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“Over praying does not make one a better husband or wife” – Charly Boy replies Pastor Adeboye in New Article

BellaNaija.com

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Charly Boy

In a new article titled “Must You Marry?”, veteran musician Charly Boy is responding to the comments made by RCCG’s General Overseer, Pastor Adeboye, with regards to cooking abilities in a marriage and praying abilities in a marriage.

Read Charlyboy’s post below as culled from his website.

For the past few days, Pastor Adeboye’s advice to youths on marriage has been trending all over the place. The “good pastor” yarns tell me that he is a man suspended in time, between old and new school. Don’t get it twisted; in as much as I flow with his definition of a good woman, from his statement I see that the obvious way to his heart is through his stomach and of cause through prayers. Good, No wahala!

However our amiable Pastor rubs it in when he starts to yarn Akpata, “Marry a warrior, if a girl cannot pray for one hour, don’t marry her. Don’t marry a girl who is lazy, who cannot cook. She needs to know how to do chores and cook because you cannot afford to eat out at all times” Hmmm na wa! Really? Seriously?

So if my wife to be can’t rant, chant, shout and generally carry on as a prayer warrior, praying for a whole hour, the woman doesn’t deserve a wife status. Abi?

Oga Pastor, that one na missyarn. Over praying does not make one a better husband or wife, because the world especially Naija is filled with fake people and “fakest” pastors. Does a man having a job guarantee that he will make a good husband? Does a woman knowing how to cook guarantee she will make a good wife? Haba.

Ok I get it, the Nigerian god has an ear infection, so we must shout and pray for hours because that’s the only way he may listen to our prayers, right? I know that a man is supposed to marry a helper and not a cook or a house girl. By the way, is anything wrong with encouraging your young male congregation to learn how to cook and do chores too?

“Do not marry a worldly lady” what the heck does that mean? Is it about being materialistic or just being fashionable, looking nice. I guess in your book we can’t be good Christians if we got swag and we are trendy. Judge, not pastor. We must all not look like Deeper Life people to have a personal relationship with God. By the way, if you want to start writing your own commandment you may as well write your own version of the bible for your congregation. Na una way.

Being married should never define a man or a woman. Marriage in a few years anyways, will be out of fashion. Being married is only nice if we are lucky to pick a partner who will be our friend, if not, that maybe hell on earth. All of us must not get married if our threshold for nonsense and garbage is low. The world is obviously changing and we are no longer in the 60s. Who wants to be suffering and smiling? Most importantly marriage should not be a milestone for anyone. Yes o.

Like I always say, it will take two to tango. Marriage only works when partners are determined to make it work. It can never be a merit badge, or a status for happiness. Many of us are enslaved in our myopic mindset that makes a mess out of what should really be a good friendship. So Oga Pastor Adeboye, watch your yarns because a lot of people look up to you, Biko. I don talk my own.

92 Comments

  1. marlvina

    August 5, 2016 at 11:48 am

    So who should be cooking for the children? Is it the house-help? Tomorrow they will complain the house-help has won the heart of their husband and obviously sleeping with him. A woman shld know her role in the family. Personally, not knowing how to cook shld NOT be a prerequisite for marriage, but it’s vital the woman learns how to cook while in the marriage at least.

    • Corolla

      August 5, 2016 at 1:12 pm

      It is vital for any adult, female or male, to know how to cook so they can nourish themselves and their kids!

    • Panda

      August 5, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      The husband and his wife can cook for their children? Or both learn how to. How is it that when the woman can’t cook, the next person to think of is a maid? The husband is there now.
      If a man can’t cook, he shouldn’t have a requirement that his wife should know how to cook, that’s hypocritical, unless it’s a give or take thing and he can do another daily chore.
      Also leaving your wife for the maid/cheating because she can’t cook is called blame shifting, that ish happens in Nigeria too often.

    • marlvina

      August 5, 2016 at 1:20 pm

      I’m not looking at it from the western side of view. Where there are shifts, part time Jobs or stay at home dad’s etc. In the African setting where most men are the ones working, so you expect him to get back from work at 5pm to cook for the children? Pls be realistic.

    • Confuzzled

      August 5, 2016 at 2:03 pm

      In the African setting most women work. Whether its petty trading, farming, or white collar work, most women contribute financially to the home. What are you talking about?

    • Californiabawlar

      August 5, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      @Marvina….no disrespect intended but how old are you? In which African setting do most men only work? Lols. If you’re an adult, look around your workplace on Monday and count the number of men vs. women. Come back and tell us. Lol.

    • Marlvina

      August 5, 2016 at 3:31 pm

      @ confuzzled Oh please stop putting up a front on social media! Deep down in your hearts, you know what’s proper! As you grew up were your fathers always cooking in the kitchen? Even the women who do side businesses as trading etc still have to create more time for their families as compared to most men who work in the offices that require a strict time schedule. Does of you ladies shouting men should cook, even when you get married I am most certain YOU will be doing the cooking yourselves. You think you easily will find that man who will always accept such responsibility? DREAM ON!!!

      @carlifoniabawlar I am a married Akwa Ibom lady and I enjoy cooking for my husband. The joy and smile I see all over his face whenever I serve the dishes or when he enters the kitchen when I’m cooking; is so beautiful. He always longs for my meals. He detest eating out. I cook both African and continental dishes. Cooking is adventurous, I strive to learn all kinds of dishes. The interesting part is my My husband knows how to cook very well, On some days I allow him handle the kitchen; but that doesn’t mean that cooking should be his primary role in the family. He is a very busy man and just because society is pushing towards men cooking won’t warrant me to start nagging and requesting he remains in the kitchen! Just because Amaka’s husband does the cooking always. Every home can’t be the same. Every man can’t act the same.

      Even those lil girls who form girlfriends and side chicks here and there; aren’t they the ones always going to their boyfriend’s houses to cook and wash boxers? Oh so you can do such chores for your boyfriends but when you get married you start nagging. Nonsense!!

      P.S No wonder so many marriages don’t work today, cus of such petty arguments that lead to divorce.

