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Frances Okoro: For Those Who Want To Seize The Bae In 2016

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Seize the BaeAt the beginning of this year I asked my Father… “Lord is my love story coming alive this 2016?”As an obedient daughter I paused, and became silent in a bid to hear His familiar voice.

I was expecting to hear a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ outrightly; but in a classic God behaviour the answer He gave me was something that changed my mindset.

His answer was:
Do you think that you are ready or there’s still a lot to be done in single hood? Could you be a helper to someone right now or are you the one who needs help? Are you stabilized enough or ready enough to serve a man in marriage?

At first I paused… Lord why all these barrage of questions to a simple question of “is 2016 the year I would be joined in marriage or not?”
I asked a simple question so please give me a simple answer.

Afterwards I calmed down a bit and the area of my heart that yields to Him came alive. I began to answer His questions sincerely…

(1) It seems like there’s still a lot to do in singlehood right now

(2) I could probably help someone other than myself a little bit but truth be told, it seems to be me just looking for a shoulder to rest on and draw strength from right now.

(3) Am I ready to serve? In the flesh… NO.

And then He spoke to my heart…
From my answer above I again heard His voice that I am basically looking for who I can get the things I need from and not GIVE the things He needs and there is a difference between both things.

And so I asked like a daughter yielded to her Father would ask… Where do I go from here Lord?
What He told me is what I would love to share with you all my fellow sisters today.

There seems to be a mentality that is rife in town right now.
Almost every single lady entered into 2016 chanting #SeizeTheBae.
That chant would probably work for the ones who want to seize any kind of bae but would never work for those who want to seize God’s kind of bae for them.
Let me explain:
When you make up your mind to wait for ONLY God’s kind of man/woman for you, you also have go through the process of getting His kind of man/woman.
And that process includes a renewal of your mind and a shift in your mentality.

The world practically thinks of marriage in the line of what he/she can do for me.
I have been and still occasionally is someone who would say things like “if he was here he would have given me this massage I’m craving…”
If he was here he would have dropped me off with these loads in Ajah…
If he was here, we would have shared the work I need to do to put together my seminar…
And it goes on and on…
We almost never stop to think of what we would do for him if he was here.
So we go into marriage with our list of expectations piled up high for a mere mortal man who stands no chance against a 20 something year old list that has been prepared against him.

Marriages that work don’t start out like that and can never survive with that kind of mind set. God said to me, from now on, let there be a mind shift in your mentality as regards the man.
Start thinking in the line of “I will like to help him with this and that”.
When you think that you are tired right now and would love your man to massage you, turn it around and think of you doing that for him.
You need encouragement and help?
Then think of you giving him that encouragement and help.
Stop thinking about you getting; start thinking about you giving.

Trust me, this was a tough pill to swallow but I am thankful that the correction came at the time it did.

We have so many good Christian ladies with a long list of expectations on what their future spouse should be doing for them…
No one stops to think of what they could do for the man that God sends them.
Too many “getting” going on and not enough “giving” going on.
A marriage set upon that kind of mind set cannot work.

Has anyone ever noticed that the 1 Corinthians 13 type of love doesn’t speak of what the other person does?
It only tells us what our love should be like… so regardless of how the other person behaves, we are expected to love them still.

Marriage is not a place to drag rights…
Marriage is a place to give, give and give of ourselves to our spouses.
Yes, the other person has an obligation to you but you are not responsible for their obligation to you… you are responsible for your obligation to them so that’s what you can focus on and make better.

Some persons would argue that the “bae” isn’t here yet so they can live anyhow they like and only start giving of themselves when he comes.
But no, you can practice this giving and serving others right now with the people around you.
Family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, Church members… etc.

My point is simply this: If you really intend to follow up on your “seize the bae” chant in 2016, you must get a mind renewal in this area of what marriage is all about.
Marriage is service.

It is a “what can I do for you thing”
And not a “what can you do for me thing”

The very idea of selfishness in marriage, the ‘me, myself and I’ syndrome is a huge part of the reason why we have failed marriages today.

Make an adjustment in this area, start thinking in line of what you can give to the man.
Of how you can be of help to his life. And when he finally comes, both your lives will be better for it.

PS: I would love to hear from you…
Have you gotten/made any corrections on your character recently? As pertaining “seizing the bae”?
I would love to hear from you.
Please share in the comment section below

Photo Credit: Foto.com.ng | Nsoedo Frank

Hephzibah Frances is a Lawyer and author currently based in Lagos Nigeria. She is an author of more than 15 books including the best-selling book “Prayers for your future husband”. She is a Voice for the Lord. She proclaims God to the Nations through her songs, books, podcasts, talk-shows, movies and the new media. Carrying God’s word to her generation on the wings of the wind. She is the founder of two women ministries, The Women At The Well and The Deborah Generation She is also the founder of Awakening Youthful Seeds For Christ Initiative a Non-Governmental Organisation focused on raising purposeful youths. She runs a business to help authors and aspiring authors BIRTH THEIR BOOK DREAMS at Beautiful Feet Publishing - Email: [email protected] for help with all things publishing and marketing your books. ***** KEEP IN TOUCH: Email her at [email protected] Follow Her On Social Media: On Facebook: HephzibahFrances On twitter @Hephzibahfran/ On instagram @hephzibahfrances Listen to her Podcasts At: Podcasts By Hephzibah Frances Watch her videos on her YouTube Channel at - Hephzibah Frances Read her blog at www.hephzibahfrances.com Download FREE eBooks written by her from here

