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The Elastic Heart Series with Atoke: Part I – So What Are We Doing?

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Atoke - Elastic Heart SeriesI always say to Glory Edozien, “You are the love mistress. Love is your territory. You love, love.” It is true; Glory IS the love queen. She has this glow when she talks about matters of the heart. Me? Not quite. I don’t care. My love is my writing. My heart? Chained away, padlocked and frozen.

So, when I found myself in a Situationship, I struggled with confronting the realisation that this is what was actually going on.

Wait, you don’t know what a Situationship is? Where were you when Isio Wanogho and Uru Eke were talking about it here on BN? Tsk, Tsk! Okay, I’ll help you out:

Aidanneal.com properly captures it:
“A situationship is basically a pseudo-relationship. A placebo masking itself as a formative relationship. It smells like a relationship, it sorta looks like a relationship, and it may even feel like one, but it’s not. Urban Dictionary describes a situationship as any problematic relationship characterised by one or more unresolved, interpersonal conflicts. usually confused with dating.”

All caught up now? Good!

A situationship is that halfway place between talking and being in a relationship. It’s sha a whole lot of rocking chair style techniques. (No, not sexual, you perv!) I mean, it gives you so much to do, but takes you NO WHERE!

You’re talking to this person but you don’t really want to ask that dreaded question because you don’t want to come across as an Eager Beaver. So you just let the absence of definition drag on and on and on! Till you find yourself broken hearted. Then you’re told “But we were not in a relationship, ke!”

Dearly beloved, I’m here to preach one word of Rhema to you today…It is very okay to ask that question. The Love Queen, Glory Edozien also confirms it. In any case, once you’re in your 30s, you have the carte blanche to do anything you want to. You know why?

Because you’re an ADULT!

So, since I’m such a tough talker and a know-it-all, why did I fall into this pit of despair and become a bumbling mess when I asked the “what do you want with me?” question and got the “friendship!” response?

I was still going to be a strong woman, okay? I wasn’t going to let a man use me emotionally and tell me he just wants to be friend. No! I stood in my room, with all the righteous indignation in the world.

“I am going to need to dial this back a whole lot! I can’t do the kind of friendship you want.” I beat my chest King Kong style and decided to cut the man off!

The Elastic Heart Series is the result of my decision. It chronicles my walk through the pain of trying to clutch myself back from my Situationship. It has been a long, arduous journey and I hope that nobody will ever tell you that it is easy.

Because, that sh*t hurts so bad.
My emotions Yo-Yo’d from happiness, to relief, to anger, and back to intense sadness. Days of tears soaking my pillow, and me trying to muffle my sobs because I didn’t want my roommate to think this strong girl had somehow crumbled. I feel a little better now, and I’ve decided to share my experience in a 5-part series. If you have never heard Elastic Heart by Sia, please get acquainted, because this song got me through this very difficult period. I may not be as strong as I thought I was, but now I realise that what I have is an Elastic Heart.

I hope you enjoy this series and I hope it helps somebody.

****

Okay, I don’t want to do cold turkey again.  Cold turkey is too hard. I miss you. It is ridiculous. I know. I know.

I know. I knowwwwww… stop telling me what I know. I know you don’t like me like that. I know. I knowww. I know this will end badly. I know you have said it honestly and truly… you cannot do anything more than this WhatsApp dependency. Okay, maybe I have mental issues. Maybe… maybe maybe I am just used to being used. Maybe I haven’t ever had to ask for more. Maybe that is why after just 4 days…. or is it 3? I’m crawling back to ask for crumbs from your table.
Maybe I just don’t think I deserve  better. After all, I’m used to the friend zone. Maybe that is why I am here typing this long missive.

Maybe it is not actually you you you gan gan that I miss. Maybe I just want to not feel so alone.

Maybe this isn’t even about you thinking I’m worth the effort or the attempt.

Maybe it is just me being a sucker for punishment.

Maybe I just like being rejected because it is all I know.

Why else would I be writing you? Why would a strong, talented, beautiful woman like me say to you… “it’s okay. Use me to fill a void.”?

Maybe I truly deserve to be miserable.
But I miss you.

This is ridiculous.

