos of this man, so I can’t die bcos of him either. My mum needs me alive. My priority will be my kids. After Iv covered my marriage with d blood of Jesus. I will leave it to God. I refuse to go mental over a man. I have an aunt, since her hubby left her in d 80s she’s never been d same. Had so mental illnesses till she passed away. I refuse to become that over another human being.

    • Anonymous

      December 2, 2015 at 9:33 pm

      Do you have sense? I’m sure you don’t. Your daft comment is what cheap data causes.

    • ozybaby

      December 3, 2015 at 1:55 am

      Na de English dey worry you. U no see the gbosa wey this woman dey talk

    • NB

      December 3, 2015 at 10:10 am

      Poorly written or not, it’s the story that’s significant so drop the English teacher correctness for now.

    • True talk

      December 3, 2015 at 11:11 am

      she’s talking about serious issue and you are talking about grammar, na wa for you oh, you need Jesus.

  2. Proud of you

    December 2, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    I really am proud of how you handled this situation by coming up with a plan to protect and cater for you and your children. Continue to be a strong and smart woman. keep working hard and saving and doing your thing and being happy. Some human beings are very wicked and heartless but he can not and will not steal your shine! I don’t know if you ever plan on getting married again after you leave him. But I do hope God fulfils your heart desires. And THANK YOU for not sitting back and taking all this bullshit with that “men will be men” stupid mantra. If all women did this to cheating husbands, surely more men would have the fear of God and not cheat but because women continue to tolerate this BS we have to keep suffering for it. Thank you and stay strong !(This is not to say women do not cheat or all men cheat, any partner who cheats deserved to be dumped ASAP!)

    • Oye..

      December 2, 2015 at 9:02 pm

      You’re not telling her the right thing ma..

    • missanon

      December 3, 2015 at 8:06 am

      oh shut up! she should take it lying down abi? weak women we have in this country. Rubbish

    • heeba

      December 3, 2015 at 12:08 pm

      Mrs Oye ….what is the right thing? and I hope before you comment you have been in an experienced marriage before

    • Di

      December 3, 2015 at 5:53 pm

      I’m sure you are one of those folks who try to bound women in unhealthy unfulfilling marriages through religion, quote the bible but ignore the verse
      Matthew 19:9
      “And I say to you: whoever divorces, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Yes the bible supports divorce based on aldutery, I doubt God wants us to live out the rest of our lives bound in hallow sadness. He said respect His temple (your body), exposing it to AIDS and STDS don’t sound like respect.
      Hebrews 13:4
      “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” God dispises adultery, accepting it is not acting in “God’s image”.
      Proverbs 6:32
      He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.
      This is what Nigerian churches should be preaching sometimes instead of preaching submissiveness of wives and then turn about to sleep with female congregation.

    • Ross

      December 2, 2015 at 9:31 pm

      You couldn’t have said it better: ‘If all women did this to cheating husbands, surely more men would have the fear of God and not cheat”. Exactly. Because it is a woman love and prayers that keep her husband and home healthy. Once a woman doesn’t pray for her man, he is in trouble. If women would simply realise their worth, men will place us on the pedestal we deserve. But instead we allow them make us bitter and stay in horrible excuses for marriage, not understanding that our children are observing us and absorbing this horrible standard of living.
      Ol girl writer, more grease to your elbow jare. If you can, save 10mil. Its the same thing Id do if my man cheated. I’ll keep quiet, drain his accounts over 2 years and leave him, taking my children with me. Rubbish!

    • Tosin

      December 2, 2015 at 10:43 pm

      Try and put the children in boarding school sha. May be better for them. Some women don’t know how hard they are to live with. Some of the so-called cheating men, maybe because they actually get some when they need to, are way more fun for children to be around than the harried uptight constantly pissed-off though I guess well-meaning women. Please shag once in a while.

  3. Cindy

    December 2, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    *if you ask me, na who I go ask?*

    • Tt

      December 2, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      Please don’t bring that nairaland crap here. This lady obviously needs help / advice, if you have nothing sensible to add, you don’t have to comment.

    • Blah blah

      December 2, 2015 at 5:24 pm

      She does not need help or advice. She is telling us what she has done and plans to do. Is that a cry for help or advice? This reads more like a ‘learn from my story’ than a ‘please help me’.
      Anyway back to you auntie. I hate cheats and I pray I never date or marry a cheating man. But the chat you had with your husband’s ex – you said she gave you all those details after you revealed you are the wife. Ever stop to think that she was just trying to rile you up? Not excusing your husband o. Any man that still keeps in contact with his ex or anyone he has emotional attachments to is a douchebag. So your husband clearly has issues on that front. But what do we know, your mind is made up! As you like it!
      PS, I hope no one is ever empowered by people’s stories on social media. From my experience nothing is as it seems. Don’t wake up and leave your trifling husband cos someone else did. Do it for yourself after thinking it through thoroughly. If this Mrs goes back to her husband tomorrow, she won’t come back to write Part 2: Happy Ending.
      BTW, this article was so hard to read. I hate to be a comma fucker but mehn, sister, pay more attention to your grammar. BN please try and edit too na, Pity us small small.

  4. Osheeeey

    December 2, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Waaaaawuu!!!!!

    I wonder why these men forget that “Hell has no fury like the scorn of a woman”
    Good thing you chose to stay alive for your children and not develop a high blood pressure and die because of Man!! Way to go..
    In all of this, Forgive him, (which does not translate to love and trust him) so that you might find peace. Pray for him that he does not perish (Trust me your children need their father and they might blame you in the future if anything happens)

  5. Dolapo

    December 2, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Ish!!!! That is how they be lying about bitter exes, when the exes aren’t bitter, but they are the ones that refuse to let go cos they still want to have their cake and eat it, choosing to forget that it doesn’t roll that way, so they go around lying about their marital status, some don’t even wear their rings once they are not in the same town/country with their spouse. Messy messy.

    • yeyerry

      December 3, 2015 at 10:30 am

      Dear @bitterwife. I commend your strength to make a decision not to be foolish and stand by it. I pray that God gives you peace and all that you need to take care of you and your children. However, You seem like a godly woman, do NOT let bitterness for him take you away from your God. As hard as it might sound, (while you make your plans and stick to them) Forgive him. Only then will you have peace when you eventually leave. Forgiving him is the key to your healing.

  6. Ladylady

    December 2, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    can’t you focus on the story and move on? is this an English class or a blog..Chill!

  7. Lola carey

    December 2, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    @true talk.I’m guessing you ‘re a man who cheats on his wife too or a player if the only thing you could glean from this heartbreaking write up is d difference between pidgin and Queen’s English.

  8. Tee

    December 2, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    Please forgive your husband and and pray for him cos you are really hurting yourself with all these bitterness.your well laid out plan can’t work as well as you think.You need to heal..

    • sika

      December 2, 2015 at 5:48 pm

      Forgive who? pray for who? Please!!!! this whole turn the left cheek narrative is annoying. Lets leave the bible and forgiveness out of this. These men will keep pushing and pushing and taking and taking.. You have to be a complete bitch for them to get it. all this goody too shoes attitude is the reason men think they can get away with stuff. because naija women will go to church and pray for their cheating husband. The devil isnt using a cheating man…he is the one that CHOSE to cheat.

      You are very nice..still cooking for him and all. Ill starve that cheating man. Why should i be doing wifely duties when he has stopped being MY husband..the point he cheats is the point where you share him with others…at that point marriage has been desecrated so why do wifey duties? All this stupid naija pastors (WHO ARE MEN BTW, WITH SOME BEING CHEATING MEN), will be telling you to be patient and pray and forgive blah blah. naija mothers will give same advice cos they honestly dont know better. Thats what their mothers taught them and so thats the rubbish they will pass on. they are also the reason men cheat..bcos if mothers left their cheating husbands then young women today will know its ok not to put up with a cheat!

      Lastly, any man that tells you he wants you to be his pure wife who he cant do dirty things with pls run for it. You should be his all.. if he chooses not to share a part of his life with you then thats a serious sign, I like how you have handled this so far….LET HIM SUFFER FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE…being nice to a lying cheating husband who allows his side hoe disrespect you is something no one should ever do. BITCH MODE ALL THE WAY!

    • Natu

      December 2, 2015 at 7:26 pm

      @shees yes that is the only word I know. Now GTFOH!!!

    • Mymind

      December 2, 2015 at 9:16 pm

      OMG @Sika, you have said it all. THANK YOU! I was so weak with anger after reading this that I couldn’t begin to express my points coherently.

      I will never understand the way some people think. Soo she should keep praying for him and kuku pray AIDS into her life abi? Please what will you tell her after she contracts AIDS from her cheating good for nothing husband? For the love of God, why are people DESPERATE as heck to wear that Mrs. title regardless of the despicable things these play-boy, rebellious-dick-having, worthless-piece-of-shit husbands do to them? Ejo, ki lo de? Ko ye mi at all!!! And after all that, someone will come and tell you “pray for him”. SMH. Prayer ko, fasting ni!

    • Natu

      December 2, 2015 at 6:53 pm

      Lol @pray for him. So typical of y’all.

    • Sheesh

      December 2, 2015 at 7:18 pm

      Just shut it. All you know is “y’all” – is that the only word in your vocabulary?. Madam generalization

    • Chacho

      December 2, 2015 at 7:26 pm

      How can you forgive someone that has not admitted any wrongdoing?

