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The Journey to ‘I Am’ with Tolu Falode: Forgive Him… Find You



TOLU FALODEThe pain scarred her heart; it left a memory that tore her apart. She could not believe her sacrifice had become a device for disaster. She had given and shared her all, and lost herself in the process. She had stayed when she wanted to leave. She had fought with herself to face a future with him, but then she could no longer see. She could not see past the pain she felt from within.

She was certain it was time to leave, but she was weak. She hated him with a passion and she hated her weakness for failing to listen to her eyes instead of her heart. She was blinded with trusting him. Why had she stayed? She questioned herself silently. Why had she given her family up for a figment of a dream? She stood and pondered on who she had become. She stared in the mirror and she was not sure anymore.

She had known a woman of strength and fragility – a woman of ambition and serenity. Somehow, she was faced with a woman with eyes stained with tears and marred with pain, shaking with weakness from the shame. She saw concern in the eyes of family and friends as they advised her it had come to an end. Time had moved forward and she had gotten stuck in the past. He was a part of her past.

She had whispered those thoughts before but now she voiced them slowly and clearly as she gathered her words. Her voice shook uncertain as she pondered on each word. He. Was. A. Part. Of. Her. Past. And with that realization came a rush of release it felt like she had found the keys to set herself free.
Something shifted when she realized this. The pain became a power she suddenly felt coursing through her being. She wasn’t exactly sure what it was or what it meant, but it gave her the strength to push past her past and that was him.
So whenever he reached forward for her as she moved briskly past, he only managed to brush her with a whisper no matter how hard he tried. He had become a part of her past and somehow expected her to see him in her present and forget all about his acts. But there is a strength and wisdom that comes from these experiences of shipwrecked romance. There is a naivety that is washed away in the waves as they drown your desires…for that person and that partner. It is an honesty that is birthed in the storm and propels you forward to realise that life is much more than constant painful calls and unappreciated acts.

Love is reciprocated; it does not abuse. It does not hurt and leave you bruised.

He chose to release the pain and forget all about you. Not so much the lessons, because those are treasures in the trash heap that was used to abuse her love and her trust. She would never let those lessons escape her view. They provide a context to gauge every single suitor that tries once more to disguise their truth. What she chose to forget was the pain of investing somewhere without receiving a return. She chose to forget what it felt like initially to think you were truly loved because she realized life always gives back to you what you position yourself for.

She had chosen to position herself in her truth. She had chosen to release the past; to embrace and love whoever came forward with truth. Whoever truly saw her for who she was and appreciated not only her outer beauty, but was drawn to her inner strength. Someone who was serious about his intentions, to build a life free of pretence.

At the end of the day that was all the truth she prayed for, but she never understood she desired until she met you. Her past had introduced her to her present truth and so she was grateful and said a ‘thank you’ that was heartfelt not meant to serve as some form of backhand or abuse. She truly meant her gratitude because through you she had met herself and more importantly she had realized her truth-and her truth will connect her with a partner who valued her views. Excitement coursed her veins as she embraced purpose filled steps to align her on the path with this beautiful reflection of her values. Finally connected with a partner that valued her truth.

Somewhere along the way, she realized the pain had gone away and turned into strength to help others move past their own shame. That was how she realized she forgave you. She could look back and laugh quietly at what had seemed to be the end of her dreams because she had no idea it would propel her into her destiny – a life filled with laughter and truth free of all forms of abuse.

This was how she discovered her truth.

Tolu Falode is a Relationship Counselor with over 6 years experience counseling couples and singles on having an amazing marriage. She shares dating tips on Instagram: @fantheflame and YouTube: Tolu Falode. Email: [email protected]


  1. Bee

    October 1, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    Lovely write up, thank you for this piece.

    • Tolu Falode

      October 3, 2016 at 4:18 pm

      Thank you for reading!

  2. mummybobo

    October 1, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    Hhmmm, thank you

  3. Darius

    October 1, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    Very interesting!

  4. marlee

    October 1, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    thanks Tolu. your story always brighten and cheer me up. always. God bless

    • Tolu Falode

      October 3, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      I’m so glad to hear that! Thank you! God Bless

  5. Valkyr

    October 1, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    A better title should be ‘Forgive and Find Yourself’..

    Any one can invest without returns.. Such a pain scars any heart.. Anyone can be blinded by trusting anyone.. Any human..not just the female human..

    So beautiful a story told one-sidedly..

  6. GraceOfGOD

    October 1, 2016 at 8:39 pm

    @Tolu Falode

    Good evening MADAM, this POST is SUPERB, I think you are TALENTED, the way you write is SPECIAL and CAPTIVATING, at least TO ME. Stay BLESSED 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • Tolu Falode

      October 3, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      Thank you so much! I am encouraged by your comment-blessings to you!

  7. Olaide

    October 2, 2016 at 7:15 am

    Thank u for sharing this @Tolu Falode. This write up describes how I felt at a time and how I feel now. A heart break brings along with it quality pain most especially when it is unecpected. More power to ur elbow.

    • Tolu Falode

      October 3, 2016 at 4:20 pm

      Thank you so much Olaide! I’m glad to hear that this post was relatable to your experience break ups are hard but they just propel you into your breakthrough! God bless you!

  8. Happy.A.

    October 3, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    Tanks for sharing dis..has really encouraged me

  9. Makeup Marci

    October 6, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    This is WONDERFULLY written!

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