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Lota Ofodile: What’s The Best Way To Turn a Guy Down?




A very close friend of mine was recently in this predicament and I honestly didn’t know what advice to give her. Her case was quite special because the guy in question was actually a really good friend of hers. They had been friends for over three years and had grown really close, then he suddenly started wanting to spend more time with her, he texted her more frequently, gave her longer, more frequent hugs and so on—he basically gave her ALL the signs that he was into her! But my friend, being the special ode that she is when it comes to these things, didn’t take them to mean anything. I literally had to drum it into her brain that the guy was totally into her, and when she finally realized what was happening, she started freaking out. And I understood why; she didn’t feel the same way, she didn’t know how to turn him down, and she didn’t want their friendship to become awkward.

Luckily for her, it dragged on for just over two months. The entire time she acted cool like she had no clue what was going on—she was being passive about basically everything. He eventually got the message and backed off (even though I’m almost certain it wasn’t without at least one of his friends making him realize that she wasn’t into him and he was wasting his time). Anyway, that one ended, and fortunately for them, their friendship still stands.

But before all of this blew over, and in an attempt to figure out how best to let him down, we asked some of our guy friends how they’d prefer to be turned down by a girl they liked. We even asked one of our professors (a much older, but definitely one of the coolest guys I know) for his opinion, just so we could broaden the scope and perhaps get a very distinct opinion.
There were only three options that came up, and only one of them won the popular vote, my professor’s included:

Option 1 – Ignore the signs, pretend you don’t know what’s going on and hope that he catches on soon enough.
Option 2 – Brush it off casually and say something along the lines of, “I really enjoy our friendship and I like how things are between us”, OR “You’re like the brother I never had” (ouch!)
Option 3 – Be straight with him and let him know that you’re not interested (double ouch!)

Of these three, (ALL) the guys seemed to prefer the latter—that you let him know straight up that it’s not going to work, and you both move on with your lives (hopefully). I won’t even lie, I was rather surprised because after hearing so much about men and their fragile egos and what not, I assumed that this option wouldn’t even be on the table. But it’s apparently the most preferred, so maybe it really is. But each option isn’t without its downside:

With Option 1, ignoring it might just not work. Some guys can be very persistent; they might even interpret the girl’s passivity as them not doing enough so they’ll just keep trying harder until she responds accordingly and she’ll probably get tired of playing ignoramus before he gives up on her.
With Option 2, one of my friends actually said telling him he’s like a brother or whatever will actually make him want to try even harder to break out of the #friendzone. He already knows you like him enough to consider him “family” so he will do everything he can to get the romantic attraction going. Essentially, this might just give my guy false hope and even make things harder for the girl.
And with Option 3, like I already said, you run the risk of bruising his ego, and there is a very big chance of complicating the friendship (especially if it has gone on for a while); you’re guaranteed at least a moment of awkwardness.

So given these options, how do you proceed? And as much as the outcome might depend on the guy’s personality, his mood, how the girl goes about it, whether or not they are friends and how solid their friendship is and so on, it really might just be a factor of chance. There’s really no way to tell.

What do you guys think? Which of these three would you use/prefer was used on you? Did I leave anything out, and are there any other options you think might work?

(Of course, the easier thing to do will be to simply consider it and give him a shot… you never know, right? LOL)

Look out for Part 2 – “What’s The Best Way To Turn A Girl Down?” on my blog (Lota Relates) next week. Your opinions are welcome ☺

Photo Credit Dreamstime

Lota Ofodile is a writer and blogger who enjoys having great conversations, listening to, and challenging different opinions. Her family and friends mean the world to her, and she believes that love is the greatest gift of all. She is a self-acclaimed Nollywood connoisseur, and a lover of God, food, and everything pink! She is passionate about healthcare and entertainment media, and is in pursuit of a career that merges both fields.


  1. i must talk

    January 16, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    No matter how you present it, some guys/ladies are aradite! they will stay glued until you eventually fades into marriage with someone else and would stalk you afterwards. There are no better ways to say goodbye, just pray the guy/lady is emotionally stable. He/she should also be able to spell and know the meaning of letters ‘NO’.

