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#BN2016Epilogues: Of Abortions, Friends & 2nd Chances! How Mary* Got Through the Year

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It’s that time of the year when members of the BellaNaija community come together to bond over shared experiences in the last 12 months. As with the previous editions of this series, we put out a call for you to send us your stories. {Click here if you missed it} To catch up on the first few stories this year, click HERE.

***
January – October 2016
Started on a bright note just like every other year, so much happiness in the air; (fresh in my head just like yesterday). Then I got back to school, and started my whole normal routine with my friends – school, church, home. My life was a triangle, nothing eventful.

Fast forward to November 2016. It was unarguably the worst month of my life. I’ve tried to write this particular part more than four times and I always end up in tears. I couldn’t have gone through a worse ordeal.By the second week of November, I started noticing certain changes in my body, I started peeing like 20 times in a day. Then, I told my best friend that I was peeing frequently and I was disturbed about it. She gave the suggestion that we should check symptoms for pregnancy. Out of about 20 symptoms I was only experiencing one(frequent peeing). So she said it’s not pregnancy, since it was the peeing- no boob pain or anything.

The next day, my friend advised that I should take a pregnancy test. She got two test kits. I peed into the kit, closed my eyes praying it will turn out negative. I opened my eyes after 1 minute. Right there my world crumbled, I saw two red lines, extremely bold lines. I could not believe it, I took the second test, right there in my heart I knew it was finished, two red lines stared at me again. I couldn’t shed tears; at the moment I started laughing. I felt like I was going mad(did I mention that I had exams the next day) All that kept ringing in my head was “you’re finished” – because I knew I couldn’t keep the baby and I wasn’t ready to have an abortion.

We came to the conclusion that I was going to have an abortion. Never have I been so scared in my entire life…two days after I found out I was pregnant, I started having the feeling of broody. I was contemplating if I should keep the baby or not. At that time, I got my period; I was happy the test kit was gave a false reading… blah blah blah and I took the test again. Lo and behold, it was positive again. Fear was in my face again…I was scared, menstruating and pregnant. I searched Google, I started seeing different results. I saw something about an ectopic pregnancy. I wanted to run mad. After consistent bleeding for three days, I knew I had to do the abortion fast. I didn’t want any complications.

The man that got me pregnant didn’t even care that I was pregnant. Lord I shed those tears I couldn’t find. My friend always consoled me saying; “Men think with their penis” … I believed her that day, I decided to be strong for myself because I knew I had to look out for me and only me.

Fast forward to abortion day.
My friends and I decided to pray for grace. We know we had committed a big sin (we already planned and finished the abortion in our heads). I remember the song I sang that day while asking for grace in tears
Ore -ofe sha, ni’gbekele mi
Jesu kun fun araye
O kun fun mi pelu.
I kept on singing this particular song.

I walked into the small hospital, gripped by fear all over. We went to the room where the abortion would be done, when I saw the instruments – I wanted to drop dead. One big ass scissors and the rest. She said something after she opened my vagina using one of the instruments; “You had a miscarriage already, I’ll just have to remove the remains of the foetus”. She said it would not take long, I was low-key happy that I wouldn’t be here for long. She inserted one of those things into my vagina and started the process.The pain was indescribable. I don’t even know how to describe it. Mad excruciating pain…tears fell down my face. I regretted every pleasure I went through that got to this pain. After 15 minutes of pain, it was finally over. The STORM was over. I consider it a storm.

Then I got home, used drugs and recovered. The man I considered as my boyfriend neglected me. There was not even a call to check if I was recovering or nah. My world crumbled again. I was totally heartbroken. Heartbroken is an understatement; but thank God for friends. Whenever I count my blessings, I count you all twice. I couldn’t have asked for better friends, who stood by me, all the way to the end.

I learnt lessons in the worst way this year. Currently, I’m happy and getting my steps with God. Enjoying every moment of my life…

Those of you that are curious about the boyfriend. We parted ways, and are never getting back together. I cannot look at past the hurt even if I tried to.