  9. Laila

    December 2, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    Its funny how we loving wives react same way. Some many years ago my hubby flirted wit a fine chic to my face, and even reprimanded me in front of her, she was like 10yrs my junior. I marked that. Months later in the middle of a fight he swore he would eventually marry a second wife, I could go to blazes if I didnt like it. We made up but I marked that too. Caught him spending our money on chics, marked that too, and so on.. I got past anger loooong ago. My respite is my money, crude as it sounds. I ditched the whole joint account, joint money, contribution, helep me abeg bullshit. I opened my eyes and got bold with business, I grew balls for the sake of my kids, I saved, still saving. I have a healthy eight-figure savings account. I have saved enuff for my kids college over time and I’m sitting pretty. I am still the loving wife, no tantrums, submissive and peaceful. When he says he’s broke (which funny enuff is very often since all those years ago when I cut off), I rub his head and say its gonna be ok. I am a good wife with a good home-check. I am a respectable married woman-check. The house is in my name-check (yeah! I’m a woman dammit. If they can get his cash, so can I – he comes home to Me!!!) If some bitch wants to take him, na she sabi, it will give me a break from all that cooking. Let HER start from scratch……and be ready to scratch!!!

    • Gorgeous

      December 2, 2015 at 5:38 pm

      LMAO I LOVE YOU! Truly men do not understand that when a woman is fed up its OVER! i dont know how you people sleep with them. Once my mind is over someone, if he likes he can hang upside down with his blokus standing erect and hitting my head, it will not move me. Infact that will be the begining of the end. Once i have kids, i wish a nigga would!

    • chi

      December 2, 2015 at 6:15 pm

      in as much as I like to keep marriages together, you ma are a gee!! I hope cheating husbands are reading this and choosing their wives over some babe that is probably using them.
      Well doe ladies but reconcile if you can!!!

    • Natu

      December 3, 2015 at 12:26 am

      @lola according to you I should listen to laila ‘s advice. She can keep that for herself. The kid is good. My self esteem and self worth is on fleek!!!! While y’all are fixing cheating husbands other women are topping the billboard charts, breaking records, running for presidential elections and basically slaying life.

    • Natu

      December 2, 2015 at 6:59 pm

      So basically your marriage is a facade. Lmfao.

    • lola

      December 2, 2015 at 11:17 pm

      @Natu….You need to shut your trap and learn valuable lessons. Because with all these your shakara and hatred of Nigerian men, you probably want to marry oyibo. However, you are delusional if you think they don’t cheat too.
      Silly child .

    • ATL's finest

      December 3, 2015 at 3:46 am

      @ Natu I thought u disappeared but apparently, u are back from the hell hole. Crawl back in there

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 4, 2015 at 1:58 am

      My people say that “if you must eat a frog, better pick one that is juicy and sweet”. In context, it seems that the commenter up here may have in once thought she was dining on fillet mignon but ended up discovering it’s actually been a frog gracing her plate all of this while and she’s now decided to make that nasty experience worth her while.

      So, yes, maybe the union is now a facade but home girl is mining that facade for all its worth and I have to admit that I take my hat off to her for getting hers. Killing ’em softly but lethally in other words… Not everytime “gra-gra” and proving your muscle as a babe with other options – if you’ve decided that finding yourself a new man isn’t high on the list of priorities, feel free to explore the pecuniary benefits of showing your muscle in other silent areas. ‘Cos The Good Lord knows that “alimony” isn’t a concept our legal system has become adept at enforcing.

      To the main commenter, please stay STD safe, that’s all I can caution … but nwa nne m, I gotta admit that you dey dangerous ohhh! ???

    • The real dee

      December 2, 2015 at 11:32 pm

      I love you. Geez! That sounded like my mum. The woman is cray like you. Ain’t got no time for rubbish. He wants to cheat, let him continue. I won’t have HBP. My mum hides money in the weirdest places and would tell me, I don’t want your father touching my money, if you see any 500k under your bed, it’s mine….lol

      Recently, my pops became born again or so we thought, until she stumbled upon a message between him and a former flame. I thought my mum will go crazy because I went crazy, I even told my husband that day he better not try cheat on me like my dad’s doing or I will show him pepper. I even did investigation about the girl and sent to my mum. My mum wasn’t bothered.

      She said, I got one life to live and amma enjoying it to the fullest, no cheating husband gonna stop me. She’s still his loving wife at home but she’s traveling all over enjoying her life and enjoying her job. No time…..

    • kemmie

      December 3, 2015 at 12:08 am

      Such wise words…..Oro Agba.

    • Di

      December 3, 2015 at 3:21 am

      I don’t think you are happy, just as you are fronting a perfect marriage, you are fronting contentment here. All at the expense of catching stds or AIDS, cause I’m guessing your husband is hitting both you and all those women raw. Ain’t no happy woman with a cheating partner, no matter how much she amass.

    • Surely

      December 3, 2015 at 9:05 am

      I understand that you’re on a game plan to leave but pretending must be burning you inside. Why must you cook his meals? Sleep beside him? You may not be able to move out now but move to a separate room. I don’t get this happy home-peaceful wife thing. It’s pretentious and are you not worried you’ll love him again?

    • femfem

      December 3, 2015 at 9:43 am

      Girrrrllll. I love you. Xx xx. These men ain’t loyal. Never ever carry thier matter on your head. All that lurve bulls hit get you nowhere but high bp!. It irritates me now when people stay depressed cos if cheating hubby.

    • vivianmorh

      December 3, 2015 at 1:33 pm

      So he cheats and u don’t love him anymore yet you stay. So why do u stay oooo??? The Mrs title I guess. I hope you know the message you are passing to your daughter and you son. That you are saving behind his back and all that only shows how weak you are. If you arnt happy with a man set him free and stop laughing at his misfortune thereby making yourself liable to sin. A man that cheats is equivalent to a dog, so why should you waste your precious energy on an unrepentant dog? Just my 2 cents

  10. tolu

    December 2, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    We have all encountered cheating men one way or the other. Do you want to keep your home intact or not? do you want your children to grow up with a father or not? if you do not stand by him at his lowest, he will also discard you when he reaches his peak. I am not saying he is not at fault, but there is more to marriage than this. Show love. You will get same in return. Show respect, he will reciprocate, change him with love. Saving N5m does not guarantee the freedom you crave. It cannot even buy a house. What future plans do you have for your children. You should both attend marriage counselling. Hold on to your home

    • Observer

      December 2, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      You are daft sha.

    • Nahum

      December 2, 2015 at 5:41 pm

      Abeg stop your lies! All the love and respect she showed, did he reciprocate? All the money she was giving him, he turned around and spent it on women. He turned her highest moment (her marriage) to her lowest (broken heart). Please stop all this foolishness. A man who wants to love and respect his wife will do it from the beginning and continue.

    • MissOma

      December 2, 2015 at 6:20 pm

      Really tolu?? show love and die of high blood pressure or heart attack…. please swerve!!!

    • Beauty

      December 2, 2015 at 9:46 pm

      Just listen to yourself. You sound absurd. What if this man brings home an STD or HIV and infects her, then you will say that she should have left. She is doing exactly what any wise woman would have done. And who told you that showing love to someone would change them? Or that staying with someone at their lowest would make them appreciate you more? This is totally false. I have seen women who started with their husbands when they had nothing and now the men have everything they prefer to squander it on side chics and senseless distractions. Some of these women do not see the fruit of their patience and support. I never support women to stay in marriages like this, if it’s not making you happy. Leave and find your happiness!

    • Ngozi

      December 2, 2015 at 10:49 pm

      You must be stupid. “Change him with love”. You must have fallen on your head when you were a child. Lord knows that if a woman was caught cheating on her husband, he will not even want to hear any story. He will DUMP HER LIKE A BAD HABIT. But if a woman catches her husband cheating she should “Change him with love”. It’s people like you that are part of the problem. I literally choked on my food when I saw your comment. I’ve been cheated on, and I tried to make it work, make him change, I bent over backwards , I did not very thing he wanted and it was NEVER enough. So “changing with love” is an oxymoron. Omo, no time. I’m stone cold. If you like cheat, I’ll just be looking at you and smiling. I have mastered it very well. I will snoop & hand you back your phone smiling. I detached myself looooonnggggg ago. No man will give me headache oh. No way. Men don’t deserve jack shit when they have cheated and betrayed you.

    • Surely

      December 3, 2015 at 9:07 am

      Was she showing hate when e cheated on her and denied his family???
      As she’s still even being respectful while planning her exit strategy you’re still talking maggots here. Religion and low self esteem go kill una

    • Adain

      December 3, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      LOL. I see you don’t have sense.

    • heeba

      December 3, 2015 at 12:16 pm

      your home is not intact if your husband is cheating so what the heck are you holding on for??
      are you leader of the home. Man has already gone astray you are busy here talking crap.

  11. Deeza

    December 2, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    @ true talk, you got the message didn’t you?, not everyone has had the opportunity to get the type of education you got, be respectful and sympathise with her plight if you can’t then be quiet..

