Connect with us

Features

Aunty Bella: Miss. Maybe Second Wife?

Published

 on

dreamstime_l_58147253Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. 
We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
***

Dear Aunty Bella,
As I write this, I’m almost in tears, but still holding on strong that God hasn’t forgotten me. Maybe this is a test, I don’t know. I am trying to fight this intense emotions so hard.

It all happened 3 years ago where my ex and I were really in love for a year. I mean, everybody knew we were gonna get married when suddenly his parents forced him to marry a girl his heart didn’t belong with.

I cried my eyes out and tried to forget him n move on with life. It was so bad that it took God’s grace to get healed. Now, a week ago he reached out to me about how he has been hurting for 3 years and he wants me in his life. He is ready to damn all consequences and marry me as a second wife. I bluntly refused, but the feelings came back. We were both in tears after talking for a while.

He isn’t after sex because I couldn’t cook when we met, but he loved me that way.

I deserve the best. He is the best but I’m not gonna destroy another.
Please I need some advice.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

74 Comments

  1. UNCLE GWE GWE GWE

    June 6, 2016 at 10:22 pm

    Do you want to be like Annie Idibia???? I cast every spirit of man in form of TBILLS chasing you in Jesus name. Amen.

    • Ogin

      June 6, 2016 at 11:27 pm

      This woman has no sympathy. Everyday we see articles from heartbroken and sad women whose husbands have dejected them. Minus the ones our mothers, sisters and friends have experienced. And here is someone contemplating putting another woman through this pain. I have no sympathy for this poster, and I wish her the worst and the hardest karma. I hope this man’s wife is a strong woman and a prayer warrior, let her leave this man and make it, and let GOD show this woman pepper. You want to marry as a second wife, in church? Or court? Chai! TUEH I SPIT ON THIS ONE. As a woman and someone with a man, my heart bleeds for the wife of this weak and selfish man and his useless side chic

    • Ije

      June 7, 2016 at 12:53 am

      Na wah o I guess you missed the part where she said she doesn’t want to destroy another? She loves him, yes, but she is not willing to break the home. Why be so harsh in your remark? Human beings…

    • Ogin take a chill pill

      June 7, 2016 at 10:06 am

      Aww. Sorry Ogin.
      Tell us about it. You don’t have to burn the poster with your fire of anger. We already know you’re hurting but stop spitting on people
      What did he do? Left you sad and heartbroken, didn’t he? Was it because your habit of spitting on people.

    • Adunsmama

      June 7, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Thank God,God IS GOD and NOT OGIN!!!

      You my dear are a vile,bitter,twisted,angry being.

      And i am thankful you are a mere mortal!

    • Stone cold

      June 12, 2016 at 5:36 am

      @ogin, put a leash on your cheating husband and stop blaming single ladies for your woe. While you’re at it, get someone to teach you how to comprehend before spewing trash out of that hole you call a mouth.
      @Poster, I know what you’re going through, been there. Pray very hard, God will do what’s best for you.

    • Diuto

      June 7, 2016 at 7:20 pm

      Pls is he a child? How did his parents force him? That sounds unbelievable.

      Anyways, why not divorce and remarry you? Can you share?

    • Anne

      June 14, 2016 at 6:22 pm

      Are you ready to start waking up to sacrifices at your door step because that is the story of a 32 year old babe who became the 7th wife. If the first wife is fire she will fight all the way and win. Who will you cry to. If you go to church, you will be told that is not God’s will ,even God will tell you. If you put yourself in the kind of trouble the Big maker of heaven and earth cannot deliver you from. Destruction go sele.

  2. Pretty girl

    June 6, 2016 at 10:31 pm

    My dear he is not urs. Wait on the Lord and he will give u the man he created for u. Unless u are desperate to get married and become wife number 2 which won’t be good because his family won’t accept u as his wife and u won’t even be happy in the marriage as u are destroying another woman home. Tell him to try and work on his marriage and surrender his marriage to God.

  3. tired

    June 6, 2016 at 10:34 pm

    Sigh. What is really wrong with everybody? Second wife. side chick, somebody wife, somebody husband. Go and marry somebody’s husband OK? remember to take prewedding photo inside the ocean with both of u holding the neck of a big shark. Pls dont forget to share the piksho on asoebi bella.

