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BN Book Excerpt: Breaking Through the Haze – How I Overcame Infertility by Nneka Kyari

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front cover Infertility is a hot button issue in Nigeria, with thousands of couples  struggling to get pregnant. This can be a very harrowing journey.
Nneka Kyari‘s book “Breaking through the Haze” takes us through her journey from infertility to motherhood. Nneka was on the cover of ThisDay Style this weekend and she shared her story there.

Read an excerpt from her book below:

***

PROLOGUE
August 2011

Two red lines! I look closely at the test strip, not sure at first if I believe my own eyes. I’ve never seen this result before on one of my pregnancy tests. In fact, I’ve never even seen a positive result on an ovulation strip. Now that I’m examining it carefully I can see that the control band is a bold line and the test line is faint.

Is it too faint? My heart is racing, unable to slow itself while I’m so nervous and excited. It might not be accurate—and with my past, it’s hard to believe that it is. “I should try it again with another strip,”
I think to myself. So I pull out a second test and dip it once again into my much-cherished urine. It’s four in the morning one August day in 2011, and I’m awake because I want to get this test right. Early morning urine gives the most accurate reading for a pregnancy test because it contains the highest concentration of human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). At the beginning of a pregnancy, it can be hard to detect hCG, so it is even more important to check early in the morning.

Here I am standing in my bathroom before sunrise, hoping with all my heart that I’m finally pregnant. My husband Zachary is still asleep in the bedroom, but that won’t last long if the second test comes out the same as the first. As soon as I confirm the results, I’m going to wake him up so we can celebrate together.

The second test strip is finally ready to be checked. When I look, I see exactly the same thing—one bold
red line and one faint red line. I can feel the blood draining from my head, and I’m getting faint. “It’s consistent,” I think to myself. “Has this day finally come to pass?”

I believe it has come to pass. The day I’ve been waiting for when I will finally find out I’m pregnant. I can almost hear the sound of my own heartbeat.

I open the bathroom door with one hand, still holding tightly to the test in the other. Walking into the bedroom I switch on the light and go to Zachary in bed, lightly tapping him on the arm. My throat is so dry I can barely speak, but I manage to get the words out.

“Sweet, sweet, I think I’m pregnant!”

Suddenly alert as day, he asks, “What?”

“I said, I think I’m pregnant.”

He blurts out, “Of course you are!” He’s speaking completely out of faith; there is no doubt in his mind that our prayers have been answered. Smiling, I reach out to show him the test still in my hand.

“Look at the results,” I say. “I tried it twice, and it read the same.”

Smiling, Zachary says, “Thank You, Jesus.” Still, he suggests that we do one more test, just to be sure. I get a third test strip and go through the process one last time. The results are the same.

We are finally pregnant, and we cannot stop thanking God for the miracle of life finally growing inside me.

Chapter 1 – ROUND AND ROUND THE CIRCLE

After that third test result confirmed I was pregnant, my husband left for work filled with joy, but calm. I found myself in awe and sat down in the living room to think over the long journey we had been on to come
to this day. I was dazzled, triumphant in a battle that I never thought I would have to fight, a battle I didn’t know how to fight and didn’t feel equipped for when it started.

Nneka Kyari

Nneka Kyari

You see, I never thought I would have to deal with infertility. It was a completely unexpected challenge, one I never saw coming. When Zachary and I got engaged—and even after we were married on August 25, 2007—we never made a point of praying about pregnancy, assuming it would happen in due
time. Perhaps I thought it was a given that I would simply get pregnant without challenges because I
was still a virgin when we got married. But I was wrong, and I was in for a roller coaster ride—an
experience that would change my perception and my life forever.

My husband and I had no intention of trying to have a baby immediately after our marriage. Zachary had taken a new job that required us to move to a new community on Bonny Island where his new office was located. We wanted to take time to settle in and get to know our new town before we had children. Not being settled didn’t fit into the plans I had been making for my children since I was a teenager. I planned to have God-fearing, intelligent, well-mannered children, so I knew I needed to be ready for them before bringing them into the world. Growing up in Lagos, the financial centre of Nigeria where everyone is so busy, I saw the harm of relegating child upbringing and family time to the back seat, while the pursuit of money wins.

Besides needing to get to know our new hometown, I was also planning to work before having children and was in the process of looking for a job. With so much going on, having children wasn’t a top priority at the time. We weren’t actively preventing a pregnancy, but we hoped it would happen at the right time, when we felt completely ready.

A few months into our marriage, though, Zachary thought I must be pregnant already because I hadn’t had my period. When he asked me, I answered him out of my naiveté and ignorance: “Oh no! I don’t think I am. It’s just how my cycle is—I don’t menstruate every month.”

