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William Ifeanyi Moore: So They’re Seeing Someone?

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A friend of mine was telling me about a girl he met the other day. According to him she was everything he ever imagined and then some. He described her as effortlessly funny, charmingly intelligent, and intoxicatingly alluring. I know right? I hadn’t even seen this girl and I was in love with her too.

They talked all night and just when he thought he was in there, she dropped the ‘I have a boyfriend line’. You know how ladies drop this line. It’s never straightforward, just some inferred line that coveys the information ever so slyly. Now when you consider that this girl was my friend’s spec to a fault, you can imagine his dilemma. Before he could help himself, he told her that he didn’t think they could be friends, even though they both seemed to have had an awesome evening just talking. He somehow still ended up taking her number and who knows where it would go from there.

If you’ve dated long enough, meeting someone you like that isn’t exactly available would be something that has happened to you a few times. There are three main options basically.

  1. You can count your losses and cut all ties immediately
  2. You stay in the wing and hope you get a break.
  3. Go full on attack and try to pull a snatch

Personally, if I like this girl well enough, I will have to go with option c. Now calm down now people, I get it, no one likes a home wrecker. But really, if you aren’t married, it’s a free for all. The notion that we shouldn’t attempt to steal other people’s partners is almost like saying we can call dibs on people. At the end of the day, if someone wants to stay, they will stay. Competition is even needed to get us to sit up. So yes, if you have a girlfriend I would suggest you treat her right, because there are guys like me around and we aren’t smiling.

A lot of people seem to think the best option is to wait in the wing and pray for a breakup to happen. No chance. That position automatically makes you an option, a spare wheel. You don’t want that for yourself. Just knowing that a person is available to us is enough validation to make us complacent about the person’s position. A lot of women find themselves in this place with guys already dating. Some even go as far as sleeping with the guy, hoping somehow they will be upgraded someday. To that I say why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. A lot of guys go through this in the worst way ever. The girl uses the guy to fulfill relationship needs her boyfriend isn’t providing. As is common with most men, this is usually along the line of conversation. We salute you in the friend zone.

The first option is the safest, so if you were thinking about self-preservation, this is for you. I guess it is always this option or option c for me, depending on how strong the girl’s juju is on me. One thing I will urge you never to be is a spare. It is always useless till it’s needed.

P.S Have you ever waited in the wing? Pulled a steal? Or just cut your loss quickly like a cancerous arm? The floor is yours.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Stefan Dahl Langstrup 

William Ifeanyi Moore is an MPharm graduate from the University of Portsmouth, UK. His true passion is in novels and poetry but he cheats on them with movies, plays, and music. He believes sacrifice and compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. His debut novel Lonely Roads is out on 10/12/2015. Blog: www.soulsyrup.space Twitter: @willifmoore Instagram: willifmoore

138 Comments

  1. adadad

    December 15, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    So exited about your new book william. can’t wait to read it 🙂

  2. Moremi

    December 15, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    Hey You,

    I’m available to be snatched 😉 Especially if you are as cute as you write!

    • Me

      December 15, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      Desperado…. I hope u’re just joking, stop trying to play little miss smarty pants we can all see from his bio that he’s good looking. Fine/rich men NEVER like cheap or easy girls (yes they might sleep with you but that’s it) When the heck will women ever get this. I’m not even a man and I know that…..**sigh**

    • Wow

      December 15, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      Yo CHILL!!!! Why would you go off on her over a little comment like that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman making the first move. How does anything in that sentence make her cheap or easy. She didn’t say anything that sounded desperate. jheeze, what a bitter individual. It’s the season of love, better allow some love into your heart. We women are our own worst enemy!

    • Fiona

      December 15, 2015 at 4:31 pm

      Chacha or his gf, I am sure moremi was just kidding, you know innocent flirtation, abeg like her comment like others or just move on..haba you took it too seriously, ewo ni rich men there now, is that in his bio too?

    • zeezee

      December 15, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      Bad belle dem pipo. Chill abeg, maybe you need a compliment to help you chill?

    • Blackcoffee

      December 15, 2015 at 6:02 pm

      The insult was uncalled for, take a chill pill…

    • Chinnie

      December 15, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      Ha!!! Why are you so angry? Is he your husband/boyfriend. Maybe you like him and you’re too proud to say it. Please stop being a troll. We all know he is a fine man. If she wants to flirt online, then so be it. Dont insult her. Please, stay on your own lane. Over sabi. I wonder when,women will stop behaving like this.

    • Addy

      December 15, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      You’re too serious kilode! Too much sense and analysis kills.

    • ifiiii

      December 16, 2015 at 9:15 am

      WHY SOOO PAINED!!!!!!! Calm the heck down

    • Tari

      December 16, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      Was it really that serious?
      You seem to be taking this blogging thing too serious.
      Please try and enjoy this merry season.

    • Dayo

      December 15, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      Hmm… That’s a huge indictment on the present ‘landlord’… But then I may be wrong… since your offer appears to be to writer alone I guess I can’t try my luck…

    • Somtoo

      December 16, 2015 at 9:07 am

      Ahn ahn. Moremi, this Dayo looks cute o. Leave william before his fans tear you to shreds and come find Dayo.

      I can like to matchmake! hehehehe

  3. Christian Sister

    December 15, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    Omg!!! I used to be an option 1 kinda girl till i recently met this amazing guy, like literally. Yes he has a girlfriend, and I knew I shoulda used my number 6 and kept it moving, but it was so hard. Like do you know what that feels like?! We both fought with it for what seemed like forever, and finally gave in. No this is not the happy ever after y’all are expecting cause he still has the girlfriend (you may as well just call me the side chick) but it feels good. We are like a couple but aren’t exactly a couple (sad face). No expectations, and finally having the time of my life I never had with any boyfriend in the past. But hey, if it ends today I have reasons to smile myself to bed cause it was goooooooooood while it lasted. Heck, its been great!

