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Efe Omordia: Of Irreconcilable Differences & Finding Former Person in the New Relationship

Efe Omordia

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dreamstime_m_74153636There is something about the concept of marriage that plays out on ‘E’ that plays out on the red carpet, on the covers of glossy magazines, on the pulpits of celebrity congregations, and in the lives of business moguls. It is something that appears admirable, and glamorous – but yet is so heartbreakingly vulnerable.

What is it about modern day marriages which even after getting the approval or envy of the populace still makes it come to a halt in a fragmented manner reminiscent of cars in a pile up? Why do things fall apart?

What is it about the coming together of a man and woman who have the intention to live like Cinderella and the Prince in a ‘happily ever after’ bubble that is so fatal? Somehow all they end up doing is sharing the fate of the wicked stepsisters?

Is it that in the reality called real life, it’s not possible to have a picture perfect relationship as a result of a picture perfect wedding? Why doesn’t a courtship in Paris, a wedding in Dubai, a honeymoon in Cairo guarantee bliss? What is it about celebrity relationships and marriages that is so fickle?

Sometimes when we watch them in a mixture of admiration, envy and wistfulness at their whirlwind courtships, we think they have something that is elusive, that is strictly off limits for regular folks who live nondescript lives.

With eyes glinting, they talk about how they met in one exotic location or the other, and they tell us how they are so sure that the partner and spouse –to- be is just right. They say it with a sincerity, that on closer scrutiny is no different from well-rehearsed lines in their latest movies, illegal business deals. The failed campaign promise, that is no different from the romantic lyrics in their award winning musical compilation.  It is no different, in their unrealistic and scripted portrayal in the latest reality show.

In hindsight when we see the accusations and counter accusations on the pages of the newspaper, we realise that maybe they didn’t really know who they were in the first place –  at least not enough to know who really complements their weird lifestyles coupled with great acting abilities.

You see celebrities and politicians by default are meant to give an impression that is usually not true. They are meant by the forces that control them to tantalize the tastes of ordinary folks who are the potential customers, clients or Soul Harvest Field. They are meant to give bored housewives something to look forward to in their state of mundaneness. They are meant to challenge the couch potato to buy one item or the other that he can’t afford, they are meant to give pimple faced secondary school students more reasons to feel dissatisfied with their lives.

They are meant to make the woman who hawks around the squalor settlement she calls home constantly be in a state of wistfulness, they are meant to make the artisan who pumps up vehicle tyres or washes cars feel inadequate. They act the script so beautifully that in the process they lose themselves.

The lose that person, who in the past could buy cooked corn on the roadside without a care in the world. They lose that side, that could love someone of the opposite sex who was broke as they were. They lose that person, who could be in a ‘Keke, ‘okada’ and commercial bus and yet feel so good. that side that could be broke before the end of semester, that side that used to spend the whole day farting in the living room. They have lost the days when it was just them, their simple dreams and aspirations.

Somewhere on the altar of soul-sacrifice, they have sacrificed the humane side and taken on the demons of deceit, blasphemy, immorality, foul language, nudity which acts out through their desperation to get famous, to get elected to leave a false legacy; a mirage.

In their adopted lifestyles they use words like irreconcilable differences to cover selfishness and self-centredness. They fail to say that what is actually irreconcilable and conflicting in their lives is beyond the current marriage that is about to be ripped apart like a piece of tattered cloth. The irreconcilability lies within them in the discrepancies, distortions, despair that has become their new way of existence.

Photo Credit: Andrey Popov | Dreamstime.com

Efe Omordia is a Behaviour Specialist; she works with individuals who need Behavioral interventions. With a passion for working with children in single-parent households, she’s currently working on the New Media Interaction Project with secondary-school age children and conducts online Relationship Potential Evaluation for young adults. She blogs at www.innategifts.blogspot.com

21 Comments

  1. A Real Nigerian

    November 23, 2016 at 7:23 pm

    LOOOL!
    The way this piece slowly develops into an angry, hateful rant towards the end is truly hilarious.

    • henrique

      November 24, 2016 at 2:39 am

      fake nigerian, i know u will mess up this comment box with ur silly comments, is that all u have to say as a reply to such an intellectual masterpiece which am too sure that ur dumb brain can never write. dont bother replying, u wouldnt come bact to read ur trash

    • Stephanie

      November 24, 2016 at 5:53 am

      Is she your sister? Your writing style is similar

    • Jade

      November 24, 2016 at 9:10 am

      Intellectual mastershit you mean? this is pure drivel!

  2. Empress CHO

    November 23, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    I swear i had to “huh”
    Ma’am find a better means to offload your anger about the rising cases of divorce among celebs.
    I agree it’s upsetting but abeg losing it in a “scalar” article no be am at all.

    Farting all day in the living room may just be joblessness at it’s peak. Having simple dreams and ambitions is not just enough for everyone. And what makes you think irreconcilable differences is about self-centeredness and other judgmental small-minded trash you be spewing.