    • Nahum

      August 5, 2016 at 8:04 pm

      Marlvina you are an idiot. Pray tell, which woman do you know in your family that is not working or doing some type of hustle?? Name one!!! So after hustling for money, she still has to come home, help the kids with homework, clean, wash clothes, etc. Why can’t the father of the children pick up just ONE chore and help his wife out? Please why? Are Nigerian men so lazy that lending a hand to their overworked wives is such an abomination?? This has nothing to do with culture, our men are just lazy, over pampered babies.

    • Mr. Egghead

      August 6, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Marlvina, God bless you.
      It is odd that what should seem to be a natural progression of nurturing/maternal instincts is now being made to be a duty?
      Well, nobody is forcing anybody

    • Lmao

      August 5, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Please most women in Nigeria cook. Even the ones that are the sole providers. Doesn’t stop their husbands from sleeping with the nannies, the neighbor, and everybody else that agrees to sleep with him. My mechanic cheats on his housewife, my MD cheats on his career wife- all women cook. Alakija always makes speech about how she cooks for her husband- but he cheats on her and cooks for his mistresses. *refrains from insulting you* Nigerian women live their lives trying to please their husbands who are pleased- but cheating. So don’t play yourself.

    • Engoz

      August 5, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Anon Today

      August 5, 2016 at 7:35 pm

      Nigerian women are great. They cook, they never cheat, ever faithful, they work and provide for the family too, almost perfect. But somehow they continually raise men who cheat, can’t cook, can’t clean, can’t pray, spend lots of time at beer gardens, and also depend on their spouses who occupy all the offices. Great logic! Those ‘irresponsible’ men were birthed and nurtured by the same world-famous superwomen. Wonderful job they do.
      About Charlyboy, he has never let an opportunity to attack Christianity pass him by. Not that it’s such a big deal. In a country where people get killed because they are Christians, Charly is not that terrible. The problem is when he twists the facts. Pst. Adeboye wasn’t speaking in tongues. He spoke in English language. But where he said ‘pray’ Charles used ‘rant’ ‘shout’ (or whatever. I didn’t bother reading twice). ‘pray for one hour’ became ‘overpray’. Maybe he doesn’t know that Adeboye himself never shouts, whether in prayers or singing. I don’t know of another pastor who’s as calm as Adeboye.
      Back in the days in his Charlyboy Show, he proudly asked who created God, with such faked look of confrontation. On that premise and more, I’m disposed to think that Charles does not pray, not as a christian. So how could such a man know when a prayer has been overdone? Well, as Egghead noted- you can’t overpray.
      Charles’ mastery of English language is not in doubt. He didn’t misunderstand Adeboye. He just chose to twist it. Perhaps to come across as the 21st century 60-year-old who’s still controversial and trendy.
      I agree that marriage may cease to be fashionable in years to come. But so will strong families, values and ultimately society as we know it. It’s not really a prospect to be upbeat about.
      That said, this matter is simple. Two can’t be together unless they agree. If a man proposes (or you propose), tell him you’ll never cook, or you’ll do it for 3- 4 days in a week or he’ll be the cook as you’re such a busy career woman. He’ll only agree or disagree. No be by force.

    • Nahum

      August 5, 2016 at 8:06 pm

      God bless you. If you like, jump through hoops of fire, Nigerian men will still cheat. They don’t care because they feel they answer to no one.

    • Houstonian

      August 6, 2016 at 10:15 am

      Your husband “detest” eating out cos he’s either broke and can’t afford it or he’s got a stagnant mentality where eating out may be considered bad. You need serious EXPOSURE, Marlvina.

    • Anon Today

      August 6, 2016 at 6:48 pm

      Marlvina,
      I know it’s kind of stale, I know it’s a bit late, I know you may never read this comment. It’s probably unnecessary, but I hope the benevolent spirits direct you to it.
      You’ve been called ‘idiot’, ‘unexposed’ because you explained what you do with ease that keeps your home, because you cook for your husband and children, because you think many others do. Oh, they also suggested your husband is broke and could not afford to eat out.
      I hope you’re not one to be worried over e-insults by strangers, you shouldn’t be. Your comment is not the type that attracts lots of likes on BN, but it makes sense from the first to the last word. Yours might just be the most realistic and candid for this post.
      You must bear in mind that some of the people who gave different opinions actually share the same thoughts in their closets. Some of them don’t want to sound ‘unexposed’, some don’t want to be called idiots. They are just not as bold as you are. It’s ridiculous you have to be called bold for saying what everyone knows but as a woman on BN that’s what you are: bold.
      Know ye also that each time someone insults you for making a harmless comment as you did here, you’re much bigger, wiser and more exposed than them.
      You’re not alone.

    • mz_titilitious

      August 8, 2016 at 2:48 pm

      I’m with you and Marlvina on this!

    • ini

      August 8, 2016 at 3:06 pm

      Any man that follows a woman just because she cooks is worse than a dog or wild animal because even animals know enough to stay with people who show them and affection and not just give them food.

      It is clear that most Nigerian men are less than dogs if all it takes to ‘get ‘ them is food . I wish him and the house girl good luck

  2. the naira

    August 5, 2016 at 11:56 am

    i like his response to adeboye, i think this pastor is too old to think intelligently anymore….. come on no reasonable person wants a wife who prays for an hour and disturbs the whole neighborhood because she thinks god is deaf or doesn’t already know what you are praying for. we men just wanna come back home after a hard days work and relax, not get bombarded with noise and prayers against the devil lol !

    • Lailatu

      August 5, 2016 at 12:40 pm

      Pastor Adeboye never said shout for an hour, he gave advice, take it or leave it. Nobody is forcing it on you, it hasnt been passed into law. At the end of the day, people will do what they want to do. So no need to burn your bra. Besides he didnt leave men out. Just hope that the day doesnt come that you will find yourself on your knees crying to God for over an hour without even realising it.

    • Mama

      August 5, 2016 at 4:10 pm

      God bless you for this response.! There was a time in my life I used to say i ddin’t know how to fast until my eyes started seeing things my mouth cannot speak of. What does uncle Charly mean by “over praying”? Never knew there was such a thing. Why are people taking Pastor Adeboye’s advise so literal? Saying not to marry a woman who can’t pray for one hour is could be another way of saying marry someone with spiritual depth and grounding. Even if he meant it literally, he knows his audience, so what gives? Majority of the people complaining do not even attend his church or listen to his sermons just like me here.

