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William Ifeanyi Moore: When You Feel That Buzzing Connection at First Chat

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While I am not a believer in love at first sight, I am sure a strong believer in connection at first chat. The question is what we should do with this connection. In a world where loneliness is so rampant, thanks to the isolation brought about by individualistic societies, it is only normal that a lot of us go through bouts of loneliness and the depression it can come with. Ironically, the pressures on our partners to cure this loneliness have never been higher, functionally and emotionally. To make sure our partner has the best chance at understanding what is expected of him or her, we subconsciously seek out people that we think are like us, and we do this by comparing worldviews and taste. For example if I met a girl that liked books, had an interest in art and literature, a taste for adventure, liberal views on just about everything…you get the drift, I would most likely have an instant connection over one conversation with her.

While this is a good sign, it can also be just an illusion. It is the most human thing to project other people to be how we want them to be, which is basically a version of them that meets most of our expectations. Sometimes we get to know this person and find out that while me might agree with them on religion and politics, they have a temperament we cannot stand or a habit of over flogging arguments, or a spirit that cannot forgive. As the world shrinks daily with connectivity, it is only normal that we would run into more people we have a connection with. Lord knows there are girls on my Instagram I am distantly absolutely in love with. But we can’t be out there chasing after everyone that sparks our interest.

This connection feeling might appear to be a minor problem until you find yourself in a relationship realizing someone is nothing like you expected. The reason people are scared to commit is because it limits our options and defines our future. Every choice we make closes another option and for a partner, one choice closes every other option. Hitting off this connection with someone else, especially when our relationships are rocky can be very distracting. For singles, it becomes impossible to develop any one relationship when you are talking to five different people you share a connection with because there just simply isn’t enough time to share your attention.

Learning to understand how fickle this idea of a connection can be and not getting carried away by it can be one of the most important lessons in emotional intelligence. Sometimes you just have to admire a flower and leave it there. Not all fruits are for the eating.

P.S Have you ever met someone and thought you were in love just about one conversation? Tell us about it.

William Ifeanyi Moore is an MPharm graduate from the University of Portsmouth, UK. His true passion is in novels and poetry but he cheats on them with movies, plays, and music. He believes sacrifice and compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. His debut novel Lonely Roads is out on 10/12/2015. Blog: www.soulsyrup.space Twitter: @willifmoore Instagram: willifmoore

20 Comments

  1. Ify

    December 1, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    I can totally relate to dis, Dats y I don’t answer DM dis days,Lool, how many guys will I connect to at once? Especially dose Yoruba guys dey can mess with someone’s mind u begin to really like them till u finally meet dem, then u realize dat not all fine guys are fine, lol not all connections are good

  2. Misschi

    December 1, 2015 at 8:10 pm

    Gbam! Preach on brother, and thank you for making it plain as day.

  3. BlueEyed

    December 1, 2015 at 8:14 pm

    I can relate too! Those folks that you just connect on chat and emotions are heightened. But then again, more times than often, it’s the dudes I seldom connect with on chat that I end up going long term with, some dudes can say it all behind their key pads but cannot connect with you in person.

  4. Tosin

    December 1, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    Goosebumps. This is my life you just wrote.

  5. amarachi

    December 1, 2015 at 8:40 pm

    So true. A times, spending even the minutest time with someone else can make you question your present relationship forgetting that all that you feel now is just the initials

  6. lexira

    December 1, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    Wow…am feeling connected to a guy I met of Facebook n trust me we talk about virtually everything
    But this has given me a rethink
    I was almost running things with reckless abandon

    • Tosin

      December 2, 2015 at 7:14 am

      i LIKE reckless abandon.
      😀

    • I love Shea butter

      December 7, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Wow! This is me,you just described what I’m into.

    • I love Shea butter

      December 7, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Was*

  7. Sky Blue

    December 1, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    I never ever go off of the initial gra gra of meeting someone and clicking with them because I’ve learned that my feelings are too fickle for me to assume that it’s meant to be with anyone I have an instant “connection” with… It more often that not fizzles out with time.

  8. zarah baby loke loke

    December 1, 2015 at 10:07 pm

    Sometimes you just have to admire a flower and leave it there. Not all fruits are for the eating.
    Oro Agba.

  9. tolani

    December 1, 2015 at 11:01 pm

    Been chatting with this cute guy on facebook for over 4 years cuz we connected and then we met physically. That was it. He seemed a nice guy and all but I knew he’s gona break my heart if I dare fall for him. I really didn’t touch the flower…I just admired

  10. Thelma

    December 1, 2015 at 11:38 pm

    Yes, this has happened to me more than anyone else I know. Very stupid something. Heartbreak caused by assumptions and pettiness. Communication is key in this thing. You should be able to anticipate feedback and tactfully establish the direction you see the relationship going. Be humble but firm with your options and final decision to let go if you don’t see it going the way you want.

  11. Tosin

    December 2, 2015 at 7:13 am

    The way forward tho’ , I’d attack this: “and for a partner, one choice closes every other option.” Basically, I won’t expect “everything” from any one choice. Can’t be applying that type of pressure at my old age abeg. Everybody will remain a human being, free to grow and explore.

    Current situation: I like someone, ready to “jump” even, I of course don’t know the person lol, or like you said, some aspects I know and so many I don’t. (Note to self tho’ you will never know all nah, so…)

    Short term I want a change because I’ll write fresh poems, long term I’ve analyzed enough to know that I can’t go wrong … it’s going to be maybe fantabulous maybe just nice or maybe a mistake which so what you back out with fab memories and everlasting love anyway. Altogether it seems like a whole lotta work yet I’m like hey ok.

    I’ve been ready to jump before (>10years ago).
    None of it really matters, no? None of it matters. Naija does make it seem to matter more because marriage is a thing, an important thing, here. I’ve never honestly wanted it. Always thought it was a great thing for guys not for girls. Kinda like Islam, it’s a guy thing. Chics don’t get a lot of benefits. Feel free to critique; it’s just the way I see it.

  12. TEMi

    December 2, 2015 at 8:13 am

    The novel comes out my birthday. Coolies

  13. Ivy

    December 2, 2015 at 8:38 am

    Soooo in love…… The connection thing sucks sha. I felt it then it just fizzles out and I’m wondering what happened ? Was it me or did he say something? I think it’s time to walk away.
    P.S:-Where’s Craig David?

  14. PIUS CHRISTIANA

    December 2, 2015 at 10:38 am

    yes I have… and it was magical

  15. Ruqkayah Owolabi

    December 2, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    I connected with my best friend via BBM 4 years ago, didn’t see until three years after we started talking and I’m still in love with him.

  16. hullo

    December 4, 2015 at 7:55 am

    Ah! i had this “connection” with some guy in my office like a year ago. Damn it was hot!. We clicked on first chat. We would talk for really long minutes on the phone about virtually anything. I would feel my heart beating so hard when i thought about him. One day he called me and was like “I caught myself thinking bout you allday, it scares me”…….I dunno why but that made me feel so good. I dont connect with people easily. Matter of fact iv only connected with two guys in my whole life time, he being the second.
    I believe in connection

  17. Adrian

    December 6, 2015 at 12:01 am

    The connection thingy can be decietful sometimes,u knw?i’ve got peeps I thot I had some sort of magical connections,bt somehow,it was all downhill from there

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