    • Jane Public

      December 15, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      we are expecting your Aunty Bella story in 3, 2, 1…………. It feels good now and you will want more and he will continue to make you feel good until you hear he has proposed. I will only “advice” if it was the other way around because you want to be the one a man wants and is willing to go in hard to snatch, rather than the other way around because whether we like it or not, the men hold all the cards in this marriage thing or maybe my view is skewered because Le Boo was the William type. The man went in on full attack, the kind to get on a plane because he was in a neighboring south american country to help me translate legal documents because my translator went AWOl and losing that contract could have cost me my job. That’s just one of many full on attack stories i can tell and will tell Saffron to watch out for because when a man wants you, you will never be in doubt. You having a boyfriend at the time is immaterial. My eyes cleared that day because current boo couldn’t even be bothered to pick you up from the airport, because getting a taxi is easy. Let him be the one to turn his life upside down to get you, because it could end in tears. If he leaves his girlfriend for you, you’ve just set yourself up for Karma to dish it out for you.

    • DD

      December 15, 2015 at 4:13 pm

      Gbammm!!!

    • Christian Sister

      December 15, 2015 at 5:14 pm

      LOL.

    • Psalm

      December 15, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      @Jane public, I’m not among the nicest guys around, but I can do for a chic what ‘Le Boo’ did for you. I’m sure I’ve done something similar or more tasking before. The person doesn’t even have to be my object of special interest. If you’re my friend and I have the means to do it, I’ll do it. But if the woman demands I do it in some ‘I am entitled/power of a woman’ style; … you’re on your own.
      On William’s options, I’ll go for ‘C’. That’s if I was really dazed by that ‘juju’ [doesn’t happen often, lol]; and provided the other guy is not a Drug Lord oh.
      Otherwise, option ‘A’ it is. Still friends, no hard feelings, but you’ll know I’m out. Life’s short, can’t waste it on the uncertainty and potential slavery involved in Option ‘B’.

    • The real D

      December 15, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      @ Ms. JP, I was just thinking about you and Saffron the other day, when I met someone by the name Saffron. It’s been a minute and then some.

    • Dee-longer-conversations

      December 16, 2015 at 9:49 am

      Jane Public, your story sounds great and I am glad you had a happy ever after.
      However, before people start using this as a benchmark, I just want to sound the gong (as is normal) that circumstances are soooooo different!
      If you were having “issues” (even if unconscious) before, the whole trip (boo) vs not picking you up (ex) might have just been a mere catalyst or the load that broke the camel’s back for you to seriously rethink your options. If you were wonderfully content with your ex, and it was normal for you to take a cab from the airport home on ur trips, current boo’s gesture might not have been sooo welcome and appreciated.

      Anyways, this is so controversial cos on one hand, it’s nice for a guy/girl to know what he/she wants, and put some effort into pursuing and waiting, but then there is a thin line between 1. doing that and allowing the man/woman to make a good decision; and 2. merely causing unrest where there was none, and successfully “snatching” someone, which may create distrust later. The writer believes its all fair until marriage, but then who is to say its still not fair after marriage. Especially with the popular liberal rhetoric of “do what makes you happy, life is too short, etc”. Imagine, when the flames of romance and excitement have cooled down in a 10-15yrs of marriage, and someone sees a perfect woman/man and pursues- thinking if she’s/he’s happy she will stay, if she’s/he’s not, she/he will come. Who knows what decisions may come out of that?

      Personally, I am one to flee from temptations. I don’t like testing myself because I know I am a broken, broken human being, and as much as I love and adore husband, who knows the level of pressure that might be needed to make me forget all of that to seek “to be happy, because after all life is short”?

    • Hadassah

      December 16, 2015 at 10:46 am

      Jane Public is Back!!!! “Now dancings Igbo cultural dance”
      How is Saffron btw….?
      Please send my hugssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss… tons of hugs and kisses!

    • adelemum aka adelegirl

      December 16, 2015 at 11:23 am

      @MzSociallyAwkward, yes o. I don born. Na bomboy I born. He’s going on 3months now. Been trying to figure out how this motherhood thing works jare, hence the scarceness on BN comments. I read but I no get power again to press computer. Thankfully I have resumed from ML and can now legitimately focus on other things apart from bomboy. 🙂

      @Jane Public aka Mama Saffron, hope the princess is doing great. Your comment resonated with me. So true. When I have my girl, I shall also tell her – don’t give yourself cheap Let the man show his working to get you. Don’t be with a guy who won’t even deign to come welcome/pick you up at the airport when you return to the country on valentine’s day after being together for donkey years and supposedly planning a life together. Of course he was busy romancing another girl. Silly coot. (I have sha forgiven you o Mr Ex).

      @ ChristianSister, you do well, inugo. Like JP said, we shall read your Aunty Bella post when it ends in tears and I shall read, point and laugh at your silliness for putting yourself in such a terrible situation. Where is your self esteem sef when you’re willing to be the side chick?

      And wrt to the post, I am an option A kinda girl. My self-preservation instinct is on fleek abeg. No time to waste time. I will let the person go. If it’s meant to be, then we shall meet again when we are both unencumbered.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      December 21, 2015 at 1:55 am

      @Adelemum, this is late but I’m glad to hear it. ? Praying bomboy continues to bring you plenty joy and the parenting sumtin seems to be a job which needeth no resume so na learning from now until he’s 18… All the best as baby’s very first Christmas approaches (exciting!) and may The Good Lord smile on you & yours.

