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Yetunde Olasiyan: Why Is It So Hard to Get Over Your First Love?

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There has been a constant myth surrounding the issue of ‘first love’ and the fact (or should I say theory) that you never get over them. Could this be true?

Are there really people we can’t get over in terms of relationship? There are various reasons why people don’t end up with their first loves. The reason could be genuine or flimsy. Two of such reasons are painted in the scenarios below. Although, this is inconclusive, there are still varied, genuine or complex reasons why people don’t end up with the ‘first’ real persons their heart beat for.

Ok…you had this dashing gentleman falling all over you, and for a while he seemed like the perfect fit for you – the missing rib. All of a sudden, you discover during pre-marital counselling/checks that you have genotype incompatibility. You both walk away with heavy hearts but still madly in love with each other. Years later, both of you are married to different people but the feelings come rushing back for real each time you run into each other across town. You are already hugging, almost kissing and cracking old jokes before you know it.

Or you fell in love with a great dude, the feeling was mutual. He was everything you wished for in a man, he could go the extra mile for you. You were sure that the relationship was heading towards marriage. But, life happened and for whatever flimsy excuse, guy impregnated his side chick and you were devastated. You wondered where you went wrong. Guy seemed to love you endlessly. The funny thing is, he still came back for you after marrying the girl. He obviously isn’t so in love with her. And you can’t get over him either. He makes your head spin and your heart melt just by hearing his voice. He regrets marrying her, he calls you up night and day. He’s not asking to marry you but he feels safe with you, he talks about the good times, he shares all his dreams and aspirations with you.

Hmmm, what is it about first loves that is so binding? Why do people say they can’t get over their first love? Is it really true you can’t get over a first love if you’ve ever had one? I know people who dated and married only one person – the only guy who asked them out. They had no exes or heartbreak whatsoever. But for people who went through the dating experience – had some heartbreaks, but are now in a good place, happily married or happily dating or happily unattached at the moment – what was your experience about first love?

Does it really exist? The interesting part is that some people would have dated 2 or 3 people before meeting the love of their lives, the one who knocks them off their feet and they classify the one they really love as their ‘first’, even though he/she didn’t actually come first in their dating life.

To the married or dating, do you secretly yearn for your first love or you still relish the memories in private? If you are dating someone other than your first love, do you sometimes wish you could go back to him or her?

The most interesting part I want to know is to ask those that seemed to be able to bury the memories of their first love or any special person they had dated in the past and are so loving the person they ended up with. This is really going to be interesting. Let’s solve this age-long myth once and for all. I will be waiting to read insightful and engaging comments about your experiences and whether you believe ‘first love’ exists, or it’s just a growing fad among the existing generation.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Auremar

M.Sc International Affairs&Diplomacy, ABU, Zaria|| B.Tech Environmental Biology, LAUTECH, Ogbomoso|| 1st Prize Winner, SouthWest Nigeria-CLO Essay Competition on Child Labour in Nigeria|| 5th Prize Winner, Nigeria Deposit Insurance Corporation Essay Competition|| Certificate of Participation, World Bank Essay Competition|| Author of A Gift of Dreams|| [email protected]|| Former Content Editor, woman.ng|| Ghostwriter, Editor, Profile Writer|| Facebook.com/Ola Nike|| instagram.com/Olanike Olasiyan|| For writing enquires email [email protected]

61 Comments

  1. Tosin

    December 12, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    I’ve been falling in love since I was like eight…no four? Something like that, maybe younger. Maybe you can clarify…
    You know when parents joked about your son will marry our daughter / this one is our cute little first son’s wife , my little mind took some of those to heart, so I used to think when I grew up, after something called university, I’d be marrying whoever the flavour of the year was.

  2. Nice

    December 12, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    The heart is tricky and sometimes deceitful however for your own good it’s best to forget every old flames. You cannot eat your cake and have it. Guide your heart with all diligence because out of it comes the issues of life.

  3. Anon

    December 12, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    Sings “First love is the deepest!”