You should have just left me alone.
You should have just been popping up after reading one in six articles.
You shouldn’t have made me start watching TV with you.
You shouldn’t have made me laugh.
You shouldn’t have shown me you are kind, and honest, and thoughtful.
You should have just left me alone.

Now I am distraught and I don’t know how to do this cold turkey business again.

I miss you,  Dude.
I really really really do.

You did me wrong by not leaving me be.
Why did you not just leave me be if you knew I was too far away?

Now I’m getting angry. Anger feels much better than missing you.
Yes. Now I’m angry.  I love that I’m angry. It only means I won’t send you this message.

So tell me what you were going to happen with this girl so far away? Involve her in your life then dump her if she got too clingy? Or maybe slowly remove yourself when you met someone better suited to your needs locationwise?

How long was this friendship supposed to go on?
What kind of friendship was this to be? The one where we’re involved in each other’s daily activities? I don’t even know my closest and most intimate friends the way you were bringing me in. You can’t even deny that you were doing it. I was that shoulder, vacant and available.

How do you feel knowing that you were planning to wreck me? I’m not wrecked now, because I saw that sh*t coming and I had to pull the brakes.

Forget everything I wrote earlier.
I don’t miss you.
You tried to use me.

You f*cking tried to use me… and you’re supposed to be one of the good ones. You are supposed to be one of the decent ones.
Nah! How could I have, for a second, forgotten that you are a Nigerian man?

Shame on me.

But a bigger shame on you for not being a better person.

Elastic Heart by Sia

Photo Credit: Charity Adetiba-Howard

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]il.com. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

53 Comments

  1. tunmi

    August 22, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    Hugs

    Strong doesn’t mean you don’t cry. Strong is being bold enough to see things as they are especially when it’s bad. It’s letting yourself go through the feelings: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s letting yourself heal. Time heals all but that ugly period before it gets better is one nasty sonofa-

  2. Big Tee

    August 22, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    Situationship story- …. I wanted to take a casual but intimate friendship to the relationship level, made my intentions known to her and I asked the “so what are we doing?” question in about 1 million ways, and I was always hitting a wall. What was I to do? continue enjoying the gbenshing or look for someone who is ready for a relationship? As an Economist (or a realist), I measured the trade-offs of the time (and emotions) I’ll spend building a new relationship, and Ops forgone if I no longer get casual gbenshing……….. so I did the right thing.

  3. Valkyr

    August 22, 2016 at 3:35 pm

    seeing through your heart..have been there..still trying to find my way out tho

  4. The real D

    August 22, 2016 at 3:38 pm

    This is not something i have been through, thankfully. So, I would be lying if i said i understood. Nevertheless, i look forward to reading your story and hopefully learning something from this series. Glad to read you are doing ok though and wishing you the best on this whole “love journey”.

  5. oo

    August 22, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    And the point of this write-up is ?

    • MyMind

      August 22, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      @Oo, OBVI it’s cathartic! Now run along cuz you don’t understand. Mtchewwwww

    • slice

      August 22, 2016 at 4:17 pm

      Some of us relate. Abeg allow her write for us.

  6. iyke

    August 22, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    At this stage in my life, my love does not come to those who linger safely by the shore. Nne, meet me down amidst the depths and tides, or don’t bother at all. I have no time for cautious ,quiet,sensible sort of love! I want to be devoured!

    • NIRA

      August 22, 2016 at 4:37 pm

      Yes baby!