    • Arrow From The Full Quiver.

      August 5, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      THIS? is who or what is “”replying”” Pastor E. A. Adeboye?!!!

      “” Amaziah was twenty-five years old when he became king, … When Amaziah returned from slaughtering the Edomites, he brought back the gods of the people of Seir. He set them up as his own gods, bowed down to them and burned sacrifices to them. The anger of the Lord burned against Amaziah, and he sent a prophet to him, who said, “Why do you consult this people’s gods, which could not save their own people from your hand?” While he was still speaking, the king said to him, “Have we appointed you an adviser to the king? Stop! Why be struck down?” So the prophet stopped but said, “I know that God has determined to destroy you, because you have done this and have not listened to my counsel.” After Amaziah king of Judah consulted his advisers, he sent this challenge to Jehoash son of Jehoahaz, the son of Jehu, king of Israel: “Come, let us face each other in battle.” But Jehoash king of Israel replied to Amaziah king of Judah:
      “A THISTLE in Lebanon sent a message to a CEDAR in Lebanon, ‘Give your daughter to my son in marriage.’ Then a wild beast in Lebanon came along and trampled the thistle underfoot.”
      You say to yourself that you have defeated Edom, and now you are arrogant and proud. But stay at home! Why ask for trouble and cause your own downfall and that of Judah also?”””
      – 2 Chronicles 25

      “”A thistle in Lebanon””, a thistle, a small inconsequential thing whose head the wind blows as soft down all about in the air anyhow, that children have fun with catching and blowing about, a thistle became so puffed up and overblown with pride and its own sense of importance and purported to send messengers to a whole “”cedar in Lebanon””. That is like … what local example … any small wildflower or plant that grows along the road, anywhere in Nigeria sending messengers to an iroko tree in Nigeria. That is like …

      Pray (oh, sorry, meditate?) that it is that “”Nigerian god”” you mentioned that replies you and not the Almighty God Who Pastor E. A. Adeboye serves.

      And for all of you who joined him and aligned with him in your comments, plus those who took him as mentor and also referred to “”god”” in their comments, please remember, and if you do not know, please familiarise yourselves with the story of Korah, Dathan and Abiram in the Bible; most especially note what happens to “”all those associated with them.””

      Finally, when I read comments such as these (e.g. “I think this pastor is too old to reason intelligently … no reasonable person …” You call a man more than old enough to be your grandfather, unintelligent, you say he is not a reasonable person.), it makes me all the more determined that the devil will not have this country and inspires me to pray all the more as well as the efforts I can make in the natural. The issue here is not even a matter of spirituality, of whether you are Christians or follow any religion. You don’t have “”home training””. Or, perhaps, as the Yoruba maxim says, you were given home training but refused to receive the home training. Our African, not only Nigerian, culture teaches the respect of elders and to speak to elders, even when you disagree with them, with respect. This in embedded, it is innate, it is intrinsic to our culture as Africans. “”By their fruits, ye shall know them.”” If you are, as evidenced by your “”fruits”‘/comments not Christian, and you are also, not African, what, and who, are you?

      Many of you take delight on these blogs, on social media, in trumpeting that you are Christians and then go on to make the most ignorant and/or half-baked comments. It is always clear that you feel you have succeeded in making a definitive show of your brilliance and intelligence, your civlised, modern, model rational thinking and powers of analysis, and, who can miss your giant-size feelings of superiority which simply just ooze and seep out of your comments like the pungent, putrid, nausea-inducing stench from an overflowing cesspool (I’d rather not use any noun more descriptive/direct)? How ironic! If only you knew just how much the very opposite is what you show yourselves to be in your comments.

      If you truly read your Bibles, those who claim to be Christians, that is, you would have known that there is NOTHING the servant of God has said, that does not have Scriptural backing, witness or precedent.

      Seems it seems you at least read blogs, you don’t even need to do that which clearly you find an insurmountable challenge i.e. reading the Bible, you can just go to the page on this same blog/BN where the story was initially featured and read all the answers and proper “”replies”” already given in various comments citing the backing Scriptures and Scriptural precedents for Pastor E. A. Adeboye’s counsel.

      If after that exercise, the scales finally fall from your eyes and you are hit with the realisation that you have been fighting The Almighty God, the Word of God Himself and not man, you can choose to repent and cry to the Almighty God for mercy (Paul the Apostle did, when the scales fell from his own eyes), or …

    • lacey

      August 5, 2016 at 11:30 pm

      Thank you [email protected] Arrow From the Full Quiver!Daddy G O was addressing his own congregation in Church o! He did not invite the Nja peeps who are obviously living the Babylonian life style!
      All they do is deceive themselves!Who like make he carry demon put for house as spouse!na them sabi! I love cooking as a Woman and will cook for my husband ,kids and extended family!The last time I was in Nigeria most of their restaurants in Ajinomoto and heavy seasoning! It s only in places like yellow chilli and terra culture that you will get food with natural flavor,all others is stale food! I like my food natural with healthy ingredients, so anywoman that is waiting for her husband to cook for her is not ready for marriage!My man can decide to go into the kitchen to whip a menu once in a while, when he feels,like,but his place is not in my kitchen!All the married women I know in this America cook for their husbands! If the Man gets home and the wife is not back from work,he could boil rice or put already made meal in the microwave for himself and children!So leave this full fake generation let them continue to blasphem!God will surely answer them!

    • Chichi

      August 6, 2016 at 3:56 am

      As a Christain am offended for you to say what he said has scriptural backing, please where is the scriptures in the bible that backs what Pastor Adeboye said? Just one scripture, being a Christain does not mean we accept everything said by a Pastor, yes they are men/women of God but they are also human and like the rest of us are prone to being bias.

    • It Is Well O! #Reading Culture is a Necessity.

      August 6, 2016 at 11:31 am

      @Chichi, did you do what @ArrowFTFQ says before rushing to write your lazy comment?

