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Olawunmi Esan: What Do You Have on Your Sexual Bucket List?

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dreamstime_s_815911I was speaking with a friend the other day and naturally sex came up, Yes, I enjoy talking about sex. In the course of our conversation, we began reeling off a list of our sexual escapades and wondering at the extent of the outlandish things we had done. It was fun.

As the conversation progressed, I asked if there were other things she would like to do sexually that she hadn’t done, she answered in the affirmative and so began the sex bucket list.

We began listing the sexual things we would like to do with our husbands and setting timelines to them. Needless to say, one of the things on the bucket list was actioned that night.

When it comes to sex in marriage, it gets very tempting to stick with the same old thing all the time. I mean, it’s super comfortable to lie on your side and spoon, especially when you both get orgasms that way. Why would anyone want to rock the boat?

Well….. Newsflash, sex should not be treated like a comfortable old pair of jeans, that you can slip into anytime without much work. Of course I don’t mean, it has to be uncomfortable or painful, but sex should be exciting, it should be something you look forward to. Giving up your body to the pleasure your spouse provides and pleasuring their body as well, should be thrilling adventure rather than a boring chore.

Yes, there will be times when you should relax and enjoy the familiarity of ‘not much effort required’ sex, however making that your standard operating procedure may be the beginning of the end of an exciting sex life.

Sex should be an act you look forward to. Every time you have sex is an opportunity to discover something new about your spouse, an opportunity to discover more erogenous zones that will drive them wild. And what’s more, the bucket list takes it to a whole new level of amazingness.

Now your bucket list doesn’t necessarily have to be a wild one. If that’s not what you are into, you are under no pressure to do make it wild. The essence of the bucket list is to bring to the fore, other pleasurable possibilities that you and your spouse can explore and enjoy sexually. Going a step further by setting a timeline to it takes accountability to a whole new delightful level.

Your bucket list could be as simple as identifying a new place you would like to have sex; say moving from the bedroom to the kitchen or living room, or changing the position to one you have never tried or incorporating new things like a sex toy.

Whatever you would like to put on your list is entirely up to. However, please remember that the activities on your list should bring pleasure to your spouse, as well as, yourself. There’s no point having a bucket list that would make your spouse show up to work bowlegged after sex with you.

Now what are you waiting for? Go ahead, put your bucket list together and have a blast ticking each one off.

Thank me later.

P.S  In honour of Democracy day, I am giving out a free 30 minute Online Sex coaching session to the first 10 married/engaged people to register HERE. The next 10 will get a 50% discount .  What can I say, I am a patriotic Nigerian. Maybe if people have better sex, there will be less irritated people everywhere……Hurry now.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Olawunmi Esan is a trained Psychotherapist, who specializes as a Sex Therapist & Coach. She helps couples take Sexual Intimacy from Routine to Mind-blowing and has worked with over 1,000 individuals and couples to help them enjoy more fulfilling Intimacy and Sex lives. She is a founding member of The African Association of Professional Counsellors (ANEPCO) and the Founder of The Thriving Family, a Counselling Organisation working to promote positive and well balanced family life. You can learn more about her work HERE Olawunmi is married with children.

51 Comments

  1. Shiorrrr

    June 1, 2016 at 7:28 pm

    Shiorrrrrr!!!

    • Oma

      June 1, 2016 at 10:35 pm

      What is shioooor here? Are you underage?

  2. thatgirl

    June 1, 2016 at 8:05 pm

    I want to fcuk a girl and let my bf lick his cum off my pu**y.
    Bella Naija abeg post this, it’s a se* article after all

    • Wale

      June 1, 2016 at 11:51 pm

      You are so nasty??

  3. UNCLE GWE GWE GWE

    June 1, 2016 at 8:11 pm

    That was how I heard a scary sound trying to perform a new style…lo and behold my dick was broken…all these for less than 10mins of fun??????now Av crossed my legs like a mermaid too.. No bed warming for any woman. Missionary style or NOTHING ?

  4. Rahama

    June 1, 2016 at 8:49 pm

    Seriously? A sex post just for married people? Ummm a lot of us singles have no guilt sex and are not ashamed to say we enjoy premarital sex. We have things on our bucket lists too. I want a threesome. I have fantasised about me and another woman. I’m sure a lot of hypocrites will call me out but it is what it is

    • "changing moniker"

      June 1, 2016 at 9:52 pm

      Where did she say it was just for married people?