    • Ninny

      August 22, 2016 at 5:49 pm

      Yes Baby kwa… issorai

    • Koffie

      August 22, 2016 at 5:36 pm

      I was in two situationships before I stepped back, said WTH and redefined my standards like you Iyke. I then relinquished my singleness to God and told Him if He didn’t lead the right man who would treat me like a queen to me, I was not going to date anymore.
      Some days were hard where I felt the way Atoke described up there. I’d wonder if I should just stop forming baddo and accept what crumbs Mr. Situationship was flinging my way as it seemed like God had archived my prayer. You know how you swipe some chats on whatsapp to the left without reading (iphone), lol. That was what it felt like God had done with me. But I was wrong…
      Maybe we accept these situationships because of some fear we wouldn’t readily admit to. The fear of ending up alone with 9 cats in a yellow cottage in the middle of nowhere, thank you Enid Blyton. Or the fear that we would never find chemistry that intense…’no one can get you like I do or make you feel like I make you feel’ he used to say to me. The ridiculousness of that makes me want to laugh out loud but I’m a good employee and work hours aren’t over.
      To anyone who fears she/he would never find ‘love’ like this (insert situation) ever again, please rid yourself of that lie of the Devil. That’s not love, it’s a mirage. Eat as much fat-filled icecream as you need to get over him (or her, I doubt this) and pray as much as you cry. Trust me, it would get better once you rid yourself of that mentality. God is probably waiting on you to let go of the man you think is irreplaceable so He can lead His standard for you to you. When you let Him, you’d ask yourself “then why on earth was I crying”. Lol

    • Thatgidigirl

      August 22, 2016 at 6:54 pm

      *searching for my diving gear* ????????

  7. Puzzles

    August 22, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    Chai! I understand what you’re going thru, dear.

    The difference between you and me is this;
    There was another babe in the picture
    He just didn’t tell me
    Made it look at if the girl was the one coming on to him whereas they were hooking up
    Until she broke his heart by sleeping with his friend
    Then I knew the reason why he had said we could just be friends
    Heartbroken, I chose to face my life and walk away
    I learnt a vital lesson: never start nursing feelings until the guy says something

  8. Beenthere

    August 22, 2016 at 5:14 pm

    I have been through this thing very very many times. I have asked why me. But I guess I had to learn certain things because I was wayyy too naive. Now my naivety then seems repulsive to me now. When I see a fellow woman going through the same thing, words like “mumu” come to my mind. That’s how much I have changed. I have trained my mind to not catch feelings fast. It’s like a switch. I can turn it on and off without a thought. I have gone through situations and life experiences that improved my confidence and self esteem and now I know how to ask the right questions. If I ever get another chance and when I am ready to get back there, it will be forever.

  9. Adia

    August 22, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    The heart is truly elastic Atoke.
    That is how I was in one situationship like this where the boy was sending me flowers, gifts, and we would talk way past midnight but relationship no get definition.
    Anyhow, so I decided to go and visit him to celebrate my byday, we had planned I would stay over in his place which was in another city and about 4hrs away from my zones.
    On my byday, ol boy calls me and says he can’t pick me up from the train station the next day as previously agreed, because he and his madam had a concert/smth to attend.
    I was like obara Jesu, in all the months we had been conversing, uncle never mentioned a madam! His place was still open to me according to him, however, he would tell his madam I was his “Little sister” visiting. I have suffered my pipo!
    I was heartbroken! chei! I still went to his city and didn’t pick up his calls and just hung out with my other friends. That was how the situationship ended o!
    I received sense by fire and still had a rad byday!
    My takeaway – ALWAYS DEFINE RELATIONSHIPS. #notimeforgamesmehn #nocatchingfeelings

    • whocares

      August 22, 2016 at 5:23 pm

      LMAOOOOOOOOOOO Obara Jesu -lmaoooo. I haven’t heard that in a while. What does Obara mean?

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      August 22, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      “The Blood” of Jesus. ?

    • Fifi

      August 22, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Jesuuuu ahhh was i a Situationship till last year, homie and me could chat for hours in watsapp because he said he preferred that to talking, met up only twice during the off and on 3 years duration at the end told me dated someone for 6 months when we stopped speaking for a bit and then said he couldnt give me what i wanted, “commitment” cause im too nice So he rather just not give US a go, that was when the scales fell from my eyes and i knew he was a FUCKBOY Yoruba Devils Spawn