      I saw the various Scriptures from various people and examples from the Bible, even to explain the reasoning behind the beard matter. Let me helpfully remind of what @Arrow says (which you supposedly have read before replying to):

      “”Seems it seems you at least read blogs, you don’t even need to do that which clearly you find an insurmountable challenge i.e. reading the Bible, you can just go to the page on this same blog/BN where the story was initially featured and read all the answers and proper “”replies”” already given in various comments citing the backing Scriptures and Scriptural precedents for Pastor E. A. Adeboye’s counsel.””

    • Mama

      August 6, 2016 at 11:48 am

      @Lacey‥Ajinomoto is actually a good seasoning. I don’t know how come it was demonized in Nigeria. The Japanese still use it till date and I’m sure you already know your life expectancy.

    • Naijatalk

      August 6, 2016 at 12:56 pm

      Or…..be damned for life (read eternity).
      The fear of God (not man) is the beginning of wisdom. I would much rather live this life in total obedience and reverent fear of God; I prefer to err on the side of caution than cross over and receive the shock that lasts for eternity.

    • Eliel.

      August 6, 2016 at 10:00 pm

      @It Is Well, etc. God will help us. See the @Chichi’s comment. You are so right. Read Bible, no. Read the answers in the blog page comments, no. They are a feeding-bottle generation.

    • Kimberly

      August 6, 2016 at 11:31 am

      I pray you don’t go through tough times, perhaps you will understand there are different kinds of prayer and why some individuals pray or cry out loud.

  3. Mr. Egghead

    August 5, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    There is no such thing as ‘over-praying’

    • Panda

      August 5, 2016 at 1:15 pm

      Lol, it’s cos you’ve never seen it, that you say this.

    • Naijatalk

      August 5, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      The Bible directs adherents to pray without ceasing. There is no such thing as overpraying.

    • ATL's finest

      August 5, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      May God not let U or anyone else encounter a problem that requires ‘Over-praying’. B/c when it starts, u can’t control or stop it either. So I can’t blame anyone for whichever way they decide to pray to God. That’s what they know, that’s how they feel & so be it.

    • Californiabawlar

      August 5, 2016 at 2:14 pm

      Yeah. But you can pray amiss for a long time until the Holy Spirit helps you figure what the problem is.
      Two things that are prevalent in Nigerian homes;

      1. Most of us grew up with this: Abusive wives. They will fight, beat and curse everyone in the household especially the maid and then come and be praying. How God wan hear? It’s written in the bible that oppressing the poor is the number one way to have your prayer and fasting go unanswered. It’s also written that your mouth cannot be springing curses and prayers at the same time.

      2. I have seen this one very well: The cheating husband. How can you keep praying for someone that doesn’t agree with you? Who himself is not in good spiritual standing. Someone that has broken the edge and has put the entire family in spiritual jeopardy. Also, very few Nigerian men sibscribe to these same praying jamboree…but is it not better/more effective for two to pray together?

      Now shouldn’t a pastor address these two behavioral problems that are the core of the average Nigerian home before all these Food and Trinity Network recommendations? Maybe he’s far removed from the reality of things sha. Or maybe it’s easier to keep prescribing the same old pill because diagnosing is a lot more work and controversial. Cos in all my three decades I’ve met only a handful of men who are more spiritual than their wives…let’s not even discuss the cooking bit.

    • Naijatalk

      August 5, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      You are very right that one can pray amiss and it takes the direction of the Holy Spirit to pray effectively.
      Pastor Adeboye passes across very sound teachings on marriage particularly through the daily devotional open heavens. I remember reading his open heavens teaching sometime in March this year and I thought to myself, if only other pastors would teach this. That message centered on submission in marriage and he explained very clearly that submission was the responsibility of both the husband and the wife, and he included supporting scriptures. If possible I may go back and search for that exact date.
      Over the years, I have read the open heavens daily devotional and followed his teachings on marriage. His views are balanced. I think some of us may be extrapolating unnecessarily from his recent message.
      At the end of the day, we can all draw what we want from his teachings and leave the ones we believe don’t apply.

  4. ehnie

    August 5, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    very true,@malvina, yes a woman should know her role in the house but doesn’t leave the man out of it, if they can eat then they should also learn how to cook too, and what happens to those ladies that have cooked all their lives and still don’t get it right, or those that their fingers work magic and still cannot keep a home. its not just about food my dear or the chores, it takes so much more and that is what area father is trying to point out and for the records cooking and house chores shouldn’t be left for the women and girl making our male child mini gods in the house, its meant for all so we can be useful to ourselves.

  5. Gracie

    August 5, 2016 at 12:14 pm

    He was speaking to his church members oh. Are u a member? U pple should leave this matter biko…….

  6. Stephanie-feld

    August 5, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    LMAO @ Nigerian god has an ear infection, so we must shout and pray for hours.

    • mizzy

      August 5, 2016 at 12:25 pm

      lol..dis was funny. naija god get ear infection…

  7. Prince

    August 5, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    Marry anyone your heart goes with. someone you wont get tired of even when the beauty of handsomeness is no longer there.
    Marry your friend.

  8. carmen

    August 5, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    hian….you people should marry someone that does not pray ooooo. marry a lazy person ooooooo.marry a man that has no job oooooooo. Let’s have peace. As much as i don’t totally agree with what the man said…everybody’s just over reacting on this matter abeg. Always majoring on the minors. That’s how one twitter overlord called the man a ‘NATIONAL PROBLEM’ because of this issue.seriously?herdsmen are daily going on rampage…the president has kept mum yet i haven’t seen this kind of reaction from nigerians. Even on the padded budget scandal…i haven’t seen the kind of internet trolling i see on this issue.

    The man is a human being.and like all human beings,he’ll say things as he knows them,i’ve had people in positions of authority in my life,give me certain advice that in the long run,might not be in my best interests. I choose to take it or leave it, but i still respect them nonetheless(especially when i know they really mean well). Do you,please.

    Meanwhile,has daddy freeze weighed in on this matter yet?