It had been like this since I was a teenager, my cycle growing more and more erratic, but I had never given it much thought. As ludicrous as it may sound, I had never considered it to be a sign of infertility. I’m not sure why that never occurred to me, maybe because I didn’t think about pregnancy much. But Zachary immediately realised that something was wrong and suggested we visit a doctor for advice. That was the first step on my journey to overcoming infertility.

****

BellaNaija will share more of Nneka’s story soon. Our hearts are with all our reader who are trying to conceive. We pray that your dreams will come through soon. You can read some of the inspiring stories shared in the Nicole the Fertile Chick Series. 

Copies of Breaking Through the Haze can be purchased online HERE on Amazon. | In-store at Laterna book shop 13 Oko-Awo Close, Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria | Konga

Photo Credit: TY Bello for ThisDay Style

13 Comments

  1. sino

    May 12, 2016 at 1:49 pm

    I wish to know all the process she went through medically

  2. Alin

    May 12, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    I think i am going through the same phase.I need to know everything pls

  3. Tell me

    May 12, 2016 at 2:18 pm

    I read the trio’s story in Thisday style 2 Sundays ago, thank you ladies for sharing your story. I agree with @sino medical processes did she go through to beat PCOS?

  4. luvnaija

    May 12, 2016 at 2:33 pm

    Hmmmm I’m happy women are more open to talking about infertility now! Mya God open all hungry wombs including mine! Amen

  5. Sultana

    May 12, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Wow! Very compelling. I pray that my testimony will be complete this month in Jesus name! me too will marvel at the Lord’s goodness when i see two strips on the test and wonder if it is this same me. Show it to my husband and hear him scream for joy….. hmmm. Father please hear me

  6. Oma

    May 12, 2016 at 3:10 pm

    Oh lovely story, and i am so happy you are telling your story in triumph! I can so relate with the ‘something like infertility can not befall me because i married as a virgin’ way of thinking, it is not a conscious/ judgmental thing virgins do, it is just a certain sense of entitlement virgins have. Good to have someone like Nneka share her story, a story that reminds us that marrying as virgins isn’t exactly an extraordinary feat, and it does not provide automatic shield for the pains and heartaches that life and marriage could bring.

    Kudos and best wishes to you and your family Nneka.

  7. Ethelb

    May 12, 2016 at 6:08 pm

    checkout femmhealth.org for help with fertility and other health issues

  8. Yeawheh

    May 12, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    I am taking conceiveeasy to boost my chances, I hope this works for me. Also tracking my temps using their free BBT. We’ve been trying for almost 6 months now, all to no avail and it’s really heartbreaking to see my friends getting pregnant without any problems. I know my husband is sad and frustrated but he just doesn’t want to show it.

  9. chioma

    May 12, 2016 at 9:26 pm

    I love the combination of your names.,NNeka Kyari

  10. ada

    May 12, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    Same here and I have faith that this month would not pass me by .decided to bd every other day and pray with the prayer point on SDK blog.everyone is really expecting including my mother in law who asked me stylishly if am pretty last week Sunday I felt so down cos am supposed to be pregnant.but I have told myself to never let any one reaction get to me or expectation not even hubby comparison with Cynthia obi uchendu who got married two weeks after mmy wedding. Alreast thank God my cycle is a regular irregular one (40days) so I really pray God answers my prayers as I type it and claim it that I would have my baby in 9months. I know some people would say iys only 4-5months but societal pressure can be bad.I have also learnt to not rely on hubby for emotional comfort and accept that personal happiness comes from within

  11. Omololu

    May 13, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    The Bridge Clinic in Port-Harcourt and Nisai Fertility Clinic in Lagos and Abuja are good places. However, there is no 100% guarantee anywhere. A, there are traditional fertility doctors in Lagos and all other cities but you have to be VERY careful with those. I’d suggest if you’dont choose any of those, you should know someone who God answered through that lane. Lastly, It’s majorly about prayers and you have to be very strong so you don’t give yourself high blood pressure before the babies come because Insha-Allah, the babies will come soon. God who is the doer of mine will do yours.

  12. jagger

    May 13, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    LOL.. My husband and I struggled for years to conceive and I thought that adoption would be our only option. I have tried IVF, and had 2 failed rounds, it was too expensive so we needed to check other options. Adoption costs a lot of money too. Tried different fertility treatments and medications before something finally worked, pregnancytips.. Im so happy we found something. We’re now proud parents of a beautiful healthy and smart little boy..

  13. Someone

    May 15, 2016 at 9:20 am

    Once again making fertility a female thing. Most times it’s a joint problem. Averagely, the man is the infertile one 40% of the time, and I suspect that it’s more in Nigeria because a lot of Nigerian men are heavy drinkers and smokers with bad diets. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to post this comment, but oh well.

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