As the year is winding down, it is only right to reminisce about the events of the year and also to look forward to the New Year. The year has been amazing I cannot even lie. God has been sooooooo soooooo good as He always is. I have learned a lot about myself too and I am glad I am getting a deeper understanding of myself in my mid-20s.
Something else about the mid-20s is the idea or more like the pressure put on one’s self to have everything together. One thing I was shock to realize is how a couple of years can totally change my priorities. When you hit your mid-20s, the people around you also are accomplishing different things which could be exciting. For me, I have had lots of cousins and friends get engaged and married (eehmmmm keep reading. That’s not what the article is about). But one thing I realized this year is that the family is becoming even bigger (as if we are not plenty enough….. sheeessh we have our own facebook group just to communicate family news). I embrace it though, because I be mami pikin (not literally) but I love babies especially new-born babies.
So with all the babies around me, I have started becoming “baby hungry”. Yes I admit I am one of those women that want a family (I know it’s not for everybody). There’s no rush in my thinking but I just cannot wait for the right time to go through that miraculous process. Then I keep thinking, “Do I want my first child to be a girl or a boy or does it matter”? I don’t know why I ask myself this question anyway, but I will explain the thoughts that come to mind.
The first thought is that it does not matter. A child is a miracle and I will love the child regardless. If the child is a girl, I will spoil her so much. I will dress her like me and she will be my princess and… if the child is a boy, he will definitely be named after his father. He will be my prince and I will teach him how to love and respect women. Those are the thoughts that go through my head, but when I think deeper (shebi I be loud thinker) other thoughts begin to come up that make me doubt the “does it matter if the first child is a boy or girl” statement.
No one has ever told me this, but watching our African movies (Nollywood, Ghallywood) always gave me the impression that it is a really great thing to have a son as a first child. The in-laws always praise the wife for having a son, name the son after the father. When a girl is the first child, they are happy but not satisfied. They are still waiting for that son. Someone who will keep the family name going for generations. Someone who will take over his father’s assets.
Then there is a conversation that always resonates in my head. In one of my post-graduate classes, we were discussing the events of young black men being shot by the police. This brought on a lot of different opinions and a new fear that I never thought of. There was a lady in our class who was pregnant with a boy and she shared her thoughts with us. She said when she received the news that she was pregnant with a boy, a sudden fear came upon her. She was not happy. She told us all she could think about was hiding him from the world so that he would not be seen as a threat simply because he is black. After this conversation I talked to my sister, who has a boy, and she shared the same fear. She looked at the 6 month old baby while talking to me and she told me she wishes she could shield him from all the dangers especially this police shooting issue. The fear was so strong in them because we happen to live in one of the states where these shootings and riots occurred. So then my only solution was that when I have a son (whether first child or not) I am moving back home with him. I no go born pikin for American police. That’s a joke oh. I won’t move because I have a son.
Then, I come back to this pressure I feel with no force in sight. The thought of raising a son in the U.S is not a scary thought to me. Everyone has their opinion on the #Blacklivesmatter movement. The pressure for me comes from the fact that a male child is seen as…(add whatever word or phrase comes to mind). So whether a male child comes first, last or in between, I pray for healthy children and bind any in-laws that will come and give me a hard time in the name of “we need a male child”. Wicked in-laws shall not be our portion!
Does anyone else share or have been under this pressure/fear? Please share with us.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Sam74100