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Loud Thinker: Does the Gender of Your First Child Matter?

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As the year is winding down, it is only right to reminisce about the events of the year and also to look forward to the New Year. The year has been amazing I cannot even lie. God has been sooooooo soooooo good as He always is. I have learned a lot about myself too and I am glad I am getting a deeper understanding of myself in my mid-20s.
Something else about the mid-20s is the idea or more like the pressure put on one’s self to have everything together. One thing I was shock to realize is how a couple of years can totally change my priorities. When you hit your mid-20s, the people around you also are accomplishing different things which could be exciting. For me, I have had lots of cousins and friends get engaged and married (eehmmmm keep reading. That’s not what the article is about). But one thing I realized this year is that the family is becoming even bigger (as if we are not plenty enough….. sheeessh we have our own facebook group just to communicate family news). I embrace it though, because I be mami pikin (not literally) but I love babies especially new-born babies.

So with all the babies around me, I have started becoming “baby hungry”. Yes I admit I am one of those women that want a family (I know it’s not for everybody). There’s no rush in my thinking but I just cannot wait for the right time to go through that miraculous process. Then I keep thinking, “Do I want my first child to be a girl or a boy or does it matter”? I don’t know why I ask myself this question anyway, but I will explain the thoughts that come to mind.

The first thought is that it does not matter. A child is a miracle and I will love the child regardless. If the child is a girl, I will spoil her so much. I will dress her like me and she will be my princess and… if the child is a boy, he will definitely be named after his father. He will be my prince and I will teach him how to love and respect women. Those are the thoughts that go through my head, but when I think deeper (shebi I be loud thinker) other thoughts begin to come up that make me doubt the “does it matter if the first child is a boy or girl” statement.

No one has ever told me this, but watching our African movies (Nollywood, Ghallywood) always gave me the impression that it is a really great thing to have a son as a first child. The in-laws always praise the wife for having a son, name the son after the father. When a girl is the first child, they are happy but not satisfied. They are still waiting for that son. Someone who will keep the family name going for generations. Someone who will take over his father’s assets.

Then there is a conversation that always resonates in my head. In one of my post-graduate classes, we were discussing the events of young black men being shot by the police. This brought on a lot of different opinions and a new fear that I never thought of. There was a lady in our class who was pregnant with a boy and she shared her thoughts with us. She said when she received the news that she was pregnant with a boy, a sudden fear came upon her. She was not happy. She told us all she could think about was hiding him from the world so that he would not be seen as a threat simply because he is black. After this conversation I talked to my sister, who has a boy, and she shared the same fear. She looked at the 6 month old baby while talking to me and she told me she wishes she could shield him from all the dangers especially this police shooting issue. The fear was so strong in them because we happen to live in one of the states where these shootings and riots occurred. So then my only solution was that when I have a son (whether first child or not) I am moving back home with him. I no go born pikin for American police. That’s a joke oh. I won’t move because I have a son.

Then, I come back to this pressure I feel with no force in sight. The thought of raising a son in the U.S is not a scary thought to me. Everyone has their opinion on the #Blacklivesmatter movement. The pressure for me comes from the fact that a male child is seen as…(add whatever word or phrase comes to mind). So whether a male child comes first, last or in between, I pray for healthy children and bind any in-laws that will come and give me a hard time in the name of “we need a male child”. Wicked in-laws shall not be our portion!

Does anyone else share or have been under this pressure/fear? Please share with us.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Sam74100

Loud thinker is an extension of a young woman’s conversations with people around her and the thoughts that come with it. She loves to tease people’s minds and sometimes think outside the box. On her spare time she loves to dance, work out and Netflix.

32 Comments

  1. dera

    December 10, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    I normally wish my first child will be a girl…so I will stop entering kitchen on time lol

    • koins

      December 10, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      What makes you think you can’t stop entering kitchen quickly if you have a boy first. This right here is the problem with the African mentality. That a boys place is not in the kitchen. I think that everyone gets hungry, everyone eats and so everyone should enter the kitchen because kitchen=food 🙂 God help us all

    • Las

      December 10, 2015 at 10:55 pm

      May God bless you for that comment. The struggle is real for the Nigerian girl child.