    • Shri Shri

      June 2, 2016 at 8:11 am

      Even for the celibate ones, it doesnt’t hurt to have a bucket list already. Oh and the fantasies mehn…… endless!

    • here

      June 2, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      Rahama, can we do three sum? where do you stay

      It is awesome and out of this world. Let me describe how it went
      A got B & C to the bed and teases them
      A got B & c to feel at ease with each other and touch themselves
      A asks B to join him to tease and work on C
      A asks C to join him to tease and work on B
      A penetrates B and C still playing with B’s nipples
      A penetrates C and B still playing with C’s nipples
      B & C gets on A. B rides A while C sits on A
      B & C thanks A for the adventure
      B & C never stops calling A and want more of it

      where:
      A is Me
      B is 1st lady
      C is the 2nd lady lady

      But in this Case,
      A is Me
      B is Rahama
      C is the 2nd lady lady

    • Rahama

      June 2, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      So so hot!!!! I’m turned on ooo. Mo gbe.
      Love the way you described it! How do we hook up?

    • here

      June 3, 2016 at 8:44 am

      hotguy.2016 at yahoo dot come Rahama

  5. "changing moniker"

    June 1, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    I haven’t read the post sef. .I’m waiting for @bodunade to show up. ..I’ll be back.

    • Mr. Egghead

      June 1, 2016 at 10:30 pm

      Why are you waiting for him? You want him to cum on your face ??

    • Oniye

      June 2, 2016 at 12:08 am

      Abeg abeg we’re talking about cool guys and you razz caveman Mr Egghead is chooking head. Aren’t you like a caveman or something? Biko go and join your fellow chauvinist cavemen in the stone age make yeye no dey smell here

    • Californiabawlar

      June 2, 2016 at 10:27 am

      You know @changingmonikers could very well be a dude right? Wouldn’t you like to join that party. Awon smellos.

    • Rahama

      June 1, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      Shebi you see yourself? You haven’t even read the thing and you were asking me if she said it was only for married people. Mind yasef o

    • Bodunade

      June 2, 2016 at 6:58 pm

      @changing monikers
      Yes to that question from yesterday or so *lol*

  6. nwa nna

    June 1, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    Go ahead and live a little folks! Explore and enjoy your sex life safely… My sex bucket list is too blue film to post on BN biko 😛

  7. Abuja Bored Girl

    June 1, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    @Rahama the fact that someone doesn’t agree or buy your opinion doesn’t make the person a hypocrite. The writer is right in writing a sex post exclusively for married people cos that’s where sex should take place, IN MARRIAGE WITH YOUR SPOUSE. I know I’m not the only single person who believes premarital sex is wrong. Read my blog memoirsofanabujaboredgirl.blogspot.com to find out more.

    • Rahama

      June 1, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      Could be why you’re bored in Abuja and people are out there ‘cashing’ fun. Live a little. Get you a bf, fwb or whatever and enjoy yourself nne. Life is too short. Who has time to go to your blog that will be as unrealistic and boring as you are…..??

    • emmy

      June 1, 2016 at 11:55 pm

      Wow girl, calm your titties. What is ridiculous or wrong about a sex post just for married people?
      Do you need someone to say the post is for unmarried people before you make your own guiltless pre-marital sex bucket list?

      Live and let live Rahama.

    • The real dee

      June 2, 2016 at 5:15 am

      Rahama, I would have ignored your comment and moved on BUT i have resolved that I will never hide the truth again because I don’t want to see people go to hell again, it’s hard but maybe my comment can touch you, only God knows.

      You see my dear, a time comes in a man/woman’s life when the last breath is taken and death finally comes. Usually, that day comes unexpectedly, he/she had no time to prepare. Now, dying is not the issue, the issue is what happens after death.

      And the worst thing that can happen to a soul is dying and going to hell fire, northern nigerian sun is not hot o, 500degrees of the oven is not hot o, hell fire is on another level. If you keep up this pre-marital sex and other sins you are involved in without repenting, when death comes, there’s no opportunity again, it’s straight to that everlasting fire with worms and intense torment. My dear, no amount of earthly fun derived in sin is worth going there o. Abeg, please, jo, biko repent, I don’t want you to go to hell fire o!