33 Comments

  1. Mz_danielz

    March 27, 2016 at 2:44 pm

    Nne that giving thing eh, it’s the truth but you have to earn the right for me to give you Biko. This is Nigeria, laws don’t favor us, a woman should protect herself. Don’t be forming giving and loving and loose in the end. I ask, is he wealthy, is he generous, can he take care of me, does he fear God and respect people, will his goals fit mine, before I start giving anything Biko.

  2. Ada Nnewi

    March 27, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    I had this same conversation with God this year and I discovered that I still have so much to do while I am single….that ended #seizethebae2016# for me…

  3. pinopino

    March 27, 2016 at 3:21 pm

    Bellanaija.com

  4. May

    March 27, 2016 at 3:26 pm

    So true Frances! Just recently I realized that God will not give me a(my) man,if i don’t have anything to give too. Yes I want my man to be my everything but I want to be his everything too. Still have a lot to work on myself though….

  5. Tosin

    March 27, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    i love and approve this message,
    i don’t think you needed to gender it though : ‘what you can give to the man.’ it’s a message that can be accepted by any person. what you can give to the person.
    your advice also works in other relationships – in our relationship with our country, the birds/bees/sky/sea, with our work choices…you know like how people ‘hustle’ they say they’re hustling like a fight to grab resources, but some would say there’s another way, focusing on giving, on alignment, not on fight-fight hustle-hustle.
    any one sha.

  6. honeymix...

    March 27, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    I am really sorry to digress from the article, but my baby just got on one knee and asked me the sweetest question, I honestly did not hear anything when he was talking as ladies always say. Yay!!! I am engaged. I cannot keep calm. Been jumping, screaming and flashing my ring upandown since yesterday.

    • Oga o

      March 27, 2016 at 5:56 pm

      Lol! Congrats honeymix! May your love be ever sweet.

    • honeymix...

      March 28, 2016 at 11:39 am

      Thank you so much dearie. Big hugs. BN, my avatar was changed, I want my old one.

    • hai

      March 27, 2016 at 11:07 pm

      Lol understand d feelng dear,flaunt it. (wwisely) it’s ur tym, n knw dt d hour fr srious prayrs has come…Congrats girl,happy for u tho I dnt knw u

    • honeymix...

      March 28, 2016 at 11:40 am

      Yesso, the serious prayers have started. I was so surprised when I noticed some kind of jealousy from some friends. I am not insinuating anything though.

    • Frances Okoro

      March 31, 2016 at 7:53 pm

      Congratulationssss honey mix!!

    • Adaeze Writes

      March 28, 2016 at 12:13 am

      Congrats dear, may God bless your life together.

    • honeymix...

      March 28, 2016 at 11:41 am

      Amen, thank you so much.

    • Frances Okoro

      April 8, 2016 at 2:48 pm

      Congratulations Honeymix!!!

  7. Californiabawlar

    March 27, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    Hmmmmm….all these people that married during or right out of undergrad nko? Girls/guys that just met partners they liked and the next sensible step was to get married? This whole advance marriage preparations is only for the advanced in age?? Cos chances of your marriage being better than theirs is not certain o, lol.

    My opinion is that you’re overthinking it, and/or keeping the hope alive till bae shows up. And I’m not saying there nothing wrong with that….but just be easy on yourself. You can’t be perfect… You can’t be ready… I guess cos it’s taking a minute, you can only be better prepared. But I don’t think God is hiding your husband from you just because you’re this shitty person who can’t handle marriage.

    The only thing I try to think about is how to better enjoy my moments….yes I work extremely hard but I do whatever I want with my free time. After work/school let’s me be. I travel anyhow. I eat whatever I want. Eg. Cos I’m semi OCD, I cook like 1 pot of food and eat it all week and cook the exact same thing the following week….it could continue for a month, then get sick of it and skip cooking for the next two weeks. Well I wouldn’t do that to a husband and children…would I? Malnourished family toh bad. Lol. Just enjoy yasef my sister…everybody will marry. ?

    Happy Easter!!

    • kk

      March 27, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      i do exactly the same thing. I cook one three pots of stew and I’m proud of myself when it last for one month. I eat rice only. I started getting ill quite frequently – realised how malnourished i am.

    • Frosh

      March 28, 2016 at 10:30 am

      can we be bffs already??!! girl you’ve got you’re mind right!!