    Once you meet someone better, you will get over that first love fast…

    • Anonymous

      December 12, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      Someone better – aka rebound. Lol

      123girlfriends.blogspot.com

  4. Zoey

    December 12, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Coincidentally, whilst reading, a song titled ‘My First Love’ by Avant and Keke Wyatt came on. I had my first love when I was in year 7,, anyways he is no longer attractive to me (covers face). I’ve had a crush on a guy for just over a year now and I don’t know how to tell him. I think about him everyday 🙂 advice someone? We are both pilots for the same airline …..*covers face and runs away*

    • Yayi

      December 12, 2015 at 5:42 pm

      Hey Zoey,
      Crushes are so hard but you should brave up and find a way to tell him. It’d either end up with a rejection or he could be open to exploring something meaningful and deep with you. Either way, it’s a win-win situation. If it ends up with a rejection, just bear in mind that you didn’t lose anything and move on! Good luck!

  5. aawesome

    December 12, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    Scenario 2. Exactly my story to the tee. Only difference is I don’t let him call. I try to miss the call or “forget” to call back cos I’m guarding my heart with all diligence. Getting stronger each day.

  6. meah

    December 12, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Is first love same thing as first date?

    • Dee

      December 12, 2015 at 5:28 pm

      yes…Infact,capital letter Y*E*S…….
      so if you’ve honored 5 first dates, you have 5 first love…. I hope this helps

      Thank me later

    • Confuzzled

      December 13, 2015 at 7:02 am

      You’re terrible!!! Lol

    • Tee

      December 12, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      No.It’s d first person ur heart beats for.Most pple experience it between d ages of 15-23.(in my own opinion tho)

  7. jasmine

    December 12, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    So over my first love. Dude has been married twice and divorced twice. Still coming back. Mumsy thinks he’s the one for me(her cup of tea- lol). Me no send dude again. He should keep searching till he finds the one for him. Goodluck to him

  8. Me

    December 12, 2015 at 5:46 pm

    Dear writer and Bella naija commenters Is it normal at the age of 25, to never have had a first love?

    • ElessarisElendil

      December 13, 2015 at 1:50 am

      Yup, In my opinion, its all an inside joke like love at first sight, hell love even.

  9. Addy

    December 12, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    Isn’t first love a metaphor for your first sexual experience? Crushes and such don’t qualify, in my opinion, first loves are hard to get over because we are asked via bible, to keep the marriage bed undefiled. Thus, once you have sex, you are entangled and will keep moving from bed to bed, trying to relive that first experience, Innit? The first experience you can hardly forget….this, the first love conundrum! Or am I wrong? Constructive criticism/responses only!!

  10. Addy

    December 12, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    Thus*

  11. Missappleberry

    December 12, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    First love ke? Got over mine so fast! Ain’t nobody got time for such.

  12. IJS

    December 12, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    I’m 25 now and I’ve been falling in love since 16. First love who? Can’t be bothered with such memories on most days. “In love” is just another feeling like being jealous or happy or angry etc.

  13. dhebs

    December 12, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    It took a long while to get over my third love, although till date I remember him with fond memories and a big YES to i am not in love with him anymore. The first? The only thing I remember about him is name, sex, course studied, university and village.

  14. janey lupo

    December 12, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    I have actually loved just one person .Someone who my heart beat strongly for,Someone who my heart still beat for till today though we are no longer together. This person thought me how to love. I loved this person with all my strength, my body and soul. I was freaking committed! This person couldn’t go wrong in my eyes. When we kissed, I could actually feel my heart beat. LOL. I was broken, wounded and hurt by this person at the end. I held on the bad relationship for a long time I refused to let go in the early stage. when this person left me I was unhappy, my light was gone. It really took time for me to heal. I accepted,forgave and had closure. It’s been a year now I’v moved on but deep down in my heart, this person holds a special place… My true first love.

    • elsa

      December 12, 2015 at 9:01 pm

      Awwww the same story but I left when he strayed..he is married and I am married but we are not over each other..he will always be the love of my life..