I know I have a better year ahead of me – where my relationship with God soars higher. I’m not looking for a relationship with man right now. That’s the last thing on mind, but I like a Man (I dunno if we will get together or nah, I’m not thinking about it). The Bible says “if sorrow tarries through the night, joy comes in the morning”
I have the best friends in the world. Friends like family who will never desert you…
Here’s to the 2017.
I wish you a merry and joyful Christmas and a happy and remarkable 2017 ahead.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

36 Comments

  1. Male empathy

    December 25, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    Na wah!! Tinz naija girls for simple boy friends ehn, e no easy. It is well

    • A Real Nigerian

      December 25, 2016 at 5:48 pm

      ????

    • Grace

      December 25, 2016 at 6:28 pm

      Thank God for your life. You could have allowed the miscarriage take its natural cause. I just hope the doctor did not do any further damage. The Lord is your strength.

    • Joy

      December 27, 2016 at 3:46 pm

      Children let’s talk the talk. I am indeed grateful that the writer is alive and has realized her mistakes. As a parent, please don’t pay me back with stress. I go through a lot though I do not tell you everything. I didn’t realize deeply what my parents went through until I became a parent myself and realized how luxurious it was to sit down on the table to eat, or go to the rest room especially when you were younger. Last week, I was dealing with thoughts concerning changing schools. I prepared your lunch box and enjoyed doing it but somehow I liked the balanced diet the nutritionist in school provided so they slammed me with a higher school fees. I prayed about the school you attend now, the teachers are so lovely and the school itself is exclusive. I was not under any pressure. When I saw the school amongst others, I thought about you and how much you’ll love it and still get good education even though it is not cheap. I don’t care much about designers anymore as long as I look good and wear what suits me. You are more important to me than all that. I think about you first before I make decisions and sometimes I don’t attend all occasions because of you and that is ok. Please don’t pay me back with sex before marriage. I work very hard so your journey in life can be safe and smooth. Those boys or girls who are not ready to put the ring on cannot sacrifice for you and you know it. When you are done with school and started on the right career path even if you tell me that you are ready to get married even at 23, I am also ready. A lot of parents hussle a lot and don’t let their children know much. We all work hard for you ok. Yes . God used us as a channel but if we assume our own responsibilities, then assume yours with joy also. Don’t flush the money and sacrifices down the drain. When I was getting married, my father did not have much but he told my mum that he will try his very best because I did not bring him shame. Yes, my dad worked very hard. When school fees increased in College, I was not bothered. My parents did not dump me after all some parents do that instead they got focused and took their responsibilities seriously. Last night, family offered me a vacation trip, I am currently thinking about how to tell the generous person to convert mine into cash. What bothers you are not important, maybe the next game or how you are not accepted by your peers, meanwhile you will later on realize the fact that it is so minute compared to having to give you a beautiful life. Please think about me when you are making decisions. I have made life easy for you. Some of your mates work hard at a tender age to add to family finances but I never asked for that so what is all these sex thing about that you can’t wait. Do you know that some responsible parents can’t have sex properly until children have eaten and school fees paid. So please let your head be correct and don’t assume everything is easy just because we make it seem so in order to protect you.

  2. memebaby

    December 25, 2016 at 4:31 pm

    Glad you made it through the year and thank God for friends. I wish i had friends like family..even family isn’t like “family”… merry christmas guys

    • Valkyr

      December 27, 2016 at 4:25 am

      Try making them

  3. ogeAdiro

    December 25, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    You believe that abortion is a sin and you’re praying for grace even before you commit the sin?.. Very interesting something!

    • Rrrrrrr

      December 25, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      Coconut head, would you have preferred she had gone through with the ectopic pregnancy? Or have an unwanted child that she would throw away later?? Be there casting stones.

    • Joanna

      December 27, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      What’s all these patting at the back all about. This generation though the most highly educated, yet the most gullible. Do you not know that actions have consequences? If you eat Mc Donald’s everyday for one month will you remain the same. Condoms and protection were made for your lack of self control. Who told you they will protect you 100%. When you know you don’t want a baby at the wrong time, STD’s or HIV. Why did you have sex. Have you not heard about babies who refuse to get aborted with the pill. Continue your philandering. When you turn age 90, you will learn.

    • A Real Nigerian

      December 25, 2016 at 5:48 pm

      Idiot.

    • Grace

      December 25, 2016 at 9:58 pm

      No one should crucify Oge. The truth is the truth no matter how much you hide it. It may not appeal to your emotions. Yes the girl has moved on and God is a God of mercy but let’s point out what is wrong. Don think the writer would ever go through that kind of experience if she could re write history.