    • Orphelia hamletson

      December 10, 2015 at 11:58 pm

      Personally I dont mind if its a boy or a girl, its just that there is this notion that if its a girl you have 1st its prolly a love child or a child in a home filled with love

    • The real D

      December 11, 2015 at 12:24 am

      @ Orphelia, where is this notion from???? Me never hear that one before. Nigerians and our “notions”

    • Jay B

      December 11, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      I want twins; a boy and a girl. I’ve wanted this ever since I was 13 or younger. Now, I’m wondering if one will be able to give them (twins) the same amount of attention when they’re babies.

    • emma

      December 11, 2015 at 3:18 am

      Really??? *tilts head………….you sound like the type that would have a son like Mustapha Audu that raped Sugabelly. I’m sure if you have a daughter first, you’ll make her wash your sons clothes and do all his chores for him abi? My future husband and i will teach our sons how to cook and do other basic things that many Nigerian men don’t know how to do, after all cooking is a survival skill, why should I deprive my child of that? I’m so lucky to have men in my lives who are good cooks (including my dad) In fact i have already concluded that I will not marry any man that does not know how to cook,period. btw NIGERIAN WOMEN PLEASE STOP ENABLING YOUR SONS TO BE SEXIST. YOU PEOPLE ARE ENABLERS, THAT IS WHY WE HAVE SO MANY MEN WHO THINK OF WOMEN AS JUST OBJECTS THAT CAN BE USED ANYHOW.

    • JustME

      December 11, 2015 at 10:54 am

      I am the proud mother of a first Son who fills my home with love and helps me with chores. And he has taught his sister how to be tough. Boy first Girl First? Child na Child. I am teaching him how to cook small meals now cos he has to be the best husband in the world to someone someday.

  2. Chinny floxy

    December 10, 2015 at 10:16 pm

    All kids are good whether a boy or a girl, what matters is for God to give us healthy children. But having boys and girls brings more joy.

  3. teee

    December 10, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    I have always wished for a girl First. To play dress up and all.
    Now all I want is just a child. Dont care the gender. One to call mine and turn my weeping to joy. #thingilongthroatfor

    • Tosin

      December 11, 2015 at 4:06 am

      to be frank “one to call mine” is weird. you don’t own anybody. you don’t. no, you don’t.
      but it’s great that you would love to care for someone…

    • ElessarisElendil

      December 11, 2015 at 5:18 am

      “You don’t own anybody” Dude you’d best send this memo to Nigerian Mothers the world over, they’re yet to get it.

  4. bride2mum.com

    December 10, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    I have two girls and I am happy and very content, I wished before I checked the sex that the second would be a boy, heck even after I knew it was a girl but when she was born, she was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, she even came out pouting and right now I am just glad she is a girl. The reason why i wanted a boy though is not based on African culture at all, I just wanted a different sex because I had a girl already. I think I should even just post the story on my blog…lol

  5. Honeycrown78

    December 10, 2015 at 11:11 pm

    Okay, from reading your post it sounds like your preference is a female child? In my opinion, it doesn’t matter because there are so many pros and cons that arise in different stages of raising the child. I have come to the conclusion that the only important factor is the parent(s) willingness to raise a well balanced child, instilling good values and having a good relationship with him/her. If you can achieve that, continue to pray to God to give you long life & good health to raise the child. I’ve always wanted boys simply because I think they are easy to groom. And alas! God gave me boys.

    I have to say though that, you were ruining the topic by mentioning a lot of irrelevant issues. The entire 1st paragraph was unrelated to the topic. Then and you finished off with wicked inlaws matter. Please try and focus on your topic (Brevity is the soul of wit). Next week, you can write about Wicked in-laws.

    • CurvesAndEdge

      December 11, 2015 at 4:55 am

      Dude, did you even read the article? Comprehension is key too o.

  6. Aprillaugh.net

    December 10, 2015 at 11:16 pm

    Nothing beats having a healthy baby. That’s all that matters! The same way you nurture and train your boy-child is the same that applies to the girl-child. Stop this discrimination of gender and deciding the child’s faith before they are even born.

  7. Zsa Zsa

    December 10, 2015 at 11:55 pm

    As long as we as humans do not have the power to choose a gender or even create a child then it certainly doesn’t matter if your first born is male or female.
    A healthy child raised in a loving home is what matters, not if the child can carry your name for generations to come or if the child can cook and clean for you.