  10. whocares

    August 22, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    Atoke mi owon, have a seat next to me (and chop hug) because you capture the feeling that goes with this situationship thing so well- especially the feeling like you have been wronged but not know what the crime is or what hurts you (aside from the rejection of course) . On the one hand, the guy did not sell you dreams so you cant be angry and say he cheated on you or lied to you, but on the other hand he did you strong thing. Only you dont know what. It would seem as if he was just a guy who could not make up his mind, and so you cannot fault him for that; but in not making up his mind about you, he has made a decision and instead of telling you, he led you on. That is the strong thing he did. We are all adults here. You know after three months. Any longer than that, its just an excuse is what I think.
    Me, I used to be the queen of situationship (if not that my pastor’s anointing is stronger than the guy’s anointing). Been friends for over 10 ten years so through college, uni and now. One minute it is planning for places to go that seem almost date like, introducing me to friends as I already knew all the family members and vice versa, and the next was withdrawing and telling me its casual. Maybe it wasn’t a situationship gan sef, but ori mi okan fe pe to admit to myself that the dude was just not interested in my packaging. Regardless, a few tears here and there and I was able to open my small eyes to that fact. It hurts sha cos he was my friend, but a true friend would not be such a dochebag right? So now I dont even consider him a friend anymore because he isnt. Neither am I angry etc. C’est la vie jare. I am not for everybody. I just turned down a great guy because I did not feel anything for him. He probably hates me right now too, but the truth was I did not feel as much as I should for him and that made me feel bad.. He will never believe me if i tell him he is a great guy but just not for me. Point is, you are an amazing person Atoke darling and it shouldn’t be this hard. I think relationships are hard yes and that is what everyone says but it should be hard only when it should be. Fundamentally, choosing the right person and knowing if someone is the right one for you should not be hard. It is simple. The other parts – accepting their face pinching habit, money spending and generally navigating life together as two different individuals is what should be hard- not the initial decision.
    So, im in a #nomoreshit phase of my life. I simply dont have time for situationships. We both come correct or we go home. Choi, see as I turn aunty Bella. LMAOOO. Give me Gloria’s love master crown thank you very much 😛

    • slice

      August 22, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      I bow

    • Koffie

      August 22, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      Ha, aunty Wura! Don’t tell me it’s the bobo whom you and him used to talk about your poop (actual igbe) that you’ve broken up? I was proper saying #relationshipgoals in my head the day I read that from you.
      Nothing do your packaging jo, he was just indecisive and yep, true friends shouldn’t do you strong thing like that.

    • whocares

      August 22, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      Sister Kofkof e ri aiye mi lode o ( see my life in the atmosphere) looool. in all fairness, I was dating other people too. Abi what’s the point of reserving space for a person that didn’t want it? lool. That is the thing about situationships because you are a free agent too, and utilising your right to do whatever, you cant really cry that someone did you the dirty. I dont even understand the whole thing truly..

    • slice

      August 22, 2016 at 7:32 pm

      Haba you sef…see how u just talk am wit all your mouth

  11. The Elusive Oma

    August 22, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    I like a guy, he likes me, he is Muslim, i am Christian, he is from the North, i am from the South east, he is 28, i am 31, so all the odds against us. But we have decided to remain friends, you see, we have so much in common (yeah, despite all the above), we are really like kindred spirits.. We discuss just about anything, including our other relationships, with each other; we are good buddies and all, but sometimes i wonder how long the ‘innocence’ will last
    The End :))

    • Beenthere

      August 22, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Nothern Muslims don’t delay marriage.. Are you waiting for wedding IV from him? Do you think his new wife will allow this friendship to continue? I hope you have not fallen in love sha.

  12. Mz Socially Awkward...

    August 22, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    Choi! This thing called love (otherwise known as “catching feelings” for a boy) that can like to surprise some of us who felt we’d long padlocked our hearts inside an icebox. For everlasting protection.

    Atoke, I’m sorry that I can empathise only from a distance – like The Real D above, I’ve never been in that position… but I guess there’s no real difference between a situationship and a relationship where the other party go use mouth say una dey exclusive, but by their deeds you shall know that it was all lies. So, perraps we’ve encountered such in a different form.

    This dancing around issues that love produces can be so vexing “many attimes” – I’m with Iyke on just being in a place where I KENT BE BOTHERED with people faffing around me. I mean… I only have 24hours in each day, it’s not enough to spend on my own core goals and your bloody timewasting so please, tell me your manifesto or else be gone. My pet peeves are those people who like to dangle the promise of a worreva (relationship, situationship, etc.) in front of you by sending flirtatious messages in a frenzy, then you find them suddenly retreating for some time and then re-emerging from nowhere with a random “Hey babe, how’re you?”.