    We will be here to reply another aunty bella letter in a few years.
    #amouttahere

  4. Sorry please explain

    June 6, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    When you say second wife, do you mean that he will have two wives or that he will divorce the first to be with you? Either way, both options are terrible. I don’t need to go into the detail about the evils of polygamy as you should already know that. Regarding the second option, I still won’t advise you to be the reason for a broken home because I believe in Karma; it will come back to you. Plus, do you really want to be the reason for another woman’s unhappiness? Do you really want to be the reason for another woman’s broken home? What if she doesn’t let him go easily? Do you want to deal with the hassle of a crazy ex? Furthermore, a man that will leave another woman for you will leave you for another woman. Forget all that love bs. So honestly, my dear, just view him as the one that got away and move on with your life. Maybe in future, you will meet again and he will be single and you guys can figure something out. That way you can proceed with a clear conscience knowing that you had no hand in terminating someone else’s home.

  5. MrNaijaD

    June 6, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    Aunty Bella, you need to fix your site bugs, slow response time, it freezes and crashes too often

  6. Person

    June 6, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    When he has his completed divorce papers in his hands, he should come back then. Till that time, face your own!

    • Fashionista

      June 6, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      Simple!

  7. Omawunmi

    June 6, 2016 at 10:51 pm

    Chick, find a way to forget this man. It is either he is not a good person or he is weak and you don’t need both.

    How did his parents force him? If indeed they did, they must be really powerful and their power will extend over your new marriage.

    Look at women who found a man to not only love them but to CHOOSE them. Don’t you think you are worth the same? Shouldn’t the one you choose, choose you right back? Will you come to your senses only when he marries a third wife?

    If you have any sense of self and pride, walk away.

  8. Phoenix

    June 6, 2016 at 10:54 pm

    I’m confused. Why is his only option for you to marry you as a second wife? Why can’t he leave the first wife to be with you? If that’s what he actually wants.

    I smell fish. From his direction. *side-eye to Timbuktu*

  9. Derin

    June 6, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    Why didn’t he damn all the consequences then and insist on not marrying the said girl. Was he bound to the alter? Was he drugged on his wedding day? Was it voodo or dark magic that was used on him? A man that couldn’t stand by you when you needed him the most. A man that cowered at the command of his parents in relation to matters of his own heart and his own choices. So he wants to commit adultery right? He is your best, but you’re his second best. You couldn’t cook and he did not marry you. He probably married the homely, wifely one that could cook. He is just doing okwu nkasi obi(talk that comforts the heart) with all the second wife bants. He isn’t even ready for a divorce but to take another wife. Hmmmm! He probably misses the sex and excitement you brought. He always knew he won’t marry you and that’s why he jumped into marriage with another woman. Be a second wife if it makes you sleep well at night. Yes, the first wife will hurt,cry, mop and sob but trust me you won’t destroy her. She will get up again and be a better person. I hope she’s wise, because if she is, she would even upgrade you to only wife and leave the marriage for you and him. Every human being deserves abundant love, respect and dignity and she should not short change herself. Madam hear yourself “his parents forced him.”

    See Nigerian women, we need to know our self worth! Marriage is not yours to keep alone! Don’t short change yourselves please!!! It’s better to live life without a man than live with one who doesn’t respect you. Been made wify is not winning. You win nothing if there’s somebody else. Both you and the side dish are dishes/food. He is eating all of you. Just take a look at how this man in this story has reduced his wife and somebody’s daughter to “the woman his parents forced him to marry.” To be frank OP, I think you should accept his proposal. You both deserve each other. He believes in rubbishing the institution of marriage, while you see nothing wrong in being his accomplice. Abeg na una know.

    • Cynical

      June 7, 2016 at 12:15 am

      @Derin,if you see this poster now na 10 strokes you go give am o…..lol.
      My dear,I really don’t know what is happening with young women of nowadays o,if u talk now it’ll be that because you are married you don’t understand the pressure. Is there something I’m missing about this marriage of a thing? What trophy are married women getting Biko? Is it better to be a Mrs and be ridiculed because every knows you people are like 10 in the marriage,you,oga,his mistresses and baby mamas? Pls everyone should just chill. Happiness in life is key. Ask Tiwa,Annie,Toke and all those still going to come up later….. If they could do it again,they’ll take happiness and peace of mind to conforming to societal pressure.

    • Cynical

      June 7, 2016 at 12:20 am

      And madam poster……that statement,his parents forced him to marry her is just wrong. You can’t force anybody to do anything. Even newborn babies can’t be forced to eat,sleep or whatever and those ones are truly helpless,talk more of a grown up MAN.