  12. hoover

    December 2, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    Amazing that you think he didnt cheat during dating only for him to cheat during marriage. Its either he was cheating while you were dating and you didnt turn your james bond mode on or maybe some of these exes truly want to scatter the marriage.Truth of the matter is some men are promiscuous by default even during dating. They have a main babe and 22 Side Chicks. Its hard for them to turn off the tap even after marriage.marriage. Thats why love is never enough. Mutual Respect, Trust and other variables are even more important than love in considering marriage. Someone once said the person you should marry should be your best friend but nowadays even that doesn’t guarantee anything as Mr Songz put it :”Even your boo get a boo”

  13. peperempe

    December 2, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned….
    I’m so sorry for this guy, if your wife, your better half, the soul to your body, the neck of your head is planning for you like this…. Surely there’s only gonna be problems.
    I like this silent killing, and let this be a lesson to all poor excuses for men, kontinu with your philandering ways thinking women of this generation are like mothers of old who succumbed too much to societal pressure and always falling victim to subjugation from men.
    Women don open eyes now o, cheat and cheat yourself 🙂

  14. Ada

    December 2, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    Nne ndo. I feel bad for you not for the man. The pain you must feel. Chai, I won’t know what to do this was me o.

  15. Laila

    December 2, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    Darling take a cue from women who have survived cheating husbands.

    Ivana Trump said “Don’t get mad….. Get EVERYTHING!!

    Make him put stuff in ur kids names too, ure only reaping where you sow tirelessly, daily.. And with the harsh reality of this our Naija society, don’t bother complicating ur life by leaving. Stay and collect everything. Scientific evidence says its likely he will die before you anyway.

    • dami

      December 2, 2015 at 6:02 pm

      Laila can i say i love you! Its like you’re in my head, mega sharp dey worry u sef. Women need to wisen up honestly, we have been taking so much bs from men for so long it is ridiculous. You’re right o “Don’t get mad….. Get EVERYTHING!!

    • sika

      December 3, 2015 at 12:06 am

      what if the husband doesnt have anything? what will you take? oh yeah i know…HIV!!!! dey there dey do ivanka trump.

  16. Deep Soul

    December 2, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    Marriage sha!

    As much as mine is hard sometimes, I’ve never had to experience issues with cheating. No, I’m not blind. I can win Miss FBI award international.
    I always remind my husband that I’m not your average Nigerian woman who just accepts that’s how men are.
    If I find out peem, I don waka with my children even before my family and in laws can think of reminding me how I’m not an oyibo woman who leaves her husband because of another woman.

    The difference between me and this poster is that I will not wait till I have x amount in my bank account. Because while you’re waiting, he just might give you AIDS.

    My mum’s close friend died 5 years ago from AIDS and guess who gave her? Her darling husband. Worst part is he knew he had it and was secretly taking anti-retroviral drugs. The devil walks amongst us and sometimes lives with us!

    P.S: This is the reason why no woman should be a housewife except she has some powerful assets in her name.

    • Damn!

      December 2, 2015 at 9:19 pm

      Jeeeez! That’s the height of wickedness

    • Tosin

      December 2, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      the AIDS story is deep. There ought to be a law…there must be a law…if he killed her…

    • DD

      December 3, 2015 at 10:00 am

      So you believe it’s wrong to infect your partner with a deadly disease. And yet you think it’s good for people to sleep around when they’re married… newsflash, Tosin: even condoms can break.

  17. Anonymous

    December 2, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    Never commented here but this… Fact that you poured all of this out here is evident that he still matters to some extent.. Even though you want the opposite. Well, wish no one evil.. Your plans are valid but the bitterness needs dissipate for you to find peace.

    • jhennique

      December 3, 2015 at 8:15 am

      Of course he will matter to her. He is her husband. but will she kill herself?

  18. Observer

    December 2, 2015 at 5:36 pm

    I actually appreciate the poster’s approach. No need to vex and break windscreen. Internalize it, make plans, when the time comes execute. It’s shameful that a man can deny his home just for 5 mins of sex.

    On another note: This man is not cheating with himself!! He is cheating with willing cognizant loose shameless WOMEN that may well be on this blog preaching. If women learn to say no…

    • Grace

      December 5, 2015 at 2:07 pm

      So if a man offers me 2 million or a house I should say no. For the students , it’s probably monthly allowances, fun, etc.

      If only men will stop asking

  19. Zoma

    December 2, 2015 at 5:42 pm

    More reasons I don’t want to be married!

    @bitterwife I’m so sorry you went through all that. Please can you forgive your husband? If you forgive him, you are doing yourself more good. How? Remember what the Bible says.

    What you’re doing – saving for yourself and kids – is the best and I admire you for that.

    You have really gone through alot and I’m still trying to figure out how you still managed to live with him after all you’ve mentioned and to realize your marriage is still very young (fresh), phew! I don’t know what to say again.

    Please pray more. For yourself and for your kids and please, forgive him and remember him in prayers too.

    But men WHY?

    ruthdulacblog.com

  20. l

    December 2, 2015 at 5:46 pm

    This is indeed sad! very Sad!!

    • Tosin

      December 2, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      from where i sit, it’s not that sad. it’s human, very human. wish everyone the best.

  21. Odine

    December 2, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    If we continue with these stories, water will finish in the lagoon. Sometimes I don’t know which of these scenarios sucks;
    1. A lazy man who isnt cheating (as far as I havent caught him)
    2. A man who knows his duty to wife and family (but a renown pant)
    3. A lazy cheating man (I just might poison this type)
    4. The Beater & Cheater

    Question is, are we women doing anything wrong? Or what do we women have to do to get it right or to keeping our men? Please dont come for me by saying what do I mean by what are we doing wrong. It is a possibility. Why? Because we as women cant always be the aggrieved (well, in most cases we are for very obvious reasons like; our patriachial society which makes men get away with everything, our mothers, their mothers, the society telling us “what has he done that you want to kill yourself?'” “Your father did worse, his father did worse” or “You want to end your marriage because he cheated, is he not providing? Did he beat you? You better don’t ruin a good thing” and it goes on and on. Nothing I havent heard.

    So seek happiness with your partner but know that no one is responsible for your happiness and if the the whole marriage sucks, leave. Why else will anyone want to subject themselves to a loveless marriage? Hey, women have stayed for much less, subjected themselves to a lifetime of unhappiness, resentment and bitterness. Please note, all that negative ish eats you up and makes you so damn cynical. Is a marriage worth loosing yourself and even your better self to? Ask yourself before we make all men demons. Remember, there’s always a willing participant is why men keep doing this, fellow women. My two cents.

    • californiabawlar

      December 2, 2015 at 6:08 pm

      You answered your own question kinda jere. If women are doing anything wrong, it’s enabling hereby promoting the behavior. Going forward, we can only raise better families. Men were raised to see nothing wrong with cheating. It’s almost comparable to the same way most Nigerian women are raised to believe all they have to do is be pretty and presentable (decent enough education) and a man would whisk them away. No more financial problems. Daddy will take care of everything. A lot of things are fundamentally wrong….Do you even notice that pastors never really preached against infidelity when we were kids? it almost takes a paradigm shift to be a normal functioning human being in Naija.
      For me and my household, all I know is if a boy comes out of my vjayjay, he would be raised in an environment where he’s taught to be a person of integrity through and through. No compromises. No shortcuts in life. You have to stand by your word.

      Summary? The change begins with each one of us. But as for the men in our generation? It’s a lost cause….manage whatever you get, lol.

    • Natu

      December 2, 2015 at 7:19 pm

      You are so right!!! My dad told me at a very young age to provide for myself. Do not depend on anyone and make your own living. How can i depend on someone to sponsor my lifestyle? I have too much pride and ego.

    • Tosin

      December 2, 2015 at 9:26 pm

      I know some great men, integrity, blah blah. But to believe that somebody will be monogamous for life is like believing that Eve would be chillin’ in the garden with a big bright apple shining in her face and y’know God had said don’t eat it and all, and to believe that with the mental and physical capacity that God has given her she would just sit there like a mumu and not eat it. Sorry, that’s not likely. Human beings are curious. Human beings tell stories (like some of the men up in these women’s tales, their husbands are just there spinning tales loool.) Human beings want to shag. Why would we say they/we shouldn’t?
      PS I agree with you on the many myths our society rests on. They are cool stories too.
      PPS Let he who is without premarital sex cast the first stone loooool.

    • Tosin

      December 3, 2015 at 7:05 am

      Still on the fruit of the garden:
      so now when God came back from his stroll, knowing full well that last last them for don chop that apple sha, abi instead of God (her?) to say that he was tired of sharing the fine garden with these over-sharp human creatures, looking for an excuse to kick them out…God put on his scary God voice and thundered at them – what!?! where is the shiny apple that I left here, it’s not there again.

      Do you know the funniest part? The first words that came out of the woman’s mouth were “It wasn’t me.” Adam was still there trembling.
      Shuoooe! said God. If it wasn’t you, then who was it, Baby Gehl?

      Adamu gave Efya this look like, if you call my name, eh… Smooth Mummy Eve was about to call her man’s name, but fear catch am, because Adamu as gentle as he looks, dangerous when angry, and very strong. Eve just saw one snake slithering by, she pointed at that one, “it was the serpent.” God was just smiling, like see this one oh, was I born yesterday? Adam was amazed like, ah ahn, serpent ke, snake dey chop apple abi iru iro iranu wo leleyi npa?

      Eve continued: it was the serpent, he came and whispered sssss in my ear to eat the apple, then plucked the apple and showed me and Adamu how to eat and even took a piece and dropped it in my mouth. That’s why we’re in this predicament. It wasn’t me, remember it was you that put the snake here and this mumu Adamu too. I really blame the snake.

