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Akpo Uyeh: Are Women Their Worst Enemies?

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Are women their own worst enemies? Well, it is actually subjective; but there is the general view that women have issues amongst themselves.

When Heaven told me her story, I could not help but wonder why women do not have each other’s backs. The competition is real for who is more beautiful, who has more toasters, designers, who is more endowed and accomplished. The truth is, there would always be a woman prettier, taller, more shapely, more intelligent than the other. No one can win the race in the battle for who has it all in the women folk. There would always be someone ahead and someone behind. However, there is enough space for every one of us; besides, variety is the spice of life. When Heaven told me her story, I could not help but wonder why women do not have each other’s back.

Heaven had narrated how she had gone to submit an application a day after closure.  It was partly her fault but circumstances made her a day late. She had got the information late from her colleagues. The day her colleagues had gone to submit theirs, she was unavoidably absent – on a research mission. Heaven had summoned courage, despite her colleagues telling her that it was already late. Since she got the information, it was better to try than not to try at all.

The next day, she gathered all the hard copies of her credentials, dressed corporately and marched to the office that advertised the vacancy to submit her application. She had left home earlier than usual, intensified her prayers asking for unusual favours and that protocols be broken for her sake. Feeling rest assured and trusting in her God, she left home on mission to get one thing done- submit her application no matter what. Later on, she would focus on getting called for an interview. It was step by step. One thing at a time. She was  presently unsatisfied with her present workplace and really needed a career changes.

At the reception, she met a staff and after exchanging pleasantries, she told him reason for her coming. The man at the entrance gave her a little hope but there was  another man who was kinda haughty and not budging. The haughty man had directed Heaven to singlehandedly give the application to the woman -in-charge. There and then, it was brought to Heaven’s notice that woman was a fire for fire woman.

Let me digress a bit. How come if it was a man, the reaction would have been different. The issue of woman power has never been underrated. By virtue of a woman, using what she has especially her beauty to win a man. Looks like men have soft spots for women. When a man wants to get something from another man, he would likely use a woman or go with a woman. An example was sometime ago, we needed to make payments for temporary accommodation in one of the resorts in town. The manager did not want to reduce the cost of the abode, but when a woman was introduced, it took another dimension. Immediately she took over with the negotiations, adding pleas and trying to charm him with her looks and all. The manager had no option but to give in. He yielded big time – woman power to the rescue. It works mostly for the men folk but for the woman folk, that is a different ball game entirely.

So back to Heaven’s story, the other kindhearted man beckoned to him that they should help but his partner was adamant. He even expressed his fears to his colleagues that the woman-in-charge might shout at her for late arrival. In the end, Heaven had to go and meet the woman herself as all persuasion amounted to nothing.

The woman was exact opposite of Heaven-no weave-on (short natural hair instead), no make up, no earrings, very long skirt. Do you know after Heaven explained to the woman the reason for her late submission of the application, the woman literally threw Heaven out. The woman told Heaven to go outside the building, and that was where she attended to her.

Please who does that?
What do you think? Do women have each other’s backs? Why do we compete with each other or see the other woman as a threat? It is every where at school, home, church, workplace you name it. While outside, Heaven was muttering prayers that God touches the woman’s heart and that she gets to submit the application. When the “woman” came out,she clung to the close door handle  tightly shutting the entrance and what came out her mouth was without conscience. First of all, her body language was we don’t want you here.  And then she said it was pointless using a flimsy excuse to disqualify Heaven. That’s how Heaven left defeated. No mercy from her fellow woman.  Even if she rejected Heaven’s application, did she have to do so crudely?

Photo Credit: Scott Griessel | Dreamstime.com

13 Comments

  1. A Real Nigerian

    December 21, 2016 at 2:56 pm

    “Akpo Uyeh: Are Woman Their Worst Enemies?”

    I think you need to correct that title.

  2. chique

    December 21, 2016 at 3:11 pm

    According to the story, methinks that men are women’s worst enemies. for having referred Heaven to Hell in the first place. they should have just taken Heavens application to Hell.

  3. Here we go again

    December 21, 2016 at 3:11 pm

    Heaven helps those who help themselves.

  4. Abena

    December 21, 2016 at 3:21 pm

    Yes I agree with ‘A Real Nigerian’ that the title is not appropriate enough.

  5. Tob

    December 21, 2016 at 3:29 pm

    The mentally displayed in this article. The sense of entitlement, to blame eveybody, but one’s self, to ignore clearly defined rules,and protocols is the reason why Nigeria is still a third world country. Why in God’s name would anyone think that just by begging and flirting you should be entitled to an extension for a job application. Rules are rules. Follow them or get out of the way. Don’t blame others for your problem or their strict adherence to the rules. You could meet the deadline for a job application. Fine. That’s on you. Don’t blame a supervisor for her lack of interest in bending the rules for you. We fail to look at the bigger picture. What if the lady supervisor also has a boss that she needs to report to? The Heaven storyteller, may God help her case. She is not even in day one and she want to start making her own rules. Check your privilege. Just because you a woman doesn’t mean you can flirt your way through every door.
    For the author, the logic applied in this article is the most misogynistic, self advance, and entitled piece of writing I have read in a long time. Please keep your poisonous thinking to yourself and don’t infect the next generation. While you are at it, take a Real Nigerian’so advice and fix the title.