    • Something_good

      December 15, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      I can’t stop laughing at your name and the content of your comment!!! Looool

    • Dayo

      December 15, 2015 at 4:30 pm

      Lol… At least you’re honest.. But you need to look around more though, there are lots of good guys out there. Don’t stay hooked to a fake dream till it’s too late.

    • Kay

      December 15, 2015 at 9:50 pm

      Someone get Dayo’s number pleeeease!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 15, 2015 at 11:42 pm

      Ngwanu, Dayo drop “ya numba” so we can sell your market. You better not underrate the power of the BN cupids, oh! ?

      @Jane, I cosign with @The real D… It’s been minute and I’m hoping your little one’s doing great and growing well and being an all round delight… Treasure this first year (take plenty of photos!) because they’re not little for too long. xx

      On the same subject, Adelegirl don born? I feel like she might have but my memory’s fuzzy.

    • Josephine

      December 15, 2015 at 6:50 pm

      You darling, are a ho.

    • adeanon

      December 15, 2015 at 11:45 pm

      cs

      He didn’t fight for ever. He is eating his cake and having it. Now I’m personally against the whole sidechic movement, But usually most of them know what they are getting into and have zero expectations. Sadly you sound like you are hoping this leads to more.
      Odds are stacked against you. Even if he leaves her for you, you’ve just created a vacancy.
      Go no contact with this man. Allow yourself grieve and then heal. I am just sad feeling how much pain you really are in from your words,
      You deserve better, you are better x

    • Shima Jay

      December 16, 2015 at 2:09 am

      You should change your name from Christian sister to Twisted sister. Selfish and insecure. Willing to be the side chick. Pathetic

    • Chi-e-z

      December 21, 2015 at 7:51 am

      @shima aha wetin girl enter ine chance love with aristo wey dey shak am properly. Free jor. Toast to all the gals in the sooo good club na una dey enjoy pass Its not everyday dey babes dey jam true love or atleast good knacking 😀

    • yeyeperry

      December 16, 2015 at 10:59 am

      Being a side chick no be am o. There comes a time in every girl’s life where you don’t want to share. Why waste time with this guy because u think he’s better than ur ex when you can have one man who will be yours and and even take care of you better than lover boy.
      When you eventually have your own boo how would you feel about a “side chick” sharing your man?

    • Tari

      December 16, 2015 at 9:15 pm

      Ihe nnukwu amu na eme!
      End of discussion.

  4. tracey george

    December 15, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    hey wilf,one day you will snatch KARASHIKA

  5. Zoey

    December 15, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    I didn’t want to comment but……

    Unrequited Love sucks!! uuuugh!! Found out about the guys engagement through instagram, shocked face!!!
    I am currently at the ACCEPTANCE stage …….

    • June

      December 15, 2015 at 7:00 pm

      Hugs honey . You will be fine sha

  6. martinson oluwaseun

    December 15, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    dude, I can totally relate…found myself in this situation a few months ago and it took eternity for me to decide between A and C…I eventually Chose C…funny thing is, now I don’t know if i’m doing C or B, or a little of both!

  7. Chidinma

    December 15, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    A guy who tries to pursue me even when he knows im in a serious relationship will be disqualified pronto. Reason: i can never trust u entirely. If u cant respect another person’s relationship, how will u respect ours and how can i trust that u wont go pursuing another babe right after? I dont know how people who cheat and then end up together do it. How can u trust each other? Unless ure the type that dont care if ur SO strays or not, but if u end up with someone who cheated to be with u, they will most likely cheat on u too once something goes wrong between u guys too (which is inevitable).

    • DD

      December 15, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      No, that’s not what he’s saying. He’s not talking about a guy that tries to get you to cheat on your boyfriend so that he can be the guy on the side. He’s talking about a guy that says (or rather, shows) that while he knows that you’re seeing someone else, he thinks he’s the one for you and wants you to recognize that and ‘do the needful’. (See Jane Public’s comment for an example).

    • Josephine

      December 15, 2015 at 6:52 pm

      So happy to see someone who actually uses their brain and not their genitals when making decisions.

  8. Spunky

    December 15, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    I met a young lady two years ago through a mutual friend. We got talking and she made me understand she was preparing for her finals and won’t be needing any sort of distraction. I could relate to that and so I gave her a long space…now she’s done with NYSC and happens to live in the same location as I. We recently hooked up and this time, she made it clear she has a bf but would appreciate we keep things kul. I am playing by the third option hoping things could change. Truth is, she’s worth it( though e no easy Ooo) with the phone calls and expepensive dates…I feel I’m getting there. I just hope when it all comes together, it should be worth it (y’all know what I mean.)

    • Rampage

      December 15, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      Nah man. Wrong way to go about it. Focus on any other thot (of comparable spec, not mgbeke) and casually let the original girl see how happy you make the thot. That way she’ll be more interested in you.

      STOP spending big on chicks you haven’t knacked yet.

    • red pill male

      December 15, 2015 at 10:41 pm

      Please tell these manginas. Any man spending money on a girl he isn’t sleeping with needs to have his head checked.

    • iyke

      December 15, 2015 at 6:10 pm

      @spunky …=..poor boy..so predictable.Either she’s just not into you or you are whimp!
      Receive sense!?

    • Somtoo

      December 16, 2015 at 9:17 am

      Chimooo. You dudes are harsh o.

    • Tari

      December 16, 2015 at 9:09 pm

      Hahahahahahaahah sha
      I don laff tire.
      If men can have side chicks why should women not have assistant boyfriends? This is the feminism Chimamanda Adichie has been preaching o.
      Dude enjoy your escortoyo role!!