      God just weak.
      In his/her mind, he was like hmmm, these ones, especially this Lai Lai one over here, if care is not taken she will soon swindle me out of my own garden, or knock me off my throne sef. The time is now to send everybody packing. Let them too go and be gods over their territory and see how ‘easy’ it is. That’s how he formed angry and said “I banish you.” But secretly he was proud of them. Behind the beard he was smiling.

  22. Labby

    December 2, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    U got it…some of them are here, posting comments! If only women learn to say no….

  23. sla

    December 2, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    My dear she does not need to stay and get everything , she can make it on her own . If he wants to support his kids he can support dem from afar. I will never support a woman to stay with a cheating husband bcos of financial stability . She should go and get her peace of mind. If ur married life is unhappy if u choose to stay there , it means d rest of ur life is gonna be unhappy. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

  24. estar

    December 2, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    Thumb up for this woman! You do know what you want.Many of us ain’t this lucky! I must say your hubby is still really loving and respect you. Mine will beat you blue black for snooping on his phone and you dare not try to talk about the cheating matter.

  25. Okon!

    December 2, 2015 at 5:57 pm

    If ur husband was dangote would you still say the things you just said here? I mean considering he might never get broke? Dont get me wrong i am not here to defend your stupid husband as a matter of fact i think he should be shot in the buttocks! But honey you see something when ppl hurt us we have these tendencies to wish/expect things not work out for them so we could smile and be like ‘i told u!’ or ‘u never see anything’. But it dosnt always work like that! All these talk of taking the kids away, i reali dont know law…but i am sure that if you two have to fight for custody of the kids, as the father he most llikely would win in a nigerian court!
    Honey my point is whatever u do, dont do it with a mindset of revenge, just ”protect” yourself and try to always look at the big picture! i dont encourage divorce, and yes i know what you are going through is difficult having to see your betrayer everyday. And yes no man deserves to steal your happiness, so dont let him! As you go out each day free your mind and choose to be happy. What ever you do, do it bcos it gives you joy and your conscience is at peace with it. Not because you want to get back at your husband! Pray sweet heart for wisdom and for God to heal your family and give you direction, from your post i am guessing u are a christain….your brother, Okon!

    • californiabawlar

      December 2, 2015 at 7:01 pm

      I stopped at your first line. If her husband was Dangote, my guess is she will pack as much money as she can and leave…easy breezy!

    • Di

      December 3, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      It’s men like you who feel money is the only way to keep a woman that feels threatened by a successful career woman! Am sure reading these comments and seeing that women are waking from their slumber is killing you, best believe it will fully happen one day.

  26. Vicky

    December 2, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    I identify so much with your story.My husband’s girlfriend arrested me on the 17th of August,becos I sent her a message to stop seeing him.she claims i threatened her.

    • Lexi

      December 2, 2015 at 9:19 pm

      WTF? are you in Nigeria? How did you allow that B!tch do that to you? If I were in your shoes, I would have hired some bad boys to follow her around, kidnap her, gang rape her and make sure that they take photos of her naked. Tell them to put pepper in her toto and dump her somewhere. Then I’ll post the naked photos on the internet.

    • ElessarisElendil

      December 3, 2015 at 1:51 am

      Or………….you know you just have her arrested as well. Not every time take a nuke to a fist-fight.

    • Nahum

      December 2, 2015 at 9:34 pm

      My dear, you deserve a hug. Just hang in there. And let me guess, Hubby did not protect you from his girlfriend abi? It is well.

    • Surely

      December 3, 2015 at 9:22 am

      Well you probably threatened her so don’t come with all the nonsense “she claimed”. After police station your eye clear abi??? Well done. You want to fight on top a man that cannot even protect you from shame, talk less of police station. Did your husband say “baby pls I cannot hit a woman so I need you step in to get rid of this woman who is sexually harassing me even though I keep turning her down?” DIDN”T THINK SO. 3 of you deserve one another. Shameless goats.

  27. Vicky

    December 2, 2015 at 6:05 pm

    I decided to make my life better,enrolled at school,concentrating on my business and saving every dime.

  28. Ellianna

    December 2, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    My advice to this lady – watch the movie “war room”. The bible says “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Your husband is not your enemy my dear, your enemy is satan and he is obviously at work here. Take the matter to God in prayer, ask Him to take control of the situation. Also pray for wisdom to handle situations the way God wants us to, you can’t do things the world’s way and expect it to work. Ask God for forgiveness too and ask that he’ll help you have true unconditional love for your husband. The enemy knows how much God values marriages that’s why he always attacks marriages. Christ compared the relationship between man and wife with His relationship with the church, that’s how important marriage is to God. Don’t let the devil win, take authority and send him out of your marriage. You will see change in your husband. Show him so much love, he will even be worried. 1 Peter 3 v 1-2 says “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” I pray God gives you the strength, grace and wisdom you need to get through this.

    • Naomi

      December 2, 2015 at 10:01 pm

      What’s all this nonsense??? Is she a spirit married to a spirit husband? fighting a spirit exgirlfriend?

    • MEE

      December 3, 2015 at 11:02 am

      Why do people forget EPHESIANS 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”. The husbands are told to love and the wives to submit. Both parties are supposed to keep to their instructions. That aside, she also has to be rational. Saving for her children is rational and preventing herself from getting any STDs is also rational. When the husband stops cheating, things can go back to normal.

    • Asin

      December 3, 2015 at 11:31 am

      The f $#k is this. Gosh I’m so sick of these religious ppl . Do I look like I want to wrestle with anything ? Fighting with whom biko? In this one and only life , only one life . Gurl please.

    • Hauwa

      December 3, 2015 at 2:13 pm

      Why are people so hateful towards the word of God? What has God done to you?… I understand you may not be a Christian or even know God but why is it so convenient to spew such disrespectful words at Him and His word? If you don’t like what she’s saying, you’re free to disagree but NOT insult the very word that gives life.
      I’d pray for you.

  29. Nelo

    December 2, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Laila has said it all…thumbs up girl

  30. ATL's finest

    December 2, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    @ Writer, I read your first comment & you are on d right part. Do what’s BEST for u & your twin boys. Keep on praying for him because he’s d father of your boys & in the mix of all these B***S, u once loved him but u don’t ve to put up with his mess. Good luck & best wishes.

  31. BlueEyed

    December 2, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    This Cheating men Horse is tired already (since 1800), what’s even more funny is how she is narrating to women on the blog whose partners are probably cheating on them too. Please if you married for the wrong reasons as a lot of these girls do these days then you can stay in the marriage and continue “saving”, if not by now you should have bailed on the sham of union you are in.

  32. Gbenga

    December 2, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    Hey Ladies, when you read stuff like these, remember, THERE ARE STILL GREAT-GODLY-LOVING MEN out there; properly brought up by God himself. May God heal your family dear poster.

  33. Tetsara

    December 2, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    Really? That’s all you have to say???

  34. Tosin

    December 2, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    you guys are funny 🙂
    Seriously though, you should ask your husband to read this.
    honestly doesn’t matter which you do: move farther away from him or draw closer to him with a renewed contract. I don’t agree that he is “useless” just as you are not “stupid” for believing he would be as wrapped up in you as you were in him. So be kind 🙂 as in don’t be meaner than you need to be. It’s a great story, realistic, reasonable, and cool.

  35. i no send

    December 2, 2015 at 6:37 pm

    hmmm..na wa.. any need to continue staying ?..cos you need a whole lot more than the amount you’ve saved ….meaning staying even longer…i think you are just angry maybe you should do trial separation but note that it may mean the end of the marriage o…and that person that talked about dangote is right somehow you hardly see those types being “left”

  36. Mrs. W

    December 2, 2015 at 6:53 pm

    Reminds me of my husband! Like 8 days into our marriage, I saw a chat on his phone where he was apologizing to a girl for not telling her about our wedding. He actually denied being married at first then she sent him screenshots of pictures some of his friends had posted on Facebook from our wedding. He then admitted that he got married and said he didn’t plan to marry me only he was compelled to because I got pregnant and that it was a small lowkey wedding. This is me, a Pastor’s daughter who had a reasonably sized wedding with over 600 guests, had a traditional wedding on Thursday and church wedding on Saturday. I wasn’t pregnant when we got married, heck RCCG made me take a pregnancy test on Thursday before my wedding and would have cancelled the wedding the test came back with a faint positive! I was so dazed!. Hurt and disappointed that he felt the need to lie to another woman about his choice of wife!

    When I confronted him, he apologised and said it was because he married late (39) and that he wanted to avoid any “spiritual” problems for me so he had to lie to the girl so she won’t go spiritual gangsta on me. I laughed and remembered how foolish I was for going ahead with the wedding. Back in February, my Pastor’s wife had invited a female colleague of hers to our church and my then-fiance., now husband, came to pick me after service so we went to say hello to my Pastor’s family in the car park. My Pastor’s wife introduced my fiance to the lady that this is Sister XYZ’s fiance, their wedding is in March. The lady was shocked but she tried to hide it. After we left them, my bobo was asking me if I knew the lady and I said no,just that Pastor Mrs invited her to church. He then gave me one cock and bull story of how the lady was interested in him and even though he didn’t encourage she came to visit him in his house in a small town in Ogun State. I said who gave her the address? He said he had to because he was at work when she called him to say she was in town to visit him so he gave her the address so she could go wait for him at home. Apparently, she couldn’t go wait in an eatery which was what I did the first time I visited him. I asked did she enter your bedroom? He said yes, because she had to use the restroom! What happened to the guest toilet in the parlor, he said it was dirty. Turns out entertained the lady in his bedroom because his bachelor’s crib didn’t have any living room furniture and the bedroom had just a mattress on the floor. He assured me that he didn’t have sex with her. I asked him if he told the lady he was engaged to be married in less than 2 months and he said no. That she will deduce once she sees the wedding ring on his finger and that he didn’t want “spiritual” problems because some women are so desperate they could scatter the wedding plans!