  10. Her Grace

    June 6, 2016 at 10:58 pm

    Dear Poster,

    Sometimes what we feel and what needs to be done are two different things. I know life’s curves can really throw us off balance but it’s time to think with your head and not your heart. Trust me, you do not want to make decisions based on something as fickle as your emotions. No matter how much pressure you feel, never go against your code of honor. More grace dear.

    • Ogin

      June 6, 2016 at 11:22 pm

      Clearly she has no code of honour, respect, or care for anyone else’s feelings

  11. Mr. Egghead

    June 6, 2016 at 11:03 pm

    1. He isn’t after sex
    2. You can’t cook but he loves you like that
    3.He’s seems strung on you, even after all these years.

    He’s a keeper.?

    This is not a djoking sturvs but anybody who disregards your imperfections even after three years is husband material 100 yards

    The problem with polygamy is that many co-wives don’t know how to live in peace, like sisters.
    People will tell you “na another woman husband o!” OR “go marry your own o!”
    Tell them to swerve.
    You deserve the best and, according to you, he is the best. Go for the best.

    Just make sure he is upgrading to Wife 1.0 and not Side-chick 2.0
    and also make sure the senior wife is not any of those tribes where they do juju
    and make sure he can take care of you both cause love don’t pay no bills.

    • Rubbish

      June 6, 2016 at 11:18 pm

      Yes dear, take advice from our Mr Egghead ??. Chai, you’re both selfish, you deserve each other. Hopefully the poor woman he married will love herself more than you love yourself, and leave the both of you mad people for each other. You’re wicked and selfish and he’s weak and greedy and selfish. Both of you are a match made on Earth (not heaven). Bye

    • Ogin

      June 6, 2016 at 11:21 pm

      Do you know you’re a wicked person Mr Egghead? And you have no regards for the dignity of women as human beings. Is this the advice you would give your daughter Mr Egghead. And would you agree to marry a woman as her second husband in a Polyandrous marriage. Ewu Gambia

  12. Lucinda

    June 6, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    Firstly I need to know your religion before I make conclusions. If you’re a Muslim, y’all can make it work. If you’re a christian, e go hard gan. How old is this ex of yours that he was “forced” to marry ehn? Is he a teenager abi still collecting weekly allowance from his parents? Is there something in particular about you they don’t like? You think this thing is just going to dissappear after marriage?
    If I were you I’d assume I’m still single and searching.

  13. Lucinda

    June 6, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    Very disrespectful. Any of my exes planning to make me second wife, the thunder that will strike them is still doing press up. They’re all very stupid.

  14. Hian

    June 6, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    He wants to damn the consequences now, and back then he was forced? Now he wants to marry you after 3 years. How sweet!
    Biko, there is one plot of land I want to sell you in Maitama for only N1m…come and buy.

    • May

      June 7, 2016 at 1:03 am

      Abi oh. If he really loved you he should have damned all the consequences and marry you then. By forcing him did his parents put gun on his head or what? He simply did what he wanted his parents just helped him. Good you refused. He should divorce her if he’s not happy then marry you. Second wife kò. But trust me your own man is coming don’t fall for this.

    • "changing moniker"

      June 7, 2016 at 9:48 am

      anh anh…be serious naa… i wan buy land for Maitama o

    • LEM

      June 7, 2016 at 3:20 pm

      As in ehn… Really how sweet! Poster dear, its like you have been watching too many romantic movies oh, real life odikwa veery different. He is married FULL STOP. Short of him being drugged or forced at gun point there is no EXCUSE. HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING DO NOT BE FOOLED!!!. Same thing happened to me my dear, the ex tried to manipulate me fight another babe for him but it did not work. Married, then came back with chronicles of how he really loves me and bla bla bla. After I insulted his past present and future generations I warned him never to contact me again or else… So I beg you move on, if you don’t have the strength to tell him then please block his number block him on all social media. It will be hard but you will make it. By the time you meet your own man you would be wondering why you were hung up on this loser. Also look at it this way, imagine you were the wife how would you feel if your husband was doing this?

  15. A

    June 6, 2016 at 11:30 pm

    You’re a witch o but you don’t know. Yes I said witch A small witch in the making. Because you and the ones in the village are doing the same sucking of blood. May karma show you feem trick. Rubbish. Anybody that supports you is as wicked as the Fulani Herdsmen because the way the murder people is the way you are helping to murder the emotions and reputation of that man’s wife and any children they might have. Tufiakwa gi. Nonsense

  16. Tufiakwa gi?

    June 6, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    Take it easy,you take life too serious,many have gone be careful.

