It was November and Lisa had just turned 11. It was her first time away from home and she was still trying to figure out life in boarding school. She was the shy type and she didn’t have a lot of friends yet, but there was this boy in her class. He was dark and handsome, tall for his age too; smart and funny, everyone loved him! He was also a November baby, and to her that was a sign. She had a crush on him; it was the first time she really liked someone and was old enough to realize it. But Philip had eyes for someone else—Cindy, a girl in their class and one of Lisa’s friends. Lisa knew this but that didn’t stop her, and she was yet to make a move.
One beautiful Sunday morning, one of the boys suggested the entire class play Truth or Dare. It was all fun and games until it was HIS turn. Apparently everyone in class knew of the massive crush Lisa had on him; they also knew he liked the Cindy. What better way to find out who it was going to be?
“Truth or Dare?”
“Truth”, he replied.
They had asked Philip to choose between Lisa and Cindy. They had offered to give him buns (his favorite snack at the time) from that day until graduation five years later if he chose Lisa, but if he chose Cindy, he would have to give them his buns.
“I’m sorry, but I choose Cindy.”
That was how Lisa was turned down by her crush, before she even got the chance to say something to him. At least, he had the decency to hesitate and express discomfort before answering. Cindy could care less about him, and yet he chose her! It was the first time Lisa got her heart broken. It was also the last time Lisa played Truth or Dare.
I wrote the “guy version” of this article last week (Click HERE if you missed it). I asked a few of my guy friends how they would prefer to be turned down by a girl they liked. Only three options came up and somehow EVERY one of them seemed to prefer that the girl told them straight up that she wasn’t interested.
It only seemed right that I wrote the female version of the article so I did my research and asked a bunch of my female friends how they’d prefer to be turned down. From my little story, I think it’s very clear how not to.
(By the way, in case you didn’t guess yet, that was a true story and yes, I am Lisa.)
To no surprise, there was no consensus among the ladies. I asked over twenty of them and before giving their response, almost all of them made sure to express in one way or another what an unpleasant experience that would be, and how they hope it will never happen to them. Anyway, these were the responses I got:
1. Be straightforward about it and tell her why, POLITELY
Don’t waste her time or leave her dreaming; she don’t got time for no games. She would respect your honesty and it would really help to know your reason because she deserves a reason (and as one of my friends put it: “he better have a goddamn good reason”.) But be mindful of the fact that she’s in a vulnerable position so be nice about it
2. Tell her you’re not interested, but feel free to lie about why
While she respects your honesty, the truth might just hurt too much, so say something like “I’m talking to someone else” or “Look, you’re great and all, but personally, I don’t think this will work out for me.” It would also help if you made it more about yourself, rather than your dislike for her.
3. Make sure to have the conversation in person, not over the phone or via text
4. Tell her in a text message; it might be too awkward in person or over a phone call
5. Be subtle about it; give her hints that she would easily pick up on
For instance, you could be lousy about texting her (but NEVER ignore or block her), or tell her she’s like a sister to you
Lastly, and this has got to be the funniest answer I got—
6. Pretend to be oblivious until you like her back or get a girlfriend
Don’t you just love the array of answers I gathered? Some people even gave two answers! “It would hurt either way so it didn’t really matter how he does it”, they said.
I think option 6 would be my preferred mode of rejection. What do you guys think?
Photo Credit: Andrey Popov | Dreamstime.com