    Foolish me, I still went ahead with the wedding. We’ve been married for barely 9 months but the things I have seen in this marriage ehn! I haven’t caught him cheating yet and I don’t bother to snoop. But God knows my Plan B is fully activated.

    • Joke

      December 2, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Story, story. Married to be married. Good luck. You will definitely need it.

    • Mrs A

      December 2, 2015 at 9:12 pm

      @ Mrs W
      Chai!!!
      Your husband is a professional liar.
      He should go into politics.
      Chai!!!
      Get EVERYTHING!!!
      Show no mercy.

      These men sha.
      They must think women are stupid.
      They are just doing themselves.

    • kk

      December 2, 2015 at 11:28 pm

      Dear Mrs. I was expecting you to say,you secretly went to make further inquiry from the lady to know what really happened between them(your husband &her)

  37. lily

    December 2, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    I admire your courage and what you are going through reminds me of my mom experiences. First, we women should learn to say NO…the bitter truth is we only cause ourselves more pain when we go around frolicking with other people’s husband. I assume the part that says stop cheating with other women husband is not included in the phrase “women supporting women.”
    A leopard doesn’t change his spot….unfortunately,People are like that, there are certain aspects of people that can’t change. There is much that can change but there is much that can’t either. And as such no matter how hard he may try change those spots into a different pattern, some people will still find themselves in such places over and over again and with the same problems. Sometimes, ur prayers for them seems like a stale bread that is more of out of boredom.
    Pls resist the urge to be bitter….I had to watch my mom do this for a while until one day I came home and realized the woman whose husband has stopped her from wearing trousers is all dressed up looking like a fresh babes in her mid 20’s yeeeepeeee…..yawa don gas. That was the turning point for her…and just like you…she was saving while he was getting his sorry ass broke. Alas, I don’t hate men….sometimes I wish they can be true to their own weakness rather than sit around and try to make their own wives miserable. Keep working hard, keep being the strong woman that you are, and pls include him in your prayers at least one in a while.

    • lily

      December 2, 2015 at 6:58 pm

      For the sake of the ‘I DO’ u both said on wedding day.

  38. Las

    December 2, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    I’ll confess, after the part saying “he cried and apologised and we even had sex”, I just stopped reading.
    I believe you may have known what you were getting yourself into – a nudge, a hint, a red flag. As women we are intuitive like that. How do I know? From experience.

  39. Laila

    December 2, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    To all those saying she should leave, a broken home is not a thing to bequeath to your kids. Its not their fault. She’s angry cos its still fresh, heck even just reading her story brought stuff back and got me riled up, but trust me, loving wives never stay angry or bitter. And does she still love him? hell yes, and always will. No question.

    • NaijaPikin

      December 2, 2015 at 10:59 pm

      Well an unhappy home is not the best envornment to raise children either. If people were happy, the world will truly be a better place. I just cannot encourage anyone to stay in a situation that makes them unhappy. It’s like a slow poision – Killing softly.

    • MEE

      December 3, 2015 at 11:20 am

      Honestly, some children are happier in broken homes. A “complete” home with no happiness is worse in some cases

    • Bleed Blue

      December 4, 2015 at 9:21 am

      Very true. My parents separated for a year when I was younger and it was the happiest time of our lives (my siblings and I). I was 15 and knew what happiness felt like, for the first time in my life.

      Mum finally took him back because of society. I went into shock when Dad moved back in, I literally couldn’t utter a word for the next 48hrs. I just stared.
      Not too long after, life got bad again. Sometimes the kids are better off with divorced parents. FACT!

  40. kenny

    December 2, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    true talk you are a wicked human being o

  41. similicious

    December 2, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    The story should be called ‘The Nigerian Woman’s Guide to Winning in a Relationship- The Passive Aggressive Way’. Communication is always the answer. It is your marriage,both of you are in this together and if you decide to leave, he should know why!. I do not need to be married to understand that communication is important in any relationship. You have accepted that he will cheat and that is what he will continue to do. Women look the other way when they are dating whilst their men are blatantly cheating but these women turn around and start crying foul when they get married to these cheaters. The relationship is almost always the preview of a marriage.

  42. uche

    December 2, 2015 at 7:55 pm

    Husband dont know the impact it has when your wife stop praying for you,if you know,you will always love her more to pray for you. Mothers pray but when a wife prays something happens. I pray for your home right now that God will use this challenging period of his life to bring a change in the heart of your husband and that light will come into your home again.Amen.

  43. Eva

    December 2, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    I really empathise with you….however I would say this, as hard as it can seem…don’t be happy for his downfall…keep up with your plan B..yes. ..but don’t rejoice in his downfall…God help us

  44. Suwa

    December 2, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    I cast and bind the evil spirit making men to cheat on their wives and girlfriends. Please don’t leave your husband, they are all like that and keep praying for him you hear..

  45. chi-e-z

    December 2, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    Ghen ghen … A woman scorned… Women we wicked sha 😀 .. can’t say I haven’t thought worse

  46. pwiti

    December 2, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    Dear writer, I fully support ur plans abt making a future for ur kids, tz d best tin to do and I ll say u shouldnt even tell ur mum wen u r leaving his house coz den she will hit u with the “every man cheats, at least hez not beating u, stay dia for ur children” crap…d problem with dz society is dat we fail to tell d truth even wen we know it, imagine a pastor in my chrch telling us young ladies dat even if d hubby is beating u, u shld neva leave ur marriage… Even d bible supports divorce on d grounds of bin unfaithful, so diaz no tym to waste if u are absolutely certain of it, I wish u d best and to d unmarried folks lyk me out dere.. May we neva jam d cheaters.

    • Tosin

      December 2, 2015 at 9:16 pm

      but in the Bible times unfaithfulness meant more children with less organized parenting and care plans (na who get pikin). I can’t say Amen to your prayer of not jamming the cheating ones because people need to shag and people should try and let people shag. I’m even thinking how can somebody not cheat? (The easiest answer is to open the door, not make ‘fidelity’ a law…no law, no sin.) I am actually begging 🙂

    • MEE

      December 3, 2015 at 11:17 am

      You’re probably referring to the old testament with an old covenant. In the new testament and the new covenant after the death of Jesus Christ, it’s one man, one woman, polygamy isn’t included.

    • Tosin

      December 5, 2015 at 3:07 am

      serious? really? I need to go and get that Bible-study habit back.

  47. Mabel

    December 2, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    @ Poster, while I know your anger is fresh, do not rejoice at the the misfortune facing your husband, he will always be the father of your children, so you should always hope for him health and prosperity even if he has done you and the children wrong. Save your money and secure yourself as you are already doing, treat him the best that you can while you are with him so he can always remember you did not dole out to him what he doled out to you. Take care of your children and continue to prosper. I do not know if you will ever love him again, but do not let hate take over your spirit, your children are still young and whatever energy you emit they will pick it up, so keep anger and hate out of you. I wish you all the best, and your story again highlight why it is important for women to have a source of income and financial independence.

  48. swizzle

    December 2, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    SMH…Generation of dream chasers. I hail una o.

  49. Pretty

    December 2, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    If there is a divorce, who gets the kids in the Nigerian court?

  50. Someone

    December 2, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    I can bet that many of asking her to leave wouldnt even have the guts to try it if they were in her shoes! Talk is too cheap!
    My dia yes ur husband messed up and should be flooged! My advice to u is simple what ever u do, alwys make sure u look at the big picture. Dont do stuffs bcos u want to get back at him or hope that things dont go well with hime so you can have the last laugh. But rather do stuffs because it makes u happi and brings u peace! So tomoro when u go out smile more and make a choice to be happy…no man should steal your joy. But when you focus on hate or revenge or hoping things dont work for others, you put your self in a bondage to them. Cos then you are givin them d power to make a choice about ur happiness

  51. Belle

    December 2, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    Maybe you should cheat back… It might make you feel better !

  52. Aj

    December 2, 2015 at 10:07 pm

    When women won’t wait, marry marry marry!! Sleep with the men without getting married first, then come and cry wolf. And start calling God? Where was God when you were showing all your skills? Where was God when you were giving the guys all the benefits of a wife to a man that barely knows anything about you? These are the seeds of disobedience that you guys are reaping now. Wait, get your relationship with God right first, there is a reason why he said guys and girls close your legs before marriage. Take your time, I don’t know where girls are rushing to. There is so much to life than being a Mrs somebody.

    • Surely

      December 3, 2015 at 9:49 am

      making sense until you said women are the ones who reap the consequences of premarital sex. Pls, who are they sleeping with? Ghosts? Trees?
      And who says waiting till you’re married guarantees no cheating? Many oyibo people do not even marry and have better commitment values than misguided nigerians so fall back on that talk.