  9. Bukky

    December 15, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    @christian . Lmao how long you guys bn dating ? If you’re still in the first 6 months , then you’re still around the honeymoon stage so heck what do you expect ?. You think he’ll leave his bbe for you? I hope you ain’t sleeping with him ? Lmao please come back to gist us.

  10. Ada

    December 15, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    Break up an existing relationship just to have another own equally meaningless relationship? No way!
    Break up an existing relationship because I feel I have met the bone of my bones and then go ahead and marry this bone? Yes way!

    Last words, I will not leave a good relationship to have another good relationship unless the next relationship is better intentioned and just plainly better than the previous relationship.

    By better intentioned, I mean the ring! And before y’all come at me with the Marriage is not everything, biko take my own choice into consideration, it is not everything BUT it is one of the things I WANT!

    • Chic

      December 15, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      Exactly!!!!

    • Jane Public

      December 15, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      You typed what i was going to type in response to Chidinma above. My husband was option C but he respected boundaries. He knew i was already seeing someone but told me i am clearly not happy because i didn’t talk about the boyfriend the way a woman should talk about someone she loved and he can change that and i am the one who he won’t let get away but he is willing to let it be my decision. I shrugged him off for the longest time until i started making comparisons. Like someone who hasn’t even kissed you yet is willing to drop everything where you are concerned and be there and “the boyfriend” while he was a good person mba mba mba. Work brought us together a handful of times, but we never like arranged clandestine meetings or anything of that sort. So yes, i gave up a somewhat good relationship for the best thing that ever happened to me but i didn’t just jump straight into his arms like that. Made him sweat it out a little while i enjoyed the chase. hehehehe.. The man should write a book in pursuing a woman because hot damn, nobody has ever made me feel that special in my entire life before, well apart from Daddy and he doesn’t count. That’s his job to do. Lol

    • Tt

      December 15, 2015 at 5:55 pm

      This is not about YOU, jeez. Rme
      Epistle 1 was fine, no 2 totally unnecessary. We get the message already ma’am. Some folks just can’t help making posts/comments all about them, bet why?!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 16, 2015 at 12:13 am

      The heck…?! You guys need to grow the bloody hell up, man. Some people on this page are clearly in situations where they’ve found a need to seek public advice. Others reading and coming from that same situation might decide to share personal experiences out loud for those seeking to take something from. So what’s the problem again? Expatiate, please if you don’t mind.

      And you know what gets on my very last nerve? People just acting like complete arseholes every damn time they’re online. What bloody rude eejits, like you didn’t come to BN in the first place to hear gist? So, as the gist no dey sweet you, you must shut up the person telling it?? AND YET… YET!!! … let it be a post on Toke’s marriage… nobody will be encouraged to stop oversharing or overspilling tea, Mbanu!! Not at all!!!! Please, bring more of that tasty gossip over here, for us to chop, clean mouth and add weight…

      Or not so?? Na lie I talk???

    • Olanna&Odenigbo

      December 16, 2015 at 11:48 am

      @Tt, you’re on your own oooo….

      Please this post is needed…don’t know about you, but I am currently faced with deciding between a good relationship that has shown me some serious things to think about, vs a new guy who I seem to be more compatible with in different regards- faith, career aspirations, good chemistry, and I am very comfortable n unusually bold with him…etc… I can easily look to him for advice in the areas that are going to be very relevant to me long term, he is also the option C kinda man and has been understanding of this place I find myself…… In my case, he came at a shaky time with current boo… trust has degenerated from my discovery of a pattern of seeking attention of other chics I know, anytime we have issues…we were just getting through a season of him being cold when I discovered he had spent the cold period professing love to another friend we share, who turned him down… I tire! …how can I trust that he isn’t back cos she turned him down??? in addition, he is young, and less experienced in life generally…. aside from this, he tries a lot to be helpful and kind, and is making a lot of effort to win me back, but I fear my love might have peaked too soon or is still afraid and I cant help feeling really discontented…like there should be more!…

      So here I am faced with staying with current or giving Mr. New a shot…. Personally I don’t wear rose coloured glasses about this matter…I know Mr new may well decide to eye other girls later, or have other issues that time will reveal, but I somewhat feel ready for whatever comes…..so its not about me perceiving greener grass…but reality is, he gives me more to think about in the areas that matter to me… and even if he left the picture today, I am still not in the mood to rush back where I’ve been… sooo….how we wan do am…

      @MzSA you spoke my mind well!

    • DD

      December 15, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      I agree.

  11. Mercee

    December 15, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    I am in this situation presently…in fact its causing me sleepless nights and making me sad.met a dude i liked so much, everything was ok until he told me he had a girlfriend.My heart sank that day.I should have jejely opted for option 1 and cut ties not until I went to his house and he kissed and touched me in a way no guy has ever done(no sex though).I became stuck on him not until dude says he is travelling out for a few weeks.he started withdrawing and acting up, instead off me to get the message and move on.I sent him a nasty message about his behaviour and dude gets very angry.

    Been begging and apologising for what I said, he just reads my messages and doesn’t reply, calld him, he doesn’t pick.He came back recently unannounced, went to beg at his place, yet all to no avail.right now i dont care anymore cos i Know he won’t leave his babe for me, all i want I is for him to make love to me. Something is wrong with me right? Maybe I need help

    • biols baby

      December 15, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      girllllll trust me you will feel worse after he makes passionate love to you. you know why? the sex will increase your feelings while he will act not bothered and wont even cuddle you or make you feel special and that will so hurt youuuuuu and you will cry and cry and feel stupid and then say as usual he broke your heart. so to avoid this do the needful and stay away unless the love making will be worth the pain you will feel in your heart in months.

    • DD

      December 15, 2015 at 4:34 pm

      Good advice.

