While I am not a believer in love at first sight, I am sure a strong believer in connection at first chat. The question is what we should do with this connection. In a world where loneliness is so rampant, thanks to the isolation brought about by individualistic societies, it is only normal that a lot of us go through bouts of loneliness and the depression it can come with. Ironically, the pressures on our partners to cure this loneliness have never been higher, functionally and emotionally. To make sure our partner has the best chance at understanding what is expected of him or her, we subconsciously seek out people that we think are like us, and we do this by comparing worldviews and taste. For example if I met a girl that liked books, had an interest in art and literature, a taste for adventure, liberal views on just about everything…you get the drift, I would most likely have an instant connection over one conversation with her.
While this is a good sign, it can also be just an illusion. It is the most human thing to project other people to be how we want them to be, which is basically a version of them that meets most of our expectations. Sometimes we get to know this person and find out that while me might agree with them on religion and politics, they have a temperament we cannot stand or a habit of over flogging arguments, or a spirit that cannot forgive. As the world shrinks daily with connectivity, it is only normal that we would run into more people we have a connection with. Lord knows there are girls on my Instagram I am distantly absolutely in love with. But we can’t be out there chasing after everyone that sparks our interest.
This connection feeling might appear to be a minor problem until you find yourself in a relationship realizing someone is nothing like you expected. The reason people are scared to commit is because it limits our options and defines our future. Every choice we make closes another option and for a partner, one choice closes every other option. Hitting off this connection with someone else, especially when our relationships are rocky can be very distracting. For singles, it becomes impossible to develop any one relationship when you are talking to five different people you share a connection with because there just simply isn’t enough time to share your attention.
Learning to understand how fickle this idea of a connection can be and not getting carried away by it can be one of the most important lessons in emotional intelligence. Sometimes you just have to admire a flower and leave it there. Not all fruits are for the eating.
P.S Have you ever met someone and thought you were in love just about one conversation? Tell us about it.