  17. Apples

    June 6, 2016 at 11:55 pm

    Omg! This is so sad!
    Sweetie, you are more than this, you can’t be a second wife. No matter what he could have fought for you then not now, so all of a sudden he got ballz now? No darling, pray for your man!

  18. Laura

    June 7, 2016 at 12:19 am

    Wait…wait ….wait…..what crappie am I reading?! Oh my precious Lord…. OK. You know what? I wish the first lady leaves and you marry him because by her leaving, you best believe she will be the better and higher person in the situation. Before you know it you will be battling with another lady some where that he’s talking to to get her to be his wife….sighting that you were the woman that came in when he was confused. …#ViciousCycle

  19. FasholasLover

    June 7, 2016 at 12:24 am

    Are you a Christian, Muslim or a Pagan? If you are a muslim and your emi can gbe the rivalry and jealousy that will surely manifest. Do as you plix.

  20. Ije

    June 7, 2016 at 12:44 am

    The “damning of consequences” should have happened prior. He should have damned it all and married you in the first place to avoid this situation that you are faced with. With that being said, I do have empathy for you as a fellow woman because I know what it is to be in love with a person that you cannot have, but you must accord yourself the highest form of self respect, protect your dignity and move on. The world is an interesting place. You may meet someone whom you will love just as much (if not more than this guy). You may not. You may find someone whom you will love differently. You may, 10 years down the line, come full circle where you both may suddenly find yourselves single and still want to be with each other. If this is the case, let your hearts guide you. Whatever yo do, respect yourself enough to want more. To know that you deserve more. That’s my advice to you: woman to woman.

    May you find peace and joy.

    • emmy

      June 7, 2016 at 4:19 am

      Amen. It is not your fault you are in this situation Dear poster, listen to Ije. I love you, woman to woman.

  21. Delta geh

    June 7, 2016 at 1:06 am

    This is what you should do. Pick up your phone. Text him or call him and say ‘never contact me again’. Don’t have any further convo with him. Block his number and maintain no contact with him. Don’t be the reason for divorce or another woman’s sadness.
    God will never bless any union you have with this man. The institution of marriage is very important to Him. This man can’t just change his mind now that all has been said and done.

    • Mz Titilitious

      June 7, 2016 at 9:21 am

      GBAM!

  22. Bey

    June 7, 2016 at 1:30 am

    Na lie.
    Concocted story abeg. I don’t believe any young lady in 2016 will write dis jargons.
    2nd wife indeed, is he Dangote’s long lost son. Which young man can carry 2 house rent, utilities, kids school fees for 2homes, summer holidays etc.
    Let one man lie to you, just to part ur legs.
    When you get pregnant, u will see anoda side of him. He was forced to marry ba? He doesn’t love her? Keep dreaming, dey all say dat shit.
    2nd wife my foot………..
    DONT move on and find ur own hubby.
    If I were you for putting me thru dis shit, I will 1st milk him dry before discarding him.
    That Hermes bag, sori def he can’t afford it. Chanel Bags will do, infact a shopping spree and if it’s not too much a new car. Silly mofo of a man lookn for who wld part her legs.

  23. Americanah Romance

    June 7, 2016 at 1:54 am

    You this poster sef you’re not even the brightest bulb. I know this is mean but I’m so annoyed! So many Nigerian women littering churches with tears of heartbreak because of people like you and that stupid man!
    “He isn’t after sex because I couldn’t cook when we met, but he loved me that way.” You couldn’t cook but were you guys having sex though? Or does he eat sex? Or are you just joking around? Is this article a joke? Ne tinye onwe gi confuse n’ishi. If you know what my mum and many other women have gone through at the hands of wicked,selfish men and evil and selfish strange women like you, you will count all the words in this post and give yourself a stroke of came for each word. Tah! Anybody that is being nice to you here, if they were the wife or her sister, I hope they will remember the fake compassion. Ruin a home because of a weak and confused man, then marry him! Hopefully the wife finds a kind and loving and richer man. Both of you are the unintellectual versions of Americanah’s Ifemelu and Obinze.