    • Ajala & Foodie

      December 28, 2016 at 2:42 am

      @Grace, I know someone that had not 1, 2 or 3 Abortions but 15 yes a whole 1-5 and that does not include the one child she had in Junior year in high school. So yes there are people who do not learn. To think if she had all the kids that will be 16 altogether all before wedlock. This person be advising people today, Yes i know God is a God of Grace and Mercy but having 15 abortions prior to wedlock is not something to be proud of and tout around like it is an honor. I am not saying she cannot offer others hope but she keeps hammering on the number like it is a badge of honor. People are paying to hear her talk today and we wonder what is wrong with the current generation.

    • Kanyinsola

      December 25, 2016 at 11:09 pm

      Very interesting.

    • lily

      December 29, 2016 at 5:28 am

      Judge. kontinu

  4. Darius

    December 25, 2016 at 5:24 pm

    If you are not ready to be a parent, use protection. Why do people find it so difficult to adhere to this simple rule?

    • Kanyinsola

      December 25, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      Thank you ooo! Aye e a daaa!
      Hmmmnnn

    • Huh?

      December 26, 2016 at 12:51 am

      To think durex is less than 1k Naira , and abortion is not cheap, plus all that pain. Smh
      This story is annoying cos I don’t understand how you will comfortably enjoy sex with a BOYFRIEND, without condoms!
      Girls, please consider your health… HIV, Hepatitis, Staphylococcus, unwanted pregnancy… it’s not worth the few minutes of pleasure, really.

  5. Bey

    December 25, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    The guy cldnt even go with you, mehnnn what sort of man is that? I don’t know wat sort of men girls are dating now.
    Are you sure you guys we’r dating ???
    It’s time Nigerian women start taking dere sexual and reproductive health in dere own hands. Buy condoms if d guy won’t use. If u make d mistake of not using one, buy d morning after pill. It’s just N500 or so. That wld have saved you all dis grief.
    Then during evacuation for a miscarriage are you not suppose to be sedated.
    It is welllll, pls learn from this.

  6. abby

    December 25, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    My dear, you didn’t have a boyfriend o..u had a guy that was sleeping with you period..i’m not here to judge, I hope you’ve learnt your lesson..stop having unprotected sex with people ur not married to, it could be hiv.

  7. hadiza

    December 25, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    Am I delusional or is a person not supposed to be sedated during such procedure?? girl, u are lucky to be alive. Nigerian hospitals are quack! They can’t even afford anaesthesia??? wow!! wow!!! Thank God for the miscarriage though.

    • Kanyinsola

      December 25, 2016 at 11:12 pm

      Thank God for he miscarriage…. unbelievable.

  8. californiabawlar

    December 25, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    Quite a surreal experience. I had a friend go through something similar…but the reaction was totally opposite. Although like the OP she had initially considered an abortion…even had a few drinks in my presence (me I didn’t know o!). Then she changed her mind, a few days after she changed her mind, she lost the belle. Now, the part I didn’t get was how despondent she was at the loss of the pregnancy. I stood by her after she told me of the miscarriage….practically nursed her back to physical and emotional health. But I felt and still feel some guilt when I dismiss her mourning of the fetus. The potential baby daddy is batshit crazy…they had broken up a few times already (1year relationship), it was going to be a hot mess. I almost feel like her reaction (and maybe the OP’s as well) is more of a mourning of the relationship than the belle drama. So do I feel bad ‘thanking God’ for the miscarriage?

    Though odd, and a tad unsettling, I’m not one to judge the praying before going for the abortion…I’m reaching but I kinda even feel like God relieved you of the guilt by taking the baby away before the procedure. Like the child God took away from David and Bathsheba, God will give you a family of yours when the time is right. Just remember to live in His will henceforth. Peace!! All the best with 2017!

  9. Me

    December 25, 2016 at 8:34 pm

    Darling, some things should be kept to ourselves. I’ve had an abortion and the only person I told was elder sister who trained me and that was after the abortion because she wouldn’t have allowed it. I wish you healing in your spirit soul and body

    • Jennietobbie

      December 25, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      I disagree with “some things should be kept to ourselves” BS. People teach by/learn/heal from sharing. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in life.
      =====================
      Please protect yourselves if you are sexually active especially if you are not ready for a child. I don’t understand how you can have sex and not think about the possibility of becoming pregnant.