  53. Mrs somebody

    December 2, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    Hmmm….life is hard…i can relate to your story my dear. Only someone who has experienced or is experiencing this would know the pain. My husband cheated on me too n I was so hurt I tot of leaving with my son because I know that would leave him devasted but d love my son has for his dad z overwhelming i just couldn’t think of separating them by leaving because its no fault of his n nida would I leave my home for some low life to come and take charge . So I have decided to concentrate on my bizness in order to take my mind of things. And because I know that nothing lasts forever,wen he’s tired of running around he will come back to his senses shikina!!! I don’t have the energy to be angry with someone who doesn’t even care about that.As for leaving your home ,I don’t know how wise dat is because u would be giving the lowlifes wat dey want.

    • Surely

      December 3, 2015 at 9:52 am

      Repeat after me: HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. NEVER. CHEATERS AND PHILANDERERS ARE ALWAYS WHAT THEY ARE/. So baby girl, keep waiting. If u cheated on him he would dump you, remarry and take his child/have the child come visit with his new step mom and you would be the whore forever.

      So this nonsense about suffering in silence and dying quietly while he disrespects you and your child and God is hogwash.

    • Surely

      December 3, 2015 at 9:55 am

      Trust me if his girlfriend wanted to b his wife with the way she already has control over him, he will leave u or marry her join so keep lying to yourself there. She is happy her husband isn’t a cheating philanderer like yours and just uses him for knacks, service her bank account and listen to him mock you

    • Why?

      December 3, 2015 at 11:06 am

      Beht why are you jumping on everybody’s comments? It is their personal experience and they are free to share it without you jumping down their throats and acting like the judge of the whole earth.

  54. Princess

    December 2, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    This happened to me also. As I read her story, I thought someone was talking about me. First lady, you should never abandon your kids No matter what their father has done to you. You are their mother. Secondly,if you are legally married to him, you have every right both physical and spiritual over your husband’s life. Thirdly, do not stop praying for him. He is the father of your twins. If anything happens to him what will you do. I am glad you went back to work. It is important to work on yourself at all times. Finally, keep praying for your marriage. As the woman it is your main responsibility to pray for your home. Ignore all those girls outside. He is not brining them home because he still has some respect for you. God bless you.

    • Gorgeous

      December 2, 2015 at 11:39 pm

      He is bringing their diseases home. If you like die there. You know men can carry cancer causing STD’s that kill women and it will not kill the man? Why do you think so many are dying from ovarian cancer. 90% chance their husbands brought it for them. And condom does not stop it. My dear, if you have vowed to marry your killer, that is good for you. But never say after all he is coming home to you. Be more concerned what he is bringing home. No one wins. You or GF

    • Surely

      December 3, 2015 at 9:57 am

      So the man is the head yet it is not his main responsibility to protect his family (by not cheating) and PRAY for his family??? But ppl like you would be first to say “my husband id the head”. Head of the dining table to finish all the food and go pass out in another woman’s arms. Foolish talk

  55. BN ladies hate men

    December 2, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    Little response to.the ever men-bashing ladies,

    1. Since the days of Abram, men have been into poly- tings. Sarah and Hagar.

    2. Fine girls are too plenty, we need to.help their ministry. 1man to 7 ladies.

    3. Ladies, better stay single than trying to cow a man to be yours alone. He tried choosing you out of all the gfs he had. They are still there.

    4. Men are on this site too and they are reading. A guy man no fit guy a guy man. Keep all you can, how are you sure he doesnt have a secret account like you do too? All your comments are teaching men to have a backup plan as welk

    5 You are staying to get money? shows women will be women. You are not sufficient on your own. You need a man to make you. All your sufficiency is on the man. What do most of you contribute in the first place? he pays all the fees, the kids and yours inclusive. Very obvious from all the comments.

    6. Before he married you, he has his money (even if it was a little) if he hadd continued his life wtht marrying you, he would be stinkingly rich by now. You coming to his life is a set back cos he has to spend his money on several things. Your prayer is not needed. You didnt pray for him to be okay b4 u met him and agreed to marry him. Forget the praying for him shit- you pray for him so you can benefit from it. You never see prayers to your perssnal prayer. you think or prayer is responsible for his success?

    7. Men are evil, men are shit, men are useless, yet you wont leave them alone. You wont allow them rest. All you think about is marriage wen you meet one. If men have their way, they wont marry. You will get them to a corner, force them to marry you and want to change them when you are not GOD that changes.

    8. Women are evil. A man offends you, you wish him evil, pray for.his downfall, wish him dead….forgetting all the sacrifices he has made for you since the beginning
    .
    9. Tired of the rants. Leave tonight or tomorrow morning. All of you with cheating husbands, pack and go. Those with cheating boyfriends, text him tonight and break.up. stop the noise. Relationship /Marriage no be by force. Leave them men alone and go your way.

    10. Bet this.with me, leave tomorrow with all the money, cars…….. and watch your fellow lady move in with him within a week. At most 1week.

    To be sane,

    a. sorry for the incident. Try talk over it. All your plan B will always hurt you. Forgive him.and forgive yourself. free your mind and live a healthy life. All in all we are humans, trying to be perfect.

    • Mabel

      December 3, 2015 at 12:29 am

      Could you crawl back under your rock please? All those words and not one lick of sense in any. mtschewww

    • Tosin

      December 3, 2015 at 7:09 am

      au contraire, plenty sense.

    • Nahum

      December 3, 2015 at 1:06 am

      Very good! FYI, the winds of change are here and Nigerian women are no longer wiling to accept rubbish in their lives. Now, you can continue cheating and making yourself happy. Maybe it’s until you have three failed marriages and a dozen kids spread across the world before you realize the stupidity in your arrogant thoughts. Until then, continue!

    • Iya Eko

      December 3, 2015 at 2:39 am

      *rolling eyes*

  56. emily

    December 3, 2015 at 1:47 am

    And he will not cheat on the fellow lady that moves in with him within 1 week? Lmao!!
    He wiil, and she will feel exactly the same way and may leave too! Nd he will continue.
    Men think they know everything! They just lose respect from their truest people! Sigh
    God is allowing it, what can I say?
    How come women run to God for help concerning these things and he just..
    Women are meant to be betrayed? It’s alright to hurt?
    Life is really hard

  57. Iya Eko

    December 3, 2015 at 2:51 am

    All around nobody has said anything that will change what this lady has decided to do. All ye “pray for him and his community peen and hold your house because you are a woman” folks, I can’t with you. I. JUST. CAN’T.

    If you have been down the same road before and you decided to stay put and continue with business as usual … carry on. If you carried your karanga and waka comot … you too carry go.

    Until you walk in someone’s shoes in the exact same, size down the exact same road, with the same potholes, please just wish them the best and pray for them to make the best the decision for themselves.

    So dia fo, poster whatever choices you make based on your situation, I pray that come out of this triumphant. Killzees.

    • DD

      December 3, 2015 at 9:55 am

      ‘Tiri’ gbosa for you my sister. You talk am well!

  58. Iya Eko

    December 3, 2015 at 2:56 am

    Just in case:
    All around nobody has said anything that will change what this lady has decided to do. All ye “pray for him and his community peen and hold your house because you are a woman” folks, I can’t with you. I. JUST. CAN’T.

    If you have been down the same road before and you decided to stay put and continue with business as usual … carry on. If you carried your karanga and waka comot … you too carry go.

    Until you walk in someone’s shoes in the exact same, size down the exact same road, with the same potholes, please just wish them the best and pray for them to make the best the decision for themselves.

    So dia fo, poster whatever choices you make based on your situation, I pray that come out of this triumphant. Killzees.

  59. Cindy

    December 3, 2015 at 3:48 am

    Women are evil “It’s a compliment”. Lol. This is very good it shows you are smart. I am married n know what you are going through. But the plan of man is not of God. Don’t stop praying for him God work in mysterious ways.

  60. Aisha

    December 3, 2015 at 4:53 am

    Keep praying for him I heard some say? He lost that privilege when he decided to be unfaithful. He tore his spiritual covering, so he should be MAN enough to face the consequences. If only men realize the amazing effect of prayers from a being who houses and feeds another being within her, then they would think twice before frolicking with side chicks.
    The gist of this story is that women need to hold their own no matter how awesome thier relationship or marriage may seem, as the heart of man changes faster than the needle of a compass. I applaud the Mrs. for being proactive and putting things in place for herself and the kids.
    Yes, there are men every where, however, a REAL MAN is he who whips his basal nature to order because he knows what he will loose should he act otherwise.
    WOMEN, know thyselves and you will never be at a loss on what to do at any given time.

  61. ss

    December 3, 2015 at 8:02 am

    abeg I’m from a broken home… my mum is happy and living her life. life is too short to live a misrable life pretending to be a picture perfect family.

  62. jhennique

    December 3, 2015 at 8:03 am

    Men think they know it all. They think they know. They have no idea………..Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Whn you marry a woman and call her your wife, your life can never go well if that woman is unhappy and worse still if that unhappiness is caused by you.
    do you realise that marriage is a covenant based on blood, spirit, mind, soul, body? Do you realise that this woman is an extension of you? a part of you??? Do people even know what marriage is at all?
    Hello bae, dont despair. I will ask you to forgive him but that is prolly the most difficult thing you have ever had to do but i will tell you one thing,……..Draw closer to God. Pour out your heart to him. Confide in him. Cry in his lap. Seek his guidance. Let him lead you from this valley and show you true joy. You will smile again. EHugs!