  9. RIFF RAFF

    August 5, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    Chai, Bella, that picture though…ha ha ha!

  10. Bodunade

    August 5, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    Christendom has deviated from the teachings of Christ and replaced them with teachings of men. From the way we pray, tithes and offering, making noise and disturbing the neighbourhood to superstitions about witches flying at night, the list goes on and on.

    But as someone said earlier, he was addressing his church members and not passing it as a bill in the Senate. If you are not okay with it waka pass. Start your own church, move to another church or ignore.

    • NationalSquirrel

      August 6, 2016 at 11:52 am

      Witches fly at night. Don’t learn the hard way

  11. amazon the greatest

    August 5, 2016 at 1:17 pm

    forget oh! I’m a woman and i intend to cook for my family. yes i shall have domestic help but ill still be monitoring everything. wonder why cooking for your husband and your child/children has become a topic of debate. at the end of the day marry a man who doesn’t see anything wrong in his wife cooking or not cooking, nothing wrong in him also cooking and domestic staff helping out. no shaking,
    God is indeed our muscle!!

  12. Corolla

    August 5, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    “By the way, is anything wrong with encouraging your young male congregation to learn how to cook and do chores too?”- The church needs to change this narrative! This is not even a matter of equality, this is common sense. Able-bodied adults should be able to cook and do chores! A man should be able to carry his weight around the house, especially if the woman has a job too. It’s just right to help the woman you claim to love and not leave all house chores to her.

    “Being married is only nice if we are lucky to pick a partner who will be our friend,” #Thetruth

  13. Dunamis

    August 5, 2016 at 1:28 pm

    A good Christian should aspire to pray for more than one hour, the bible says “pray without ceasing ” if possible a Christian should pray all the time. That been said, he was not talking to the public he was advising his children ( his congregation) . You can choose to take his advise or don’t . Who says one must shout when they pray.

    • NationalSquirrel

      August 6, 2016 at 11:50 am

      Praying without ceasing means pray all the time and don’t give up on God. It doesn’t mean put the day on hold.

  14. Besos

    August 5, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    shouting and kabashing doesnt make a god husband or wife.. All those randy pastors tht pray from morning till night nkoh? some women with the worst attitudes can pray too.. Nd they n also cook.. but their hearts are black.

    Charly boy is spot on.. marriage isn’t a one size fits all.. I remember when mama joke silva said tht cooking was never her forté.. yet look how long she has bee married.. an aunt of mine can spend the entire night praying.. yet her husband has left her with young gild ren to raise.. This woman is what I call the full package.. she works hard, owns her own company is a church worker, is kind to everyone.. took me in when I had nowhere to go.. yet her husband who hasn’t payed a bill in his life left her.

    The man that raped me.. is a prayer warrior.. you should see him on sundays when I visit their churh. praying asif he wants break the walls of jericho.. yet his heart is dark..

    nuff said…

    • Habina

      August 6, 2016 at 11:32 pm

      Wow. I’m so sorry about the rape dear. That’s just awful! May he receive his recompense.

  15. Pellz

    August 5, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    Is Charlie boy praying in that picture? Hiahiahiahia. I perceive a deliberate misconstruance of the man of God’s admonition.
    “Marry a warrior, if a girl cannot pray for one hour, don’t marry her. Don’t marry a girl who is lazy, who cannot cook. She needs to know how to do chores and cook because you cannot afford to eat out at all times”
    That’s all the man said but Charlie goes on to define prayer from his own stand point. Ranting, shouting et al is your definition not the man of God’s. So I don’t see any problem here. The man of God said marry a woman who can pray and cook, it is left to you to define pray and cook innit? What are we sweating about now biko?

  16. Idomagirl

    August 5, 2016 at 1:38 pm

    Too bad marriage is not the solution to Nigeria’s problems.
    With the way we obsess over it we would have been a “1st World” country by now.

    • Californiabawlar

      August 5, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      As in eh!! But if we can’t even get simple marriage right how we wan take develop? Sometimes I feel like the average black mind hasn’t evolved past the craving for the barest minimum pleasures. Food and sex.

    • Engoz

      August 5, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      Chineke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lmao!

  17. Mariamah

    August 5, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    I totally agree with Charly boy completely.

  18. Gbemi

    August 5, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    Dear Nigerian Pastors,
    We urgently need divinely inspired wisdom and solutions to our current economic crises, I know you don’t feel it like your church congregation because—————-. SO leave marriage alone for once and lets deal with the matter at hand.

    • Habina

      August 6, 2016 at 11:35 pm

      Preach!!!

      In my zone, there are about 8 churches. Always filled to capacity. But everyone is chasing instant miracles and/or Range Rover driving husband. What are our pastors really preaching? Why are we still such a corrupt and wicked nation?

  19. Blessedheart

    August 5, 2016 at 2:05 pm

    I don’t understand why people cannot disagree with someone without insulting their personality.
    Forget that Pastor Adeboye was talking to his church members, if you don’t take what he said very literally, you would see that it’s not terrible advice.
    There’s nothing like over-praying, one hour was just an analogy, He was talking about having such a great relationship with God that you can spend an hour in fellowship with him. The importance of this as a mother cannot be overemphasised. I have a problem with people placing the burden of prayer on the woman when the man is supposed to be the spiritual head of the home but Pastor Adeboye did not even do that here. Also, if you’re thinking a one-hour prayer is too long then you’re thinking of making a request. Every Christian should strive to reach a level where you can spend hours fellowshipping with God, worshipping, telling him your desires and also listening to what He has to tell you.
    About cooking, everybody should know how to cook but the burden, in a home is mostly on the wife because honestly, women are more of the nurturers in the home, If you won’t cook for your husband or yourself, what about your children? For me though, the question shouldn’t be if a woman can cook or not but if she understands that she needs to ensure the family is well-nourished and she’s ready to do that. There are just some aspects of the home that men do better than women and vice versa. Yes, some roles are no longer as defined as they used to be but may not be completely eliminated. I believe that the man should be the provider for the family, well supported by the wife while the wife should handle home-making, well supported by the husband.
    The major thing is to disagree with people’s opinions without hurling insults.