  24. Nahum

    June 7, 2016 at 2:32 am

    @Derin said everything. Poster, please don’t be stupid. Like everybody here said, he was not forced, he did what he wanted to do. He CHOSE to dump you 3 years ago. He wants you as a second wife now, please wisen up. The cane used on the first wife is waiting for the second. You think she is a bad woman now? Wait until you marry him, then you will see why she ran mad. You young ladies are really worrying me. Abeg, you ladies should wisen up abeg and stop allowing these men to use you to make a mockery of the institution of marriage.

  25. This to shall pass

    June 7, 2016 at 2:33 am

    It’s difficult to make rational decisions when you’re in an emotional state, but trust me, this too shall pass. As other commenters have advised, you need to cut him off completely. Do it for your own sake – because you deserve better, the best.

    If you’re still vacillating, here are things to consider:

    1. He didn’t love you as much as you presumed in the first place. If he did, absolutely nothing would have stopped him from marrying you. I’ll use one of my brothers as an example: he brought home his intended fiancee, my parents weren’t too impressed with her behaviour. Advised him not to marry her. He said, mum, dad, I respect your opinion but I love her and I’m going to marry her. There’s nothing my parents or any one of us could do about it. We had to respect his decision.

    2. It wasn’t meant to be. If he was meant to be your husband, nothing would have stopped your marriage. The fact it didn’t work out means God has someone else for you.

    3. No man is the be-all-end-all. Each time I’ve had to walk away from a relationship, I’ve always said to myself I will meet someone else. I firmly believe it, and I always do even if it takes a while. If you place him on a pedestal as the ultimate love god no man can surpass, you’re never going to find closure.

    4. The blessings of God maketh rich and he addeth no sorrow to it. If it doesn’t look like a blessing, it is not a blessing.

    5. The Igbos says “nkiruka”, which means what is ahead is greater. That’s become my personal mantra. If one door shuts, I always remind myself Nkiruka.

    It will be in your best interest to block his number, block him on social media, stop talking about him, indulge in other interests and trust God to bring your own man at the right time. May true love find you sooner than you think.

    • Mz Titilitious

      June 7, 2016 at 9:24 am

      perfect comment!

    • Berry

      June 7, 2016 at 11:12 am

      This is real good advice!

  26. This too shall pass

    June 7, 2016 at 2:34 am

    *This too shall pass

  27. Nahum

    June 7, 2016 at 2:48 am

    Young ladies, listen to me well!! ANY man that does not have the will power or desire to save his first marriage, will have even LESS desire to save his second. Once he has divorced the first time, the second will be easier, especially if the fault comes from him (i.e. Adultery, battery, etc), so please, be wise in your decisions.

  28. Iris

    June 7, 2016 at 3:48 am

    What has cooking got to do with sex?
    Anyway, I support. Marry him ehn. He didn’t have the guts to choose you three yours ago, and you are not even insulted by the fact that he is now trying to have you in ADDITION to what he already has. In one week you are already considering. You provide 60 percent, number one provides 40.
    I believe polygamy is fine as long as everyone is okay with sharing, so do you boo. Marry him if his wife agrees. That leaves more serious minded single men for women who want what is destined for them. Just pray to your God that between the two of you he will be satisfied, because if not Na to find mistress. Best believe he will tell her the same sob story of unhappiness that he told you. Mtchew.

  29. jane(the real jane)

    June 7, 2016 at 3:50 am

    No parent can force a grown man who knws what he wants 2 marry anoda. So if u ask me baba is nt enjoyn his marriage nd wants 2 eat his cake nd Hv it. My dear d 2nd wife option is nt it. Whn u enta nd see he stil needs 2 slp wt his 1st wife nd do tinz 4 her jealousy nd hate wld strt growing. If e love u so mch let him divorce d 1st wife nd maarry u. Which one is 2nd wife. Nonsense. Dnt b decieved abg. Move on nd go nd find ur true love. Man nor b wetin em dey share. Goodluck dear

  30. ME

    June 7, 2016 at 4:23 am

    A man of marriageable age. Forced (suddenly) by his parents to marry a random even though EVERYONE knew you two as a couple and predicted your marriage.
    Hmmm…his parents may well force him to evict you down the line.
    To be honest, his proposal sounds very risky. I am scared for you!
    It is likely that he’s having difficulties in his marriage and thinks that a sweet escape lies in the arms of a former sweet heart. Nostalgia of a blissful year of dating. One year.
    Even for longer relationships, marriage remains very different from a pre-marital relationship. The grass is not greener with another woman but with watering his relationship with his present wife. Whatever he is trying to escape now, he could still find in you. His failing marriage is his main motivation to damn the consequences but when his head calms down, you may find him to still be the coward from three years ago.
    Also dear, check your own motivation. It sounds like you have not been in a serious relationship since you guys parted. It’s possible that what you ‘feel’ is need for companionship and not love for this married man.