  63. jhennique

    December 3, 2015 at 8:14 am

    Of course he will matter to her. He is her husband. but will she kill herself?

  64. Olayemi

    December 3, 2015 at 8:22 am

    If anyone has been down this road, you will be tired of praying. I am currently on the road, exactly the same story with the poster and it’s an unwinding twist. Every night I go to bed, I dream of the day I will pack out with my daughter and that will be my freedom. That day is near.

  65. Rani

    December 3, 2015 at 8:59 am

    I’ve had a lot of married men come after me, but i keep saying “no”. Even Muslim ones who don’t see anything wrong with it since after all “they are entitled to 4 wives”

    This is so that when I pray for a non-cheating husband I will get one because i have prayed with a pure heart, and if I do get a cheating husband, when i pray for him or against him it won’t be a case of karma….

    So no matter how attractive a married man is, even if he offers the “world” me, it’s a big emphatic NO!!!!

    Single ladies please avoid married men, especially if you planned to married someday.

  66. Zoma

    December 3, 2015 at 10:09 am

    @Rani

    Saying no to a married man so that you will not get a cheating husband is not the case.

    My cousin never had anything to do with a married man all her life till she got married. Her husband was cheating on her. He also harrassed me sexually when I went to live with them which made me run away but not before exposing him.

    It’s way beyond what we think. We can only ask God to direct us. Meanwhile, we should breathe and live. Men will always be men and women will always be women.

    As much as there are cheating men, there are cheating women too. We just need God’s direction. We need to always pray for the zeal to overcome temptations and come out strong. He never promised it will be full of bliss. the tests will come and that’s the only way we will have testimonies.

    • Rani

      December 3, 2015 at 10:47 am

      @Zoma

      “This is so that when I pray for a non-cheating husband I will get one because i have prayed with a pure heart, and if I do get a cheating husband, when i pray for him or against him it won’t be a case of karma….”

      See second half of the paragraph.

  67. tutu

    December 3, 2015 at 10:18 am

    I was practically crying while reading this not because of your story but because of mine rather. I’m married for 10yrs with four children and I’m 32yrs old. Trust me; you don’t have slightest idea of the pains have gone through. I got married to a man i will describe as a dog because he sleeps with anything on skirt. o.k let me break it down; He had a relationship with a girl in same compound where we once lived and it was so open that even neighbors knew . This happen before our first anniversary. Immediately i leave for market or anything takes me out of the house. She will enter through the back door and they will make love right on our matrimony bed. His even very useless and careless that both the condoms and wastepaper they use he will trash it in my wastebasket. i saw several chats from so many women that I’m even afraid for my life right now. He will go to Facebook and chat up a girl and next thing they prizing sex. As a matter fact i came to realized that he is into several women but he didn’t stop there. He slept with all the maids so far and when i caught him he told me that I’m the supply them to him. Infact the last one happened 2 weeks ago. Someday i believe i will share my full story and please all what i need now is prayers.

    • Asin

      December 3, 2015 at 12:01 pm

      You know the solution to your predicament. You guys really seem to forget we only have ONE life . After this no more!! Hubs is enjoying himself and you are the one in PAINS lol . Do u want panadol ? Lol mscheew. Get it together .

      The most annoying part of ur post is the fact that you are the laughing chicken of your compound .Godforbid…a whole me achalugo 1 of wuse zone 2 The audacity. Mscheew , you are very annoying actually I’m pissed that you don’t have the courage to do what u have to do.

    • DD

      December 3, 2015 at 12:02 pm

      Oh no. Terrible.

    • teniola

      December 3, 2015 at 12:39 pm

      you better leave that man oooo before std or hiv meet you and you are not alive or mentally fit to care for you children or stop sleeping with him I beg you

    • mee

      December 3, 2015 at 1:29 pm

      madam you need prayers and a brain please,how can anyone put up with this???? Lord have mercy!!

    • Tosin

      December 5, 2015 at 3:18 am

      I just prayed for you.

      There are some men who gbensh-a-lot, freely, anyhow, anywhere, and I agree that it’s prayer and wisdom to know what to do. I have nothing against them per se, I do have something against them getting married to an innocent woman who expects different. Some will change/get tired. Some won’t quit fighting the good fight till the Lord calls them home.

      The good thing is at least YOU know the STD risk, some people who dey with smooth operator nko? So please please take care of yourself first in that regard. Anything from abstinence to condoms. That should be non-negotiable. (Too many African men don’t think about diseases. I think they don’t even believe the whole thing. Don’t try to understand.)

      For the rest, with prayer and patience, you will know what to do.

    • jane

      December 5, 2015 at 11:51 pm

      leave before you get Aids

  68. Why?

    December 3, 2015 at 11:08 am

    That memo is for “Surely”

  69. Rynyx

    December 3, 2015 at 11:23 am

    But what exactly went wrong? how did we miss it this bad? who raised these men? what happened to our mothers? the onus is now on every mother to make sure our daughters don’t have to deal with this and our sons don’t become any woman’s reason to cry. waooh, I am pained.

  70. Rynyx

    December 3, 2015 at 11:23 am

    But what exactly went wrong? how did we miss it this bad? who raised these men? what happened to our mothers? the onus is now on every mother to make sure our daughters don’t have to deal with this and our sons don’t become any woman’s reason to cry. waooh, I am pained.

    • engee

      December 4, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Our mothers raised them and taught them that its okay to cheat by letting them watch their fathers get away with infidelity, that’s what went wrong. So when ppl say women should stay in such marriages, they should know they r teaching our daughters to be weak and our sons to be serial cheats.

  71. YUMMY CHICK CUM MUMMY

    December 3, 2015 at 11:42 am

    HMMMMMM.

  72. YUMMY CHICK CUM MUMMY

    December 3, 2015 at 11:45 am

    am 26yrs. and if i write abt wat am going .thru…… but i v set making my plans too thou. it will be manifested by january. i cant deal with this in a new year……funny i never date any married man

  73. chuks Ugbaja

    December 3, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Your husband has long been cheating on you even before he married you. You were just so blind to see it. Now that you guys are married you have to keep on praying to God to change him. You must stay in that marriage if you love your kids. No one will want to marry from a broken home. Please keep on praying for him.

    • heeba

      December 3, 2015 at 12:33 pm

      Mr Chuks …..you are too funny I swear .lol she should stay in the home?? okay when you sister is in the same situation and the husband brings in illegitimate children for her to take care of she will stay in the home, or brings STD’s (one of my friends had her fallopian tubes totally blocked from STD given to her by her husband she can not have children again) or HIV she should stay .
      or the man is embarrassing your family insistently in public with his philandering she should stay, emotional abuse she should stay, narcissistic husband she should stay, what about physical abuse let her stay.
      Please ladies or men don’t listen to this person !!!!

  74. teniola

    December 3, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    She can pray for him from the outside.
    Kids will be fine maybe even better off
    she will definitely find a husband if she wants what has a broken home got to do with that ? is she the one that broke the home?

  75. Christiana

    December 3, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    I am proud of you @ Poster because of how calm you are and how you are thinking smart. Everyone has a choice to make, some people feel they can stay while others cant. The truth is nobody wants a broken home but if it comes what can you do? I am a result of a broken home, my parents separated when I was one year old, my mother is blind but today am everyone is proud of me. My mother made a promise to ensure she brings me up in a proper manner so that people wonts say”oh she is like this because of her mother’s condition”.
    @Poster do what makes you happy and take care of your twins.

  76. Scarlet

    December 3, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    @ Tutu the Lord is with you, may he strenghten you and give you and help you overcome.
    I have no words for cheating men, all i can say is, sisters! brace yourself up for this challenge, be self sufficient, go out, have fun, build a good career and at least earn the respect of a man if not his fidelity. Let those hoe(men) know you can also drop them “like a bad habit”.

  77. Tee

    December 3, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    Dear poster, I love your confidence and attitude. I am proud of u.

  78. Observer

    December 3, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    If you are the religious type… Forgive. No one is worth you going to hell for…… Unforgiveness is just as bad as adultery…… Sin is sin. If you died today with unforgiveness…. Hell fire…. And I hear it’s pretty hot. If he’s alive and repents…. Heaven…… No one is worth your eternity

    please revenge …. With success. Be successful.. Stay focused . Love you.

    To all married men, women marriage is work. It’s a marathon. Not a sprint. You work at it.
    If you had to work to get your degree…. Then what makes you think marriage will be different.? It’s a series of tests, some snap tests , some exams for longer periods, some essays that require long hours of research. Work at it. But if you decide to quit then be honourable. Do it decently, with fairness and dignity.

    To all cheaters….. Adulterers.. Male ,female, ,hemaphrodites, side chicks, side Bobos, baby mamas for married men, “gigoloformarriedwomenwhosehusband isalsocheating, sleeping with wife’s housemaid,cousin,nanny, sleeping with gateman,chef etc ( olorun shanu… The categories are just getting broader.

    Please continue……
    Perhaps God does not exist to see the pain and anguish you are causing to someone else….
    No problem….

    Karma is there sha. ….
    I hear she’s a bitch….. With red long fingernails drumming on the hood of her Ferrari….
    She’s waiting …. She slide up to you and embrace you. She’ll goad you on…. Cheer you on… Tell you how smart you are and how you got away with it…. And then just when you are sinking into the drivers seat of that beautiful Ferrari….. She’ll bite your juicy ass!.