    • ElessarisElendil

      December 13, 2015 at 1:53 am

      Hey Elsa, Do you wanna build a snowman or ride our bikes around the hall???

    • Penelope

      December 13, 2015 at 3:42 am

      Your story sounds so familiar

  15. Ttee

    December 12, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    ….and so heartbreaking when your ” first love ” is d wrongest person…sigh! Do do we really choose who we love or love just happens abi it’s a mirage sef……

  16. Anon

    December 12, 2015 at 10:28 pm

    Had to go anon on this one. I am so over my first bf, but I am not over a particular ex (ex before my husband). We are both not over each other, even thouugh he is married with a kid as well. Good we are in separate countries.

    • OSA

      December 13, 2015 at 1:19 am

      i doubt if he is not over you. yOu obviously are not over him. Men marry whom they want to and whom they feel is best in all regards. he married the best on his love scale. shame it wasnt you.

    • mrs chidukane

      December 13, 2015 at 9:56 am

      Men marry for many reasons other than love. A man I know, has a picture of the girl he wanted to marry but couldn’t because of family restraints hanging in his bedroom and forbids his wife from ever touching it. It’s been like 7 years of marriage for him and he still talks about how loves her and wishes they were together.

  17. ibukungeorge

    December 12, 2015 at 11:38 pm

    Am actually reserving my first love to whoever I Marrry.First love in my opinion is the Man who will love me ,treat me like a Queen and make me a “woman” literally.I refuse to pin for the EXs who broke my heart.Naaa

    • Oversabi

      December 14, 2015 at 3:02 am

      Awww, then you have never really been a slave to love. Wait until you feel it. Your views will change. It really is a form of mental slavery. Like witchcraft. My prayer is that my kids never experience love with the person they wont marry. It is devastating to have to patch up with someone else. Your mind wanders. Not a christian thing to do. Its like an addiction. You freak out when you know you have to visit the town where the person lives. You wonder how you can hide and not run into hte person because seeing the person dredges painful memories of a breakup you wished you could reverse. Its twice painful if the person is also still in that place and then you get to have those awkward piney moments of regrets. Just pray you dont ever fall for someone who aint gonna be your life partner. Now that’s a prayer worth praying.

  18. tega

    December 12, 2015 at 11:51 pm

    how can man or woman be married and say someone else is the love of his or her life?…Such a person wants to scatter his or her marriage……A WORD ENOUGH FOR THE WISE

  19. Nma

    December 13, 2015 at 9:43 am

    @tega, nothing wrong here.
    We all fond memories we hold dear. Doesn’t mean u don’t love ur partner. Stimes, there is this one person that secretly stays deep inside ur head, u may never even cross paths again. But u will always learn to love again. Haa, love can be complex shaa.

  20. weird teegal

    December 13, 2015 at 11:22 am

    It’s hard to really forget first love! If indeed you experienced love. In my case, we were family friends, he showed interest in me and I was scared of our parents knowing! But he was unique,caring,loving,i don’t know how best to describe him self. We were keeping each other till university days,he was committed and loyal. He took’ the icing on the cake’ it felt special. I can’t describe it,He pampers me,he was bold and had the courage of telling our parents, I was childish and scared of My mum knowing and all. Each time I see him, there is a bond, a rush down my Adrenaline, the way we look at each other, I see the love in his eyes and wish I ended up with him! Marriage talk, he is As, am As!
    His mum was like ‘No way’ he was willing to risk it! I Moved on, invited him to my wedding! He said he couldn’t watch me go into another man’s arm! I still can’t forget him! I share my deepest secrets with him! He avoids me and insist we should never meet alone, the last time I saw him in a party, I was all over him, I tricked him into strolling with me n all! We ended up kissing, he quickly shut me out by saying’i can’t control my emotions when am with you, and you can’t cheat on your husband! Crucify me all you want, He is just too good to be forgotten and Yes I still Love him! I Reminisce about him whenever am lonely!