    So… you wan form whatsapp Playa-Playa on top my matter ehnn? Issorait, na me cause am as say I dey single. Just stony silence and the deletion of your number is all that’s needed, for peace to reign, biko. I would still like to have something left of my heart remaining to share with my OWN beloved when he shows up so I can’t be mismanaging it on your shenanigans.

    My sisterly, we shall be reading and supporting this your unique form of rehab. 🙂 “Kilzes” in plenty measure.

    (and no, I hadn’t heard this Sia song before now. Why she and the man been dey silently struggle through the bars at the end? All join for the message, abi?)

    • Koffie

      August 22, 2016 at 6:06 pm

      Hahahahaha, I hate those ones you described. I had one of them in the form of a very eligible word-believing-tongue-speaking-(insert more here) brother. He’d pop up, ask me deep questions about my long-term goals, my relationship status, what country I plan on settling in and also tell me his own. He’d call everyday, ask that we take communion together, pray/fast together, yadayada. I caught feelings no be small. We’d talk for as long as his masters degree schedule could allow. I’d walk him through how to cook some meals (as if I was Dunni’skitchen or a YouTube channel). He’d try to help me with how to get to the speaking in tongues since I’m already Spirit-filled but my mouth no gree speak. All the while, my friend was warning me I was entering a spiri-koko situationship (her exact words, lol). I made all sort of excuses for him and dude just ghosted me (same cycle had occured once before). He popped up again recently after about 8 months thinking he could pick up from where he left off. In my head, I was like “oh nah nah”, no man is treating me like my emotions are a light switch you can flip on and off at your own convenience. I was civil but did not encourage him at all. Like Asa, Stan be gone abeg even if you’re a brother.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      August 22, 2016 at 7:42 pm

      As in, na the ones for church wey worry pass sef… Too much nansense happening in God’s House.

      Resist those blady deceivers!! ??

  13. Chinma Eke

    August 22, 2016 at 5:56 pm

    Sisterly! It is well with us and these guys o! We have seen something! If it isn’t the situationship, it’s them telling and acting all into you but its all a lie.
    Dearie Atoke, I will tell you what I keep telling myself everyday; we will be fine.

  14. Esther

    August 22, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    Dear Atoke, take all the e-hugs I’m sending your way.
    I was in a situationship late last year into the beginning of this year and by the time I realized, I was in deep like way too deep so I ghosted…. I refused to have the “What are we?” talk… I couldn’t let anybody know what happened…. I felt stupid as in very stupid considering that I consider myself a know-it-all…. I did the occasional social media stalking and there’s a new bae he’s flaunting same way I was flaunted and I’m so tempted to tell her she may be used but then what if she’s his Miss?
    I won’t lie I don’t think I’ve worked through this shii cos I just feel like everything keeps rushing back to the surface and it hurts worse than it did at firat every time he likes my pictures or calls me.
    For me, “Elastic Heart” didn’t quite hit the spot but “Stone Cold” by Demi Lovato just describes my state of mind every time I started feeling that typa way

  15. xoxo

    August 22, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    i never believed id ever experience a situation ship until i met a boy at a point in my life i wasnt even looking .. and then slowly……and then i got dumped.. it hurts i swear, but we move on

  16. Thatgidigirl

    August 22, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    *searching for my diving gear* ????????

  17. Issokay

    August 22, 2016 at 7:53 pm

    But why Dont girls just ask the what are we questions like 2 months in? Save yourself the stress.

  18. Ethio

    August 22, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    lol nice stories that touch , when will I start catch feelings like this nau. i just f*ck and go my way and when you’re back for a “that was great” I’m like “yeah bye”. always seen love as pathetic.. since Luwa

  19. Somebody

    August 22, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    My situationship story: Bobo will do everything for me,everything. We even fought like lovers gan, he wound miss me, pine for me, help m assignments, take me to church. Then one valentine I teased him about one girl he mentioned once and he said oh they had made plans already to spend vals together, I died.

    • Fashionista

      August 22, 2016 at 9:57 pm

      Chai! That entered my soul on your behalf!

  20. Rebel Leader.

    August 22, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    Go baby, GO!???