    • Ojj

      December 15, 2015 at 5:45 pm

      Spot on. Sex or love making is a bond actually and a very hard one at that. Now the sex is not involved you can easily move on.

    • Zeeebby

      December 15, 2015 at 4:32 pm

      HAAABAAAA…..AUNTY…NA WA OH. THEN U GET PREGNANT AFTER THE PANSH AND RUIN ANOTHER WOMAN’S HAPPILY EVER AFTER

    • Ojj

      December 15, 2015 at 5:42 pm

      You need to run with your heels touching your back. I’ve been there and can tell you from experience that the after result is very bitter. Truth is women feel the hurt more in a broken relationship Dan d men. The dude had d guts to come to me days after marrying his girl to confess love but couldn’t break up with d oda girl cuz of the promise he made her. That story is for another day but sweetheart plzzz run and never look back.

    • Ifeyinwa Mic

      December 15, 2015 at 8:52 pm

      Your first sentence had me in stitches. Aaah the imagery! LOL

    • j

      December 15, 2015 at 6:56 pm

      are you okay.. common stop that nonsense and move on with your life!!!! silly rabbit!!!

    • The real D

      December 15, 2015 at 7:23 pm

      @ Mercer, get a big teddy bear and a vibrator and you will be alright. Sho!!! But why??? Your feelings are just as important if not more so, a dude treats you like you pretty much don’t exist, and you probably don’t in his sphere and you still want him stick his “business” up your “situation”. Is that supposed to make you feel better????. You need to realize that you deserve to be loved and respected and don’t settle for less. Guys will respect you more when you not only realize this but begin to live it out.

    • Penny

      December 15, 2015 at 8:05 pm

      My dear take dis from me, it won’t end well. Just have some self respect and let him go. I met a guy exactly 1yr ago, I thot things were going well,but I noticed he had an anger problem. Any little argument he won’t speak to me for 2wks, smtimes 1mth. I would beg, plead, call,he won’t pick up. I’ll send him bb he’ll read and not respond. Even on my bday he didn’t call me,bcos we had a lil argument a day before. My dear at dis point we haven’t even started relationship persay o. My friends knew he was bad news from d start, but I didn’t want to let go. My main issue was even with definition of d relationship. Nigger wanted to sleep with me from get go but I said no, till I finally gave in 3mths in. My problem was definition of d rltshp, he claimed he wanted us to build a friendship 1st and see where it goes. While sleeping with me. 1yr in I had to give myself brain. I’m 30, we’ve known eachoda for 1yr, had sex and ur still talking friendship. You don’t want to give me a commitment and u expect sex, and when I don’t give in u say u can’t handle not being physical with me. I don’t call him, don’t send bb him, nothing. He was shocked when I started ignoring him, came round to see him, I was cold. He’s gotten d idea now and Iv let him be. He’s suspected Iv met someone else. Which I have. My dear just respect urself and let this guy go. He’s not worth it. It took me 1yr, but Iv forgotten all about him. Someone worth your time and love will come ur way. Don’t loose ur self respect over this man.

    • kemmie

      December 16, 2015 at 7:56 am

      Ladies, when a guy says “lets just see how it goes” RUN!!!!!!

    • Rani

      December 16, 2015 at 10:33 am

      @ Penny, this is eerily similar to what happened to me…..sheeesh. Same guy maybe?

    • Omolola

      December 16, 2015 at 3:03 am

      Nah! You need a Rest Slap!

    • Omolola

      December 16, 2015 at 3:03 am

      *reset

    • kemmie

      December 16, 2015 at 7:49 am

      Girl, you better dust your slippers and Run!…..Jesus did not die on the cross for you to be a side piece…Hell N to the O!….When its not like they are selling akara on your head..Wake up girl!!! receive sense!!!….Close this door and keep loving yourself….A good man would come and sweep you off your feet in no time…You are a strong beautiful woman & no man deserves to disrespect you girl.

    • Nicks

      December 16, 2015 at 9:37 am

      OK let me do this cos you obviously need help. Been there ooo. Done that. The dude was in a relationship and pursued me like perfume scent, the aboki type that just cant wash off. The sad thing was i was in a bad place and just been heartbroken. He became boyfriend and bestfriend at the same time. i just needed that and i went all in.

      With sex comes complications and more feelings and i fell for the dude hard. I told him i loved him and the goat openly said he was in a committed relationship with the girl and they were even gonna move in togther,. Apparently she is a very busy girl, divorced and he too is divorced so he feels they both had similar experiences and had no unrealistic expectations of marriage.

      I wanted to faint. 2 heartbreaks in 3 months. i was just confused cos why pursue a girl, treat her like a queen just for what exactly? Like you have so much energy, time and money to spare? Men, the entire thing left me confused cos i assumed he wanted to leave her for me. I didnt pursue him, he did. I cut off all ties and walked away.
      Just like dejavu, just as i started typing this epistle, dude is sending me messages and calling me darling after 4 months of getting him outta my life. Una follow me see gobe?

      Anyways darling, until this dude explicitly opens his mouth and says baby girl, its you i want. Backs it up with action and proof that the girl is out of his life cos it wasnt werking for genuine reasons o not just cos he is an asswipe and a cheat, you better flee. He better have ended the relationship before he comes knocking on your door.

      Goodluck

    • Rani

      December 16, 2015 at 10:27 am

      Nah Mercee, you don’t , you need a vibrator or someone else to help you get him out of your system.

    • Enn

      December 16, 2015 at 7:28 pm

      Wow..in all ur considerations u didn’t even think once of his girlfriend, dat’s really selfish sha.

  12. ara

    December 15, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    hmmmm…christian sister, no comments.