  31. Someonecute

    June 7, 2016 at 4:26 am

    Egghead, I want to assume you’re being sarcastic.

  32. Tolu

    June 7, 2016 at 4:26 am

    Just go ahead and do it. You’ll be just fine and hopefully the first wife would too.

  33. Gorgeous

    June 7, 2016 at 5:02 am

    Well I hope for your own desperate sake you don’t end up being a secret wife. Then you become resentful and start fighting on the street. I can’t say much to stop two adults who have decided what they want to do. Besides you have this man power to treat you like crap, and I am sure you will settle for secret wife just to spite his wife and family. But my dear you are only doing yourself. A family that never approved of you will never accept you as second wife. And a man that lacks will with an in accepted second wife is a nuclear bomb that you will deserve wella. Goodluck to you o. Enter the place and marry. I am sure you are feeling cool that he came back to offer you okrika wake up marriage offer.

  34. Idomagirl

    June 7, 2016 at 5:06 am

    How did his parents force him to .marry someone else? Is he a child? Abeg….

  35. Naijatalk

    June 7, 2016 at 6:08 am

    Why would you want to marry a man who was not man enough to follow his heart- you, in the first place, and damn all the consequences. Stay away Biko he is bad news.

  36. Anon

    June 7, 2016 at 7:41 am

    My story is similar…he was a good man I left because I couldn’t forgive one wrong..I got married he got married..he calls and even when I moved to another country he called my sister to get my no..ohhh I was tempted…the Devil tried but he lost..1st of all I could have agreed to be the other woman but the way I viewed it he is not the good man he used to be.how could he want to do to his innocent wife.just wrong.
    ..

  37. gangan

    June 7, 2016 at 8:25 am

    My dear dont try it ooo.I have a cousin who is d second wife. Omo it has not been easy for her ,the only expenses the man carry for her is the children’s school fees,infact right now she is tired of it all bcos the man and his mother promised her then that they will chase the 1st wife ( witch) away over eight years.the man spends more time with d first wife .
    she dare not visit even her children are not allowed to visit their step siblings, she had never met the first wife ,ever not even once .
    When the man lost his father last year she could not attend burial bcos that woman threatened to kill her if she surface.
    My dear,all na wash ooo,he came back bcos he knows you’re still single.pls keep away from him ,and for his family they saw something in you which make them marry d other woman for him
    Why not thank God he’s out of ur life as any man that cannot stand his ground is not fit to be a husband.

  38. Yeyeperry

    June 7, 2016 at 8:43 am

    We all make mistakes.So if we assume that he made a “mistake” by bowing to parental pressure, does the man deserve to the eternally unhappy?
    Does the wife in the house deserve to be eternally unhappy?(because someone who is not happy cannot make another person happy.)
    Can’t the poster have a chance at happiness?

    Poster, what is the state of the man’s marriage? Is the wife aware or oblivious to the fact that her husband is not happy in the marriage?
    Find out o so that it won’t be that he’s simply following ‘Okafor’s law’., to avoid stories that touch.

    And all those “i must marry by force’ people that will do anything to get their patner’s parents on their side turning his/her away from who they truly love, this is how it ends o. Love will find itself. And if na juju, eye go clear.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      June 7, 2016 at 11:51 am

      Your comment is very strange and it is your type that believes the fable that a grown man of marriageable age can be forced to marry anybody. If he is unhappy in his first marriage let him get a divorce then start on a clean slate. Why is he trying to rope her into being a second wife? Why does he want to keep someone whom he is allegedly unhappy with? If you don’t see the holes in his story even as a stranger assuming you are not the poster then I pity you.
      Dear Poster, that guy just want you as a side piece cos he knows you loved him very much. See every human being knows ppl that they left whom are ready to take them back at a whim. Good ppl stay clear of toiling with such ppl’s emotions, wicked ppl exploit those people for their selfish desires. It is your duty to say No to being exploited. Refuse to be a trash bag where he comes to dump his emotions when he has issues with his real wife. I will tell you a story of an Igbo Boy and a Yoruba girl. The boy was brought up by his widowed mum. So the bond was tight. When he met the love of his life whom happened to be a yoruba babe, the mum refused and threatened to die. After much back and forth he quietly married the babe without informing anybody. When the mum found out,she came to his house wept and wept. The boy too and the wife were crying cos the woman really caused a scene with her tears. She recalled every painful moment she had trying to raise that boy, it was a pitiful scene, but you know what the boy followed his heart. If you know what it takes for an Igbo boy to disobey his widowed mum. You will know that if a man loves you he will damn all consequences.
      Value yourself and leave that fool, that has no respect for the sanctity of marriage. He will never marry you!! Tiem bet! (bet me). Go away from him, if after two years of no contact you meet him again and both of you are single and still attracted to each other. Of course you can go ahead but for now leave the fool be!