    • Frosh

      March 28, 2016 at 10:32 am

      @californiabawlar

    • Oma

      March 28, 2016 at 12:19 pm

      @CB, My thoughts exactly. Nothing wrong with having a coping mechanism, truth is, we can’t all get married early, some will be early and some will be late, it’s the way life works.
      I am certain I am ready to meet the right man and seize the bae, but sometimes I wonder if I really really am. I live in a nice tiny apartment and when a friend comes to stay over for more than two days I find myself counting down to when he or she has to leave, and it makes me wonder if I am really ready to live with someone everyday for the rest of my life?
      On Easter Sunday, I only got around to cooking lunch at 5pm, cos I spent the day watching movies and eating junk, I wouldn’t be able to do this if I lived with a significant other and a child or children (at least I shouldn’t).
      So yeah, I clocked 31 last week, and at my weakest moments it gets to me that I have still not found the bae (not to talk of seizing him, lol) but like CB, I am consciously choosing to live my life happily, and I AM happy. It will be nice to find the bae now but there’s no denying there is also a certain ‘freedom’ not having found him affords me.
      CB, I liked your closing, everybody will marry, very encouraging ?

    • Sapphire

      March 29, 2016 at 7:00 am

      When I was single, there were times when I don’t even cook. Don’t worry you’ll adjust and also become more tolerant to people being in your personal space. God will give u your very own bae this year

    • Oma

      March 29, 2016 at 1:51 pm

      @Sapphire, Amen! and thank you, e-hugs

  8. madman

    March 27, 2016 at 5:40 pm

    God has nothing to do with marriage. Marriage is a choice. Stop with the over analysis paralysis.

  9. madman

    March 27, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    There are many women and men who will never be “seized.” That’s just the truth of the matter.

  10. Fola Coco

    March 27, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    And when your mind is renewed what next? Truth is it will happen when the higher power says so..Our journey in life is different,some will marry young and some old(er). Some will marry old and be divorced 3-5years later,and some will marry at 18-22 and stay married forever. In prayer and praise there’s a waiting period,the duration varies from person to person. A woman who is [email protected](never been married,no kids) medical doctor(top of her career) am sure has/would have a mind set of am adding unto him..Besides we mature in our mind at different ages and stages. What is he bringing in too,is he ready to allow a woman complete him,support him spiritually,emotionally,financially? Is he ready to listen to good advice on Business,his career and their lives together in general? I would say love yourself whilst single it would help u eventually in Marriage..Forget about all your friends,siblings or colleagues already married..#seizeGod’sTime. You will never go wrong,and know your self worth and value…35,40,50yrs it will happen for you too,the man who will love u just the way u are (attitude,pride,laziness,job/no job etc) cometh..

  11. Hordunayor

    March 27, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    Frances,

    This is so Apt! Like Tosin said, it shouldn’t be gender base, its should be vice-versa.

    Yay, I agree ladies should be more selfless, that way, you leave the guy speechless and he would be willing to go the extra mile for you, when you truly need him.

  12. GraceOfGOD

    March 27, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    @Frances Okoro

    Good evening Madam, I think this message is for me. Sometimes GOD is speaking to us through someone. Indeed I MUST make some ADJUSTMENTS in my life, It should NOT only be about me, A man according to GOD’s heart that is what I wish and I have to BECOME a woman according to GOD’s heart to COMPLETE that particular man. We have NO POWER to change others BUT we can change OURSELVES. THANK YOU for the article and HAPPY EASTER to all the READERS. May GOD help us to become BETTER persons in life, stay blessed in JESUS name I prayed, amen 🙂 🙂 🙂

  13. El nino

    March 27, 2016 at 7:27 pm

    Just fits into what I’ve been thinking about since yesterday…. Mehn too much taking, awon guys are under constant pressure and in some instances awon girls too… In all honesty, marriage is a partnership between 2 people and it should be about selfless giving….. By both individuals… The moment one person feels drained from giving and not getting then.. Lobatan

  14. vivianmoh

    March 28, 2016 at 12:15 am

    God will never give you what you will end up destroying. God is patient enough to wait for you mature enough to receive.

  15. honeymix...

    March 28, 2016 at 11:43 am

    @ Oga O, thank you so much dearie, BN, please my avatar was changed, could you please restore the old one, I kinda preferred it.

  16. Abby

    March 28, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    I can relate a lot with this article and I agree. I have been one to say when bae comes, I will do this and that. I will change my attitude towards this and that or be more accommodating. I suddenly realised that what if bae never comes, is that an excuse to keep up with some of my nasty attitudes? I don’t think so. I changed my mind set to be nice to everyone bae or no bae. I made up my mind to be a better friend, mother, sister & daughter. I have focused on giving more without expecting in return. If you give me, I will collect and be appreciative but if you don’t, I am still happy and content with my current state of giving. It has created a shift in my mindset. Sometimes it is exhausting but I always tell myself the universe will reward me. It might not be today or tomorrow or from the person or thing I am giving back to, but I will be rewarded in the way I deserve to be rewarded. And that mindset just continues to help me focus on giving even more.

  17. cat woman

    March 29, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    Interesting read…everyone who really desires to be married will certainly be. By the grace of God

    • Frances Okoro

      March 30, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      Exactly Catwoman, God who put the desire for marriage in hearts will fulfill them At The Right TIME

  18. Itunu

    May 7, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    Hello Oma, I think you might enjoy reading this 🙂
    forteebello.com/uncategorized/the-idol-of-singleness/

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