  13. marves

    December 15, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    I met someone like that exactly a year and one week ago ( I swear that’s the exact time frame). Was crazy about her and stuff. Could go to the moon and back, dared the ebola sojas in camp for her, jump food queue for her, you know the drill. Until one day she let it slip that I was an option, a side dish. ME! A SIDE DISH. Hell no , my mom did not raise me to be a side dish, I did not raise myself to be a side dish. I have come too far in life for that. You know what I did?
    If you think its cool to encurage someone, all the while keeping them as a plan B just remember that the same author who coined the saying “hell hath no fury…. “. Also wrote that “heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned”

    • biols baby

      December 15, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      plix tell us what you did

    • marvellous

      December 15, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      I have too much respect for myself to be a plan B. I checked out sharparly. Else that’s the easiest route to serious arifin.

  14. Someone'sMissingRib

    December 15, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    I’m single..not waiting to be snatched but to be seriously taken! Lol

    • Dayo

      December 15, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      Noted…. Is there a discrete means to share contacts here?

    • Someone'sMissingRib

      December 15, 2015 at 6:01 pm

      Maybe u should drop ur email address.

    • Tomisin Magz

      Tomisin Magz

      December 16, 2015 at 8:17 am

      Really!!!! BN, please create this forum. We the single ones need it…thanks.

    • Pointman

      December 15, 2015 at 10:12 pm

      I am going to jump into the fray. [email protected]

    • Dayo

      December 28, 2015 at 3:11 pm

  15. Sisi Eko

    December 15, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    lol! @ Christian sister… covering my face in shame cos i am in the exact same situation. He is still seeing the girl but it’s so much fun hanging out with him. I used to feel guilty a lot (still do a times) but we get along so well and spend so much time together that i don’t even remember the other girl.

    • Christian Sister

      December 15, 2015 at 5:17 pm

      Hi 5 sister! I totally get you.

    • M4

      December 16, 2015 at 3:04 am

      you and so called ‘Christian sister’ are confused being….Just keep doing what you are doing!, only time will tell.You both still gonna come back here lamenting how men are evil,wicked,heartless etc……You women are your own worst enemy..#fact!

  16. Adaeze Writes

    December 15, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    Hmmm….I will definitely go with option C if I were a guy because some couples were actually dating other people before they met eachother. And yes, it helps to set the supposed bf on the right track especially if he’s not been treating his girl right.

    adaezewrites.com

  17. Dayo

    December 15, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    I waited on the wings…. and lost.

    • Confuzzled

      December 15, 2015 at 5:57 pm

      Awww dust yourself and try again. You’ll get there. I’m rooting for you!!

    • biols baby

      December 16, 2015 at 12:11 pm

      @ Dayo plix here is my email joor [email protected]

  18. Sola

    December 15, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    William Moore, since we both went to the same university, do I qualify to ask you out on a date? lemme know (insert cheeky wink).

    • Queen of Everything

      December 16, 2015 at 2:50 pm

      Sola, I went to Portsmouth Uni as well… I’m not throwing my hat in the ring though because I’m off the market, however I would love to see an alumni wedding!! #NoPressure

  19. hmmmm

    December 15, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    A man who would go all out for you when you are in a relationship is someone I would be VERY wary of. Principles remain irrespective of feelings. Speaking from experience.

  20. Love

    December 15, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    Well well well, iv been someone’s plan B unfortunately. And for a year I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend in his base. We were long distance, but we spoke like 3times a day, bb 1st thing in d morning, call at work, call after work, before bed etc. I actually found myself crying one day bcos I was listening to ‘At last’ by Etta James, after just visiting him on the flight back (infact that was my wedding song in my head). I thot I had finally found my Mr Rite. We talked about marriage, kids, right form the beginning, everything was great. We saw each oda atleast 1nce a month. I met his family, he met mine . This was the first time I was in love. Planned my wedding in my head, even knew exactly what dress I wanted to wear.
    One year in, he started acting funny, calls reduced, visits reduced. Still yet my brain couldn’t fathom he could cheat on me. So when I got a call from a friend in another country and I was told my boo had done introduction with another chick and was getting married in 3mths.
    Off course I said it wasn’t possible, and he denied it for a mnth, till he cldnt again.
    I died and woke up a million times. My story is for another day……….

    • DD

      December 15, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      Ugh. Awful guy. The lying and denying is so cowardly. Why?

    • FemaleEngineer

      December 15, 2015 at 6:24 pm

      @ LOVE
      My goodness, my heart goes out to you because i know EXACTLY how you feel. I was pretty much in the same spot except we didn’t “date” up to a year and there were no promises made. He didn’t tell me about his gf until i had already fallen for him! shit hurt like a bitch!! a whole me an involuntary side chic? me?? i was stunned. I swear there was NO CLUE of another girl in the picture. Dude spent all his time with me.. sigh.. Its been 4 months since i cut all ties completely (it actually took 5 months to gradually end things before i walked away completely)
      It still hurts till this day and honestly ive lost faith in “love” but God dey..

    • Josephine

      December 15, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      When karma deals with that man even you will pity him. Sorry you had to go through that.

    • biols baby

      December 16, 2015 at 12:02 pm

      pele love i know how you feel that same thing happened to my friend only that hers was i dont even know to explain it. a friend ran into her at the saloon and hugged her wishing her congrats asking when aseobi is coming out and the only thing that got out of her mouth is BUT I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED! Yesso thats how my darling friend got to know that bobo has engaged someone else.

  21. Love

    December 15, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    From what iv been told, I hear there is no such thing as a single guy. Either they are in a relationship or on their way out of one. Definitely they must have a chick warming their bed. So iv been told.
    I was one of dos girls who never believed that notion. But I truly don’t know what I believe regarding guys again. Once a guy tells me smthn, its entering one ear and coming out d other.
    Even if you tell me ur single, I can believe it when you are there with me. But once you are out of my hemisphere I believe nothing you tell me, I will just nod and hmmmmm, ok.