    • yinkus

      December 14, 2015 at 11:54 am

      Wow!! I like your comment,its honest,true and real. I don’t know why people like deceiving themselves. My dear this is the bitter truth, you can never forget or get on your first love. They always have/hold a special place in your heart. The only one person I don’t trust myself with, is my first love. I always wish am married to him and I know he also feel the same way too. Love is so sweet with him,i love everything about him. Lol.

  21. Oma

    December 13, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    life is weird like that. In some cases first love exists and it never fades even when they don’t end up together. For me though I am in love with love, always in love with anyone I’m with and I don’t keep a light burning for anyone once its over. whoever I get married to will be tagged “love of my life”.

  22. bushbaby

    December 13, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    hmnnnnn so this is true just wanna say there is a difference between first love and first boyfriend. even ur first crush might not be ur first love. this thing called love and what it does to u one time u are acting like a coy mistress and in another a sharon stone. ur whole nerve standing on edge for this person.the question is why are u not with him or her. even with the feeling that makes ur thighs stand in akinbo for him to show u heaven. some things are just confusing. why can’t we be togeda why why why. it goes on and on with a resounding heartache that wud neva go away. my first love didn’t break my heart we lost communication and that madness drove me into someone elses arm who has no idea aw my soul travels off to my first love. its sin i know but it so unresistible. just to think of him and knowing he is such a beautiful imperfection.

  23. John1

    December 13, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    @weirdtega! Sweetheart lets reverse d case and assume it was ur husband telling this story u are telling! Men cheat indeed! Pls its absolutely stupid to b inlove with some1 else and marry someone else! Save ur self d stress and save d person d heartache! Dont ask ppl to jump when u dont intend to catch them! This applies to girls/guys…all them stupid guys wu dnt want to marry a lady, but u let her cook fr u and perform housewife duties knowing what she is thinking! Its simple put urself in her shoes! We should all stop being selfish and messing with oda ppls emotions just bcos we can!
    And besides i dont bliv in this socalled love/spark thing! What most of us call love is just meer obcession/infactuation! U r messing with ur husband bcs u still hv acess to dat guy! When d guy finds a woman he fancies more than u he would be gone and then u would value ur husband, just pray he would still be there.
    How many times have girls/guys dumped their partners bcs they thought they were inlove with someone else, only for d person dey love 2 threat them badly and they start running back to their former partners! Trust me this thing u call love is just a feeling that wud last fr a moment…when that moment passes it would turn to hate/depression/regret!

    • weird teegal

      December 14, 2015 at 5:54 am

      I understand your perspective john but ours isn’t infatuation! It’s love, it’s pure, genuine untill this genotype came along! How do u get rid of sum1 who has been more than just a boyfriend,we were meant to be together, u will never understand cos u havnt felt what I have felt! We fight, we settle, he looks after me like a guardian angel! His personality is totally different from hubby! Am not justifying why i havnt discarded his memories but why do u watch movies more than once, and when they ask! Which one is the best u have seen! U keep saying this particular one! I could go on n on.

    • John1

      December 14, 2015 at 8:00 am

      @weirdtega! My dear! I cant judge u! Bcos u are d one feeling d feelings, u are one who wears d shoe and knows where it hurts! And thus whatever u say in that sense would be right! And i honestly wish u all d best…as in all of u involved… u, ur husband and d guy u love!
      Its just that due to my ‘personal experience’ i really am not a firm believer in ‘feelings’…i use to, but not anymore! Have u ever lost a love one? Like close family member? As painful as it was, Did u or did u not learn to forget d person with time? I bliv u get d drift! If ths guy travels 2somwhere far and you can no longer contact him…would u stop living bcos he is gone? Trust me dear in like 2years u would have moved on! This applies to those who claim to b slaves to love or are holding unto relationships that are bad for them! U CAN ALWAYS WALK AWAY AND U WOULD BE JUST FINE! DONT STAY BACK BCOS OF FEAR OF LOOSING OUT! CHEERS!!!