  79. Lol

    December 3, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    You know the part that pains is that we women understands how it feels to get cheated on. So why do we do it to the fellow woman. I’m not married yet or close to marriage age(19). I’m not in the place to advise any woman.
    Good luck to you all.

  80. Scarlet

    December 3, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    @ Tutu the Lord is with you, may he strenghten you and give you and help you overcome.
    I have no words for cheating men, all i can say is, sisters! brace yourself up for this challenge, be self-sufficient, go out, have fun, build a good career and at least earn the respect of a man if not his fidelity. Let those hoe(men) know you can also drop them “like a bad habit”.

  81. Asin

    December 3, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    Ladies how about we all just vex and call it quits . Like just say by the end of 2016 bam everyone up and leave. Maybe some lady with funds can even set up a transition house. Some financial classes etc . Enough is enough . Stop having kids 2-3 is okay..close it . Get ur education , have a strong support system.

  82. RaiseYourBoysRight

    December 4, 2015 at 6:14 am

    I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Men are not being raised right at all. Get mad at me all you want but that is the root of all these probl3ms. I am married but I don’t have kids yet. I’m not even sure I want to have kids with him because he doesn’t act like he loves me. He lies about me to everyone, complains about every gosh darn thing, reports me to everyone, compares me to all his female friends, etc. But I’m the reason he is a US citizen. I’m the reason he was able to finish school and become a doctor. I’m the reason his family is cared for. I pray for him, support him, have his best interest at heart and for what? A marriage? Will it get me into heaven? I’ve tried to leave a bunch of times but was never able to follow through on it. But then again, no one put a gun to my head to marry him. Lord help us all.

  83. Dainty

    December 4, 2015 at 8:00 am

    I’ll like to recommend a movie for the poster and indeed everyone who has put a comment here. The film is titled ‘War Room’

  84. Vashti

    December 4, 2015 at 9:16 am

    Lawd. Experience and knowledge is very important when it comes to giving advise on these issues. I don’t have the experience but I have watched my parents actions over the years. My Dad was not faithful in marriage but he is the best Dad and provider. He wasnt in love with my mom when they got married but it.was more a marriage of convenience and practicalities. Same goes for my mom. Something was missing so he sought that outside his marriage with other women while she poured her needs on kids and home. Wrong decision? Yes but the truth is that MEN ARE ACTUALLY THE WEAKER SEX (and our young lads are getting weaker by the day). Thinking back to cheating exes, I used to feel so pained and depresses but I was foolish to have wasted my time and energy on a mere human being when I should have focused on making my life and situation better. All those fine boy adrenaline pumping steez is just a cover up for their INSECURITIES..they need validation to make them feel like a man. One advise I would have given my mom is that Marriage is not a requisite to make heaven, focusing on the strange woman or side chick is a trick and diversion used by the enemy to compel you to forget about Yourself and your life. No man is worth the trouble. If you are hurting take time out to heal and develop yourself and the talents God gave you..having man to call a husband is not the ultimate prize winner. Ladies should stop believing that they have failed if the marriage ain’t working or there is no love…why do we deceive ourselves? Leave him to find himself, once he has finished his hunting skills he will come back and If he doesn’t come back to you he wasn’t yours in the first place. God is your living water, go to him and you will thirst no more

    • Tosin

      December 5, 2015 at 3:00 am

      Clapping and cheering.
      Word!

  85. Hauwa

    December 4, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    Where do I start? A MAN (OR WOMAN) DOES NOT COMPLETE OR VALIDATE YOU! BEING A MRS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A GREATER PERSON! THE GREATEST FORM OF RESPECT IS THE ONE YOU ACCORD YOURSELF FIRST! Girls, pls … develop yourself and stand on your own two feet – financially and emotionally, so that when you are being grossly disrespected in a relationship you can walk away with a high head and clean heart. Christianity is NOT meant to LOCK you in a bad relationship, it gives you strength to do the right thing.

    For the OP, it is good you are raising your nest egg, but WHY do you act to him that things are normal, even to the point of still having sex with him. Unless he is just your booty call (a girl has needs too!) Pls draw the line. Let him know that you will NOT tolerate being disrespected – or at risk of AIDS; move to another room at least. You cannot communicate effectively with GOD (ref to prayers) with so much bitterness in your heart, but if you don’t do something about your situation now, you will be bitter.

    You need to draw the line for him 1) for your self respect 2) for your children’s emotionally health – they are watching too 3) For your spiritual peace – even GOD himself whenever Israel sins – HE turns his back on them till they repents. On money matters – He already believe you have money stashed somewhere anyway, even if you didn’t! I will not give him the illusion that all is well, cooking, minding etc, when it isn’t. I will quitely with no fuss (and if need be with witnesses) state that HE WILL LOSE PRIVILEGES if he does not change. And if he does not, in the time that I strengthen my financial base, I WILL LEAVE HIM – gladly peacefully, knowing that I gave him a chance at redemption and gave it my my shot. May GOD give you peace and strength.

    AS for OTHERS reading – develop yourself financial emotionally careerwise and spiritually, so that you dont have to be at the mercy of ill treating spouses that have no regard for you (all in the name of being married).

  86. Man

    December 5, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Thank you jare, you have taken the words rite out of my mouth, with the way these women bash us u’d be tempted to think we were cheating on them with men.

    If we’re so bad, pls leave ! Simple. The signs of a cheating man are always on the wall, u are so occupied with being called a Mrs that you miss it, den now come and be crying foul, pls park, and park well.

    It’s mostly always about the money And financial security for women, see hw they’re all running to go and be saving cos he is nw cheating, u dnt knw u will save before ???? Msheew. ask them how much they contribute financially – zero ! Ask them if most of these men were not almost ready made, if not completely, before they met them, my take is if he buys and pays for everything, best believe he will feel entitled to getting some side ass.

    You can’t form vexing and leaving like oyibo people when things go sour and not be doing everything like them, oyibo people share responsibilities in half, mortgage oo, fees oo, even going out on dinner dates, take go Dutch all the way, let’s face it, dating most Nigerian men is un-oyibo, cos they pay for everything ! That’s the way they were raised, some were also raised to cheat, i dnt see any women coming here to complain that Nigerian men spend too much money on them.

    Pls you women always complaining should park, and leave these your cheating partners so we can hear word, I also know PLENTY good men who wont ever dream of cheating, but they’re not flashy, they’re mostly not fine, they’re mostly average Joes, ofcos they wont appeal to most Nigerian women. You cant eat your cake and have it ladies.

  87. Anonymous

    December 9, 2015 at 7:24 am

    While I sympathize and do not condone cheating by either sex, it’s important to note that a lot of women bring this upon themselves.
    It’s become so common to find a large proportion (alarmingly large) of single girls involved sexually with married men for material or emotional gains.
    Then what happens is that when these promiscuous and adulterous girls get married and become ladies and mothers, they become so hypocritical and start expecting other girls not to have their own share of their husbands.
    They don’t even realize how much torture and strife they instituted in the homes of other married women while they dated their husbands with reckless abandon.
    Those women suffered, their children suffered and their lives suffered. The little change that should have been given to those families were splashed out on the girlfriends.
    Some and most of this wives become praying women and curse those girlfriends and obstructions in their marriage. The single girls then grow to become married and start building their own homes and then: the curse is activated.
    I would not be part of any hypocritical thread of judge mental messages.
    Every woman should first start with a self assessment and identify without bias how she has possibly interfered in another woman’s home.
    Thereafter, true reconciliation and confession of sins would take place. God will definately show mercy.
    This is what I know many women are guilty of and it just comes back to haunt.
    You cannot be in a glasshouse and cast stones. He without sin should cast the first stone.

  88. ilamosi

    December 24, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    Marriage is tough so whatever decision you take will either make you or Mar you,s learn to live with d consequences of your decision. when you were reciting your vows, the officiating Minster said “for better or worse” babes you ve done d better Now dis is d “worse” part pls try to fix shit up. ………..Divorce is not an option except it threatens your life, everything is fixable with God.
    P.s I ve punctuation issues pls Manage.

  89. adeitunu

    January 16, 2016 at 11:20 am

    just reading this today and it just tears my heart the more. I am in something similar, but in this case, I am not the wife, I am the daughter, the first child. My mum has been suffering for long, no money of her own, the houses and cars are not in her name. During one of the arguments they had, he told her she was actually stupid for giving him all her money (she worked in Sheraton for 21 years and upon her retirement, she gave him all the money in building the first house of which her name is not in it) .He told her he owns all the cars. I had to ask her why she chose to marry him. And the best part he is a pastor. I always see different bank tellers of money he sends to different girls while cleaning his room, I’ve stumbled on some chats and messages too. Funny enough this thing led to his accident, yes the man I call father is paralysed neck down and my mum(the ever loving wife) is beside him, bathing for him, cleaning him up, she got him someone to take him to the office and carry him everywhere he goes and he has a driver, but he is still CHEATING, yesterday she caught him in a hotel with two girls. I am trying to shield my younger sister from finding out because she adores him but for how long, I am 24 and scared of my fiancee and even marriage too because I have known this since I was 8. He is doing well, for a paralyzed man, he is the pastor of the church, he can now go to work, to the extent of still meeting with his hoes but my mum needs to get up on her own, and in my young mind I don’t know how to help her, for her to still be in the marriage, I don’t think my mum is emotionally healthy.

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