    • jkay

      December 16, 2015 at 9:15 am

      you have trust issues u need to fix that for a lifetime of peace and happiness

    • hohoho

      December 16, 2015 at 12:09 pm

      she doesnt o some guys/babes lie for africa we had a church prog imagine asking are you single or there is one lurking around (meaning you are semi single) and has not said yes or you are in a relationship. Is it not suppose to be single i a relationship or married? but semi single has been introduced now
      some pple will tell you they are single whereas they are semi single some will say single whereas they are in a full relationship.
      my question is why lie from the beginning? tell the babe/dude the truth and if she/he still agrees to be 2nd best since the mumu button has been activated then OYO is their case.

  22. Elohor Henrietta

    December 15, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    Hmmmm………..

  23. MB

    December 15, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    ….Single ladies in the house, please help @Dayo….he’s been dropping very suggestive comment…

    • DD

      December 15, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      Shebi people have been suggesting that BN start a dating/matchmaking thingy for a while now. Would be nice but I guess BN is concerned about the risks….

  24. berry

    December 15, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    Lol there’s really no such thing as a single guy!

  25. marvellous

    December 15, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    @biols baby . My friend I checked out sharparly. Too much respect for myself o. Else hanging around is the easiest route to konfam arifin.

    • biols baby

      December 16, 2015 at 12:14 pm

      loooooollll

  26. dupsy

    December 15, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    The crazy thing about bin a side chick is that, u find it hard to leave d relationship cos the dudes are usually terrific in certain ways that are just out of this world.

    • Penny

      December 15, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      My dear crazy thing about being a side chick is even “knowing you’re a side chicks “Many females r clueless they are sef.

  27. Someone

    December 15, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    Going for C is potentially dangerous. You’ll forever be watching your back hoping someone doesn’t pull a steal on you as well. Plus, wouldn’t you prefer she ends one relationship properly before moving on to the next? It’s evidence of strength and contentment, which everyone needs for a solid long term relationship. Assuming that’s what you seek of course.

  28. whatwillbewillbe

    December 15, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    Option A is the safest option and the one I will more often than not stick with. However if I truly truly truly like the guy and he is not married, mehn, I would go for Option C without looking back.
    Now I don’t think option C is a snatch, I will not drag a person out of a relationship, but I will show you that there is a better option available, so you need to open your eyes and end that relationship and start and enter into one with me. If you choose to go this route though, you should have it at the back of your mind that it may not work out and be ready to cut your looses.

  29. ...just saying

    December 15, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    Ifeanyi, with your Mphram, na only woman matter aaaaaaallll the time? Hian!

  30. poison ivy

    December 15, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    I love myself too much to be a Plan B,
    If your man is adorable, better hide him from me when I come around, coz I no dey for “his engaged or seeing someone “.
    I’ll catch, snatch and erase your prints.

    • Josephine

      December 15, 2015 at 7:15 pm

      Aww, and just when you’ve settled down in marriage with a kid or 2, someone who finds your husband adorable will catch, snatch and remove your prints.

  31. Mercee

    December 15, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    @Dayo….can you pls drop your contact?hehehehe

  32. Tosin

    December 15, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    gray is good. no need to own people anyway.

  33. DIddy

    December 15, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    That is why you are poison ivy, just take am easy hehehe

  34. peejay

    December 15, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    I checked out….lotsa free fish in d sea..jez need to wait for mine.all this useless boys been playing wiv emotions like ball since 1942

  35. lol

    December 15, 2015 at 8:06 pm

    Yo! Bella Naija hook @Dayo up. It’s the year to seize the bae, the year is not over help him seize a bae.

  36. A girl gotta try

    December 15, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    @dayo, you can email me on [email protected]. *coversface*

    • Babe

      December 15, 2015 at 9:09 pm

      Why are you covering your face? You better put your hands down and proceed with eyes wide open 🙂 All the best.

    • Kezhia

      December 15, 2015 at 11:51 pm

      ohhhhhhhhhh!!! GET IN. You go girl no shame in your game.

  37. penny

    December 15, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    BN bia you guys should do a match making post one of dese days. Some people looking for love, and some just platonic friendships. Maybe ppl in lonely cities could hook up, be friends. Even bored housewives cld hook up with fellow yummy mummies.

  38. pearl

    December 15, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    @ love *hugs* it’s well. God will giv U a good man. Cheer up cos he saved U from future sorrow nd Pls forgive nd keep an open heart so dat God can heal U nd giv U urs. Girls dis days I dnt even know wat to say. A guy will tell U he is in a relationship nd u will still put head thinking u will tie him with pregnancy, I pity U cos he will jst use U nd dumb U. Where his heart is dat is where it is. So for Christian sister ur heart break wnt be here. U are great value so dnt settle for less. Get a hold of urself nd move on.

  39. jay

    December 15, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    There is definately to such thing as a single guy.

  40. Koffie

    December 15, 2015 at 10:32 pm

    I can’t deal abeg, if a guy is emotionally unavailable, I’m running away to shelter where I may or may not bawl my eyes out. Imagine if his girlfriend is one of those type Nollywood projects, the type that will arrange with friends to beat you up and embarrass you. I’d love to be chased and wooed till my head spins, I’m not much of a chaser. I’ve seen the lengths men can go when they’re in love and that’s why I’d rather not do the chasing. If I chase a man and catch him, I’d be bored like in 2 minutes, Lol.

  41. Nowa

    December 15, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    Trust me!!! I’ve been there. The guy told me initially that he had a gf but I still went ahead to date him. 5 years later.. he’s married with a kid to another (not the gf he was dating while we were dating) woman. Life & it’s twists!!