  24. Ggirrl

    December 13, 2015 at 6:23 pm

    My first love was someone I was never in a relationship with. I met him when he was in a relationship. He’s married to the lady he was in a relationship with and I’m also married. I don’t think I love him anymore and I had to cut off communication because he kept talking about how he loved me but also loved his wife. This went on for about 8 years. I doubt we could have made things work. I don’t wish I could be with him but I still think about him almost every day. He’ll probably always be in my heart.

  25. Tola

    December 14, 2015 at 12:22 am

    Okay, so I’m over thirty. Never had a first love, or a last. Only huge, humungrous crushes and obsessions. Of course, I’ve gotten over them, all at different stages/phases of my life. At some point, I might have been attached to someone, but no, not love. Now, it’s even worse. All i’ve got are celebrity crushes! Very tiring! Think I ‘m old enough to be married with kids, All the prayers I get from people these days are about getting married etc. But still no love. I guess it’s because I haven’t found the right person. I’m sure if I met him i’d fall in love with him. Hence the celebrity crushes that I can’t seem to get over. Maybe the celebs are figures/images of what I want my love to look like. *sigh* Or is it the fear of commitment? Oh, but I want to be committed, love someone, be crazy about him and have him be crazy about me too. I’m in fact consumed by the thought of having a boyfriend. Still,, I find that i’m not in love with anyone. I’m confused joor! And tired. I want to love someone too, but there just doesn’t seem to be anyone to love. Is there something wrong with me? Psychologists in the house, please, analyse me, I beg you. Constructive, no negative comments o. Please, it’s a really serious matter and would appreciate it if people took it seriously. I’ll adhere to any good advice/ suggestions etc

    • ElessarisElendil

      December 14, 2015 at 1:29 am

      Everybody crushes on celebs, they’re literally perfection and far enough that you’ll never stand a chance allowing you to concentrate on more important things.

      My advice would be don’t overthink it que sera sera and all that If its meant to be it’ll happen naturally and if its not, it ain’t the end of the world either.

      Just think, do you really want to lose your seat on the fence laughing at all the hilarious ways people find to complicate their romantic attachments?(To be fair though, this is probably a “Me” thing).

  26. Som1

    December 14, 2015 at 6:06 am

    @tola i doubt theres somtin wrong with u, but i am not a psychologist! Sweetheart what most of us call ‘love’ might not exist after all. U talked about being obsessed, i think if u compare that to what some ppl here experienced as love u would find out u are just d same afterall! This thing works basically like this: U see a guy/girl, then theres an attraction (90% of d time its physical, height, bodyshape/facial futures)..then friendship if possible! Then from there our imagination of a ‘happy ever after’ takes over! But d problem with this feeling is that it has a life cycle, sometimes its there, sometimes u might not find d socalled ‘spark’. I bliv if u talk with couples who have been married for a long time…they would tell u that there were days were d ‘super excited’ feeling wasnt there…what kept d marriage goin was common sense, an understanding that this tin had to work! And friendship! D reason u might say theres no one to love is bcos ur expectation of what love should be, might not be easily attainable! U could be searching for too many qualities in one person! Imagine a guy saying ‘ iwant a girl like beyonce, wu is beautiful nd can sing! Wu would submit to me in everything including her career…she must be able to cook my meals and be at home when ever she is needed! She must be a good christain who prays alot.’ its possible….but difficult! U must have heard of d 80-20 rule!

    • geeeeee

      December 14, 2015 at 10:57 am

      ,Som1, can u tell me alittle about that 80-20 rule please. i will like to know.

    • geeeeee

      December 14, 2015 at 11:14 am

      Som1 or John1 actually.