    • the naira

      August 6, 2016 at 9:17 am

      how can you say people should spend hours telling god their desires , doesn’t god already know what you desire… are you trying to remind the almighty creator not to forget things he already knows about??

  20. Todds

    August 5, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    How difficult is it to understand simple guideline…”she must be able to pray for an hour” means “she must be comfortable to pray”. He was not referring to 60 minutes. Damn!

    • NationalSquirrel

      August 6, 2016 at 11:48 am

      LOL at “must”. Abegyy

  21. What's Charly saying?

    August 5, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    He was talking to Christians,that respect the institution of marriage,not a serial baby father please.

    • LemmeRant

      August 5, 2016 at 8:51 pm

      Lol.

      Now that was hardcore

  22. Rose

    August 5, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Lol- Nigerian know how to make a mountain out of a molehill! Talk about poor comprehension.

    • Lmao

      August 5, 2016 at 3:00 pm

      The man is the head of the family so why is it the woman that is the chief prayer. She should be praying while the man is outside doing what he does best *wink wink*

  23. Arrow From The Full Quiver.

    August 5, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    THIS? is who or what is “”replying”” Pastor E. A. Adeboye?!!!

    Pray (oh, sorry, meditate?) that it is that “”Nigerian god”” you mentioned that replies you and not the Almighty God Who Pastor E. A. Adeboye serves.

    And for all of you who joined him and aligned with him in your comments, plus those who took him as mentor and also referred to “”god”” in their comments, please remember, and if you do not know, please familiarise yourselves with the story of Korah, Dathan and Abiram in the Bible; most especially note what happens to “”all those associated with them.””

    Finally, when I read comments such as these, it makes me all the more determined that the devil will not have this country. It is not even a matter of spirituality, of whether you are Christians or follow any religion. You don’t have “”home training””. Or, perhaps, as the Yoruba maxim says, you were given home training but refused to receive the home training. Our African, not only Nigerian, culture teaches the respect of elders and to speak to elders, even when you disagree with them, with respect. This in embedded, it is innate, it is intrinsic to our culture as Africans. “”By their fruits, ye shall know them.”” If you are, as evidenced by your “”fruits”‘/comments not Christian, and you are also, not African, what, and who, are you?

    Many of you take delight on these blogs, on social media, in trumpeting that you are Christians and then go on to make the most ignorant and/or half-baked comments. It is always clear that you feel you have succeeded in making a definitive show of your brilliance and intelligence, your civlised, modern, model rational thinking and powers of analysis, and, who can miss your giant-size feelings of superiority which simply just ooze and seep out of your comments like the pungent, putrid, nausea-inducing stench from an overflowing cesspool (I’d rather not use any noun more descriptive/direct)? How ironic! If only you knew just how much the very opposite is what you show yourselves to be in your comments.

    If you truly read your Bibles, those who claim to be Christians, that is, you would have known that there is NOTHING the servant of God has said, that does not have Scriptural backing, witness or precedent.

    Seems it seems you at least read blogs, you don’t even need to do that which clearly you find an insurmountable challenge i.e. reading the Bible, you can just go to the page on this same blog/BN where the story was initially featured and read all the answers and proper “”replies”” already given in various comments citing the backing Scriptures and Scriptural precedents for Pastor E. A. Adeboye’s counsel.

    If after that exercise, the scales finally fall from your eyes and you are hit with the realisation that you have been fighting The Almighty God, the Word of God Himself and not man, you can choose to repent and cry to the Almighty God for mercy (Paul the Apostle did, when the scales fell from his own eyes), or …

    • Naijatalk

      August 6, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      Or…..be damned for life (read eternity).
      The fear of God (not man) is the beginning of wisdom. I would much rather live this life in total obedience and reverent fear of God; I prefer to err on the side of caution than cross over and receive the shock that lasts for eternity.

  24. Tosin

    August 5, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    A lot of people DO take their cues for life from the pastor, from Charly Boy, from BellaNaija so yeah it was worrying to read the not-so-modern style he was preaching. It will work for some people though probably less in Lagos than in Oyo etc. Would be much easier if people could apply their own loving hearts and common sense but that’s not Naija…many prefer to have road modeh, pastor (shepherd) and benevolent dictator to rule their life. The pastors I guess , do their best. Those who like that style should kwantinu.
    Summary: I’m with CB

  25. Engoz

    August 5, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    Since the ladies should aim for 1hr prayers, the ‘head of households’ should be aiming for 5 hours, lol.

  26. Emeka

    August 5, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    Pastor Adeboye advise VS weirdo charly boy advise.. well as for me and my family we will take adeboye advise anyday, anytime, no debate

    • Lmao

      August 5, 2016 at 5:41 pm

      Of course you’ll take his advice. Equality to the privileged seems like oppression

    • Emeka

      August 5, 2016 at 5:50 pm

      What is your problem,if u want to remain oppressed and take charly boy advise , take it and let me be..that is your own cup of tea, not mine.. I dey follow pastor adeboye, na my choice

    • Privilegentsia.

      August 5, 2016 at 6:05 pm

      @lmao, mistakenly ‘loved’ your comment. I suggest you sort out your personal issues. Unless you can explain how you know @Emeka in person and give the proofs by which you came about your knowledge of him as a “”privileged”” person.

    • Nahum

      August 5, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      That’s right! Why should men want equality? It robs them of their male privilege the same way white people fight against equality because it robs them of their white privilege

    • Lmao

      August 5, 2016 at 8:28 pm

      Emeka YOU are the privileged one. As the man… Duh. Abi you don’t understand English? All these RCCG members sef forming Christian but so quick to lash out and be wicked lmaooo

    • Regis.

      August 6, 2016 at 12:46 pm

      @lmao, your four (at least) fingers have pointed fully and conclusively at you whilst you tried to point one at @Emeka. You are the one who “”lashed out”” and you are “”wicked”” . You are also the one who “”can’t read simple English””.