  42. Spunky

    December 15, 2015 at 11:20 pm

    @iyke; valid point though. Whether it happens or not, I enjoy her company’s and intuition tells me I’m almost there… forget this grammar jor, Deltans no dey carry last. Lol!

  43. Spunky

    December 15, 2015 at 11:31 pm

    @iyke; I concur( not the whimp part though) lol! Seriously, it’s sometimes therapeutic when you get to chase after the woman of your dreams. We can’t win all the time so I’m playing kul while on the reserved bench. No be today we grow bro…

  44. tega

    December 16, 2015 at 1:01 am

    ANY MAN OR WOMAN THAT TRIES TO SNATCH ANOTHER PERSON’S WOMAN OR MAN SHOULD REMEMBER THAT WHATEVER YOU SOW YOU SHALLREAP…..AND THEIRS WILL BE MORE PAINFUL WHEN IT HAPPENS TO THEM….A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE

  45. Asher.

    December 16, 2015 at 2:37 am

    BN administrators why don’t you peepu like to hia word like diz… Since dah we haff been azzkking for a BN match – making somezing, yet you guys have just been looking at us as if our mouths are smelling with iru and fresh onions….. Aleeaze you should be able to do something to help us.

    I really enjoy the rich blend of characters, opinions and personalities that always always liven up this comment section – I hardly ever open an article (in relationships) if I don’t see above 50 comments tailing it. You guys are always fun to read… Eheeeeeen who was that sad fellow that was talking about something something that the replies were getting too long….. Mtscheww – If I were a girl I would have rolled my eyes at you with the statement – BITCH please!.-You’re probably a Chelsea fan- You’re just transferring anger.

    By the way…. I make for really good company (very witty with an 8/10 sense of humor). I’m single and I would really love to be friends
    with a lady that makes me feel as good talking to her, as I know I would make her feel good talking with me

    Caveat :Please oooo I’m not willing to get married in 2016… So if you’re marriage hungry – abeg face forward. However I know I’m too “old” to start jumping from girl to girl.

    [email protected].

  46. banky

    December 16, 2015 at 9:46 am

    I’m thinking about option C..there is girl that gives me chills literally anytime I see her..she’s in my faculty in school but I checked her IG and she’s been in a long distance relationship for 4 years..wow..that’s a lot..I myself..I’m on the verge of dating a girl I really like but I’m not so sure again..do this 2016 I’m determined to try option C on the girl..imma try my all…sigh..abi what do you think

  47. biols baby

    December 16, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    This one bn is approving comments with email addresses single peeps berra take the opportunity oooo

  48. Tari

    December 16, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    Hello Ifeanyi,

    I may have been one of those who were hard on you in that Netflix post. I get very agitated around any rape relats d issue and for that I refuse to owe an apology. However, let me take this opportunity to applaud you for being a good writer. Your fun breezy writing style is highly appreciated as is evident from this post beig discussed herein.
    Wishing you and yours a merry Christmas.

    #cleanfunandenjoynent

  49. Vann

    December 16, 2015 at 10:58 pm

    This dayo guy, i dey suspect you o. Concerning the post, whatever makes you happy do so as long as you’re sure that you’re not intentionally hurting someone else. Meanwhile, there are some people that hurt you so much that are not worth your time and emotions/energy. God bless us all!

  50. Miranda

    December 18, 2015 at 10:03 am

    My story: I had just finished praying one of the longest prayers ever for a partner 🙂 , and i decided to take a walk around my neighbourhood unsuspectedly, then a voice called out to me. I looked towards the direction where this call was coming from and then i saw him. Way too gorgeous for a man and for words, Physically everything i have ever hoped for in a partner but never actually sure someone with this specifications existed. The weird thing is, there was a sudden calm in my spirit, and a serenity in the air after i set my eyes on him, something i have never experienced before. Anyways, I just said “hi back” and gave my best smile and hoped that would suffice for the fact that i was not going to stop, wait for him to walk any further towards me and totally embarrass myself by showing how smitten i was. I had hoped that we would someday meet again when i am not taken by total surprise. After that day, i would see him once in a while, he would say hello and i’ll say hi- back, and walk past as fast as my legs could carry because my heart would suddenly start beating so fast (one time my hands got shaky..lol) and i did not understand what the heck was going on. Like i said, all of these has never happened to me and i am in my late twenties. I am a very attractive woman (not to toot my own horn) and have never been the one to seek for attention cos i get lots, so i do not know how to give the “green light”..lol.. My female intuition, tells me he really “likes” me (judging by the way he looks at me and some other situations – too long for this post ..lol) but i do not know how to reciprocate this. This guy, other than being from a different culture, he appears to be polite, slow and steady; and i am used to the Nigerian alpha male, take the bull by the horn (Option C guys). Months and months down the line, i was walking around our neighbourhood and he was walking out of his home with a lady, then he nervously greets me. The next time i saw this lady, i (tried to) smile at her but she looked at me kind of intimidated. Long story short, i think they both live together now, most likely in a relationship. It hurts soo bad. Sometimes i regret back to the first day thinking i should have responded, stopped and talked regardless of my nerves. Heaven knows i tried, so I have decided to let it go. Que sera sera. Taking option A, i got too much respect for myself and my sanity to go for option B nor C.

  51. temi

    December 26, 2015 at 7:20 am

    I think that we would save ourselves from certain emotional distress if we told ourselves the truth more often and realize that we are more than we think. #selftalk
    temisigns.com

  52. Dayo

    December 28, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    Wow!….You guys right here are an amazing set of people. I guess I came back too late, but nonetheless, my email is [email protected]
    Cheers.

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