  39. Mz Titilitious

    June 7, 2016 at 9:17 am

    His parents forced him? isn’t he man enough to decide who he wants to marry? you think he loves you? if a man loves a woman he will go any length to marry the woman he loves! and you think he came back hurting because he loves you? n you think you love him? i laugh in German….. he came back because he knows you haven’t moved on , its better you erased all contact with him and wait on the Lord for your own man because my dear that guy isnt your hubby, he never was, my boo do same something “what is yours will never leave you* The man was never yours!

  40. Ms. Was There

    June 7, 2016 at 9:33 am

    Dear Ms. Maybe Second Wife,

    The one and only true advise has been given by @Person. Never have truer words been spoken:

    “When he has his completed divorce papers in his hands, he should come back then. Till that time, face your own!”

    Signed with plenty of love and prayers,
    Mrs. Happily Married Now

    PS:
    Don’t entertain any contact with him TILL HE HAS THOSE PAPERS. Also DON’T SIT AND WAIT FOR HIM AND THOSE PAPERS OH! Go about your life FULLY knowing that what is meant for you WILL ALWAYS FIND YOU.

  41. Mgbeke

    June 7, 2016 at 9:37 am

    Chai madam poster, I pirry you. you don’t know men. they would tell u anything to gbensh you. Your ex is just looking for fresh kitty to gbensh. perhaps the wife is pregnant or just put to bed. don’t let married men deceive you oooo. Oya just agree to marry him and see how he would run. y’all dated for just one year and you are so convinced he wanted to marry you. looooool. I laugh at your naiveté. Are you from his tribe? I guess not. you were the side chick even when y’all were dating. Look at your mouth like “he doesn’t want sex cos I cant cook” what is the correlation between food and sex biko. a horny married man is looking for adventure and you are here thinking of a future with him. how old are you sef. you get luck say u no be my friend. I for don slap the mumurity comot for your head. if you like open your legs for him let him chop you and release all his pent up conji in your system. Let me tell you men are crafty, he never wanted to marry you, he might haven even met this chick before you. was it the parents that chaiked the girl for him? did they pay for the girls bride price? did they buy suit for him and force him to wear it? I feel like giving u a keyboard slap for even believing his jargon sef, don’t fall for it again o. you are about to become a very cheap side chick cos he knows you are all emotional for him therefore he wont even give u a dime when he gbenshes you. he will sleep in your house, chop your food, chop your toto, drive potential suitors away with him presence, the best he can do is to remove his wedding band when you are together, and wear it back as soon as he enters his car. then when he is tired he will stop picking your calls and tag you as the “ex that doesn’t wont to move on” to his wife. they would kiss and make up, and you would have lost another bit of your life to him,

  42. Huh?

    June 7, 2016 at 10:05 am

    Poster, please what do you mean by the statement: “He isn’t after sex because I couldn’t cook when we met, but he loved me that way.”?? I don’t get it. You think sex and food are the same thing or what? What does your cooking ability have to do with him wanting sex? Anyway, please don’t fall for this guy and his stories that touch. Don’t miss out on better things ahead because of someone that couldn’t stand up to his parents for your sake.

  43. Hali

    June 7, 2016 at 10:08 am

    Let him divorce his wife and marry you.

  44. imustdropacomment

    June 7, 2016 at 10:09 am

    Oh my world…girl i feel you guys deserve each other, the other woman stole him from you outright….shes the bitch in the picture, shes the one that needs to get the boot not you my dear you are oooh soooo puurrrfect….. IDIOTA

    Is this what you want?To validate & revalidation that the thing that you are about to do is A-ok …..non sans no way…u should bear the burden of making the decision yourself, bear the consequences yourself…don’t ask us cos im sure u have ur mind made up…..