      Now you may say, I should mind my business and focus on making heaven. My dear, that is what I am doing o, with my heart, body, soul and spirit. Repenting of sins that I commit, avoiding sin like a plague and constantly seeking the Holy Spirit to help me live a holy life pleasing to God.

      I saw some dead bodies this week and that thought of eternity kept flashing in my mind. One day, it will be over.

    • Oniye

      June 2, 2016 at 12:09 am

      Abeg but it’s YOUR opinion so why can’t you allow her and the many others that disagree to express theirs? Last time I checked, you’re not supposed to force your Christianity rudely down people’s throats. Abi God said be LIKE Him not be Him ie don’t judge. Abasha

  8. Cynical

    June 1, 2016 at 10:22 pm

    My BN fam……..was expecting plenty comments by now na. Of how people hung from the ceiling,mile high rendezvous etc. Biko, spill o….let some of us learn new tricks?

  9. Spunky

    June 1, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    My bucket list don full dey throwey! E remain to “do” for PJ. One day…

  10. Rahama

    June 1, 2016 at 10:40 pm

    Could be why you’re bored in Abuja and people are out there ‘cashing’ fun. Live a little. Get you a bf, fwb or whatever and enjoy yourself nne. Life is too short. Who has time to go to your blog that will be as unrealistic and boring as you are…..??

    • Puzzles

      June 2, 2016 at 12:13 am

      Be “cashing fun”. Shey you know say HIV and its cousins are real.

    • Dann

      June 2, 2016 at 8:41 am

      They are real for people who don’t use protection. Beta wrap up if you’re a guy or tell your man to wrap it up while ‘cashing’ fun. Married people too get stds when one of them has gone ‘acreeping’ FYI

  11. Bey

    June 1, 2016 at 11:56 pm

    The only thing I have on my bucket list is for my husband D to be strictly mine, and mine alone.
    Too many thirsty hoes in dis naija. Lollll
    Sex is good, but it’s even better when ur in love.
    I often wonder how all dos runz girls sleep with all dos pot bellied old men. Abi it’s dere money turning d girls on.
    I no fit, I have to be hugely sexually and physically attracted to you, to even allow a kiss.

    • Pretty girl

      June 2, 2016 at 3:55 am

      My sis it is the money that turns them on. But there are still some old men that are clean and good looking that u can date. Well not like it is a good thing. Buy those babe’s sha they are really trying home they change.

  12. fancynancy

    June 1, 2016 at 11:58 pm

    sex bucket list?? Hell yes!! I want to have sex on the plane , one of those really long flights were everyone falls asleep t some point ans we are the only ones awake and up to no good. hehehe. sex in a pool ranks high on my sex bucket list too sadly i cant swim so maybe a jacuzzi like pool in a hotel in the dead of the night, third on my list, sex in a sauna, literally in the heat of the moment, hot sweaty bodies making hot steamy passionate love … just the thought gets me excited. lol. ladies and gentlemen, these are my confessions. *drops mic*

    • Chai

      June 2, 2016 at 8:56 am

      Yawnnnnnnn. How dry. You’re not even imaginative.

    • Jade

      June 2, 2016 at 10:02 am

      Chai, You that you are imaginative say your own. Annoying child.
      Fancynancy, we imagine alike. Pool is definitely part of mine. I wouldn’t mind the sauna. Plane, too many eyes secretly watching.

  13. Mabel

    June 2, 2016 at 3:37 am

    I always did want to try tantric sex, light bdsm(some bondage and spanking). Tantric sex is probably the one I want to do most though.

  14. Pretty girl

    June 2, 2016 at 4:02 am

    I have so many nasty things that I will love to do but me I don’t have the strength to be wasting my time and strength on boyfriend that won’t marry me. So keeping it for husband to be. Pls God as u are blessing me with a husband pls i want him to be Tiger on bed and pls hunny don’t waste your energy on another babe oh ur hunnybon is here waiting.