      Merry Christmas.

    • Anne

      December 25, 2016 at 10:11 pm

      Na wa for all these preaching on protection. No one is preaching abstinence again. Odikwa serious. Me I abstained until marriage. As a Born Again christian, I didn’t want shame. Also, I was too afraid. My family was too much in the Nigerian limelight that it would have come out in the papers.

  10. Idomagirl

    December 26, 2016 at 1:34 am

    Hopefully that instrument didn’t do any long lasting damage.

  11. purplieciousbabe

    December 26, 2016 at 1:49 am

    Please how can I submit my epilogue????

  12. Marks

    December 26, 2016 at 2:06 am

    The Nigerian church has to be overhauled. Morality, patience, and other virtues should be at the forefront of its message, not affluence and miracles. The way many young christians get deep into sins even in their ‘christianliness’ is a pointer to the mess and sham that is the 2016 Nigerian christendom.

  13. Lolu

    December 26, 2016 at 2:09 am

    I honestly dont understand how this triangle…. school, church, home…. will result in pregnancy but all the same thank God for his mercies

  14. purplieciousbabe

    December 26, 2016 at 2:13 am

    I dont think its reasonable and fair for anyone to judge her. In fairness, she is speaking her truth and in comparison to most of us she is living her truth. Please stop putting God in a box.
    I know a close friend who had an abortion, carried on having premarital sex, now has a baby and married.
    She never for once felt bad. She did not even feel it was a baby :(.
    I did not judge her.
    Shit happens and people do their own thing.

    My thing is though, I pray God answers as many are seeking for babies. My heart bleeds for them. xxx

    • Anon

      December 26, 2016 at 8:08 am

      Not judging her at all. But if you are a Christian or better put if you decide to identify yourself as a Christian certain standards are expected from you.
      You can’t comfortably live on sin and still claim to be a child of God. It doesn’t work that way.

    • Nkechi

      December 26, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      Can we balance speaking the truth in love with being judgemental. I am tired of people forcing others to remain mute regarding an issue just because they don’t want to sound judgemental. When I got pregnant. The symptoms were so serious that I got admitted to the hospital, couldn’t even stand, talk or eat properly. Then I thought to myself. How can a woman go through this for a boyfriend. It just doesn’t not make sense. Abstinence is the way out. What if the relationship does not work. Sex makes everything complicated and clouds your judgement. You better love yourselves girls before your lives become messy and you become the next statistics to the guy.

  15. #Idontjudgeanymore

    December 26, 2016 at 7:29 am

    Hmmm…concerning abortions, I don’t even try to judge anyone anymore. I know there’s abstinence, condoms, STIs etc and it’s foolish to have sex when u can’t handle the responsibilities that come with it bla bla but shit happens! I am very sure I would have been the first to nail this writer to the cross until I got pregnant some years ago and also had an abortion. No one will ever understand how the shoe hurts until u wear it yourself. Unlike her case, my ex was the sweetest, he stayed with me all through the times I was being crazy, emotional, broody, had a scan and even in the abortion room sef and he’s a Nigerian Yoruba guy. So not all Nigerian guys are as wicked or heartless as expected. He was simply the best and till today we exchange pleasantries once a while even though he’s now married to someone else.
    All of my story aside, let us be less judgemental cos m sure this writer has already been through a lot, knows all the truth about condoms, abstinence, STIs etc. Also please guys learn to be considerate when you find out a girl is pregnant for u. What is the big deal in being an emotional support for a crime u both committed together? No one knows tomorrow o! Let’s all be nice and less judgemental people this 2017. Happy new year in adv everyone!

  16. tt

    December 26, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    each time I see posts like this. I don’t claim innocence, all I do is to ask for God’s grace to continue to speak for me. if you crucify someone because of that bad thing they have done today , you don’t know what you would wake up doing, tomorrow. all I do is to seek the refuge of God from such difficult situation n I also try not to walk on the path.

    season greeting.

  17. Chic

    December 26, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    I would love to connect with the poster as I went through almost the situation. Can you kindly drop an email address or a BBM pin. Thanks 🙂

    • Chic

      December 27, 2016 at 7:22 am

      Or you could add me 55A8294A

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