  45. Ndidi

    June 7, 2016 at 10:49 am

    He could not choose you when he was called to,
    He could not honor and respect the wife he married,
    He’s currently cheating on his wife,
    He’s having his cake and eating it with you.
    Yet he’s the best??
    My dear flee…
    He’s a godless, self centered, selfish man, who takes what he wants when he wants it.
    Forget about his calm and gentle exterior. His fruits speak for him.
    When he gets tired of you, he will find another, and why not??

  46. Mrs SI

    June 7, 2016 at 11:18 am

    This poster sef. You came to a married woman’s blog to ask for advice on being a second wife. You get mind o. You should have gone to SDK blog let them give you “real” advice that will reset your brain. Everyone that is sugarcoating it here because na dem mature pass, if it happened to them they wouldn’t be as nice either. If this is the life you have chosen for yourself, okay o. But you and the man should please do this with his wife in mind, settle her financially and let her go. And please NO insults or false accusations on her head to make yourselves look or feel better. That’s disgusting and wicked and your karma will be increased from 80% to 100%

  47. Tia

    June 7, 2016 at 2:15 pm

    you are stupid sha, imagine the effrontery, let them born any ex well to make this kind of proposition, I will boil you inside hot water and serve u as a meal to ur parents who allegedly refused that we get married.
    This guy just insulted you,you were not worth marrying at first instance and now you are busy considering being a 2nd wife and a glorified side chick, ur brain needs serious resetting oo.

  48. Mama

    June 7, 2016 at 4:39 pm

    The fact that you don’t feel insulted that he is asking you to be second wife bothers me. Not only that, you are even entertaining the idea. Mbanu! Please, place value on yourself. Let him take his crocodile tears to his wife. I won’t even comment on the aspect of him being ‘forced’ as it has already been dealt with. Actually, I lied; I will say something on that. So h claims to be miserable in the marriage but that has not stopped him from sleeping with his wife I’m sure. If you check carefully now, she may even be heavily pregnant. Madam, please use your head before this time waster (thats exactly what he is) wrecks not just your present but your future. How are you sure he will stop at second wife? Tomorrow he damn the consequences and add third and fourth. If you haven’t met anyone after him then learn to enjoy being single and see this as a period of self discovery. Cheer up! This too shall pass.

  49. ogeAdiro

    June 7, 2016 at 4:43 pm

    Can people please stop with this “man enough” nonsense? Some of you make men sound like small gods. Because someone is a man doesn’t make him any less stupid, confused, emotionally unstable etc… And yes, some grown men (even financially successful ones) have a hard time when it comes to these matters. And yes, a lot of men are influenced by their family and friends when it comes to marriage.

    Madam, your ex has stated what he wants (for you to be his 2nd wife). If you truly believe that he’s the best for you, and you truly do not want to destroy his current marriage, then it sounds like you need to figure out how being his 2nd wife will affect his current marriage. If it sounds like it’ll destroy it, then you say bye bye. If not, then congrats, madam 2nd wife!

  50. Moyo

    June 7, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    A word they say is enough for the wise, the summary of the advice here says, flee, run, if he insists that it is you he wants, let him get a divorce, no 2nd wife things, he wants to eat his cake and have it, I can bet you that you will never see those divorce papers till you die. Wait for your own man and send this man on his merry way. No be today yansh dey back. We know their type

  51. Tru

    June 7, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    She loves him enough to consider being a second wife, but she has a good enough head on her shoulders to come to BN and ask advice, knowing full well that all the commenters, in Righteous Rage, will with one voice, say, “Girl!!! Shey wa alright???” ?
    Meanwhile BN me I do not understand this ad that keeps popping up and disturbing my typing and reading, shu

  52. Bukie

    June 7, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    Hey dear,

    He is definitely not for you.

    Please wait on God patiently and do not settle for anything less, second wife is never an option.

    God will definitely bring you YOUR man with no hassels.

    Stay Blezd

  53. lulu

    June 7, 2016 at 10:16 pm

    I understand how you feel and the emotion of loving him before he married someone else is still overwhelming but don’t make a permanent decision based on feelings. If he truly loved you he would have damned the consequence and married you. Firstly you need the stress that comes with being a second wife ooh, how would you deal with the first wife and many more issues that may arise.
    I feel he is selfish and is reaching out to you after you should have moved on with your life. God hasn’t forgotten you and will give you the best gift ever. Please hold on and pray for God’s grace to forget him

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa
css.php