  21. Undefined beauty

    August 22, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    Situationship! Lol! Looking back I can laugh about it now. I entered that ship a couple of years ago! It didn’t help that he was fine as hell! Sexy, intelligent and caring. He would stay up late with me last person I spoke to before I slept, 1st person I woke up to…. Hain I was in a perfect relationship in my head oh! …….. Till I had to ask d “what are we” chia! … Answer: I don’t know! My heart broke into a million pieces I cried ehen hain! I say which kian one chance be dis! Infact I need to go back to Atoke’s article ying to my yang article and post what I wrote there I quote I have never been as confused as I am now. I have always been d one who loves less, then I meet my current boyfriend then from friends we became lovers, after 7 months this guy has never said he loves me but his actions shows it. Then I ask him, oga says he doesn’t feel d storybook type of feelings for me , his heart doesn’t pump or go numb, he likes me for some check list reasons. Hmmmm I was so broken hearted. We are still dating though long distance, am hoping all we actually need is Tom ( because he is actually a wonderful boyfriend) and on the other hand m asking my self … Are u mad ni? Get out of the relationship. But he makes it so difficult for me to leave.” Then a God sent commenter named ready replied my comment with and I quote “I could be wrong. But I think you should get out…when
    guys say they don’t feel something, they just really don’t. You say
    he acts like he loves you…my dear, he could just be a very good
    guy. Me I don’t believe in storybook love; God knows I wish my bf
    has access to my mental script of our conversations so he can
    respond as I would want him to, and the funds/time to surprise me
    anyhow with overwhelming selflessness. I say that to say, I don’t
    believe in storybook love, but I’ve read enough people’s
    experiences to know that men who feel like that now, will
    eventually meet the woman who will make them feel…as in feel. I
    could be wrong, but I wouldn’t advise that you be the woman he’s
    cooling his heels with until the passionate love comes
    along.” And I replied 2days later ThAnk u ur words was like cold water poured on a sleepy person. I just broke with him, although it seems like I lost my best friend I know there’s someone out there for me… I gave my self serious brain and walked out without looking back… Focussed on other things and as time passed I felt better…. And one year later I met the ying to my yang! Damn! I couldn’t have asked for a better man! His heart pumps love for me! His eyes makes me feel an the only woman in a room! Chai! I was sooo glad that ship crashed oh! I for miss this my all in one package God forbid!… I became his Mrs this year! To think September 2013 I thot the one for me was no where in sight! Atoks babe fight through the pain! But remember the heart na rubber e dey bounce back!

    • Undefined beauty

      August 22, 2016 at 8:59 pm

      @Ready ….. I might still be a part of the bella Naija family. I want to say a big thank you! U knocked some sense into my head when I needed to hear the hard truth… And u helped me so much with you 5-10 lines.

  22. Keeks

    August 22, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    Lol where do I start..i fell in proper love with my situationship o until wham bam 2015 valentine day he freaking breaks up with me..Cos madam (she is actually his wife now) was around and he didn’t want to confuse stuff, never mind we had been banging for months,sleep overs and shii..when it all came to a halt, took me some time to get my confidence back cos really if he didn’t want me,who would!!God and the perfect album from Sia (damn I love you woman) helped me get through this difficult period in my life cos I was turned inside out,upside down..like a reader mentioned earlier,right now if you ain’t 100 I ain’t even opening my teeth with you,men fly the f away…

  23. Mackenzie

    August 22, 2016 at 11:17 pm

    Had a 3 year situationship, the sexual and intellectual chemistry was beyond amazing, we couldn’t go a day without speaking, it was like he ‘completed’ me – shalla to Nora Roberts them. He even popped my cherry. Meanwhile Bobo had a 7 year LDR (which he told me had ended), had bought ring, and was ready to propose sef. I was inadvertently informed by his cousin (oh, I knew his whole family by the way) who thought I had known all along and was just hanging around for the trips.

    I had never been so broken in my life. I was the good girl, the smart one, the ruthless one. The ice queen. Impenetrable. I waited for my ‘Mr. Right’. His excuse – none. He was just looking.

    Not all hearts are elastic. They chip, they break, they even shatter to pieces. You just have to function with or without one.