  2. Leke

    January 16, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    How to turn a guy down = Easy. Just give him ‘some’ and then tell him how you feel

    • LemmeRant

      January 16, 2017 at 8:04 pm

      best answer

  3. Prince Charming

    January 16, 2017 at 5:03 pm

    No lady has ever turned me down. I exude charisma and sex appeal. I always liken myself to the Bermuda Triangle; no lady can resist my magnetic pull. Corolla, watch your back.

    • Mrs Prince Charming

      January 16, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      Continue to make mouth oh, Uncle Prince Charming, Continue!!…Don’t worry the lady that would turn you down and crush you into pieces is dancing awilo in the future…Just wait on it.

    • LemmeRant

      January 16, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      Stop bringing your family drama to BN

      If you have issues. Sort it out like husband and wife.

    • iyke

      January 16, 2017 at 6:11 pm

      No woman has turned you down.? As ‘Prince Charming’ that you is now lol

    • Corolla

      January 16, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      Prince rubbish, not in this world.

    • Mysy

      January 16, 2017 at 7:21 pm

      I met a guy one time at an event and i swear you he had this mysterious aura about him. We started talking and i immidetaly began to feel weak. He had this magnetic pull prince charming is talking about. Im usually able to resist guys but this one was different. I almost fainted from his mere handshake. Thank God he backed off that night because i was ready to lose my morals.
      As anyone met people like @prince charming?
      @prince charming, you might be the guy I met years ago, how did you get this power over women?

  4. Asa

    January 16, 2017 at 5:11 pm

    Let me speak for myself as a girl. I don’ know how to love anyone without encouragement. I can only love you if you have been showing me some serious love in times past. Now if you loved me before and you suddenly stopped loving me, I would hate it if you left me to “figure things out”, you will need to go the 3rd option o. Spell out that the love has ended and why it has ended and let me move on. I cannot do cold shoulder, I will drag confession from you!

  5. iyke

    January 16, 2017 at 5:56 pm

    The guy is not a strong and confident man. Key word….’ body language’!
    He didn’t learn to read whether she was ‘comfortable’ and ‘attracted’ to him in that way.
    What’s the big deal sef?????Guy meets a girl she fancies and her body language says ‘Hello come and get me’…..dude, assume interest and approach, until you have a clear signal that she isn’t interested. If she does signal disinterest, however, respect her wishes, apologies and leave. Trust me, if you offer a simple apology instead of getting pissed off at her for ‘misleading’ you, you might impress her enough to get a connection going after all.
    Girls, if you aren’t attracted to a guy in that way, tell him straight up that you aren’t interested….stop collecting money from them and giving them impression that you fancy them.

    • Mama

      January 17, 2017 at 2:07 am

      The truth is, you guys seem to prefer those ladies that string you along even when obviously not interested. I have been called arrogant (not once) for saying straight up ‘sorry dude, not interested’. Not many guys are emotional mature to handle the truth.

    • Nah

      January 17, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      ‘sorry dude, not interested’.. really? and youre surprised the guys got offended with a response like that


    January 16, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    Lessons learnt?

  7. Yahoo

    January 16, 2017 at 8:16 pm

    I can recall the words of one of my secondary school chums back in the day, “the day a girl reject me she automatically becomes my greatest enemy”. ?. Honestly, there’s nothing that destabilizes a man’s ego rapidly that being rejected by a woman. It is devilish, u will start questioning ur looks, if there’s any alteration genetically you start questioning ur parent?, The best thing to do is while u’re trying to reject his advances be kind enough to do by not scarring his self esteem or ego. It’s almost like being rejected by an employer, so girls be kind.

  8. esteem

    January 17, 2017 at 9:46 am

    Yahoo has spoken. It is the truth even if everyone is runnning away from it, why not tell him with respect so he can understand instead of ridiculous declaration of a No! As an answer. However, not a big deal to be turned down. I personally withdraw when i forsee you are not comfortable. The world is a free world, some pretty ladies will accept you while ther ugly ones go do u yanga, pretty ones go do u yanga while ugly ones accepts u. Just be mature to welcome the answer without much hatred for her afterwards.

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