  27. John1

    December 14, 2015 at 7:58 am

    @weirdtega! My dear! I cant judge u! Bcos u are d one feeling d feelings, u are one who wears d shoe and knows where it hurts! And thus whatever u say in that sense would be right! And i honestly wish u all d best…as in all of u involved… u, ur husband and d guy u love!
    Its just that due to my ‘personal experience’ i really am not a firm believer in ‘feelings’…i use to, but not anymore! Have u ever lost a love one? Like close family member? As painful as it was, Did u or did u not learn to forget d person with time? I bliv u get d drift! If ths guy travels 2somwhere far and you can no longer contact him…would u stop living bcos he is gone? Trust me dear in like 2years u would have moved on! This applies to those who claim to b slaves to love or are holding unto relationships that are bad for them! U CAN ALWAYS WALK AWAY AND U WOULD BE JUST FINE! DONT STAY BACK BCOS OF FEAR OF LOOSING OUT! CHEERS!!!

  28. Koffie

    December 14, 2015 at 8:11 am

    First love sha, I’ve written about mine on BN before and this guy had (probably still does) a hold on my emotions and we weren’t even an item! I think I had two rebound flings to get over him. My friends still tease me about how I was about this guy and how they’ve never seen me ‘feel’ that way since then. If I was mad at him then, I’d not be able to eat till we talk again. I’d become this really soft idiot when we’re together and my other personality would be watching me like “see your life”. To be honest, I’m not sure I want to feel that way again, it takes away your logical reasoning and you’re too vulnerable with this person. Mba, I’d rather be able to ‘see road’ and choose to love with clear eyes.
    It’s been about two years since I last saw him and I was quite sure I was over him. Homeboy is in the ‘Abroad’ now and recently started calling me again talking for ages and all that hogwash. I’ve been scabashing to God for common sense cos I should be twice shy really. In fact, God I’m begging you in public again, please let him lose all memory of me if this is leading to Heartbreak Part 2 in Jesus’ name and help me to protect my heart. Amen.

  29. AnOnY

    December 14, 2015 at 8:49 am

    This Genotype thing is a bitch!! #darrisall

    • Uju

      December 14, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      Oh yes…f-ing bitch. The pain of watching the love of your life go cos of genotype is excruciating. In my own case, he is married now and yet to have a child.he calls once in a while and i always try to make the convo very short n brief cos of stories that touch…lol. As for marriage, i’ve given up,if it happens,thanks be to God, otherwise will continue living out my divine purpose.

  30. Bosun

    December 14, 2015 at 11:37 am

    Here is a view that clarifies this matter. relationshipcheck.wordpress.com/2015/12/14/when-your-heart-belongs-in-two-places/

  31. John1 or som1

    December 14, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    @geeee dear its hard to put in writing but i would try! D 80/20 thing its simply understanding that its very rare to find all d qualities u are looking for in one person! So u have to make a compromise and choose what matters to U MOST! For instance i once ”loved” a girl! Actually getting over her made me realsied no one was indispensable! She was tall dark beautiful, with nice hips (i am a little bit tall so height is a big issue for me…findin her was like a perfect march)…she was inteligent and had nice goals for her future which she worked hard to achieve! There was some sorts of chemistry too, cause we could sit and talk for hours! We always had something to discuss! For me i could even say she was 90%, but her character and certain things she wanted, were not consistent with ”MY” beliefs and what i wanted in a wife! This was d 10%, i was scared to loose her bcos ‘i have never met a girl like that before! She was almost d perfect march’ .,..but as time progressed d inevitable became clearer! We said bye! Since then there have been other girls and their troubles! While hips and height still matters to me, i have learnt i cud risk doin without them!
    I actually met another girl who was d opposite! No swag/style! D first time we met i was like wetin be this! She was this kind of SU person. We became friends and before i knew it was like iwas falling in ”love”…she had d most wonderful personality i had seen in my life even till now! She was actually a beautiful person too, but due to her ‘church’ kind of background she didnt pay much attention to appearance! Then it hit me that her dressing wasnt as serious an issue as i thought it was. I started talking to her about make up/packaging…if all things were in place i swear i could have married that girl! But unfortunately she was engaged! Till date my prayer point is for a wife with such an attitude!
    So dear it all depends on u! BUT MOST TIMES TO GET MR/MRS RIGHT, U HAVE TO ADJUST UR ”CHECKLIST”

  32. John1 or som1

    December 14, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    @geee i hope u see my reply,,,,

    • Sugar

      December 14, 2015 at 5:14 pm

      Interesting read. You seem like a very fun loving person…. the Packaging and makeup sentence cracked me up a bit………..Would love to meet you lol

    • John1

      December 14, 2015 at 10:16 pm

      Ok thanks fr making my head swell …as in am seriously blushing! I wud like to meet u too lol!