      @Emeka waas not the one who challenged you to explain why you should just irrationally (my own adjective) conclude that @Emeka is “”privileged”” (probably because all he said in his brief comment is that given a choice between the two, he’d choose Pastor Aeboye any day. Then you called him “”privileged””.). It is @Priviligentsia who asked you for explanation and “”proofs””. Since, however, “”YOU”” clearly “”can’t read simple English””, you wrongly attacked and replied to @Emeka.

      Finally, why are so many commenters on BN so small-minded? It’s like almost every time people like you are having what little pleasure, no matter how perverted, they can find in life, bashing and insulting and denigrating another person, casting all manner of slurs against the person, the moment one intelligent, unbiased, individual makes a comment that speaks positively or fairly or rationally, that individual that refuses to run (amok) with the herd is invariably cast as either being the person being gossiped about himself/herself or a friend or family member of the person, or someone who depends on the person for their livelihood.

      Did @Emeka tell you he’s an RCCG member?

      Reading “”simple English”” is not that difficult, please. Neither is cognitive thinking.

    • Habina

      August 6, 2016 at 11:38 pm

      @Regis
      Whatever. It’s so obvious you’re Emeka dressed up in a different avatar.
      Calm your brows.

  27. olly

    August 5, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    i really don’t understand why the argument on the roles/duties of a man and woman. A woman should know how to cook. how wont you know how to cook? who will cook for the kids? haven’t you heard children say my mother’s cooking is the best? how often do you hear my father’s cooking is the best? very rare. yes a man should help out once in a while after all we women help out with finance also. still the sole responsibility of fending lies with the man so does cooking this shouldn’t be an argument if she doesn’t cook he should cook wtf. it is a woman’s duty. those of you arguing don’t cook for your husband when you marry rubbish.

    • Tosin

      August 6, 2016 at 8:52 am

      I also know how to knit, drive, program, shag, but these skills have nothing to do with gender. And they don’t define a person (unless it’s a job or serious hobby) .

      It’s very expensive (to me) to deal with driving when there are professionals who can do Naija car maintenance, deal with the stress, while all I need is bus or cab fare. Sometimes I drive. Sometimes I knit/sew. Sometimes I repair my own stuff. But usually I just buy.

      Same with food. Why should I cook cook cook like a mad person when there are people like Marlvina who get their joy from cooking for everybody? Don’t be selfish; don’t limit your cooking to two people when you can cook for 2,000. The path to wealth actually lies in sharing your skill, love, work, talent. Feeling me?

      It is inefficient for you to cook for your husband all the time, you also have things to do – including rest – so you can contribute to society and fulfill your potential.

      If you love it, do it. If you want to do it, feel like it, or feel an obligation to do it, do it.
      But the ‘women should’ propaganda ? Nope.

  28. Grace

    August 5, 2016 at 5:36 pm

    Oh please. I don’t know why people fail to understand that the line about praying for an hour literally means consistency in prayer. just one who ALWAYS prays. Him saying “an hour” is just an analogy. .

    • NationalSquirrel

      August 6, 2016 at 11:43 am

      He could have easily said what he meant. Or explained that a wife should be a true christian and filled with the holy spirit enough to sustain prayer. And why only the woman???

  29. The real D

    August 5, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    Let me put out some disclaimers before I give my thoughts on this whole bruh ha ha:
    1) That I disagree with someone’s point of view does not equate insult or abusing the person
    2) I only found out about this yesterday when I read a popular Nigerian artiste’s thoughts on this and who had been advocating that people that did not need agree with the Pastor but they should just “gently waka pass” because he is a MAN of God, as such to disagree with him will mean one is not only willing but ready to incur the wrath of God, this summation I do not agree with either.
    Pasto Adeboye is a well known and highly respected individual in the community so whatever he says makes an impact even beyond his church or pulpit. Unfortunately, I read the artiste’s comment yesterday and came on BN to find out more on the story then instead saw the story on the single parent pod and I began understanding why there appears to be so much outcry about what the Pastor said.
    Nigeria has a country attach a ton of importance to the institute of marriage and family, while that is not necessarily a bad thing , it appears majority of us Nigerians have consciously or sub consciously made marriage the sole responsibility of a woman. It is the woman that is admonished to pray, to cook, everything that has to do with the home, (as some of written even on here) is the woman’s responsibility, even as far as making babies regardless of the man’s status.
    Since we are very “spiritual” in our dealings I will use the Bible to argue my point. When God made Eve, He told Adam, she will be a help meet. She is not to be the head prayer warrior, the husband is to be, she is to help him in all things. The same goes for maintaining the home, many women even in our country are expected to contribute to the financial aspect of the home, that is part of being a helper as well. Even the virtuous woman in Proverbs for the most part speaks to a woman providing financially for her home by the works of her hand.
    So why does it become the sole responsibility of the woman when it comes to other aspects of the home? it is THEIR home, so the responsibility lies on both parties to ensure that the home runs smoothly
    . A Sunday school teacher in a popular major church in Lagos recently told me about how he had tried talking to some fathers about spending more time with their kids because you’d be surprised the amount of inappropriate things that come out of thess kids mouth mostly from what they’ve seen on TV. A few of these fathers actually said to this Sunday school teacher who by the way is a father and husband too, that they were too busy that wasn’t that the responsibility of the church???.
    ,The average Nigerian woman is expected to go to work, if you are in Lagos more power to you because it involves dealing with traffic, so you are probably leaving home at 4am not getting home till 9-10pm but you supposed to get home, cook a sumptuous meal, feed kids (that should be in bed already,) help with the homework, because you know have help is just advisable and you will be setting your hubby up to cheat on you with the help, and giving your family made by the help is just dumb or how else do you prove you are hardworking??? then go to bed and never deny your hubby that place between your legs because you just got to keep satisfied at all times in the sack. Then somewhere and somehow in all of this, you still need to keep a good relationship, with your friends, family and your in-laws, so you have to go for all the weddings, birthday parties even contribute your services to the planing and execution of these events, you also need to work out for at least an hour every other day, I mean you got to keep that bod tight so he does not stray, be active in church or mosque,or shrine, whatever applies and don’t forget to fast and pray even with all of this. That super human being is yet to be born, Pasto Adeboye’s comments put woman in this unrealistic role (although I cannot speak to his intent), while men are only to provide financially and we can all agree being a good husband takes more than that, so why is that not being addressed??. I mean if a woman leaves a man with prospects for a man who is more financially stable we call her a gold digger, so it appears there is no winning for the women folk.
    This has NOTHING to do with the western world, all about being realistic. Pastor Adeboye has a huge platform and as such comments such as those made by him recently are bound to stir up strong feelings and responses, nevertheless, I would like to believe he has in the past given a more balanced perspective. (I don’t know, never sat under his teachings)

    • Tosin

      August 6, 2016 at 8:56 am

      You sabi.