  15. elevator

    June 2, 2016 at 9:36 am

    my sex bucket list is to be stuck in an elevator with this guy i am secretly crushing on and have a Bomb-like sex………………… woosh

  16. @ Olawunmi

    June 2, 2016 at 9:40 am

    Olawunmi, are you married?

    If you are not married, how can you be a sex coach and love talking about sex (as you said in your post)?

    MAKE SURE YOU REPLY ME, I AM WAITING

    • el Dunte

      June 25, 2016 at 10:23 pm

      She is married and sure doing a good job at it. …just say her husband is lucky…. he gets it as she thinks and writes it.

  17. Abuja Bored Girl

    June 2, 2016 at 9:48 am

    @Rahama it pained you so much, you had to comment twice??? Hahahaha, I pity you.

    • Rahama

      June 2, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      Yes it pained me o. Pained me that you’re in a whole Abuja and you’re bored. Sex is fun… Repeat it to yourself sweetie. Madam Abuja ‘Boring’ girl aka I’m too good to have premarital sex. Now Run along and do one of your dry blog posts while fantasising about ????? ????

  18. Dee

    June 2, 2016 at 10:02 am

    My sex fantasy is to have hot sex in the shower but it never works for Hubby and I. He’s quite tall and I am short so it never works as we are quite disproportionate in height. Abeg I don’t know how else to explain the matter. Biko any tips on how to successfully do this without wearing heels in the shower to bring up my height (at the risk of landing in A&E) will be welcome.

    • here

      June 2, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      Wow Dee!
      It is sweet!
      I do this and its the best- with the shower directly on you both and when you hitting it, the feel of the water splashing on both bodies

      But i do basically with those almost same height so penetration easy. U can try a dodgy style in the shower, it will work. He can also sit in d shower/bath tube yle you sit on him; He could also carry you/pin you to the wall-all of these would do for you people

    • xoxox

      June 2, 2016 at 12:32 pm

      I bet doggy style would work…lol it does work for bae and i tho………

    • Person

      June 2, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      since he is taller, you should encourage him to carry you and do the needful. If you are a lil on the heavy side, just stick to doggystyle in the shower.

  19. Enny heart heart

    June 2, 2016 at 12:47 pm

    Omg but my fiancee is so coy. Like I want him to slap the bum bum while blowing the back, to cum in my mouth and not be scared to at least finger the pussy when we’re out in “public”, like in the club. I want to use toys and oh I wish he’d eat his food off my naked body. #sighs…

    I’m just being patient cos I know we got the rest of our lives together. *winks*

  20. olulinks

    June 2, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    Yes, doggy! You can aswell kneel on the edge of the tub. Anyway, I think singles see this session thing as the all in all of relationship. But I bet you, the struggles of making ends meet as a married man or woman that you would still become later will so much occupy you that you won’t hold this as thing in high esteem again but just a normal thing to do in marriage.

  21. naijamess

    June 2, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    I did it with a young calabar catholic priest on the beach, oh my gosh that guy can do it. Did it so many times on the flight because i travel alots.on my bucket list is doing it inside the lift,

  22. tos

    June 2, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    @Dee a doggy style could work for you both….and you dont need to put on heels for that…thank me later!xx

  23. Dee

    June 2, 2016 at 10:35 pm

    Yay!!. Thanks in advance to everyone for the sex in shower tips. I knew I could count on my bellanaija peeps. Lol. Carrying me in the shower won’t work because it is a bath tub. To avoid ‘sex sent me to the ER stories’. I’m definitely trying all the other tips.

  24. Bedmatics

    June 3, 2016 at 3:02 am

    Why are Nigerians so frigid, the comment session was fir you to share yours not attack other comments, we all have opinions anyhow here’s my bucket list fantasy
    1. want a 3 some with , fair 3some….by fair I mean very fair 2 sessions ,First session me and him & another female, second session me him and a male.

    2. Him handcuffed to the bed helpless whilst I tease him before forking his brains out

    3. I want to squirt on his face & watch him lick it like an obedient cat washing himself

    I bet you all are thinking what kind of creep is this one so imma just stop here before I get you all wet

    • here

      June 3, 2016 at 8:56 am

      Wont you just stop at the first 3 sum? You want you, him and another male?
      erm you may not live to give the testimony of the sweetness
      You may pass out from there girl
      Two guys on you alone can go down south!

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