  6. Zeeebby

    December 21, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    That wome are their worst enemies….. I have heard it too many times, infact I have experiences to share. However, the example given in this article doesn’t cut it. The fact that Madam “no earring and long skirt” didn’t bend the rules to suit Heaven (interesting name by the way) doesn’t mean she is an enemy. More so the article doesn’t give some details e.g was Madam rude to Heaven? Did she act aggressively towards her? What was the general response to such situations in the past… was it because she is a woman or would she have done the same to a Male applicant?,……too many questions.

  7. Fast cars

    December 21, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    I deducted 3 things from this article
    1. The applicant goes to shiloh (no offence to Shiloh goers) and they told her this year was definitely going to be her year, even if she flouts all the rules, papa has already spoken, I mean that oughta mean something.
    2. The applicant pays lots of attention to all those Jesus loving Instagram Nigerian wives. They always brag about how protocols break for them. She forgot that those ones are living in their own private world. (Na money dey talk but everything is a testimony)
    3. Her own entitlement is on another level. I mean what does woman to woman have to do with this shit.

  8. ab

    December 21, 2016 at 5:14 pm

    If we critically analyse that title, it may not necessarily be that we are other women’s worst enemies . Yes this lady may have been late at submitting her application but why deal with her in such a lousy, hateful, demeaning way?!

    Yes some will say if the deadline is gone its gone why will you want the rules changed for you well hunny a praying woman, who believes in a God sure know that rules can be changed, twisted, flipped, removed completely etc to bring favor and so what will trying cost her?!

    I find that some (not all but these days I am seeing & meeting a lot of em) Nigerian women have an attitude like I aint even joking its like the minute someone genuinely wants to talk to them or ask a question or just interact with no bad intention, the face they make, the attitude that oozes outta them, the aura they exude? like, ma Soeur! calm down! listen first and if it doesn’t sit well with you, kindness, sweetness, gentleness in your tone, demeanor, attitude aint gon’ hurt nobody! I am guilty of this and yes I am Nigerian and this I am certainly working on and I thank God for grace, cause I am wayyyy better than before!

    Maybe its not really a case of been an enemy to others but to our own selves, cause when you are not sure of yourself sometimes or what you are capable of doing its easy to be defensive, have a wall up,and be aggressive etc because you are afraid a challenge might expose a weakness which we dont want the other to see !

    This woman could have done this too to a man, we dont know, seeing that her other colleagues say she is a bit of a hard nut! so it may be more to do with her as a person as opposed to been an enemy to a particular gender!

  9. Yinka

    December 21, 2016 at 8:12 pm

    So because she did not accept the application after the deadline,the boss woman is bad. And what is women don’t support women,should women support other women even if they go against the rules.And why the emphasis on beauty,wigs,earrings and makeup;are u suggesting the boss lady denied her the privilege to submit an application of which the deadline has passed because she was jealous of her “beauty”

  10. Dora

    December 22, 2016 at 12:48 am

    I don’t mean to sound prejudice, I’m just talking from my personal experiences; I think that black women have serious attitude issues and a sort of rivalry/envy amongst themselves. And this is not just Nigerian women, I mean African American, black British, carbbean and African women. Haven lived and worked with white women, I can tell you their attitude and countenance and support for each other is sooo different. However, there are exceptions to every rule.

    • Tob

      December 22, 2016 at 1:41 am

      Prejudice is not sufficient to capture the level of bias in your comment. For you to make such a gross generalizations on an entire race of women based on your interaction with what may very well be less than .01% of black women is troubling. How many Yoruba women have you interacted with, Nigerian women, African women, and other women of African descent have you interacted with to make such a summation? All black women my foot. If you keep having the same experiences, and if every single black woman you have come across is so bad, it’s about time you need to check yourself. You just may be the one in need of an attitude adjustment.

  11. Omo

    December 22, 2016 at 9:45 am

    I also agree with you that women should not feel entitled just because they are “women”. Additionally, the woman tagged “enemy” here was actually doing her job! Most likely she would have turned the applicant even if it was a Man. However, please we must not be perceived as abusive or acerbic towards the writer. The use of such words/phrases like “misogynistic”, “poisonous thinking”, can kill anyone’s spirit and indeed make them appear evil when they actually are not. I hope my own 2cents sits well with you……….

  12. Omo

    December 22, 2016 at 9:48 am

    “turned back” the applicant ………typo please.

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