    • Vivadrew

      August 6, 2016 at 9:26 am

      Don’t I just love you this lovely Saturday morning…well thought out. Tell them

    • Ninny

      August 8, 2016 at 4:01 pm

      gbam!!! @The Real D

  30. wendy

    August 5, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    So my question is this…. This praying for one hour, does it include reading the bible or just talking.

    If it is talking, does this mean that each sentence is unique ir na the one wey u go shout same sentence for 50 times…

    About the cook biz…. Africans tooo like food. A lot of them think that food defines everything.

    Abeg make una marry who rock ur boat. My hubby cannot cook but he clean the house very well. I am ok with it but my mum have big problem.. She keeps complaining…

    • Bodunade

      August 5, 2016 at 6:27 pm

      Your mom is complaining? Who e marry? Nnkan nbe

  31. Mabel

    August 6, 2016 at 7:19 am

    Religion, the great separator and divider of humanity, and the swiftest gateway to mental illness. May I never worship or love religion in any of my incarnations.

    Folks worried about words in a book when the Kingdom lives in them. Folks worried about a God in the sky when their own life is simply God in the flesh. Jesus showed and revealed all and still they refuse to believe. They went right back to dogmatic worship and wonder why they suffer so and their prayers are not heard. Religion of today is the very thing Jesus fought against, yet everyone acts like they do not see the irony… mtsceww .

    A man in love sees no flaws in the woman who has captured his heart. Love is pure, it does not condemn. Even prostitutes makes good marriage alliances everyday, much less women who can’t cook or submit to fervent prayers.

  32. NationalSquirrel

    August 6, 2016 at 11:38 am

    Marry who you love and who loves you, and everything will fall into place. Kim Kardashian couldn’t cook for 30+years of her life and when she married her true love and third husband, kanye, she learned how to cook. Love will make them cherish you and serve you to the best of their abilities. But if your needs come first, follow Adeboye’s advice.

  33. Eg

    August 6, 2016 at 11:50 am

    A woman should learn how to cook, pray, do household chores( which is a 1million+ things) be faithful, raise the children, hold down a 9-5 job……I think it’s time for pastors, parents and society at large to tell MEN to be prayer warriors, be faithful, raise the children, to do some house chores to assist the women. Lets invest in the same effort and time we use to bring up girls (to become perfect women)for men and husbands. Then we might see the “Change” in society we all seek. Enough already of our “religion says a woman should this “or our “culture demands a woman should do that.” Stop the pampered male/mini-god. child syndrome. Abeg.

  34. Betty

    August 6, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    @The real D please are you male/female? If you are a male please i’d very much like to marry you if you are’t taken yet *lol*….. And if you are i’d settle for being friends and say your female companion is really lucky!!!! And if you are a female?! You rock sister, your comment was well said! *LOL*
    Okay, my comment on the matter is marry what you accept and can handle, period! Don’t want a woman that can’t cook, please marry the one that can and please yourself.
    I love cooking and baking, but don’t make it the sole purpose of being with me, sorry o cause i will disappoint you one day and buy you take out, haba. The other day a colleague said he can’t eat fridge food, i looked at him and felt nothing but pity for his wife, imagine working, taking care of the kids, cleaning and still cooking fresh food for you every single day, i’m sorry but i can not and will not do that for any man no matter the love i have for you. if i cook and store in the fridge and you say you can’t eat it, then i’m sorry boo! Women need to have sense and love themselves, so if i can’t cook and pray for an hour i don’t deserve love abi, so i should be a hypocrite and pretend that i can pray for an hour, i can pray quite alright cause we all need God in our lives, we can’t do without him but truthfully i don’t think i can pray on my own for an hour or more, does it mean Jesus won’t hear my 30mins prayer and i won’t find a husband?. The same foolish men (sorry to the male folk) will still look for one thing you didn’t do right, the same men will cheat on you with anything that agrees and i’m sure as hell won’t pray for an hour. The sooner we learn to love ourselves a great deal and marry someone who knows who we truly are and what we truly are (flaws and all) and settle for being truly happy the better for us. i will gladly cook, clean, cater to the kids and you, give you a hug and a kiss on your way to work and back from work, after dinner and the kids are in bed ill rub your feet and ask you how you day was and even more. Now are you ready to fuck me for an hour? are you ready to take care of my every need? are you ready to be the sole financial provider of the house while i stay at home and be a home maker? Certainly not right?
    I will cook sure and fine, but there’s nothing wrong if you cook too, there’s nothing wrong if you pray as well. i’m here to HELP you, not carry the whole load on my head please. Nigerian men should stop being lazy and stupid abeg, everything women women, haba, y’all need to grow some balls and man up to things as well.
    No insult to the pastor, his wife does these things simply because she doesn’t work, drive herself or have to clean the house herself, or wash clothes. If i didn’t have to do those things of course i’ll be iron chef Nigeria for you and pray for 5 hours. Lazy broke ass men that don’t pay for a wash person or house cleaner will now want to put these on their poor wives, please it’s not like that. Can’t afford the luxury of a cleaner and co, please help her, clean something, do something, don’t leave it all for the poor lady who works as well as you do and is also bringing in some money to the household, to me its pure laziness and wickedness and to be honest you do not truly love her, cause if you do you’ll know in the long run all that stress isn’t healthy for her.
    I’m sorry for my long ass comment, everyone marry what you like and make yourself happy!

    • Confuzzled

      August 6, 2016 at 1:56 pm

      Bless you my dear!

  35. mz_titilitious

    August 8, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Gbam! I’m with u and Malvina

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