    Who are you to downgrade their courtship tales and lump it as well-rehearsed roles. Jeez…i’m trying to get into your skull and i bet you want to be a celeb so bad as well. Maybe you think you could do that role so well and be an “effective role model”. But then your reality is far from it so you become the self-righteous commoner with a stinky superiority complex and holy anger at the celebs for singlehandedly watering down the concept of marriage… the only part of your life you may or hope to excel in, in your settling unfulfilled life.
    Poor you.

    The larger than life living celebs bleed too.
    Look around you and see even the common people who buy roadside corn marry for the wrong reasons too, go to some weddings and see how they rope in the holy spirit in elaborate meeting tales, and they divorce too for ridiculous reasons as well.
    So pls shut it, and get creative.
    Like the celebs you have so critiqued needlessly, you have sacrificed the chance to be empathetic, pass on a meaningful message, present a deeper content to that eye-catching topic to being a blind morality thumping, severely hypocritical, chronically complexed writer.
    Many marriages are going beautifully well, many are failing as well, peasants and royalty alike. Grow a broader mind and ponder deeper not lash out like some salted earthworm…if it even lashes.
    This rubbish you put here is what it is …..rubbish!

    Change profession as well should you persist in this mindset, can imagine you as the type who judge and gossip their clients. Behaviour specialist indeed!

    I hope network don’t mess up this comment, this human being needs to think more.

    • cheek

      November 23, 2016 at 9:44 pm

      Express…..you sound bitter. Kilode?

    • Empress CHO

      November 23, 2016 at 10:22 pm

      Pissed off is the word cheek.
      Thank heavens, you didn’t say hater.
      Tired of writers who get inspired at celeb’s bad news and implant their personal issues in the mix.
      Waste of a lovely topic.
      So lemme help you conclude the article. The celebs after ending relationship due to that irritating phrase “irreconcilable differences”, then readjust their lifestyle, expectations and associations.
      They realise how fake they have become and arrange themselves to fart comfortably. They chase hawkers for boiled groundnuts to look real.
      As way of finding themselves in a new relationship,they finally pick any human out of the how many sincere availables again?
      Then they give a basic courtship tale while on a lie detector machine to convince scrutinizers. Then they manage somehow even when it gets ugly to live happily ever after, aad must ensure they do not get on the flaunting, too happy ride coz it could become too glossy and fake all over again.

      Reduce your expectations about celebs and their union.
      Live your life at your pace, on your page, by your chapters.
      Then you will realise there is absolutely no need to come on so hard and needlessly generalizing with how irreconcilable difference trends amongst them.

    • Darius

      November 24, 2016 at 7:08 am

      @Cheek, no, she doesn’t sound bitter. She/he is idle. Only an idle person would have time to be writing long English like Mango Park.

    • A Real Nigerian

      November 23, 2016 at 10:09 pm

      “Maybe you think you could do that role so well and
      be an “effective role model”. But then your reality is far from it so you become the self-righteous commoner with a stinky superiority complex and holy anger at the celebs for singlehandedly watering down the concept of marriage… the only part of your life you may or hope to excel in, in your settling unfulfilled life.”
      Hahahahahahahah!! ROTFL!!
      This is f*%king BRUTAL.

  3. Boon

    November 23, 2016 at 10:04 pm

    To be honest it started so well..then the second half just seemed lazy and superficial. Think again, discuss with friends and then maybe its worth rewriting. Kudos

    • Para

      August 14, 2018 at 1:29 pm

      Or, I would say the second half was bias and not critically written .

  4. tunmi

    November 24, 2016 at 1:09 am

    It’s a good thing I didn’t bother reading

    • Darius

      November 24, 2016 at 7:03 am

      You wouldn’t have been able to comprehend it, even if you had read it. You don’t have the intellectual stamina.

  5. Anon

    November 24, 2016 at 4:15 am

    The way this writer and many BN commenters act like it’s only rich people or people with nice weddings that have problems and get divorced. Like many woeful marriage tales and divorces aren’t from everyday Nigerians. How many celebs and rich kids have divorced abeg? Like what’s the percentage. Be here rejoicing over people’s bad news while keeping your own skeletons hidden. It’s never nice to play God

    • Ewa

      November 24, 2016 at 8:07 am

      Don’t mind the writer. Don’t we read stories from Igando customary court everyday. e.g “I want to divorce my husband he deprives me of sex”, “I want to divorce my wife, she doesn’t know how to cook.”.. Pssssccchheewww!!!!!!!

  6. Darius

    November 24, 2016 at 7:01 am

    I don’t know why some fools are ranting here. I think it’s an interesting read. I love it. Call me shallow if you like, but I love it.

  7. Papi

    November 24, 2016 at 9:11 am

    @Darius state your opinion without name calling!

  8. thobile

    November 24, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    I love this piece.

  9. That-I-May-Fly

    November 24, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    Okay! Glad I wasn’t the only one who had trouble digesting this…next!

  10. Preciousgift

    November 24, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    …Was beginning to ask what the punchline of this write-up was.Abegi jare,Everyone sha wants to write big English and sound intelligent. #Edit and Rewrite ma’am

  11. Richards

    November 25, 2016 at 10:45 am

    I find the piece quite interesting, ..i wonder why so much hate from people who can’t even construct good article and yet downgrade other people’s efforts

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