  33. Anon

    December 14, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    My first love is still on my mind. I knew him when I was 13. He was crazy about me. My mother gave me the beating of my life when she knew I had him as a boyfriend. I don’t know if it’s the beating I got for his sake or the innocence that came with it(no sex;just hugs and pecks) that made me resolve to love him no matter what. I just felt different and special around him. Everyone in the neighborhood knew about us. I was in JSS 2 when he wrote me my first love letter. I didn’t know what I was doing because I didn’t get… By the time I got to SSS3 and realized I loved him and was ready to put my all into him,he left Nigeria and said we were better off as friends. 10 years have passed since he left. He came home this year and we saw each other but he didn’t say anything.I still wish we could give things a try as adults and not as teenagers. I have had other relationships and all but somehow, I still think about him. I know he has moved on. I know when I get married someday, I’ll forget about him. I have struggled to really bury it all. He has featured in my dreams over a thousand times… even last night. We communicate once in a while and it’s really meaningful a conversation. All my friends know he is the one person who really captured my heart. A movie like ”the notebook” didn’t help matters for me. Anyway, I keep telling myself that whatever was is history. I’m not holding on to the past. I just know that my first love was the deepest I ever felt… That will definitely change when I get married because I will bury myself into my husband. They say in pidgin ”is, was no be am”…

    • Adunni

      December 19, 2015 at 11:00 pm

      Time will help you. ..

  34. hushpuppy

    December 14, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    I totally agree. genotype is a bitch. still can’t help remember that my first love, the one that was meant to lead into marriage. alas, Mr genotype showed face and there goes the happy ever after. he is married now and am still waiting for Mr AA right. seriously letting go is possible but forgetting a good love with sweet memories is not easy. may God help us all to move on completely when we get to this kind of crossroad. excuse my typos, sneaking to get this response out# still at work.

    • laila

      December 14, 2015 at 5:42 pm

      Hey hushpuppy and others who have spoken about genotype. In this modern world, I believe if you truly feel someone is your husband or wife, this should not lead to a breakup.

      With IVF and genetic testing, you can have a non SS child.

      Life is so unpredictable, even if we look for the “perfect” AA person to match as an AS individual, life still happens. There are so many other childhood diseases etc…which could still strike (Heaven forbid). Just my thoughts…

  35. iWillMostDefDropAComment

    December 15, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    First Love………most def not the guy that took away my maidenhead not the guy that first kissed me and most def not the guy is spent my youth with. 8yrs of madness and torture.

    My first love is most def my husband….lets me spread my wings to fly but not too far enuf that i will fly away and loose my way, gave me wonderful children and a blessed home. i may not be his first love but i hope i will be his last one and only true.

    look not to the things that have past cos they only have heart ache in their wake. embrace the future and stop looking back lest u turn to a pillar of salt.

  36. mykoss

    December 15, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    Me i say a soul mate, it can be the first one or any other rang. It’ s one and unique and the heart will never forget it but is not everybody who have this experience in life.

  37. aabi

    December 16, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    Hmmm, my first love! The best and only true love have ever felt. That’s the only guy that thinks about me before thinking about himself. Sometimes, I blame myself for leaving him on religion grounds. Have had 2 relationships after him but nothing compared to him. I find myself comparing other guys to him. Even after 6 years of breakup and now living in different countries. We still talk regularly and he still sends gifts. We still have each other mumu buttons. We are both not married.

  38. Adunni

    December 19, 2015 at 11:00 pm

    Time will help you.

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