    • Sisi

      August 23, 2016 at 12:23 pm

      Farva, that is too much. This is why I am avoiding all such situation anythings because my spirit no fit. I’m sorry. Very sorry. Hope you’re ok.

  24. Agrippa

    August 23, 2016 at 3:34 am

    You were unfaithful like Richard Gere/
    Caught you cheating and you tried to slip away like a broken tail Agama lizard, yeah/
    You are incapable of love, because you were not conceived in love/
    Dont even start with the drama, you are half the woman, my ex-girlfriend was/
    Fake virgin, you used vinegar to tighten up your ginger/
    You utilized Whitenicious to lighten up like Fanta/
    When I first met you, your whole demeanor was Binta/
    I should have listened to my friends, you cannot turn a runs girl into a girlfriend/
    Sex for money is a drug, and you are a fiend/

    • slice

      August 23, 2016 at 7:13 am

      You sure?

    • Ninny

      August 23, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      Loool…Question for the gods…don’t mind him, he is testing his lyrics on here with the subject matter

  25. mia

    August 23, 2016 at 10:18 am

    Guys always told me i was mean and tough because once you start acting all nice to me and hanging around me, i ask the almighty question, “what do you want from me?” trust me, it clears every doubt and helps you evaluate what you really want to do. All those guys who suddenly start firing from all cylinders and suddenly go cold on you like ice fish never get past me because i will engage you and ask you serious questions. no time to be catching feelings for a time waster.

    pele Atoke, You’ll be fine.

  26. Rarebreed27

    August 23, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    @mia
    This was so me, funnily enough I learnt it from my Dad, he told me back then to be a warm pleasant girl yet guide my affections. So when a guy comes around am all cool and down to earth – u cud think he is found a good naive yet intelligent pretty girl but who is not street smart. So once his guard his all down and he thinks we are cool and am open to anything he may want to serve- I pop d question straight , I don’t even make it a big deal formal talk ” Yoruba elders say na from play play we go sabi truth”
    And once his answer is not satisfactory – I just ghost am.
    And truth b told, my den bf dat I eventually married, after dating awhile when I felt it was time for an upgrade I asked d next level question,though he gave d I plan to marry you answer and still gave him ultimatum as regards certain stuffs. Me I prefer to face the reality head on than hanging out possibilities or hoping …and yeah me I no dey do na one guy I dey time o, I date every guy dat there is mutual interest. No, I wasn’t sleeping with them. I think sex had a way of messing ur senses up. Having a number of guys skiving around me- with no sexual strings helped me to really see through d skin.
    Apologies my Tory too long.

  27. Halle

    August 23, 2016 at 2:02 pm

    I hope this is me soon!
    Left a good guy…. coz I didnt think he felt super crazy about me
    Oh yes, he would make sacrifices and all but when I ask about the future He would say “lets see how it goes”… This is one year after oooo
    Please I had to give myself brain to walk away (everyone is like ah! just manage, he is great, ever dependable, super reliable) because i dnt think I am the Ying to His Yang
    Hopefully, I hope i would be telling Your Love story soon enough
    In the meantime, I am working on my flaws(yes, i discovered a lot while dating him), resting in God and having a fabulous life 🙂

    • Halle

      August 23, 2016 at 2:05 pm

      My Comment is for Undefined Beauty :*

  28. bella

    August 23, 2016 at 2:49 pm

    what she explained in this article is exactly what and how i feel… i dont even know how to cut him off or where to begin from…you know when you know the truth but dont know how to go about it worse…where you are acting tough forming friends with the guy sooo you dont seem immature or seem like you are still hung up but hoping deep down he changes his mind and picks you…its a nightmare i just want to wake from it but i dont know how 🙁

  29. Nedu

    August 24, 2016 at 12:18 am

    So plenty stories,

    But biko, how do you then differentiate between side chick/guy and situationships? Cos stories i read here look like side kick kinda package

    • Vivian

      August 24, 2016 at 9:42 pm

      same thing…being a side chick is same as being in a situationship, In some cases the side chick may know that, in fact that she is #2 but regardless, it is still a situationship.

  30. Sugar and Spice

    August 28, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    Bella you just described my present situation to a T. Don’t know how to get out of it. Lord help me!

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