Queen: I Love My Man, But…There’s Another Man I Love More

I saw a movie recently where a married lady found out her first love is her new co-worker. Although she loved her husband, she struggled to keep her head off her first love. She tried to convince herself all she wanted was closure and always used that as an excuse to speak with him.

As expected, she struggled to keep sane and of course lost interest in her man because she was struggling to hide the feelings and although she never cheated physically, the emotional affair ruined her relationship.

With happenings, I have come to the conclusion that we all seem to define cheating differently; especially now that we get more defensive and interested in emotional affairs. (Justifiably so).

Yet, way before now, most of our parents didn’t really care nor did they ever think of complaining if they caught their partner getting addicted to calling or texting someone of the opposite sex. [The women at the receiving end most of the times (of course)]. It was almost like if you didn’t catch your partner in the act, he isn’t cheating; even when you see the evidences or indicators.

So, there is a debate in most people’s minds today, wanting to know or justify that it’s fine to call your partner out if you notice or see that he is getting too close and always sharing everything and every moment with an opposite sex that you didn’t know as a close friend.
Simply asking, am I allowed to wonder and question why they seem to enjoy each others’ company TOO much? Or am I just being paranoid?

Hmmn!

The purpose of writing this article is to discuss about the act. Why we get so guilty about it. It seemed like it is an abomination to like someone else, even though you already have someone you wouldn’t want to live without.

Yeah, you know how we expect of ourselves just as much as others expect of us and we expect from others that, once we get into a love relationship with someone, we are not allowed to have any sort of feelings or attractions towards an opposite sex. After all, we exchanged hearts. (Unrealistic).

As much as I know you shouldn’t be looking to enjoy another man’s company more than you enjoy your guy’s company; I still think IT DOES HAPPEN to most of us. Married, Engaged or just Dating.

It happens.

In those scenarios where you find out that you are liking another guy, where suddenly it seems you need a break from your man, or where you just wish you were single or maybe you just want a tiny bit of the other man to be yours. It’s OKAY and isn’t always a sign of danger in your relationship.

Don’t forget that the heart isn’t always sure because it only knows what it heard.

So, when you think the guy looks so hot or speaks so well or acts so right and so nice and reminds you of the little flaws of your partner; RELAX, it’s fine, just work yourself right back to where you want to be.

(The problem is that most women start acting helpless and guilty and forget that no matter how strong that feeling is, you still have 100% control over your heart and all you need to do is to act smarter).

How can you push the “compelling” feelings out you ask? Here is what I think you should do.

First, acknowledge that you have a romantic feeling no matter how little towards this “new” person; and you are not allowed to go further with him, because not only are you obliged to be faithful, you are also not allowed to hurt the man you professed love to. This fact has already sent a “RED” code to your heart to guard it.

Secondly, remember that for a fact, the feelings, no matter how genuine or tough or strong are usually temporary no matter how long you think you have had it. And that the heart is still capable of playing the games with you again with another person even if you are with this “new’ guy/crush.

Also, tell someone else who shares the same values as you do about that feeling. Typically, I think the best person to discuss this with would be your partner even if it’s just playfully, yet he gets the message; because trust me, once you know someone you care about knows about the “new” guy and your feelings, you kind of try to make sure you don’t do anything suspicious or disappointing. It automatically keeps you in check. (If you are dating a traditional man who thinks you have no right to even breathe close to another man, please don’t say it to him o).

Another way to fight it is to actively and painfully cut all ties/communication with the new person. I say painful because sometimes we just don’t want to let go of the “sweet” feeling of “fresh” love (adrenaline pumps 3 times every Sec when he speaks). But Babe, you need to cut it immediately. No so-called harmless gist. Remember, the way to a woman’s heart is through her ears and If you keep fighting, but still listen to him; your heart is just going to pound the more and then, you might lose your grip.

Don’t forget that cheating (emotional or physical) doesn’t just happen by mistake. You consciously or unconsciously, have been feeding the thoughts and planning the action. So, start the processing of actively flushing it out immediately you notice your heart is betraying you.

And finally, believe it or not, once you train your heart to listen to you the first few times, it begins to choose what it loves. And even then, when it strays, just fight hard to pull it back except of course you are sure you need the “new” love.

Have a blissful relationship.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime