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Lota Ofodile: What’s The Best Way To Turn a Girl Down?

Lota

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Story time…

It was November and Lisa had just turned 11. It was her first time away from home and she was still trying to figure out life in boarding school. She was the shy type and she didn’t have a lot of friends yet, but there was this boy in her class. He was dark and handsome, tall for his age too; smart and funny, everyone loved him! He was also a November baby, and to her that was a sign. She had a crush on him; it was the first time she really liked someone and was old enough to realize it. But Philip had eyes for someone else—Cindy, a girl in their class and one of Lisa’s friends. Lisa knew this but that didn’t stop her, and she was yet to make a move.
One beautiful Sunday morning, one of the boys suggested the entire class play Truth or Dare. It was all fun and games until it was HIS turn. Apparently everyone in class knew of the massive crush Lisa had on him; they also knew he liked the Cindy. What better way to find out who it was going to be?
“Truth or Dare?”
“Truth”, he replied.
They had asked Philip to choose between Lisa and Cindy. They had offered to give him buns (his favorite snack at the time) from that day until graduation five years later if he chose Lisa, but if he chose Cindy, he would have to give them his buns.
“I’m sorry, but I choose Cindy.”
That was how Lisa was turned down by her crush, before she even got the chance to say something to him. At least, he had the decency to hesitate and express discomfort before answering. Cindy could care less about him, and yet he chose her! It was the first time Lisa got her heart broken. It was also the last time Lisa played Truth or Dare.

I wrote the “guy version” of this article last week (Click HERE if you missed it). I asked a few of my guy friends how they would prefer to be turned down by a girl they liked. Only three options came up and somehow EVERY one of them seemed to prefer that the girl told them straight up that she wasn’t interested.
It only seemed right that I wrote the female version of the article so I did my research and asked a bunch of my female friends how they’d prefer to be turned down. From my little story, I think it’s very clear how not to.
(By the way, in case you didn’t guess yet, that was a true story and yes, I am Lisa.)

To no surprise, there was no consensus among the ladies. I asked over twenty of them and before giving their response, almost all of them made sure to express in one way or another what an unpleasant experience that would be, and how they hope it will never happen to them. Anyway, these were the responses I got:

1. Be straightforward about it and tell her why, POLITELY
Don’t waste her time or leave her dreaming; she don’t got time for no games. She would respect your honesty and it would really help to know your reason because she deserves a reason (and as one of my friends put it: “he better have a goddamn good reason”.) But be mindful of the fact that she’s in a vulnerable position so be nice about it

2. Tell her you’re not interested, but feel free to lie about why
While she respects your honesty, the truth might just hurt too much, so say something like “I’m talking to someone else” or “Look, you’re great and all, but personally, I don’t think this will work out for me.” It would also help if you made it more about yourself, rather than your dislike for her.

3. Make sure to have the conversation in person, not over the phone or via text

4. Tell her in a text message; it might be too awkward in person or over a phone call

5. Be subtle about it; give her hints that she would easily pick up on
For instance, you could be lousy about texting her (but NEVER ignore or block her), or tell her she’s like a sister to you

Lastly, and this has got to be the funniest answer I got—

6. Pretend to be oblivious until you like her back or get a girlfriend
Don’t you just love the array of answers I gathered? Some people even gave two answers! “It would hurt either way so it didn’t really matter how he does it”, they said.

I think option 6 would be my preferred mode of rejection. What do you guys think?

Photo Credit: Andrey Popov | Dreamstime.com

Hi I'm Lota, and I believe that love is the greatest gift of all. I am Nigerian, and my family and friends mean the world to me. I enjoy having great conversations and listening to people's opinions. I am a Nollywood connoisseur of sorts, and a lover of God, food, and everything pink! Writing helps me relax and process my thoughts. Professionally, I am in pursuit of a career that merges my passion for healthcare and entertainment media. Visit my blog at Lota Relates. Watch my vlogs here.

15 Comments

    • Athenia

      January 25, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      Please is your name Sophie lol

    • seyi

      January 25, 2017 at 6:44 pm

      Are you the pilot? Lol

  1. emmy

    January 25, 2017 at 2:42 pm

    Rejection is rejection. Any style, any means, anywhere, any time.

  2. Jagbajantis

    January 25, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    Make her feel the rejection was her idea. If I am not into a girl, who is not getting the message, I start to act like an asshole. That way, she rejects me herself.

    • slice

      January 25, 2017 at 7:12 pm

      It doesn’t work. Yes I’ll reject you but I’ll wonder if I should have. You’re putting your job on another person. This plan only works if you’re not in a relationship. Once she becomes your girlfriend, this plan will stress her/me out

    • Anonymous

      January 25, 2017 at 10:31 pm

      Ugh so childish

  3. Kevoti

    January 25, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    Best way to turn down a girl is to keep telling her there is no connection. She will wake up and leave. That’s all, don’t lead her on.

  4. LemmeRant

    January 25, 2017 at 6:11 pm

    @Jagbajantis
    You’re nice. If only women could be that considerate. Some women behave as if it’s a taboo to like them. Especially if you don’t fit the stereotypical big boy description. I pity guys (myself included) when this happens. From nasty looks, long hiss to unwarranted insults. All you just have to do is say no.

  5. LemmeRant

    January 25, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    As for me, I just ignore the babe. I behave as if I don’t notice her signals, I give excuses not to be around her. When she’s ready, she’ll move on.

  6. Owoidoho Joe

    January 25, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    Hello

  7. woundedButGraced

    January 26, 2017 at 8:51 am

    I got my first rejection from a guy at age 24. He was my good friend initially. He was even more like a big brother, until he started giving off signs that he likes me. Check up on me all that time, sing songs for me, drop me home. Friendship led to flirting and a lot of talking (because we had so much in common, and clicked so much he just seemed like the one?) which led to my first ever kiss and then boy went MIA. He texted me about a week later and when I asked what had gone on with us, Mr. gave me the lousy line of “I like you and I like the fact that I can talk to you and we have so much in common but I will rather jump out of it”. My head was spinning that day as I read the text in my bathroom and I was just laughing out loudly like a mad woman. I had to preserve the last shred of my dignity and tell him I consider him as just a friend too. Now come and see my heart breaking into pieces when I realized that this guy was actually dating one of the most beautiful girls in the office (yea. We worked in the same office). Needless to say, everything became clearer to me. I had just been used as a side piece and of course discarded when the fun was over. Thankfully, I never slept with him. How I got into that situation still beats me because I always guarded my hear so carefully but well it’s a lesson learnt. We will all be rejected by at least one person. It’s how you pick yourself up and move on that matters. He still checks on me. I always say a tight-lipped hello and move on with my life. And he keeps saying I have changed. And the question I ask… Oga, you expect me to remain the same????

    • Audrey

      January 26, 2017 at 4:04 pm

      yes o! lesson learned and i love that you keep it civil and that distance has been created. really love that. i have a little side piece story of my own only i was the main chic that became the side chic. LMFAO!!! Too funny!

    • amebo

      January 27, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      pray tell

  8. kristen

    February 2, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Tell her as it is thank you! Do not go leading her on until the love of your life finally says yes to your proposal.
    Lord knows I’d have been sad but gotten over it quickly, if he had said so instead of stringing me along. True story.

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