  8. busola

    December 11, 2015 at 1:57 am

    I can relate to this article,i have a baby girl and am trying to conceive again for a second baby but when people ask me that do I want a boy or a girl I tell them I’ll still love to have another baby girl before a baby boy.because if thus a colleague in the office told me it’s better I have a boy o cus I already have a girl as per African mentality,i told her to mind her business. Boy o girl o,what matters most is to have a healthy baby. My in laws and even my mother are both expecting a baby boy and I feel am under pressure,my mother in law keeps telling me to do sharp sharp,in fact she volunteers to babysit cus she want me and hubby to do the ‘do’,lol.i Don tire and my baby girl is just 14 months oo.God please help me.

  9. Tosin

    December 11, 2015 at 4:04 am

    1. main question : no
    2. fear violence : leave the US?
    3. comments – i’m grossed out. cooking and cleaning is why you’re “borning”? What a horror.

  10. alexfrizzle

    December 11, 2015 at 6:46 am

    Tosin my BN crush is at it again lol. What planet did you come from? LOVE your comments, as usual.
    I wonder why you can’t say you want a family without apologising to people that don’t. Political correctness is killing us!

    • doroanon

      December 11, 2015 at 11:47 am

      Alex oooooo Tosin is a guy ooo dont crush a guy likr u edakun

    • Tosin

      December 11, 2015 at 1:00 pm

      mmua.

  11. Puzzles

    December 11, 2015 at 8:04 am

    When I think i’ll like to have a female child, I remember the dangers and discrimination every girl-child faces and I get scared.

    When I think having a male child would be better, I remember the ALU 4 Victims and get scared again

    This world is a scary place to raise any child, God help us.

  12. zee

    December 11, 2015 at 8:12 am

    Whether boy o, whether na geh, it all boils down to upbringing. Dis days women are evolving, coming out, even retaining their father’s names. So its no big deal anymore once u and ur partner have this understanding. Besides, boys are also being sexually abused so there we have it….UPBRINGING, people.

  13. Chi

    December 11, 2015 at 8:28 am

    Whether you have a boy or girl first, be grateful. You’re here asking about gender preference wereas millions are out there praying and doing all they can to get just a child-any gender.

  14. Dark Damon

    December 11, 2015 at 8:59 am

    I prefer 2 hv a male child 1st…maybe cos I’m one but it’s a preference that has pro’ly been shaped by my life, custom or values but what’s important is that it’s my preference & everyone else has theirs albeit secretly. But don’t slam other ppl’s preferences or put them on a guilt trip cos sm oda ppl don’t hv children. Each to his own.

    1st time commenter

  15. Deep Soul

    December 11, 2015 at 9:19 am

    Nobody is saying you shouldnt be grateful regardless of gender.
    This question of sex is simply preference and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Even if you don’t get your preference, it doesn’t stop you from loving your child in the SAME manner. It’s not that serious jor!

    I always wanted my first to be a girl, not for any special reasons. And luckily, my first is a girl and my second, a boy. I love my set up!
    However, if I had had it any other way, I would have loved them just the SAME

  16. YUMMY CHICK CUM MUMMY

    December 11, 2015 at 11:32 am

    i always wanted a boy for my first child …..thinking he will be driving me to parties and church …lol.. and also be a big brother for his sisters ,now i v already given birth to a boy and m loving it……he feels so protective of me….imagine at a young age………… i will also like to have a girl as my second born. but i think i have a phobia to v a girl child cos of this wahala that women goes through , i wouldnt like her to v self esteem issues .hopefully their generation would be better in terms of maritAL issues….. and hey, let God’s will be done………all i want is for them to be heathly

  17. alexfrizzle

    December 11, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    Lol @doroanon .. You are assuming I am a guy…. tosin didn’t complain either lol..

  18. Kosi

    December 11, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    Let’s stop for a moment and think about ” boys carrying on the family name”. And so? Then what happens next? What is my long dead great grandfather gaining from my dad today? Or how has his name made life easier for my dad? Who says women can’t inherit family property?
    Abeg if you want to leave a legacy, give birth to the next mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela or Okonjo_iweala. Carrying on the family name my boots, with all the men causing high bp for their parents! Rubbish!

    • Chinco

      December 12, 2015 at 3:48 pm

      I love your comment a million times. Iv told my parents this several times… the legacy that lasts is a legacy that has influenced generations postively. A name means nothing, many people even change their names and people die without giving birth but names like Mandela, Obama etc transcend their time.

  19. mo

    December 11, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    Honestly I always a girl first and in recent times, your exact sentiments about a boy child helps to solidify your ‘credibility ‘ with in laws. Started to toy with my thoughts…. I’m open to everything from God though.

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